GameFace (2017) s01e04 Episode Script
Spider
1 What's going on? Billy's getting out of rehab.
What's your new name, then? William.
It's the same as Billy, but it's the more adult version.
Look at me.
Look in myeyes! I got the part! I'm so happy! I really needed this today, it was such a horrible Sorry.
We will have to hurry.
The weather will be on us like a dark cat.
How will we tell Sir John this is all that's left of his family farm? The fire! It came! SARAH HICCUPS The fire .
.
it came and it took SARAH HICCUPS Cut! Sorry! Sorry about that.
No, I'm fine now.
I just Totally fine.
God, I'm sorry, Marcella.
OK.
That's fine, it's just I'm.
.
SARAH HICCUPS I'm pulling a cart, you know? Uh, maybe have a sip of water? Uh, no.
No.
I think my character is a dry type of person, so OK, reset everyone.
We're going to go again.
We will have to hurry.
The weather will be on us like a dark cat.
How will we tell Sir John this is all that's left of his family farm? The fire, it came .
.
and took it took everything.
SARAH HICCUPS Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Cut! So, so sorry.
Uh Maybe it's fine.
Maybe a tiny sip of water though just cos it's a .
.
it's a proper full cart, you know.
It's supposed to be It ought to be pulled by a horse.
DUCK QUACKS It's fine, though.
It's fine.
I'm just having a great time to Just happy to be here.
So is this guy.
SARAH HICCUPS So, Marcella.
So good to see you in high spirit.
Yeah, it's justit's really sweet just to be working on an actual film set.
You know, I still can't believe I got the part.
Like, 23 people auditioned for it.
And it's nice to actually get a part.
So, you know, I'm not deluded.
I am an actor.
And John, my driving instructor, thinks that I am ready to take my test soon, so it's just been a really lucky few days.
Yep, well Just a little word about the acting role.
OK.
Well done.
OK I've had better responses to a compliment.
Oh, OK.
When you said "a word," I was like, "a word", you know, like I thought the compliment was just you lubing me up before you Lubing you? Yeah, sorry, forget What I meant was thank you.
But "lubing you"? It's a turn of phrase.
You know, lubing me up with a compliment before .
.
bumming me with criticism.
Bumming you?! With criticism! Like, it's a horrible metaphor, I shouldn't have I don't think you're trying to bum me.
OK, OK.
Um, well, the compliment still stands.
And I don't think you've had a lucky week, Marcella.
I think you're reaping the rewards of perseverance.
When was the last time you persevered.
I mean, really persevered? Held on for something that you wanted? MARCELLA'S STOMACH GURGLES What's that? Wasn't the exhaust, was it? Was that your stomach? Oh, God.
I'm in a little trouble here, Luce.
Don't you dare shit in the car! Oh, God, why am I sweating so much? I mean, what is that? Is that the shit that's trying to get out of my face? Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Don't shit in my car! Fuck! Get out, get out, get out! Go! Afternoon.
Please! Yeah, I'm busting.
I'm in real trouble here.
Likebad.
WHISPERS: I'm fucking going to kill you.
I've got L30.
That is all yours! Do you hear that? You are a bad person! I can hear you! Don't you dare.
Don't you put that on Instagram, mate! Oh, it's funny, is it? Never had to shit?! That horrible lady is gone.
It's just me now.
Hello? I'm an old lady now.
A little old lady.
Please.
TOILET FLUSHES WISHERS: Begone.
MUSIC: More Than A Feeling by Boston # It's more than a feeling More than a feeling When I hear Marianne walk away.
That was a disgusting story.
I think that was probably the most focused I've been in my entire life.
A duke, no less.
That's great news.
I'm delighted for you, pet.
Delighted! I have a bit of news myself.
WHISPERS: Orlando has come out.
Of where? The closet! Mum, Orlando's a cat.
Cats can'tcats can't come out.
Orlando doesn't talk to you, does he, Mum? Well, of course he doesn't.
But he wanted me to know all right.
ORLANDO PURRS You are winding me up.
Listen.
I walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea at three in the morning.
And himself and Timmy, you know, the raggedy black-and-white fella.
They were going at it hell for leather beside the washing machine.
At first I thought they were fighting.
And then I got closer.
Jesus! They were clean mad for each other.
It was pure Horseback Mountain.
Brokeback Mountain.
Yeah, that image is so odd, I I don't even know what to say.
Just be pleased for him.
He's having a good week, too.
Anyways, I need to go back to set.
Just, before you go, I don't suppose you happened to see Billy William last night, did you? Oh, for fuck's sake.
He didn't come home? Oh, now don't get overexcited.
He's a grown man.
And he was with Simon, so Oh, come off it, mum.
Well, I'm sorry I asked now.
Look, don't you worry about it.
You just get off.
PHONE BUZZES Hello, Simon, pet! It's Moira! Thanks for calling me back.
Oh, no worries.
Is everything OK? Marcella all right? Oh, Marce is fine! She's got an acting job, no less.
Really? Oh, that's great.
And I was I was just wondering, erm, if you happened to see Billy uh, William at all, only his phone is off and I seem to remember that he mentioned he was meeting you last night.
Yeah.
I mean Yeah, that's right.
We, I mean Oh, Simon! Sorry, Moira.
Yeah, OK.
I'll make some calls.
I'll try and find him.
Thanks, Simon.
No worries.
So, Marcella's got an acting job? Oh, yes, she does, yep.
And it's the real McCoy.
She's running around holding ducks and everything.
Ducks? She turned up the other day covered in shite.
It's method stuff.
Like Daniel Day.
He would hold his own ducks.
The real actors hold the animals.
Yeah, great.
Right, well, I'll let you go, pet.
And do let me go if you hear from Billy, right? All right.
Bye, Moira.
Bye.
Ah, William.
II didn't hold the duck.
The lead actress holds the duck.
I pull a cart.
The duck just shat on me.
Oh.
CREW CHATTERS Ah, this is great.
So, gentlemen, we're going to go for a wide.
.
SARAH HICCUPS .
.
we're running a little behind on time, so just stay with me, OK? Thanks, guys.
These fucking hiccups! Every single day! Hiccups! What are we going to do? I mean, can we go with the hiccups? No, of course we can't go with the hiccups! She's ruining everything! I can't cure hiccups.
I understand you can't cure it, but I need some kind of support.
Sarah, you've got a massive spider in your cleavage! What?! No! No! Help! Help! Get it off me! Get it off me! Help! Oh! Oh, God! No! Help! Get it off! Help! Help me! Get it out! It's gone! It's gone, it's gone, it's gone.
What?! It's gone.
It must be inside me! No, no! Oh, my God, it's inside me! It's inside! I can feel it.
I can feel it in my vagina! No! Oh, I can feel it in my vagina! No! I can feel it in my vagina! I'm going to die! What's wrong with her vagina? Sarah.
Sarah? Sarah, there's no spider.
Come on, Sarah.
Come on, Sarah.
A spider sort of got Legs.
Legs.
Legs.
The legs.
It's gone.
It's gone now, anyway.
You're fine.
No-one's in.
Oh, thank God.
BILLY SNIFFS Fuck me, it's four o'clock.
I missed you.
Why do you think we never made a go of things? Luce, I'm in recovery at the moment, I can't commit to anyone.
You know, my sobriety has got to be the most I know.
No, I don't even want that, I just I don't want this, and I hate lying to Marce, so PHONE RINGING It's Marce.
BILLY GASPS Oh, no! What are we going to do?! BILLY SCREAMS Hey, Marce.
ON THE PHONE: Hey Luce, you in? Yeah.
Yeah, w-w-why, where are you? Well, filming finished early cos I gave someone a breakdown.
I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything? No, no, no, I'm fine, mate.
I'm going out in a bit, so Is Car in? No, s-she's not back yet.
ON THE PHONE: OK, all right, speak to you later.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
SCANNERS BEEPING I can't .
.
bear it.
I cannot bear it! I mean what are you doing? MARCELLA LAUGHS EGGS BREAKING JOHN SIGHS Well, those eggs are broken.
What are you doing here? Why didn't you take a basket? I mean, I can sort of understand the taking a risk w-with some bread o-or maybe some tins What can I say, John, I like to live dangerously.
What's in your basoh! Uh Very fancy! No ermyeah, it's, well it's my date that I, remember told you about.
"Date.
" What? Just hate that phrase, "date.
" So American.
"Date.
" OK, what would you call meeting up w-with a woman that you're interested in romantically at an agreed time and place? Boring.
It wasn't boring.
Oh! Went very well Well, good for you.
Nice.
S-She's actually, she's coming over for dinner tonight so Oh, cool.
PHONE CHIMES BASKET THUDS Oh, it's Karen, my date.
She's cancelled, she's She's broken her arm.
Wow! MARCELLA CHUCKLES Broken her arm? Sounds like bullshit, mate.
Do you think? Yes.
SCANNER BEEPING I meanit might not be bullshit, she might have broken her arm.
I don't know her, got weak arms? She's got lovely arms.
All right, OK, maybe she has then.
Yeah.
OK, yeah.
I guess.
Right? Yeah.
Right, well, ermI better go and put this stuff back.
Oh, see you back Hey! Why don't we go for a drink? What, now? Yeah, fuck it! It's not like you got a date.
OK, yeah.
Yeah? Fuck it! FOOTSTEPS Marcella, there is something deeply wrong with you.
Just dump that.
What were you trying to do? I was trying to scare her to get rid of the hiccups.
Poor girl, no, I-I actually, I knew a guy like that once, when I was a broker.
He used to cry when he saw mice.
You were a broker? Yeah.
Like "buy, buy, sell, sell"? Yeah, yeah, e-exactly like that.
What happened? No, I wasI was really shit, something I kind of fell into and erm .
.
took me a while to realise that I hated it.
So you became a driving instructor? Yeah, that'd be why Well, that's one of the things Well, actually I-I bought the driving school.
What do you mean, what do you mean o-one of the things? I own a bowling alley.
SHE LAUGHS No, you don't.
I-I own a bowling alley.
You don't own a bowling alley! I do.
What's so funny? Do you do shifts at the bowling alley? If we were really busy working, yeah, I'd lend a hand.
Do you like bowling? No, hate it.
I fucking hate it! Do you like teaching people to drive? Well .
.
well, that kind of depends on the people.
Good answer.
Erm Another one? Yes, please! MUSIC: Bring It On Home To Me by Sam Cooke Bring your sweet loving' Bring your sweet loving' Yeah.
Merlot? Is it? No, it's No, we're not animals.
Ah! Yeah Yeah This is a smoker's corner.
Do you smoke? No.
Oh? Sometimes.
Do you smoke? Smoked for the first time when I was I rang my dadand I cried.
MARCELLA LAUGHS It's not my lucky, it's not lucky .
.
but it is sort of my lucky pineapple.
Come on, this should be easy.
Um Come on! Yep, OK.
MUSIC: Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi This is the bit, this is the bit.
# I'm wanted # SHE SINGS: Want No, this is the wrong bit! Dead or TROMBONE SCREECHES MARCELLA SINGS Wanted Where isthere was another wanted! I'm wanted SIMON SINGS Wanted! Oh! No, no I think you've broke my trombone.
I think you're giving me a tromboner.
No? I-Ilisten to me.
I'm really glad that I .
.
saw you at the supermarket.
No, you're not.
I've ruined your evening, I made you play the trombone.
No, I never played the trombone before so now I can You know, I can MUSIC: Walk The Line by Halsey You've got a way to keep me on your side I haven't erm I haven't been with anyone since You knowsince Simon.
What? I haven't with a different So you're We should have some more booze and Bon Jovi.
Let's have some more booze, and more Bon Jovi.
Um Yeah.
Yeah.
CLEARING HIS THROA # Wanted Wanted! Dead or alive.
Dead or alive.
That's what you sounded like at two this morning.
On repeat! You cock blocked yourself with Jovi, again! Oh, God What happened? You come home from the supermarket then you rocked up here pissed at 1am.
I met John when I was out.
Who's John? My driving instructor.
Oh, yes! I thought there was something there.
He's fit.
No, it's not like I mean, he is cute but But what? I don't have that feeling of impending doom I get when I know I like someone.
You know, he's handsome, and he is very nice.
But we all know SOUTHERN AMERICAN ACCEN The Governor don't do nice! Is your vagina Proud Mary? Oh, her vagina is not proud.
Oi! Your vagina is an old baked bean tin - rusty.
Your vagina is the MySpace of vaginas - obsolete.
Your vagina is a f Shit! I can't.
I'm out, I'm too hung over.
So nothing happened at all? No Well, no.
You should have just shagged him! Get it done with for fuck's sake! Well, what's wrong with you? Nothing, it's just I mean we're in our 30s and we're still talking about boys like we're teenagers.
Still making the same mistakes.
What? I didn't even do anything! Even the boobs didn't get a run out! I literally How have I made a mistake? She was with Simon for like 12 years.
I just think you can't accept as a fact that you don't go for nice men.
I mean, where does that leave us? MARCELLA SIGHS I just told you, it's not me.
WHISPERS: It's this punk.
Hey, what time's your screening next week? Eight o'clock.
So, and on that, do you think I should invite John? Yes! Of course you should invite him! Mate, you've got to You are way too much this morning, you've got to calm down.
Bring it all right down, all that negativity that you're giving me.
Can we get lights, please! Where is the duck?! The duck's dead! The dog ate him.
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS WHISPERING Shit! WHISPERING Where is the duck?! Hi, Marcella.
Oh, Sarah.
I'm so sorry Oh, no, it's fine.
I just hate spiders so, so much.
Yeah, that's just I've was bitten in Australia when I was 22 and I just Ah, I could feel it on me! It felt big.
Was it big? SARAH SIGHS It was big.
Yeah, it was pretty big.
Well, thank you.
It's like they're out for me.
Who? Spiders.
And I just don't get good vibes off of beetles either if I'm honest.
Sarah! Oh, anyway I know there was no spider by the way.
What? You made it up.
Some kind of sickened joke.
But there was no spider.
OK.
I want to make sure that we get things right There There was a spider.
You winked at me.
Yes Ah! So you admit that you winked at me? Yes! OK, I winked at you cos I was flirting with you.
You're .
.
you're a very attractive man.
Right? Right, yeah.
I've not considered that, yes.
Well, um HE SIGHS Look, I'm not 100% ruling you out but I think it's going to be a no for me, babe.
But .
.
let's def catch a beer at the screening.
Aw.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
SHE WHISPERS: Fucking cunt.
ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS But you are more beautiful than all the paddy fields in China.
Will you be married to me? Forever? Yes.
APPLAUSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS It was brilliant! Well done! Aw, thanks Mum I thought it was a bit shit but I'm joking, well done.
Do you want a drink? Yes, please! Can I get a red wine, please? I'm going to the loo, Mum, I'll be two secs.
Oh, hey, Marcella.
Hey! Hi.
Yeah, you came! I was I, uhI was worried you weren't going to come.
It was great.
Thank you.
Erm It's really nice you're here, uhcos, uhwell the other night when Uhoh, sorry, this is erm Hey.
Karen, uhmy friend.
Oh Marcella, Karen.
Yeah Hi.
It was excellent.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks so much, thanks Thanks for both of you for coming so much.
I actually was just on my way to the bathroom so I'll be like .
.
I'll be in the bathroom for a minute.
And then I'll We'll be at the bar.
I'll see you at the bar, I'll see you at the bar, cool.
BILLY SNORTING Are you fucking joking? It'syeah, um Marce, it's no big deal.
The film was really good by the way.
Like, ten stars.
Ten stars? Give me the coke.
Look, I'm I'm sensing a little bit of hostility coming my way.
So, I think just dial it down.
Great, give me the coke, Billy.
OK, um, I'm notI'm not going to do that.
Oh, you're not going to do that? I'm not going to do that.
You're not going to do that? But You're going to walk out, is that what you think? You are That's what you're going to Yeah Give me the coke! Give me the coke! Get off me! You're not going out there with that! Give me the fucking Ow! Marce! Fucking hell! You're not going out there! Please stop! OW! Calm down! You're being aggressive! Give me the fucking coke! Fine! FOOTSTEPS What's wrong? Where's my mum? She's over there talking to the director.
Billy was just taking coke in the toilet.
What? No, he wouldn't What do you call that then? The director seems very nice.
He has three Alsatians, did you know that? Right.
And he doesn't own a washing machine.
Really? Dirty bastard.
Imagine having three Alsatians and no washing machine.
Where's William? Uh, Billy had tohe had to go.
He had to shoot off.
I better be going too.
Well done again! Don't let it ruin your night.
OK? You can deal with it tomorrow.
Fuck's sake He'll be fine, Lucy's with him.
You were brilliant, mate, really good! Come on, let's get you a drink.
No, it's like a worm but with feet.
OK, cool, where do you stand on tapas? What? Thought maybe you and I could "tap ass" together later.
Yes, I would, that sounds nice, I would love to tap ass, very hungry.
Starving.
OK, I'll get my coat.
You are not going to tap ass with this guy.
Yes, I am going to tap ass with this guy! I'm going to tap ass with that fucking goblin-sold, hat-wearing fuck head.
It's been too long! Maybe I'll break MY arm! Tap ass is very dangerous in Spain, except they were bull-fighting.
MUSIC: Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi A cowboy SHE SINGS: A cowboy, on a steel horse I ride! Wanted Wanted Hmm? # Dead or alive.
# What are you doing? Look, I-I-I don't want to sound insecure because you know I'm not.
But I-I-I'm starting to think that you might not be very attracted to me.
Hmm MUSIC: Good Girls by The Ronettes # Good girls # Good girls # Good girls never kiss goodnight on the first date # No, not the good girls # Good girls treat the fellas nice and wait # Yeah the good girls#
What's your new name, then? William.
It's the same as Billy, but it's the more adult version.
Look at me.
Look in myeyes! I got the part! I'm so happy! I really needed this today, it was such a horrible Sorry.
We will have to hurry.
The weather will be on us like a dark cat.
How will we tell Sir John this is all that's left of his family farm? The fire! It came! SARAH HICCUPS The fire .
.
it came and it took SARAH HICCUPS Cut! Sorry! Sorry about that.
No, I'm fine now.
I just Totally fine.
God, I'm sorry, Marcella.
OK.
That's fine, it's just I'm.
.
SARAH HICCUPS I'm pulling a cart, you know? Uh, maybe have a sip of water? Uh, no.
No.
I think my character is a dry type of person, so OK, reset everyone.
We're going to go again.
We will have to hurry.
The weather will be on us like a dark cat.
How will we tell Sir John this is all that's left of his family farm? The fire, it came .
.
and took it took everything.
SARAH HICCUPS Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Cut! So, so sorry.
Uh Maybe it's fine.
Maybe a tiny sip of water though just cos it's a .
.
it's a proper full cart, you know.
It's supposed to be It ought to be pulled by a horse.
DUCK QUACKS It's fine, though.
It's fine.
I'm just having a great time to Just happy to be here.
So is this guy.
SARAH HICCUPS So, Marcella.
So good to see you in high spirit.
Yeah, it's justit's really sweet just to be working on an actual film set.
You know, I still can't believe I got the part.
Like, 23 people auditioned for it.
And it's nice to actually get a part.
So, you know, I'm not deluded.
I am an actor.
And John, my driving instructor, thinks that I am ready to take my test soon, so it's just been a really lucky few days.
Yep, well Just a little word about the acting role.
OK.
Well done.
OK I've had better responses to a compliment.
Oh, OK.
When you said "a word," I was like, "a word", you know, like I thought the compliment was just you lubing me up before you Lubing you? Yeah, sorry, forget What I meant was thank you.
But "lubing you"? It's a turn of phrase.
You know, lubing me up with a compliment before .
.
bumming me with criticism.
Bumming you?! With criticism! Like, it's a horrible metaphor, I shouldn't have I don't think you're trying to bum me.
OK, OK.
Um, well, the compliment still stands.
And I don't think you've had a lucky week, Marcella.
I think you're reaping the rewards of perseverance.
When was the last time you persevered.
I mean, really persevered? Held on for something that you wanted? MARCELLA'S STOMACH GURGLES What's that? Wasn't the exhaust, was it? Was that your stomach? Oh, God.
I'm in a little trouble here, Luce.
Don't you dare shit in the car! Oh, God, why am I sweating so much? I mean, what is that? Is that the shit that's trying to get out of my face? Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Don't shit in my car! Fuck! Get out, get out, get out! Go! Afternoon.
Please! Yeah, I'm busting.
I'm in real trouble here.
Likebad.
WHISPERS: I'm fucking going to kill you.
I've got L30.
That is all yours! Do you hear that? You are a bad person! I can hear you! Don't you dare.
Don't you put that on Instagram, mate! Oh, it's funny, is it? Never had to shit?! That horrible lady is gone.
It's just me now.
Hello? I'm an old lady now.
A little old lady.
Please.
TOILET FLUSHES WISHERS: Begone.
MUSIC: More Than A Feeling by Boston # It's more than a feeling More than a feeling When I hear Marianne walk away.
That was a disgusting story.
I think that was probably the most focused I've been in my entire life.
A duke, no less.
That's great news.
I'm delighted for you, pet.
Delighted! I have a bit of news myself.
WHISPERS: Orlando has come out.
Of where? The closet! Mum, Orlando's a cat.
Cats can'tcats can't come out.
Orlando doesn't talk to you, does he, Mum? Well, of course he doesn't.
But he wanted me to know all right.
ORLANDO PURRS You are winding me up.
Listen.
I walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea at three in the morning.
And himself and Timmy, you know, the raggedy black-and-white fella.
They were going at it hell for leather beside the washing machine.
At first I thought they were fighting.
And then I got closer.
Jesus! They were clean mad for each other.
It was pure Horseback Mountain.
Brokeback Mountain.
Yeah, that image is so odd, I I don't even know what to say.
Just be pleased for him.
He's having a good week, too.
Anyways, I need to go back to set.
Just, before you go, I don't suppose you happened to see Billy William last night, did you? Oh, for fuck's sake.
He didn't come home? Oh, now don't get overexcited.
He's a grown man.
And he was with Simon, so Oh, come off it, mum.
Well, I'm sorry I asked now.
Look, don't you worry about it.
You just get off.
PHONE BUZZES Hello, Simon, pet! It's Moira! Thanks for calling me back.
Oh, no worries.
Is everything OK? Marcella all right? Oh, Marce is fine! She's got an acting job, no less.
Really? Oh, that's great.
And I was I was just wondering, erm, if you happened to see Billy uh, William at all, only his phone is off and I seem to remember that he mentioned he was meeting you last night.
Yeah.
I mean Yeah, that's right.
We, I mean Oh, Simon! Sorry, Moira.
Yeah, OK.
I'll make some calls.
I'll try and find him.
Thanks, Simon.
No worries.
So, Marcella's got an acting job? Oh, yes, she does, yep.
And it's the real McCoy.
She's running around holding ducks and everything.
Ducks? She turned up the other day covered in shite.
It's method stuff.
Like Daniel Day.
He would hold his own ducks.
The real actors hold the animals.
Yeah, great.
Right, well, I'll let you go, pet.
And do let me go if you hear from Billy, right? All right.
Bye, Moira.
Bye.
Ah, William.
II didn't hold the duck.
The lead actress holds the duck.
I pull a cart.
The duck just shat on me.
Oh.
CREW CHATTERS Ah, this is great.
So, gentlemen, we're going to go for a wide.
.
SARAH HICCUPS .
.
we're running a little behind on time, so just stay with me, OK? Thanks, guys.
These fucking hiccups! Every single day! Hiccups! What are we going to do? I mean, can we go with the hiccups? No, of course we can't go with the hiccups! She's ruining everything! I can't cure hiccups.
I understand you can't cure it, but I need some kind of support.
Sarah, you've got a massive spider in your cleavage! What?! No! No! Help! Help! Get it off me! Get it off me! Help! Oh! Oh, God! No! Help! Get it off! Help! Help me! Get it out! It's gone! It's gone, it's gone, it's gone.
What?! It's gone.
It must be inside me! No, no! Oh, my God, it's inside me! It's inside! I can feel it.
I can feel it in my vagina! No! Oh, I can feel it in my vagina! No! I can feel it in my vagina! I'm going to die! What's wrong with her vagina? Sarah.
Sarah? Sarah, there's no spider.
Come on, Sarah.
Come on, Sarah.
A spider sort of got Legs.
Legs.
Legs.
The legs.
It's gone.
It's gone now, anyway.
You're fine.
No-one's in.
Oh, thank God.
BILLY SNIFFS Fuck me, it's four o'clock.
I missed you.
Why do you think we never made a go of things? Luce, I'm in recovery at the moment, I can't commit to anyone.
You know, my sobriety has got to be the most I know.
No, I don't even want that, I just I don't want this, and I hate lying to Marce, so PHONE RINGING It's Marce.
BILLY GASPS Oh, no! What are we going to do?! BILLY SCREAMS Hey, Marce.
ON THE PHONE: Hey Luce, you in? Yeah.
Yeah, w-w-why, where are you? Well, filming finished early cos I gave someone a breakdown.
I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything? No, no, no, I'm fine, mate.
I'm going out in a bit, so Is Car in? No, s-she's not back yet.
ON THE PHONE: OK, all right, speak to you later.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
SCANNERS BEEPING I can't .
.
bear it.
I cannot bear it! I mean what are you doing? MARCELLA LAUGHS EGGS BREAKING JOHN SIGHS Well, those eggs are broken.
What are you doing here? Why didn't you take a basket? I mean, I can sort of understand the taking a risk w-with some bread o-or maybe some tins What can I say, John, I like to live dangerously.
What's in your basoh! Uh Very fancy! No ermyeah, it's, well it's my date that I, remember told you about.
"Date.
" What? Just hate that phrase, "date.
" So American.
"Date.
" OK, what would you call meeting up w-with a woman that you're interested in romantically at an agreed time and place? Boring.
It wasn't boring.
Oh! Went very well Well, good for you.
Nice.
S-She's actually, she's coming over for dinner tonight so Oh, cool.
PHONE CHIMES BASKET THUDS Oh, it's Karen, my date.
She's cancelled, she's She's broken her arm.
Wow! MARCELLA CHUCKLES Broken her arm? Sounds like bullshit, mate.
Do you think? Yes.
SCANNER BEEPING I meanit might not be bullshit, she might have broken her arm.
I don't know her, got weak arms? She's got lovely arms.
All right, OK, maybe she has then.
Yeah.
OK, yeah.
I guess.
Right? Yeah.
Right, well, ermI better go and put this stuff back.
Oh, see you back Hey! Why don't we go for a drink? What, now? Yeah, fuck it! It's not like you got a date.
OK, yeah.
Yeah? Fuck it! FOOTSTEPS Marcella, there is something deeply wrong with you.
Just dump that.
What were you trying to do? I was trying to scare her to get rid of the hiccups.
Poor girl, no, I-I actually, I knew a guy like that once, when I was a broker.
He used to cry when he saw mice.
You were a broker? Yeah.
Like "buy, buy, sell, sell"? Yeah, yeah, e-exactly like that.
What happened? No, I wasI was really shit, something I kind of fell into and erm .
.
took me a while to realise that I hated it.
So you became a driving instructor? Yeah, that'd be why Well, that's one of the things Well, actually I-I bought the driving school.
What do you mean, what do you mean o-one of the things? I own a bowling alley.
SHE LAUGHS No, you don't.
I-I own a bowling alley.
You don't own a bowling alley! I do.
What's so funny? Do you do shifts at the bowling alley? If we were really busy working, yeah, I'd lend a hand.
Do you like bowling? No, hate it.
I fucking hate it! Do you like teaching people to drive? Well .
.
well, that kind of depends on the people.
Good answer.
Erm Another one? Yes, please! MUSIC: Bring It On Home To Me by Sam Cooke Bring your sweet loving' Bring your sweet loving' Yeah.
Merlot? Is it? No, it's No, we're not animals.
Ah! Yeah Yeah This is a smoker's corner.
Do you smoke? No.
Oh? Sometimes.
Do you smoke? Smoked for the first time when I was I rang my dadand I cried.
MARCELLA LAUGHS It's not my lucky, it's not lucky .
.
but it is sort of my lucky pineapple.
Come on, this should be easy.
Um Come on! Yep, OK.
MUSIC: Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi This is the bit, this is the bit.
# I'm wanted # SHE SINGS: Want No, this is the wrong bit! Dead or TROMBONE SCREECHES MARCELLA SINGS Wanted Where isthere was another wanted! I'm wanted SIMON SINGS Wanted! Oh! No, no I think you've broke my trombone.
I think you're giving me a tromboner.
No? I-Ilisten to me.
I'm really glad that I .
.
saw you at the supermarket.
No, you're not.
I've ruined your evening, I made you play the trombone.
No, I never played the trombone before so now I can You know, I can MUSIC: Walk The Line by Halsey You've got a way to keep me on your side I haven't erm I haven't been with anyone since You knowsince Simon.
What? I haven't with a different So you're We should have some more booze and Bon Jovi.
Let's have some more booze, and more Bon Jovi.
Um Yeah.
Yeah.
CLEARING HIS THROA # Wanted Wanted! Dead or alive.
Dead or alive.
That's what you sounded like at two this morning.
On repeat! You cock blocked yourself with Jovi, again! Oh, God What happened? You come home from the supermarket then you rocked up here pissed at 1am.
I met John when I was out.
Who's John? My driving instructor.
Oh, yes! I thought there was something there.
He's fit.
No, it's not like I mean, he is cute but But what? I don't have that feeling of impending doom I get when I know I like someone.
You know, he's handsome, and he is very nice.
But we all know SOUTHERN AMERICAN ACCEN The Governor don't do nice! Is your vagina Proud Mary? Oh, her vagina is not proud.
Oi! Your vagina is an old baked bean tin - rusty.
Your vagina is the MySpace of vaginas - obsolete.
Your vagina is a f Shit! I can't.
I'm out, I'm too hung over.
So nothing happened at all? No Well, no.
You should have just shagged him! Get it done with for fuck's sake! Well, what's wrong with you? Nothing, it's just I mean we're in our 30s and we're still talking about boys like we're teenagers.
Still making the same mistakes.
What? I didn't even do anything! Even the boobs didn't get a run out! I literally How have I made a mistake? She was with Simon for like 12 years.
I just think you can't accept as a fact that you don't go for nice men.
I mean, where does that leave us? MARCELLA SIGHS I just told you, it's not me.
WHISPERS: It's this punk.
Hey, what time's your screening next week? Eight o'clock.
So, and on that, do you think I should invite John? Yes! Of course you should invite him! Mate, you've got to You are way too much this morning, you've got to calm down.
Bring it all right down, all that negativity that you're giving me.
Can we get lights, please! Where is the duck?! The duck's dead! The dog ate him.
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS WHISPERING Shit! WHISPERING Where is the duck?! Hi, Marcella.
Oh, Sarah.
I'm so sorry Oh, no, it's fine.
I just hate spiders so, so much.
Yeah, that's just I've was bitten in Australia when I was 22 and I just Ah, I could feel it on me! It felt big.
Was it big? SARAH SIGHS It was big.
Yeah, it was pretty big.
Well, thank you.
It's like they're out for me.
Who? Spiders.
And I just don't get good vibes off of beetles either if I'm honest.
Sarah! Oh, anyway I know there was no spider by the way.
What? You made it up.
Some kind of sickened joke.
But there was no spider.
OK.
I want to make sure that we get things right There There was a spider.
You winked at me.
Yes Ah! So you admit that you winked at me? Yes! OK, I winked at you cos I was flirting with you.
You're .
.
you're a very attractive man.
Right? Right, yeah.
I've not considered that, yes.
Well, um HE SIGHS Look, I'm not 100% ruling you out but I think it's going to be a no for me, babe.
But .
.
let's def catch a beer at the screening.
Aw.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
SHE WHISPERS: Fucking cunt.
ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS But you are more beautiful than all the paddy fields in China.
Will you be married to me? Forever? Yes.
APPLAUSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS It was brilliant! Well done! Aw, thanks Mum I thought it was a bit shit but I'm joking, well done.
Do you want a drink? Yes, please! Can I get a red wine, please? I'm going to the loo, Mum, I'll be two secs.
Oh, hey, Marcella.
Hey! Hi.
Yeah, you came! I was I, uhI was worried you weren't going to come.
It was great.
Thank you.
Erm It's really nice you're here, uhcos, uhwell the other night when Uhoh, sorry, this is erm Hey.
Karen, uhmy friend.
Oh Marcella, Karen.
Yeah Hi.
It was excellent.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks so much, thanks Thanks for both of you for coming so much.
I actually was just on my way to the bathroom so I'll be like .
.
I'll be in the bathroom for a minute.
And then I'll We'll be at the bar.
I'll see you at the bar, I'll see you at the bar, cool.
BILLY SNORTING Are you fucking joking? It'syeah, um Marce, it's no big deal.
The film was really good by the way.
Like, ten stars.
Ten stars? Give me the coke.
Look, I'm I'm sensing a little bit of hostility coming my way.
So, I think just dial it down.
Great, give me the coke, Billy.
OK, um, I'm notI'm not going to do that.
Oh, you're not going to do that? I'm not going to do that.
You're not going to do that? But You're going to walk out, is that what you think? You are That's what you're going to Yeah Give me the coke! Give me the coke! Get off me! You're not going out there with that! Give me the fucking Ow! Marce! Fucking hell! You're not going out there! Please stop! OW! Calm down! You're being aggressive! Give me the fucking coke! Fine! FOOTSTEPS What's wrong? Where's my mum? She's over there talking to the director.
Billy was just taking coke in the toilet.
What? No, he wouldn't What do you call that then? The director seems very nice.
He has three Alsatians, did you know that? Right.
And he doesn't own a washing machine.
Really? Dirty bastard.
Imagine having three Alsatians and no washing machine.
Where's William? Uh, Billy had tohe had to go.
He had to shoot off.
I better be going too.
Well done again! Don't let it ruin your night.
OK? You can deal with it tomorrow.
Fuck's sake He'll be fine, Lucy's with him.
You were brilliant, mate, really good! Come on, let's get you a drink.
No, it's like a worm but with feet.
OK, cool, where do you stand on tapas? What? Thought maybe you and I could "tap ass" together later.
Yes, I would, that sounds nice, I would love to tap ass, very hungry.
Starving.
OK, I'll get my coat.
You are not going to tap ass with this guy.
Yes, I am going to tap ass with this guy! I'm going to tap ass with that fucking goblin-sold, hat-wearing fuck head.
It's been too long! Maybe I'll break MY arm! Tap ass is very dangerous in Spain, except they were bull-fighting.
MUSIC: Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi A cowboy SHE SINGS: A cowboy, on a steel horse I ride! Wanted Wanted Hmm? # Dead or alive.
# What are you doing? Look, I-I-I don't want to sound insecure because you know I'm not.
But I-I-I'm starting to think that you might not be very attracted to me.
Hmm MUSIC: Good Girls by The Ronettes # Good girls # Good girls # Good girls never kiss goodnight on the first date # No, not the good girls # Good girls treat the fellas nice and wait # Yeah the good girls#