GameFace (2017) s01e05 Episode Script


TV: He's got two dicks, get out! I don't care how many dicks he's got, he saved my life! Pause it.
I need the loo.
God, I'm so broke.
Hey, Marcella, there's no toilet roll! It's your turn to buy some.
There's only two more episodes, and then I'll go.
No, no, no.
You need to go now! Why don't you use the bath mat? Your slippers are in here, Marcella.
And so help me God, I will destroy them with my arse if you do not go to the shop! OK, I'll go.
Don't need to go full Bear Grylls about it.
I'm going! BACKGROUND MUSIC Oi! I I I left these here earlier, act- It's my pub.
It's not your pub.
It's people like you that make decent women like me have to drip dry.
Fine! Hey.
HE GASPS Fruit, Marcella! Well done, you.
Bravo! Very proud.
That is fantastic.
That is Just an Just an apple, mate.
Um So, before we get started, I am going to have to take a little break from this.
Really? Why? I'm just really skint at the moment and my mum bought the first sessions and now I just can't afford to keep it.
OK, Marcella.
I don't think we have to stop just because of lack of funds.
I think we can come to some arrangement.
Arrangement? You don't want a go on the old waltzers, do you? No! I don't want a go on the old waltzers.
No, I I do find it interesting that you would rather joke about your breasts than talk honestly about money.
Um It's obviously very emotional for you.
# I get so emotional, baby.
# If I don't Marcella.
It's not emotional, is it? What is it, then? Tell me.
Well I was so excited about getting an actual part in a film.
And then I found out, you know, the part wasn't particularly well-paid.
Barely paid It wasn't paid.
Ah, I see.
And all the cast are posh, and 24, with at least one family member in the business.
How does that make you feel? Super horny, actually.
Really? No, that's Yep.
How do you think it makes me feel? It's a constant feeling of worry and impending doom and every situation becomes a minefield.
Oh, in what way? And then I said to him, and you'll like this I said, it's Mauritius, not Sidcup.
THEY LAUGH Are you sure you don't want to order a main, Marcella? No, no.
I'm absolutely This is a lot more filling than it looked, actually, so Garcon? Can we get two more bottles of the Pinot Noir, please? Oh, can we get some white as well? I'm actually good.
I'll have another water, actually.
Tap water.
Keep it coming.
Keep it coming! Fuck it! Let's get a bottle of champagne! Ooh, champagne! ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYS ELEGANT MUSIC CONTINUES Right.
How shall we do this? Is everybody OK if we split .
it? DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS Marcella, are you all right if we split it? Oh, yeah.
No worry.
I didn't eat anything, but It's fine.
Cos I am far too pissed to work it out.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Please go through.
Thanks, Madam.
That's gone through.
Thank you.
It's not bad, really.
L72 each.
Why didn't you just say? Because I don't know them very well, and I'm older than them.
And I didn't want to be the guy that makes everyone go through the bill.
I mean, everybody hates that guy.
They don't, do they? Do they? Even if the guy didn't have the sirloin? What sirloin? No, sorry, cos You said everyone hate Marcella.
Acting is what you said you wanted, OK? And sacrifices have to be made.
Maybe there are other ways to save money.
You're not on about a sex arrangement again, are you? No! Yeah, I I'm using all of the ways to save money.
I'm back waiting for the yellow stickers again.
It's humiliating.
What're the yellow stickers? No.
Who needs six chickens that go out of date in five hours? Listen here, teeth.
I've been working this store for three years.
I've seen off your kind before.
You do not want to dance with me! Nutter.
Oi, teeth! Don't you go at that fucking sourdough.
Move it, grandad! Looks like there's a new dancer in town.
Ah, well, that explains it.
Yeah, been eating out of date bread for 24 hours.
I'm gluten intolerant.
My chins are swelling.
OK, right.
Well Tell me what is going well.
Your family? No.
Billy's still on cocaine.
And my mum doesn't know.
So, that just feels like a shitstorm waiting to happen.
What about your father? Can you tell him? No way am I telling my dad.
He is not what you would call a calm man.
Oh, in what way? He's the kind of man that goes full, like, Joe Pesci if he doesn't get enough gravy.
What then? Well, he gets enough gravy then, mate.
He shouts and hollers about it till his plate's brimming with the stuff.
No, what is going well? I mean, it's important to acknowledge what's good.
Yeah, OK.
Uh My driving lessons.
I'm still doing my driving lessons, that's Good.
I like Jon.
Jon? OK.
As a friend or? Um We went out the other night.
We had a really nice time.
Something nearly sort of happened.
And then I saw him with a date and I felt hella jealous.
Well, maybe tell him that you might have romantic feelings for him? No offence, but suck my balls.
What is the worst thing that can happen if you tell him? Um Jon I like you.
Jesus! CARS HONK Are you withholding feelings for Jon because you still feel you're not ready for a sexual relationship? I mean, Simon was your only partner for 12 years.
No I Maybe.
Let's workshop this.
I'm Jon.
OK? Tell me what you feel for me.
No way in caps! Uh Marcella.
I think it's time.
Please? OK.
Hi, Jon.
I like you.
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: Why, you're a bonny lass! And I'm glad you were brave to confess what's in your wee heart! Was happening? What's going on now? You said Jon was Scottish.
No! He's Irish.
He's Irish! I can't do Irish.
Thank God.
I will say something to Jon.
If I feel it, and the time's right, I will say something.
OK? Being able to be intimate with someone in a sexual way I think is very important to our wellbeing.
I know, I know.
I just don't know if the timing's right at the moment.
I mean, after this I've got to go round to my mum's and tell her that her golden boy's back on drugs.
I'm not feeling particularly frisky.
Are you sure you don't want me to cook you something? Oh, no.
This is great, Mum, thank you.
It's great to see you.
I, uh I'm going to talk to you about something.
CAT MEOWS Would you ever feck off, Orlando? You've had two lamb chops and a packet of Wotsits and you're back for more.
Is it a lion you think you are? Mum, why are you feeding him Wotsits? The vet said he's not allowed cheese any more.
But, his depression came back hard so I'm using the Wotsits as a substitution.
A cheesy methadone.
What did you want to talk about? You're not working this week.
Are you all right for money? I'm fine, it's Because now is not the time to not be earning.
Especially, you know, a single woman getting older.
You need to be sure that you're looking after yourself.
These are your earning years.
You need to be realistic.
Mum, that's not what I'm trying to Well, you see all of these people on X Factor and they all want to be stars.
Nobody wants a normal life any more.
There's no shame in a decent, normal life.
OK, Mum.
I get it.
You were great though.
Well, you obviously don't really think that.
You basically just told me to give up, so No! You were brilliant! I'm very proud of you.
Of you and William.
I have wonderful children.
How is Billy, William? Ah, he's great.
You know, it's wonderful to see him doing so well.
I made a spaghetti Bolognese last night for him and Orlando.
And the three of us sat and watch Grand Designs together.
And you know, it was the happiest I've been in a long time.
It's a wonderful show.
The family had to sleep in a petrol station because the house they designed melted.
Melted? You know, that last time with William was very hard for me.
I didn't want to worry you, but I didn't sleep for two weeks.
So, fingers crossed he'll stay off it this time.
I have a good feeling.
What do you mean, yeah? Nothing, I Why are you feeding Orlando spaghetti Bolognese? Honestly, you should listen to her podcast.
She wanked herself into a coma.
Wow! Sounds like my kind of girl.
You're not going to try anything on? Nope.
Nothing ever fits me in these places.
Only hats.
Excuse me? Hey.
Have you got any hats? Oh.
Even their heads were tiny.
Is this Were these for adult women? Yeah.
You look terrible.
Listen, it's not my fault you've got a boulder head.
Oh, that's a real boner maker of a dress, that.
Your boobs look incredible.
It's an authentic 1950s American prom dress.
Amazing, isn't it? Imagine the woman who wore this.
What was she like? Racist as fuck.
SHE LAUGHS You dick.
I'm just jealous, mate.
Nothing ever fits.
Which is lucky, cos I can't afford anything.
So, are you going to make a move on Jon? CAROLINE MOCKS: Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought it was a gear stick.
Wow, that That joke is terrible.
And the impression? Pretty hateful, actually.
I do like him, though.
Sod it.
Just say something.
There's just a lot going on though, isn't there? I went round to my mum's to tell her about Billy.
When I got round there, I just bailed.
I feel like she gets all of the stress.
Lucy was saying we should sort an intervention.
Maybe call your dad.
Lucy? So, they are shagging again? Who knows? Well, you obviously know.
You just basically told me.
Maybe I should call my dad.
But he's such a fucking loose cannon.
Maybe call Simon.
They are close.
SHE SIGHS It'd be weird.
We haven't even spoken about that night he came around pissed.
He was drunk.
His mum had just died.
I don't think you should look too much into it.
He's not a bad guy.
And he does care about Billy.
Oh, hello! At last, something vintage a woman over size 12 can wear.
Oof! You got this in green? I'm going.
I don't give a rat's ass! What am I paying you for? Huh?! I tell you what, you get your scrawny dick out of your fat hands, and you get this sorted! Oh, I tell you what, Damon.
You're some piece of shit, boy! No, you're worse! Hey! Hey, you're what shit would shit if shit could shit, you hear me? Now, you get this sorted, or I swear to God, I'll come down there and I'll beat you to death with a brogue, you hear me? Christ! Hi, Dad.
Wait, what's the story? Oh, well, nice to see you too.
How am I? Jesus, Marcella, why do we have to meet in the middle of the day in this shithole? The place is full of cunts.
Brexit Britain! Dad, could you just sit down and act like a normal human being and like small talk for like ten seconds? Hey, boy! Can I get a cup of tea over here? Right, come on.
What's going on? Yeah, I knew this was a bad idea.
I wanted to talk to you about something, but I forgot, you're a nutter.
Are you OK? It's all right.
I'm calm now, all right? I'm calm.
You need to stay calm.
Uh Billy's back on coke.
The stupid shit fucker! Dad! He's only just after coming out of freaking rehab! Do know how much that place cost me? TUNING GUITAR Well, I don't give a shit how much that place cost you! Hey! Are you fucking serious? I don't think so, pal.
(Oh, my God.
) Hey, does your mother know? No, she doesn't.
I I want to sort a intervention where we all tell Billy how he's making us feel, how he's hurting himself Jesus, Marcella.
You are watching too much TV! Intervention? There'll be a fecking intervention all right.
Don't you worry about that! I'll get a couple of the boys off the site to bundle him in the back of the van and we'll dry him out in the attic.
Nick Cotton the fucker! Nick Cotton? Yeah, EastEnders.
Dot kidnapped her junkie son, Nick Cotton, to get him off the drugs.
I think you're the one who's been watching too much TV, Dad.
He's a junkie! He needs tough love! Dad, I'm sorting a proper intervention for your son.
I just want to know if you want to be involved in that.
All right.
But, if this doesn't work, Marcella Yeah, yeah, I know, I know You'll You'll Nick Cotton the fucker, yeah.
TUNING GUITAR Hey! It's 4pm! Feck off and get yourself a job! Sorry.
Jesus! Watch out.
So, I You know the other night when we nearly What other night, the screening? When you went for tapas Watch out! No, uh, no.
Not that.
When we went for drinks and, also, nothing happened with tapas guy.
It's none of my business.
So CAR SCREECHING You have to remember to indicate! Well Sorry! Sorry, I know I know I was really shit today.
I just I I couldn't concentrate and I wanted to You can't not concentrate while you're operating a vehicle.
I know! I just I've got I've got so much on my mind.
And I am nervous because I wanted to talk to you about No, Marcella! Whatever is on your mind doesn't matter! Around every corner is a woman with a pram.
How many times do I have to say it? You concentrate at all times! No excuses! OK, OK I have got that.
So Yeah.
Now, what's on your mind? Yeah, what is so important that you almost killed an old lady on a zebra crossing? Do you know what, honestly? It's fine.
It's It's absolutely fine, so don't worry about it.
I will just I will just see you Thursday, I reckon.
So, see you later! Marcella.
Hey! All right? Hey.
How are you doing? Thanks for meeting me.
No worries, I'm glad you called.
Um, where's I've forgotten your wife's name.
She's at home, yeah.
I hope she doesn't mind you Guessing it's fine.
No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
I'll get us a drink, then you can tell me about this film that you're doing.
Something about a duck? Your dad's mad, isn't he? Dot kidnapped Nick Cotton in EastEnders.
No, no, I know.
It doesn't sound like your dad's changed at all.
Do you remember that time when he had that prawn curry? He didn't think it had enough prawns in it.
And it was like he was being short-changed.
He started scooping them out and then start counting, "Two, three, four Nine prawns? "Is that all? Wait, that's more than ?1 a prawn!" That's, I mean It'srude.
I'll be two secs.
Hey, Marcella, it's John.
Um Listen, I just wanted to apologise for today.
You know? I was I was very hard on you.
And I'm sorry.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I was I was all over the place, so it's totally fine.
Do you want to talk about it? No No It's just, I've got a lot of family stuff and And when we got pissed the other night, I just, erm I suppose I felt like we had a really nice time.
And Iwas wondering if, erif you felt Yeah! No, we had a great time.
I really enjoy your company.
Obviously apart from when you're driving.
You working tomorrow? No.
Well, how about, you know, we do something? Only if you want.
Um No driving.
Just fun things.
I can show you my bowling alley.
Wow, that sounds like a euphemism, but lovely.
Ah, OK.
Um, I'll pick you up at about one tomorrow? OK, one.
I'll see you.
Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye.
Just get the memory out.
No, I don't, actually.
OK, it's just that But I like that you do it.
All right, Dad? Come here, you! What's going on? DOOR CLOSES Hi, Michael.
Um, who's Who's Nick Cotton? Ooh, shit.
You put You put a whole pie in your bag! Simon, it wasn't a whole pie.
It was a little a sliver.
Mm, no, it was a whole pie.
Mm, yeah, it wasn't! No, you were like this.
This is you in Crete.
Pie, bag.
What, like a Like a? Oh, you're doing a monkey's face.
Like a Cretian monkey.
Right, OK.
It was a tiny little sliver that I saved.
I need to wee.
You're the loo roll thief.
Non, non, non, eh Qu'est-ce que c'est je me confused.
Je m'appelle Claudette.
'oliday from Paris.
Are you pretending you're French? Oui, no.
I vacation Come on, sling your hook.
Get out! Je deteste le pub.
We need to go.
Now! Why? I'll tell you in a minute.
You never know what can happen with you, do you? You need money.
No, I'm fine.
It's fine, is it? That's why you're nicking loo rolls.
What, don't laugh! It's I'm fine.
It was just toilet paper.
All right, OK.
It's just toilet paper.
But I'm just saying if If you did need money, just So, um How's married life treating you? You guys going to start for a family soon? I don't know.
I guess.
I always said you'd make a great dad.
Always said it.
So So, there's Look at us, talking like grown-ups about this.
Who would have thought we would ever be able to speak to each other like this again? It's, er I don't like it.
Why? Cos I always thought we'd have kids.
Simon You can't say that to me.
I I've had to put that away.
I put I worked so hard.
I did.
I do.

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