Five Bedrooms (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

Previously onFive Bedrooms
The commune is being sold. It
all became a bit of a debacle.
I'm bankrupt and I'm divorced.
I need to get a place that's
better for my daughter.
Plus romantic complications.
I don't want to be the
thing that stops you.
- You deserve to be happy.
- Yeah, but so do you.
Given Mum's current situation,
I have to move back home.
MANJU: You're not gay.
HEATHER: Tying yourself
to that man is insanity.
I know we've got a complicated past,
but I've put that behind me now.
I'm pregnant. It's yours.
Mel is pregnant too.
You should be
surgically castrated.
AINSLEY: I just want to get
through today and sell this house!
We are ready to open bidding
I'm having this baby.
On this incredible family home.
You're not gonna
do it on your own.
- Who wants to start me off?
- I'll be on hand 24 hours a day.
- You'll have me too.
- 2.5!
I don't want to lose this
house. These five people.
- Bugger it.
- 2.6.
- The five of us.
- Three times!
- Right here.
- Sold! To the lady on my left.
LIZ: This was not what
I'd imagined for my life.
I mean, being at
another auction, sure,
buying a family home, yes,
but I'd imagined buying
it with a family.
They cut back the shrubbery.
That was a mistake.
I don't mind seeing
out to the street.
Yeah, but you hate the
street seeing back to you.
- Seriously?
- That makes a lot of sense.
I hadn't imagined
my gay best friend,
a middle-aged nurse, a
pregnant woman or a tradie.
- (GASPS EXCITEDLY)
- Uh-uh. No, no, no, no.
Pull yourself together.
Remember, we show no emotion.
OK, we emit an aura of entitlement
and generational wealth.
Um, obviously, Heather, you just
be yourself.
I'm gonna register.
We'd been apart for months.
We'd looked at 24 open homes.
So I was determined.
Today was the day.
- Hello. It's Anton, is it?
- Yeah.
Hi. I'm Elizabeth Wendell. I'd
like to register to bid today.
Yeah, of course. Have we met?
No, I think you've been dealing
mainly with Ainsley Elling.
Uh, redhead. Pregnant.
Um, excitable almost to
the point of self-injury.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- No.
Harry Sethi? Heather Doyle?
How many of you are purchasing?
- Oh, five of us. Yeah.
- Ah. OK.
You're a company or?
Um, more of a collection
of friends or, um
a consortium - I'm not quite
sure of the collective noun.
- Maybe a a mob or a gaggle.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
OK. Wow!
And that works?
So, cot over there and then the
bookshelf and change
table on this side.
No. No. That's too
close to the lounge.
- Isn't that a good thing?
- No.
The feeding chair next to the
window. Or is that too draughty?
What?
Oh, I I just remember putting
the nursery together for Timmy.
- Course, he never used it.
- What?
Well, he only slept with
me. If he slept at all.
And he wailed if I put
him in the feeding chair
or tried to dress him, so
most of the time, I just
cranked the heater up
and let him cruise around naked.
Never left the house.
It was a magical time.
OK, this is it.
Shoulders back.
Any final words?
Are we still 100% on this place?
What?! Yes, Ben. Yes, we are.
The four-bedroom place
is not an option.
If you just saw it
Ben, the five of us are
not built for a reno.
And I'm I'm sorry, but I'm
not interested in a possibility.
We need a reality, you
know, with at least
two bathrooms and
central heating.
OK, any other, less
destabilising final words?
Heather, can I just
have my phone back?
- No.
- What's this?
She's infatuated
with my dating app.
I'm just doing a final
assessment of the local talent,
as I would any other
aspect of the surrounds.
We're not gonna judge this house
based on the abdominal
definition of the neighbours.
- It's looking pretty top-tier.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
Sweet Jesus! We've got a
live one 20 metres away.
OK, I'm gonna do
the final words, OK,
'cause you guys have all
just really let me down.
OK, this has been a long road.
We've been apart for many months.
But when we go out
there, we are unified.
We feel neither pity nor pain.
Because this is our home.
So let's go out there
like we already own it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be
commencing the auction momentarily,
so if we could please ensure
that all bidders are registered.
I'm thinking back flank
position, quiet power.
Or should we go
forward and prominent?
Ains? Professional opinion?
Makes absolutely no difference. We
just have to spend the most money.
- BEN: Oh.
- HEATHER: Psst!
- Harry.
- What?
The 20-metres-away hot guy
is the real estate agent.
What?!
You wouldn't pick it
at first glance, but
Jesus Christ! Are they implants?
- That's not a real photo.
- I don't know.
That shirt's hanging off
him like no-one's business.
His name's Anton
and we have a match.
Do not tell me
you're swiping right!
I'm just sending a winky face
and a water-splashing emoji.
Oh, my God. Heather,
just give me the phone!
- I can't do that!
- Yes, you can!
- Shh!
- Mate, mate, come on.
You banged on about all the life you
were gonna live when you came out.
I hate to break it to you, but
you're out, mate. This is it.
- I did not 'bang on' about it.
- You totally did.
If you don't get your rocks
off now, what was the point
of putting yourself
through all that trauma?
- Just give me the
- You owe it to yourself!
- (HEATHER AND HARRY ARGUE)
- (BABY FUSSES)
- MAN: Is it too late to register?
- ANTON: No, no, no, no.
- Not at all.
- Fantastic!
- Great.
- Fill that out.
(BABY FUSSES)
Bit of a rush to get
here, but we're here.
- What? What's wrong?
- Stuart.
That's Liz's ex-husband.
There was no conscious
logic to my sudden bolt.
Certainly no destination.
Nothing made sense.
It hadn't even been a year
since Stuart and I
were declared bankrupt.
How can he be buying property
with a partner?
And a baby?
In the 10 years
we were together,
I'd never even seen
Stuart hold a baby.
- (BABY FUSSES)
- (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
It's getting a little
better. I mean you know.
I'm helping with the feeds.
I mean, it's closer to 50/50
now she's off the breast.
WOMAN: You did two
night feeds last month.
(LAUGHS) Well, maybe 60/40.
Every single time it came up
What about you two?
He deflected.
Yeah, I'm keen, but, um that's
really Lizzie's department.
I leave all the important
decisions to her.
When I pushed the
point, he delayed.
Look, if we wait two
three years tops,
we could actually be in
a position to retire.
Hey, imagine what kind of
parents we could be then.
Stuart, I'm already
considered geriatric.
Yeah, the most attractive
geriatric I've ever seen.
- That's that's not helping.
- It's helping a little bit.
And when everything
was falling apart,
I wondered if part of him
was actually relieved.
One month.
One month on the
ground in London.
I swear.
This is millions of
dollars' worth of debt.
I know it doesn't feel
like it right now,
but we're still on track for
everything, sweetheart. (KISSES)
He said all the right things.
Look, this is it's a
comma, not a full stop.
But I honestly didn't
believe he wanted kids.
But clearly
(DOOR BANGS)
He just didn't
want them with me.
- Hey. You OK?
- Sorry.
How could he be buying
a house like that already?
And with a baby?
You alright?
- We missed out. It's gone.
- To Stuart?
Nope. Some smug baby boomer
outbid everyone, again.
And you were the
only one registered.
Oh! God, sorry
You kept saying if we didn't
lock something in this weekend,
we were basically fucked!
- Heather!
- Well, she did!
You're in your second trimester
and I'm about three syllables
away from killing Colin.
Whoa, whoa! How how
about we just take a breath?
Maybe grab a a quiet beer,
get some chips or a meat platter,
do a bit of a regroup?
- Do you need some time, Liz?
- Oh, no, God. Let's
Is that the first time
you've seen him since
The apocalypse? Yeah.
Last time I heard, he was unemployed
and living with the religious cousin.
And you didn't
know about the kid?
We have zero confirmation
he's anyone's father.
Hey, Heather, can I
have my phone now?
- You're driving.
- What?
AINSLEY: OK. I'm starting
a new spreadsheet.
All our remaining options.
I think that'll make the whole
situation a lot more manageable.
HEATHER: You are the
only person alive
who is comforted
by a spreadsheet.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Oh! Hot real estate guy!
(SIGHS) OK. Can we just
"Shame you left so quickly."
"Should I interpret that
as a lack of interest?"
Does he mean interest
in him or in the house?
- Doesn't matter.
- I think you'll find it does.
Mate, I'd go back with, "Still
very much in the market."
Winky face. Open
flame. Eggplant emoji.
No, no, no, no! Wait! No.
You need to say, um well, "If
we want to talk real estate,"
"maybe let's use emails, and we
can use this for personal stuff."
No! Jesus! That'll kill it
like a bullet to the head.
Listen to me. Out Loud Harry
lives in the blurry spaces.
- He doesn't shut down possibilities.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Who is 'Out Loud Harry'?
- What'd he say?
Um, "Would love to present
you with some options."
"And I could not be more open to
seeing what you've got on offer."
- HEATHER: Yes!
- No!
Please, just please
put it down. God.
(BABY CRIES) - STUART:
..give him this little toy.
LIZ: (GASPS) Oh, my God!
- Oh!
- Is that
- That's Stuart.
- Oh.
She's driving. Interesting.
- Is it?
- Well, he's on reach-back duty.
You're only on reach-back duty
if you're a competent
human the child trusts.
Colin never got there.
- Harry, follow that car.
- LIZ: What?!
Liz, we all know you're
gonna be in a mental loop
till you get answers,
so let's get answers.
I don't even know what
the questions are!
And we really should
prioritise the schedule.
Some of our options might only
be available this afternoon.
We can spare half an hour for
a bit of light surveillance.
We're just gonna
establish an address
for further
reconnaissance purposes
and then we're outta there.
OK, go. Go.
- A bit further back.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
Oh! Hot real estate guy.
- Oh! Can we just drop
- Nope. He's come back hard.
"Obviously, I aim to please. What
in particular are you looking for?"
OK, he's clearly talking
about real estate.
Oh, Harry, there is a long,
sordid history of estate agents
using open homes for their
own, you know, purposes.
No, that is a total
industry cliché.
Yeah, but it's true.
- Hardly ever.
- Thank you.
I would go back with, "I'm
looking for something big,"
"something long term."
Do not write that.
"Looking for a welcoming
central hallway."
OK, can someone just grab
the phone from Heather?
- Just use force if you have to.
- He's turning.
LIZ: No, th-this is too
visible. It's way too visible.
HEATHER: It's fine.
LIZ: How could he have
bought a house like that?
HARRY: We don't know anything.
OK. We're just gonna sit
here for half an hour.
You said we were just
gonna get the address!
First rule of sleuthing
always stay half an hour
longer than you planned.
Well, does anyone mind if I return
to our unfolding real estate crisis?
Can't promise I'll listen.
I think there's a few places
we might have rejected hastily.
Uh, there's the house with
the disturbing smell. Hmm?
The house with the wall shade
Heather described as 'bile'.
Or there I mean,
there is the six-bedroom,
which looks pretty good,
but I've been avoiding it
because it's listed by Lachlan.
- I'll go.
- That's not reassuring.
BEN: At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
that four-bedder
Ben, I really think that
we're all in agreement
Yeah, but if you just saw it.
This wicked space
coming off the garage.
It's got high ceilings,
exposed beams.
OK. He's on the move.
Well, are we following him?
- No!
- HEATHER: Just sit tight.
OK. Ains, grab your
folder. You're with me.
- What?! What are you doing?
- Why am I with you?
Two minutes. I'll
have your answers.
Wait! Wait! Heather!
What I what is she doing?
Wh-what is she doing?
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Oh, my God.
HARRY: Oh, God.
(KNOCKS)
AINSLEY: What am
I supposed to do?
Don't say anything.
Just follow my lead.
Surely one of us
should say something.
(DOOR OPENS)
HEATHER: Sorry to disturb you.
I'm Heather Fitzpatrick and
this is Ainsley Rapsomanikis.
We're from the council.
Just, uh, completing routine
smoke detector checks.
According to our records, there
are four smoke detectors here.
Is that correct?
- Um, I think so. I'm not sure.
- Well, you mind if we step in?
We're just trying to
settle the baby, so
(WHISPERS) Happy to whisper.
Oh.
- Oh.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
There's, uh there's
definitely one in the kitchen.
- Yep, here.
- Right, yep. Yep.
And there's also one
here.
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
Your, uh, basic, uh,
240-volt BQR model. Mmm.
I just have to confess,
I'm not 100% sure there's
a battery in there.
I think I might
have taken it out.
I'm I'm so sorry. Every time
I cooked steak, it went off.
- It's fine.
- HEATHER: Can I just get your name, please?
Uh, Caitlyn Higgins.
Look, uh, Caitlyn. You
seem like a nice kid.
And, you know, 'cause
you were up-front,
we're gonna turn a
blind eye this time.
But I'm gonna need you to get
some 9-volt batteries asap,
and I'd, you know, suggest
you get yourself a fan.
I will absolutely
do that. Thank you.
Could I just ask, um
how many people
live here at the moment?
Uh, just my husband
and I and our son.
And your husband, he's
out at the moment?
Uh, no, he's home.
I'll I'll just get him.
Can you
- MAN: Who are these women?
- I don't know.
I think they're
from the council.
MAN: Where?!
Uh, these are smoke detector
- Checkers.
- ..checkers, from the council.
- MAN: Sorry?
- Uh, just confirming.
It's just the three
of you here, yeah?
- Well
- Oh.
We we do have a friend
staying with us at the moment.
- Yeah.
- Um, just temporarily.
A friend of Nick's. He's been
through bit of a rough time.
Aww. That's no good, is it?
Since when do the council
have smoke detector checkers?
(BABY FUSSES)
Should I call I'm
just I'm gonna call her.
Good.
Oh, my God!
(STOPS ENGINE)
Oh, God! He's seen
me. He's seen me.
- BEN: It's OK, Lizzie.
- LIZ: How?
STUART: Liz?
What are
- Hey, Liz.
- Oh!
H-hi hi, Stuart.
- Harry.
- Hi, Stuart.
Uh, what are you doing here?
HEATHER: I don't know
what to tell you, Nick.
Go to the council website, see
the legislation for yourself.
I'm really sorry if
I've offended you.
Yeah, well, you know
what? That ship's sailed.
I just hope you show
a bit more respect
to the council compost checkers,
'cause they're not quite
as personable as me.
Um Stuart, these
are my housemates.
This is, uh, Ainsley, Heather,
uh, this is Ben, and
and you know Harry.
Liz, this is, uh, Caitlyn.
She's Stuart's friend.
Just his friend.
He's just staying with her
and her husband temporarily.
- Sorry, you know Stuart?
- Are you all from the council?
STUART: The council?!
This is Liz.
CAITLYN: Oh, that's
who you mean.
- Liz.
- Did you think Caitlyn and I were
(LAUGHS)
Hey
I've been trying to
contact you for months.
You know that, right? You
didn't read any of the emails?
I've been kind of busy, Stuart.
Look, they all pretty
much said the same thing.
I just want an opportunity
for us to talk.
Just for an hour.
Tomorrow?
- OK.
- OK.
Sorry, sorry.
The boys swore
they were going out
and they ended up
playing some video game.
Mass Murder on a
Beach or something.
- Hello.
- Oh
OK.
- (SIGHS) Come on!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We gonna be sneaking
around like this forever?
- Not if we get a new house, no.
- And wait. Wait.
So when we get this new joint,
what are you thinkin', that
we'll we'll share a room?
Is this about the four-bedder?
'Cause you know that's
- No, no, no. Aside from that.
- OK.
I'm I'm up for it.
I'm more than up for it. I'm
keen. I want to wake up with ya.
Oh.
- You're not with me?
- Oh, no, no. You know.
Of course I want to
wake up with you.
It's it's just, you know
it's just bigger than that.
Bigger than what?
You don't know what
people say about us.
People don't say anything,
'cause we're always doing
this bloody sneaking around.
Want to know what I
would say if I saw us?
Yeah. What what
would you say?
"Who does she think she is?
Old enough to be his mother.
- "That kid's in his prime."
- Oh, that's not
"He should be out breeding.
"He's obviously got mummy issues
"or he's a he's a
bit," you know, "simple."
(LAUGHS) That's a bit harsh.
Look, I am a simple fella,
but I'm all clear
on the mummy issues,
and I just think I mean
this spark
would have been there any time,
when we were teenagers,
old people, whenever.
When I was 18, you were
- Oh
- ..how how old were you?
What I'm saying is (SIGHS)
Jesus!
You were three, Ben. You
were three years old.
I wasn't meaning literally.
I was meaning, like, if
magically I can transport us
Yeah, OK. Alright. Yep. Yep.
Just just give me a sec.
What was your favourite
song when you were 18?
(SIGHS) Going Down by
the Cosmic Psychos.
Cosmic Psychos, yeah.
Yeah, me too.
- Bullshit.
- It was.
Let's see if I can't
dig it up here.
- You've never heard it.
- Shh.
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh.
(BASS RIFF PLAYS)
Oh, yeah. This was
their first bass player.
He quit.
Five years in, he's
kicking himself.
(COSMIC PSYCHOS
SING INDISTINCTLY)
(BEN MOUTHS WORDS)
This is the first time
you've heard this song.
Shush! I love it.
(SINGS ALONG)
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
It's a limerick. It's a limerick
rhyme scheme. I used to know it.
(SINGS INDISTINCTLY)
(HEATHER LAUGHS)
(TRAIN HORN HONKS)
LIZ: The next morning,
my housemates were
all back on the hunt,
all of them pushing forward.
But I found myself
staring at my past.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Uh (LAUGHS)
- No, it's
Mwah!
So, thanks for meeting with me.
Uh, here's pretty good,
or, uh, there are a couple
of decent cafes further up.
Uh
First dilemma.
Obviously, I should
buy you lunch.
But at the moment, my budget
kind of lends itself to
a couple of McValue Meals
or perhaps fish and
chips in the park.
Uh, there's fish and
chips further up.
- On the corner.
- Great.
- HEATHER: You ready?
- Yeah.
Oh! You lost the
place that you wanted?
- Yes.
- No.
We did.
But we like the look of this
one. Do you have a brochure?
Could we have a word
in private, please?
Lachlan, I already know
what you're gonna say.
- You've said it several times.
- You're running late.
You need to open up.
Uh, I have almost
seven minutes, Heather.
And I'm not legally
allowed on the property
before the allotted time.
- That's bullshit.
- Standard practice, actually.
Why don't you pull up the
Constitution of Australia
and show me where it says that?
Ainsley, I'm telling you, this
is not the place that you want.
It is wall-to-wall concrete
floors. It's just a deathtrap!
Look, if you just
saw my new place.
The only step down is
into the sunken lounge,
which is a shag carpet -
it's perfect for a newborn.
Don't you want our baby to grow up
with its father over four randoms?
What I want is for you to do
your job and open up this house.
Fine. I'll bring the opening
forward, then, shall I?
For the sake of those
who refuse to live
within the boundaries
of Australian law.
I'll just break the law myself.
Yeah.
(OPENS GATE)
I hate to admit
it, but he's right.
Concrete floors are a deathtrap.
The kid would need a
safety helmet. Come on.
Well
(SIGHS)
STUART: Do you remember
our macrobiotic era?
LIZ: I do.
I remember our Paleo
era. Organic. 5:2.
I pretty much exist
on what we ate at uni
tinned fruit and baked beans.
- Oh.
- Well obviously not together.
One thing is for sure - I will never pay
80 bucks for goat's cheese again. (LAUGHS)
LIZ: That look.
I lost a decade to that look.
So, your
living situation, they're
they're Harry's friends, right?
Kind of. (CLEARS THROAT)
We, um we all met at
Harry's cousin's wedding.
Right. But it's good, yeah?
I mean, it's
complicated, but
it's also kind of lovely.
You think in some
stupid, fucked-up way that
it was just meant to be?
No, Stuart. No, I don't.
I was humiliated.
Sorry. That was a
poor choice of words.
I-I lost my career
because of you.
I lost all my clients.
I was I was
Marched out of the firm. I know.
You had to borrow off Harry
and take an office job.
Well
you weren't returning
my emails, but
I was kind of keeping tabs.
Look.
The main reason that I
needed to talk to you
is that (SIGHS)
I can't stop thinking
that I really pushed us
to delay having kids.
And it wasn't deliberate,
but it happened,
and I let it happen.
I just want to tell you, I am,
so sorry.
And I realise that saying that,
it's probably worse than
not saying anything at all.
I I just
I'm just sor sorry.
OK.
So, I don't know what's
going on with you personally
and whether
motherhood is still
something you see in you
Obviously, I understand there's
nothing between us anymore,
but I remember the plans.
I know we've got
things frozen, embryos.
So, Liz, if you wanted
to use that without me,
I wouldn't stand in your way.
Hang hang on. Wait. Wait.
Have our baby without you?
Oh, I don't know.
I'm sorry if it sounds
ridiculous or if it's painful.
I just had to say it.
Because I can't bear the thought
of costing you any more
than I already have.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Oop! Hello, sailor.
He's written, "Front
door is open."
"Let yourself in.
Meet me inside."
OK.
We're clearly walking into a
deeply sexual situation here,
and I'm not about to
be the third wheel,
so I'll see you
at the four-bedder
at 3:15, if you make it.
Ben, those are
simple instructions
for entering an open home.
That is a person
who intends to be
sprawled naked in broad
daylight when you arrive,
and (LAUGHS)
..all power to him.
Oh, God.
Am I ready for that? I just
I don't know if I'm built
for sudden sexual adventure.
Guess the question
is, do you want to be?
Uh, no Ben!
(SIGHS)
Hello?
Anton?
WOMAN: And this kind of yard
space is incredibly rare.
It's been in the same
family for generations
Oh. Excuse me. Uh,
can I help you at all?
Uh, I was meeting Anton.
Oh! Janelle, this is Mr Sethi.
I mentioned him earlier.
Looking for the
five-bedder plus nursery.
Would you mind
giving him the tour?
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, Janelle Belle.
Anton tells me you're looking
for a long central passage.
I think you'll find that
this will not disappoint.
I-is that correct or?
Oh, yeah yes. It
wasn't a prerequisite.
Great. Um, so,
let's head outside.
We're just gonna go and have
a look at this wonderful yard.
Actually, there's a garden
setting out there, be more comf
- No, no, let me see it.
- Um
This is a a literal garage.
- Yeah.
- (BOTTLES CLINK)
It's just.
I I thought it
was Stuart-speak
for 'stylish apartment
adjacent to garage'.
No, no. I live with a
distinct smell of brake fluid.
How how long
have you been here?
About, uh, six months or so.
Um Nick's been
really great, actually.
Lets me stay here in
exchange for being his PA or
nanny or whatever I am.
So this is where you imagine
Stuart Jr would
come on weekends?
Yeah. Least for the first year.
Kidding.
To be honest, you know
I kind of feel we
both got caught up
in that whole "let's find the
perfect family home" thing.
- 'We'? That was you, Stuart.
- No.
- That was both of us.
- That was 100% you.
Look.
I'm willing to accept
all other charges,
but you were addicted
to realestate.com.
Oh, I was happy in
the Camberwell place.
That was you that convinced
me that we could do better.
The first night in
the Brighton house
in the garden, in
that swing seat,
you turned to me and
you actually said this.
"People who say money doesn't
buy happiness, they're wrong."
(LAUGHS) That was
clearly a joke.
- No, it wasn't.
- OK, it wasn't.
In fact, you'd
never been happier.
Still haven't.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- I've got to
Yes! I have to get this.
Hello?
OK, I was an idiot. Ben and
Heather are also idiots.
The man just wanted
to show me a house.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah, there are other buyers here.
And another agent.
This is the least sexual
situation anyone's ever been in.
- Oh.
- How'd you go with Stuart?
- Oh, still going.
- OK. Quick headlines?
Oh, he's just suggesting
that I unfreeze our embryos
and have our baby. (LAUGHS)
- What?!
- Yeah.
Have a baby, with him?
I think I think he
means more like a gift.
- What?!
- Yeah.
Are you tempted?
No.
- You hesitated.
- No, no.
That wasn't hesitation. That
was umbrage. I'm leaving.
Um, I'll I'll meet
you at Ben's open house.
OK. Do you want me to
call you one more time?
No. I'm literally
walking out now.
- Coffee? Tea? Cask wine?
- (LAUGHS)
I don't think adding alcohol to
this equation would be a good idea.
And I I've got to go.
I'm on a brutal
house-hunting schedule, so
Before you do um.
I've had this drawn
up, in legal-speak.
And I've signed it,
for you to take.
You might never use it, but
basically, it gives up
all my paternal rights.
- I'm I'm I don't want it.
- Just take it, as an option.
Stuart, I'm never gonna
have our child without you.
Things change. One day,
you might want to have a
- Stuart, I'm never gonna do it.
- Oh, I don't know. Burn it, then!
If if I did this
you would always
be part of my life.
And I I still
(SIGHS)
Sorry. I, uh I thought
if I came here and I
I saw you one last
time and you apologised
and I yelled at you and I saw
how shit your life is now,
I'd be
released.
But
Honestly, all all I wanted to
do was the right thing by you.
- That's all.
- (LAUGHS)
Well, if you want to do the
right thing by me, just
I I know. Uh uh, I get it.
- (SIGHS)
- I'm sorry.
Thanks for hearing me out.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)
Heading off?
Oh, yeah. It's a
a lovely property.
But I think maybe not the
one for me. Or for us.
Anything in particular you were
after that I didn't offer you?
Uh uh, no. I-I think I
Sorry.
I don't know if I misread
the situation, but
the way you were messaging me,
I thought maybe today was
- Sorry. I gotta go.
- No, no.
I thought I was making
my position pretty clear,
but then your answers
got so formal,
I just thought, "OK.
He's not into it."
But you are?
Wait here.
Janelle, this isn't
the one for Mr Sethi,
so I'll run him through
some other options
and finish up here if you want
to head back to the office.
JANELLE: Oh, lovely. Has Mr Sethi
seen the Shelley Street property?
ANTON: Good thought.
Thanks, Janelle.
- It's OK?
- Uh, yeah.
It's alright. I got it.
- (LAUGHS)
- Whoa.
- You OK?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Can we maybe just slow it down?
The owners will be
home in an hour, so
OK. Alright.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
Sorry.
- Still too fast?
- (PANTS)
I don't want it to be,
but but yeah, it is.
- I'm sorry.
- No, don't be. That's alright.
I think I-I'm maybe not a
"have sex in someone else's home with
a complete stranger" kind of guy.
Yeah.
Maybe you're more of a "have a drink, maybe
a bite to eat, ease into it" kind of guy.
I do want to be impulsive
and wild, but I
(SIGHS)
I think my soul is already
a timid, slightly
terrified late-50s man.
I actually really respect that.
You're very sweet.
But I'm very much a
hook-up guy. Sorry.
Oh. No. Of cour of course.
(LAUGHS) That's fair
enough. Fair enough.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Any interest in viewing the
Shelley property at all, though?
Oh, uh uh, no.
Thank you, but
Yeah, cool.
Might just get you
to stand up. Sorry.
LIZ: After months of
meticulous planning,
strategising and house hunting,
it had taken me 15 minutes
to throw my life
into total disarray.
Oh, Jesus.
Um, I I've gotta go.
I've got four people
waiting for me and I
exploded our best
option yesterday, so
I don't have a lot of credit.
So, was that, like,
the last hurrah?
Or can I call you later?
I'll call you.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Bye.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Uh, you need the remote.
- Oh.
- Just use this one.
Oh. Thank you. Thanks.
It's, um it's very
generous of you to
have a house guest when
you've got a newborn.
To be honest, I
think Maxie likes him
better than either of us.
- (LAUGHS)
- Seriously.
Stuart was the only thing
between us and total chaos
those first months.
Thanks.
HEATHER: Where is she?
HARRY: Just can we just give
her, like, five more minutes?
HEATHER: Come on!
- I'll just call her again.
- Oh
- I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting.
- Lizzie.
- HEATHER: You alright?
- Should we get inside or
Oh, Lizzie, I would dearly love
to go the full group pitch here.
- Well, we don't have much time.
- I know.
But you have mentioned the idea
of a reno makes you feel crook
a couple of times now, and
I'd just like the opportunity
to give you the big picture,
tell you what I'm seeing.
Well, can you give us the big
picture in five minutes or less?
Alright. Follow me.
Uh, where are you?
Uh, no simple answer to
that question right now.
OK. OK.
So, what I want us all to do
is to imagine Ainsley,
actually, a year from now.
Ains, I'm just gonna need
a temp name for the kid.
I don't want to reveal my
favourite names just yet.
It's alright - for the
purposes of this exercise,
we'll just run with Benny Jr.
So it's 2021. Alright?
- Ainsley and little BJ are
- Evie.
That was my mum's name.
Um, if she's a girl.
Alright. So Ainsley's rocking
up with little Evie on the hip.
And she's walking past
awesome established gardens.
Could use a bit more colour,
but that's easy fixed.
Follow me.
Every time Evie gets home,
boom, she's straight into
a living area,
filled with all her uncles and
aunties, spiritual figures,
standing by ready to cough up
advice, cash, tenners, whatever.
And I'll tell you what,
if they're not in here,
they'll be out here.
Nice kitchen.
It's pretty big.
Actually, you know what, Ains?
I could drill a spot right here
for Evie to sit, on the
bench, so she can watch us.
Or we could just
buy a highchair.
Ooh, yeah, mate. This
is where she'll perch.
She'll have a bird's-eye view
of Aunty Lizzie on the blender,
making juices out of stuff
that scares the crap out of me.
But you wait till
you see out the back.
Come on.
Ooh.
Ains and Evie's room.
Eh? Now, you gotta
use your imagination.
But just imagine
polished floorboards
skylight,
and big beautiful French doors
opening out onto the decking,
aka outdoor
chill-out/dining area.
And this this
will be the hub.
So every night, little Evie will
go to sleep hearing all
her uncles and aunties,
all the chatter, all of us,
talking about our days and
figuring out the universe.
Ains, you look like
you're stressing out,
and I know there's a ton
of work to be done
No. Is it possible that I could
feel the baby move this early?
Could be.
I think I just
got butterflies.
- Oh, can I?
- Yeah, yeah.
(LAUGHS)
AINSLEY: Whoa!
Did you feel that?
- BEN: Yeah Did you get it?
- HARRY: I don't think so.
BEN: There it is. There it is.
- (AINSLEY LAUGHS)
- HEATHER: Come on!
BEN: No. Well, I
think we can say
Do not say this is a
sign. 'Cause it's not.
If Evie got a vote, all I'm saying
is I reckon I know where she'd stand.
- (SIGHS)
- AINSLEY: Liz?
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
Uh, just FYI,
Liz's ex kind of just put the
idea of them having a baby
back on the table.
Jesus!
BEN: (SIGHS) Oh, well.
On the upside, if Lizzie does
bail and get back with her ex,
you've dodged a bullet.
You won't have to
shack up with me.
Look, If you'd asked me
a year ago if I wanted to
cohabit with another man.
I would have laughed
you out of the room.
(CHUCKLES)
But here we are.
We're in the room,
and I'm looking at you.
And I want to wake up with you.
Yeah?
Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
I mean, you know.
You'll want to keep that
extra room on stand-by,
'cause I'm not a morning person.
There's a 5:30am version of me
you will not be able to unsee.
HARRY: You OK?
We should go.
I just I need
to say something.
Just, uh, before we do.
Look, I have no idea
what happened today.
I mean, it's
it's pretty clear there was sex
and God knows what
other upheavals.
But, um
if having a baby really is
something that you want,
I just I hope you don't feel
like Stuart is your only option.
- Because he's not, and
- Harry.
I know we used to joke about
having a gayby, but, um
I mean, Daddy Harry could
not be any more inept
than Out and Loud Harry, and
I love you.
I-I always thought that if
I got the opportunity
to have a baby
I'd do it.
You know, I'd drop
everything and I'd do it.
Because if I didn't.
I'd regret it forever.
But I'm here now and
I've got the opportunity,
and I don't think I want it.
Maybe I'm not meant to be a mum.
(RINGING TONE)
- STUART: Hey.
- Hey.
Is now a bad time?
No. No.
Where are you? Do you want
me to come and get you?
No, no. I just, um
I just wanted to let you
know that I I really
I appreciate everything
you said today,
and that I I do know that
the offer was genuine.
I mean, not terribly well
thought out or executed.
(LAUGHS) But, um.
I can see that you've grown.
Well thank you. That
actually means a lot.
But I have too.
And, um
the situation that I'm in,
I never would have
chosen, and I'm
I'm a long way from comfortable,
but we've just found a
new home for ourselves and
it is where I want to be.
There is still something
between us, Liz.
And there probably
always will be.
But we missed our time.
You know, for what it's worth,
one of the reasons I married you
was 'cause I thought you'd
be an incredible father.
And
I really hope you
get a shot at it.
It just won't be with me.
Bye.
Liz (SIGHS)
Next time onFive Bedrooms
- Look who's just dropped in.
- Xavier's my nephew.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Terrific stuff.
Do you think I'm a wanker if I post
this as my pregnancy announcement?
This is your moment
with your baby.
You can share it
however you like.
"Shame, shame, shame on you,
you home-wrecking whore."
My stepmother called to let me
know she'd seen the comments.
- No!
- Yes.
- Very much so.
- Oh, my God!
What the fuck are
you doing here?