Everyone Else Burns (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode 6

Samson said baptism
is a test from God.
If he doesn't accept me?
What if nobody does?
I will always defend who you are.
I promise you'll rise
from the water a new man,
independent and self-sufficient
like me.
Do you want me to tie it?
Yes, please.
OK. Last boxes. And before you ask
why I'm in black,
I'm still in mourning
for my dignity.
Fiona, you weren't sick
on Andrew's actual wife,
just the symbol of their undying
That's worse.
Actually, now I've said it
out loud, it is worse.
You can't be here!
My family's inside.
I'd just like to speak
to you about the air ambulance.
I know the air ambulance
has had problems recently.
There's been a lack of transparency
about, um its past.
But if you'd like to be a part
of its rehabilitation story,
read this.
Thanks, but I'm not sure I do want
to be a part of it.
Your charity just really let me
..when I needed it.
Rachel, you should talk to Julia.
Please just go.
Huh, charity workers.
Imagine knocking on doors
to force your ideology on people.
It boggles the mind.
Have you seen my friend Julia?
She's not answering her phone.
She's about this high.
She wears, like, chunky trainers.
Shoplifts all the time?
Yeah. I banned her for life.
She tried to swipe
a whole Chupa Chups carousel.
It was like she wanted to get
Are you going to buy summat?
What's that?
Oh, the most caffeine
you can legally buy in one can.
I feel bad enabling this.
You've got another one to get
Are you sure you've got enough room?
Yeah, it'll all fit.
They're taking forever.
Ooh, my back's about to go.
I'd like to speak to an elder.
That's strange. I thought I heard
something there,
but I can't be sure.
I want to come back.
Abijah, did you just say something
Well No, you didn't.
I'm making an official request
under the charter to return.
Come on, Dad.
After three years, it's finally
just you and me, and Abijah.
For administrative reasons,
Abijah has to be here.
Hey, Joshua.
I had no idea Samson had a son.
This is a great day.
Quiet, Abijah!
It's a great day.
So, you decided to come back all on
your own?
No order member persuaded you?
Of course not. That'd be forbidden.
So it was a coincidence, then,
that a female ordinand
made 12 visits to your exact block.
Oh, wow. How did we miss that?
You file that report, Abijah.
We'll be talking afterwards.
Someone came, but they had no idea
that I'd been excluded.
So then why did you put a fake
name on a preaching card?
The guilty heart always reveals
Which order member was it?
You already know.
I want to hear it from your mouth.
Rachel Lewis.
Thank you, Joshua.
Do you like gifs?
You look as good as I feel.
What are you doing here?
The cafe around the corner does a
hangover smoothie. Charcoal, ginger
and I think they shove
some crushed-up paracetamol
in there as well. Does it work?
It makes me throw up. So, yeah.
Joel invited me to his confirmation
at your congress thing.
Are you going to go?
Is heckling encouraged?
No. I'll skip it, then.
I thought your religion
was anti-caffeine.
I'm a caffeine-chugging harlot.
It's just one can.
Oh. Josh and I had a big fight.
I don't think we're going
to recover.
Is that why you decided
not to do the uni thing?
You deleted your application.
Or someone did.
I have to go.
I'm going to have that.
Have you seen Andrew?
He said he'd guide me gently
through this.
Don't worry, my friend.
This is a joyful occasion.
It's relaxed, it's loose.
It's chill. OK, everyone.
Inside this building
are our so-called neighbours.
But don't be deceived.
You're about to enter
a battleground.
Well, it's a happy meeting place
for all our different chapters
A hostile battleground, Abijah.
Give no quarter.
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine ♪
This all seems quite amicable.
Why was he lining us up
in formation?
Ah, Dunstan, God's only mistake.
Samson, just as decadent as always.
I'm a chaste servant of my flock.
I count three different
colours in your outfit.
Jesus was a carpenter.
I'd like you to meet Joel.
He's our convert.
Have you got a convert this year?
I helped bring him in.
David, you defaced my home.
I'm still considering pressing
Well, I'm doing lots of other
work for our chapter today.
The boys have given me a job.
We also have the most stalls here.
Nothing to be proud of.
These stalls are wanton.
Our only stall is a protest
against stalls.
Cheer up, Fiona.
We're about to feed the 5,000,
but with bags, not fish.
And the miracle is our
profit margin.
Yes, I'm probably overselling
this Andrew situation, right?
I'm sure he's not even
thought about it.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
I might not be a good neighbour,
but at least I'm a good mother.
I deleted Rachel's uni application
to protect her from temptation.
That is cold-hearted parenting.
I mean, even Matilda's mum lets
her get adopted at the end.
Can't we just use a hose?
The buckets need to be individually
blessed, Aaron.
Hose water won't take
you to the afterlife.
Who are those guys?
They're the Ancoats chapter.
They're off to hell.
The rainbow belongs to God.
Can I go speak to them?
Aaron, keep your voice down.
But Shush, Aaron. Shush.
Joel, apologies for my lateness.
I was, um, gardening.
Oh. Was it that, er tree
you were talking about?
I tried to save her,
but for the second time in her life,
Mary is dead.
Well, I'm relieved you're here.
It's felt a bit confrontational
so far.
There's no confrontation.
Everyone here is our brothers
and sisters.
Oh, the Worsley chapter.
Abijah, don't let me do anything
I'll regret.
Why would you do something
you'd regret?
Samson, oh, Samson ♪
Oh, Lord, I can feel the hate
rising up.
Samson, we sent you tickets
for our production of Joseph
And The Dreamcoat. You never came.
There's a place in hell
for you next to Lloyd Webber.
Well, I loved it.
I thought you dealt with the whole
polygamy aspect very tastefully.
Abijah. Sorry, my hands are wet.
Hold still. Thanks, Abijah.
Can't wait to save the day
with my chocolate voice.
Well, stick to the script
and all will be well.
Attention, everyone.
People will be getting
baptised from 4.30,
including Aaron, Aaron Lewis,
and some others.
That was an ad-lib. Yeah.
Dad, did you delete my university
Not knowingly, but I do a lot
of things on the home computer.
I understand at most half.
Did you do it? Hand on heart,
Rachel, I don't remember,
but almost certainly yes.
You've ruined everything!
Uni is a moral hazard, Rachel.
God didn't need a 2:1
to create the Earth.
Your daughter looks
..I want to say unhinged.
Your daughter looks unhinged.
I did what I had to do.
OK, you can fuck up your kids
however you like.
Just letting you know
it's happening.
Andrew's coming. Fight or flight,
should I stay or should I go?
Sell, Fiona. The answer's always
Andrew, you look sad. Do you want
a badge? Hi, Fiona.
I thought I'd come and clear the air
and tell you that everything's fine.
Is your tree OK? No. It's dead.
With the acid in your stomach,
the soil pH dropped to 7.25.
She didn't stand a chance.
But it's fine. I've moved on.
Really? Joel's been reborn,
so I'm going to put all of my effort
into him.
Yes, as long as he converts,
it'll be fine.
He's my new Mary.
Oh, hello, sister. Blessings be.
Why have you been ignoring me?
Elder Dunstan called upon me
to assist in the lemon drizzle cake
Thought it was going to be an
easy-going role, but
Taste, then spit.
You have 27 more cakes to go.
Swallowing would be folly.
I need to talk to you about Joshua.
I believe in Scripture.
Joshua led the Israelite
conquest of Canaan.
I mean the Joshua who
committed fornication.
Who made this cake?
My chapter.
We consider self-raising flour
a sign of decadence.
Elder, can I take a moment, please?
Are these cakes a game to you?
In earlier verses of the Bible,
Joshua met someone at summer camp.
Summer camp? An oasis in the Judean
Eventually they were found out,
but he took the fall
so that she could stay
and her parents would never discover
what they'd done.
That's not at all
how the Book of Joshua goes.
Bye, Rachel.
What are you drawing?
My Bible here is visiting the city.
Here's Jesus enjoying
some Manchester Vimto.
He likes it so much that he turned
the whole canal
into a blackcurrant blast.
It's a fruitful collaboration.
What's this bit?
The gay village. Wow.
And your dad's OK with that?
Of course. They both are.
It's where they met.
Rachel, sometimes as a mother,
you have to make hard decisions
for the sake of your family's
There's a path
..where I end up in heaven
and you don't join me.
I will never let that happen.
And that's why
I did what I had to do.
You deleted my application?
I removed temptation from you.
You hypocrite!
You didn't get to go to university,
so now you're dragging me
down with you.
You started a business.
You created something.
You bent the rules to do it.
Now I have to spend the rest
of my life wondering
what I might have achieved
if my mum hadn't got in the way.
There's nothing to be done now.
The application's been deleted
and Samson would never allow
you to go anyway. What the fuck?
My daughter doesn't usually
swear like that.
If she even knows that word,
you've failed as a mother.
This is for you, Joel.
My Mary wore it on the day
that I converted her.
I thought this was going to be
a kind of quiet, private thing.
Yes, Joel,
but your conversion's a big
deal for us.
Big deal for me.
Brothers and sisters
It is an honour to announce
that we have a new convert,
a convert who is about to make
an unbreakable commitment,
completely unbreakable!
Joel? Joel?
Looks like your prized catch
has slipped the net.
Such a loss.
I'll sing a mourning song for you.
Oh, Joel, where did you go?
Where have you flown?
Oh ♪
Relax, Joel. You're safe.
None of your weak furnishings
are around.
Getting in the conversion zone?
Er I can't go through with it.
Let me just check my mic's off.
Let's talk man to man.
You guys all know what you believe.
I have doubts.
I have doubts.
Of course I do.
We have to take so much on faith.
I worry I've got it all wrong.
Abijah, kill this. Kill it now.
You seem so sure.
I seem a lot of things -
skilled preacher,
a master storyteller,
a humble, modest everyman.
But the truth is, I feel
lost sometimes, too.
These last few days have made it
very clear how little I understand,
how I'm making mistakes
all the time.
And yet I am the wisest,
for I know I know nothing.
That's a quote from Jesus. Socrates.
Well, there you go.
The world will always surprise you.
People will always surprise you.
I can't make this choice for you,
because you're the one that's
going to have to live with it.
But I love my family.
And our faith brings us together.
Well, me and Jesus got our own
thing going ♪
I'm ready. Yeah.
I was worried that you guys
were too intense,
but I feel better now. Good.
Come and be reborn, Mary.
Why is everyone applauding?
Is it the bow tie?
Yeah, Dad. Yeah.
Fucking idiot.
Well done, well done. Thank you.
That was amazing!
David maybe I was too quick
to judge.
Perhaps you could be an elder
after all.
Aaron - finishing touches.
We could make use
of your deft linework.
Who is this? Gary from Ancoats.
His dad said I can go round his
house sometime.
Can I, Dad? You let your son
fraternise with them?
Of course you can, Aaron. Have fun.
Come on, let's go!
An elder wouldn't sanction that kind
of behaviour, David.
Good thing I'm not an elder, then.
We need to talk. Hmm.
Yeah, Mum, I did it.
It really feels like a
A fresh start.
Oh. Hang on, Mum.
You missed my confirmation.
I've never seen you in a suit.
You look good.
Well, thanks.
I'm on a new path now,
a purer path.
Do you want to fuck me
in my Ford Focus?
Wait, are you serious?
What are you doing here?
Please don't be angry with me.
Don't be angry?
This is so dangerous.
If anyone finds out
Rachel, bit of a tricky sitch.
Joshua's dad Sorry,
Elder Samson wants a chat.
Wait, Joshua's dad?
Wow! You're way behind.
Sister Lewis.
I spoke to your mother.
She wants to appeal your university
application so you can go.
Now, if you were a model ordinand,
I might allow it.
But you're not. Are you?
Joshua gave you up.
Whatever was going on between
you two
clearly didn't matter much to him.
So, here are your options.
Remain in the order on penance,
revoked privileges,
monitored preaching hours.
Or pursue university
and be excluded.
And if your family even
tries to speak to you again,
I'll have them excluded too.
Your choice.
David, are we good parents?
Proverbs says whoever spares the rod
loves his children.
Isn't it whoever spares the rod
hates his children?
I gave it a David twist.
Why can't we be humble
Like the good Lord said?
He promised to exalt us ♪
Rachel, I've realised
you need to make your own decisions.
The application's right here,
all you need to do is press send.
That's the way God planned it
That's the way God wants it
to be ♪
It's OK, Mum.
I'm going to stick around.
That's the way God planned it
That's the way God wants it to be
For you and me
Oh, that's the way ♪
Can I have one?
Tough day?
God forgive me
That's the way God wants it to be
Oh, and that's the way
That's the way God planned it
That's the way God wants it to be
For you and me
Oh, and that's the way ♪
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