Futurama s08e09 Episode Script

The Prince and the Product

[dramatic music playing]
[theme music playing]
[dramatic music playing]
ALL: Whoa
- It's a box fit for a king, it is.
- As it should be.
We are delivering it to
the King of Space himself.
A real-life king?
This could be my big chance to grovel!
[energetic music playing]
[royal fanfare plays]
[dolly squeaking]
BENDER: Ooh. Swanky dump.
Your delivery, my liege.
Now, this guy knows how to grovel.
- Yes!
- At last.
The portrait of
my late wife has arrived.
Careful! It's delicate!
[loud grunting]
Infinita, Queen of Space.
Not even the finest macaroni artist
could capture your beauty.
Although this one did.
Hang it over there!
[Fry groaning excessively]
It's my early-onset sciatica.
[horn blowing]
Announcing His Royal Highness,
the Prince of Space!
Allow me to help your elderly friend.
[romantic music playing]
[tusks sparkling]
Wow. This absolute stud
sure made me look like a wimp,
huh, Leela?
You guys straighten that together
while I explain
our loyalty punch card program
to His Majesty.

I still don't understand.
- Ten punches, and I get 10% off?
- No, no. It's nothing like that.
Let N be the number of punches.
[door opens]
[romantic music resumes]
Leela, where were you?
It's been, like, 30 minutes.
I was falling in love
with the Prince of Space.
We're getting married!
[dramatic sting]
I know this is very sudden, Fry.
I'll always remember the times we had
- that I haven't already forgotten.
- But, but, I love you!
And I can't afford to live without you!
Futurama is brought to you by
Windos! The toy so fun,
it makes fun look like boredom!
Windos, Windos ♪
Wind 'em and watch 'em run ♪
Windos, Windos ♪
Roughly a minute of fun ♪
[music winds down]
[dog and cat barking]

Good news, Windos!
[bumping into table]
Today, we're delivering sushi
to Mrs. McDougal.
Another job well done.
[metallic footsteps]
- Are you okay, Fry?
- Eh. I'm just a little run down.
Run down?
I'm sure it's nothing,
but you should see a doctor.
Run down?
I'm sure it's nothing,
but you should see a doctor.
Oh, me! Right.
Let's take a listen.
[loud winding]
Dear God, no!
[dramatic sting]
Pretend you didn't hear that.
Are you sure, Dr. Zoidberg?
- I mean, you're usually wrong.
- Of course, I'm sure.
Fry's mainspring is nearly wound down.
[all gasp]
[spring boings]
Oh, dear.
It must have been all that time
Fry spent cryogenically frozen.
For a thousand years, he was
slowly pacing and winding down.
[winding down]
[alarm dings]
[Fry groaning]
Welcome to the world of Windos!
It was a one-way ticket to Oldsville!
Last exit before Deathburg!

[sniffling] I'm so sorry, Fry.
- We'll take it day-by-day.
- I'd suggest minute-by-minute.
[sniffs] Well, don't be sad.
I've had a full life.
I eated. I prayed.
I loved-ed.
- I'm at peace.
- At peace? At peace?!
You selfish jerk!
You're my best friend!
Promise you won't leave me!
- I can't help winding down.
- That's crazy talk!
You need spiritual guidance!
[pipe organ playing]
You gotta help him, Reverend.
Do you have any way to calm
my friend's terror of mortality?
Can religion calm
the terror of mortality?
That's our home run swing!
After you wind down, you rise up!
You spread your wings
and fly around Heaven forever,
- as an angel.
- [sniffles] Really?
A-And we can do loop-de-loops?
- Well, no, not
- Loop-de-loops, you say? Huh.
- Well, maybe Fry can face death after all.
- Bender, my son.
Heaven's not a actual place
the way Hell is.
It's a metaphor for
how the soul lives on
- in the hearts of those who love us.
- Metaphor?
Isn't that just a fancy
word for "steaming load"?
I wouldn't call it fancy.
Ah, Preacherbot gave me nothing!
- Can no one help me?
- Well, some say there's a guru high in the
Some say it? Let's go!
[intense music playing]
[Fry shivering]
[wind blowing]
I can't go much further.
Escaping from that wind-up Yeti
used most of my remaining power.
[groans, clangs]
[church bell tolls]
- [gasps] Fry!
- Goodbye, friends.
Maybe we'll meet again
in a better metaphor.

[struggling, groaning]
Bender, he's gone. It's over.
Never! I'm gonna give him
spring-to-spring resuscitation!
[dramatic music playing]
[rapid grunting]
[music crescendos]

[stops grunting]
Wha What happened?
Am I alive?
If you were dead, how could
you ask such a dumb question?
You're as alive and stupid as ever.
[crew cheering]
You saved him, Bender!
You're a hero!
Shut up, baby, I know it.
- Are you okay, robot?
- [groans] Never better!
Wound up tight and full of
[slowing] spring
[winding stops]
Goodbye, sweet jerks.
[dramatic music playing]
Bender! No!
[gurgling, hissing]
Now, that's dead.
[somber music playing]
Bender saved my life,
and now he's gone.
- What does it all mean?
- It means life is meaningless.
Lesson learned!
Let's hit the road.
No! I need answers!
I'm continuing up to that guru,
no matter how long the journey
- Are you the guru of the mountain?
- For a quarter, I'm a guru.
For a nickel, you get a sticker that says
you climbed the mountain.
My friend wound down
and fell in a volcano.
Is that the end? Just nothingness?
I found a quarter.
Take solace, for the spirit
of your friend is eternal.
It will be reincarnated in other bodies,
growing and learning as it goes
- Some say.
- Reincarnation?
That sounds like another
big, steaming load.
Perhaps not.
[propeller plane flying overhead]
[gasps] Look!
I'm back, baby!
And I'm doing loop-de-loops!
Maybe, in some weird way,
the soul really is eternal.
Bite my enlightened
metal ass, mortality!
I'm 40% aerodynamic!
That's not aerodynamic enough!
[Bender giggling]
Eh, it's fine.
He'll be something else in a minute.
NARRATOR: Collect all 293.
And now, back to our program.
[Fry crying]
Marriage? I forbid it!
- She is a space commoner!
- Whew.
That was a close one.
Let's head home, honey.
[somber music playing]
No. No one is
head-home-honey-ing anywhere.
What? Why?
- What?
- Why?!
Because Leela's not common.
- She's brave and good and articulate.
- Blah?
How can you stand in the way
of true love, Your Majesty?
Space Queen Infinita
would be ashamed of you.
[dramatic music playing]
- How dare you!
- I've never been so angry and hungry.
[smacking lips]
- She needs salt.
- My wife needs no seasoning!
I challenge you to a duel!
I accept.
And if I win, the wedding is on.
And if I win, your head is off!
[dramatic music playing]
Futurama is brought to you by
Round Wheels!
The only toy car with wheels.
[jingle playing]
- Go, go, Round Wheels ♪
- Buy, buy Round Wheels ♪
- Go buy Round Wheels ♪
- Wheels sold separately ♪
Roll Round Wheels,
Roll, roll Round Wheels ♪
Roll Round Wheels
Roll, roll Round Wheels ♪
[meow, barking]
[cat and dog cars grunt]
[Professor groans]
Good news, Round Wheels!
We're delivering a piece of
replacement track to Saturn.
[crew cheering]
- And everybody is going. All of us!
- Yay!
Except one, since only six
can fit in the shipmobile.
- Well, I stayed behind last time, so
- I suggest Zoidberg.
CREW: Second!
[Zoidberg groaning]
[inspirational music playing]
[Bender grunting]
[plastic straining]
Should we test it out?
[all cheer]
Go, go, Round Wheels ♪
Buy, buy Round Wheels ♪
Go buy Round Wheels ♪
Wheels sold separately ♪
Roll Round Wheels! ♪
[jingle fades]
[somber music playing]
- Why doesn't anybody like me?
- You're depressed, you're depressing,
and you talk while
we're trying to watch TV!
The high-speed chase
finally came to an end
when friction caused the cars
to gradually slow down. Morbo?
In local news,
countless victims have died
after viewing a mysterious video
circulating online.
Let's see some of that video.
[mysterious noises, cacophony]
[cars honking]
[garbled radio chatter, static]
The video is invariably followed
by an equally mysterious phone call.
Scientists say
anyone who answers the call
will die tragically within hours.
[phone ringing]
Can you pause it?
I'm getting a call.
- No!
- Amy, stop!
CALLER [on phone]:
Your car warranty has expired.
Press one now,
whether or not you want to renew.
[dramatic music playing]
Yes, I'm here to pick up
my extended warranty.
I have a 3:00 AM appointment.
[ominous music playing]
[Amy screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
Have you seen Amy
since that creepy video
and chilling phone call?
[phone ringing]
No, but my phone's ringing.
Maybe it's her.
Yello? What?
I don't recognize the chilling voice.
Put it on speakerphone.
CALLER: am sorry to inform you
your car warranty has expired.
We don't want any!
What do they think, we're idiots?
[both laughing]
[dramatic sting]

[both screaming]
Some ancient horror
is picking us off one by one,
starting with the most gullible.
Who will be next?
Hermes, quit frightening me
while I'm on the phone.
[dramatic sting]
[tires squealing]
- Goodbye, robot!
- Wait! I have a desperate idea!
We'll race after Bender,
and let him lead us
to the monster's den of terror!
Road trip to the monster's den!
Except you, Zoidberg.
Someone has to stay behind
to answer the phones.
[somber music playing]

Come on!
We'll pick up speed on the downhill
since we have no motors!
[dramatic music playing]
Woo! I'm doing loop-de-loops!
I'm not gonna make it!
- Go on without me!
- That was my plan.
[Professor yelling]
I'm okay!
Yes, I'm here for the free scam.
[dramatic music playing]
[Bender yelling]
Hm I'll have to drop it
and limbo under that arm.
[sneaky steel drum playing]

Sweet Subaru of Timbuktu!
It's a chop shop.
[dramatic sting]
Wh-Who are you?
[music crescendos]
It's me, Zoidberg.
Oh, thank goodness.
I was afraid it was the villain.
I am the villain!
No. Villains have more charisma.
You're just boring.
No one ever included me.
So, I included all of you, why not?
Now, I have Fry's roof rack,
Amy's bumper,
and, spoiler alert,
Leela's spoiler!
AMY: Help, we're trapped!
PROFESSOR: Inside Zoidberg!
I'm the gas tank, by the way.
And here's my latest acquisition.
Bender's shiny metal muffler!
BENDER [muffled]:
Bite my shiny metal Oh, forget it.
Now, I just need a piece of you, Hermes,
and we'll all be friends together.
- Forever!
- Woo! Woo!
I don't need my oil changed!
Snap in Hermes' hood, and done!
I'll never be alone again!
Oop! Oop, hang on.
I accidentally took off my mouth.
Let me just put that back onto
[crew cheering]
Let's hit the track, people!
[tires squealing]
[somber music playing]
Don't worry. I bought the warranty!
Go, go, Round Wheels ♪
[crew cheering, laughing]
Wheels sold separately ♪
Roll Round Wheels!
Roll, roll ♪
And now, back to our program.
[dramatic music playing]
[gong clangs]
[echoing] The duel of the King of Space
versus the Fry of Earth
shall now commence!
Competitors, mount your lamassus!
Here you go, boy.
Mm. Thanks.
That was really good.
Space shall run red
with the blood of the commoner.
Nice earrings, by the way.
I volunteer to fight in Fry's place,
as his champion!
[crowd gasping]
The rule book does allow for a champion!
This isn't the rule book, by the way.
It's a takeout menu.
I'm gonna have the pad Thai.
You can't fight for me, Leela.
I'm fighting for you!
- Fry, you're really bad at fighting.
- That's true.
[light saber whirs]
[dramatic music playing]
[light saber whirs]
Mm. Let the duel commence!
I can't look!
Oh, now I can.
[hooves galloping]
[dramatic music playing]
[screams, groans]
[crowd gasping]
The king smells dead!
Long live the king!
We can marry at last, my love!
Sorry about murdering your father.
[dramatic sting]
I, too, had a champion fight for me.
[light saber whirs]
LEELA: Oh, the prince!
I-I killed my true love!
No, I'm fine.
Oh, you mean that guy.
[Leela sobbing]
[loud wailing]
Rubber ducks, rubber ducks ♪
The perfect toy for bath time ♪
Never put live ducks
in your child's tub ♪
'Cause live ducks, live ducks
will peck your child's eyes out ♪
So always choose rubber ducks
when you are choosing ducks ♪
[dramatic music playing]
[meowing, barking]
[rubber squeaking]
Boy, that was a really long delivery.
I thought we were gonna fall off
the end of the water.
The water doesn't have an end,
numb duck.
Haven't you ever seen a map?
Hm, I guess that looks pretty infinite.
I'm convinced.
Well, I'm not!
I made this map,
and whole sections
were based on old legends
and random hunches.
I propose a voyage of
scientific exploration!
[adventurous music playing]
To the edge of the water!
If there is an edge.
And if not, an agonizing death
with friends!
Make way for rubber ducklings.
[adventurous music playing]
Oy, how long have we been at sea?
- Always!
- And how far have we traveled?
With no landmarks, it's hard to say.
There's a good chance
we never moved at all.
Fry, check the spyglass.
[mystical music playing]
Land ho!
- What's land?
- I don't know.
[dramatic music playing]
[crew cheering]
Yep. Mm-hmm.
Father, what is that
unusual piece of land
- floating toward us?
- [gasps] It be invaders!
Take shelter
in the fun-time beach house!
But, I see a stranger,
and his bill looks gentle and kind.
[romantic music swells]
Look at his eyeballs!
It's the scurvy!
What strange folk.
Do you come in peace?
We're still deciding.
I don't trust these land wobblers.
Let's just trade our guns for
tobacco and get out of here.
Alright, rubber flockers.
Turn around and float back
where you came from!
Peck him until he falls down!
[Professor quacking]
[Bender laughing]
Stop! Stop this madness!
Kind strangers, welcome to our land.
- We call it land.
- That's so interesting.
We call our land water.
- Won't you join us for a turducky dinner?
- Sure. What's in it?
[dramatic music playing]
My name's Fry.
Is that your name, too?
- No, I'm Leela. What are you doing?
- Trying to gaze into your eye.
I've never seen anyone like you.
I saw a fish once, though.
It was cool.
[gentle music playing]
Oh, Fry. I'm falling
head over heels in love with you.
Except I can't fall,
and I don't have heels.
Have you gone land crazy, Fry?
In our culture,
interspecies love is forbidden!
Oh, yeah?
Well, in our culture,
we believe a woman's sexuality
is her own decision!
- [stammering] Okay, then.
- But I, as an individual,
strongly disagree with that view
and am deeply offended!
[all gasp]
This means war!
Well, we don't have that word,
but this definitely means peace-fighting!
- Fry!
- Leela Fry!
[dramatic music playing]
Whee! Two, three, four.
Whee! Two, three
Rubber in the hole!
[pleasurable moaning]
That tickles.
[scattered yelling]
And thus, with a final wobble,
I do fall down.
[somber music playing]
- [gasps] This is the end. All is lost.
- No. Our love is eternal.
It'll live on forever, even after it dies.
That's so stupid,
but also sweet. Like you.
- Goodbye. [quack]
- Goodbye. [gag]
[somber music playing]
[babies cooing]
Eggulons. Collect all 11!
And now, what's left of Futurama.
I'm sorry you killed
the love of your life, Leela.
It must have been horrible for
you, the way your laser lance
- sliced him up like a watermelon.
- It's okay, Fry.
I wasn't really in love with him.
I was under a spell.
Really? A magic spell?
No! A science spell!
- Oh
- Of course

BENDER: Whee! Woo!
Woo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!
[theme music playing]
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