Full House s05e19 Episode Script

The Devil Made Me Do It

Guess what time it is? - Four-thirty? - Nope.
It's time for The Michelle Show.
[HUMMING] Michelle It's not that I don't love seeing The Michelle Show over and over but I have to do The Homework Show.
My first guest is Yogi Bear.
I'm smarter than the average bear.
Terrific show.
One of your best.
And now, here's D.
J.
Michelle, I don't do impressions.
I said, now, here's D.
J.
Hello, I'm George Washington.
I was your very first president.
How's it going? Wow, you sound just like him.
Amazing, isn't it? And that's our show.
[HUMMING] Michelle [DRUMS PLAYING] [DRUMS STOP] Here's Uncle Jesse.
We've been looking for you everywhere.
Why? Because that's how you find somebody, silly.
You're my little munchkin but I got a lot of work to do so go hit the yellow brick road.
[DRUMS PLAYING] [DRUMS STOP] Hey.
Where did that drum come from? It's inside this machine.
Get out of here.
You get out of here.
I got a whole band right here.
Watch.
I'll show you guys how I construct a song.
First, we start with the drums, like this: Add bass.
Guitar.
Little horns.
And Elvis.
ELVIS VOICE: Thank you very much.
We gotta play with that.
Freeze.
Stick your hands where I can see them.
Stick your hands down.
Okay, let me tell you guys something, this is not a toy store.
This is very expensive equipment that I'm still making payments on.
Under no circumstances are you to touch anything in this whole entire studio.
My feet are touching the floor.
She's got you there.
You guys run along and I'm gonna get back to my work.
But it's Saturday.
You should be playing.
Get some fresh air.
I'd love to put on my play clothes and hit the sandbox with you bozos but the good Uncle Jesse keeps saying, "Be responsible, finish your work then go out and enjoy some well-earned relaxation.
" The good Uncle Jesse is a nerd.
I'm hip, but he's doing his job.
Otherwise, I'd be listening to the bad Uncle Jesse who says: "Oh, work is for chumps.
Go out and party.
You're having a good hair day, go share it with the world.
" The bad Uncle Jesse sounds cool.
It's one thing to be cool, it's another thing to know right from wrong.
Now, I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna finish my work.
Starting tomorrow.
Who wants ice cream? Me, me, me.
Timmy Fanelli is twice as cute as Jimmy Fanelli.
No.
Jimmy Fanelli is 10 times cuter than Timmy Fanelli.
- No way.
- What are you guys arguing about? They're identical twins.
Jimmy's two minutes older.
He's much more mature.
That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Let me get this straight, you are calling me dumb? Gibbler, you're so dumb you don't know how dumb you are.
I know how dumb I am.
You're the one who's dumb.
Capital D-U-M.
Dumb.
Kimmy, there's a B.
Where? I hate those things.
I think we have a winner.
Deej, how can you be friends with this? Hey, she picked me.
She got stuck with you.
Please, you guys have been arguing the whole way home.
Not all the way.
Only since Lake Street.
- It wasn't Lake Street, it was Chestnut.
- No, it wasn't.
I can't believe this.
You guys are arguing about where you started arguing.
Now, you're gonna shake hands and be friends.
All right, kid, put her there.
Gotcha, shrimp boat.
Stuff it, bird legs.
That's it.
Look, you're my sister and you're my best friend.
Now, we are not leaving until you guys start acting nice to each other.
Fine.
- What are you doing? - I'm ordering pizza.
This could take months.
- Years.
- Centuries.
- Infinity.
- Double infinity.
- Triple infinity.
- Quadruple.
[SINGING] [DOORBELL RINGS] There she is.
Wendy and I are going bike riding.
Ever since my sister moved back to San Francisco you've been singing show tunes.
That is just not true.
[SINGING] I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.
I mean, my sister is a pretty serious athlete.
You're not exactly in tiptop physical condition, you know? Wendy happens to like me for who I am.
I don't have to do anything special to try and impress her.
- Hey.
How you doing? - Hi, Danny.
One-eighty, 181, 182.
- Hi, Wendy.
- Hi, Joey.
Just doing my little morning pump up.
Today I'm working on abs, pecs and lobes.
Lobes? You're working out your ears? Yep.
Feel the definition in these babies.
I love a man with ears of steel.
And his brain is one big ball of aluminum foil.
All right, let's throw those bikes on your rack and head on out.
I don't have a bike rack.
I don't even have a car.
Well, the trail's 20 miles away.
How the heck are we gonna get there? Ride our bikes.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
The 20-mile ride there will be a nice warm-up.
And the 20-mile ride back will be a nice little cool down.
Especially for a guy who can do You're absolutely right.
I am in tiptop riding condition.
Yes, sirree.
I just hope the old bike can take it.
That's your bike? Oh, yeah, a lot of the top riders are going back to the banana seat.
Hello? Anybody here? This looks like big fun.
Ah, ah, ah.
Michelle Elizabeth Tanner, I am shocked.
So am I.
Who are you? I'm the good Michelle.
I tell you the right thing to do.
Don't listen to that wimp.
Uh-oh.
You must be the bad Michelle.
Duh.
Don't listen to her.
Stick a sock in it, goody pants.
You got a bad attitude.
Thanks.
Now go on, break the stupid rules.
But I'll get in trouble.
Not if you don't get caught.
Good girls always follow the rules.
What do I do? What do I do? What are you, a chicken? [CLUCKING] Be good.
Be good.
Be good.
- Party.
Party.
Party.
- Be good.
Be good.
- Party.
Party.
Party.
- Be good.
Be good.
Be good.
Enough.
It's party time.
[MUSIC PLAYING] All right.
You're bad to the bone.
Where did I go wrong? Michelle, what are you doing? Come here.
- Didn't I tell you not to touch my stuff? DANNY: Jess.
Don't tell Daddy.
You'll get me in trouble.
Hey, is everything okay down here? Everything is super.
No, everything is not super.
She was down here playing with my stuff after I specifically told her not to.
Really? Did you do that, Michelle? I was just having fun.
Well, your fun is over now.
For the rest of the day, you're gonna be in your room, and no TV.
Can I rent a videotape? No tapes, no cable, no pay-per-view.
You gotta be kidding.
No, I'm not.
You break the rules, you're gonna be punished.
Thanks a lot, Uncle Tattletale.
I am not a tattletale.
Danny, she just called me a-- So I'm a tattletale, but it's not my fault.
You were messing around with my stuff.
I thought I was your little munchkin, but I was wrong.
Okay, Michelle, that's enough.
Now, come with me up to your room.
I hope you're happy.
I still got you, Comet.
DANNY: Comet, time for your walk.
I'm totally bummed.
I hope you learned your lesson.
Hey, princess, go kiss a frog.
You got me in trouble.
That wasn't me.
That was Uncle Tattletale.
He is a blabbermouth.
Wanna make him very sorry? You should mind your own business.
Now, now, be polite.
How do I make him sorry? You run away from home.
Uncle Jesse will never squeal on you again.
Sounds good to me.
I'm out of here.
GOOD MICHELLE: Michelle, be a good girl.
BAD MICHELLE: Don't listen to her.
Pack that suitcase.
Don't do this.
This is a big, big mistake.
Get a life.
[MOCKING] [DOORBELL RINGS] Get the door, Teddy.
- Who is it? MICHELLE: Michelle Tanner.
- Hi, Michelle.
- Hi, Teddy.
Can I live with you? Sure.
Come on in.
Guess what? Michelle's gonna live with us.
Does your dad know you're here? No.
When you run away, you don't tell.
Why did you run away, sweetheart? To teach Uncle Tattletale a lesson.
She's really cute.
Can we keep her? I'm a fun girl.
Until we get this straightened out, you're welcome to stay here.
Thanks, New Dad.
All right, this is a big moment, Beck.
It's our son's first attempt at solid food.
And here's a shot of the proud father watching.
Honey, why don't we get some video of the baby? Okay, we should get the kid too.
Here we go.
Okay, we're going to start with the strained bananas.
- And action.
BECKY: All right.
She's grabbing the spoon, the spoon's in the strained bananas the strained bananas are going into the mouth and here's another shot of the proud father watching.
- Jess.
- Sorry.
Back to the baby.
Open wide.
Here we go.
Strained bananas in.
And, whoa, strained bananas out.
Here's the father encouraging his son.
Come on, son, you can do it.
Do it for Dad.
Do it for Dad.
Sorry.
Back to the baby.
Okay, take two.
And strained bananas in.
- And it's a keeper.
- All right.
Way to go, Nick.
Have you seen Michelle? She's not in her room.
- What do you mean? She's grounded.
- I checked the house.
- Don't know where she is.
- She's gotta be around.
- I'll check front.
- I'll check back.
JESSE: Michelle.
DANNY: Michelle.
[PHONE RINGING] BECKY: Phone.
- Hello? Oh, thank God.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll be right over.
Thanks, Henry.
Well? Michelle went down the street to Teddy's house.
She ran away from home.
- What? - What? Why would she do that? Well, she was mad at me.
She called me Uncle Tattletale.
- I'll see to it she never runs away again.
- Well, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna hug her, then I'm gonna kiss her then I'm gonna ground her for life.
Whoa, whoa, hold it, tall man.
- I've got a better idea.
- What? Just do what my dad did to me when I ran away.
I guarantee she'll never do it again.
You sit here.
You sit here.
- Why do we have to do this? - Yeah, it's never gonna work.
Sure it is, I saw it on TV.
"Little sisters and best friends who hate each other.
On the next Geraldo.
" Give me a break.
Look, the idea is, you guys can learn to be friends if you find things that you have in common.
Now, each time you agree, you move your chairs closer.
When you disagree, you move them apart, understand? - We're not idiots.
- Speak for yourself.
Okay, what's your favorite book? - Charlotte's Web.
- How To Pick Up Boys.
There you go.
You both read a book.
Actually, I never read it.
It's a book on tape.
Moving right along.
- What's your favorite food? - Pizza.
There you go, Kimmy.
You love pizza.
Not as much as I love trout.
Deej, this is so stupid.
It sure is.
There you go.
You guys both agree it's stupid.
Move your chairs closer.
Now, come on, let's keep going.
I don't wanna keep going.
You're always telling me what to do.
Yeah, she's so bossy.
I'm sick of it.
We agree again.
And D.
J.
's always late.
Oh, I know, the hair-spray queen.
- She has to look perfect at all times.
- I know what you mean.
Do you know she's never complimented my hair? Me neither.
I think you've got the idea.
I've tried to tell her to chill out.
But when she's on one of her power trips, forget it.
And did you ever watch TV with her? I know.
She never lets go of the remote.
Now that we're all friends, why don't we just change the subject? Oh, and sharing a bathroom with her.
Hey, you might as well just go down to the Texaco station.
I could go on for hours.
- Do you like frozen yogurt? - Love it.
- Strawberry? - My favorite.
- Yeah, let's go.
Yeah.
- Girls, wait.
I like frozen yogurt too.
Pick a card.
Any card.
Oh, man.
I got the Old Maid again.
Don't play this for money.
Teddy, where am I gonna sleep tonight? We're out of beds.
You can sleep in the kitchen with Sparky.
I used to have a dog.
Those were the days.
[DOORBELL RINGS] Michelle, I think that's your family.
I bet they're coming to say they're sorry.
- Hi, Danny.
Hi, Jesse.
- Hi.
- Where's my little girl? - She's in the living room.
All right, Danny.
Be strong, remember the plan.
Hello, boys.
Do you have something to say to me? Yes, Michelle, we feel very bad that you left home.
I knew it.
Keep going.
Well, we miss you very much, munchkin.
And you'll never be Uncle Tattletale again? I don't know.
You don't live with us anymore.
- I don't? - No, remember? You don't like our rules, you wanna live here.
That's cool.
I brought extra clothes, your toothbrush, everything you need in this suitcase.
What is this, a joke? It's not a joke, Michelle.
There's nothing funny about running away from home.
- Bye-bye.
- See you, kid.
If you need us, you know the number.
Give us a buzz.
Bye, sweetheart.
Wait.
You forgot something.
What? What did we forget? Me.
Really? You mean you wanna come back and live with us? Even with Uncle Tattletale? Yes, I wanna go home.
- And we want you to come home.
- Yeah, we missed you.
Michelle, don't you ever do this again.
- You had us worried sick.
- It wasn't very smart, young lady.
You're telling me.
I was gonna sleep with the dog.
You're not gonna sleep with anybody but your own bed.
My room.
My bed.
My pig.
I love this place.
All right, come on, Michelle.
It's time for one of our little talks.
Now, what you did today was very wrong.
I know.
I should never touch your stuff.
That's right.
But I'm talking about running away.
That was very dangerous.
You're never to leave this house without our permission.
If you have a problem, talk to me or someone else in this house, capiche? Caphiche.
All right, now level with me.
Why'd you really run away? I was mad at you because you got me in trouble.
I felt terrible about getting you in trouble.
But I couldn't let you break the rules.
Because if you did it today, you'd do it all the time.
- And that's not cool.
- Am I still your little munchkin? You can still be my little munchkin if you stop calling me Uncle Tattletale.
Okay, Uncle Jesse.
All right.
You're never gonna run away again? - Never ever, ever, ever.
- All right, let's shake on it.
Ready? I love you, munchkin.
I know.
I love you, Uncle Jesse.
I know.
I'll see you after dinner, kid.
Uncle Jesse, were you really gonna leave me at Teddy's? What do you think? That was very sneaky.
I've got another good idea.
I don't wanna hear it.
Let's sneak out and watch Yo! MTV Raps.
I want you out of here.
I like the way she dresses.
- Michelle, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
And remember, always do the right thing.
Oh, I will.
She can get on my nerves.