Gadget Man (2012) s03e07 Episode Script

Cooking and Dining Out

1 Hello, I'm known in the heady world of show business by my stage name, Richard Ayoade, and although I've safely made it about halfway through my natural life with little to no incident, it has been very tiring.
That's why I've embarked on a selfless crusade I look like Rocky.
to discover whether the very latest technology Look at that.
can take the flaming hassle out of our day-to-day grind.
It's pretty good.
Pretty good.
And what is today's unfathomable quest, I rhetorically ask? Let's hope there's not a smoke alarm.
Me and assorted others will attempt to get food into our joint gobs, strife free.
That tastes good.
And that's done just by electricity? So, imagine a food-based pun that I could have said but haven't and keep that in your mind as I grasp your laughing face and lead you to Planet Gadget.
I won't eat anything else.
It literally keeps me alive.
Ironically, I have no beef with food.
No, the thing that makes me fly into wanton fury is cooking the food.
It's dull, messy, emotionally draining and always violent.
But can the finest gadgets ease the pain of preparing a repast? I shall find out.
I'm going to start with eggs, as ever.
And I'm going to use the cutting edge of tech.
it's the Egg Yolk Plucker.
Let's get involved.
It is one of my personal bugbears.
Separating egg yolk from white.
I've lost days.
A small squeeze of the Plucker creates a partial vacuum, strong enough to wrest the yolk from white.
Which brings us to waffles.
I insist on fashioning my waffles using a Dutch made waffle chair, combining four legs with two irons.
Because what every home needs is a scalding hot chair.
Especially around children.
While the waffles cook, it's bacon time.
The Discovery Thermal Circulator heats water to the perfect temperature and pumps it round the pan to cook meat.
And the onion is no longer a threat to my ducts thanks to technology - onion goggles provide a new standard in ocular security.
An onion in bits.
Not just in bits, but accurately measured bits.
Thanks to the grid etched into the surface of the Obsessive Chef chopping board.
My sustenance is ready, but will it adequately nourish me? Time to consult the Prep Pad.
Enter your ingredients and their weight and it gives a detailed nutritional analysis of your meal.
So, I've got a 52 out of 100 balance, so we all know what that means.
A life-changing breakthrough? That's beyond question, ya'll, but I have yet to be convinced that the pain in the neck that is cooking can be assuaged by the shot in the arm that is gadget, perhaps we now specifically need the opinion of, say, a panel of experts, specially selected from the people who live within the borders of this nation state.
And here they are, my public panel.
Four people who embody every aspect of the United Kingdom's diverse population.
Manual labourers and students are two of the key groups in our country who enjoy a fruit-based dessert.
The Yonanas turns frozen fruit into an edible slurry.
It's quite fast, actually, I'm quite surprised how fast it is.
It's not noisy at all, is it? A dairy free, low-fat alternative to ice cream or yoghurt or yo-ghurt.
That's really good.
That's very tasty.
Would you use the Yonanas at home? Definitely, it's really healthy because there's no dairy, it's just the fruit.
City workers and the retired routinely crave alcohol, so who better to appraise a Corovin or coro-van wine access system? A long needle pierces the cork, the bottle is then pressurised so the wine can be poured out through the needle, but because the hole made is so narrow, it closes up when you remove the Corovin or coro-van, so you can save the rest of the bottle.
Good heavens, look at that.
I know another way of wine not going off, drinking it.
The Hot Dog Toaster allows you to warm hot dog sausages, and hot dog rolls, in one handy appliance.
An idiot-proof way of making hot dogs.
So even you could do it.
Yes, even I could do it.
Turn anything into a snack on a stick with a Stick Snack maker.
Coat your ingredients in batter, then cook them.
It's hot.
I don't know that nice is the word that I'd use.
I'm sure the debate has raged long and hard and you've come to some kind of hard-won consensus.
We, as the representatives of Britain, we've decided that the Pop-Up Hot Dog Toaster is the winner this week.
It's as if 63 million people have spoken as one, and indeed they have, because the Hot Dog Toaster is the gadget of the week.
These investigations into the latest culinary gadgets have been heroic, that's beyond question, but my moral objections to cooking for myself remain insurmountable.
But these objections are as nothing compared to the horrors that await should you foolishly try to secure food in a restaurant.
Is there a man, woman or child in the land who can successfully read a menu? It can't be done.
Can I get sir anything? Imagine this out of work actor trying to directly interact with me.
Would sir like to smell the wine? No thanks, I recently lost the use of my nose in a fire, and furthermore, I've just had a notion that's going to be visually supported by this.
I need to contact my technical staff.
Yeah, hello, I need to create the restaurant of the future.
Silent waiters, wine that doesn't need smelling, exciting foodstuffs.
Just do it! With my technical support staff briefed, I set out to find food for my restaurant to serve.
I'm here to see Charlie Harry Francis, who describes himself as an edible inventor, which presumably means you can eat him.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
What have you got? I think we'll start with these.
In the future, we'll be doing pill form food.
Ready, one, two, three, go.
Look, I don't want to be a Trainspotting situation.
What is this? It's not trippy.
It kick starts your metabolism.
It lets you start burning off the fat you're carrying around with you there.
So, if you start eating that Right.
you're actually eating that.
That seems to be the opposite of what food should do.
It's like an emergency food situation.
The guy who invented this has lived off these for 17 days, and he's not dead.
What else can I give people who come to this restaurant other than their own bodies to eat? Basically, in cans Yes, I like cans.
This is food in a can.
This is a 12-course meal.
In a tin.
In a tin.
Would you like to join me on this? Um, why don't you start? You start.
I don't feel like you're on board with this one.
No, I just trust you so deeply now.
Is that what it is? That I just feel as if I'm tasting it myself, and also it does look like congealed fat.
I mean, it's actually made with gelatine.
So they've made each course as you would do in a very expensive restaurant or kitchen or whatever.
But what they've done differently to a restaurant is that they've piled all on top of one another in an unappetizing gloop.
This is not what I want.
My restaurant needs to offer more than auto-cannibalism or tinned goods.
Equally unappetizing are AeroLife food shots.
Suck on the tube and tiny particles of food fly into your mouth and land on your tongue.
That's very bitter.
I mean, good gravy! Nor am I swayed by glow in the dark lollipops made with jellyfish luminescence.
You've got the mouth of a jellyfish.
Do they have mouths? He needs to pull the culinary rabbit from his proverbial, and pronto.
What are you going to do to restore my trust that you've shattered.
So, this is the Levitron, and it's a brilliant machine, it's a levitating cocktail machine.
So, basically, this is using the power of sound Yes.
to levitate tiny droplets of very potent alcohol.
And there you can see the droplet is just levitating in mid air, and that's just being held there purely by sound.
Go ahead.
You feeling brave? I'm feeling like I'm in some kind of '80s scene.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Nice, eh? Yeah.
Like an astronaut.
I Yeah.
Yeah, you were then, for a second.
You looked great.
The Levitron.
How much is this? About Ј30,000 at the moment.
For the equipment to do one droplet, so Little steep for me.
Need to work through the costs on that one a little bit.
Next? Yes.
What next? Pudding.
Do you like pudding? Yes, I do.
Do you like candyfloss? Yes, I do.
Right, the Whirlwind Vortex Floating Candyfloss machine.
That's right.
It's going to create a huge boon of floating candyfloss.
Which is going to taste amazing.
Which flavour would you like? I'd like strawberries and cream please.
Strawberries and cream, very easy to do.
The man in the top hat heats the flavoured sugar until it melts, just like your candyfloss machine would do.
So, we get the full effect from this with the lights down, so we'll just dim the lights a little bit.
You seem to associate food with darkness quite a lot.
But instead of spinning the strands of sugar around in a tub, jets of air fire the floss upwards and then hold it there, like a small edible, if sickly-sweet, cloud.
Feel a bit like I'm in Ghost Busters, which is always a pleasing sensation.
Now eat it.
Yeah, it tastes like candyfloss.
So this I approve of.
I like very much.
I'd like to take this to the restaurant.
I'm glad we found something you liked.
And you can just deliver that machine.
We'll sort it out.
So I'll just wait to here from your Yeah, yeah.
Coming up, the appliances of science.
I grapple with the kitchen kit used by the world's most ambitious chefs.
And I blow my dining companion's tiny mind at the ultimate restaurant.
Can you imagine a more romantic gesture than this? No.
My hatred of both cooking and, unhelpfully, restaurants has propelled me to create a revolutionary eatery where waiters, sommeliers and chefs are replaced by gadgetry.
I've tried techy, ready-made food, but the results have been mixed.
Yeah, it tastes like candyfloss.
So, perhaps what my restaurant needs is some high-end culinary gadgetry.
To this end, I've arranged to meet Dr Rachel Edwards-Stuart.
Rachel, hello.
Rachel's face of fear hides the fact that she is a food scientist, gastronomist and expert on cutting-edge professional cooking technology.
First up, the Anti-Griddle, the yin to a normal griddle's yang.
It's minus 30 degree Fahrenheit surface will freeze almost anything, even oil, instantly.
Pretty cold That has frozen.
I'm underwhelmed.
Yet, Rachel is undeterred.
You have eight marshmallows in a glass.
Yeah, well, this is not actually the piece of equipment, the piece of equipment is this, which is the smoking gun.
The idea with this is you can basically smoke anything.
I know that.
A tiny sprinkling of oak chips are set alight, and the smoke blown out of tube, infusing your chosen food with flavour.
Let's hope there's not a smoke alarm.
As well as wood chips, one could use tea or, "'erbs.
" Do you know the Wu Tang Clan at all? Not personally.
I think they may be interested in this piece of equipment.
Smokey marshmallow.
It does smell like it's been in a burning rabbit hutch, in a good way.
Do you want one? I'm fine, thank you.
Wow, that's not a good sign.
With that endorsement of the smoked marshmallow ringing in my ears, we move on.
OK, so what we've got here is the rotary evaporator, which separates liquids according to their boiling point.
In the flask, espresso coffee is heated to a temperature where the volatile particles that give it flavour and smell evaporate.
In the curly tube, they're condensed again, now liberated from the earthly form that has held them back for so long.
So, this will almost be your essence or aroma of your coffee, but without any of the colour or any of those less desirable coffee notes, which are going to stay in here.
Would you like to try it? I would like to try it.
Yeah? It tastes like coffee water.
Clear coffee.
It's something that I must show the world more of, and so I'm going to take this for my restaurant, and I will tell you how things go.
My exhaustive research is at an end.
Meanwhile, my technical support staff has spared almost no expense to create my restaurant vision.
One free from waiters, any need for wine-related expertise or, indeed, cooking.
It's time to dine.
Joining me to quaff at this future trough is Adrian Edmondson.
Adrian has eaten food in the past and has at times actually made dinner, but he's about to have his culinary parameters radically reordered.
OK, well, here we are.
And do you come here often? I come here all the time now.
In my utopian eatery, the out-of-work actors who previously delivered food have been swept away by the hot blast of gadgets.
Look at that, that's Baxter.
He's got a face like a very angry Viking.
His expressions have been closely modelled on mine.
Baxter is a robot who can be programmed by anyone, and is ideal for repetitive tasks.
Isn't this quicker and more efficient than an actual person doing it? HE LAUGHS You missed it, mate.
He's used in factories for things like packing, but he could just as easily be waiting on tables.
Can you imagine a more romantic gesture than this? Yeah.
Baxter knows not to ask if I want to smell this wine, and from now on, I do not have to.
Look at this.
I have the Cryanose.
The Cryanose? Yeah.
It has been programmed to detect the chemical difference between good wine and corked wine.
Well, that's going to be very useful.
It's going to be a game changer.
Just drawing the sample.
If I was a woman on a romantic date with you, I would be feeling very aroused by now.
That's normally what they say at this stage.
It says that the wine is OK.
Let romance commence.
Well, thanks very much.
Adrian is stunned by the way the Foodipto app places his order directly, without the need for tiresome human interaction.
Oh, I see, I think I've ordered.
Have you? Have I? Already? What did you order? Let's see if it's coming.
Hot right it's coming.
Adrian's burger is already under construction.
OK, well, this is the kitchen.
There's no-one here.
That's also a part of the plan.
Do approach this - the world's first 3D food printer.
What is it doing? How is it making it? Well, it has various cartridges into which food is put, and then it squeezes it out in these intricate shapes.
Is it a food printer or is it a food squirter? In a way, what is a printer doing? Squirting.
While our main courses are extruded, there's just time for an amuse bouche.
This is going to simulate a taste, you just have to put your tongue in here, and it will electronically simulate a taste, because you know it's very tedious getting taste from food.
The digital lollipop has two silver probes which attach to the tongue to simulate sweet and sour taste receptors.
That's sour.
And then while you're doing that It is sour.
It is pretty sour.
Now this is going to release an aroma, which, coupled with this, is going to just take our noses off.
I tell you what, this is a dieter's dream, isn't it? It sure beats eating.
This, I have to say, I rather like.
You like, this is a bit like This actually a rather tasty lemon.
And what were you getting from this? Toilet Duck.
Well, there's no higher praise than that.
I'm still hungry.
Well, that's what thin air will do to you.
Now, the mains.
Oh, yes, he's coming.
Here we go.
He seems very confident about that.
Ooh, there he goes.
I think you spooked him.
That was faultless.
OK, do you want to commence eating your printed burger? Yes, I do.
This does feel futuristic, I have to say, the idea of eating printed food.
Does it taste like food? It does taste like food.
It sort of tastes like hospital food.
OK, well, you've demolished that burger.
Let's clear it away.
There we go.
Look at that.
I think that says a lot about my relationship with Baxter.
Baxter is quite hostile towards you.
My restaurant is exceeding all possible expectations, but the riches know no limit of embarrassment.
It's coffee.
There you go.
It's cold.
It is cold.
Cold, colourless coffee.
Don't say I don't treat you well.
This is going to catch on.
After the best coffee ever, it's time for the grand duke of puds.
How do you feel about candyfloss? 'Airborne candyfloss.
' Look at this.
That's very impressive.
Adrian is so impressed, he can't even bring himself to eat it.
Your face tells me everything I need to know.
You're ecstatic.
But how do you feel? I'd like to hear it in your own words.
And be honest.
I think it's been an exciting evening, you know, I have been positively thrilled, I don't know if it's anything to do with being in a restaurant, it's basically a love of gadgetry.
You're a Luddite.
Yeah, it hasn't really filled me with organic desire.
Well, I'm going to attempt to change your mind.
Are you? By pointing towards a piano-playing robot.
CHIRPY PIANO MUSIC How can Adrian fail to be agog at this? The climactic denouement of my restaurant experience.
Live music without the need to show appreciation.
He has a lot of expression, doesn't he? Yeah.
And Baxter's moved.
He kind of got the looks.
Handmade over four years and yours to own for just ?12,000, Teotronica's Italian inventor claims that he is faster than any human pianist.
And I'm going to pretend that what he's playing is enjoyable to hear.
So, we have a definitive demonstration here that technology can change the way we cook and eat, that's not just my view, that's the view of Adrian Edmondson, despite his words.
That's actually what he meant, so what you're looking at, in short, is the future.
Next time, Claudia Winkleman joins me as I swing the trusty sword of gadgets at a national obsession - house buying.
This is amazing!
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