Everybody Loves Raymond s03e15 Episode Script

Robert's Date

- What you thinking, Sarge? - Huh? Oh, nothing.
I'm thinking I might pick up a shift this weekend.
What's wrong? Got no plans? I've got plans.
I'm planning on serving my community.
The little blonde ski bunny shut you out, huh? She got together with the guy who lives directly above me.
From what I hear, they're doing quite well.
Man, your building swings! - I have to go out to meet people.
- Yeah, where do you go? You know? Wherever.
- Around.
- Yeah.
I never really got into that bar scene.
Well, maybe you're going to the wrong bars.
Where do you hang out? Mostly over at that place what's it called? Uh My brother's house.
- You are in a rut.
- I'm not.
No, I'm just sick of the dating thing, you know? Gotta wear a nice shirt, do that get- to-know-you stuff, talk about your family.
That's where I usually lose them.
I'm meeting with some people tonight.
You want to go along? No, thanks.
I already committed to something else.
- You did not.
- I did too! - I actually have dinner plans.
- With who? My friends.
I've got friends.
You're not the only person with friends.
Who are you having dinner with? You know, the guys.
Mike, Geoff.
You mean Michael and Geoffrey, your little nephews? Oh, you remembered their names.
So you're going out, man.
That's good.
- Where are you going? - Who cares? Huh? The man's got plans.
- So is it like a date or - Why are you asking so many questions? Because this is how people talk.
Just going out with Judy and some of her friends.
- She's picking me up.
- Why is she picking you up here? 'Cause this is where I am.
So, Judy, huh? I didn't know you guys hung out.
Oh, we don't.
I mean, we didn't.
Actually, this is the first thing we're doing outside of work other than target practice.
- It's probably her.
- Huh.
- This is nice, huh? - Yeah.
We're going to be alone.
What are they, furniture? - Wow.
- You ready? - I don't know.
What are we doing? - Going to Eta's.
- Have I met Eta? - Eta's is a club.
A club.
Hey, Judy.
Come on in! Yeah, come on in.
Look at you! Hey, hey, have you seen her? She's all sparkly.
Yeah, so? So I don't look right.
I'm afraid that's the hand you were dealt.
My clothes, Raymond.
I thought this was gonna be casual.
If everyone's gonna be all dressed up I'm not gonna go.
- No, you gotta go.
- Why? 'Cause it's not nice to cancel when people are expecting you to go.
You're right.
It's not fair to Judy.
Yeah, yeah, her too.
Come on, go.
You'll have fun.
You'll have fun.
- Okay.
- Let's - roll! - Have a good time.
- Have fun.
- Bye, see you later.
Oh, hello there, Judy! - Hi! - Hey, how are you? You two going undercover to bust Johns or something? No, Dad, we're just going out.
Going out? Isn't that nice? Nice to see you, Mrs.
good night! Is there something you wanted? They're just friends.
They're not dating or anything.
Oh, I didn't think I mean, that's fine.
Of course, it wouldn't matter to me if they were dating.
Right, Frank? She's a very nice young lady and as a matter of fact, I wish they were dating.
I'd be very happy for them.
In fact, I would love to know how long this has been going on, because I could have been happy this whole time! Yeah.
Even though she's black, right? Is she black? Hey! Come on! Boy, it's crowded.
Yeah, this place is on! - What's the matter? - Uh, nothing.
I'm just not very good in social situations.
Just chill out.
Just be yourself, you'll fit right in.
Hey, what's happening, Judy? What's up, fool? This is Robert.
Robert, what's up, dog? Hi, there boo.
- What? Wrong? - No, you're cool.
You're cool.
Hey, Sareesa, where you been? Oh, girl, just hangin', just workin'.
You know how it is.
- I know, tryin' to make those ends.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, whatever.
- This is Robert.
- Hi! I told you about him.
He's my partner.
Really? Got your cuffs? Calm down, Sareesa, he just got here.
Listen I'm not sure if this is my milieu.
Don't you like dancing? Yeah, in the kitchen.
I'm kind of like a kitchen dancer.
Oh, listen to that! That's my song! - I hear it.
- All right then, let's go! Oh, you know, I had three or four pork chops tonight.
I want to dance.
Hear what I'm saying? Your friend, your partner, and your escort for the evening wants to get on deck! I'm feeling it! - Come on! - No, no! Barone, come on! Are you gonna kick it or what?! All right, I'll kick a little.
All right, let's see what you got! Come on.
Come on! Come on.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it! That's right.
Yeah, you got it.
Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Whoo-whoo! Go, Robert! All right! Go, Robert! Go, Robert! Go, Robert Now that's cool.
Let's loosen it up a bit.
Yeah! Back.
Yeah? What's going on, Ray? What are you doing? Nothin'.
Just here to help out Ally with her report on Harriet Tubman.
You know it's Black History Month.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Thank you Superfly.
What? Nothing, it's just I've never seen you so stylin'.
Just some new clothes, that's all.
Gotta get out more, my brother.
You're having fun, huh? Yeah.
Judy and I and some of the crew, we've been hitting the clubs, that's all.
Yeah, you got a crew now.
Okay, I'm gonna go get a ginger ale.
- A'ight.
- Okay.
See, Frank, I told you it was him.
We saw your car out front.
Your father thought someone else was driving it.
Nice suit.
Where's Gladys and the other two pips? - All right, Dad.
- No, it's not all right.
What the hell is going on with you? - Frank.
- Don't Frank me.
I'm talking to you on the phone the other day, I can't even understand what the hell you're saying anymore.
What did you call me dog for? That's a nice thing, Dad.
You say it to your friends.
- That means I like you.
- Oh yeah? Well, from now on, I'm calling you jackass! Frank! What do you mean? That means he's great.
- Hey.
- Hey, ugly! What? - What's that all about? - That's Robert talk.
That means you're good-looking.
Hey, good-looking! You know, I should have expected this.
For once I find some people, people I feel comfortable with, and you y'all want to put salt in my game.
- What?! - Robby, dear! I am not adding salt here.
- I support you 1,000%.
- Thanks, Ma.
I'm gonna use the phone.
I gotta call Judy.
You gonna call Judy again? So this is like like a serious thing.
We're just friends, Ma.
But it's good to know you're down with it.
You know, I really am down with it.
How about being across the street with it? You gotta talk to him! Look, relax, Dad, all right? It's like when he was eight years old, he wanted to be an astronaut and he wore a pot on his head the whole time.
- It's the same thing.
- It's fine with me.
'Cause I happen to have a very open mind.
Come on, jackass.
And I mean jackass.
Oh, that is so whack! What? Tonight, Judy and I were gonna go to this club to hang out with our peeps and now she tells me that she wants to go out to dinner, just the two of us.
- So? - She said she wants it to be just us so we can talk.
What does that sound like? Well, I don't know what it's called in your new world, but we call that a date here in Honkyland.
Oh man, I can't date her.
- Sure, you can.
- No, she's my partner! - So what? - We've been on stakeouts, we're raided crack houses.
She's like my sister.
All right, so tell her that.
I can't hurt her.
You gotta come with me.
No way! Just be in the way, ruin our evening.
- I'd do it for you.
- You're doing it now! What's up, J? - Hey.
- Hey.
I hope you don't mind that I brought Raymond along.
Well, I did think it was going to be just us.
Well, see, he's never had soul food before.
When I told him where I was going he begged me to come along and he got all up in mine and I couldn't say no to the brother.
You know what I'm saying? Listen, Ray, I kind of wanted some time with Robert alone.
You're right.
Okay, all right, I should go.
No, no, Ray, you wanted soul food, I'm gonna hook you up.
Okay, what's with the service around here? I'm gonna find the waiter.
Don't, Rob.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! I like your brother a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, biscuits.
One, two, three, four, five five biscuits.
We get along great and he's a great partner, but since we've been spending so much time together, I've been feeling - what's with you? - No, nothing, I'm just thinking that Robert! All right, listen, I think I think Robert just wants to be your friend.
He doesn't want to be my partner anymore? What? No! No, no, he loves that.
He loves being your partner.
He doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
- Boyfriend?! - Yeah.
Boyfriend! You're taking it very well.
Boyfriend? - Where did you get that idea? - From him.
- And where did he get it from? - From you.
You wanted to be alone, you wanted to have a romantic evening and that's why I'm here.
Oh hey, I'm definitely not into that.
Listen, I just wanted to be alone with Robert to tell him see, he's been hanging out with me and my friends a lot and it's getting to where he's acting he's getting to be a little bit too - Ethnic? - Yes! - He's trippin'.
- Yes! Yes! What's up with that? I mean, gosh! It's getting weird with my friends.
I want to tell him to chill, but he's so sensitive! - He'll get all mopey.
- What mopey? He used to take medication just to get up to mopey.
Hey, how about you tell him? No, me? No! I don't think that's a good idea.
- It'll be better coming from you.
- It won't be better.
- Here we go! - Sorry, something came up.
I gotta go.
No, Judy, please don't.
Stay! Oh, what is happening? - What did you do? - Nothing.
- Why did you leave me here? - She was gonna talk.
She did talk, and then I had to talk.
I hate that! What do you mean, you broke it to her? - I tried to - Man, I should have seen this comin'.
She sits next to me every day.
It's bound to happen when you all that.
- See, that's the problem.
- What? "You all that," that's what Judy wanted to talk about.
- What is? - You! - "All that"! - What?! Judy doesn't want to go out with you because you're black! Robert, Judy her and her friends, they think that you're just you're putting on some kind of act.
That is so whack! Right there! See? That's what I'm talking about.
We're Italian, Robert.
Okay? "Whack" means something else to us.
But they were so cool.
I mean, right from the beginning, they were totally cool with me.
I fit right in for once.
Of course, they liked you in the beginning 'cause you were just being you.
So how long could that have lasted? It's easy for you, Raymond.
You fit in everywhere.
You're a 40 regular.
You know where I had to go for this suit? Little Shop of Horrors? That's right, okay, I'm a freak.
I was a freak at school, I was a freak in my marriage, I'm a freak in my own family.
You're super-freaky.
- All right, Raymond.
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
I'm joking.
You're not a freak.
The only place I'm not is on the job.
I should never take off my uniform.
How long have you and Judy been partners? I don't know, six years.
For six years you drive around, all you talk about is cop stuff? No, we talk about everything.
Right, right, and that guy who talks about everything, that's her friend.
Not some cop, you! Just you.
You were doing fine with her until you thought you had to I guess that's true.
I speak the truth, homeslice.
So I don't fit in, right? Who fits in? So what do you want to do? Should we go home? No, we're here.
Let's eat.
Home? The hell's wrong with me?! We're out, we're out! Let's eat! Home, I said.
You know who are an interesting people? The Hasidic Jews.
No, Robert.
What, a person can't make an observation?
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