Florida Girls (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

Dirty Ass River

1 I'm a pretty thing I got plenty bling Diamonds in my ear Call it Tiffany And my money long Like infinity I'm a rude bitch Maxcool, my ass.
It's so hot! ERICA: Dude, we got to get out of here or we're gonna die in these chairs.
Let's go to the beach.
Oh, yeah, let's go somewhere that's more hot.
We could sneak into a movie.
- Movies suck.
- All movies suck? All movies that aren't John Wick or John Wick 2.
Well, I'll tell you where we're not going Applebee's.
'Cause screw Harold and his stupid-ass chain restaurant with its stupid-ass Quesadilla Burger.
That thing sucks, and so does he, thinking he can break up with me.
I'll break up with his ass.
Yeah, we're obviously not going to your 80-year-old ex-boyfriend's restaurant.
No one was thinking that.
Yo, let's sneak into Surf Lagoon.
We haven't been there in a minute.
Ew! Water parks are white trash toilets.
If I want to drink piss, I'll do it in my own home.
Last time we went, I found a scab in my hair.
Well, last time we went, we were sober.
What if I told you guys - I could get us some acid? - I'd ask why you were just bringing that to our attention now.
- Acid? What are we, 13? - Josh Travis told me that he'd hook me up with free acid 'cause he stole a bunch from Lonnie and them.
Jay, you can't tell me trippin' balls while floating down a lazy river doesn't sound tight.
- [CHUCKLES] - Besides, it'll help you keep your mind off Harold.
I am not thinking about that conceited-ass chump.
Do you know he was always acting like I was so lucky to be with him 'cause I'm so trashy? If he knew we was going to that water park, he'd be all, "Told you.
You're trash.
" But, guess what, we not together no more, so you best believe I'm getting high and floating down - that dirty-ass river.
- Yeah! [LAUGHS] Shelby, trim your bush! We're going to the water park! When you blow up, do a skirt In-in-in the roar, make them ponder all your worth Uh-uh-uh, look-look-look at you, shawty Look-look-look at you, shawty, what it do, shawty How-how-how you move, shawty, shoot for the moon - For the moon - Shoot for the moon - For the moon - Look-look at you Shawty, l-look at you, shawty - Look at you - Look at you - Look-look at you - Look at you - How you move - How you move - What you pursue - What you pursue Sh-Shoot for the moon, shawty Look-look at you, shawty Now everybody wants to be - At the top - Why, honey Win or lose, choose to win and don't you stop And-and-and I'm doin' it [LAUGHING, SQUEALING] KAITLIN: Wait.
Where's the car? Where's Shelby? Was she not with us the whole time? So, we're stuck in this heat? With no car? On acid? ALL: Shelby! Wow.
Looks like a great crew.
Excited to get to know everyone.
There's Mountain Dew, Red Bull, Monster Energy, 5-hour Energy.
That's all free? No.
Oh.
Um, Ken, I just wanted to thank you so much for this opportunity.
- I read the entire CSS manual, - [SIGHS] uh, front and back, and I am ready to sell deregulated gas.
Oh, you're not doing sales.
Everybody starts out in verification.
Verification.
That sounds interesting.
It's not.
Hi.
I'm Natalie with the Verifications Department.
Just so you know, this call is being recorded.
Wear that headset, listen for the beep, click that button, read that script, hang up, listen for the next beep, and then do it all again for the next eight hours.
Okay.
Um, great.
That's even better than sales, 'cause there's no guesswork.
[BEEP] - No chair.
Hmm.
- And the last four digits of your credit card are 3411? Is that correct? [TYPING] [EXHALES] Hi.
I'm Shelby.
[BEEP] - [SIGHS] - Hi.
I'm Natalie with the Verifications Department.
Hi.
I'm Shelby from the Verifications Department.
Just so you know, this call is being recorded.
Headed to the after-party Faded, so she got the keys Pedal to the metal, top down [SIGHS] KAITLIN: Who is it? Uh, Shelby.
Open the door.
[KAITLIN GRUNTING] What are you doing? That trumpet sound Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.
I can't wait to hear where you've been all day.
Help, Shelby.
I'm trapped.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Girl, never mind.
I'm good.
So, what happened here? Uh, what happened here is that we took acid because we wanted to have a fun day at the water park.
But then we didn't have a car.
So we've been trapped in this sweatbox and scared out of our minds because there's bees everywhere.
[ERICA HUMMING] [SCOFFS] Meanwhile, you've been out having the time of your life without any bees, doing God knows what.
I was at my new job.
Remember I told you I was getting a telemarketing job? To save money for my GED? No one fucking listens to me.
Well, that definitely explains why you're dressed like a child molester.
No offense to your cousin.
Okay.
- Mmm - Hi, buddy.
Okay.
Am I the only one that had a positive acid experience today? You? No? All right.
At one point, the earthly boundaries of my body dissolved and I realized that we are all one.
Like, for example, Kaitlin, I am you and you are me.
[CHUCKLES] You wish you were me.
Oh Okay, you guys need to sober up.
Erica, get dressed.
Kaitlin, please put some pants on.
We got to be at work in ten minutes.
I'll put some pants on, but I'm not sobering up.
All right, dude, get out of the fridge.
I'm sorry! Girl, you think I don't want to? This fucking smudge won't let me leave.
You're talking to a smudge? She my friend.
I've known her for Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, thank you.
Oh.
Okay.
We gonna rock this joint, gonna rock this house Set the roof on fire, if you like it or not We gonna rock you, we gonna rock you - We gonna rock you - You are so selfish.
In what way is me having a second job selfish? Because, to get to your job, you have to take our car.
- "Our" car? - Yes, our car.
Your name might be on the title, but I've given you so much gas money.
And Jayla's ex bought our new transmission.
Oh, and I sold all our hubcaps.
- What'd you do? - Uh, the point is, it's everybody's car.
And we shouldn't have to suffer just because you got some crappy job.
Hey, excuse me, my job happens to be super fulfilling, okay? I-I have this amazing chair That's not a bucket And no one scares me.
Wow, that sounds like a great job.
Most importantly, I am $48 closer to having my GED, minus $40 for the uniform and $3.
50 for a Red Bull I drank.
Okay, Smudge.
Damn.
- Is she okay? - She's fine.
All right, look, I'm not trying to, like, take the car away from you guys, okay? Let's just, like, wake up early tomorrow, and I'll drop you off at the water park before work.
Oh, yeah, that sounds that sounds that sounds really great, Shelby.
[NERD VOICE]: Let me just, uh, set my alarm so I can be on time for my water park appointment.
That actually sounds pretty sweet.
I bet Josh would give me some more acid.
Yeah, whatever, I'll do it.
Ooh, I would take acid again.
I don't think mine ever kicked in.
Okay, um good.
Then, great, all we have to do is wake up at 6:30 so I can be at work at 7:00.
Oh, my God, you took a job that starts at 7:00? Oh, my God, you suck.
God, you suck so mu You suck so much.
I [SIGHS] But I'll do that.
I will do that.
I'll be ready at 6:30.
[SIGHS] Come on, ladies.
Let's go.
Please.
Has anybody seen my brass bangle? - The one with the fake ruby on it? - SHELBY: No.
No.
- Get in the car.
Come on.
- ERICA: Hold up.
I haven't heard back from Josh Travis about the acid yet.
No way I'm going to that redneck bathtub sober.
- Oh, my God.
Is that Josh? - [PHONE RINGS, ERICA LAUGHING] No.
My cousin sent me a thing of this dog eating a bunch of cigarettes.
- JAYLA: Ooh.
- [ERICA LAUGHING] [ERICA, JAYLA, KAITLIN LAUGHING] Oh, man.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES] It's funnier the more you watch it.
Okay, okay.
There's a blunt in the car.
If you guys leave right now, you can have it.
- Come on, come on, come on, come on.
- Shotgun.
Oh, I gotta find my phone in case Harold calls, so I can ignore his dumb ass.
ERICA: You know, for someone who claims to be over their ex, you sure talk about him a lot.
What? I am sure you not implying that I miss that crusty old fool.
Look, I never told y'all this, but he wasn't just calling me trash.
He was calling y'all trash.
He said he could never take me seriously as long as I was hanging out with y'all.
Girl, I was shook.
Like I would ever choose him over y'all.
What? You did that all the time.
Yeah, you didn't even try to hide it.
You'd be all [MIMICS JAYLA]: "Enjoy your birthday party, Kaitlin.
Harold is taking me to Ruth's Chris steak restaurant.
" I'm-a stop you right there.
- That's offensive as hell, Kaitlin.
- [NORMAL VOICE]: Why? - I told you, you can't do me! - That's how you sound, Jayla.
- That's exactly how you sound.
- You can do her, - but you can't do me.
- You're just mad 'cause it's accurate.
- It's not good.
- My impression is I got it! Got it.
Let's go.
- Oh.
- Shotgun.
[GRUNTS] I got money, everybody listens - Go.
[SIGHS] - When I come around Go, go, go.
- Shawty, we gon' bust it down - [PHONE RINGING] - KAITLIN: Wait, I forgot my bronzer.
- SHELBY: No! ERICA: Yo, I'm getting hungry.
- Can you stop at the ghetto store? - Good call.
No, not "good call.
" We're already running late.
Look, just 'cause you took some crappy job that makes you dress like a female Jared from Subway doesn't mean we have to pay water park prices for snacks.
Hey, my job is not crappy.
Okay? I get to do meaningful work with very friendly people.
And did I mention my chair? It's just a regular office chair.
It's not a bucket.
So, no, we're not stopping.
- KAITLIN: Stop sign.
- [TIRES SQUEALING] SHELBY: No.
No.
[SHELBY GROANING] I be playing with the money like whoa Still got a lot more to go Made it back before I walk through the door Oh, nah.
I'm trying to keep it tight so when Harold sees me, he'll be like, "Oh, my God.
" "Who is that chocolate queen? Oh, snap, it's Jayla.
I now realize it was an error to break up with you.
" Not that I'd take him back.
Not after he called y'all trash.
Mm-mm.
- So you don't want chips? - No, thank you.
Yo, yo, yo, turn up here.
Josh Travis lives down this street.
Let's see if he's home.
Are you insane? There's no way in hell we're stopping.
- Lady.
- [TIRES SQUEALING] - [GROANS] - [LAUGHS] No, no! [WHIMPERING]: No, no, no No.
Okay, so Josh Travis's mom says he's not home, but it's cool 'cause his car's in the garage.
So we just need you to go distract her so we can, uh, - go in there and get the acid.
- ERICA: We'd distract her, - but I don't think she trusts us.
- Yeah, 'cause Erica asked if we could take acid out her son's car.
- Wow.
- JAYLA: I know.
Erica screwed up.
So, you ready to hop on this? No, I'm not ready to "hop on this.
" You guys suck.
Okay? I'm leaving.
Find your own ride to the water park.
[ENGINE STARTS] - Gator.
- [TIRES SQUEALING] - Shotgun.
- [SHELBY GROANS] Ooh, live blunt.
Don't worry, our upholstery's fine.
What? [EXHALES] Why don't we just drop you off at your embarrassing job and we can drive ourselves to the water park? Because I'm driving to my great job, and you can find your own ride.
I am done putting everyone else first.
Shelby, ain't that your stepdad? SHELBY: What? No.
- Ugh.
- ERICA: He looks super hammered.
- [GROANS] - [ERICA CHUCKLES] Get in the car, Chuck.
JAYLA: Hey, Chuck.
You serious right now? What are you doing? Thank you for bringing him back.
I was trying to sober him up for a job interview.
I took his keys, I hid all his shoes so he wouldn't walk to the liquor store, but the selfish piece of crap stole my kitten heels.
Okay, well, good luck with that, Mom.
I gotta go to my new job.
Baby, I didn't know you had a new job.
Oh.
[GROANS] My back, it just won't quit today.
[GROANS] You know, I would refill my morphine patch, but my worthless husband drank all my money.
Oh, and you know what? Here's an idea.
How about you loan me some money from your new job, and I could refill my patch, and then your mama can get some sleep tonight.
Oh.
Thanks, baby.
I appreciate that.
Okay, well, I just started, so I haven't been paid yet.
- Sorry about your back.
- ERICA: W-W-Wait.
Wait.
What if we stole a whole sheet of acid from Josh Travis? - Then we could sell it and make money.
- Yes.
Yes.
And then-then-then Shelby could quit her lame job, Randi could get her morphine patch, but most importantly, we could all go get high - at the water park.
- Yes.
Uh I'm really not into that kind of life anymore.
What if I told you that Josh Travis stole the acid from Lonnie and them, so it's not even his acid? Plus, we're only talking about one sheet, - so he won't even notice.
- One sheet.
That's barely a felony.
[LAUGHS] I'm in.
Yes! Let's do this.
No, no! No! We're not doing this, okay? I have to go to work.
I have to.
Oh, work? [CHUCKLES] I wish I could work.
But after being pregnant with you, my back ain't been the same.
Mom, I have apologized so many times for hurting your back.
Also, you're clearly dressed for work right now.
[STAMMERING] Oh, this? This? No, this is, uh, uh, the new summer line from Fashion Nova.
Come on, Shelby.
I know you hate that job.
Just admit it, and if we steal this acid, you never have to go back there again.
[SIGHS] Okay.
I mean, yes, it's not, like, as awesome as I said it was.
My chair was a bucket.
- [ALL GROANING] - [PHONE RINGING] [SIGHS] Screw it.
Let's steal some acid.
[CHEERS AND LAUGHTER] Wait, what are we doing? Hey, actually, I do have to go to work.
So, uh, just leave my cut of the money under the door.
Hi, there.
Can I please have a moment of your time? Yeah, I know how this works.
You touched some kids, and now you gotta go door-to-door introducing yourself to the neighborhood.
We already got one just like you next door.
Oh.
No, I'm not a ch I'm not a child molester.
No, I work for Clearwater Sales Solutions.
Ma'am, ma'am.
Please, ma'am.
I-I can save you over $100 per year if you'll just take me around back to your gas meter right now.
All right.
You, stay.
Oh, we got to cut through these bushes here.
- I'll take the back way.
- Okay, great.
Ooh, this is kind of exciting.
We burglars.
Yeah.
Oh, no, not doing that.
That bitch got a Confederate flag.
I ain't breaking into no racist white lady garage so I can die.
Uh-uh.
I got an idea.
Y'all go in.
I'm-a keep watch.
Okay.
Ugh.
It's locked.
Dude, there's a baby here.
Interesting.
Interesting.
I hope you don't have a heart condition, 'cause I'm about to tell you some shockingly good news.
I do have a heart condition.
Yeah, it's not that good.
It's just that your house has high gas usage, which means you qualify for more savings.
- All right, sign me up.
- Oh, no.
Ma'am? Um ma'am, you can't go back inside.
In order to get the savings, you have to take a survey.
And question one of that survey What does gas mean to you? [SPUTTERING] [PHONE VIBRATING] Yes? Mm-hmm.
[LAUGHS] Oh! I miss you, too, boo.
Yeah, actually, I was spending all day talking about you.
Oh, them girls? I don't hang out with them no more.
Yeah, you was right.
They trash.
And then they killed his puppy right in front of him.
Bang! Bang! So you know what he did? He killed 77 people.
It was a goddamn bloodbath.
And that man's name was John Wick.
Got it.
All right.
See you later, buddy.
No, no, no, no, no, bud.
You can't come with us.
Jayla, is it safe to come out? Jayla?! She's gone? Are you freaking kidding me? Move.
You see anything out there, buddy? [SIGHS] This baby sucks.
Let's just go.
What the heck? KAITLIN: Erica, are you kidding me?! You suck! [ERICA GRUNTS] Gotta move, you gotta move, you gotta move You gotta move, you gotta move, you gotta move - You gotta move, you gotta move! - Okay, uh, question 22.
What do you like most about gas? [YAWNING]: I don't know.
How many more questions are there? That's actually it.
Y-You're all done, so congratulations! Wait a minute.
What about my savings?! - Gang Gang - Everybody know - Gang Gang - [LAUGHS] That's my ride, jackass! - [GRUNTS] - [TIRES SQUEALING] [GRUNTING] Bad ass! [LAUGHS] Should we call the hospital to come get him or something? Man, you really know how to ruin a super cool moment, don't you? Eh, he was a child molester anyway.
Oh, hey, Jayla.
Thanks for keeping watch! - I got the drugs, y'all! - KAITLIN: Hell yeah! We freaking rule! JAYLA: Good news! Me and Harold are getting back together.
You mean Harold, the guy that thinks we're all trash? He never said that.
Did I say that? I would never say that.
What are we waiting for? We got the acid.
- Let's hit up that lazy river! - Yeah! All right, all right, all right.
Hold on, hold on.
There's something I got to do first.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, yeah, right.
I got to take off this dumbass uniform! Yeah! - [CHEERING, WHOOPING] - Sucker! I'm finna turn it up till the head hurt Tip a stack, watch me double up my net worth I'm finna turn it up till the head hurt Tip a stack, watch me double up my net worth I'm finna drip, drip Drip, drip on 'em, drip I'm finna drip, drip Drip, drip on 'em, drip I'm finna drip, drip - Drip, drip - Wait, wait, wait.
Why are we still sober? Erica, hand over that acid before I blow my brains out.
- [WHOOPS] - All right, y'all, but remember, please, one hit a piece.
We got to sell the rest.
- Thanks for the reminder, Mom.
- Oh.
What the hell? It's gone.
KAITLIN, SHELBY, JAYLA: What?! - Oh.
- Did you just absorb the whole sheet of acid?! - God! - Whoa.
That's why I'm feeling Lil Pump so hard right now.
I-I can hear every lyric so clearly.
There ain't no music playing.
Girl, we in a parking lot.
Whoa.
I'm trippin' hard, y'all.
Unreal.
I just ditched my job for no reason.
I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this dumbass plan.
Wait.
"You guys"? We did this for you.
That money was supposed to go to your stupid GED and your mom's back meds.
Oh, right, and it had nothing to do with you getting my car back? You guys always need something from me.
Everybody does.
My mom never has money 'cause of her drunk husband.
I am so sick of everyone taking advantage of me.
You know, it's not just the music that I'm hearing clearly.
Shelby, you're sounding a hell of lot - like your mom right now.
- [KAITLIN SCOFFS] What? Shut up.
You're high.
I mean, listen to you.
Blaming everybody else for your problems? You had a choice today.
You could have gone to work and told everybody to screw off, but you didn't.
And you're the victim? And, Kaitlin, you're so worried about losing Shelby's car, but what I'm realizing is you are actually worried about losing Shelby.
And, Jay, you look soft.
Really so soft.
That's true.
Wow, you are really high right now, 'cause nothing you're saying is making any sense.
I mean, maybe that part about Shelby being exactly like her mom, but definitely nothing else.
What? No.
I'm I'm nothing like my mom.
You're probably right.
I-I'm I'm really messed up.
Whoa.
- Whoa.
Hold on.
- Girl.
ERICA: That was a really good fall.
Hey, dude, listen, um, just 'cause I'm trying to get my life together does not mean you're ever gonna lose me.
What? [SCOFFS] I don't give a shit about that.
It's okay.
You don't have to be so cool all the time.
God, shut up! Hey! Got the cash, throw it up - Throw it up - Put that thing - In reverse, back it up - Back it up Hey! What are y'all doing?! - Oh, crap.
Run! - Go, run! - Run! - Go, go, go, go, go! Come on!