Gabby Duran & The Unsittables (2019) s01e08 Episode Script

It's Christmas, Gabby Duran

1 (thwacks) (crashes) Who's ready for our first Christmas in Havensburg? Where my elves at? Head elf reporting for duty.
- (Gabby grunts) - (Olivia laughs) Gabby! All over the house.
(theme song playing) Oh, yeah I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle Fit in like summer and an icicle Don't fight it, Just be an original Ooh ooh ooh I've always stayed outside the lines When I try to stay in it's no surprise It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind One of a, one of a kind So anytime I feel some type of way Don't understand the human race So what, so what, so what I do my thing, I do my thing You do your thing, You do your thing When we don't fit in We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud I do my thing, I do my thing I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in Mm-hmm, I do my thing I changed the lyrics a little bit, but, your part's still the same.
Olivia: I'm really glad we're practicing before Dad gets here.
I'm feeling pretty good about the "fas.
" The "la-la-las," not so much.
Are you kidding me? Dad's gonna love this.
It's the perfect gift for a man visiting his kids and ex-wife for the holidays.
Now, let's blow some Christmas cheer in the mirrors.
- Mom, you ready? - Ready! Gabby: Then hit it! (laughs) Check the halls all dressed in holly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Dust your shoulders if you're jolly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Fam's all here, peep our apparel Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la As I bust my Christmas carol All: Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la See the blazing yule before us - Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la - Blah, blah, blah.
Now my mom will sing the chorus Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la All: Follow me in merry measure Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la Droppin' knowledge is my pleasure All: Fa-la-la-la-la Both: La-la-la-la (sighs) Aah! (Laughs) The Christmas sisters are on a whole other level.
I love it.
What can I say? The Durans always do Christmas right.
And all finished.
- Ha.
- (beeps) - (energy surges) - (grunts) (grunts) Jeremy! Oh.
What is going on? My traps are working perfectly.
That's what's going on.
White Beard won't know what hit him.
Oh, Jeremy.
We've been through this.
White Beard the Starkiller is just a legend.
That's what I used to think.
- Computer! - (surges) (sighs) Every Gor-Mon knows the tale of White Beard the Starkiller.
Yes, yes.
The evil alien overlord who visits children once a year.
And distracts them with presents so that he may suck their life force and remain immortal forever.
And he wears a red coat because it brings out his eyes.
An old Gor-Monite wives' tale designed to dissuade children from wanting presents.
That's all.
Oh, really? Then how do you explain this? - (sighs) - A white-bearded creature in a red coat who visits every Earth child once a year and gives them presents? - It's White Beard.
- Oh, Jeremy, you're being absurd.
Earth Santa is not White Beard.
He's jolly.
Oh, you simple man.
White Beard must have feasted on your life force as a child.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a bunch more traps to set.
(grumbling) Oh, Jeremy! You forgot to unfreeze me.
Gabby, look.
I found Dad's old reindeer hat.
Nice.
The ghost of Christmas past.
Okay.
Final piece.
(exhales) Perfecto.
- And now - Shouldn't we wait for Dad? We never do that part without him.
We could wait for Dad.
Or we could show him how the gingerbread students have become the gingerbread masters.
(music box plays "We Wish You a Merry Christmas") (cell phone buzzing, jingling) - It's Dad.
- Both: Dad! Hey.
How are my favorite Christmas sisters? Hangin' holly, being jolly.
Hey, check this out.
Whoa.
Is that a fully-lit and automated gingerbread house back there? Looks like the gingerbread students have become the gingerbread masters.
Huh.
That's what I said.
Bruce: Look, girls, I don't know how to say this.
I'm actually calling from the airport.
I'm laid over in Chicago.
It's a whiteout blizzard here.
No flights in or out.
What are you saying? I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it in time for Christmas.
But we always have Christmas together.
It's not Christmas without all of us.
Liv, wait! (crashing) - (panting) - (running footsteps) Gabby: Dad, gotta call you back.
- (door closes) - (exhales sharply) (knocking) Hey.
Want to finish the Christmas sister stockings? Move the Elf on the Shelf to mess with Mom? It's still Christmas, right? It's not Christmas without Dad.
I wish I could help, Liv.
But It's not like I could just make Dad magically appear.
Hmm.
Swifty! - (door closes) - Oh, Gabby.
Uh, what are you doing here? How would you like to save Christmas? By becoming my dad? Thanks for doing this.
Never seen Olivia this sad before.
Normally I wouldn't take part in such foolishness.
But it was either this or spend the day trying to escape ridiculous booby traps.
So, here we are.
Okay.
But we only have about an hour before Christmas Eve dinner.
So if I'm gonna teach you how to "Dad," we've gotta hurry.
First, let me show you a photo.
- (beeps) -(chuckles) Hold on.
I have it.
- (scoffs) Dang it.
- Principal Swift: Oh.
Human technology.
It's little watching an otter try to start a fire.
- Computer.
- (beeping) Scan these photos of Bruce Duran, and create a composite image.
(beeping) (energy surging) (gasps) Whoa.
Cool.
So, yeah.
It's my dad.
Laid back.
Really fun.
(chuckles) Goofy smile.
Principal Swift: Quite the impressive physical specimen.
He gets me.
But, he also gets Olivia.
He even learned German just to speak with her.
Ooh.
Wunderbar.
And this manly man wore that hat.
(laughs) No doubt to disguise himself while hunting prey.
No.
He wore the hat because he's full of Christmas spirit.
(chuckles) We haven't seen my dad much since we moved this year.
That's why it's even more important that he be there today.
You know, to make the holidays feel special for me.
I mean, Olivia.
This isn't about me.
My dad's nickname for my mom? Dean or Queen Dean.
Wait.
Olivia's best subject in school? (sighs) Trick question.
All of them.
Relax yourself, Gabby.
I am here to save Christmas.
Do you have the DNA sample? Well.
(squishing) Wow.
Check me out.
I am a marvel.
- Gabby, are you seeing these gains? - (Gabby groans) Please stop caressing my father's muscles like that.
- It's creeping me out.
- Right.
All right.
Here goes nothing.
Look who I found! Bruce! What a surprise.
Hello, Dina Duran.
Who I affectionately call Dean and or Queen Dean.
I've arrived.
It is a Christmas miracle.
Wow, handshake.
Uh, you've gotten formal all of a sudden.
- Ooh.
- (Gabby laughs) - Um - Hey.
Um, well, I, I thought you were snowed in.
It melted.
Weird stuff.
Global warming, huh? Olivia! Dad's here! Dad! (chuckles) (speaking German) My beautiful grandma? Dad, did your German get way worse? Don't use it, you lose it.
That's what I always say.
Uh, hey, let's go do something else.
In English.
- Come on.
- Dina: Oh.
Hey.
Thanks for letting me hide out here.
I couldn't sing "Jingle Bells" one more time.
My parents' annual carol-a-thon is getting really out of hand.
Speaking of hands, what is up with these finger-less gloves? I mean, the fingers are the coldest part.
They need the glove the most.
If anything, they should make palm-less gloves.
You know? Whoa.
(energy shimmering) Yep.
I've been setting some traps.
Okay, so, Santa being an alien makes so much sense.
- Right? - But there's no way he's evil.
Santa? That's guy's brought me so many festive socks over the years.
- He's a sweetie.
- Nope.
Soul-sucking monster.
This jolly old elf? Check out those cheeks.
They're so rosy.
I'm telling you, he's an evil overlord.
And when I catch him, I'm gonna prove it to you.
Uh, I'm pretty sure when I catch him, I'm gonna prove it to you.
We're gonna need more traps.
Things are going okay in algebra.
But what I want is a challenge.
Human algebra is primitive.
That's what I said.
Here.
Let me show you.
Okay.
- So, it's a single variable.
- (squishing) Olivia: And basically, you just solve for X.
What do you think, Dad? Olivia, why don't you show Dad that new trophy you won.
Probably.
Ooh.
Which one? English, math, science, or karate? Never mind.
I'll get all of them.
What is that? (gasps) (squishing) I don't know! My, well, his body feels like it's breaking apart.
I can't seem to hold structural integrity.
(gasps) Does your father dye his hair? Yeah, he kind of went through a crisis after Olivia was born.
Ha! That must be it.
The hair is so processed that its molecular structure was compromised.
I need another DNA sample if I'm going to hold his shape.
But where am I gonna get another sample of his DNA? Dina: Hey, Bruce.
(squishing) Oh! (panting) - Can I talk to you for a sec? - (blows) It'd be so much easier if you were really here, Dad.
I really appreciate you being here.
It means a lot to the girls.
Not everybody would spend seven hours on a plane to spend Christmas at their ex-wife's house.
So, thank you.
(squishing) - I -(chuckles) Oh, Bruce.
Why Bruce: I'm just overcome by the yuletide spirit.
(squishing) (gasps) - All right.
(Chuckles) - Uh, hey, Mom.
Did you say Olivia could cut up your favorite green dress to make puppets, because - That's what she's doing.
Mm-hmm.
- What? - Quick.
Eat this tooth.
- Is that what humans do for Christmas? Because it is unspeakably savage.
It's my dad's.
It's the DNA we need.
You keep your father's old teeth? It got knocked out when he was teaching me how to play hockey.
It's a long story, but very sweet.
Now eat it.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm-mm-mm mm.
(crunching) Mm.
(gulps) (squishing) Oh.
(hat whooshes, then thuds) (exhales) - Olivia wasn't in there.
- I found my trophies.
Uh, why don't we all just talk about something else.
Eh? Candles all aglow They shine so bright across the snow And church bells ring and bugles play ' Cause Santa's on his way - - There's something in the air -(shimmering) Season's joy is everywhere And sleigh bells ring on his Christmas sleigh When Santa's on his way Just climb on board and go man go Let the sleigh bells ring and the music play 'Cause Santa's On his way (instrumental "Silent Night" plays) Dina: Come on, Gabby! (Olivia giggling) (Dina and Olivia giggling) Gabby, come join us.
Wow.
This looks real.
Like Really real.
Ah, well, if that was a jab at my cooking, - I really do not appreciate it.
- (chuckles) Look, I even made your abuela's hallacas.
Oh.
(Chuckles softly) Gabby, let me take a pic of you and Dad.
Oh.
You did it, Gabby.
You faked a very nice Christmas.
I, for one, am having an excellent time.
Yeah.
Nice.
Smile.
(camera shutter clicks) Well, I just want to say thank you, everyone, for making this the perfect first Christmas in Havensburg.
We might not have a traditional family, but I love the family we have.
Anyone else have anything they want to say? Gabby? I'm just glad everyone's here.
Because that's what Christmas is about, right? Family.
Your real, live family.
All gathered around.
And it's also about presents! - (laughs softly) - Dina: Okay, before we eat, Bruce, the girls have a special little gift they want to perform for you.
Oh.
- I'll go get the karaoke machine.
- Mom, no.
(distorted): Yeah, Gabby.
Let's do it.
For Dad.
Don't be shy.
Your dad will love it.
Yes, Gabby.
Do it for me.
Dear old Dad.
- (distorted chattering) - No! It isn't for you! It's for my real dad! This isn't Christmas at all! (whimpers) - (crashing) - (shattering) - (gasps) - (Gabby whimpers) (panting) - (knocking) - (door opens) (sighs) If you don't want to talk to your dad, you can talk to me.
Or if you don't want to talk to me, there's a turkey in the tree you can talk to.
- (chuckles lightly) - Your pick.
It's just I I miss Dad.
So let me get this straight.
You miss your father.
But you don't want to spend time with him while he's here in the house? I, I can't explain, exactly.
(sighs) Look, mija, I know since the divorce and the move, you and Olivia haven't seen your dad a lot.
And it's been hard for the both of you.
But that's all the more reason you should make the most of the time you do have together.
What do you say we go downstairs and have a good rest of the day.
Hmm? - (laughs softly) - (Dina chuckles) (kisses) (clicks) Well, that's the last trap.
Now we wait for that soul-sucking monster to step into our web.
Again, not a soul-sucking monster.
Total sweetie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm feeling really good about all the decisions we made today.
(doorbell rings) Oh, man.
Pizza's here.
(laughs) (exhales) (energy shimmering) (pants) - (doorbell rings) - So How badly do we want this pizza? Dude, it's pizza.
You're right.
Let's do this.
- (thuds) - Oh! - (thuds) - Ow! - (crackling) - (grunting) (crackling) (energy firing) (grunting) Oh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! - (both screaming) - (crackling, shattering) Wanna finish the Christmas sister stockings? Move the Elf on the Shelf to mess with Mom and Dad? For my Christmas sister? Sure.
(doorbell rings) Gabby! You'll never believe it.
- There was one plane leaving Chicago.
- Dina: Gabby? And I got the last seat.
I - Dina: Who's there? - Uh, nobody.
Salesman.
I'll tell him to get lost.
Just give me five minutes.
Love you.
So glad you're here.
I Gabby: I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about before.
I realize this isn't the first time in my life I've had to say this, but I should not have thrown that turkey.
Olivia: We get it.
The holidays can be hard.
So I have a proposal.
What if we start the day all over? A Christmas Eve reset, like nothing's happened today at all.
Yeah.
I think that sounds perfect.
Seems like you need this.
I'm in.
And Dad, a moment of your time.
Thanks for helping.
Really appreciate it.
But my real dad's here, so, don't need you anymore.
- Merry Christmas.
Goodbye.
- Ooh.
But I was just starting to feel the Christmas spirit! (exhales) Okay.
So here's the plan.
Dad's gonna come back in through the front door, and we're gonna pretend like he just got here.
Everybody got it? It's a Christmas redo.
- Welcome, Dad.
For the first time.
- (Bruce chuckles) I sense some Gabby D.
Hijinks going on here.
But I'm gonna roll with it.
Merry Christmas, guys.
(softly): Hey.
- My little girls.
- (laughs) Wait, did you change your outfit? Sorry, do I smell? I mean, I've been in this for 52 hours since Miami.
Seriously, Mom.
Don't grill the guy.
He's had a long day.
Now, who's ready to celebrate Christmas? Oh, I know I am.
I thought I was gonna have to be alone for Christmas.
Could you imagine? Hold up.
I'll be back in a sec.
- Hey, kiddo.
- (Dina laughing) Swifty! Hold up! Hey.
I was wondering, any chance you would want to join me and my family for Christmas? You know.
As yourself.
Well, I was going to go to the gym, because being in your father's body has made me rather insecure about my physique.
- (chuckles) - But, that sounds quite good, as well.
(Gabby chuckles) Well, we set off all the traps in the house.
So I guess there's nothing to stop White Beard from sucking my life force now.
Or, there's nothing to stop Santa from being a total sweetie and giving you presents.
Only time will tell.
Either way, I got to spend the day setting killer booby traps and eating pizza.
Isn't that what Christmas is all about? It is now, buddy.
It is now.
Eh, maybe you're right.
Santa's probably not really an evil alien overlord, anyways.
(evil deep voice): Ho, ho, ho Check the halls all dressed in holly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Dust your shoulders if you're jolly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Fam's all here, peep our apparel Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la As I bust my Christmas carol Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Principal Swift: Next time on "Gabby Duran and the Unsittables" I found out humans have something called birthdays, and Principal said I couldn't have one.
Gabby: We're gonna throw you the best birthday party ever.
Ew, gross Give me that! - Banish her! - Wait! (all yelling) Jeremy! Let me back in! Man: Gorgeous.
I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle Fit in like summer and an icicle Don't fight it, just be an original Ooh, ooh, ooh I do my thing, I do my thing I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in Mm-hmm, I do my thing - (knocking) - (door opens) (sighs) If you don't want to talk to your dad, you can talk to me.
Or if you don't want to talk to me, there's a turkey in the tree you can talk to.
- (chuckles lightly) - Your pick.
It's just I I miss Dad.
So let me get this straight.
You miss your father.
But you don't want to spend time with him while he's here in the house? I, I can't explain, exactly.
(sighs) Look, mija, I know since the divorce and the move, you and Olivia haven't seen your dad a lot.
And it's been hard for the both of you.
But that's all the more reason you should make the most of the time you do have together.
What do you say we go downstairs and have a good rest of the day.
Hmm? - (laughs softly) - (Dina chuckles) (kisses) (clicks) Well, that's the last trap.
Now we wait for that soul-sucking monster to step into our web.
Again, not a soul-sucking monster.
Total sweetie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm feeling really good about all the decisions we made today.
(doorbell rings) Oh, man.
Pizza's here.
(laughs) (exhales) (energy shimmering) (pants) - (doorbell rings) - So How badly do we want this pizza? Dude, it's pizza.
You're right.
Let's do this.
- (thuds) - Oh! - (thuds) - Ow! - (crackling) - (grunting) (crackling) (energy firing) (grunting) Oh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! - (both screaming) - (crackling, shattering) Wanna finish the Christmas sister stockings? Move the Elf on the Shelf to mess with Mom and Dad? For my Christmas sister? Sure.
(doorbell rings) Gabby! You'll never believe it.
- There was one plane leaving Chicago.
- Dina: Gabby? And I got the last seat.
I - Dina: Who's there? - Uh, nobody.
Salesman.
I'll tell him to get lost.
Just give me five minutes.
Love you.
So glad you're here.
I Gabby: I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about before.
I realize this isn't the first time in my life I've had to say this, but I should not have thrown that turkey.
Olivia: We get it.
The holidays can be hard.
So I have a proposal.
What if we start the day all over? A Christmas Eve reset, like nothing's happened today at all.
Yeah.
I think that sounds perfect.
Seems like you need this.
I'm in.
And Dad, a moment of your time.
Thanks for helping.
Really appreciate it.
But my real dad's here, so, don't need you anymore.
- Merry Christmas.
Goodbye.
- Ooh.
But I was just starting to feel the Christmas spirit! (exhales) Okay.
So here's the plan.
Dad's gonna come back in through the front door, and we're gonna pretend like he just got here.
Everybody got it? It's a Christmas redo.
- Welcome, Dad.
For the first time.
- (Bruce chuckles) I sense some Gabby D.
Hijinks going on here.
But I'm gonna roll with it.
Merry Christmas, guys.
(softly): Hey.
- My little girls.
- (laughs) Wait, did you change your outfit? Sorry, do I smell? I mean, I've been in this for 52 hours since Miami.
Seriously, Mom.
Don't grill the guy.
He's had a long day.
Now, who's ready to celebrate Christmas? Oh, I know I am.
I thought I was gonna have to be alone for Christmas.
Could you imagine? Hold up.
I'll be back in a sec.
- Hey, kiddo.
- (Dina laughing) Swifty! Hold up! Hey.
I was wondering, any chance you would want to join me and my family for Christmas? You know.
As yourself.
Well, I was going to go to the gym, because being in your father's body has made me rather insecure about my physique.
- (chuckles) - But, that sounds quite good, as well.
(Gabby chuckles) Well, we set off all the traps in the house.
So I guess there's nothing to stop White Beard from sucking my life force now.
Or, there's nothing to stop Santa from being a total sweetie and giving you presents.
Only time will tell.
Either way, I got to spend the day setting killer booby traps and eating pizza.
Isn't that what Christmas is all about? It is now, buddy.
It is now.
Eh, maybe you're right.
Santa's probably not really an evil alien overlord, anyways.
(evil deep voice): Ho, ho, ho Check the halls all dressed in holly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Dust your shoulders if you're jolly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Fam's all here, peep our apparel Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la As I bust my Christmas carol Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Principal Swift: Next time on "Gabby Duran and the Unsittables" I found out humans have something called birthdays, and Principal said I couldn't have one.
Gabby: We're gonna throw you the best birthday party ever.
Ew, gross Give me that! - Banish her! - Wait! (all yelling) Jeremy! Let me back in! Man: Gorgeous.