Flatbush Misdemeanors (2021) s02e04 Episode Script


What's going on, man?
- What's good? Uh
- How you?
- What is that?
- Sorry. I just
I'm just gonna say we did it.
Oh, and don't forget
to bring your djembe.
[LAUGHING] Just kidding.
[KEVIN] I thought you guys
covered all expenses.
Where'd you read that?
I didn't.
- You want a job?
- [DREW] The money
ain't what it used to be.
You need to stay in line.
See, this is why I can't go to school.
I need to make my own money.
I need to take care of myself.
Whatever you paid Zayna
to show up to your hearing,
you gon' give her that same amount
to get her to go to school.
I-I don't think I can.
- Right?
- Yeah.
S-Sorry. Yeah, I I can't do
other things, but I can do that.
Hi. Uh, I'm Dan, and, uh, I'm an addict.
My boss wanted to call the cops
on this guy. I wanted
to stop it. I also kind of didn't.
But now I just feel worse than ever.
How many time me have to tell?
Listen, me want three
three-speed tricycle.
Oh, so you want three tricycles
that go Wait. Say it again.
You deaf, or you not understand English?
Me say me want
three three-speed tricycle.
Yo, Kareem?
- Hmm?
- Do we have?
- Uh, can you tell him?
- Listen and listen good.
Me say me want
three three-speed tricycle.
- Oh, you want 33 tricycles?
- Waste of time.
What kind of fraud bike shop this?
- Fraud?
- Fraud?
Uh, her loss anyway.
You get that text from, uh,
White Keith? He messaged the thread.
Nah, I muted it after you started it.
Barry died. From middle school.
Oh, shit. That's cra You okay?
Yeah. Are you okay?
Yeah. What happened?
I don't know. I-I tried calling Keith,
but I guess his phone died like Barry.
- Crazy.
- First kiss.
- What?
- The first kiss I ever saw.
He kissed Jamie in the back of the bus.
Why'd you say it like that?
I don't know. I was just remembering it.
Is there a funeral?
There's a wake today, four o'clock.
Um, it's on the thread.
Damn. I don't have a black suit, man.
I wonder if I can wear another color.
Yeah, sure. I bet Barry liked colors.
Yeah, maybe.
I'll see you over there.
All right. Yeah, I'll be there.
All right, Kareem.
All right. Later, Couch King.
Come on, son.
Put this book away.
Nobody wants to buy a bike
from a guy who's looking
at dick pic scribbles.
Uh, I'm sorry, man. It's STD
Awareness Week at school.
Ah. Wish they had one
of those when I was a kid.
- Oh, yeah?
- I'm telling you, man.
Could've saved me a lot of bumps.
Yikes. Look, I have to be normal, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- I just got reinstated
part-time, and so,
I have an auditor coming
to watch me teach in a couple weeks,
so I have to really try here.
I believe in you, son, and I'm sure
you'll be teaching
them sexual disease classes
for years to come.
- Thank you.
- But until then
here's this weekend's shift.
Oh, um, would you mind
changing the shift
that has me and Kev working together?
- Saturday afternoon?
- Yeah.
That is the busiest time
for a bike shop.
You've never worked on a Saturday.
Oh, I need my weekends.
And plus, I thought
you and Kev was getting along.
I just seen you talking.
No, I know, but I think
we get along better
when we give each other some space.
You know? Like, being roommates
didn't work, but more distance,
you know, like, ten seconds
here, 20 seconds there,
that feels like
a good friendship we can handle.
I understand what you're saying, son.
Yeah? Are you gonna change the schedule?
- Of course not.
- Okay.
Hmm. The urethra.
have a rendezvous with destiny.
We'll preserve for our children
this, the last best hope of man
on Earth, or we'll sentence them
to take the last step into
a thousand years of darkness.
And then they gon' say, "Oh,
the lead is still up for grabs."
[SCOFFS] But you know there's only two,
maybe three of us that could
play lead, and Krystal
[CHUCKLES] is not one of them.
You sure you're good, bro?
Yeah, I just got mad shit to do.
I got to take this to the post office,
then I got to get some groceries,
do some laundry stuff.
Yeah, this living on your own, bro
I mean, 'cause it's okay
if you're not okay.
I mean, if my uncle got picked
up, I don't know what I would
I'm fine. It's whatever.
Yo, tell me more about this play.
Uh, we got rehearsals later on today,
but I don't know.
We're still trying to figure it out.
Girl, are you even listening to me?
'Cause I can take
my Black ass somewhere else.
They try to give the lead to anybody,
but anybody can't play the lead.
Krystal is trash, but
she's still getting a chance,
and you have rehearsals later on today.
A'ight. Point proven. My fault.
What you didn't say was
what the play was.
Some bullshit called
Alyssastrata. [CHUCKLES]
"Go straight to the matha." [CHUCKLES]
Talking about, "It's a comedy
for the frustrated."
Like, nigga,
I know this play ain't helped
nobody frustrations.
[CHUCKLES] Please.
You know, they got tape and bubble wrap
and all of that at school, right?
It's whatever. I'm-a just
I'm-a just take it to the post office.
I mean, I'm just saying,
tape is tape wherever you get it from.
Okay, Zay, it's cool if you want
to talk about Drew.
I don't.
Niggas get locked up every day.
You right, but I just think
you should articulate your
Amaya. What the fuck?!
I'm so sorry. Um, I'm so sorry.
Yo, my Uber outside, so I'm-a just go.
"E Sa Ma Miliki" by
Chief Commander Ebenezer Obey
Did I miss something?
Uh, yeah. They gave us an assignment.
We have to take a picture that conveys
contrast, juxtaposition or
[BRITISH ACCENT] an oxymoron.
- They said it like that?
- No.
I just like doing
a British accent sometimes.
You're not good at it.
Um, thank you.
Uh, wh-what was your name?
- Kevin.
- And why were you late, Kevin?
Oh, man, I was coming from work.
I got caught up on the train.
- I hate when that happens.
- Hey, so,
what are you gonna do
for the, uh, for the assignment?
I'm gonna take a picture
of a white person at a protest.
- Shouldn't be too hard.
- Yeah.
Don't take my idea, though.
- I'm serious.
- It's not original.
Yeah, shouldn't be too hard.
I'll just
I hope you're not taking that
to the post office.
- Yeah. Why?
- Don't nothing work over there.
So you mean nobody's working?
Nah, they're working,
but don't nothing work.
Like, if you want to change your
address, they don't got the forms.
If you want to ship internationally,
they can't do it.
The people behind the counter
can't even spell "Kose-oko."
- You mean "Kosciuszko."
- "Kaske-cuckoo."
"Kase-who-sue." It don't matter.
I can't say it.
They can't spell it.
They don't even got tape.
- Seriously? How you even know?
- 'Cause I used
to work there. I just quit.
[DAN] Dementia.
Strange lumps.
Worst of all, the devil's rashes.
[GIRL] Oh, that's nasty.
These are all things that can result
from syphilis.
Aye, yo, Teach, what about crusty hands?
Like, if somebody got reptile-type skin
and always wear the same shoes
every day. Is that a symptom?
[AMAYA] Oh, Greg.
[DAN] Oh, you're talking
about Greg? No, no, no.
- Okay. Yeah. You can't
accuse each other of having STDs, okay?
And you can't critique their sneakers.
- My bad.
- [WHISPERS] It's okay, Greg.
You got to have sex to get that, right?
You actually don't have to have sex
to get syphilis, okay?
But I'm gonna cover
all that today, kids. Okay.
Transmission rates.
- So, you ever get an "S-titty"?
- No, I've never
Well, why do you say it
like that? S-T-D.
- "S-titty."
- I've never gotten an "S-titty."
Okay? Not once.
- That's a "yes," folks. [LAUGHS]
- No. I haven't, okay?
But I know a lot about
sexually transmitted diseases
that could help all of you.
All right. Now,
15% of people still die from syphilis,
- but it is treatable, okay?
- Greg, you hear that, man?
You got some hope, man.
Greg has a lot of hope.
Greg has a lot of hope.
You're gonna live a long time,
Greg. A long, long time.
- [SIGHS] Fuck.
- [VENESTINE] They ain't gonna
pick themselves up.
Drew called to make sure
you're okay, to check on you.
- I'm fine.
- [SCOFFS] This is fine?
I'm just trying to make my money
and mail these orders out,
but this post office is
just a fucking mess.
Zayna, if you're worried
about rent, don't.
Drew took care of it, and if it
continues, we'll figure it out.
We wouldn't be in this situation if
if Drew just minded his business.
- You are his business.
- No, I'm my business.
I'm just trying to take care of myself.
It's not my fault
that Drew got arrested.
Nobody said it was.
I know that's what people think.
Sweetie, look at me.
What folks think about you
has nothing to do with you.
Do what you have
to do today to feel better.
And I'll make oxtail for dinner.
How about that? Okay?
All right, bet.
Where you going?
To Popeyes, in case I don't
like how your oxtails taste.
So, if I just give a
presentation, they don't listen,
but if I make it a sex discussion,
then they'll just roast each other.
I mean, they are teenagers.
Maybe I bring in a guest speaker.
Who's had, like, the most sex?
Do we know any,
like, '60s rock stars?
Yeah, everybody has on black,
but me, man.
I look like I'm happy he died.
No, you're fine.
I look like I don't own an iron.
- You don't.
- Yeah.
But it doesn't even matter
what we're wearing.
You know, we're here.
That's what matters.
I don't want Barry's people
to start talking about me.
Would you want an open casket?
I don't care. I'm gonna be dead.
Yeah. Please keep mine closed.
I feel like Kareem might try to open it.
Maybe put on a padlock.
Dan? Kev?
Shit. Theo?
Oh, Theo. What's going on, man?
Man, you two ain't changed not one bit.
Y'all both look so dry and awkward.
- Okay.
- Man,
why you wearing a Powerpuff Girls suit?
- It's a nice suit.
- This was all they had.
What color is that?
- Is that salmon?
- Yeah.
Yo, Barry's mom over here
crying. You wearing salmon.
It's a funeral, not a carnival,
bro. What you doing?
Man, the last time we saw you was, um
When I stole Dan's shoes
and threw 'em in the Hudson.
- Remember that, Dan?
- I do remember that.
Yeah. It's funny
how I didn't forget that.
My bad, man. I really tried
to get them to Jersey,
but not so much. Next time.
Next time, what?
- Yeah, I'll do it again.
- No.
We're not gonna try that again.
- So, what you been up to, man?
- Man, just, you know,
just trying to be healthy and all that.
You want a tomato?
- No.
- Yeah?
- No. Throw it to Jersey.
- Yo,
remember I used to do magic?
Yeah, I remember.
Guess what? I got better.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Y'all want to see a trick?
I mean, we're stuck,
so I guess we have to, yeah.
Think of a card, any card.
Now check your pocket.
Oh, like?
Your face was weird, man.
- Check deep.
- Yeah, it's-it's
it's just my phone.
There's nothing in here, man.
Well, Dan, check your pocket.
It's in one of your pockets.
I just think you're missing a step, man.
Shouldn't you have, like,
a deck of cards or something?
Yo, bro, y'all trying
to play me right now?
Like, I don't do this shit for real?
Come on, man. Stop playing with me.
My bad.
Still can't believe Barry's dead, man.
All the funny ones go so soon.
Remember when he pranked Mr. Phillpotts?
What'd he do?
He stole his credit cards,
and he bought porn online.
His wife was like,
"Aah! There's porn! Aah!"
And she got divorced.
[LAUGHING] Divorced, yo.
That shit was hilarious.
Fuck. Legend. Legend.
It's weird how funny pranks are
mostly just very mean things.
Anyway, I gotta get a picture
of me in this suit, man.
Nothing gets more likes
than a dead friend.
Kev, hold these veggies.
Dan, do me the honors, please.
- Oh, we're doing this now?
- Yeah, pictures, please.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
You're in the game, baby. Come on.
- Yeah?
- Yo, zoom in, zoom in. Zoom.
- Zoom in.
- [DAN] No, it's zoom
- Horizontal.
This is for Barry ♪
This is for Barry,
yeah, yeah, now, now, yeah ♪
Get the Kaepernick knee.
- You got the turtleneck?
- [DAN] Yeah, I-I got it.
Barry's not in it, but
Barry's always in it.
He's in it in spirit.
Okay, I got you.
Wow. These are good, man.
Thank you.
You're not gonna go see the body?
The body? No. He know what it is.
Next time, buy a suit
that fits you. Happy Easter.
- Great seeing you.
- Yeah.
Guy was always a dick.
I didn't know
you could take pictures here.
You-you can't. You're not
supposed to pose at a wake.
Maybe you could take a candid,
I guess, but
This might be a good spot
to do my fellowship assignment.
I got to take a picture
that shows contrast.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
I shouldn't even be thinking
about that, man.
It's disrespectful to Barry.
[DAN] Yeah.
It was kind of a dick move
of Barry, buying porn
with Mr. Phillpotts's credit card.
Yo, I know y'all were close, but, um,
this guy kind of sucked.
- We weren't close.
- Hmm?
I thought you guys were close.
You took the bus with him every day.
Yeah, 'cause he was going
in the same direction.
I never even talked to him.
Didn't you sit next to him in class?
It was assigned seating.
I barely knew shit about him.
I only came here 'cause
I thought you guys were friends.
I only came here 'cause
I thought y'all were friends.
All right, let's get
the fuck up out of here.
- Yeah.
- This is, uh
- Nice to wear a blazer, though.
- Eh
- Damn, man.
I got to turn this project in tomorrow.
- Hmm?
Thank you for coming.
Oh, yeah, we're so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. [CRYING]
Hey, how did you know my son?
Oh, he was your son. Oh, um,
we went to middle school with Barry.
Um, he sat next to me in class.
He sat next to me on the bus.
- Barry sat near
so many of us through the years.
You must've been very good friends.
You're wearing
his favorite color. [CRIES]
Oh, yeah.
I-I thought he'd appreciate it.
[DAN] Um, can we get you some water?
Or, uh, someone brought
a veggie plate, if you like?
Yes, there-there is something
I would love.
- Oh, anything within reason.
- Would
Would you two mind
sitting with me for a minute?
I would love to hear stories
about my son.
I am greatly vexed on behalf
of all women.
You men have such poor opinions of us.
Well, perhaps you all deserve it.
- Okay, uh, let's hold here.
Um, Krystal, get in there.
[AMAYA] Do you see my slow teardrop?
She didn't even let that
All right.
- Trust me, bro. Good luck.
- Mm. Mm-mm. Mm. Rude.
- "Rude." Girl.
Do you see this?
If I love you, I'm going
to lose what's left of me!
This isn't love.
- It's a disease.
- [AMAYA] It's a disease.
Shorty ain't got no range, bro.
Yeah, bro, I can act better than that.
Well, get on up there,
'cause clearly, Mx. Green's
- giving roles to anybody.
- Nah, fam.
I got way more important things to do.
Yo, you know the post office didn't have
- no tape?
- I told you.
Yo, come with me afterwards to get some?
- All right, bet. I got you.
- [OMARI] I'm going to do it
whether I have your blessing or not.
- [AMAYA] The bitch gonna
- trip on air. Like
- What are you still doing here?
I thought you were
just dropping something off.
- She's here to support a friend.
Okay. Amaya, this is a closed rehearsal.
If they're not a part
of the play, they got to go.
Sorry, honey.
Fine by me. This play
not even believable anyway.
All these dusty-ass costumes.
You got a bunch
of Black kids looking like
slaves from the future. [LAUGHS]
- Okay. What's in the box?
- Nothing.
It's not like I'm White Marcus
trying to blow up the damn school.
Give me the box.
[AMAYA] You know, Black people
don't really shoot up
- schools like that, so
- [ZAYNA] Thank you.
What is this?
It's something that I sold,
and I was on my way
to go get supplies to mail it.
You made this?
Zayna, we have no one helping
with the costume design, so
- I can tell.
- I think you would be great at it.
How do you feel about taking the job?
- [SCOFFS] Purr.
- Okay.
But wait. Does it pay?
It does not pay,
but you will have to be passing
all of your classes.
- I think I can.
Okay, have a seat.
And keep it down.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is art, theater.
[DAN] Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
He was the healthiest.
First kid I ever knew who put
tomatoes on a cheesesteak.
What else?
- One time we got lost.
- Uh-huh.
- Off the 7 train in Queens.
And Barry led us all the way home.
- When we got home,
he helped me teach my turtle to swim.
- He had so many hidden talents.
- Uh-huh.
The one that shocked me
was rock climbing. I didn't
I didn't know he could do that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Really?
I always thought
he was scared of heights.
The rocks were very small.
- Yeah. We would just do it
to build confidence and then,
you know, go in the house
and play video games.
We didn't allow video games
in the house.
Kevin's memory has been
very spotty since the accident.
What? Oh, what happened?
I don't remember, actually.
- Oh.
- You got to
We were in gym class
doing the rope climb,
and Kevin fell and hit his head.
I-I don't remember that.
- Spotty memory.
[KEVIN] I do remember
Dan missing school,
like, twice a month.
I would get sick a lot.
- Mm.
- I got sick, too, but I never
- shit on myself.
- Oh, dear. Oh.
That's Come on, man. Okay.
All right, Kevin
once gave a girl a poem,
and then she switched schools.
Dan shit on himself so many times,
they started calling him "Diaper Dan."
What does this have to do with my son?
You know what? Barry actually
gave him the nickname.
He started it.
Yeah, but-but he was nice
about all of that stuff.
The-the the rope fall, the sharing,
my shitting.
Oh. He was such a people person.
He was.
- Like, one time?
- Yeah.
We were gonna prank a teacher,
Kevin and I.
We were gonna steal his
credit card and ruin his life.
And Barry Ever the moral compass
Stood up and said,
- "Don't do that."
I'm so glad Barry has friends
like you two in his life.
You've really cheered me up
on a very difficult day.
- Oh. Our pleasure.
- Mm.
I-I would love it
if you could share a story
or two with the mourners, huh?
- Uh
- Today, or?
It-it-it It would mean so much
if you could talk to everyone.
They would love stories
about Barry's kindness.
You sure it shouldn't just be family?
You are family. You are family.
- What do we do?
Bitch crazy, bro. I'm about to get
the fuck up out of here. I'm not
related to these white people.
- We can't just leave.
- All right,
then tell 'em one of those stories.
They're all made up.
- Yeah.
- We could bullshit one person,
but a whole group,
somebody's gonna know.
Okay, so let's leave.
Yeah. No, no, you're right.
We don't we don't know him enough.
I don't even know how he died.
- Oh, you didn't hear?
- No.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Bro, Theo was
just talking about it in there.
Fucked up, man.
He died of syphilis. Crazy, bro.
That shit is preventable, too.
Just swept him away.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.
[DAN] I am
really sad about Barry's death.
What makes me sadder is that
his death was preventable.
15% of people infected die
from syphilis.
It has many names other than syphilis
"bad blood," "pox," "zipper cut."
But if I had my druthers, we'd
just call it "Barry's Disease."
What in the hell is he talking about?
He was our Lou Gehrig.
A brave, shining Yes. Barry's mom.
Um, Barry died of benign neoplasms,
not syphilis.
I know. Um, we all know.
He died of benign neoplasms, but
but he sure lived with syphilis.
So, uh, I'll miss Barry.
Thank you. Bye. All the best.
God bless. Keep it a hundred.
Those benign neoplasms
They'll get you.
They will get you.
[THEO] Every single time.
You can have 'em
and not know you even got 'em.
[KRYSTAL] But they always need us,
but they are ungrateful.
Look at them, naively
wallowing in their own sin.
[OMARI] I'm not paying $20.
I already paid for the bottle.
[KRYSTAL] And he stole the bottle!
[AMAYA] Do what you want,
but I Lord cleet.
- I forgot my line. I'm sorry.
- [SIGHS] Oh, my God.
[MX. GREEN] Amaya. Amaya,
it's okay. Um, on the
"We can't abandon them" line,
sound more urgent.
W-What that mean? Like, say it faster?
- You could've just
- Well, you know, like,
- just really get
- [ZAYNA] I'm sorry, Mx. Green,
- but this ain't it.
- What?
- You don't like the line?
- No.
The whole play.
I'm sorry, but you got a bunch
of Black kids doing Greek mythology.
None of us have even been to Greece.
- I've been to Greece.
- Well, we got one here.
But like I was saying,
we're doing something
that none of us can even relate to.
Zayna, Lysistrata is
a very popular play.
It's less about the content,
more about the context.
But can't it be about both?
We should do something
about the African gods
Like Oshun and Yemaya.
- [AMAYA] O-shoon.
- [KRYSTAL] Yeah, yeah, Oshun.
- Hmm.
- Actually
yo, that's a bomb-ass idea.
Right, y'all?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
And it wouldn't even be
that hard to change.
All we got to do is get rid
of Lysistra-da-da-da
and replace her
with Yemaya.
Okay. And so what?
You think you're gonna get paid
now for doing all this?
- Well, am I?
- Absolutely not.
But I will let you
take the lead. Come on.
For real? A'ight. Bet. Omari boy, come.
You should enter from stage left.
What's stage left?
It's the opposite of the regular left.
- Got you.
- Pass me them crowns.
- Amaya.
- Hey, boss friend.
You gonna be Oshun,
'cause you look bomb in yellow.
[LAUGHS] And, Krystal,
you are gonna play Yemaya.
Nice. Any questions?
Are we African gods
or African-American gods?
- You both.
- Got you.
Tap into your ancestors.
Make it your own.
let me get this.
But where you going with my crown?
Chill, bro.
- Oh. You got a bigger one.
- Yeah, I like that.
- Goddess.
The way that they was looking at you
during that speech was crazy,
man. Like
Honestly, they were looking
at me the same way the kids do.
So, what, you're not trippin'
over what I did?
No, no, no. Barry's cousin told me
they learned something,
even if it didn't apply.
Mm, mm. She didn't learn shit.
She was just trying to be nice.
Still, I appreciate that.
Yo, what you think of these photos, man?
[KEVIN] This shit my favorite.
[DAN] Yeah, that's contrast.
[KEVIN] She ready to kill you.
They didn't deserve my syphilis lecture.
You straight?
Um, yeah.
There's something I should
probably tell you. Um
There was Drew
When Drew came back
a little while ago
Um, no, no. No, I'm sorry.
I'm not starting It's not about you.
I'm not starting a thing.
Um, but you know,
there's that whole mess
with Drew and Zayna,
and I did something I regret. Uh
This coming from that 12-step thing?
No, I mean, like, I did it
while I was on withdrawal,
and I talked about it in N.A., but,
like, I definitely feel guilty about it.
Bro, just focus on your sobriety.
You know what I mean? Like,
you can't change the past.
The future doesn't exist.
All we got is now.
You know, you're good.
- That's deep.
- Well, thanks.
I heard it on this podcast.
I've been dying to use it.
- Wait.
- Hmm.
What the fuck?
[DAN] Ah. Look at that.
Is that your card?
- No.
- Huh. Well, it's a card.
I don't know how he did that shit.
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