Fosse/Verdon (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

All I Care About Is Love

1 [PROJECTOR WHIRRING] You see, the trouble is is that we all live in a happy ending culture.
A "what should be" culture instead of - a "what is" culture.
- [HEARTBEAT PERCUSSION] We're all taught that fantasy.
But if we were taught "this is what is," I think we'd be less screwed up.
No, no, get me out of the close-up.
Why are we in the close-up here? You said the medium made you want to puke.
Well, I must say, now I'm actually puking, Alan, so clearly it's gone from bad to worse and I'm still in the close-up.
- We'll fix it.
- Maybe we just cut it.
But it's one of his best speeches.
[INDISTINCT] Because she didn't stay! Should have just played the part myself.
Fuck it, man! She didn't stay! People don't stay.
No, people don't stay.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR] - [DOOR OPENS] Uh, your phone's off the hook.
That's on purpose.
Oh, yes, just come in.
Turn him off, please.
[TALKING STOPS MID-SENTENCE] - I scheduled a quick meeting.
- All right.
- I'll get some fresh air.
- No, no, no, get me the wide.
What's the next thing on the list? Uh, looking for it.
We've been calling and calling and nobody knew which floor you were on, so we've been knocking on every door like a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses.
- Put the phone back, please! - No, leave the phone.
Leave the phone off.
Those schmucks from the studio are gonna call.
Okay, so let's talk artwork.
Everything they brought us was magnificent.
You know the team over there.
We've narrowed it down - [PHONE RINGS] - to these three, four, five.
Uh, the credits are all comped in for now, - so ignore those.
- Hello? I know which one I like, and it's the same as John and Freddy.
All right, I think this will work.
- Bob, it's David Picker.
- What'd I tell you? This this fucking studio.
This is why the phone has to stay off the hook.
What do you think about the fans? - I've almost got this up, Bob.
- He says it's urgent.
Want me to play it once it's up? We have to get a final design to the printer - a week from yesterday.
- What do you want me to say, Bob? [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] - Bob.
- [CHATTER CONTINUES] [RISING TENSE MUSIC] [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] Guy walks into a doctor's office.
Have you heard this one? Guy walks in and says, "Doc, I think I'm under too much pressure.
"The wife, the kids, work.
It's too much.
" Doctor says, "What makes you think that?" Guy says, "Well, I sat on the toilet the other day and a 10-karat diamond shot out of my ass.
" [SCATTERED LAUGHTER] I've been under some pressure myself, recently.
Truth be told, in fact, I'm under so much pressure I'm worried I might start losing my hair.
[RIM SHOT] I just finished directing a picture called "Lenny.
" The film's the story of Lenny Bruce, comedian.
Never got the recognition he deserved drug addict, adulterer.
Shit father, shit husband.
Boy, oh, boy.
If I could only relate to this guy.
Here's one for you: what do you call an eight-week movie shoot turns into a six-month movie shoot? A Bob Fosse picture.
[RIM SHOT] [LAUGHS] See, there's that pressure.
My girlfriend complains, "You don't spend time with me anymore.
" I say, "We spend all sorts of time together.
" "It's not the same as it used to be," she says.
"You're always distracted.
" What does everyone expect? I got a lot on my plate.
Brand-new musical to make out of thin air.
[SIGHS] You think producers are a pain in the ass, try composers.
You criticize one note, they act like you're the asshole who poisoned Mozart.
Try writers.
You don't say everything they do is fabulous they melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.
Criticize one word, they look at you the way Ethel Rosenberg looked at her executioner.
Hurt.
But if you want to make a show, the actors need words to say.
The singers need notes to sing.
And you're stuck needing writers.
It's a racket.
Oh, and have I mentioned who the star of said musical happens to be? A star whose contract gives her approval over every aspect of the production from the lyrics to the set to the casting to the [COUGHING] You guessed it, the God damn poster design.
And it builds.
The pressure, it builds and it builds this pressure, builds and builds.
You see, the trouble is is that we all live in a "happy ending" culture.
Where does it all go? - [MOANING] - A "what should be" culture instead of a "what is" culture.
- [COUGHS] - [INTENSE MUSIC] But if we were taught "this is what is" - [COUGHING] - This is what is.
[OVERLAPPING VOICES] [MOANS] Oh! - [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] - [MUSIC INTENSIFIES] [HEARTBEAT THUMPING] Oh! [NOISE INCREASES] Stop! I'll call him back in 20.
Start me in the scene before.
I wanna see the whole sequence.
- That one's not bad.
- Bob, he says that he's - I don't care what he says.
- We all love this one.
We think it's fun.
We think it's sexy.
Good, it's your show.
All right, you heard the man.
Wrap it up.
Last section.
- Stop.
- That one? Head trim right there.
[DOOR OPENS] - [DOOR CLOSES] - He said he'd be done editing in August.
This movie's been a nightmare from the word go.
Rehearsal starts in three days.
Has he had time to even think about the show? Well, he's been working on it all summer.
What, once a week? Listen, once he gets into that rehearsal room, "Chicago" is all that he's going to be thinking about.
Speaking of rehearsal rooms now, here's an idea: wouldn't it be clever if we had some press in for the first week? "Bob Fosse and Gwen Verdon Reunited.
" [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] Now that's a story.
You see, the trouble is is that we all live in a "happy ending" culture.
A "what should be" culture instead of a "what is" culture.
We're all taught that fantasy.
But if we were taught "this is what is" [PROJECTOR KLUNKS, SQUEAKS] "This is what is.
" "This is what is" I think we'd be less screwed up.
[PROJECTOR SQUEALS] [SIGHS] ALL: That jazz This is what is.
[LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] [SAUCE BUBBLING] Oh, Nicole, that smell.
[GASPS] Oh, it's just like I've walked into a bistro in Florence.
I think it needs more salt.
Okay, well, let me try.
Let me try.
Mm.
Uh, just the teensy, eensiest little bit.
Uh, when did you put in the pasta? I don't remember.
Oh, well, that's not good.
[LAUGHS] - Figured white for fish, huh? - Darling, be careful! - We're going to test the pasta.
- Ooh! You could just taste it, you know.
That's what most people do.
And what would be the fun in that? - It's ready.
- It's ready! Okay, so, uh, why don't you go set the table? We're going to eat in the dining room tonight.
China's laid out, silverware's laid out.
It's a special occasion.
First rehearsal tomorrow.
Yeah.
You nervous? No, why would I be nervous? I'm in the best shape of my life.
I know you are.
I I mean, I'm not 22 years old anymore, but as long as Bob understands that - I'm sure he will.
- [LAUGHING] Yes, Bob's famous for his empathy.
Yeah.
Well, if he doesn't, screw him.
You know, don't, uh, screw him, actually.
I think he'd like that too much.
[LAUGHING] Stop.
It doesn't matter what he thinks.
He gives you any trouble you just pull out your contract.
You just hang it up on the wall.
You say, "Anybody's got any questions "about who's in charge of this rehearsal room, - it's all right there" - Stop.
- "In black and white.
" - Stop.
You are gonna be so fantastic in this show.
People are gonna line up for miles just to buy tickets to see you back on Broadway, singing and dancing.
Yeah.
You're gonna be amazing.
- [CARS HONKING] - [SIRENS WAILING] I beat you.
You win.
[OBJECTS CLATTERING] [GRUNTS] I got stuck in the editing room.
Poor thing.
Tell me you weren't there all night.
Don't worry, I napped in the cab over.
Oh, Bob.
[SIGHS] What "oh, Bob"? Movie's not finished.
It comes out in the theaters in two weeks.
What do you want me to do? Well, I'm sure that you're the only one who isn't happy with it.
I'm the only one who cares whether or not it's a piece of shit.
Oh, stop.
That is not true.
[SIGHS] [HACKING, COUGHING] I have no idea why that keeps happening.
You know, I think some time away from it might be the best thing for you.
You can clear your head and just think about something.
Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.
Let's do a musical.
I knew this wasn't gonna work.
It's just the first day.
[SNIFFS] We've got plenty of time.
[RUBBING BACK] I'll be, uh [PILLS RATTLING] Good as new in in a minute.
[PILLS RATTLING] ["ALL THAT JAZZ" PLAYING ON PIANO] A-five, six, seven, eight.
Start the car I know a whoopee spot Where the gin is cold but the piano's hot Just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl And all That Jazz That's when everyone comes in.
Two, two, three four Bob and I have been thinking about this day no, dreaming about this day for the last ten years.
Bet some of you were still in grade school then.
- [LAUGHTER] - Some of these kids, I think their parents were in grade school.
[LAUGHTER] One, two, three.
Box arms And all that jazz Seven, eight, and walk, two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six.
ALL: Ha! - [COUGHING] ALL: Ha! - And five, six, seven, eight.
Swipe, two, a-three, a-four, a-five.
[COUGHING] Circle, two, three, four.
- Resistance on this hips, and - [COUGHING] So for those of you who haven't worked with Bob before, I recommend stocking up on heating pads and aspirin.
What she means is, you're about to get your ass kicked.
[LAUGHTER] But trust me, you will never be better.
Hold on, hun, we're gonna bunny hug I bought some aspirin down at United Drug In case we shake apart Uh, right there.
Would you would you two join in here? - [COUGHING] - That Jazz - [COUGHING] [WHEEZING, HACKING] And all that jazz One, two, three, four.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
- Keep going.
A-one, two, three, four, - a-five, six, seven, eight.
- All that jazz - And one, two, three, four - Come on, baby, gonna [HACKING, COUGHING] [CONTINUES COUGHING] You should see the other guy.
[COUGHS] Now [COUGHING] Is everything okay? This fucking cough.
[COUGHS] Need you to make an appointment with Dr.
Leder.
[COUGHS] During the lunch break.
You want me to call rehearsal? [COUGHS] No, of course not.
I'm okay.
[DISTANT CHATTER] All right, I'll set it up right away.
[MATCH STRIKES] [MUFFLED PIANO MUSIC] You know who pressure's good for? Kids.
Teach it early.
Beat it into 'em.
Pressure to succeed, make money, be the best.
They gotta learn they don't get that shit easy.
Lenny and I were lucky.
It's one thing to have talent.
Plenty of people have talent.
But you need the pressure.
Beautiful pressure.
I'm afraid Mr.
Fosse has fallen behind on Bobby's dance tuition.
There was a mix-up last week.
Several months behind, Mrs.
Fosse.
I would hate to lose Bobby as a student.
He could be dancing professionally right now.
Really? I could book him all over the city theaters, clubs.
I'd pair him with Charlie Grass.
Double acts are all the rage now.
He could be making enough money dancing - to pay his own tuition.
- [SHOES RAPIDLY TAPPING] And then some.
I would just take a 15% commission.
What? What'd they say? I'm gonna be a professional dancer.
[GASPS] I always thought I'd be dead by 25.
Instead I just lost my hair.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER] One of the best things you can do for your career dying young.
All that potential.
Even if everything you would have done after that is shit, they'll never know because you're too dead to show 'em.
20-year-old kid offs himself, girls cry at his gravestone.
47-year-old guy kills himself, even the crows don't show up.
Although, if I died before "Lenny" came out, you know, that think of the box office.
Shit, I'd probably win another Oscar.
[LAUGHS] - [COUGHS] - Do we have blood work? - It's in the lab now.
- [COUGHS] I really I tell you, I really am feeling a whole lot better.
When you saw Dr.
Leder, you told him you were experiencing chest pains.
I told him I had some tightness in my chest.
I I think he overreacted.
I don't need to be here.
So you're not feeling any tightness now? Quite the opposite.
I'm ready to get back to work.
I got a rehearsal going on.
Nobody could tell me where you were.
- What happened? - I was just about to leave.
Um, Leder went nuts.
He told me to go to the emergency room.
I told him we have a rehearsal to get to.
I I'm sorry, who are you, ma'am? - I'm his wife.
- Yeah, she can tell you I get this pain sometimes.
It's never been a problem.
We're concerned that there may be a high risk of a cardiac event.
- [LAUGHING] - Oh, my God.
"Event.
" I been here for an hour.
- There's no event going on.
- Are you a smoker, Mr.
Fosse? Uh, occasionally.
How many cigarettes per day? [SIGHS] Half a pack, maybe.
Drug use? Uh, Dilantin for epilepsy.
Uh, Alka-Seltzer, Wrigley's Spearmint gum.
- Does coffee count? - [SIGHS] Bob, the man's trying to help you.
I know that.
He he's very nice.
Thank you, Doc.
He is taking, uh, Seconal - [COUGHS] - Dexedrine, cocaine - Come on.
- What else? - What are you, the FBI? - No, I - Sir? - This is about your health.
- Mr.
Fosse - This is about your heart.
- Mr.
Fosse.
- I'm trying to get outta here.
- Sir! - [HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING] - Actually - Mr.
Fosse.
I just want them to know in case something You want me to shut down your show? You're having a heart attack, Mr.
Fosse.
- He's what? - [LAUGHS] Oh, my God, help! I need Dr.
Kelly, Dr.
Peters paged immediately and I need a full emergency team right now! - Lie down, lie down.
- Don't overreact.
- I'm having rehearsal.
- Oh, God, help! Please! - Oh, this is just great.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- This is - [HEARTBEAT THUMPING] [HEARTBEAT INCREASES RAPIDLY] - [LIGHTER CLICKS SHUT] - Pressure builds.
Doesn't get better.
It gets worse.
And it can kill you.
It can kill ya.
Ba-dum-bum.
How is he? Where have you been? Well, I I couldn't find a cab, and then I waited for 20 minutes, then I got on the train and I took the wrong train Okay, well well, he's sleeping now, finally, so you can't see him.
Okay, well, what are the doctors saying? Does he need surgery? They have to run some tests and they won't know anything for a few days.
I knew he shouldn't have done this show.
His doctors said that he needed a break, and even he knew he shouldn't be doing the show.
It's just too much.
You should go home and come back tomorrow.
No, no, I I want to Annie, sweetheart, there's nothing left for you to do here tonight.
Well I wanna be here when he wakes up.
I'm going to stay.
Why don't you go by the apartment in the morning? Nicole's there with the sitter and you can walk her to school.
I want her to feel like everything's normal.
Dr.
Willis, call Administration at 338.
Dr.
Willis, call Administration at 338.
[SOFT, DARK CHORDS] Oh, Jesus! [PANTING] Jesus Christ! [GROANING] We both started young, me and Lenny.
We both came up in joints like this.
Kind of joints where you get herpes from drinking the tap water.
Shit, you'd get herpes from looking at the tap water.
[LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] Mr.
Weaver my dance teacher, my manager he told me and Charlie Grass we'd be playing the hottest spots in Chicago.
Boulevard Room, Chez Paree.
You know the sort of joint.
Sophisticated, upscale, classy.
Only the best for me and Charlie.
[CHEERING, HOOTING] Knock 'em dead, kid.
[WHISTLING, CHEERING] [MAN CONTINUES MOANING] Oh, Jesus! - Jesus Christ - [QUIETLY] Shut up.
- Oh, Christ.
- Just shut up.
- Just ignore it, Bob.
- Oh, Jesus! Been all night like this.
- It's horrible.
- Oh, Jesus I know, I know.
- This - Christ.
[WHISPERS] I know.
Just try and get some sleep.
[MAN MOANS] Can you bring me the telephone? - I need to call Alan.
- Oh, Christ! No, no, no, no.
The doctors don't want you working right now.
No, no, I have cuts for him.
I have to get in touch with him right away.
- Bob, listen to me.
- Oh, for the love of God.
Listen to me.
Not right now.
There's nothing for you to worry about.
Everything's fine.
It's all taken care of.
They're gonna finish my movie without me, Gwen.
- Shh.
- They're gonna ruin it.
[LOUDER] Why are they doing this to me? Just listen to me.
Listen to me.
- Just ignore it.
- [SIGHS] - Do they know? - [MAN MOANING] - Does who know? - Everybody at the show.
- Do they know what happened? - Ohh ohh ohh No, we haven't told anyone.
- Then I have a stomach bug.
- Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
- They're hurting me! - [QUIETLY] I'm gonna hurt you.
Annie's coming to visit you tomorrow.
[WHISPERING] No, no, no, no, no.
I don't want her here.
- [MAN MOANING] - No? Why why not? What's wrong? I don't want her to see me like this.
What are you talking about? - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - [DOOR OPENS] Excuse me.
Uh, so sorry to intrude, but I heard from the nurses that you were here.
[DOOR CLOSES] My wife and I, we're Broadway fanatics I'm with my husband right now.
Y-yes, I was hoping to get his autograph.
Only if he's well enough.
N-never mind, I'm sorry.
This was rude.
I apologize.
Not at all.
Would you step outside with me for a minute? [MAN MOANING] [MOANING, WAILING CONTINUES] I shouldn't have bothered you.
I just let my enthusiasm carry me away.
Not at all.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Doctor - Uh, n-no.
Jerome, please.
- Jerome.
Jerome.
I'm Gwen Verdon.
- Oh, my God.
- Aww.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHING] - Oh, no.
- Oh, no, of course you are! I I can't believe I didn't recognize you.
Oh, please, that's fine.
Wife is not gonna believe that I met Bob Fosse and Gwen Verdon.
Well, Bob and I would both love to sign autographs for you and your wife.
Oh, my God, she's gonna oh.
[LAUGHS] Have you seen "Pippin"? Only twice.
[LAUGHS] Well, there's a brand-new leading player who just came in last month.
Phenomenal.
You must go back.
You and your wife could use Bob's house seats.
[STAMMERS] No, no, no.
We we couldn't.
Oh, well, there's something I could use your help with too, Jerome.
You see, they have Bob sharing that very small room with a complete stranger.
Now, I've asked the nurses if there's something they could do, but they said they can't help, and I just wonder if there aren't more appropriate accommodations for someone in Bob's condition.
Bob's recovery it's important we get him better as soon as possible.
[AL JOLSON'S "I'M SITTING ON TOP OF THE WORLD"] I'm sitting on top, top of the world I'm rollin' along [SIGHS] - Rollin' along - [END CHORDS] You don't think you should at least talk to John and Freddy about it, first? [MARKER SQUEAKING] I'm not asking for their opinion.
What are you gonna tell Fryer? I have contractual approval over the director, and I won't approve anyone but Bob Fosse.
You're gonna lose your cast, Gwen.
They can't wait around for four months while he's recovering from heart surgery.
Thank you, Ron.
This isn't what I need from you right now.
[JAUNTY MUSIC IN BACKGROUND] You know, even if they get a new director they can't replace you.
I just mean I'm [SIGHS] I know [SIGHS] Roxie's a little younger on the page but I'm saying any director they bring in, they're gonna want you to do it.
Obviously.
It's your show.
It's not my show.
It's our show.
It's always been our show.
I know Bob.
He's about to have his chest opened up, and if we tell him that he's being replaced, he will die on that operating table.
I am sure of it.
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS] [SIGHS] Hi, sweetie.
Annie's coming to pick you up at 7:00 to take you to dinner, so just make sure that you have your homework done by then, okay? We'll start back up in the new year and open in New York in June.
What about all the kids? The ki Well, I am calling every casting agent in New York and telling them to keep our actors at the front of their minds for any short-term jobs that come up, any background work.
And if the company needs more money, then I'll just loan it to them myself.
They can pay me back when "Chicago" is the biggest hit on Broadway.
I don't know.
I don't know if they're gonna wait for me.
Oh, please.
Of course they will.
They're gonna think I'm finished after this.
[LAUGHING] No one is going to think that.
[SIGHS] Remember when George and Hal wanted to cut your big act one number in "Yankees"? "Musical Chairs.
" Yes.
And you were devastated.
Oh, you thought the world was ending.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] All because of one silly little number.
Well, that was a good number.
I well, Eddie couldn't he couldn't do it right.
- Eddie.
- Yeah.
He was terrible.
If that's the story you want to tell [MONITOR BEEPING SOFTLY] [LAUGHING] [COUGHING] It was a shit number, wasn't it? [BOTH LAUGHING] - It was terrible.
- Yeah.
- What a piece of shit.
- [LAUGHING] [SIGHS] [MELLOW MUSIC] Then we stayed up all night, and what did we get? We got "Who's Got the Pain?" [LAUGHS] Hey.
When I wake up after if I wake up [SHARP INHALE] Don't say that.
I want you to be there.
When I wake up.
[SIGHS] Yeah? Of of course.
You're gonna like this one.
What do you call a mother who never bothers to ask where exactly her son is performing at 1:00 in the morning on a school night? A perfect role model.
[RIM SHOT] Mom of the year.
What is he wearing? He was performing, Cy.
I told you.
I have this.
[BILLS RUSTLING] That's it? [RIM SHOT] I thought there'd be more.
[RIM SHOT] - Thank you.
- Is that makeup? [RIM SHOT] You look like a faggot.
[CYMBAL CRASHES] [JAZZ MUSIC] Well, I'm glad somebody's laughing.
[JAZZ CONTINUES] And close for me.
This is so stupid.
Oh, stop.
You know I don't like that word.
If they don't want kids visiting at the hospital, there's probably a good reason.
The reason is, they came up with that rule for children who are less mature than you are.
Open.
Daddy had a long and scary surgery, and he needs some cheering up.
And no one cheers him up like you do.
Luckily, he has a lot of young friends and colleagues who come to visit him, so you'll blend right in.
Open.
There we go.
You don't look a day under 18.
[JOHN KANDER'S "ALL I CARE ABOUT"] I don't care about expensive things Cashmere coats, diamond rings Don't mean a thing Keep your chin up.
That's what I'm here for I don't care for wearing silk cravats One of Mr.
Fosse's protégés.
Satin spats don't mean a thing All I care about - That's my girl.
- Is love [MONITOR BEEPING SOFTLY] Should I give you guys some privacy? Oh, no, no, no.
Please, you stay.
Sit.
[LAUGHS] Got the gang all here.
You look like a machine.
I don't even want to say what you look like.
[LAUGHING] Bob.
Why don't you give Daddy a hug and a kiss? It's okay.
It's all right.
- It's all right.
- [LAUGHS] Oh, here.
Show him that.
It's from everyone at "Chicago.
" They all love you, and they send their healing wishes, and they want you to get better soon.
Everyone signed the card.
[SIGHS] - [KISSES] - That a girl.
That a girl.
See you soon.
Doesn't it ever bother you? - What? - That she's always there.
Who what, Annie? No, no.
No, why would it? She's his girlfriend.
Annie and I are different.
What your father and I have he doesn't have with anybody else.
Come on, let's go.
[SIGHS] Give me that bag.
I've got it.
Okay.
[SIGHS] [MONITOR BEEPING SOFTLY] My father Sure, maybe he looked down on me.
But no way he'd let me quit dancing.
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] Somebody had to put food on the table.
[SHOES TAPPING] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Where's your pal? Charlie? Outside.
- His mother drove us here.
- He's not as good.
[LAUGHS] He knows that already.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Yeah, yeah, yeah! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE GROWING LOUDER] [OMINOUS RUMBLING] [OMINOUS BUILDUP] You're gonna be famous.
He's already a rising star.
[LAUGHS] I think I'm in love.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] What do you call a 13-year-old kid who gets screwed by a bunch of 40-year-old strippers? The luckiest boy in the world.
[RIM SHOT] Why's he so lucky, anyway? He gets to have sex before he even knows the word for it.
[RIM SHOT] You'll like this one.
I was dead for six hours.
You were breathing the whole time.
A a machine was breathing.
I wasn't breathing.
I think it did something to my I think they put it put it back in the wrong way.
My heart.
They didn't.
I can feel it.
I never felt it before.
I can feel it now.
I I feel it squeezed in there.
Bobby.
They said not to worry after the first 12 hours.
It's been four days.
You're okay.
What if I didn't come back all the way? - I'm looking at you.
- Yeah.
I'm right here with you.
I think they did something to me.
I think the screwed me up down there.
I think they fucked me up.
[LAUGHS] Mm-mm.
They didn't go anywhere they didn't go anywhere near there.
You're okay, I promise you.
[SOFTLY] I'm being serious.
You're laughing at me.
I'm being serious.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC] What's the best thing about having sex with a grown woman when you're only 13? You get to feel pleasure, confusion, humiliation, all at the same time.
I call that the triangle of shame! [RIM SHOT] You get to feel pleasure, confusion.
[ECHOING] Pleasure, confusion, and humiliation all at the same time.
I grew up in the church.
We call it the Holy Trinity.
[RIM SHOT] You know the best part of being scared, turned on, confused, guilty, self-loathing, and in lust all at the same time? It screws up your relationships for the rest of your life.
[SOMBER MUSIC] Hey.
I need to know I'm still a man.
Bobby.
Tell me I'm good enough.
That's it? I thought there'd be more.
[RIM SHOT] Where's that smile? [SHOES CLICKING] Don't think for a second I couldn't replace you a hundred times over.
Come on.
Come on.
Laugh it up, folks.
[CYMBALS CRASHING] I do it for you.
[LAUGHTER] [DRUMS PLAYING] - [LAUGHTER] - That was a good one.
[SIGHS] Is this on? Is this on? Testing, testing.
One, two.
Hey, come on, that's funny! Okay, you're gonna love this.
What's the difference between sex and applause? What's the difference between sex and applause? What's the difference between sex and applause? What's the difference between sex and applause? Sorry.
You only applaud somebody you love.
[RIM SHOT] Come on, this is my best material, here! Okay, here we go.
Come on, come on.
[DRUMS PLAYING] Little faster, little faster.
[DRUMMING CONTINUES] [PICKING UP RHYTHM] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Ta-ta-ta-ta.
Ta-ta-ta-ta.
Bah! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Thank you, thank you.
[HEAVY BREATHING] [SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES] [COUGHING] [PERCUSSIVE BEAT] [FOREBODING MUSIC] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - I'll be right back.
- Okay.
We brought an extra sandwich.
- Tuna salad.
- Aww.
I'm all right.
Thank you, though.
Well, if you don't eat it it's just gonna go in the garbage.
I'm really not hungry.
Thank you so much.
You should eat it.
You need to keep up your strength for your, uh H-husband.
Thank you.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [OMINOUS RUMBLING] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GROWING LOUDER] [RUMBLING INTENSIFIES] [HEART BEATING] - [HEART BEATING] - [RHYTHMIC MONITOR BEEPING] [HEARTBEAT AND MONITOR BEEPING FADE] [MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC] [KEYS CLICKING RAPIDLY] [TING]