GameFace (2017) s01e03 Episode Script
Onion
1 This my is wife Tanya.
She looks just like me.
But you're American.
No, I'm from Kentish Town.
Hello? Your flatmate said that you're camping.
SHE SCREAMS I won't be inviting you inside then.
Why not? DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS RHYTHMIC THUMPS WOMAN MOANS Fuck's sake.
MOANING CONTINUES MOANING INTENSIFIES DOORBELL BUZZES MAN YELLS DOORBELL BUZZES I'm coming.
Oh.
Hi, Linda.
Is that completely ripped open parcel for me? Yeah.
These fuckers don't pay tax, you know? That and soon they're going to use drones to deliver this shit.
And if you don't answer the door, then they're just going to smash in through your window.
I don't think that's a thing.
That's not Answer your door! I don't like dealing with them.
Thanks, Linda.
But how do you know? There's no way you can know that.
It would just be killing us both if I gave the parachute to a baby.
Marcella! If you were on a plane and it was about to go down, you only had one parachute and it was you and your baby, who would you give the parachute to? What? Mark would throw the baby off the plane.
I didn't say that.
I said sometimes we have to make decisions based on what works rather than just what makes us feel better.
How can you implement change if you don't believe it's possible? Marcella, would you save the baby? Guys, I just come on.
My boobs are sore.
Please, I just want to get caffeine.
This is too heavy an opener for the day.
Do you actually think Corbyn is electable? Do you actually think he can be elected Prime Minister or in your need to feel good, have you and your ilk condemned the Labour Party to just Can I get a bit of this coffee? .
.
decades in the wilderness? I think Corbyn can win.
Of course I do.
I can't believe I'm fucking a Tory.
I can't believe I'm fucking an idiot.
This is the worst post-sex banter I've ever heard.
And also, every part of me doesn't want to get involved in this conversation, but why can't I just wear the parachute and carry the baby and save us both? It has to be one or the other.
Why? OK, say you had no arms, so you couldn't carry the baby.
Right.
Getting the parachute on's going to be tricky.
Pulling the cord, nightmare.
PHONE BUZZES Hey, Mum.
What're you up to? Oh, pretty full-on today.
I've got a driving lesson, life coaching, but, you'll be pleased to hear the big news, I've got an audition on Friday, so preparing for that and Billy's getting out this afternoon and I think we should go and pick him up.
Right, what? I thought he had another two weeks.
Nope, he's finished today.
So, will you come with me to get him? OK.
OK.
Jesus.
He is your brother and I don't ask much of you.
And also, I've a dozen new tea towels for you, really good ones these are now, honestly.
More absorbent than sand.
Fine, yeah.
Fine.
Just pick me up.
Great.
I'll see you later then.
What's going on? Billy's getting out of rehab, again, and, as usual, everything in my life has to come to a fucking halt.
What's happening? Are you trying to fart? Go to the window.
No! I really want this part but I need to be able to cry.
Something's wrong, it's blocked.
It's like my eyes are constipated.
I can cry on demand.
Go on, then.
OK.
Um HE SNIFFLES CLEARS THROA You see? What'd you think about? Oh.
Throwing that baby off the plane.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Wow, you smell nice Wow! You're in a suit.
Yeah, I have something on after this, so Oh, what? A date? It is, isn't it? A date.
A daytime date in a suit.
A bit much.
Look at me.
I'm the king of Tinder.
You trying to be the Tinder King, Jon? No.
No, I'm not trying to be the .
.
Tinder King.
It's not a date.
What is it, then? It's a wedding.
Oh, I see.
Actually, speaking of dates Um Before we get going, I I just wanted to ask you something.
Um God, I don't know how to do this.
I was wondering if you, uh, could do Tuesday instead of Wednesday next week? Yes.
Yep.
That's fine, I reckon.
I could I have to check it and move a few things about but that should, that's totally workable.
Good, because I have an actual date .
.
then.
You know, a suitless date, actually.
Oh, nice.
Well, good for you.
Yeah, she is.
Wow.
Yeah.
I don't want to pry, I think I was just joking at the beginning.
We've got a lot of driving to be getting on with so Anyway, you left this in the car.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Yeah, thank you.
Actually, I went back to give it to you but your your boyfriend was there? He's my ex.
Whatever.
He was there and Yeah, he's my ex.
Anyway.
Don't forget it.
Oh, and you also left that.
Your gratitude journal.
Did you read it? No.
You're lying.
Yeah.
So, you did read it? No, I filled it in.
I mean surely you have more to be grateful for than than, um, peas.
"I am grateful for the kindness and extreme patience "my driving instructor is showing me, even though I am BOTH: "exhausting company.
" Wow.
OK.
Where is he, Marcella? It's gone two.
Oh.
It's so good to see you.
You look so well.
How're you feeling? I'm good, Mum.
Thank you.
You didn't need to come pick me up.
Oh.
All right, Marc? Hey, Billy, it's nice to see looking well and OK.
So, the first thing I need to say straight out the gate is that I don't want to be called Billy any more.
OK? Sasha Fierce.
I thought the first thing you might've said was, "sorry" but Mum? Marcella is being hostile and I'm not even outside the building yet.
Marcella, stop being a fucker.
What's your new name then? William.
It's the same name as Billy, but it's like the more adult version.
That is an amazing fact.
Let me tweet that right now.
I don't want to forget that.
Mum! Marcella, stop it! I want to move on from Billy, you know.
He was young and foolish and William is committed to being an adult, you know.
William wants to be the good guy.
Oh, you're not.
Oh, oh.
So, Billy the Kid took the cocaine and now you're William the Conqueror, you ain't got to say sorry? Mum? I would like to be called Batman.
No, William is Stop talking about yourself in the third person.
It's really creepy.
Why don't you just come out and say sorry Oh, Jesus Christ! I will call either of you whatever you want! Just stop this! Always this shite with the two of you.
It breaks my heart! Please, please, please do not take cocaine any more.
I cannot bear it.
I love you.
Yes, Mum.
You.
Please, please, please brush your hair.
It's about self-care, Marcella.
I love you too.
Oh, oh.
You're saying, "brush your hair" in exactly the same tone as, "don't take cocaine any more"? I mean, it's like "Oh, if Billy needs a telling off" William, for fuck's sake! My name is William! You heard the man.
His name is William! I could just use your support and not your shitty judgment.
Oh.
Now look.
WHISPERS: I'm sad.
I'm sad.
I'm so sad.
I'm so sad.
I'm sad.
Are you trying to fart? Sh.
WHISPERS: Sad.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
Oh, Jesus.
Wait till you get outside.
CAT PURRS So, Marcella, how has your week been? Uh, yeah.
My brother got out of rehab, which is good.
Do you get on with your brother? Yeah.
Sort of.
No.
Get ready to meet your maker, bitch.
Meet your maker? I watched a lot of Westerns.
I do love my brother, but I want to hate him.
I want not to care about him.
I feel like he feeds off people caring and it's just more attention.
Tell your brother how it makes you feel.
What? Tell your brother .
.
how it makes you feel.
Yeah.
That's not my bag, that Marcella, all I'm asking .
.
is you go for it.
Tell him.
Hi, Billy.
William.
Oh.
Brilliant.
Oh, my God! Fucking hell! That was horrible! Uh OK.
You're doing great.
Fantastic work.
No, no, no, no, no I'm I mean I'm not talking to a cactus.
Marcella, watch me.
Now.
Hello, Auntie Pauline.
Oh, no.
You're not really going to do this, are you? Please, please, Marcella, please? OK.
Now, last Sunday you said my house smelt like it was haunted by a ghost of an old .
.
shit.
And then at Christmas, in front of everybody, you said that you would rather sleep in the litter tray than on my sofa bed.
I think you are a nasty person.
Actually, I don't think nasty cuts it.
I think you You're horrible.
You're a horrible, horrible person.
I wish you would go away from my life and I wish you would just Hey, hey, hey! Are we sharing this session? Sorry, yeah.
I've got some things I'd like to talk about.
No, it's Sorry.
That's That's powerful stuff.
Right.
Let's say goodbye to Auntie Pauline.
That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
Um.
.
Let's OK.
Oh! How did the big audition go? It's not till tomorrow.
Of course! And, uh, how's crying? Cos last week you said you were having trouble crying? Yeah.
Still haven't.
Arg.
I can't.
I've tried everything.
OK.
And have you made a concerted effort to try and verbally express your displeasure Yeah .
.
like we discussed? Because if you are blocked here, maybe you're blocked here.
Yeah.
I, uh, took your advice.
And? Yeah, I don't like it, it's boring.
I do have a nice ice cream though.
It's strawberry.
It's my favourite.
The film's really loud, I can't hear you.
Little You've got a new cat? Little girl? Little girl! We don't use our phones in the cinema! It's naughty and very rude.
Hold on, Polly.
I'm going to speak to the lady.
SHE MUTTERS What did you say? I wasn't talking to you.
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Emma Thompson.
Shut up, Emma! Give someone else a go, for Christ's sake.
Just please stop being AUDIENCE GASPS Asshole.
Well At least I had the courage of my convictions, unlike you lot.
Watch the film in peace now.
I'm not condoning her behaviour, but I do not blame that woman for being upset.
Emma Thompson is the finest actor this country has ever produced.
Right.
Well, you've completely misunderstood.
I agree, she's very good.
Um Marcella, tell me about Simon.
Why did you break up? Why? Tell me why.
What're you Oh, OK.
You're trying to make me cry.
Nice.
But, no.
I think we need to release this blockage.
Um When did you first realise that it was just It was over? CUTTING ONIONS Oh, well, hello.
You know what, if you're a fan of leeks like I am, then you're going love this dinner.
It's just perfect, it's cheap, it's healthy, for any night of the week, really is.
Oh, by the way, just found out the stag do's in Vegas.
Oh, that's original.
Marc, they're the wrong ones.
Told me to get you onions.
I said red onions.
No, you didn't.
I said red onions about 20 times, are you joking? Well Onions is onions.
"Onions is onions.
" I mean that's the problem with you, isn't it? Onions is onions.
All right, calm down.
I'll go get another onion.
No, actually, do you know what? I'll go.
Don't bother.
I'll go cos you know what? You might get to the shop and think that onion is a carrot or shoe.
What are you doing? Oh, look at me, I'll go rip my apron off and go and be a martyr.
Hello, my name's Marcella and welcome to my cookery programme.
Ah! Right.
Basic.
What're we cooking tonight? I don't know.
Bread and eggs.
Doesn't really matter.
Bread is eggs, eggs is bread.
Right.
So, just throw all that in.
Add some water.
Glass of water will do.
Gallon of water.
You could piss in it for all I care.
Why can't you just to do details? What's wrong with you? Sorry.
I just I feel like I'm the one making the effort.
Sorry.
OK.
Well, listen If this onion's that important, we'll just I'll just We'll order in.
We'll just order some food.
It's not about the food though, is it, Marc? You know, I'm going on my third stag do this year and you and me can't even build a fucking meal together.
I didn't know, maybe it's What? Maybe it's what? Just needed the onions.
It wasn't over.
It was just a row about an onion that got way out of hand.
Still no tears.
I suppose that's a good thing really, when you think about it.
It's progress.
Yeah.
Um.
.
Just out of curiosity .
.
what was he cooking? You're joking, right? That's not your question.
It's a test.
Um I mean I just can't do it.
I just WOMAN SOBS FOOTSTEPS SOBBING DOOR OPENS DOOR ALARM CHIMES Just this, please.
One apple? It's an onion.
Just one? Yes, please.
Do you have a knife I can borrow? Oh, you want to peel your apple? It's an Yes, I'd like to peel my apple No! Go home and peel your apple, not HERE! Fine, fine, I'll just bite it.
You don't like your apple? God dammit Marcella! SHE WHISPERS Hi! Tania, how are you? Are you all right? What are you .
.
what are you up to? Oh, I'm fine, you know, just, uh .
.
buying the condoms! Wow! Yeah.
Uh, h-h-h-how is um .
.
how is Simon? Uh, a-apart from Erect! No! No, sorry, um, that was a really bad joke.
And weird No, it's a good joke, it's a good joke.
Yeah, h-he's OK, you know, h-he's bearing up.
I-It would be really nice if you could give him a call actually, I know he'd love to hear from you.
You're like a sister to him.
So Yeah, yeah .
.
yeah.
A-Are you OK? Yeah! Uh, she doesn't like apple.
I don't like apples either actually, they're really acidic.
I love apples, BUT I am in a rush.
So I'm really sorry but I'm going togoing to have to go Sorry, I know the condom, it was weird, wasn't it? I was just No, it's a good joke! I enjoyed it, it's a good joke so Yeah, I-I'll tell him you said hi.
She crazy! Just those, thanks.
Party balloons? No.
DOOR OPENS Marcella Donahue? And whenever you're ready.
OK.
You! Get on your horse! Your mule.
Sorry? Your mule.
Oh, sorry.
OK You, get on your mule! All we had between us is buried in this soil.
And neither your tears or mine will make this right.
Oh, but these tears These tears WHISPERS These These! These tears! These tears These tears .
.
are full of rage and fury.
Look at me! Look in my EYES! I will cry .
.
for 100 SHE SNIFFLES SHE GROANS .
.
years.
SHE SNIFFLES Thank you.
It's emotional, isn't it? Thank you very much for .
.
seeing me.
FLOORBOARDS CREAK WHISPERS: Thank you.
Their poor eyes! I know PHONE NOTIFICATION CHIMES Who do you keep texting? Billy, he's around the corner so he's going to pop in and say hi.
Or "William," should I say.
What?! What? You're not going to start all this stuff up with him again, are you? What stuff? What do you mean, "What" Don't look at me in the face and say, "What stuff," like you haven't been each other's fallback shag since we were kids.
It's weird and I always end up stuck in the middle and I don't like it.
No, honestly, i-it's not like that, and I'm just I am just being his friend.
No, I'm your friend and that's why you've never got off your tits on MDMA and sucked me off in front of my dad's Aga at nine o'clock in the morning.
What? Y-You're such a pyou're a pyou're a perv! What's wrong with you? Really? Yes.
Or are you animals for it's notit's a kitchen.
It's nine o'clock, I want to get breakfast.
DOOR OPENS FOOTSTEPS APPROACH You didn't tell me Simon was coming.
I didn't know.
All right, Luce.
Hi, Marce, didn't know you'd be here.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello, twice in one day.
Yes, weird, isn't it? Simon, hello.
How are you? Good? Luce, Tania, Tania, Lucy.
Hi Hi, Tania.
.
.
Tania.
Luce.
Nice to see you.
MARCELLA CLEARS THROA You two ordered? Nope.
Oh, they do arancini balls here, Marce.
Oh, I bloody love arancini balls.
Marce once ate 17 on the trot at a Bar Mitzvah.
N?No, I didn't.
BILLY LAUGHS Yeah, you did.
Simon, do you remember that, when she ate 17 arancini Yeah.
.
.
balls? That's a lot, innit? Yeah, uh I don'tI'm not really into arancini balls, you know? If I'm going to have a starter, I'mI'm just going to go straight in for the uh .
.
squid! Yes, please.
I love squid.
So much.
Not just squid, I might even go for the So, Marce, how was your audition? Actually, it's a really funny story, innit? TANIA: You were buying apples! Yeah, it was, it was, it wasn't that funny.
It was fine, it was actually Do you know what though? I've got, um, work in the morning, so, uh, sorry to cut all this short but Can't you just have a drink? Well, no, I've got, I've gotwork in the morning Yeah, but we just got here.
Mate, she's got work, she's got work.
OK.
Yeah.
Anyway, see you later.
I'll walk you out.
No, no honestly.
.
.
.
you stay where you are, I'm good.
I'll go.
Marce! Marce, look, Marce OK, before you go batshit at me, I honestly didn't know you were going to be here.
Now, I'm not that much of a dick Why are you even hanging out with him? He's my friend and he texted me and told me about his mum.
To be fair, he's one of my only friends who doesn't do coke.
All right.
But if you're not cool with him and I hanging out, then I'll respect that It's fine, I mean I'd rather you be hanging out with him than Skinny Pig or Uni-nostril.
But I mean, it's not an ideal choice I'm sorry I was a dick about your name but I worry you focus on the wrong things and I want to get well, Marce, and being called William is just .
.
it's just one of the things I'm doing, to do that.
But it's not the only thing.
I'm going meetings, I'm meditating.
I really need your support, and Mum and Dad's.
OK I-I love you.
You're right, I should have said sorry the first thing when you picked me up.
You're my sister, and I don't want to hurt you and Mum and I .
.
I just feel so ashamed when I I love you too, dick face.
Um .
.
but we need to get one thing straight.
I didn't eat 17 arancini balls.
It was 23.
Go back in to your best mates.
See you later.
Hey, so, yeah, you left us in the car John.
Hey, hi! Oh, what's wrong? PHONE CHIMES Uh, what? No, I Oh, my God! I got the part! Hey! I got the part! I'm so happy, I really needed this today, it was such a horrible Sorrysweetie.
I neededI really needed If you were king of the jungle Oh, yeah Marcella, if a lion could talk, would you have more or less empathy for it? Be honest, Marcella, you'd want to kick it in the face.
Right.
Well Anyway Let's park that, OK? Um, yeah, sorry about us.
I .
.
uh, have your head torch.
My head torch.
Uh, see yousee you Wednesday.
Wednesday.
DOOR OPENS You're the TV licence guy.
What? I see you parked out there.
You're the TV licence guy.
Linda, he's my driving instructor, that's why he's parked out there.
I know TV licence guys, and I ain't showing you SHIT.
DOOR SLAMS Wednesday.
See you later, see you Wednesday.
See you Wednesday.
DOOR CLOSES MUSIC: I've Told Every Little Star By Linda Scott # Da-da-da-da # Dum, da-dum I'm not the TV licence guy! # Dum, da-dum # Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da # Why haven't I told you # Oh, baby, I've told every little star # Just how sweet I think you are Why haven't I told you
She looks just like me.
But you're American.
No, I'm from Kentish Town.
Hello? Your flatmate said that you're camping.
SHE SCREAMS I won't be inviting you inside then.
Why not? DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS RHYTHMIC THUMPS WOMAN MOANS Fuck's sake.
MOANING CONTINUES MOANING INTENSIFIES DOORBELL BUZZES MAN YELLS DOORBELL BUZZES I'm coming.
Oh.
Hi, Linda.
Is that completely ripped open parcel for me? Yeah.
These fuckers don't pay tax, you know? That and soon they're going to use drones to deliver this shit.
And if you don't answer the door, then they're just going to smash in through your window.
I don't think that's a thing.
That's not Answer your door! I don't like dealing with them.
Thanks, Linda.
But how do you know? There's no way you can know that.
It would just be killing us both if I gave the parachute to a baby.
Marcella! If you were on a plane and it was about to go down, you only had one parachute and it was you and your baby, who would you give the parachute to? What? Mark would throw the baby off the plane.
I didn't say that.
I said sometimes we have to make decisions based on what works rather than just what makes us feel better.
How can you implement change if you don't believe it's possible? Marcella, would you save the baby? Guys, I just come on.
My boobs are sore.
Please, I just want to get caffeine.
This is too heavy an opener for the day.
Do you actually think Corbyn is electable? Do you actually think he can be elected Prime Minister or in your need to feel good, have you and your ilk condemned the Labour Party to just Can I get a bit of this coffee? .
.
decades in the wilderness? I think Corbyn can win.
Of course I do.
I can't believe I'm fucking a Tory.
I can't believe I'm fucking an idiot.
This is the worst post-sex banter I've ever heard.
And also, every part of me doesn't want to get involved in this conversation, but why can't I just wear the parachute and carry the baby and save us both? It has to be one or the other.
Why? OK, say you had no arms, so you couldn't carry the baby.
Right.
Getting the parachute on's going to be tricky.
Pulling the cord, nightmare.
PHONE BUZZES Hey, Mum.
What're you up to? Oh, pretty full-on today.
I've got a driving lesson, life coaching, but, you'll be pleased to hear the big news, I've got an audition on Friday, so preparing for that and Billy's getting out this afternoon and I think we should go and pick him up.
Right, what? I thought he had another two weeks.
Nope, he's finished today.
So, will you come with me to get him? OK.
OK.
Jesus.
He is your brother and I don't ask much of you.
And also, I've a dozen new tea towels for you, really good ones these are now, honestly.
More absorbent than sand.
Fine, yeah.
Fine.
Just pick me up.
Great.
I'll see you later then.
What's going on? Billy's getting out of rehab, again, and, as usual, everything in my life has to come to a fucking halt.
What's happening? Are you trying to fart? Go to the window.
No! I really want this part but I need to be able to cry.
Something's wrong, it's blocked.
It's like my eyes are constipated.
I can cry on demand.
Go on, then.
OK.
Um HE SNIFFLES CLEARS THROA You see? What'd you think about? Oh.
Throwing that baby off the plane.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Wow, you smell nice Wow! You're in a suit.
Yeah, I have something on after this, so Oh, what? A date? It is, isn't it? A date.
A daytime date in a suit.
A bit much.
Look at me.
I'm the king of Tinder.
You trying to be the Tinder King, Jon? No.
No, I'm not trying to be the .
.
Tinder King.
It's not a date.
What is it, then? It's a wedding.
Oh, I see.
Actually, speaking of dates Um Before we get going, I I just wanted to ask you something.
Um God, I don't know how to do this.
I was wondering if you, uh, could do Tuesday instead of Wednesday next week? Yes.
Yep.
That's fine, I reckon.
I could I have to check it and move a few things about but that should, that's totally workable.
Good, because I have an actual date .
.
then.
You know, a suitless date, actually.
Oh, nice.
Well, good for you.
Yeah, she is.
Wow.
Yeah.
I don't want to pry, I think I was just joking at the beginning.
We've got a lot of driving to be getting on with so Anyway, you left this in the car.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Yeah, thank you.
Actually, I went back to give it to you but your your boyfriend was there? He's my ex.
Whatever.
He was there and Yeah, he's my ex.
Anyway.
Don't forget it.
Oh, and you also left that.
Your gratitude journal.
Did you read it? No.
You're lying.
Yeah.
So, you did read it? No, I filled it in.
I mean surely you have more to be grateful for than than, um, peas.
"I am grateful for the kindness and extreme patience "my driving instructor is showing me, even though I am BOTH: "exhausting company.
" Wow.
OK.
Where is he, Marcella? It's gone two.
Oh.
It's so good to see you.
You look so well.
How're you feeling? I'm good, Mum.
Thank you.
You didn't need to come pick me up.
Oh.
All right, Marc? Hey, Billy, it's nice to see looking well and OK.
So, the first thing I need to say straight out the gate is that I don't want to be called Billy any more.
OK? Sasha Fierce.
I thought the first thing you might've said was, "sorry" but Mum? Marcella is being hostile and I'm not even outside the building yet.
Marcella, stop being a fucker.
What's your new name then? William.
It's the same name as Billy, but it's like the more adult version.
That is an amazing fact.
Let me tweet that right now.
I don't want to forget that.
Mum! Marcella, stop it! I want to move on from Billy, you know.
He was young and foolish and William is committed to being an adult, you know.
William wants to be the good guy.
Oh, you're not.
Oh, oh.
So, Billy the Kid took the cocaine and now you're William the Conqueror, you ain't got to say sorry? Mum? I would like to be called Batman.
No, William is Stop talking about yourself in the third person.
It's really creepy.
Why don't you just come out and say sorry Oh, Jesus Christ! I will call either of you whatever you want! Just stop this! Always this shite with the two of you.
It breaks my heart! Please, please, please do not take cocaine any more.
I cannot bear it.
I love you.
Yes, Mum.
You.
Please, please, please brush your hair.
It's about self-care, Marcella.
I love you too.
Oh, oh.
You're saying, "brush your hair" in exactly the same tone as, "don't take cocaine any more"? I mean, it's like "Oh, if Billy needs a telling off" William, for fuck's sake! My name is William! You heard the man.
His name is William! I could just use your support and not your shitty judgment.
Oh.
Now look.
WHISPERS: I'm sad.
I'm sad.
I'm so sad.
I'm so sad.
I'm sad.
Are you trying to fart? Sh.
WHISPERS: Sad.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
Oh, Jesus.
Wait till you get outside.
CAT PURRS So, Marcella, how has your week been? Uh, yeah.
My brother got out of rehab, which is good.
Do you get on with your brother? Yeah.
Sort of.
No.
Get ready to meet your maker, bitch.
Meet your maker? I watched a lot of Westerns.
I do love my brother, but I want to hate him.
I want not to care about him.
I feel like he feeds off people caring and it's just more attention.
Tell your brother how it makes you feel.
What? Tell your brother .
.
how it makes you feel.
Yeah.
That's not my bag, that Marcella, all I'm asking .
.
is you go for it.
Tell him.
Hi, Billy.
William.
Oh.
Brilliant.
Oh, my God! Fucking hell! That was horrible! Uh OK.
You're doing great.
Fantastic work.
No, no, no, no, no I'm I mean I'm not talking to a cactus.
Marcella, watch me.
Now.
Hello, Auntie Pauline.
Oh, no.
You're not really going to do this, are you? Please, please, Marcella, please? OK.
Now, last Sunday you said my house smelt like it was haunted by a ghost of an old .
.
shit.
And then at Christmas, in front of everybody, you said that you would rather sleep in the litter tray than on my sofa bed.
I think you are a nasty person.
Actually, I don't think nasty cuts it.
I think you You're horrible.
You're a horrible, horrible person.
I wish you would go away from my life and I wish you would just Hey, hey, hey! Are we sharing this session? Sorry, yeah.
I've got some things I'd like to talk about.
No, it's Sorry.
That's That's powerful stuff.
Right.
Let's say goodbye to Auntie Pauline.
That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
Um.
.
Let's OK.
Oh! How did the big audition go? It's not till tomorrow.
Of course! And, uh, how's crying? Cos last week you said you were having trouble crying? Yeah.
Still haven't.
Arg.
I can't.
I've tried everything.
OK.
And have you made a concerted effort to try and verbally express your displeasure Yeah .
.
like we discussed? Because if you are blocked here, maybe you're blocked here.
Yeah.
I, uh, took your advice.
And? Yeah, I don't like it, it's boring.
I do have a nice ice cream though.
It's strawberry.
It's my favourite.
The film's really loud, I can't hear you.
Little You've got a new cat? Little girl? Little girl! We don't use our phones in the cinema! It's naughty and very rude.
Hold on, Polly.
I'm going to speak to the lady.
SHE MUTTERS What did you say? I wasn't talking to you.
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Emma Thompson.
Shut up, Emma! Give someone else a go, for Christ's sake.
Just please stop being AUDIENCE GASPS Asshole.
Well At least I had the courage of my convictions, unlike you lot.
Watch the film in peace now.
I'm not condoning her behaviour, but I do not blame that woman for being upset.
Emma Thompson is the finest actor this country has ever produced.
Right.
Well, you've completely misunderstood.
I agree, she's very good.
Um Marcella, tell me about Simon.
Why did you break up? Why? Tell me why.
What're you Oh, OK.
You're trying to make me cry.
Nice.
But, no.
I think we need to release this blockage.
Um When did you first realise that it was just It was over? CUTTING ONIONS Oh, well, hello.
You know what, if you're a fan of leeks like I am, then you're going love this dinner.
It's just perfect, it's cheap, it's healthy, for any night of the week, really is.
Oh, by the way, just found out the stag do's in Vegas.
Oh, that's original.
Marc, they're the wrong ones.
Told me to get you onions.
I said red onions.
No, you didn't.
I said red onions about 20 times, are you joking? Well Onions is onions.
"Onions is onions.
" I mean that's the problem with you, isn't it? Onions is onions.
All right, calm down.
I'll go get another onion.
No, actually, do you know what? I'll go.
Don't bother.
I'll go cos you know what? You might get to the shop and think that onion is a carrot or shoe.
What are you doing? Oh, look at me, I'll go rip my apron off and go and be a martyr.
Hello, my name's Marcella and welcome to my cookery programme.
Ah! Right.
Basic.
What're we cooking tonight? I don't know.
Bread and eggs.
Doesn't really matter.
Bread is eggs, eggs is bread.
Right.
So, just throw all that in.
Add some water.
Glass of water will do.
Gallon of water.
You could piss in it for all I care.
Why can't you just to do details? What's wrong with you? Sorry.
I just I feel like I'm the one making the effort.
Sorry.
OK.
Well, listen If this onion's that important, we'll just I'll just We'll order in.
We'll just order some food.
It's not about the food though, is it, Marc? You know, I'm going on my third stag do this year and you and me can't even build a fucking meal together.
I didn't know, maybe it's What? Maybe it's what? Just needed the onions.
It wasn't over.
It was just a row about an onion that got way out of hand.
Still no tears.
I suppose that's a good thing really, when you think about it.
It's progress.
Yeah.
Um.
.
Just out of curiosity .
.
what was he cooking? You're joking, right? That's not your question.
It's a test.
Um I mean I just can't do it.
I just WOMAN SOBS FOOTSTEPS SOBBING DOOR OPENS DOOR ALARM CHIMES Just this, please.
One apple? It's an onion.
Just one? Yes, please.
Do you have a knife I can borrow? Oh, you want to peel your apple? It's an Yes, I'd like to peel my apple No! Go home and peel your apple, not HERE! Fine, fine, I'll just bite it.
You don't like your apple? God dammit Marcella! SHE WHISPERS Hi! Tania, how are you? Are you all right? What are you .
.
what are you up to? Oh, I'm fine, you know, just, uh .
.
buying the condoms! Wow! Yeah.
Uh, h-h-h-how is um .
.
how is Simon? Uh, a-apart from Erect! No! No, sorry, um, that was a really bad joke.
And weird No, it's a good joke, it's a good joke.
Yeah, h-he's OK, you know, h-he's bearing up.
I-It would be really nice if you could give him a call actually, I know he'd love to hear from you.
You're like a sister to him.
So Yeah, yeah .
.
yeah.
A-Are you OK? Yeah! Uh, she doesn't like apple.
I don't like apples either actually, they're really acidic.
I love apples, BUT I am in a rush.
So I'm really sorry but I'm going togoing to have to go Sorry, I know the condom, it was weird, wasn't it? I was just No, it's a good joke! I enjoyed it, it's a good joke so Yeah, I-I'll tell him you said hi.
She crazy! Just those, thanks.
Party balloons? No.
DOOR OPENS Marcella Donahue? And whenever you're ready.
OK.
You! Get on your horse! Your mule.
Sorry? Your mule.
Oh, sorry.
OK You, get on your mule! All we had between us is buried in this soil.
And neither your tears or mine will make this right.
Oh, but these tears These tears WHISPERS These These! These tears! These tears These tears .
.
are full of rage and fury.
Look at me! Look in my EYES! I will cry .
.
for 100 SHE SNIFFLES SHE GROANS .
.
years.
SHE SNIFFLES Thank you.
It's emotional, isn't it? Thank you very much for .
.
seeing me.
FLOORBOARDS CREAK WHISPERS: Thank you.
Their poor eyes! I know PHONE NOTIFICATION CHIMES Who do you keep texting? Billy, he's around the corner so he's going to pop in and say hi.
Or "William," should I say.
What?! What? You're not going to start all this stuff up with him again, are you? What stuff? What do you mean, "What" Don't look at me in the face and say, "What stuff," like you haven't been each other's fallback shag since we were kids.
It's weird and I always end up stuck in the middle and I don't like it.
No, honestly, i-it's not like that, and I'm just I am just being his friend.
No, I'm your friend and that's why you've never got off your tits on MDMA and sucked me off in front of my dad's Aga at nine o'clock in the morning.
What? Y-You're such a pyou're a pyou're a perv! What's wrong with you? Really? Yes.
Or are you animals for it's notit's a kitchen.
It's nine o'clock, I want to get breakfast.
DOOR OPENS FOOTSTEPS APPROACH You didn't tell me Simon was coming.
I didn't know.
All right, Luce.
Hi, Marce, didn't know you'd be here.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello, twice in one day.
Yes, weird, isn't it? Simon, hello.
How are you? Good? Luce, Tania, Tania, Lucy.
Hi Hi, Tania.
.
.
Tania.
Luce.
Nice to see you.
MARCELLA CLEARS THROA You two ordered? Nope.
Oh, they do arancini balls here, Marce.
Oh, I bloody love arancini balls.
Marce once ate 17 on the trot at a Bar Mitzvah.
N?No, I didn't.
BILLY LAUGHS Yeah, you did.
Simon, do you remember that, when she ate 17 arancini Yeah.
.
.
balls? That's a lot, innit? Yeah, uh I don'tI'm not really into arancini balls, you know? If I'm going to have a starter, I'mI'm just going to go straight in for the uh .
.
squid! Yes, please.
I love squid.
So much.
Not just squid, I might even go for the So, Marce, how was your audition? Actually, it's a really funny story, innit? TANIA: You were buying apples! Yeah, it was, it was, it wasn't that funny.
It was fine, it was actually Do you know what though? I've got, um, work in the morning, so, uh, sorry to cut all this short but Can't you just have a drink? Well, no, I've got, I've gotwork in the morning Yeah, but we just got here.
Mate, she's got work, she's got work.
OK.
Yeah.
Anyway, see you later.
I'll walk you out.
No, no honestly.
.
.
.
you stay where you are, I'm good.
I'll go.
Marce! Marce, look, Marce OK, before you go batshit at me, I honestly didn't know you were going to be here.
Now, I'm not that much of a dick Why are you even hanging out with him? He's my friend and he texted me and told me about his mum.
To be fair, he's one of my only friends who doesn't do coke.
All right.
But if you're not cool with him and I hanging out, then I'll respect that It's fine, I mean I'd rather you be hanging out with him than Skinny Pig or Uni-nostril.
But I mean, it's not an ideal choice I'm sorry I was a dick about your name but I worry you focus on the wrong things and I want to get well, Marce, and being called William is just .
.
it's just one of the things I'm doing, to do that.
But it's not the only thing.
I'm going meetings, I'm meditating.
I really need your support, and Mum and Dad's.
OK I-I love you.
You're right, I should have said sorry the first thing when you picked me up.
You're my sister, and I don't want to hurt you and Mum and I .
.
I just feel so ashamed when I I love you too, dick face.
Um .
.
but we need to get one thing straight.
I didn't eat 17 arancini balls.
It was 23.
Go back in to your best mates.
See you later.
Hey, so, yeah, you left us in the car John.
Hey, hi! Oh, what's wrong? PHONE CHIMES Uh, what? No, I Oh, my God! I got the part! Hey! I got the part! I'm so happy, I really needed this today, it was such a horrible Sorrysweetie.
I neededI really needed If you were king of the jungle Oh, yeah Marcella, if a lion could talk, would you have more or less empathy for it? Be honest, Marcella, you'd want to kick it in the face.
Right.
Well Anyway Let's park that, OK? Um, yeah, sorry about us.
I .
.
uh, have your head torch.
My head torch.
Uh, see yousee you Wednesday.
Wednesday.
DOOR OPENS You're the TV licence guy.
What? I see you parked out there.
You're the TV licence guy.
Linda, he's my driving instructor, that's why he's parked out there.
I know TV licence guys, and I ain't showing you SHIT.
DOOR SLAMS Wednesday.
See you later, see you Wednesday.
See you Wednesday.
DOOR CLOSES MUSIC: I've Told Every Little Star By Linda Scott # Da-da-da-da # Dum, da-dum I'm not the TV licence guy! # Dum, da-dum # Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da # Why haven't I told you # Oh, baby, I've told every little star # Just how sweet I think you are Why haven't I told you