Everyone Else Burns (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

The voice-over is not included
It simply describes what we see.
Rachel? Wake up!
What? What? What is it? School?
There is no school.
That and everything else has gone.
The Lord has begun his Great War
of Armageddon.
The old system is done.
We have to get to the woods NOW.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh!
It's OK. It's OK, Rachel. Calm down.
Pack your bags
and get down the stairs
before your soul turns to ash.
Pack your things, Aaron,
the end time is here.
Which wedding photo, Fiona?
Portrait or kiss?
The kiss is more lively and vital.
Can you help me save Gideon, David?
We should prioritise living things.
Loud and clear. Kiss it is.
Come on, Rachel. Your neighbours are
being swallowed into the pit.
Go. Quick, quick. Thank you.
Please, God, deliver us from evil
Rachel, God's not going to answer
your prayers right now.
He's busy lighting up heathens.
I'm asking him for salvation!
I pray that Rachel gets all her
just deserts in the afterlife.
Aaron, I don't need your pity to get
into paradise.
I didn't ask for you to get
into paradise.
I asked for your just deserts.
We're going to meet the congregation
at the top of Blakely Pike.
There we'll pray, shelter,
and eventually bury the corpses
of the sinful dead.
It's going to be very special.
Make haste. The stars are literally
falling from the sky.
Is God going to let me survive?
I couldn't say. Who can fathom
the mysteries of the creator?
I'll give you about 50-50.
No! Please! Please!
Probably a sinner fleeing
the hellfire.
They'll be struck down before
he reaches Stockport.
God help us all.
Can I have some food?
No. You get biscuits
after the moon's turned to blood.
No-one's here.
Did we make it? DID WE MAKE IT?
Two hours 19.
Not bad for a practice run.
The planet is safe for now.
Let all that worry pour out of you.
See, Rachel, those biscuits
would have been a waste.
I'm sure he's just relieved.
Some folks say the Bible is not
true ♪
We were three shipments behind.
You've saved us in one morning.
How are you so fast?
Not fast. You're slow.
Unbearably slow.
David, for most of us, being a
Go Parcel sorting agent is a job.
For you, it feels like more of
a calling.
How's about going full time?
You've changed our lives.
We just think you're
OK, I'm going to stop you there,
Sid. I'm here to pay the bills
so my family can serve God.
That's it. In fact, you should
prep for my departure
because on Sunday, the order
is promoting me to elder.
I don't know what that means.
Well, it means I'll be a full-time
spiritual shepherd,
and my stipend could be,
no exaggeration,
up to 75% of what you pay me now.
So, I can't convince you to stay?
You sure?
Sure as I am this package will make
it to Macclesfield.
..Oh, yes, yes, yes, I believe. ♪
Dad got me up at 4am
to do apocalypse practice.
Mm. I'm not going to ask
what that is.
B minus. Would have been higher,
but I reserve As for students
who remain conscious.
You do want to get into uni, right?
Got a lot of goodwill riding on it
and some real money.
I can squeeze in 30 minutes
of revision
between preaching and bedtime.
If I skip dinner.
OK, you can nap here over lunch,
but FYI, I've just had a bad
break-up, so I will be doing
some aggressive marking.
What's aggressive marking?
Hug the rim, Rachel.
My locks need their edges
to be straight.
Can you not just go to
a hairdresser?
And miss the consistency of the bowl?
No. This is your duty.
Fiona did my scissor work for years
before you came of age.
I won't go back, Rachel.
God doesn't judge you
I should be in paradise right now.
This suburb should be a crater.
The real apocalypse
will come soon enough, Aaron.
It better.
David, when are we replacing the TV?
It's nice to have background noise
that isn't Aaron's pencils
or you chewing.
I don't know if we should replace
it. It broke in an act of God.
You poured a jug of water on it.
There were people kissing
on there with tongues.
The Lord guided my hand.
Hmm. I really want the TV back.
It's decided. To hang in its place,
Aaron's sketching a drawing of
us all in paradise. Right, Aaron?
After this morning,
there may be some creative changes.
Rachel, what are your eyes
like when you're scared?
That's it. That's the look.
Right, now that I look the part,
it's church time.
Last meeting before
they promote me to elder.
Are you sure they're promoting you?
I've staked my happiness
on it, Fiona.
So, yes.
Oh, greetings. Good morning.
Oh, Andrew's on greeting duty.
Godsh, he's very blessed in
his suit choices, isn't he?
To pull off such
a light pastel blue.
Oh, the Lewises! Greetings!
Hello, little man.
I'm sure I looked just as good
when I was his age.
He's two years older than you,
Rachel, go reserve us our own row.
Can't have Andrew sat next to me
when I'm absorbing God's word.
Look at him with Aaron.
Man has no ability with kids.
Yeah! Yeah!
Be respectful, David.
He's still recovering
from his wife's death.
I know, Fiona.
He won't let us forget it.
Ah! Our secret handshake
has grown to 17 steps now.
High five, Aaron?
No, thanks, Dad.
Shall we head in together?
How about you head in
and we'll follow after a long gap?
Oh, David, you crack me up!
Andrew's so great.
Shut up, Aaron.
And that little boy, he said to me,
he turned and he asked,
"What's that sound?"
And I looked at him and I said
.."That's the sound
of Satan's hooves,
"clip-clopping on your driveway."
Great storyteller!
One job, Rachel.
I gave you one job.
Now, I have some rather
grave news to conclude with.
The Jay family are no longer
ordinands of God.
They've been excluded.
I can't go into what they did,
but a reminder that drug dealing
is a mortal sin.
And we do consider coffee a drug.
There is only one way now for us
to extend our love to them,
and that is to shun them completely.
Thank you.
First excluded in five years.
There were warning signs.
Their daughter has dyed pink hair.
That's the Cooks, David.
They're sat right behind us.
Good morning.
Do you feel bad for the Jays?
They knew what they were doing
when they opened that cafe, Rachel.
Can I have everyone's attention,
We have a new resident who's moved
to the area and has requested a visit.
Which ordinand lives near
Blakely Road?
I do!
Elder, I think Andrew is just
confused or stupid or something.
I live closer to Blakely Road.
David and I are neighbours.
He lives on the far side
of the cul-de-sac.
He might as well be in Gaza.
Well, if it is contentious,
I could pray for guidance.
When? I don't want God getting a
bias for you before I pray to him.
God sees all of time, David. Hmm.
Don't do it before 8pm.
The Elders will resolve this.
Well, I'll be happy either way.
I'll be happy one way.
I'm the most deserving.
My family does more preaching
than the entire congregation.
That's not true, is it, David?
Well, the week's not over yet.
In fact, Rachel,
didn't you say you wanted to do
some preaching today?
I really need to study, Dad.
Two hours studying, or
saving a soul for all eternity?
Peace on Earth by Coleman Family
I've been reading Revelations
About things to be
Where John was writing down
the things he'd seen
He wrote of a place
that you put down sin
With thanks to God
when you live again
Cos it's going to be peace ♪
Hello? Hi.
Would you like to hear about God?
Would you like to talk about God?
Get lost!
Hello. I was wondering if you'd
like to talk about God.
Oh, fuck off, nun.
Hi, would you like to talk to me
about God?
God. God.
God. God. God.
Sure. Come on up.
Wait. Really?
Eighth floor.
God is now setting up his church
Teaching his saints
what they should know
For the mission is the kingdom
where they shall go
Cos it's gonna be peace
Peace right here on Earth
For God is now setting up
his church. ♪
You want to talk about God?
Uh, are your parents home?
It's just me.
OK, well, you're a man
of marriageable age,
so we'll at least need my mum
on speakerphone.
Her number is 0161
I'm Joshua.
Like Moses's friend in the Bible,
if that reassures you.
You're being sarcastic,
but, yes, it does.
So the narrow path
leads to salvation,
which is the righteous path
to heaven.
But the wider path
Do you guys ever just have fun?
No music, no films.
It's like you live in North Korea,
but at least they get to
watch parades.
I have tonnes of fun.
OK, what's your favourite song?
You're trying not to think of
a hymn, aren't you?
Do you want a nibble?
No. No, thank you.
I'll I'll have fun
when I'm ready for it.
I'm applying to uni.
Uni? Pretty liberal.
Your parents aren't worried
you'll OD on ketamine
and realise you're bi?
I don't know what those things are.
I've got something for you.
Unsolicited Order magazines.
I'm returning them,
including the one you rammed
underneath my wiper blade
whilst graphically describing
what it would feel like to melt.
I wanted to make clear it
wouldn't be a quick death.
Melissa, you have to understand,
we believe millions will perish
unless we personally save them.
But you're so needy about it.
If you keep giving me these,
I'm welding shut my letterbox
or buying a violent dog.
Right. The new TV calls.
You should try it, Fiona.
It's good for relaxing,
or distracting yourself from
an overbearing life partner.
Well, Fiona wouldn't know about that
because I destroyed our TV
and refused to replace it.
So you have five dog leads
and no dog?
Yeah, I abduct dogs
and keep their leashes as trophies.
That was a bad joke.
I work as a dog walker.
One of them's a show dog.
Right. He has more money than me.
So could I put you down
for a repeat visit?
Maybe then you'll have some
better jokes.
And any questions or clarifications
from your visit today?
What do you think about
excluded members?
Oh, I don't think about them.
But do you think it's right
to shun them or, like
..cut them out forever?
Well, I'm sure anyone cruel enough
to commit a mortal sin
wouldn't be very nice company.
Do you think I'm bad company?
I used to be in the Order,
in the Prestwich chapter.
No, no, no, no.
Wait! Wait a sec.
Why did you even invite me inside?!
I could be exiled
for even speaking to you.
How many friends
do you think I've got?
The closest thing I get is my mum
occasionally crying on the intercom.
You don't even know what I've done!
And I don't want to.
Mrs Lewis, I'm Rachel's teacher.
I was just in town and the uni
flyered me for their open day.
I thought Rachel might want to know.
So you came to our house
on your weekend?
Well, I've just had a break-up,
so lots of free time.
Plus, my betting shop banned me
online and in person.
Anyway, I don't want to overshare.
I think you already have.
I guess we've got different
What makes you think Rachel
wants to go to university?
Well, her face lights up
when we talk about it.
So you have no proof?
Will you pass this on to her?
Let's swap.
Great. I'll call Rachel now.
Bye now.
Our daughter's on the brink
of moral hazards.
Let's talk to her tomorrow
after church.
Once I'm elder, the David
fear factor will increase tenfold.
Good ministry? Nothing happened.
Where's your preaching bag?
I must have left it at church.
I'm sorry, Mum.
I'm so, so sorry.
The guilt's already weighing
on her soul.
Got it. Thanks, David.
Normally I'd say you can't
dress like that, David,
but we need you more than
you need us.
It's promotion day, Sid.
When Andrew sees these lapels,
he'll know who the alpha is.
David, I wanted to say, I know
you're a hero in your community.
You speak the truth.
But this is our promotion offer.
Senior title, better wages.
I always wondered if you'd be
my Lucifer, Sid.
It's a no.
This world of click and drop
packages, fishing licenses
We do those? We do.
It's your world, not mine.
So you can keep your envelope
and the assistant manager badge
within. How did you know?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to grasp my destiny.
Goodbye, Sidders.
So let that be a reminder.
Cover your mouth when you yawn.
Cos that's how the devil gets in.
Now, to conclude our service,
I have an announcement that I know
some of you have been waiting for
for a very long time.
Oh, here it comes. Listen to this.
The rear blocked toilet,
which has been out of action
for so long
..is now operational again.
Is that what you meant, Dad?
I mean, that is huge, but
Blessings be. Blessings be.
Samson, you didn't announce
the new elder.
Is it delayed, or were you
going to tell me in private?
Oh, no. No announcements today.
Well, when will there be?
Because if, say,
I was already an elder,
but it just hadn't been announced,
I wouldn't want people mistitling
me. That would be rude of them.
I do have some news for you. Yes?
I spoke to the other elders Yes?
And we've decided that you should
have sole ministering rights
for Mr Johnson.
The guy Andrew tried to steal?
He's mine?
Well, I wouldn't say he was yours.
You'll be his spiritual shepherd.
All mine. Great.
Where's Andrew? I think he left.
Is he aware of the new arrangement?
I've got to go.
Let the trumpets ring out.
Let everyone know my noise.
David, if you don't stop revving,
you're going to break the clutch.
We're sallying forth, Fiona,
on a quest to catch the interloper.
If need be, we'll sweep the entire
city until we find that he's there.
Oh! There he is.
I don't believe it. That's the guy!
Andrew's already buttering up
my flock.
Well, can you at least
get out to confront him
instead of shouting through
the window? Oi, Andrew!
Andrew, what are you doing?
He's betrayed me
in front of the Romans,
and I didn't even get a kiss.
Brother Lewis, I was just telling
Mr Johnson here
that you'll be looking after him
from now on.
Really? I thought it made sense,
given my new responsibilities.
Your new what?
I'm an elder now.
There is no new elder, Andrew.
They didn't announce anyone.
I asked them not to announce me.
I didn't want the extra attention.
And it turns out a lot of
the congregation
already thought I was an elder,
so it won't be too different.
Blessings, Lewises.
David, if you're going to scream,
you should do it in a pillow
at home.
It's better for the kids.
David, when do you think
you can come?
My girlfriend just broke up with me,
so I need someone to talk to.
Soon. Tomorrow, or? Soon!
Please get our broken car
moved, David.
You blocked the church car park.
Elder Shem says if it's not gone
by Monday, he'll run it.
No? I didn't catch that.
I'm still thinking about
Andrew's coup.
Not so fast, Rachel.
There's something
we need to discuss.
Your teacher sent me your report.
Did I not do well?
English, A.
Science, A.
They're all A.
Rachel, this is disturbing.
It's deeply disturbing.
How much preaching time
did you waste revising?
Most parents would be pleased
that their daughter's
doing so well in school.
Most parents will be dead forever.
Straight As, five out of five
for effort.
Where did we go wrong?
And then there's the matter
of your propagandist teacher.
I was a smart girl, Rachel.
I could have gone to uni.
But I chose to raise this family.
Imagine what would have happened
if I strayed from the path.
We might never have met.
Yes, indeed.
It's warning signs like this
that force me to act.
Why do you think I dragged you
up that hill?
Cos you want to be elder. No.
I don't covet promotion!
And to make that very clear,
we're doing another
apocalypse practice tonight.
David, please don't make us stay
awake just so you can save face.
I won't do it to save face.
I'll do it because
it was always the plan.
This was today!
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't the serpent tell Eve
about the apple?
Oh, wait, he did,
and now women have to give birth
and serpents have no legs.
Hey! What are you doing on my road?
What are you doing on my
preordained dog walking route?
Your bag had your address on it,
so I figured you'd want it back,
so you can destroy any evidence
of us meeting.
Oh. It's a good bag.
Mine has dog treats, now.
God's word has given way
to bacon dust.
FYI, I walk this route on weeknights
at 7pm.
Just letting you know,
so you can steer clear.
Yes, Aaron!
This is why you're getting an
early baptism
instead of waiting
like the common chaff.
A vision of paradise
from our very own master artist.
The whole family laughing and
Am I in some kind of Jacuzzi?
It's boiling tar, Dad.
For your misdeeds.
Is this about apocalypse practice?
You raise my hopes
only to dash them,
so you go to the tar pits.
Well, at least Rachel's smiling.
Mad, after aeons of agony, Mum.
I'm going to speak to next door.
In your vision of hell,
can we atone and ascend to heaven?
Something tells me something's
going to happen tonight ♪
I read in the papers that Gemini
people will make it tonight. ♪
Melissa, I wanted to apologise
for inconveniencing you.
I'd love to wipe the slate clean
What do you want?
Can I come and watch TV?
My family are being unbearable.
Makes sense. Come in.
Everything that we've been
dreaming of
Something tells me
something's gonna happen to you
The smile on my face
is the smile ♪
Rouse yourselves!
Smoke is rising from the pit!
Awaken. No, Dad, please!
Rise up. Rise up.
God's holy terror is nigh.
Deceiver! A second deception!
Just pack your bags.
Oh, I woke up this morning
With sunshine through my window
Everything that's happened,
So far has turned out right
And I got every reason
To feel it's getting better
It's getting better every minute
Wait until we meet tonight. ♪
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