Future Man (2017) s02e04 Episode Script

Guess Who's Coming to Lunch

1 WOMAN: Previously on "Future Man" There's a power in you greater than any we've ever seen.
Welcome to the Pointed Circle.
'Cause this procedure will 100% kill him.
Kill him? [dramatic music] Hachi machi.
You used my biotic DNA to create the cure.
Made it so I destroyed humanity.
No, you saved it.
I still don't know who I am, or how I got this way.
I'm alone.
STU: Well, that's where you're wrong.
Tiger, Ty-Anne, my daughter.
- Here he is.
- Welcome back, Torque.
Which one of you cats am I married to? What did I say? Who did I offend? It's all of us, Torque.
You leaving again, Papa Torque? I was just going out to check on something, but it can wait.
["As Long As We Got Each Other" playing] MAN: Show me that smile again Don't waste another minute on your crying We're nowhere near the end The best is ready to begin Oh As long as we got each other We got the world spinning right in our hands Baby, you and me We gotta be The luckiest dreamers Who never quit dreaming As long as we keep on giving We can take anything that comes our way Baby, rain or shine All the time We got each other Sharing the laughter and love [Arabesque orchestral music] Ow.
[gasping] [panting] Oh! [grunting] The fuck am I? [gasping] It's so hot.
Water plant? Yeah.
The water table! Fuck, who am I kidding? Come on, it's just pee.
Oh, shit.
God damn it.
This is life or death.
This is life or death.
People do this all the time, all right? This is this is "127 Hours," this is those those Chilean miners.
Okay, uh, who else? No! No, no, no! Please, no! No, no, no! No! [cries] Come on.
[cries] I have one question, and just one question only.
Robot or clone? - Honey - One of them's gonna make me really angry, and the other one's gonna be fine.
[laughs] I don't care anymore.
Okay, so if you didn't sign anything, you're free to go.
I hereby release you! Go.
[disquieting futuristic music] If you wanted to impress me, you should've just gotten a motorcycle, and then just drove it off a cliff.
[laughs] Just kidding.
I love you, Daaaaaaa! - And - [door slams] There it is.
[sighs] [laughs] Our relationship is complicated.
What else did you do with that purple hair, Stu? I only created a super cure to cure all diseases.
That that's it, I swear.
And how do you explain that abomination? Well, you can imagine my surprise when 34 years ago, a baby with your exact DNA popped up in a birthing pod outside of New Bakersfield.
She came from a pod? Has has no one told you where babies come from? Of course I know about pods.
I'm not an idiot.
I just you know, who supplied the baby juice? Um Ty-Anne's parents were soldiers who were killed in the year 100 of the Cure Wars, so her pod, unclaimed, was scheduled for termination.
This would've been legal back then, because it was within the eighth trimester.
This was back when people thought that pod life began in the 14th trimester.
Course, now, we know, it's Holy fucking shit, get to the point.
[sighs] You saved my life.
I thought this was my chance to save your life, or what I thought was your life.
So that's me from this timeline.
I pictured, uh, different.
I'm sorry.
I this this is a crazy idea.
I I thought you were looking for some connection, and she needs still trying to figure that out.
Don't blame yourself.
Growing up, the only parent I had was a damp pole I called "Mother.
" I turned out fine.
[sighs] Hey, will you at least stay for lunch? TY-ANNE: Dad, no! [upbeat music] So, uh, how you liking those collards? Yeah, it's missing lard and ham hocks.
I know.
I'm sorry.
The last pig passed away 74 years ago.
His name was Percival.
He was my friend.
[laughs] Honey, I really wish you wouldn't reality-bounce at the table.
You said I had to come.
You didn't say I had to talk.
This how every meal is? TY-ANNE: I'm sorry, no, I'm it's just it's it's a little weird, okay? The time-traveling version of me shows up, and your first instinct is lunch? Yeah, yeah, it's weird.
Okay, so you both agree on something.
This is it's weird.
BOTH: Okay, settle down.
[mysterious music] Huh.
Does your does your elbow do this? [rapid popping sound] Your knee? - Can you do this? - [popping sounds] STU: Ah, no.
Ah, that's your juvenile arthritis talking.
Luckily, the gravity on Mars is only 38% of what it is here.
TY-ANNE: Ooh, that's such a fun fact, Dad.
I'm not going to Mars.
[laughs] She loves to dangle that, but she is definitely coming.
She's gonna come.
Over my dead body.
Yeah, your body will be dead if you do not come to Mars - with every other human being.
- Mm.
STU: She did the same thing with her semester abroad at Mons Barcelona.
But somebody ended up loving it.
Mm, I liked the tapas.
Wait, so there's more of these nerd farms? I call them self-sufficient energy-neutral proto-colonies.
- So many words.
- [laughs] But they are everywhere.
All over the world.
And unfortunately, he's at every one.
You should see how boxy he looks in a kimono.
Sometimes, I wish I had a time machine.
No, you don't wish you saw anything that I've seen.
Wolf and I are lucky that we're even alive in this time.
Wolf? What's, uh, her deal? He's a man in the NAG.
My demolitions expert.
Oh, well, th that's dangerous work.
Is is he missing a hand, or or two? Uh an eye? There must be some heavy scarring.
No, no, he's got both hands, and just just enough scars to make him look like a man - who's really lived.
- STU: Oh, so he's he's an elderly fellow, like a like a Grandpa Wolf? No, he's a a muscular 35.
[uneasy music] Don't know why you had to say "muscular," but okay.
Oh my god.
You're into her! I am not! I'm just making lunch conversation.
You don't want us to get to know each other.
You just want to stick your ghost-dick in my time-twin.
[whining sound] Ew, Dad, you're so weird.
You guys have a great relationship.
Working on it.
WOLF: Another wheel, another deal.
PUMP: Cha-ching.
Wow, looks like the jar is full.
- Yep.
- Guess we should, uh, shut the business down, go our separate ways until we run out of chits.
Oh, no, you don't stop working when the jar is full.
You get another jar.
[rustic flute music] Is this one of the things I should be writing down? No, you no, you don't need to write it down, son.
You just need to breathe it in.
Look, we're not soldiers locked in some intractable conflict, blowing up laboratories and risking our lives to save humanity.
We're doing something better.
Making wheels.
Take it for a spin.
Wheel-come to the store.
How can we torque you? Gah! Idiot! Take it easy, son.
You gotta walk before you roll.
See, see, that makes sense.
What you looking for, friend? One wheel, please.
Making a barrow.
A wheelbarrow? Oh, no, don't tell me you're still barrowing.
Still barrowing? What else is there? Well, if you're still using a wheelbarrow, you're steering yourself onto a dead-end street.
Isn't that right, Pump? What do I say? Look, turn toward the horizon.
Imagine the sound of your wheel crunching the crisp dirt alongside what's that? Three other wheels.
[hopeful orchestral music] Wagon.
See, barrows, they get stuck in every rut, pothole, crevice, cranny, crater, and crag.
You make a wagon, that wheel gets stuck, well, it's got three pals to help pull him right out of there.
Yeah, we're providers, right? How'd you like to have three pals providing just as much as you? Sure would take the pressure off.
Oh, boy.
But I make barrows.
I'm Clamp Barrowmaker.
Oh, no, see, all I hear is "Clamp" and "maker.
" The rest is up to you.
MAN: Got 'em right here! Ooh, sure wish I had that wagon right about now.
You will soon, Clamp Wagonmaker.
[laughs] [sighs] PUMP: Mm! Oh.
I know.
[sweeping orchestral music] VOICE: Josh.
Josh! Jesus? Oh.
I was so happy to see you.
Could you maybe turn some of this sand into some wine, and then maybe turn some of that wine into some water? I really need help.
- Josh.
- Yeah? You will go to the Dagobah system.
Dagobah? There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi master who instructed me.
Yoda? Oh.
I'm dying.
[dramatic music] Oh, God.
I'm saved.
Please, you gotta You gotta you gotta help me out here.
Oh, yeah, I'll help you, you filthy Stray.
Huh? [exhales deeply] DR.
AHMADI: Better now? I guess.
Maybe it is weird that I have feelings for a woman who's the genetic copy of my own daughter.
Your adopted daughter.
Yeah, but Ty-Anne's right.
It's it's not normal.
You've talked a lot about what Ty-Anne thinks, more proof of what a loving and attentive father figure you are, but what about what you think? I I don't know.
I mean, let's say you love the Counting Crows, and they break up, and then the fan site, Crows Nest, says that they're never gonna get back together again, and you accept that.
That'd be a tough pill to swallow.
I'm a Duritz-head, through and through.
So you adopt a Counting Crows cover band and you raise it as your own, and you love her, and when she plays "Mr.
Jones," it's it's almost like the real thing, and then the real Crows get back together.
You're gonna go see 'em, right? I'm logging on to ticketmaster.
com right now.
You get it.
But it's it's still weird.
Stu, I need to reset your compass.
It's not weird one bit.
Sure, they have the same DNA, but they're from different planes of existence.
But I raised her since she was a baby! Oh, so back in 2017, did you go on a date with a baby? [laughs] No.
Seeing Tiger and Ty-Anne as the same person is narrow-minded, and, if you don't mind me saying, a little racist.
You know, sometimes, you're too human, Stu.
Oh, my Maybe I should just patch my software, get rid of all my flaws and insecurities, and ascend to a higher plane of consciousness as an all-knowing, all-powerful super-being.
[tender music] No, no.
That's the easy way out.
That's the Stu I'm inside.
Fuck, yeah.
What you working on over there, buddy? Just a dream.
I was thinking, you know the way you turned that, uh, wheelbarrow into a wheel-wagon? - Yeah.
- What if we took a bicycle and added, like, a bunch more wheels? I added six more wheels.
That looks like that big wheel back there is not even touching the ground.
I know.
It's purely decorative, and it was a dumb idea, - but I just - I love it.
[tender music] What? Yeah.
There's beauty in its impracticality.
[laughs] Just like this place.
New, brimming with hope and possibility, like a young foal: wobbly on its legs, but destined for greatness, to be a thoroughbred.
[dramatic music] WOMAN: Get out, Stray! Filthy Strays! - [grunts] - Ooh! [gasps] Yes! A rock to the face! Why are you smiling, Binx? Ow.
This pain is the price of freedom.
We're literally in chains.
The chains of freedom! This is the first step toward becoming a part of this amazing community! You're here voluntarily? Well, of course I am.
I come to these rocky shores a lowly Stray, weave my way into the fabric of this great society, can have a Cluster of my own, so that one day, my children and my children's children they can be the ones throwing rocks.
I don't know, man.
That's a pretty fucked-up dream.
I'm pretty sure Cramble over here is already dead.
MAN: Get out of here! [people talking] Oh, what's going on out there? Fresh batch of Strays are gonna be browned in.
What's wrong with them? What what crime did they commit? The worst crime of all: not being born here.
They think they can just sneak into the NAG, get an easy ride off our hard work, and steal our jobs.
They're lazy and they want to work? Yeah, that's right.
But I got a basket of giant rocks just for this.
That doesn't really make Citizens of the NAG! These Strays were caught sniffing around our borders.
They come from the wastelands of Malibu, the volcanoes of Catalina, and the Valley.
ALL: Boo! They tried to sneak into our above-ground paradise, live amongst us, eat our beans, Sow in our circles, contribute to our society! Well, what do we say to that? ALL: Not yet! That's right! Can just anybody live here? ALL: No! Can Bio-Techs live here? ALL: No! [disquieting music] [shudders] Say it with me.
If your pants make brown ALL: Welcome to our town! And if your pants stay dry ALL: You're gonna die! MAN: Eat the shroom! God, sewer mushrooms.
- WOMAN: Eat it! - WOMAN: Mushroom! Binx, we're about to shit ourselves, and it's gonna be bad.
It's gonna be great.
- WOMAN: Yeah! - CROWD: Mushroom! SCREW: [cackles] Come on, Torque.
Let's get past the splash zone.
If someone fails the Bio-Tech test, we gotta be part of the slaughter mob.
[dramatic music] JOSH: Oh, God, please don't please don't don't [sputters] Yeah! [all cheer] Futturman.
[knocking] Mm, knock denied! [laughs] You're not even allowed here, Dad! Uh, it's me.
I mean, you, or whatever.
Can I come in? Fine.
Just tell Dad I'm not coming out.
Right, yeah, he's he's not out here.
That's weird.
Usually, when I storm off like that, he's lurking in the hallway, begging for my forgiveness.
Why? Can't he just, like, walk through the door? [laughs] He wishes.
We made a deal when I was 15 that I would stop wearing napple-dazzlers and he would take my room off the grid so that I could become a woman in private.
Nice, uh, pantlets.
They're jorts.
I made them.
I design all my own clothes that only I wear because everyone else is wearing those stupid jumpsuits, just running around the Mons, banking energy like a bunch of solar sheep.
Yeah, they do look pretty stupid.
You know, um, back in the '50s, I used to, uh, mend my own socks.
A pretty nimble darning stitch right there.
- That's some nice needlework.
- Yeah.
Wait, uh, is this wool? - Yeah.
- I have never seen wool before.
You could actually you could have them if mean if you want.
They're all yours.
Mm, I see what you're doing.
[laughs] You have a time machine.
You could survive literally anywhere, any place, any time, but you're here, looking for a home.
[melancholy music] M-maybe.
TY-ANNE: Come on, Tiger.
If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? Wolf? [gasps] He doesn't know the truth about you, does he? He just he wouldn't understand.
The plan wasn't to come back to a world like this, but if you're here, and you're not that bad, then, well, it's easier for me to imagine a home here.
[laughs] This home's taken.
Nobody wants you here, so why don't you leave and take your smelly socks with you? [disquieting music] [starts] Hey, you slept through the hose-off.
Oh, you must have really been out of it, because that water was cold and hard.
Oh, God.
I gotta get out of here.
Wolf! I had to wait till after the hose-down.
Meet me around back.
Just him.
Spoink, huh? Oh, yeah, I remember that game.
You gotta go in low and hard.
Otherwise, you get out-spoinked every time.
You're focusing on the wrong thing here, Wolf! I was kidnapped by time terrorists.
They're gonna start a war.
I'm scared, I'm dying, I haven't had any water yet! That's a lot of breath for a dying man.
MAN: Hey, Torque, nice wagon! Oh, hey.
My daughter loved that bean cake you dropped by.
- MAN: Oh, yeah? - My hubby Lathe could learn a thing or two - from your Funnel.
- [man laughs] Fuck is happening? [upbeat rustic music] Here you go.
All right.
Okay, so you're Torque now, and and you have a family, and a small business.
F how many years you been here? Oh, I think I'm going on three days? Days.
And, uh, it's called a Cluster, not a family.
Once the wagon boom hits, this business is gonna be anything but small.
God, shit.
Too good for bean juice, are you? I thought you were dying.
Wolf, is anything normal? Please, I'm I'm begging you.
Oh, man, I'm sorry, buddy.
Come here.
Come here.
I know being terror-snatched probably isn't the best way for this to come about, but I'm I'm happy to see you.
[tender music] Wolf, I'm barely hanging on.
Do you have anything to drink besides bean juice? Oh.
I could probably rustle up some All-Nut milk.
I'm allergic to nuts.
[sighs] I gotta do it.
[inhales deeply] [sniffs] You got it, bud.
It's very bean-forward.
Yeah, makes sense.
Get all of it there.
Oh, you left just a little bit right there.
Actually, it's quite a lot.
Uh, where is Tiger? I don't know.
Your guess is as good as mine.
[sighs] She left me here to recover.
She's probably off doing recon or something.
You guys haven't seen each other since you've been back? Yeah, well, I was shot up pretty good, and turns out, I have this pretty complicated life here, so You mean Torque does.
Me, Torque, same diff.
Look, I I got six mouths to feed, five spouses to satisfy, and a daughter whose artistic ambitions I'm trying to nurture.
Also, there's my plucky apprentice, Pump, who I'm helping through some confidence issues.
JOSH: Literally none of your fake you problems mean anything right now.
We need to find Tiger and go back and un-fuck this timeline.
Listen to me.
You can't leave the NAG.
There are rules.
People watching your every move.
This place is on lockdown.
There is no way anyone is getting out or in.
TIGER: Wolf.
Pack your shit.
We're leaving.
Oh, you're not dead.
You can come, too.
Let's go.
Guess she figured it out.
[dramatic electronic music]