Fargo (2014) s04e04 Episode Script

The Pretend War



What the fuck?
Reverse. Go, go!

OMIE: Get out of the car.
What did you say to me?
All of you. (EXHALES)

That's what I thought.
All bark.

When first I come to America,
I know nothing.
How to dress, what to eat.
I sleep in a closet with a
stuck hanger in my jacket
so I don't fall down.
On the street I hear this phrase.
You know this phrase:
"American values."
And I think, "What does it mean?"
Financial values I understand.
Money. What a thing is worth.
Human values, this also makes sense.
The things we love.
Family, i bambini
But this American values:
land of the free,
home of the brave,
this I don't know.
And then I learn the
history of this country.
Your slavery, the
smallpox in the blankets,
how you stole the land from the natives.
And I realize
to be an American
is to pretend.
You pretend to be one thing when
really you are something else.
And I can do that.
Lie. Hide.
But what I will not do is
pretend we are at peace
when really we are at war.
Are we at war?
Not yet.
But we're trying real hard.
It was a step too far, no?
You mean you?
What? No. You steal the guns,
- You kill my man.
- You're shooting at my boss' boy.
What you say? A shot?
- Who shot?
- Your goons.
Taking a shot at the
boss' boy, the eldest.
Calamita and the Rabbi.
And the way I figure,
Calamita is lucky that
we didn't off him, too!
You didn't know?
How about a Spring Street stick-up,
night before last?
Two dames.
Shotguns, kitchen knives.
Took out two of my boys.
That-that wasn't us.
Well, are you sure?
'Cause it seems to me
that you ain't tracked in
on all the critical goings-ons
in your house these days.
I'll come back to you.
They told me ♪
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
A newborn King to see ♪
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
Our finest gifts we bring ♪
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
To lay before the King ♪
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
Rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
Rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
Me and my drum ♪
How many?
300 semiautomatic.
Out of New York.
So either the Faddas are going
into the gun business now
or they're going to war, with us.
Sell 200 to Mort Kellerman.
Out of Fargo?
Tell him he can have them at cost,
but he owes us devotion.
And, uh, this here
the snatch and grab?
Faddas say it wasn't them.
OPAL: And what, we trust them now?
Two broads, you said?
Yeah. One, uh, colored,
one squaw.
They could have farmed it out female,
the Italians, confuse the matter.
Nobody's dumb and
smart at the same time.
This here is just some crime.
Two Bonnies.
We got to beat the
bushes, flip some rocks.
- They'll crawl out.
- Yeah.
What we need to do
is find out who's on top
over in Little Italy.
One or the other.
They come at my family again,
we'll kill them all.

Oh my God!
- Ah!
Signorina from Italy ♪
Oh! Oh
- Jesus Christ.
- Oh.
- JOSTO: Is that
JOSTO: What was that?
- Mmm.
They all agree that we ♪
I was reading the most delicious article
last night about Istanbul.
Even the word's
romantic, don't you think?
I think that's where they
filmed Casablanca.
They filmed Casablanca in Casablanca.
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
Oh, y-yeah, course. Silly me.
Just, doesn't it sound divine?
Getting away,
laying out for the northern territories,
wind in your hair?
I got mouths to feed, answerability.
Oh. A box, you mean
four walls of pine,
which is (SIGHS)
well, a coffin is what it is, mister.
There are places in
the Amazon rain forests
where a million butterflies
take flight all at once.
Isn't that something a man
should see before he dies?
My brother's in from the old country,
breaking balls.
Ah, excuse you, Mr. Potty Mouth.
It's just, I swear I
could kill that guy.
- Your brother?
- No.
Doctor at the hospital.
Stuffed shirt, thinks
he shits cornflakes.
Your mind's a clutter of grievances.
Here I am, talking about waterfalls,
and you're making a list of nemeses.
Friends or enemies.
That's the world, hmm?
Oraetta Mayflower's enemy to no man.
You're a dame.
Where I come from,
we sleep with one eye open
and a razor in our teeth.
You got any more of
that fluffy whizbang?
Get my head on straight?
And here I thought you
liked me for my vocabulary.
Well, it's not your vocabulary
that just took a ride in my lap.
Hey! That rude.
We fly elevated in this house, mister.
Proper ladies and gentlemen,
which is a lesson
you should take to heart
in your other lives.
And you sleep with a mouthful of razors,
it's your own throat that gets cut.
Believe you me.
You got the powder or not?
ORAETTA: I thought you were refined.
Why, 'cause my shoes are shiny?
Look at that. You left a mark.
Mm. I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
What is this?
Uh, sorry. I was
Is Miss Mayflower home?
ORAETTA: Nobody wants you here.
You said 50 cents or a
dollar for organizing.
- I got to go.
- Well, d-don't you don't-don't
See what you did?
Sorry. I just
if you need help with organizing,
or anything (SIGHS)
We need the money.
Well, now, look at you.
I didn't recognize you
in this dark hallway.
- You said
- I did, but can it wait, sweetie?
Oraetta's got to get to work.
I got time now.
- I'm a good organizer.
- Oh
There's that gumption.
Ah, fine.
Come in while I get cleaned up.
I'm usually oh, so organized,
but, well, these days my mind's
like a little bird, a
million miles away.
Oh, I've been reading
about the kings of Egypt.
Pharaohs, they're called.
Like that King Tut they found
living inside a pyramid.
He's a mummy, so
dead, I think.
Of course. Yeah.
Well, no, he wasn't "living in,"
he was laying in.
Why, sometimes my mouth says
just the strangest things.
Oh, shoot. I've got to fly.
Now, will you just put some things away,
so that when I come home
tonight I don't feel like
jumping out the window with
everything such a jumble?
Uh, do you want me to wash these dishes?
Oh, would you? That'd be swell.
Oh, and while you're at it,
my room's just down the hallway.
So if you're doing dishes,
you might as well clean the sheets.
(QUIETLY): Sheets.
- What's in there?
- Oh, never you mind about that.
Now, like I said,
there's, uh, there's
French-playing records
just by the hi-fi, and, uh,
yeah, you can borrow any book you like.
How much?
How much what?
The way I see it, this whole place
Sheets, dishes, three hours' work
That's at least a dollar.
Well, aren't you a little capitalist.
What the hell are you doing here?
I got to tell you something.
You're gonna hear talk, about me,
something I did or maybe didn't do.
Shining a bad light, I mean.
Just be aware of whose lips
are doing the flapping.
You being a fink?
It sounds like you're being a fink.
- I botched a hit.
- You botched how's that?
The Cannon boy. Lemuel.
Calamita said get in the car,
so I got in the car.
We tailed the kid. He said light him up.
I'm sinking my teeth into your jugular
- if this story ends with
- No, no, no. It don't.
Like I said, he told me to open up,
but events didn't feel right.
"On whose authority?" I ask him,
but he don't say, so
I laid on the kibosh.
But the kid saw my fangs, no doubt.
And look, look, if you ordered it,
I got no problem accepting consequence.
But I know you don't
want to start a war.
I didn't order a goddamn hit!
So you're saying what? Gaetano?
You're telling me that porkpie,
ziti-eating greaser
is giving my boys orders now?
That sticky golem wop.
Gotta be kidding me. (GRUNTS)
- Look. Here.
You're a good boy. Reliable.
- You're with me, right?
- Mm-hmm.
All right. You're gonna watch 'em.
- Who?
- All of 'em.
You're like a fucking bird on a wire,
got me?
Eyes in the back of your head.
What about Calamita?
Uh, don't worry, he'll get his.
It's a new day. Got me?
Spring fucking cleaning.
You're either loyal, or you're with him.
Find that cop, Odis.
Tell him to come to
the club, rapid fire.
That's right.
The Pump and Go out on Route 16.
I'm the nightman.
You might tell the
marshal what you told me.
About the lesbians?
Well, there was two of them.
Uh, a injun and-and a colored woman.
And they were conversing.
Y-Yes, sir, that's correct.
I'm asking what was the
nature of the exchange?
Oh. Uh, just, uh
normal chitchat.
See, I th-thought you said
they were talking about skipping town.
When you called me.
Right. Yeah. Skipping town.
That's affirmative.
Uh, said they was headed to Chicago.
Yes, sir. Chicago.
S-Said they was on their way.
There it is.
Guess they flew the coop. (CHUCKLES)
I'll, uh, I'll walk you out.
Thank you for coming in, Mr. Sinclair.
- What's this?
- Don't be an idiot.
Least I know how to open a damn door.
Guess you're off to
Chicago, then, buddy.
That's too bad.
We were just starting to hit it off.
Funny story.
We're a national agency, turns out.
The U.S. Marshal Service.
We got offices in Chicago,
Indianapolis, all over.
- So, I'll pass along the tip,
but Kansas City was my mandate,
and Kansas City is where I'll stay.
You know, in case they circle back.
That's fine. I just thought
- I got to run an errand.
- An errand?
See a snitch, I'm saying. An informant?
You probably we got a code.
Well, hell, why didn't you say so?
- I'll drive.
- That's d-don't
don't, don't, don't,
don't trouble yourself.
Amigo, please. It's the least I can do.
You giving orders now?
Calm down.
It's a gunfight, asshole.
What is this your little war council?
Boss, I told them to wait for you.
Did you know?
took a shot at Loy's
kid. Did you know?
EBAL: I just found out
from the consigliere.
And you you're lucky
my man was there.
Or I'd be cutting your throat
with a can of cat food right now.
Ayo. They stole from us.
This morning, these mulignani. Yeah.
300 guns.
Because they think that we are weak.
They're right. You're weak.
You're weak.
You took a shot, you missed.
Now my enemy's got,
what, 300 guns?
Do it.
Please. Do it.
Do it.
It's not his fault. Come on.
I'll be a minute.
Is this the minute?
- I could come with.
- No.
No, no.
I-I got to don't want to spook him.
Have you accepted Jesus
Christ into your heart?
- Get the fuck out of here.
- What's the ordeal upstairs?
Booze? Gambling?
If a man's pud need a tug,
would this be the
place for said tugging?
What's that supposed to mean?
You'll see.
What is that?
An O?
get the fuck out of here
before I put an O in you.
You ever been to Salt Lake?
That's where I'm from.
We had some Italian
gentlemen move to town,
few years back.
Thought they could make a few bucks
turning our sons into junkies
and our daughters into whores.
We dissuaded them of that notion
with a noose and some horses.
Must have dragged 'em six, seven miles
before their heads
popped off.
I'll be in the car,
waiting for my friend,
if you need me.
You fellas have a nice day.
EBAL: Look, kid.
We are trying to avoid a war here.
So you're gonna remind these mulignani
that they ain't just fighting us,
they are fighting city hall.
They are fighting the cops.
Know your place. Tell them.
Or else. (SNIFFS)
And you. You're gonna go to New York.
- Perché?
- You're gonna go to New York,
kiss the ring,
tell them we got
everything under control.
Maybe bring back a few guys.
Which is it?
What is it with everyone
today thinking they can
talk back to me like
we're having a debate?
You put the muscle on Cannon,
bust some heads, make some arrests.
And you put on your traveling shoes,
'cause you're on the move.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh.

It's not safe for you
driving in this neighborhood.
Faddas got PD on payroll.
What I got to do won't take that long.
Dead or in jail.
That's what I tell
him every time I leave.
If I don't come back it's
cause I'm dead or in jail.
Was it a warning or did you fuck up?
I protected your son.
By firing your gun at him?
I protected your son.
Who's calling the shots over there?
The ape or the pipsqueak?
Cops patrol these
streets every ten minutes.
You don't want to linger.
They don't respect you.
You know those wops you run with?
You're not one of them.
And I know what you did.
Boo-hoo at the back door.
"Help me, Daddy."
Then in come the goons.
You don't know nothing.
What's that like,
killing your own family?
I'll tell you what. Bring me my boy,
and I'll consider us square.
Maybe God will, too.
You know, it's not
too late to right thyself
in the eyes of the Lord.
Why don't we stop talking
and you cut me some more?
Bring me my boy
plus I give you five grand.
How about that?
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
They ain't your family.
Anything happens to my boy,
either of my boys
it's gonna be like you killed them.
And I'm gonna feed you to some pigs.
Sounds fair to me.
I know, baby, I know.
It's okay, gorgeous, I'm here.

Swan Lake?
- Swanee?
That's okay, that's okay.
He does that sometimes.
Mean ol' Mr. Snowman.
Who made that pie?
- What?
- The pie. Who made the pie?
I don't know. The neighbor, I think?
What are you doing here?
Which neighbor? That nurse?
You're out here risking arrest
to ask me who made dessert?
No. I'm your Monopoly card.
My what?
Your Get Out of Jail Free card.
Whe where?
- Thurman, can I give you some advice?
- Yeah.
When the money fairy comes to visit,
don't ask questions.
Why's it smell funny?
Also a question.
How much?
I don't unders
- You got a sister?
- No.
Then you don't know.
She's proud, my Dibrell.
But when she loves you,
oh, there's nothing she won't do.
Best you not tell her about this.
Just pay the man back and say "bygones."
Hear me?
She's not gonna like it.
No, she ain't.
But she'll get over it.
What we don't get over is
being dead.
Wait, where do we find you?
We're staying at the New Parie.
One night, maybe two.
Swanee needs recovery,
then we're on the fly.
You tell my niece I'm proud of her.
Tell her don't let no sorry ass
cut in front of her in line.
Uh, what line?
Any line.

there's a white man at the door.
Dad, there's a white man at the door!
You got 30 seconds to
convince me not to shoot.
That's a lot of greenbacks, Thurman.
Yes, sir, it is.
Where'd you get it?
Well, sir, I'd ra I'd rather not say.
It was, uh,
the loss of a loved
one, if you must know.
My dear Uncle Boolie.
he passed last week,
left me this money and
since you were nice enough
to give us that loan,
I figured I should bring
it to you straightaway.
So he left you this bag of cash.
Your uncle w-what was it?
No, sir.
His bequeathment came in check form.
Uh, I just figured
cash'd be easier for you.
Thurman Thurman, always thinking.
I got to tell you,
I can't remember the last time
a white man tried to
make my life easier.
Well, here's me, then. (CHUCKLES)
Here's you.
Well, okay. Thanks for stopping by.
Okay, then.
That's hoo.
I got to say, I really thought
you were gonna shoot me there,
money or no.
- I thought about it.
I'm gonna go now.
Good choice.
- You have a lovely home. Uh
- Leave now.
Son of a bitch.
Someone's happy.
- Will you marry me?
(LAUGHS) Stop it. We did that already.
Well, I'm saying let's
just do it all over again.
- That's how much I love you.
- Oh
You being stupid now. Stop it.
- What about you?
- What about me? (LAUGHS)
Will you be my beautiful,
brilliant daughter?
Did Daddy hit his head?
I think so. (LAUGHS)
Oh, what are you doing?
Get some pop now. Be quick.
- Spill the good news already.
I did it.
- We're out.
- Out of what?
Out of danger. Out of debt.
- THURMAN: Never you mind how.
All that matters is
your daddy fixed things.
ETHELRIDA: You're kiddin'.
THURMAN: On a stack of Bibles,
it's sigh a relief o'clock around here
at the old Smutny household.
THURMAN: Aren't you gonna drink?
What did you do?
I told you, I fixed things.
- Where is she?
- Who?
You know who. Where is she?
- Babe
- Don't "babe" me.
Do you got any idea
what she did to get that money?
Dad, what's she talking about?
Now, Dibrell, I'm gonna
I got to put my foot down here.
This was not casting stones, but
And look, I didn't want
to you remember,
take that money in the first place.
- A man like that, so
- Thurman Howard Smutny.
THURMAN: No, I solved it. I
Opportunity knocked and I
walked through that door.
- I seized the
- Baby
what did you do?
Whatever I did, it's done.
She'll be all right.
it'll all blow over soon enough.
MAN: Now I get it.
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