Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s01e07 Episode Script

The Sponsor

1 What to get, what to get Are your eel nuggets in season? They've been in the freezer for five years.
Very nice.
Let's go with those.
And make it snappy.
You'll get whatever I find in the fryer and like it.
Oh, and send a basket of blowholes over to that cute brunette at table three.
Look at you, throwing around blowhole money.
Well, you know, it's not every day your team gets invited to their first international gaming league tournament.
Cancel the blowholes, cancel the blowholes! We're not in the tournament yet.
We still need to get a sponsor to cover our $500 entry fee.
Relax, woman.
Conor's on the job.
So, gamers, today I'm gonna show you how to get your squad a big-time sponsor.
It's all about contacts.
And I'm swimming in those.
When you're Kid Fury, it's as simple as picking up the phone.
Hey, Bobby Daniels.
It's Conor.
Yeah, no, I'm still playing.
Doing the team thing now.
We're known as Thumb of hello? Denise.
The big D.
De-nice talking to you.
It's Conor.
Conor! Kid Fury? Yeah, the skinny, freckled kid.
Hello? Well, I never liked you either, Todd! If I was dead, I wouldn't actually be talking to you, now would I? Hey, guys, good news.
You see, Conor is not the only one with contacts.
I already worked my magic, and got us a sponsor.
"Bob's Irregular Pet Emporium.
" Oh, I love their commercial.
If it's got an extra tail Come on down, 'cause it's on sale The best part is, we only owe Bob 25 bucks apiece for these dope shirts.
Score! The score is Bob one, Wendell nothing.
Sponsors are supposed to give us money.
One of Bob's pets got in the box.
- It's a Peruvian slap slug.
- What's a slap slug? That's a slap slug.
[title music.]
1x07 - The Sponsor "We don't catch it till you order it"? It's Billy's new fresh seafood promotion.
He's taking it really seriously.
Squid's up! They didn't order squid, they ordered trout.
Trout's up! Hey, Conor.
There's the man of the hour.
So what big-time sponsor did you get us? Well ya know, right now, it's all about irons in the fire.
Puttin' out feelers, creatin' a buzz.
- He's got nothin'.
- No, I do not.
My irons are cold, my feelers are numb, and I got no buzz.
No buzz! Great.
So we're not going to our first league tournament? - All my friends were gonna be there.
- It was just gonna be us.
All my friends were gonna be there.
If you guys are still looking for a sponsor, I'm your man, man.
You guys are my best friends.
We're your best friends?! Dude, you gotta get out more.
You know, if you guys wore some of my squid gear in that tournament, it'd be a great way to promote the restaurant.
Heck yeah, it would.
Last time I gamed in public, all eyes were on Wendell Ruckus.
That's because you were gaming at a funeral.
You yelled out, "I'm glad you're dead, zombie scum.
" Hey, we all grieve in our own way.
So, gamers, that's how you get a sponsor.
Sometimes, 18 top gaming companies aren't a creative match, but when you're good, eventually a sponsor will step up.
All we have to do now is go to the most important gaming tournament our team has ever played in, wearing this really cool squid gear.
[forced laughter.]
I-It's gonna be great.
Just great.
[phone rings.]
Game Corp? Game Corp is the hottest gaming company in the world, and they're calling me.
Calling me! [cackles.]
Yes, yes, yes, yes! This is Conor speaking.
I can't believe we're at the actual Game Corp headquarters.
- Everything's a game here.
- Yeah, it is.
When I went to the bathroom, I scored 50,000 points - just for peeing in the urinal.
- Ah, yeah! Do you wanna know how I got a double bonus? No, we do not.
- Why do you think they asked us here? - I don't know, but when the president of Game Corp says he wants to meet, you show up.
Just sit down and be cool.
Okay Just stand up and be cool.
Larry Stone.
You're welcome.
Bring it in, brochachos.
Word on the street is you're looking for a sponsor.
Would I like to sponsor you? No.
Would I love to sponsor you? Yes.
I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm totally confused.
Look, I've already thought of how to pitch you guys.
The comeback kid [chuckles.]
and his band of nobodies! Hey.
I'm somebody.
I'm the guy who chucks rats at other rats at the junkyard.
I want Thumbs of Fury to be the new face of Game Corp.
And we're behind you guys 100%.
Two sponsors in one day? We're on fire.
Whoa, whoa, back up the tomato truck, kid.
The Game Corp is exclusive.
We'd be your only sponsor.
Okay? We'll take you to the prom, but we're the only one you're allowed to dance with.
Danny Tiffle already asked me to the prom.
- Okay, uh, time to make a decision.
- Look, Larry, we are really flattered that Game Corp wants to be our sponsor, but I'm not sure we can turn our backs on Billy.
Well, I don't know who Billy is, but is he offering each of you a swag package like this? - I'm in! - Me, too.
- Deal.
- Who's Billy? I don't know if I have the heart to tell Billy he's out as our sponsor.
Why isn't Conor doing this? Because he and Wendell are signing the contracts.
I doubt that Billy will even care.
[over PA.]
Welcome to Billy the Squid's, proud sponsor of gaming squad Thumbs of Fury! He might care a smidge.
Well, who's gonna tell him? I'll handle it.
Hey, Billy.
Franklin has something to tell you.
Well, here's the thing.
- When you said you'd be our sponsor - Which I am so excited about.
Uh We didn't have a sponsor, and we really needed one.
That is why I stepped up, - because you guys are my best friends.
What we're trying to tell you is we're going to the prom with Larry Stone.
Oh! What happened to Danny Tiffle? Did him get back with Mackenzie? Billy, you're out.
Game Corp is gonna be our sponsor for the IGL tournament.
But it was a really tough decision.
Until we saw all that cool free stuff.
Then it was a no-brainer.
Well, I am a little sad, but it's not like I'm going to run into the kitchen, start crying like a baby, knock myself out with a frying pan to forget the pain of rejection.
I mean, come on.
[forced chuckling.]
[agonized yell.]
[loud clank.]
Gonna need a bigger pan! [louder clank.]
Bigger still.
[louder clank.]
Yep, that be the one [body thudding.]
There's my squad.
Lookin' good, you guys! That's a lie.
You look terrible.
Which is why you are each getting an image upgrade.
Gonna really highlight your individual strengths.
Hang on, Larry.
We're not about being individuals.
We're four equals working together as a team.
- You're gonna be the hero.
- I totally see that.
Me showcased out front.
Them somewhere in the back.
- Wendell, you are gonna be our bad boy.
- Already am, Lar.
You're lookin' at the guy who's never lifted a toilet seat in his life.
- Ashley, you're gonna be the beauty.
- Oh, here we go.
Just because I'm the girl, I have to be the beauty.
We'll make Conor the beauty.
No, I'm the girl! I get to be the beauty! And you [sighs.]
- you're gonna be our little surprise.
- Whoo! My parents always said I was their little surprise.
Ricardo, play me that music that's in my head.
[lively music plays.]
Introducing Thumbs of Fury 2.
0! It's Conor! It's Wendell! Give it up for Ashley! And the final member of Thumbs of Fury - Yeah, Franklin.
- It's Kwon! Kwon? Who's Kwon? Oh, no.
They gave Franklin a head transplant.
And they're calling him Kwon! Quick question, Lar.
What did you do with Franklin? Yeah, bad gamer.
Hard to look at.
Besides, you're gonna love Kwon.
Third-best gamer in South Korea.
- Total beast.
- Now this feels like a team.
Larry, we can't just cut Franklin.
He's a part of our squad.
Quit livin' in the past, Conor.
We've all moved on.
I can't believe they cut Franklin.
Just showed him the exit.
Actually, it was a trapdoor in his dressing room that dropped him into a dumpster.
- Larry let me press the button.
- You did not.
I had to push it! A trapdoor button?! That's bucket list stuff.
Okay, guys, we need to make a very serious decision.
Do we stick by our friend, who's admittedly an average gamer and may be holding the team back, or do we go with Game Corp who ALL: Yes.
Guess that was an easier decision than I thought.
We'll have to break it to him gently.
Poor guy's gonna be devastated.
I couldn't be happier for you guys! So you're okay with being off the team? Well, I'm not the right fit for every squad.
You know, this year alone, I've been kicked off 46 teams.
- Uh 47.
- Good catch, sir.
Well, don't you sprout any new freckles over me.
You know, Billy still wanted to sponsor a team, - so I went ahead and started my own.
- You got your own team? I mean Of course you did.
People would wanna play with you.
I know I do.
I mean, I did.
I don't anymore, but I would if I didn't not want to play with you, you know what I'm saying? No, sir.
But I'll tell you what I do know.
My new team has a lot of potential.
There they are.
Uh, I think one of your teammates is playing a garage door opener.
It's not a controller.
You know that.
He knows that.
Anyway, we gotta polish up before the tourney.
So good luck.
You're gonna need it.
I guess we will.
Please tell me Conor wants back on the team.
'Cause he means everything to me.
He doesn't want back on the team.
Good, 'cause he means nothing to me.
Don't blame Conor.
Thumbs of Fury has a great opportunity, and they're taking it.
I only put together this band of misfits so Conor wouldn't feel bad for me.
I don't wanna hold them back.
Band of misfits? I know what a group of winners looks like when I see them.
And I'm proud to be their sponsor.
Let's celebrate.
- No! What's happening? - Oh, no! Conor, this is a big mistake.
We should already be at the tournament.
I'm telling you guys, Franklin tried to put up a brave face, but he's really broken up about this.
Guys, what are you doing here, huh? And where are your outfits?! We gotta get you to the tourney.
Butts, limo, pronto.
Look, Larry.
When we signed with you, we signed as a team.
So if you're not willing to take Franklin back then we're out.
Team's sticking together.
That's impressive.
You're out.
ALL: What?! You heard him.
You guys are out.
- You're out, too.
- Oh, come on! But without us, Game Corp won't have a team in the tournament.
You didn't think about that, did you, Lar? - You don't have backups.
- Send in the backups! He has backups? Oh, come on! Well, us Type A's always have a Plan B, so C U later.
Into the limo, guys.
Well, now what are we gonna do? We're gonna go down to that tournament, get our team back together, - and kick some Game Corp butt.
- It starts in ten minutes.
And this place is in the middle of nowhere.
There's no way we can get there without Larry's limo.
Yes, there is.
The dirt bikes? None of us have ridden dirt bikes before.
Well, yeah.
But we played Motocross Mayhem for 12 hours last weekend.
- We can do this! - You're right.
Hold on.
This one doesn't have handlebars.
Oh, it's a British model.
Game on.
- We gotta hurry! - Whoo! - Whoa! - Let's go! On your right, Ashley.
Hurry up.
- Oh, yeah! - Whoo! - Oh, come on! - Let's go! Almost there.
- Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! Franklin, we're sorry.
We should've stood by you, and we didn't.
We got distracted by the fancy gifts and limo rides.
And Kwon, who I miss terribly.
But if you'll have us back, we'd love to play with you on Team Squid.
You guys walked away from Game Corp to play with me? Of course we did.
Because we're not Thumbs of Fury without you.
Now do you think there's any way you could take us back? - Yes, I can, sir.
- What about your team of weirdos? Yeah, security kinda chased 'em out after they got a little too friendly with the buffet.
That explains why I saw a lady shoving a ham down her pants.
Welcome back, guys.
You can now proudly wear your squid lids! Uh [rueful chuckle.]
there's no time to put them on! The tournament's about to start.
- It'll only take a second.
- No time! So, gamers, that's how you find the right sponsor.
One that respects your team, Franklins and all.
It was a great moment for Thumbs of Fury, but what made it even better is that we did it as a team.
Step up, right here! This guy.
Get on him.
Come on, Franklin, get the last kill.
Get in there, get that guy and kill him! You have this, Franklin.
You can do it! You are getting beaten by children! I just took him out.
What does that mean? ALL: We won! For Pete's sake! I Oh! This beautiful moment is sponsored by Billy the Squid's restaurant.
It may not be fish, but we found it in the ocean! I can't believe I did it.
This is the best moment of my life.
You gotta let me tell him that you were secretly using his controller for the final kill.
You tell him, and you're gonna have to deal with me.
I'm not afraid of you, Ashley.
I just don't feel like telling him anymore.
It doesn't look like our boy Larry is taking the loss so well.
You guys are a disgrace to Game Corp, okay? You were supposed to win, and then you didn't, you lost like a bunch of lose-y losers! Oh, this is backfiring! Hey, lookin' good, Lar.
That's a lie.
You're lookin' terrible.
Uh, hey, guys, we gotta get out of here.
That lady on Franklin's team isn't the only one with hams in her pants.
I'm glad we got to keep some of the Game Corp swag.
Yeah, but these gaming underpants are not very comfortable.
- Ugh.
- Gaming underpants? Dude, are you talking about the tote bag? That explains all the bunching.
Man, I miss Kwon.

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