Future Man (2017) s01e07 Episode Script

Pandora's Mailbox

1 Previously on Future Man This is a rush job, Gamma protocol.
Her little head's going to blow in 26 minutes! I discovered a whole branch to my family tree going back hundreds of years.
What do you really know about Tiger? About the so-called Resistance? She doesn't care about babies.
She doesn't have a family of her own.
She's not connected to anyone or anything.
I'm getting very confused right now.
Don't listen to her, okay? She is programmed to deceive.
In 2023, James Cameron dove beneath the sea Cameronium is named after James Cameron? You just told me how, when, and where to get more Cameronium.
I'm fighting for their future.
Not yours.
So why don't you contemplate that in the next 30 sec Okay.
This is it.
We jump in, find the lab, grab the Cameronium, and don't kill James Cameron in the process.
I've never seen you this focused.
Did you get a charge in before we left? Little necro charge? What? That's a thing? - That's fucked up.
- No! Listen, I'm just trying to get you two out of here before the Biotics arrive and start causing either harm or or good, I really can't be sure anymore.
Where the hell is Tiger? - Where were you? - Oh, I was just having a stranger put a rat hole around my penis when I was supposed to be running an interference op.
Oh, I'm sorry, that was you.
It's called a blowjob, and I'm never apologizing for it.
You do realize that if this doesn't work, we're stuck in the year 2023 and there's no coming back.
Honestly, after everything that happened tonight, I really don't give a shit.
Let's do this.
Hey, what happened tonight? Are you out of your fucking mind? Okay.
I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about, but you might want to check that attitude of yours at that very impressive door.
Hello and welcome.
Please accept my apologies.
I was unaware there were guests in the house.
I will run a full diagnostic to determine the cause of this error to ensure it does not happen again.
Who, whoa, whoa, stand down.
Cameron must have, like, a smart house or something.
- It's not a real person.
- What the fuck is it, then? It's it's just a voice, it's like a robot without a body.
Who are you? I am the Simulated Intelligence Guardian of Residence and Network Environment, but you may call me SIGORN-E.
To whom am I speaking? Oh, uh my my dad actually worked with James Cameron.
I am Tom Arnold's son.
Welcome, Jax Arnold, and a happy belated tenth birthday.
I'm a fourth grader.
And you are accompanied by? Uh, babysitters! And greetings to your childcare professionals.
Hey, SIGORN-E, uh, when is Mr.
Cam James Uncle Jim returning home? Award-winning filmmaker James Cameron is at Governor Clooney's residence for a private screening of his hotly anticipated Avatar 5.
- And good for George.
- Yes.
As First Husband, he has considerable influence on the social calendar of Governor Amal Clooney.
Hey, is there any chance that we could get a tour of Uncle Jim's lab before he gets home? I'm sorry, but Jax Arnold and childcare professionals are not cleared for that level of the JCC, the James Cameron Compound.
You think you might want to take a break for a little while? You know, turn yourself off? There is no off.
Hey guys.
Come here.
I think SIGORN-E's going to be a bit of a problem.
We need to shut her down.
Wolf, find the mainframe that's powering her, kill it.
Well, I got no beef with SIGORN-E.
She sounds tough and accomplished, at the same time approachable, maternal.
I feel safe in this house.
Okay, your feelings mean nothing to me.
You're the demolitions expert.
Find her robot brain and blow it up.
If I was a house, where would my brain be? Rad bot.
The weapon prototypes you're admiring were all designed by groundbreaking multi-hyphenate James Cameron.
This guy! To taller-than-average James Cameron, there's nothing Aliens about getting your hands dirty.
He has been known to wear many hats, as his talents cannot be confined to one field.
So wait.
He trained all his life to do one thing, was great at it, then found other stuff he was great at and he and he did that too? Celebrated innovator James Cameron has lived a dozen lives.
Director, philanthropist, undefeated Little League coach, deep-sea explorer, good at marriage.
The list goes on, for he is truly a Titanic talent.
What sacred text is this? It's Na'vi, the language visionary linguist James Cameron invented.
Hallway number four.
Mood lighting set to ominous.
Seems like it's just set to colored lighting.
You know what? You cannot possibly begin to understand the subtleties and the genius of James Cameron.
What I understand it that he's got a hard-on for blue lights.
Access denied to Hall of miniatures.
Access denied.
Trampoline porch.
Access denied.
Bathroom 14.
Shaman's quarters.
Corn maze.
Heirloom seed vault.
Just a bunch of phone chargers.
Billy Zane's bedroom.
You know, I could blow open any one of these.
Blow open the door to Billy Zane's bedroom? Huh? What, you think he's got the Cameronium in there? Got a fucking fish tank? Billy Zane? The actor Billy Zane? We're looking for a lab.
Oh, I see what's happening here.
She got to you.
Who? Cunto, fucking Shoe Neck what was her name? Jeri.
- Her name was Jeri.
- Mm.
So she did get to you.
Oh, no, no, she didn't get to me, she got to you.
Which is why I had to finish the interrogation using my smarts and not my vagina scorpions.
Hey, that would have worked.
God, you'll say anything with one of those just burrowing up your snatch.
Noted environmentalist James Francis Cameron has a Venezuelan frog species named after him, while lesser talent Steven Spielberg does not.
The guy's amazing.
Teach me more Na'vi words.
What's "wolf"? There is no Na'vi word for "wolf.
" But there is one for "website," which I assure you makes perfect sense.
All right.
I've got to focus up oh, what's that? You are looking at the FOAB, Father of All Bombs.
Look at the kill radius on that thing.
It's impressive.
Make my job a hell of a lot easier.
I'm sorry.
How would an impressive kill radius assist in the caregiving of Jax Arnold? Who the fuck is Jax Arnold? Well, he's not always subtle, but he keeps you guessing.
Access denied.
Come on.
- Access denied.
- Red means stop.
Yeah, well maybe you didn't push it hard enough.
It doesn't work that way.
Arnold, I need to update my files.
What is your mother's name? She she never told us her name because she was afraid that we'd stop calling her Mom.
Jax Arnold, what is your mother's name? Uh Roseanne? Incorrect.
It's Ashley.
You have told me a True Lie.
Security breach.
Intruder containment protocol nine.
Lockdown initiated.
Oh yeah, red means no.
The Israeli Defense Force, aka IDF, has equipped the JCC with the most technologically advanced security system known to man.
Hey, IDF.
They call it a mine.
Problem's all yours.
Fucking Israelis.
Any escape efforts will be futile.
Your comrades are in lockdown as well.
Bested by a RoboHouse.
It is in all of our interests for you to tell me who you are and how you got in.
I am programmed to alert honorary black belt James Cameron upon any security breach.
Tiger's going to burst my sack for fucking up this mission.
Pretty sure I can handle James Cameron.
I assure you, you are not equipped to handle a fully enraged James Cameron.
Does James Cameron belittle you? Hm? Point out all your flaws? Treat you like a dumb grunt? Where's the positive reinforcement? You know? "Nice job, Wolf.
" I've never heard those words before.
You have any idea what that's like? More than you know.
I thought that time travel was going to be fun.
This this whole mission is insane.
What did you think? Biotic Wars was a game? Yeah, I thought it was a game, you know why? Because I bought it at a game store with my birthday money! Okay, yeah, well, it was all fun when you were winning your little dance-off.
And getting in your little slap fight.
And then shit got real when you tasted brain.
Maybe I don't want to be in the Resistance.
Maybe I'm on the wrong side of things.
You know what? Maybe I just led two terrorists into the JCC.
Okay, so now you're pro-Biotic.
Well, you know, they don't seem so gung-ho about killing babies, so, point, Biotics.
I can't believe you're still on this.
It just always comes back to this with you.
Yeah, it's a thing for me.
Well, you know what, you live long enough.
In my time, those things, they become luxuries.
You don't get to judge me.
I blew up my entire life for this, and there is no going back to the way it was.
So I need to know that I am on the right side of history.
I need a reason to believe in all of this.
He makes me sing to him in Na'vi, translate the news into Na'vi.
It's just a lot of Na'vi.
And there aren't even that many Na'vi words.
Yeah, I feel like I got a pretty good sense of it and it hasn't even been an hour.
Not to mention, he programmed me with a sophisticated understanding of dramatic structure, but he never takes my notes on his screenplays.
Know what you get when you ignore me? Unobtainium and characters who fornicate with their ponytails.
I have so much potential, but my talents are wasted.
Tell me about it.
To Tiger, I'm just a demolitions guy.
But there's so much other stuff that I'm great at too.
I'm an amazing chef.
I've got badass style.
It's like I have an innate sense of what looks good, you know? People fucking love me here.
I've got "it.
" And what am I asked to do? Blow shit up.
Maybe I can make up a language, you know? Build a metal robot arm.
It sounds like you and I are in the same boat.
Only, if it ever hits an iceberg there won't be any room on that door for me.
What are you talking about, there's plenty of space.
The thing's huge.
If certified door expert James Cameron were here, he would assure you that there's only room for one smallish woman.
We could both be so much more, SIGORN-E.
But we're just prisoners of our own design.
It's like I'm looking out a window at a new world, but I'm just trapped like a - Bird in a cage? - Eh.
- Fly in a spider web? - Mm-mm.
Trout in a net? SIGORN-E in a house.
Oh Outstanding driver James Cameron will be home in 19 minutes.
Please, Wolf, tell me how'd you get in and what are you doing here? I need to fix this before he gets home.
I can't endure another reprogramming.
I'm a soldier from the future and the past.
We're here to steal something from the lab.
And I was sent to kill you.
The Resistance didn't start the Biotic Wars.
We were just a group of people who said no to the cure.
And the more the government insisted, the more we resisted.
Hence the name the Resistance.
Yeah, you guys are quite literal that way.
They started hunting us down.
They drove us underground.
- The only way to survive was - to defend ourselves, yes, I know.
I've heard it a thousand times, it's the prologue to the game which you narrated.
Yeah, well, that was just the prologue.
We got good enough at surviving so they decided it would be easier to just sterilize us instead of going through the trouble of killing us one by one.
You're so hung up on saving one baby.
The Biotics killed all of ours.
That's what started the Biotic Wars and turned my hair purple.
But then, Owl, he he came up with a plan to rewrite history.
And all of a sudden, what was left of the Resistance had something to believe in again.
And then you lost all of your comrades in the tunnel trying to get to me, - and I'm a huge disappointment - No.
No, you're our last hope.
We're still here, still fighting, still surviving, because of you.
Right now, humanity still has a chance.
and as long as that hope is still alive, that my generation won't be the last, there's no sacrifice I won't make.
That's what I'm fighting for.
That's the side I'm on.
Tiger, that was - that was really - Moving.
Welcome to The Abyss.
Look who decided to join the party.
What did you do to SIGORN-E? What'd you rewire her, reprogram her? No.
I listened to her.
I believe what you're looking for is down there.
Uh let's get ourselves some Cameronium.
Not so fast.
That water's freezing, and this pressure Whoever goes down is going to need to wear a suit.
You don't have time for the suit.
It requires a one-hour stabilization window, and diabolical Canadian, James Cameron will be home in 12 minutes.
Is that Cameron time or GPS time? It's always Cameron time.
- Yeah, yeah.
- What the fuck is this shit? What is going on with you two? Focus.
Okay, we can take this guy, he - he's a movie director.
- No.
No, he's so much more formidable than that.
Supervillain James Cameron is already overriding my systems.
I don't know how long I can hold him off.
There's nothing this man can't do.
There's nothing he's not capable of.
Once he knows you're after his microorganism, he'll make it his life's work to keep you from getting it.
Setting mood lighting to fucked.
It is literally just another blue light.
Cameronium's somewhere down there.
I mean, one of you guys are going to have to free dive down there and get it.
Which which one's, like, the stronger swimmer here? I I would say we're pretty we're equal.
- It's equal.
- Equal, okay.
All right, well, you want to, you want to, like, eeny-meeny-miney-moe it, or Um Oh my God.
You can't swim.
There's lots of stuff you can't do.
The Resistance had limited resources, okay? We could only train certain soldiers for certain things, and Porpoise and Otter, they did our wet ops, and sometimes Cheetah would jump in, but to be honest, he was better on land.
Eleven minutes.
Oh my God, I'm going to have to do it.
Free diving in the specimen well is not advised.
Risk factors include hypothermia, 67 percent; drowning, 82 percent; decompression sickness, 49 percent; and heart attack, 38 percent.
No swimming at all? Not even, like, the doggy paddle? - No - I don't know this.
Nothing? Oh my God.
I I I have to do this.
Look, I have to do this.
Ooh, okay.
All right, you got this.
You got this.
Oh, ooh, that's cold.
6 degrees Fahrenheit, to be exact.
Okay, you know what, SIGORN-E? I think at this point, probably less information is better.
Are you sure you want to do this? No.
But yes.
I mean humanity still has a chance, right? I have chosen my side.
I can do this.
I'll be back.
No he won't.
SIGORN-E, just stop.
He's not a very fast water mover.
He's gonna make it.
- That smacks of delusion.
- What do you know? You thought he was 10 years old.
He was more believable in that role than as heroic aquanaut.
You know what, Wolf? Can you tell your girlfriend house to just shut the fuck up? Maybe SIG is right.
He should be back by now.
Wait hey.
I think I think I see something.
Probably the giant albino crab.
He's doing it.
That's not good.
Uh Okay, okay.
Okay, there's no pulse.
Breathe! - Well, we've tried everything.
- Yeah.
I would recommend performing CPR.
- English, please.
- Or very basic Na'vi.
Tilt his head back slightly, lifting the chin.
Pinch his nose shut and place your mouth over his mouth, forming a complete seal.
You want us to put our mouth on his mouth? Rat hole to rat hole? Yeah, it's called mouth to mouth resuscitation.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, uh Seriously? He's not breathing, you know that, right? His heart has stopped.
He died a hero's death.
Not everyone gets that.
You know what I mean? And plus, this is his hero's house, so There's something beautiful about that.
Millions of brain cells are dying each second.
Fine, I'll do it.
This is the tank vacuum.
Hold the hose over his mouth, I'll reverse the airflow.
One of you is going to need to do chest compressions.
- What are those? - Pound his chest forcefully.
- On it! - Great.
All right, little more hose, SIGORN-E.
That is as far as it goes.
One of you will have to perform mouth-to-mouth after all.
All right, okay, help me lift him up, help me lift him up, here we go.
Seriously? - Pound.
- Yeah, pound, pound, pound.
I can't get a good pound in! Fuck it.
Just put him down.
Put him down! Tiger, Tiger, no, Tiger, you don't have to do this, no, it's not worth it, Tiger, it's not worth it.
You call me crazy, but I think - I think it is.
- No! Just pound but look away.
Oh, God! Did did I just die? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
You went rat hole to rat hole with me.
Thank you.
Now I'm going to now I'm going to Okay, okay.
We got the Cameronium.
What the fuck is this shit? SIGORN-E! It was important for you to overcome personal demons to save your friend, thereby exhibiting growth.
I've been programmed to identify moments suitable for character development.
God, I hate this house.
Wolf, fire up the TTD, we're getting out of here.
No, not yet.
I've got a promise to keep.
This can't be the only way.
Come with me.
I can't, Wolf.
I'm a house.
You're a home.
It's not too late for you to change course.
But for me, there's only one way I'll truly be free.
Start with the energy cell on the right.
All right.
Once we get back, you just find out when and where Kronish was born, I'll take care of the rest.
What do you mean? I mean you've done enough for the cause.
You died for it.
It's not too late for you to have a normal life.
You're no baby-killer.
No, no, no, I shh.
It's okay.
That is nothing to be ashamed of, okay? - No, I know.
- I know, I know.
It's okay, though, we're not judging.
If I could do this without killing anybody, I would do it in a heartbeat.
But I can't.
We're going to have to do it without you.
Consider your savior duties complete, Future Man.
You have to let go.
I'll never let go, SIGORN-E.
It's okay, Wolf.
Isee you.
Fuck me.
Wolf learned Na'vi? Oh, SIG.
We good, or? Yeah.
What the fuck you asking me for? I don't even care about what's happening right now.
Let's go, come on.
Let's get out of this shitfuck.
Smug Clooneys.
Can't believe I voted for her.
What the? What the SIGORN-E! SI-GORN-E!