Everybody Loves Raymond s03e07 Episode Script

Moving Out

I love babysitting.
They're so sweet when they're sleeping.
Doesn't it make you think about things? You know what I like best about being over here? It's not over there, you know? It's nice to get away, be alone with my girl.
We can hang out at my apartment more.
Yeah, but your roommate getting all nervous around me - and all, you know? - Oh, Robert.
- I don't think she would - I know hives, okay? Those were hives.
Okay, okay.
You know, I don't get hives around you.
I know you don't, but that doesn't mean that people - Ahem - Ah! Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, Sergeant Barone.
- Yeah.
Whoa! Hey, hi, hi.
How's it hanging? - You guys are home early.
- Uh-huh.
Imagine our surprise to find you two on the couch Sorry.
I feel like I'm back in high school.
Amy, come on.
Is that a hickey, young lady? - No, no.
- Yeah, I see it.
Does your mom know you're going out with this this hoodlum? Please, Mr.
Barone, don't tell my mother.
All right, okay, I get it.
I'm pathetic.
What are you talking about? I'm a grown man who lives with his parents and has to take babysitting jobs so he can make out with his girlfriend.
- That's not true, Robert.
- No.
- It's a little true.
- Oh, shh.
Could have been worse.
We could have walked in on Mom and Dad babysitting.
Hey, Robert, you left your jacket at my house last night.
- Here, gimmie.
- What? Gimmie.
I told you, Ma, I don't smoke.
A good mother checks.
- You hungry, dear? - No.
- I got pancakes.
- No, I'm late for work.
- Can I get them to go? - Yeah, give me a second.
OKay, let's go, Frank! - Kitchen isn't open all day.
- Unlike your mouth.
Hey, what was with all that racket last night? What racket? Like around 9:00, I heard your girlfriend talking.
Amy talking is racket? She's not talking to me, so, yeah, racket.
So I'm not allowed to talk to people any more? Of course you are, dear.
By the way, I agree with what Amy was saying.
You are not pathetic.
You were spying on us? I was passing an air vent.
You're so cute, Yogi.
She calls you Yogi.
You got some syrup on your chin.
Do you call her Boo Boo? - Let me get it.
- No, stop it, Mom.
- Stop fiddling.
- No, you stop it.
- No, you stop! - Okay, that's it.
I'm moving out.
Moving out? That's ridiculous.
What are you gonna do? Tie a little polka dot hanky around a stick and hop a freight train? I have a car.
You can stop laughing now, Ma.
Do it.
Do it, man.
You be quiet.
Robby's very happy here.
You stay with your mother, honey, you'll be fine.
- He's not going anywhere.
- Oh yes I am.
Don't be silly.
Let's remember what happened the last time you pulled a stunt like this.
I got married, Ma.
Okay? I moved out 'cause I got married.
That's right, you got married.
And? What happened with that? You lost all your money to that awful woman with the three different eyeshadows.
I will say that Joanie had a nice caboose.
Joanne, Dad.
Her name was Joanne, all right? Either way, that train's not pulling back into station.
The point is, you were miserable.
And we welcomed you back into this house and we made you whole again.
- Remember that? - Yeah.
And now you want to go out on your own again? Is that really the smartest thing? Good.
Craziness settled.
Welcome back, Yogi.
We should get you a picnic basket.
Listen, man, you're right.
You got to move out.
- I am gonna move outta here.
- When? When I'm ready.
Stay here.
Do what you want.
Oh, I can do whatever I want? Thank you very much.
How many times have I told you to move out? You always got some lame excuse.
- "I'm worried about money.
" - Money is a good excuse.
"I'm only 33.
" "They let me put a lock on the door.
" "I'm only 37.
" Yeah, you know what? You don't need any more excuses.
- I'm not gonna tell you to move again.
- Good.
That's right.
Stay miserable for the rest of your life and wonder if you should've moved out, but now it's too late 'cause you're old and bald and living with Mom and Dad.
And you're gonna find out that the designated hitter is bad for baseball.
Nine guys hit, nine guys field, that's the game.
It's the way it was meant to be played.
What, are you gonna move to Florida with Mom and Dad and stay at a retirement village? I'm not flying to see you wearing socks with sandals.
Why are you bothering me, Ray? Because you're always complaining about living with them, but hey, look who's still here.
All right, enough.
Would you mind your own business? I just hate seeing you like this, 'cause whatever, I like you.
Wait, Raymond.
Ma, sit down, please.
I've got something to tell you.
I'm moving out.
- Robby, enough, I'm tired with - Ma, Ma.
I appreciate everything you've done for me.
For food for beverages Okay, okay.
- Sit, I'll make you something else.
- No, Ma.
My mind's made up.
Thank you, Raymond.
Oh, don't thank me.
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
Why is he thanking you? I brought back the jacket for him.
- It's late.
- Raymond! I am so psyched.
I have never been psyched like this in my life.
- Hey, Ray, from the bottom of my - Okay, go away now! Easy, easy.
I'm walking out of here, nice and slow Okay? We'll talk about this later, when you start blinking again.
- Stop him.
- Hey! - What did he do? - Let go of me! Don't try to run.
it only makes it worse.
Why did you stick your nose into our affairs? - Who gave you the right? - How dare you! Robby's the last thing I have left.
Now he's leaving because of you.
- Look, I just thought - Oh, you just thought! Did you think about me? Do you ever think about me? Well, do you? Do you? I I'm not gonna forget this, Raymond.
- Mom.
- Me neither.
You? You're always yelling at him that he should move out, making him feel like a loser.
I don't really want him to go.
If he goes it's just me and her.
& I'm about to lose control and I & - Hey there, Pop.
- Don't go! I love you.
Hey bro', if there's anything I can ever do for you, you just let me know, all right? & I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
& You could stop singing! On the bright side, now you can buy a ceiling fan.
Hey, Snugglepants.
Oh man, what a day.
I had this interview with Ewing, you know, and he was three hours late and I had to wait for him.
Oh I am tired, sweetness.
Oh yeah, oh.
Oh baby, does that feel good.
Come here.
- What are you doing? - Trying to help you relax.
Oh God, now the dreams are gonna start again.
Don't be silly.
I take it this means you're not mad at me anymore.
I can't stay mad at you.
Have you been to Robby's new place? No, he wants a week there to get settled.
Well, when you do go, take a picture for me.
I don't think I'll ever get invited.
Ma, you should be happy for him.
He feels good.
He feels independent.
Come on, guys.
- Oh! Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, Grandma.
Hey, guys, hey.
Hey, Deb, guess what.
Look who forgave me.
Oh good.
'Cause there was such a hole in our lives.
The only good thing about Robby leaving me is I get to spend more time with all of you.
That's the dryer.
Debra, I noticed some new underwear in there for you.
A little more revealing than usual.
Get Robert back.
Otherwise it's just us and her.
Are you starting to get a bad feeling here? I'm just starting to get feeling back.
Coming! Hi.
I must have the wrong address.
I'm looking for Robert Barone.
Robby rented the room above our garage last week.
- Above the garage? - Yes.
I'm his brother Ray.
Oh, Raymond! Come right in.
I'm Rita Stipe.
I was just about ready to call Robert down.
Robby! Dinner! - Coming! - He's such a nice boy.
Harry! Get down here! I'm not heating this stuff up for you! - Are you hungry, dear? - No, my wife's making You sit yourself right down there.
We got sour cream for the potato or what? It's right in front of you.
- That the kind I like? - No, I buy the kind you don't like.
Who's this guy? - This is Robby's brother.
- Yeah, hi.
- We got the Baco Bits? - Are you blind? If this was a snake, it would have bit you.
If it was a snake, I'd eat it instead of that pot roast.
Hey, Raymond.
What are you doing here? I just came by and wanted to see the place.
I guess you should be the first to see it since you're the reason I'm here.
I'll tell you what, I'll show you around right after I eat what smells like the best dinner ever.
Sit, sit, sit.
- It's all your favorite meats.
- Ah! So, Rob - how's it going? - Good.
It's kind of weird being on my own, though.
On your own, yeah.
So, uh does this place remind you of anywhere? Isn't it great to have a brother who's a police officer, Raymond? I know I feel much safer knowing he's around.
It's nice to be appreciated.
Or noticed.
Raymond? Barone? Not "Newsday"'s Ray Barone? - Yeah, that's me.
- Holy crud.
We got a celebrity in our midst.
- Harry Stipe.
- Yeah, hi.
How exciting.
A writer.
I love everything you write.
How come you didn't tell me who your brother was? Must have slipped my mind.
So, what's it like to write for "Newsday"? It's okay, I guess.
A big-time writer.
And he's humble.
Robert, leave some for Raymond.
Well, here we are.
Hey, look at this.
Yeah, I've got a little more work to do on the place, but hey, at least I made the move, right? Yeah.
Shamsky loves it.
Just look at him.
Yeah, he's never looked happier.
Boys, I'm going to the store for ice cream.
Do you want some? Aw! Thank you, Mrs.
She's one of a kind, huh? Yeah, no one else like her.
Robert, I don't think - What the hell is that? - Garage door opening.
Scared you, huh? I got to tell you, the first time it went up Shamsky ruined my sheets.
Okay, Rob, I think I think Going back down.
I think you ought to get the hell outta here.
Naw, I'm used to it.
I don't even hear it anymore.
Not that! Look, Robert, this place is no different than home.
What are you talking about? It's totally different.
I'm above a garage, I have a bathroom here, I'm allowed to bring snacks Fiddle Faddle? Those people, the Stipes, you put more make up on one and 30 Ibs.
on the other, that's Mom and Dad.
Come on, Raymond, they're nothing like Mom and Dad.
They're Jewish.
What does Amy think of this place? Well, Mrs.
doesn't like me having visitors of the female persuasion.
She kind of looks out for me a little too much.
And Mr.
, he doesn't like a lot of talking, except when they're fighting.
And then they go on and on and on and oh my God! Maybe this isn't the radical change I had planned.
No, there's a change.
You get to pay rent now.
Stupid idiot moron! No, you're not.
You're not.
No, look, maybe there's something we can do.
Maybe you can move back home.
Yeah, make it easy on yourself.
Look, you've made your point here.
Besides, you know who'd be really happy if you moved back home? Mom.
Wouldn't that be nice? For all of us? That would Robert's home, sloppy Joes.
You're right, I can't stay here.
Yeah, come on, let's, uh let's pack.
Let's get you home.
- Oh no, I'm not going home.
- What do you mean? I'm finding a real place.
On my own, no adult supervision.
What about Mom? I mean, she's all sad and over at my house a lot.
All those years I stayed there I convinced myself that I wasn't wasting my life because it was part of a plan.
Stay at home, save some money, meet a girl, then move out and, you know, have a life.
Get married, buy a house, have some kids, become you know, have it all.
If I go back now, I have to admit that my plan was nothing.
You have to find your own place.
So Mom's driving you crazy, huh? It's horrible.
What am I gonna do now? You got to get outta there.
- Ray! - Hey.
- Did you see Robert? - Did you see Robby's place? Yeah, he's moving out of there.
- I knew you could do it.
- Robby's coming home.
- I've got to go and clean his room.
- No, Mom.
- He's moving somewhere else.
- What did you do? Yeah, what did you do? Who are you to come into our house and take away that Robert? Let me tell you something, Mr.
I needed Robert there.
Without him, it's just me and her.
That room still available?
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