Full House s04e22 Episode Script

Stephanie Plays the Field

HEY, MICHELLE.
WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME PUT AWAY THE GROCERIES, HONEY? IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
* I'M GOIN' FOR A WALK * * IT'S NO BIG DEAL * GEE, MICHELLE, WAIT A SECOND.
I COULD HAVE SWORN I HAD A BAG OF COOKIES IN THERE FOR AFTER DINNER.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THEY WENT? ARE THEY PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE CHIP? YES, THEY ARE.
I NEVER SAW THEM.
I WONDER WHERE THOSE COOKIES COULD BE.
COULD THEY BE UNDER THIS SHIRT? HOW DID THEY GET THERE? I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THE COOKIE MONSTER PUT THEM THERE, HUH? IS EVERYBODY GONNA HAVE COOKIES UNDER YOUR SHIRT? NO, IT'S NOT.
* AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * AND EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
AND ROTATE.
HELLO.
Danny: HI.
HI.
HEY.
OH, SORRY, DEEJ.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU FOR 3 BLOCKS.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SAY HI? I DID.
THIS DOES NOT MEAN HI.
STEPH, I SEE WE HAVE COMPANY HERE.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE US? OH, SORRY, DAD.
THIS IS MY BRETT-- I MEAN, MY FRIEND BRETT.
HI.
HI, I'M HER DAD.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
BRETT PLAYS FOR THE CUBS.
LAST YEAR, HE HIT .
421, HAD SIX STOLEN BASES, AND ONLY MADE ONE ERROR.
BUT IT WASN'T HIS FAULT 'CAUSE THE BALL HIT A ROCK.
DID I GET THAT RIGHT? PERFECT.
THIS YEAR, US GIANTS ARE GONNA KICK YOUR LITTLE-- RUSTY.
I'VE GOTTA GET TO PRACTICE.
I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL TOMORROW.
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU BY THE WATER FOUNTAIN, BRETT.
BYE.
BYE.
"I LL WAIT FOR YOU BY THE WATER FOUNTAIN, BRETT.
" * STEPHANIE'S IN LOVE * NO, I AM NOT.
CAN I HELP IT IF WE BOTH LIKE WATER? STEPH, YOU WERE KIND OF DROOLING OVER BRETT.
I WAS? NO, IT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION.
COME ON.
WE NEED TO TALK.
RUSTY, TODAY'S AN IMPORTANT DAY FOR YOU, SON, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO SLIDE WITHOUT GETTING DIRTY.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, COACH.
NOT IF YOU SCOTCHGARD BEFORE EVERY AT BAT.
ISN'T BRETT MEGA CUTE? DON'T YOU LOVE HIS CURLY BROWN EYELASHES? DO YOU THINK HE LIKES ME? WELL, IT'S HARD TO TELL.
BOYS AT THAT AGE ARE SO IMMATURE.
ACTUALLY, BOYS AT ANY AGE ARE IMMATURE.
IT'S WEIRD.
I MEAN BOYS WERE ALWAYS CHASING ME, AND I NEVER REALLY CARED.
BUT WHENEVER I'M WITH HIM, MY HEART GOES BRETT-BRETT.
BRETT-BRETT.
BRETT-BRETT.
HOW DO I GET HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND? WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I SAY? WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? MAYBE I SHOULD CHANGE MY HAIR COLOR.
STEPH, GET A GRIP.
NOW LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HANG OUT TOGETHER.
WHAT DO YOU BOTH LIKE? WELL, WE BOTH LIKE THE PORK AND BEANS IN THE CAFETERIA.
AND WE BOTH LIKE TO PICK OUT THAT CUBE OF FAT THAT'S ALWAYS IN IT.
THERE'S A LOVE CONNECTION.
NOW, KEEP THINKING.
WHAT ELSE DOES HE LIKE? BRETT LOVES BASEBALL.
WELL, YOU'RE GOOD IN SPORTS.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY OUT FOR LITTLE LEAGUE? YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE ON DAD'S TEAM.
BRETT AND I COULD TALK ABOUT BASEBALL ALL DAY.
DEEJ, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
OF COURSE, I'M AN EXPERIENCED WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING THAT A WOMAN WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE DOESN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
WELL, I'M PLAYING HARD TO GET.
OH.
WELL, YOU'RE DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB.
HUH? OH! JESS, OUR FIRST NIGHT IN OUR NEW APARTMENT.
YOU KNOW, HONEY, YOU DID A REALLY TERRIFIC JOB WITH THE ATTIC.
THANK YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY PIECE DE RESISTANCE.
OOH.
THAT IS REALLY TACKY BUT I LOVE IT.
HELLO, MR.
AND MRS.
KATSOPOLIS.
OH, GOODY.
MICHELLE'S HERE.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY.
MICHELLE, WE ALREADY PLAYED DOWN IN YOUR ROOM.
NOW WE CAN PLAY IN YOUR ROOM.
MICHELLE, YOUR UNCLE JESSE AND I, WELL, WE'D SORT OF LIKE TO BE ALONE.
WE ARE ALONE, SILLY.
ALL RIGHT, MICHELLE, YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME? LET'S PLAY AIRPLANE, OK? YAY! ALL RIGHT! WE'VE BEEN CLEARED FOR A TAKEOFF, AND SHE'S UP AND HERE WE GO.
HEY! THERE'S NO PEANUTS.
THERE'S NO MOVIE, BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM FOR LANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
THANK YOU FOR FLYING AIR KATSOPOLIS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
NOWWHERE WERE WE? HEY, YOU LOCKED ME OUT! GOOD NIGHT, MICHELLE.
WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
FINE.
I'M LEAVING, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO MISS ME.
JOEY, I'M VERY MAD.
HOLD ON JUST A SECOND, MICHELLE.
HOW CAN I POSSIBLY OWE THIS MUCH IN INCOME TAX? HMM, YOU THINK MAYBE THEY'LL BELIEVE THAT I HAD A $10,000 BUSINESS LUNCH AT THE SIZZLER? DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M VERY MAD? OK, WHY ARE YOU VERY MAD? UNCLE JESSE LOCKED ME OUT.
NOW, WHY WOULD UNCLE JESSE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
I'M A FUN GIRL.
WELL, I'M JUST GUESSING, MICHELLE, BUT I THINK UNCLE JESSE AND AUNT BECKY JUST WANT SOME PRIVACY.
WHAT IS PRIVACY? WELL, PRIVACY MEANS THAT THEY JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER, JUST THE TWO OF THEM.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THERE? WELL, THEY'RE, UH THEY'RE DOING THEIR TAXES.
ARE THEY GOING TO DO THEIR TAXES EVERY NIGHT? FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF MONTHS.
I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE BIT.
WELL, MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU WITH THIS, MICHELLE.
WE BETTER GO RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
OK, OK.
JESS.
REBECCA.
JESS.
WE'RE NUTS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] IT'S THE KID AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT, KILL THE MUSIC.
THIS TIME, I'M GETTING TOUGH.
WE'RE SLEEPING, HONEY.
THEN WHY ARE YOU TALKING, ANGEL? IT'S THE BIG KID.
JESS, MICHELLE HAS A BIG PROBLEM.
YES, MICHELLE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU TELL HIM, JOEY! I'M TOO MAD! WELL, MICHELLE THINKS YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO SPEND WITH HER ANYMORE.
I'M MADDER THAN THAT.
I'M SORRY.
HAVE YOU NO DECENCY? ALL THIS SWEET LITTLE GIRL WANTS TO DO IS SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER AUNT AND UNCLE WHO SHE LOVES.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I THINK NOT.
MUCH BETTER.
MICHELLE, NOW, YOUR AUNT BECKY AND I LOVE YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH, AND WE'RE SORRY FOR HURTING YOUR FEELINGS, BUT WE NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME ALONE.
MICHELLE, I HAVE AN IDEA.
HOW ABOUT IF THE 3 OF US SET ASIDE SOME SPECIAL TIME EVERY DAY FOR YOU TO COME UP HERE AND PLAY? I'D LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S A DEAL.
OK, JOEY, LET'S GO PLAY.
I CAN'T, MICHELLE.
I HAVE TO DO MY TAXES.
HAVE YOU NO DECENCY? ALL THIS YOUNG LADY WANTS TO DO IS HANG OUT WITH HER PAL JOEY, WHO SHE LOVES VERY MUCH.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I THINK NOT.
STEPH, HONEY, I KNOW YOU LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOUR DAD, BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRY OUT FOR LITTLE LEAGUE? DAD, I'VE DONE SOME SERIOUS THINKING, AND I'VE DECIDED THAT BASEBALL IS MY LIFE.
YOU JUST LIKE BASEBALL 'CAUSE BRETT LIKES BASEBALL.
I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN THROW.
I CAN, TOO.
OW! WHOA.
THIS BABE'S GOT AN ARM.
HEY, MY DAUGHTER IS NOT A BABE.
SHE DOES HAVE AN ARM.
STEPH, LET'S TRY SOMETHING HERE.
RUSTY, COME HERE.
GIVE ME THE BALL, SON.
NOW GRAB YOURSELF A BAT, AND I WANT YOU TO STAND IN THERE.
STEPH, I WANT YOU TO WIND UP REALLY HARD AND PITCH ONE INTO ME RIGHT NOW.
OK? RIGHT IN HERE.
WHOA! DID YOU SEE THAT BALL CURVE? I SURE DID.
STEPH, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PITCH FOR THE GIANTS? GREAT.
THANKS, DAD.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE GONNA CALL THAT PITCH OF YOURS? THE TANNER TWISTER.
THIS SATURDAY WE'RE GONNA KILL THE CUBS.
YEAH.
WE'RE GONNA DESTROY THEM.
WE'RE GONNA CREAM THEM.
WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THE CUBS EAT DUST.
I LOVE BEING A JOCK.
OK, JOCK.
LET'S GO.
COME ON DOWN, EVERYBODY! BREAKFAST IS READY! MICHELLE IS SO EXCITED.
I TOLD HER SHE COULD BE BATBOY AT THE GAME TODAY.
DADDY, I'M HERE.
MICHELLE, YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING CRIME, YOU'RE HANDING OUT BASEBALL BATS.
AW, NUTS.
CAN I STILL WEAR THE CAPE? SURE, SWEETHEART.
STEPHANIE, GUESS WHO'S HERE TO SEE YOU? WHO? BRETT-BRETT.
BRETT-BRETT.
BRETT-BRETT.
D.
J.
, PLEASE.
DOESN'T HE LOOK GREAT IN THAT UNIFORM? YES, BUT DON'T LET HIM KNOW THAT.
BE COOL.
GOT IT.
HI, STEPH.
HELLO.
YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT UNIFORM.
BEGINNERS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD OUR TEAMS ARE PLAYING EACH OTHER OPENING DAY.
YEAH.
I HOPE YOU WIN.
I HOPE WE WIN, TOO.
I HOPE IT'S A TIE.
WANT TO SEE WHAT I WROTE ON MY BAT? "S.
T.
" WITH A HEART AROUND IT? S.
T.
FOR STEPHANIE TANNER.
OH, BRETT.
DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS? I HOPE IT MEANS YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND.
ALL RIGHT! I MEAN THAT'S COOL.
WELL, GOOD LUCK TODAY.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU, TOO.
HEH.
THANKS.
I'LL NEED IT.
I HEARD NOBODY CAN HIT THE TANNER TWISTER.
YEAH.
I EVEN STRUCK OUT MY DAD.
OH, NO.
MY WHOLE FAMILY'S GONNA BE THERE.
IF I GET STRUCK OUT BY MY OWN GIRLFRIEND, I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.
YOU PROBABLY WON'T STRIKE OUT.
I HOPE NOT.
I HATE TO EVEN SAY THIS, BUT IF YOU THREW ME A COUPLE OF EASY ONES, I'D BE SURE TO GET A HIT.
ISN'T THAT CHEATING? KIND OF, OR IT COULD JUST BE A GIRLFRIEND HELPING A BOYFRIEND.
WELL, YOU COULD LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.
GREAT! THANKS FOR HELPING ME, STEPH.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE GAME.
SO, STEPH, WHAT DID BRETT WANT? OH, HE JUST CAME BY TO WISH ME GOOD LUCK.
COME ON, HONEY.
LET'S EAT.
STAR PITCHERS NEED THEIR ENERGY.
DAD, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TODAY IF, SAY, I DIDN'T PITCH TOO WELL? LIKE IF I GAVE UP A COUPLE OF HOME RUNS OR SOMETHING? STEPH I DON'T WANT YOU TO PUT ANY PRESSURE ON YOURSELF.
ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT WITH EVERY PITCH YOU THROW, YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.
OK? OK.
OK.
[CROWD CHEERING] OK, STEPH! STRIKE HIM OUT! STRIKE! COME ON, STEPH.
HEY, BATTER, BATTER, STRIKE OUT.
GET 'EM, STEPHIE! STRIKE 3! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE TANNER TWISTER STRIKES AGAIN.
THAT BRINGS UP DANGEROUS BRETT DAVIS.
DAVIS HIT A DOUBLE HIS FIRST TIME UP.
COME ON, BRETT! COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT! COME ON, STEPH.
FIRE IT IN THERE.
BURN IT BY HIM.
BLOW THAT SMOKE.
JUST THROW THE BALL, HONEY.
I'M OUT OF CLICHÉS.
COME ON, BRETT! DON'T LET ME DOWN! GET 'EM, STEPH! IT'S A SHOT TO LEFT.
IT'S GOIN'.
IT'S GOIN'.
IT'S GONE! HOME RUN! KISS THAT BABY GOOD-BYE.
WAY TO GO! WHOO! [APPLAUSE] WAY TO GO, BRETT! Woman: YAY! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THAT WAS NOT VERY NICE.
DON'T WORRY, STEPH.
WE'LL GET 'EM NEXT TIME.
WELL, THE SCORE IS 1-1 AT THE TOP OF THE FIFTH.
GIANTS HAVE A RUNNER ON THIRD, AND COMING UP TO THE PLATE IS THE GIRL WITH THE GOLDEN ARM, STEPHANIE TANNER.
TAKE THE BLUE ONE.
IT'S PRETTIER.
THANK YOU, BAT GIRL.
JUST DOING MY JOB.
MAKE A HIT, STEPH! MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU.
COME ON, STEPH.
THAT MEANS "HIT IT," HONEY.
COME ON.
WE GOT A MAN ON THIRD.
BRING HIM HOME.
COME ON! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT, STEPH! YOU'RE OUT! SHE WAS SAFE BY A MILE! WHO'S PAYING YOU TO THROW THIS GAME? YOU GOT A KID ON THE TEAM? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? JESS.
DON'T MAKE A SCENE.
DANNY, DO SOMETHIN'.
THAT'S THE WORST CALL I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! JESS, I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE.
SHE WAS OUT.
OH.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GET US BETTER SEATS? I CAN'T SEE A THING FROM WHERE WE'RE AT.
COME ON, DEAR.
BE A GOOD BOY, STAY IN YOUR SEAT, AND I'LL BUY YOU A SNOW CONE.
I LIKE CHERRY.
ONCE AGAIN, A REMINDER.
FAMILY MEMBERS ARE PROHIBITED FROM COMING ONTO THE FIELD AND EMBARRASSING THEMSELVES AND THEIR LOVED ONES.
WELL, FOLKS, IT'S ALL COME DOWN TO THIS.
THE SCORE IS 2-1, FAVOR OF TANNER'S GIANTS.
WE'RE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE LAST INNING.
TWO OUT.
RUNNERS ON SECOND AND THIRD, AND STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE IS DANGEROUS BRETT DAVIS.
TANNER'S HAD PROBLEMS STRIKING HIM OUT ALL DAY LONG.
YOU CAN CUT THE TENSION WITH A KNIFE.
YO, BUDDY.
HOT DOG? ALL RIGHT, STEPH, WE GOT ANOTHER SHOT AT IT.
COME ON, BABY.
YEAH.
STRIKE ONE! SHE BLEW THAT RIGHT BY HIM.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] COME ON, SON! IT'S ALL UP TO YOU! PITCH IT TO HIM, STEPH.
RIGHT IN THERE, HONEY.
YEAH! [CHEERING] STRIKE 2! WELL, THE GIANTS ARE ONE STRIKE AWAY FROM WINNING THIS GAME.
CAN YOU STAND THIS EXCITEMENT? TIME OUT! UMP, TIME OUT! YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME, STEPH? NOT REALLY.
I NEED TO TALK TO D.
J.
IT'S A WOMAN THING.
ENOUGH SAID.
D.
J.
! WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE MANAGER TANNER IS BRINGING IN ANOTHER PITCHER.
NO.
ACTUALLY, HE'S BRINGING IN ANOTHER DAUGHTER.
HERE COMES D.
J.
TANNER, SHE'S EDITOR OF HER SCHOOL PAPER, LOVES THE MALL, AND SPENDS HOURS IN THE BATHROOM.
JOEY! SORRY.
DEEJ, TELL HER TO THROW THE TWISTER, OK? OK.
WHAT IS IT? THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
I'M IN TROUBLE.
BRETT WANTS ME TO THROW HIM AN EASY ONE SO HE CAN GET A HIT.
OH, I GET IT.
IF YOU STRIKE HIM OUT, YOU MIGHT LOSE A BOYFRIEND.
BUT IF YOU LET HIM GET A HIT, YOU'LL BE LETTING YOUR YOUR WHOLE TEAM DOWN.
TOUGH ONE.
WELL, GOOD LUCK.
D.
J.
, WAIT.
WHAT DO I DO? WELL, YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT-- SELF-RESPECT OR TRUE LOVE.
THIS WOULD BE A LOT EASIER IF HE WASN'T SUCH A BABE.
PLAY BALL! ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.
WE'RE FINALLY READY FOR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
ONE MORE STRIKE, AND THE GIANTS WIN.
BUT IF BRETT GETS A HIT, THE CUBS COULD WIN.
WHAT A NAIL-BITER.
HEY, NACHOS, OVER HERE.
JUST BRING WHATEVER'S LEFT.
COME ON, BRETT! COME ON.
YOU CAN DO IT.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
COME ON, BRETT.
WE CAN WIN IT.
UMMH! STRIKE THREE! SHE STRUCK HIM OUT! THE GIANTS WIN THE GAME! THE GIANTS WIN THE GAME! THE GIANTS WIN THE GAME! CAN I GET THIS STUFF TO GO? YEAH! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE.
COMET, NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME LIKING A BOY, TALK ME OUT OF IT.
HI, STEPH.
BRETT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I KIND OF FORGOT TO SAY "NICE GAME.
" THANKS.
I'M SORRY FOR STRIKING YOU OUT.
BUT THE TEAM WAS COUNTING ON ME.
I UNDERSTAND.
IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD HAVE STRUCK ME OUT, TOO.
REALLY? YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME.
NO.
I'M LUCKY YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME.
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ASKED MY GIRLFRIEND TO CHEAT FOR ME.
I'M STILL YOUR GIRLFRIEND? ALL RIGHT! I MEAN, THAT'S COOL.
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW? I DON'T KNOW.
YOU WANT TO GO INSIDE AND WATCH THE SPORTS CHANNEL? SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
[WOOF WOOF] [WHISPERING] Comet.
COMETABOUT ME NOT LIKING BOYS ANY MORE, I WAS JUST KIDDING.
HA HA HA.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL