Everybody Loves Raymond s05e17 Episode Script

Stefania Arrives

Where is Robert? Raymond will be back from the airport with Stefania any minute.
And look at this place.
Frank, are you helping? Yeah, I'm brushing up on my Italian for Stefania.
Oh, Frank.
I'm still not so sure this is a good idea to surprise him.
Do we even know if he's still interested in her? Debra, what are you saying? Just we shouldn't push him into anything.
Well, far be it from me to push.
I just happen to know what my son wants.
He wants to finally have someone special and he wants to settle down and have grandchildren.
You mean children.
Right, children, whatever.
I think you did a good thing bringing Stefania here.
- Thank you, Frank.
- We should do a foreign exchange.
She comes here; You go there.
- Oh, Robby! - Hello, son.
What's wrong? - What do you mean, dear? - The happiness.
What gives? What, we can't be happy to see you? Historically, no.
You funny bunny.
Come on, sit down.
Come on.
Am I dying? Why don't you get the door, Robby? No.
Come on, idiot, do it.
- Why do you want me to get it? - Get the door! You're forcing me.
- You're forcing me! - Come on! Trust me, Robert, it's okay.
Come on.
You know, Robby Robby, I know that you've been lonely and in need of some company, so I have a little surprise for you.
What took so long? I got bags here.
This is it? I didn't like the surprise when you gave it to me 40 years ago.
Hey, how about "Thank you"? - For what? - For this.
What How did you get here? I had to take the Belt Parkway to the Cross Island, bumper to bumper.
Oh, Robby, are you happy? I asked her to visit to cheer you up.
Me, I did it.
Stefania, let me help you.
- It is good to see you.
- Oh, it is good to see you.
- Ma, you did this? - Who else? Thank you for inviting me.
You are nice and beautiful.
Man, does she need an English lesson.
Hi, I remember your head.
Hey, she remembers me.
Hi, nice to see you again.
So this is you after a 10-hour plane ride, huh? Well, I give up.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Thank you for getting us.
- Did you say us? - Yes.
You remember my father, Marco Fogagnolo.
Yes yes.
Of course.
You show me this, huh? Of course.
All right.
You wanna hold your putter like this, okay? And then you swing it back.
Oh boy, okay.
All right.
What's happening? Okay.
You you take the putter back like this and then you - Hey, look at that! - Oh, yeah! Hell of a shot there.
You buy me another hot dog now.
Well, you know, there's more to America than just hot dogs.
I like hot dogs.
Okay, well, I'll tell you what, I'll buy you another hot dog later, if you're good.
- Okay, you hit now.
- All right.
Hey, there! What do you think you're doing? What? I do nothing.
I think you did, you naughty monkey.
Oh, come on.
Hey, you are a good golf player.
Well, I'm trying to be.
All right, listen okay okay, come here.
Listen listen, look, I know I know you're just trying to have fun.
But there's something you should know.
See, when Raymond and I were kids, he used to poke me quite a bit, all right? Poke poke poke poke.
He was, how you say a jerk, okay? So that's why now I'm sort of antipoke, okay? Oh, no no no, but listen, if I had to choose someone to poke me, it would be you.
But don't poke me.
All right, here, you go first.
All right, very good, try again.
Okay, all right, take All right, take your time.
Okay, all right, that's a that's an interesting technique, all right.
All right, very nice.
Okay, over there.
Thank you.
Hey, bravo, Roberto, - Very good.
- Thank you.
Thank All righty, let's do the score now, shall we? Oh, I like.
So you two having a good time? Yeah, a blast.
Things are fantastic.
Did you two do the, uh The what? The huckle-buckle? - Mind your own business, okay? - Oh, come on.
I'm married, man.
I don't even huckle.
- Here you go.
- Hey, Suzy, I got that.
Really? Hey, Nemo, Frank's picking up a tab.
Don't take a check from him.
Hey, don't embarrass me in front of my international guests, all right? I'm buying.
Hey, you two, we're splitting this.
I want to say something.
I come to America to take care for Stefania.
But I also dream always to come to this country and it is like a dream.
I like the people.
I like the life here very much, with the large drinks and so much ice.
And I have to say, I did not like so much this one.
But now I do.
And I know Stefania do.
So what I will tell you now is we stay.
What? Where? Here Lynbrook, America.
Congratulations to you both! - It's great surprise, no? - Yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah, great surprise.
But you just can't live here.
What will you do, sir? Who knows? I like this place.
Maybe I buy.
Nemo would never sell.
I think maybe he do.
I want to thank you for taking care of my daughter.
Don't mention it.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi, Robby.
- Cookie? - What's the point? What's your problem? I don't think it's gonna work out with Stefania.
Oh, give me a break.
What are you talking about? It Italy, the two of you couldn't get enough of each other.
I don't know.
It's not the same.
Hey, look at her.
Look at you.
Grab on and don't let go.
Of course it's not the same.
I know what your problem is.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
You guys were going too fast over there.
Right away, boom, we're in love.
You can't do that.
- What are you talking about? - You know, you Here, let me show you something.
What do you got here, Ma? Cream of Wheat for the boys.
Want some? I'll make some more.
Okay, see this? This Cream of Wheat, that's you and Stefania.
- What? - Stay with me.
All right? Now here's you guys in Italy.
- See, all hot and heavy.
- No, that's too much.
- Right.
You can't keep it like that.
- No, turn it down.
What's gonna happen to Robert and Stefania if I keep it like that? - They'll get dried out and crusty.
- Right.
Right right.
Robert, you want it to last, you gotta cool things down a little.
See, like this.
Thank God.
That's how it is for me and Debra.
Just a little low flame.
Our Cream of Wheat could just sit on that for years.
Hands off, girls, he's mine.
I'm gonna tell you about my marriage now, but I'll need the garbage disposal.
You know, Robert, I wouldn't be surprised if you're having these feelings because deep down inside you still care for Amy.
No no, it's not Amy and it's not Cream of Wheat.
The truth is Stefania's annoying.
- What? - If by "annoying," you mean "ha-cha-cha-cha-cha," then I'm right with you.
No, she's always touching me.
Oh, that's gotta be rough.
Why the hell would you not want her to touch you? She poked me in the ass with a putter.
She could hit me in the head with a hammer.
I wouldn't care.
It's just that she's always poking me, and I hate being poked.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, cut it out, okay? I told her I didn't like it, but she wouldn't stop.
Robby, I think that's like flirting.
Yeah, it sounds like you're nitpicking, man.
Look, I know Stefania is beautiful, okay? But, you know, we've been out a few times now and the more time I spend with her, I realize that there's nothing there.
Robby, are you very sure you're not homosexual? Ma! I'm just asking.
Raymond! It's still funny.
You know what? If Stefania was staying for, like, a week, I could put up with it, but now they're talking about staying here for good.
So what, am I supposed to take care of her forever, huh? I gotta marry her now? There are worse things, dear.
Plus, I got her father Signore Scary-ola watching me with those eyes.
It's too much.
I can't take it.
Robert, look, you're obviously unhappy.
- You gotta talk to her.
- And say what? I don't know.
Tell her you just wanna be friends.
That broad ain't built for friendship.
Look, you shouldn't be pressured into being in a relationship.
No one here means to pressure him.
But you know something, Robby? You're not getting any younger.
And I read, you know, that as men get older, their sperm production - Okay! - Ma Ma Ma Ma! Back it up.
Please, it's science.
You're really thinking of breaking up with her? That is the only decent thing to do.
This is about morality.
You don't string someone along.
Yeah, but Stefania, she's so She's so what, Ray? Just do what she says.
I like your house.
It's an apartment, really.
I don't like this.
Okay, um, listen, we need to talk, okay? Okay.
Okay, I think that it's very exciting that you and your dad are talking about moving here.
Ooh, polizia.
Attention span of a moth.
Listen, look, I just had this drycleaned.
You put on for me, huh? No, no, this is for work, okay? Let's put this back.
You come over here.
To the ugly sofa.
- Yeah.
- I am hungry.
- Do you have food for me? - More? Just a second.
Maybe you have hot dogs.
One second.
It's like dropping wood into a chipper.
Well, I have Captain Salty Pretzel Nuggets.
- I like hot dogs.
- Pretzel nuggets! What's wrong, Berto? Nothing, it's just, there's your tummy.
You do not put it on, so Well, actually, that is police property.
- You need to take that off.
- Okay.
Wait wait! Halt, no, wait.
All right, look, look keep it on.
Here, sit down here.
Have some pretzels, okay? No, thank you.
I wasn't really hungry for pretzels.
Stefania you are a beautiful woman and a lovely person and a beautiful woman.
And I think that it's very nice that you want to make a life for yourself here in this country.
Let me finish.
Okay, here's the thing.
You know, it's been said that love is like Cream of Wheat.
Maybe no more talking.
You want to you want oh, boy.
Hard to argue.
No no no, Stefania.
What do you mean no? No means no.
Same in Italian.
No means no.
Berto, we have waited so long.
It will be nice.
I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice and soft, but it would be wrong, because, Stefania, we shouldn't be together.
It's okay.
My father will not know.
No no no no.
No, look, you misunderstand, all right? I shouldn't lead you on.
It's morally wrong, I think.
What do you mean? We should break up.
You, me, no more.
Listen, Stefania, I'll always cherish the moments we had together, but I just didn't want you to move here for the wrong reasons.
- Hey, come on.
- Don't touch me! I can't believe I came to America for you.
You couldn't even call me yourself.
You had to have your mother beg me to come! No no no no no, that was her idea.
She's crazy.
What are you, her puppet? She pulls the strings and you dance like Pinocchio? No no no, no Pinocchio this time.
You see, she wanted me to marry you, but I said I couldn't because you're annoying.
Annoying? What does this mean, annoying? I don't know.
I am sick to look to you! Well, listen, we can still be friends.
You see, in America, you don't break up.
You stay friends.
- That's what you do.
- Not in Italy.
Listen, I did the right thing.
Morally, I did the right thing.
There better be a heaven.
Hey, Nemo, I'll take a slice.
Signore Fogagnolo, hi.
What are you doing here? I told you.
We stay in America.
Oh, so you work here now? I own here now.
You own? What happened to Nemo? He go away.
W-what? W-where? Away.
Listen, Signore Fogagnolo, about Stefania I am a homosexual.

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