Full House s04e21 Episode Script

The Hole-in-the-Wall Gang

OK, BRING IT RIGHT IN.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
BE CAREFUL OF THE SIDES.
CAREFUL.
CAREFUL NOW.
THAT'S IT.
WHERE DO YOU WANT POPEYE? PUT HIM NEXT TO OLIVE SO BLUTO CAN'T GET AT HER.
HEY, THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A HELPER, MICHELLE.
I'M FINALLY MOVED INTO UNCLE JESSE'S OLD ROOM.
HOW COME YOU PLAY WITH DOLLS? MICHELLE, I AM A GROWN MAN.
I DO NOT PLAY WITH DOLLS.
HOWEVER, I DO MAKE HIM DANCE.
[SINGING LIKE POPEYE] I MAKE HIM WALK-- * DEE DUP BA DUP BA DUP * HE TALKS TO ME.
[IMITATING POPEYE] HOW'S IT GOING, JOSKEPH? I TALK TO HIM.
NOT BAD, POPEYE.
[POPEYE'S LAUGH] ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK! [AS POPEYE] WHOA! JOEY, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH A DOLL.
OK, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I AM PLAYING WITH A DOLL, BUT IN A MANLY WAY.
LET'S SING THE POPEYE SONG.
OK.
[AS POPEYE] * I'M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN * * I'M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN * * I'M STRONGS TO THE FINICH * * 'CAUSE I EATS ME SPINACH * * I'M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN ** TOOT-TOOT! WOW! ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK! ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK! NOT BAD.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
* WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV? * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE? * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** HEY, JOE.
HEY.
I'M PUTTING SOME NEW PLUMBING IN THE ATTIC, SO I HAD TO TURN OFF THE MAIN WATER LINE.
I HOPE I'M NOT INCONVENIENCING ANYONE.
JESS, ONE QUESTION.
DID YOU ACTUALLY WAIT UNTIL THE SHAMPOO WAS BURNING MY EYES BEFORE YOU TURNED THE WATER OFF? NO, JUST DUMB LUCK.
HERE.
LET ME HELP YOU OUT THERE.
LET ME GET THIS SIDE HERE.
SO, DEEJ, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS ORANGE LIPSTICK? IT'S PERFECT IF YOU'RE DATING RONALD McDONALD.
I'M BA-ACK.
OH.
OH.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE TOO KIND.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SHARING MY ROOM WITH AN 8-YEAR-OLD AGAIN.
BELIEVE IT, BABE.
OH, NEAT.
WE'RE PLAYING MAKEUP.
WE DO NOT PLAY MAKEUP.
WE WEAR MAKEUP.
YEAH, KID.
GO WATCH SESAME STREET.
I DO NOT WATCH SESAME STREET.
AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT ON TILL 4:00.
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK, REMEMBER THE RULES.
KEEP YOUR BABY STUFF ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ROOM.
I HAVE NO BABY STUFF.
Doll: MAMA! YOU WERE SAYING? YOU COULDN'T KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT? AND NOW I'D LIKE TO PRESENT THE NEWEST ADDITION TO OUR FUTURE HOME-- THE LIGHT SWITCH.
OOH! OOH! AND IT ONLY TOOK HEY, WHAT IS 4 DAYS COMPARED TO A LIFETIME OF WORRY-FREE ON AND OFF, HUH? READY? OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I FORGOT TO TURN THE ELECTRICITY BACK ON.
BETTER GO TAKE CARE OF THAT.
I DON'T WANT TO INCONVENIENCE ANYONE.
HOW DO YOU TIME THESE THINGS? DO YOU HAVE A SURVEILLANCE CAMERA IN MY BATHROOM? LOOK, I REALIZE I'M A LITTLE BEHIND SCHEDULE, BUT THIS IS MY NEW HOME.
I WANT TO BUILD THIS PLACE WITH LOVE, CARE, AND OLD-WORLD CRAFTSMANSHIP, SAME WAY MY ANCESTORS BUILT THE PARTHENON.
THE PARTHENON IS IN RUINS.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUSH.
HONEY, I KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR TIME, BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR FIRST HOME, NOT OUR RETIREMENT HOME.
YOU KNOW, JESS, IT MIGHT SPEED THINGS UP IF I HELPED YOU.
NO, THANK YOU.
GREAT IDEA.
THANKS, JOEY.
WE ARE GONNA HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL FIND A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU TO DO.
BE HONEST--DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE IN CONSTRUCTION? ARE YOU KIDDING? I ONCE BUILT AN ENTIRE FOUR-BEDROOM RANCH HOUSE.
YOU DID? YEAH.
I WOULD'VE BUILT THE GARAGE, TOO, BUT I RAN OUT OF LEGOS.
LEGOS.
LEGOS.
I RAN OUT OF I REDECORATED MY SIDE OF THE ROOM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? EHH.
MICHELLE, YOU'RE SO YOUNG.
NOW THAT I'M ALMOST A TEENAGER, YOU CAN HAVE MY STUFFED ANIMALS, MY BARBIE, MY PUPPY POSTER, ALL MY LITTLE-KID STUFF.
WHAT ABOUT THIS LITTLE-KID TV? NICE TRY, SIS.
OH, MYLANTA.
HELLO, LADIES.
LOOK, DEEJ.
IT'S YOUR EVIL MINI-TWIN.
CHECK IT OUT, GIRLS.
I'VE GOT MY SIDE OF THE ROOM JAMMIN'.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT CAN I SAY? MATURE MINDS THINK ALIKE.
GIRLS, BECKY AND I HAVE TO GET TO THE STATION, AND-- OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THOSE MATCHING OUTFITS? ISN'T THAT ADORABLE? YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS SHOULD BE OUR NEXT CHRISTMAS CARD.
BOY, I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO DRESS UP LIKE MY OLDER SISTER.
SHE HATED IT.
HA HA.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU.
MR.
T! SORRY, GIBBLER.
I WAS JUST ON A ROLL.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
WE COULD WATCH MTV, CALL SOME BOYS, SHAVE OUR LEGS.
WHO ARE YOU? COME ON, DEEJ, LET'S GO TO THE FOOD COURT.
I HEAR THEY HAVE A NEW POTATO TOPPING AT THE HOUSE OF SPUDS.
I WANT TO WEAR SOMETHING FUN.
FOLLOW ME.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
SO AM I.
I'M COMING, TOO.
SO, THIS IS YOUR DAD'S ROOM.
I BET IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY WOULD GO SO, DEEJ, WHAT ARE WE DOING IN HERE? WELL, I'M IN HERE BECAUSE I'M GONNA BORROW ONE OF DAD'S SHIRTS AND TIES.
YOU'RE IN HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE A PAIN.
I RESENT THAT.
I RESENT THAT, TOO.
DID YOU KNOW YOUR DAD HAS A BOX OF BAKING SODA IN HIS UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
KIMMY, DON'T TOUCH THAT.
MY DAD CAN TELL IF YOU MOVE ANYTHING AN INCH.
NOW I'M JUST GONNA GET A SHIRT AND TIE, AND WE'LL BE OUT OF HERE.
HMM THIS ONE LOOKS GOOD.
AND DAD'S NOT SCHEDULED TO WEAR IT UNTIL NEXT THURSDAY.
I'M IN LUCK.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE IT.
FORGET IT.
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GOING OUT OF THIS HOUSE DRESSED LIKE ME.
DID YOU EVER THINK JUST MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE DRESSING LIKE ME? LEAVE THE SHIRT ALONE.
NO.
LEAVE IT ALONE! YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID NOW.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
I HAVE TO FIX IT.
I CAN FIX IT MYSELF.
LET GO OF IT! YOU LET GO.
I SAID LET GO! OK.
WELL, I CAN SEE BY THE OLD HOLE IN THE WALL THAT IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO.
YOU GIRLS WILL NEVER LEARN.
WE'RE DEAD! DAD IS GONNA BE HOME ANY MINUTE! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? I KNOW.
LET'S BLAME KIMMY.
THAT WON'T WORK.
WE HAVE TO FIX THE HOLE.
RIGHT.
WE GOT TO FIX THAT HOLE.
WELL, GO AHEAD.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.
BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES.
STEPHANIE, FOLLOW ME.
WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU STAY RIGHT HERE AND WATCH THAT HOLE.
YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
I'M GOOD AT THIS.
NAIL.
NAIL.
HAMMER.
HAMMER.
TUNA.
TUNA.
YOU KNOW, JESS, I CAN HANDLE A LOT MORE RESPONSIBILITY.
EVEN PAT LETS VANNA SPIN THE WHEEL ONCE IN A WHILE.
HEY, THE ATTIC'S LOOKING REALLY GOOD.
HOW ABOUT THIS SANDWICH I MADE, HUH? VERY NICE.
HEY, UNCLE JESSE, AREN'T YOU WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT MISS AND PUT A HOLE IN THE WALL? I DON'T MISS.
WELL, WHAT IF JOEY MISSED? WHY WOULD I GIVE JOEY A HAMMER? WELL, WHAT IF JOEY TOOK YOUR HAMMER WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION? THEN THERE'D BE A HOLE.
HOW WOULD YOU FIX IT? WELL, GIRLS, BASICALLY, WHAT I WOULD DO-- EXCUSE ME.
LET THE MAN WITH THE TOOL BELT EXPLAIN.
NOW, TO FIX A HOLE IN THE WALL IS QUITE SIMPLE.
YOU TAKE A PIECE OF DRYWALL YOU TAKE SPACKLE, PUT THAT ON, SMOOTH IT, SAND IT, PAINT IT, AND KISS THE HOLE GOODBYE.
UNCLE JESSE, HOW COME THAT WINDOW FRAME IS CROOKED? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
JOSEPH, LEVEL.
YES, SIR! GETTING THE LEVEL, SIR! HANDING THE LEVEL, SIR! SUCK IN THAT GUT.
SUCKING IN, SIR! THAT'S LEVEL THAT'S LEV-- GIRLS, YOU'RE CRAZY.
THIS IS PERFECTLY LEV-- WHERE DID THEY GO? YOU KNOW THESE KIDS TODAY.
THEY JUST DON'T APPRECIATE LEVELING LIKE WE USED TO.
YEAH.
SAD BUT TRUE.
OK.
I'M GONNA FIX MY WALL BED OVER THERE.
JOSEPH, ELECTRICAL TAPE.
[AS "IGOR"] YES, MASTER.
YES, I'LL DO YOUR BIDDING, MASTER, GET YOU THE ELECTRICAL TAPE, MASTER, BUT PLEASE, DON'T LEVEL MY HUMP.
YOU SEE? THIS IS THE EXACT IMMATURE ATTITUDE THAT MAKES ME THE KING OF HOME IMPROVEMENT AND YOU BUT THE COURT JESTER.
OK, FINE.
DO IT ALL YOURSELF.
WELL, AT LEAST IT'LL BE DONE RIGHT.
WHOA.
WHOA! WHOA! JOEY! JOEY! HELP ME! HARK.
IS THAT THE KING ASKING THE COURT JESTER FOR HELP? SOUND THE TRUMPETS.
[IMITATES TRUMPET] JOSEPH, JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE! IS THERE A SWITCH? IT'S IN MY TOOL BELT.
I HAVEN'T PUT IT IN YET.
GOOD PLANNING, YOUR MAJESTY.
I'M IN HERE! IF I SEE YOU LAUGH ONCE-- YOU WON'T.
THERE.
I'M OK NOW.
I MUST HAVE SHORT-CIRCUITED THE WIRE.
CUT ME OUT OF HERE.
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY FIRST, SOMETHING WITH THE WORDS "I'M SORRY" IN IT? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
I'M SORRY.
FOR WHAT? MAYBE I WAS A TAD ON THE BOSSY SIDE-- OK, OK, OK, OK.
I WAS A POWER-CRAZED MANIAC.
AND? AND--AND I SHOULD LEARN TO LET PEOPLE HELP ME AND NOT DO EVERYTHING MYSELF, OK? OK.
I'LL HELP YOU GET OUT OF THERE.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING I WANT TO ASK FIRST.
WHAT? ARE YOU REALLY STUCK IN THERE? YES.
ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY STUCK IN THERE? YES.
GOOD, 'CAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.
WHAT? HEY, NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR! LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE! NOW! NOW, JOSEPH! JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH, STOP! THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.
LOOKS GOOD TO ME.
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW A POLE WENT THROUGH THAT WALL.
ARE YOU NUTS? MICHELLE, DON'T STARE RIGHT AT IT.
IF YOU GLANCE AT IT REAL FAST, YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE IT.
WATCH.
NOW YOU TRY.
I STILL SEE IT.
WHO ARE WE KIDDING? DAD IS GONNA FREAK.
THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WEREN'T FOLLOWING ME AROUND TRYING TO ACT LIKE A TEENAGER.
THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.
NOTHING MATTERS.
WE'RE GONNA BE GROUNDED IN OUR ROOM FOREVER! STEPH, DON'T PANIC.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
THAT'LL NEVER WORK! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD IT.
LET'S MOVE THE DRESSER TO WILL COVER THE HOLE.
LIKE I SAID, THAT'LL NEVER WORK.
DAD NOTICES EVERYTHING.
HE SEES US WHEN WE'RE SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN WE'RE AWAKE-- STEPH, THAT'S SANTA CLAUS.
NOW LISTEN TO ME, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS MOVE EVERYTHING ELSE ALONG THIS WALL OVER TO THE RIGHT, AND HE'LL NEVER NOTICE WE MOVED THE DRESSER.
NOW COME ON.
HELP ME PUSH.
Danny: GIRLS, I'M HOME.
HE'S HOME! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE NOT DEAD YET.
WE CAN STILL PULL THIS OFF.
NOW, MICHELLE, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU'VE EVER HAD.
DO I GOT TO WATCH THE HOLE AGAIN? NO.
YOU HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND STOP DAD FROM COMING UP HERE.
HOW DO I DO THAT? UH, TALK TO HIM.
KEEP HIM BUSY.
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.
CAN YOU DO IT? I CAN DO IT! GREAT.
GO GET HIM.
DO YOU THINK SHE CAN DO IT? NOT A CHANCE.
COME ON, HURRY UP.
GIRLS? HI, DADDY.
OHWELL, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO, SWEETHEART.
OH, ISN'T THIS FUN? OKEY-DOKEY.
HELLO.
I CAN DO A CHEER-- GO, TEAM, GO! TA-DA! WELL, THAT--THAT'S VERY GOOD, SWEETHEART.
I CAN SAY MY PHONE NUMBER-- WHOA.
THAT'S VERY GOOD, TOO, SWEETHEART.
I CAN SAY IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
WELL, YOU'LL NEVER TOP THAT ONE, SWEETHEART.
NOW I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND FIND YOUR SISTERS.
THEY'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG.
WELL, THAT PRETTY MUCH MEANS THEY ARE, DOESN'T IT? YOU CANNOT GO UPSTAIRS.
OH, YES, I CAN.
HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HURRY.
HE'S COMING.
HURRY.
HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! HE'S HERE.
I DID THE BEST I COULD.
SHE EVEN TOLD ME HER PHONE NUMBER WITH HER EYES CLOSED.
QUESTION IS, WHY DID SHE TELL ME HER PHONE NUMBER WITH HER EYES CLOSED? AND WHY ARE THE TWO OF YOU IN MY ROOM? DARN, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE.
IT WAS? STEPH, YOU CAN STOP PLAYING DUMB NOW.
WELL, THE REASON WE'RE IN YOUR ROOM IS BECAUSE WE WE'REWRITING A SONG ABOUT YOU.
RIGHT.
AND WE NEEDED SOME INSPIRATION.
REALLY? MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THE SONG THAT MY ROOM INSPIRED.
UH, WHY DON'T YOU SING IT FOR HIM, STEPH? UHWHY DON'T WE BOTH SING IT? * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * TAKE IT, DEEJ! * HE'S OUR DAD * * AND HE'S GOT A REALLY CLEAN ROOM * TAKE IT HOME, STEPH! * HE KEEPS IT THAT WAY * * WITH A MOP AND A BROOM * BIG FINISH! * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * * HE'S OUR DAD ** YOU KNOW, GIRLS, HEARING THAT BEAUTIFUL SONG MAKES ME REALIZE THAT YOU TWO ARE DEFINITELY UP TO SOMETHING.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU DIDN'T LIKE OUR SONG? ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, LOOK, I LOVED YOUR SONG.
YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD A HARD DAY, SO I'M GONNA JUST BUY THIS SONG THING, ALL RIGHT? EVERYBODY LOOKS HAPPY AND HEALTHY.
WHAT THE HECK? GUESS I'M A LITTLE OFF TODAY.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A NAP? YEAH.
YEAH, MAYBE I WILL.
JUST, UH, DON'T MISS THE BED.
HMM.
* DAD, DAD, HE'S OUR DAD * I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT AWAY WITH IT! WE NEVER GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING.
THAT WAS A LITTLE TOO CLOSE.
LET'S NOT PUNCH ANY MORE HOLES, OK? DEAL.
WASN'T THAT THE DUMBEST SONG YOU EVER HEARD? * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD ** MICHELLE, WHY ARE YOU SINGING? I LOVE THAT SONG.
YOU LOVE IT? WE JUST MADE IT UP.
ALL IT DOES IS GO * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT.
I KNOW ALL THE WORDS.
* DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * CAN YOU BELIEVE HER? SHE WANTS TO DO EVERYTHING I DO.
DO YOU FIND THAT ANNOYING WHEN YOUR LITTLE SISTER ALWAYS WANTS TO COPY YOU? OH.
I GET IT.
I GUESS I'M ALWAYS ANNOYING YOU.
WELL, NOT ALL THE TIME.
YOU SAVED US WITH THAT SILLY DAD SONG.
YOU WERE PRETTY TRICKY.
I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU.
I AM GOOD, AREN'T I? LOOK, IN A FEW YEARS, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A PRETTY COOL TEENAGER.
REALLY? YEP.
BUT UNTIL THEN, DO ME A FAVOR? JUST STICK TO BEING A PRETTY COOL KID.
YOU THINK I'M A COOL KID? YEAH, YOU'RE A COOL KID.
I'M BA-ACK.
SO, LADIES, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW? GIRLS.
YES, DAD? SOMETHING'S BEEN BOTHERING ME SINCE YOU LEFT.
AND I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY ROOM.
WHO MOVED THE BAKING SODA IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER? BY THE WAY, I LOVE THAT DAD SONG.
HOW DOES IT GO AGAIN? * DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD * WHAT'S THAT MOP AND BROOM PART? * HE'S GOT A REALLY CLEAN ROOM * * AND HE KEEPS IT THAT WAY WITH A MOP AND A BROOM ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL