Everybody Loves Raymond s08e05 Episode Script

The Contractor

Come on! Listen, you beat me by a few strokes, okay? That's only 'cause my back was acting up.
Your back.
You know why that is? 'Cause your nose throws you off balance.
Ray, look at this.
Why do you tell your father when things are broken? All he does is come over, bang on the thing, and then curse.
That's-that's old-man aerobics.
He said he'd fix this stupid thing, and now I can't even get it to light.
And it's leaking gas.
You want me to check it out, Deb? No no.
I'll look at it.
Or you could let a professional contractor who's not a moron look at it.
- I don't want to put you to work.
- Don't worry about it.
Man, this thing is old! Hey, easy.
She's standing right there.
See what I did? I took what he said We need a new stove, Ray.
No, look, if my father said he fixed it, he fixed it, right? Come on.
Okay! See? This is good 'cause you can make soup or or go hot-air ballooning.
All right! All right, look, can you get us a replacement? For this? Yeah.
Jump in a time machine and buy one off a Pilgrim.
Gianni, while we're at it, I was thinking I wanted to put a microwave up here.
Wait wait wait.
We've got a microwave.
That makes sense, Deb.
You'd get some counter space.
That's what I was thinking.
It'll be a little more expensive Hey! Shut up.
Don't worry.
Whatever you do, I'll get you the equipment at cost.
If you want, I'll do the job myself.
Oh, let's do it! Wait a minute.
My father is going to go nuts here.
He likes to fix things.
I mean what am I going to tell him? Gianni, while you're out getting a stove, could you pick up a spine for my husband? Why don't I just get you a new husband? 'Cause I know this one's leaking gas.
Hi, dears.
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
Hi, Mrs.
B, Mr.
Oh hi.
Hi there, Gianni.
What you doin'? I'm just Ray, you didn't tell him? Tell me what? What's Gianni doing with the stove? Just tell him, Ray.
I don't understand.
Wh-what's going on? It is weird.
What are you moving the stove around for? You want me to go? No no.
Look, it's no biggie.
We're getting a new stove, and Gianni's helping us put it in.
What? It's it's no biggie.
It's you know, it's the stove is lately, this one has been trying to kill us.
I told you I still had to tweak it! I know, but it has a lot of problems, Frank.
I mean, most of the time, I can barely use it.
Oh, dear.
Can we really blame the stove? Whoa whoa.
This bill's going to cost two grand? What kind of screw job is this? Oh, Frank Gianni's a good boy.
He wouldn't give us a screw job.
Thanks, Mrs.
And it's going to be closer to 1,500.
Nuts! I can get this thing back in shape in five minutes, and all it'll cost you is lunch.
Chicken croquettes I like.
Frank, if you want to fix something, why don't you go fix our garage door that I've been telling you about for six years? I will not do that on principle.
It would only prove nagging works.
Gianni, when you finish here, can you come look at our garage door? You stay away from that.
I put 10 years of sweat into this house, and this is my thanks? You hire some outside yahoo when I'm not looking? Dad, come on.
Excuse me.
I may be a yahoo, but I'm a licensed and bonded yahoo.
And I'm not some hardware store groupie like a lot of people.
Are you calling me "a lot of people"? Dad, oh Dad.
Calm it calm it down, Dad.
What, you let him talk to me like that?! I'm the grandpa of your freakin' children! We know, we know! Come on, look, there's a lot of other stuff to fix around here, huh? Here.
Look at this loose knob here, huh? Wow, is that loose.
Get in there, man! Aw, come on, Dad.
No no.
Gianni's your fix-it guy now.
Call him dad.
That's not such a terrible offer.
- Hey.
- Hey, numchuks.
- What's up? My father come by at all? - Not yet.
Four whole days, and he's still mad at us? Yup.
Can't be doing my mother any good.
Oh, by the way, you know how you told me that Amy also wants some kitchen-renovation crap? - Yeah.
- So I recommended Gianni to her.
- But - I know, I know.
Robert's going to get all weirded out because Amy and Gianni dated once or twice, but he's got to get over it.
He's such a dope.
You know I'm not sure that that's the only reason I wouldn't exactly recommend Gianni.
- What? - Well there's certain things that Gianni kind of I hate him.
What are you talking about? Not as a person, but as a person in my house.
What are you saying? He's not doing a good job? I'm saying he stinks.
Like he smells? No, he stinks at his job.
And by the way, he does smell a little.
Well, that's a manly smell you get from working with your body.
Okay? What do you want, a contractor that smells like a cinnamon bun? You know, Gianni should be done by now, and he's not because he's lazy.
I mean, half the time, he's on his phone, and he brings his own little TV, and it plays all day.
Look at you see that scuff mark on the floor? He dragged the stove out while he was watching "The Price is Right.
" All right.
So I'm sure if you told him that you don't like that game show It's not about the show, Ray! It's been four days, and he said he would have it done in two, tops.
Okay, so? So it's two extra days.
Yeah, so I can't use my kitchen because I have no stove! Well, okay, but it's not like Van Gogh lost his paintbrush.
I didn't mean it like that! I just hey.
By the way, you're the one who picked Gianni.
Yes, I picked him, and I made a mistake.
It won't be the first time I picked the wrong guy.
Come on! He's doing this as a favor, and Ray, it's not a favor if you're paying the person.
Look, if he's not done by tomorrow, I'm unpicking him.
What are you talking about? We can't fire him.
- No, you're firing him.
- What?! Yeah, 'cause he's your friend.
That's right! So we can't fire him.
We have to.
We have to let him go.
Okay, so if it's "we," then you need my say-so, okay? You need my say-so if it's "we.
" My say-so! I don't need your say-so.
Yes, you do so! You do so need my say-so! Let him go.
Maybe I'll let somebody else go.
What? I said maybe nothing! - Hey, Deb.
- Hey, Gianni.
Hey hey! Hey hey hey! Hey, man, what's up? Yeah.
How's it goin'? I'm good.
What's your problem? No problem, no.
Quite the opposite.
Just psyched, man.
Get to hang out while you work and Debra stays in there.
Listen, good news.
- What? - It's here.
Oh! Wow, look at this! There you go! Yeah, that is a beauty! - I love that.
- It's here.
I ended up ordering through a different guy, so it took a little longer.
But you saved some green.
Took a little longer but saved some green.
What do you think, Debra? You like it? It's great, Gianni.
I can't believe today's the day I actually get to use it.
This is great, man.
So, what do you say? Let's hook this bad boy up.
Hey, you hungry? 'Cause I can go for a sandwich.
Me too, me too.
You know what might be a better idea? Maybe to put the stove in first.
You know, 'cause I'm just so damn excited to get this bad boy hooked up.
So why don't we just put this in? And then I'll make you a steak, a nice, hot stove steak.
Stove steak? Yeah.
What, you don't believe me? You put the stove in, and I'll show you.
Put the stove in.
All right! Sit down.
All right, here we go.
What? You've got a little space problem.
What do you mean? You measured it, right? Yeah.
It's just a little too tight.
I'm going to have to order new cabinets.
Probably get them here sometime next week.
Next week?! Wait wait wait! I'm sure it'll fit.
Maybe we've just got to wiggle it a little.
Grab that side, we'll wiggle it.
Ray, you can't wiggle Let's just try! Grab that side.
Look, I said I'll take care of it next week.
There's not going to be No no no.
This is going to fit in.
You've just got to you've got to get it here.
Agh! Oh my God! You hurt your back! Let me see.
Ow ow ow ow! How are you feeling? Doctor said I've got to just stay in bed a couple days.
We're really going to clean up on this lawsuit.
Dad, I told you, it's not Gianni's fault.
Hey, we're going to win this case.
I want a Camaro.
Hush up.
Sweetie, you should know by now you're not a man who can lift things.
Hi! Hi.
Hi, Ray.
We just wanted to stop by and say hi.
- And some other things.
- Robert.
What were you thinking when you recommended Gianni? He ripped out our sink and hasn't come back.
I'm washing plates in the bathtub.
Good, 'cause now you know what a bathtub looks like.
Ow ow ow! Ow it hurts when I laugh.
Oh, really? Hurts when you laugh, huh? What are you doin'? Seriously, man.
Stop it.
Don't make me laugh.
Who's making anybody laugh? I mean it.
Just stop it! Stop it! Ow! I'm not doing anything.
Ow! Get your face away from your brother! Ow! That's for recommending Gianni! Hey, lunkhead, it's your fault for hiring that clown when you already got me! I thought he was a professional.
He stinks! Look at my little crippled boy! Dad! He's pathetic.
Look at him! That Gianni's a butcher! I'm getting me a Camaro! What's worse, Ray knew Gianni stinks, but he chose to keep it a secret because they're friends.
Gianni doesn't stink.
No? Hmm, that's interesting because I think the very definition of a person who starts a job and doesn't finish it is stink y.
I know you're upset with Gianni Do you still have a thing for him? Is that what you're saying? No! Robert, we only went out for two weeks! Oh, so now it's two weeks? Hey.
How's the world's strongest moron? I'm sorry, I didn't know you were having a viewing.
Hello, Gianni.
Hi, Gianni.
We were just going.
Hope you feel better, Ray.
Robert, good news.
I spoke to the sink people.
They said even though it's on back order, you should have it by the end of the month.
- End of the month?! - Come on, Robert.
I just want to talk to him! No, Robert! Because he's your boyfriend! Come on, Frank.
Raymond needs to rest.
And, Gianni, don't stay too long.
You got it, Mrs.
Hey, Mr.
See you in court.
Is he still mad about me doing the kitchen? Oh he's still mad society makes him wear pants.
Anyway, I just came up to tell you I'm all done.
I fixed up the old stove and put it back in like Debra asked.
Oh, thanks.
All right, listen, I'm gonna go.
Here's this.
I'll let you rest.
Get to it whenever you can.
$2,000? Yeah, it's a little more than I said just 'cause of all the extra work.
Extra work? Yeah, taking the new stove back, putting the old one in 'cause your wife changed her mind.
By the way, I see what you mean about her.
What? It's just like you say I'm trying to work, she interrupts every five minutes to tell me to turn down my TV.
Listen Originally, wasn't this gonna be $1,500 and that included a new stove? Well, yeah.
But, like I said, your wife changed her mind.
I know.
But that's 'cause the stove didn't fit.
I know.
But I was gonna take care of it.
I know.
But you said you couldn't get to it till next week.
I know, but so what? So we shouldn't have to pay for something that wouldn't have happened if you had measured the cabinets right in the first place, - instead of - Wait a minute.
You think this is my fault? It is your fault, and I'm not paying for this bill.
Uh yeah, you are.
You're charging me 2,000 bucks, and I got the same exact kitchen that I had before! This bill is for my time.
I was here six days.
Six days watching "Come on dow" ow! Six days having to deal with your whole family.
Hey, don't you say anything about my family.
My family is totally great! You wouldn't pull this with someone who wasn't your friend.
That's right, you're my friend.
You're not supposed to screw me ow! Screw you? You're lucky your ass is in a sling Or what? You'd start a fight with me and then not finish the job? You know what's incredible? I gave you a break.
'Cause that bill should be 3,000! Yeah? Well you know how much it is now? That's it.
Don't ever call me to do anything.
Work, golf, nothin'! Good, fine! Fine.
Debra's right, you do smell! What do you mean I smell? You do nothing, and yet, somehow you work up a smell.
What?! Hi, Gianni.
Don't worry.
You don't have to smell me anymore.
We still smell you, we still smell you, we can still smell you.
I still smell you.
Why did you tell him I said that? Because it's true.
Look at that bill.
What?! That's right what.
I knew it.
When he pulled out that little TV, and I started hearing "The Price is Right" song and him guessing prices, and always over This just shows us: You should never hire a friend.
Yeah well, don't worry.
He's not my friend anymore.
Oh Easy easy.
Ea agh.
I'm sorry, Ray.
No, I mean, it's just Iook, whatever.
- Aw.
- Ah.
- Mm.
- Mm.
I'm sure you'll work it out with him.
Yeah, we'll see.
I'm still your friend.
You're a girl.
You know, I guess, uh I'm gonna be out of commission for a while.
Don't worry.
It's not like Van Gogh lost his paintbrush.
Listen I just wanted to stop by 'cause, uh I Look uh, it's okay.
No, 'cause I r No, you don't gotta - Yeah, but l - Just forget about it.
- Okay, but I really - I know.
Shut up.
Game's on.
Any score, big nose? Not yet ass nose.
That's right.
Hey, by the way, about the bill Don't worry about it.
No no.
I'm gonna pay it.
Hey, don't worry about it.
- Well, what about your time? - It's fine.
I'm making it up on a couple other jobs.
- Ray, I wanna talk to you.
- Gotta go! You're next!
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