Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s01e06 Episode Script

The Rival's Arrival

1 What up, gamers? We're here today to announce my new team.
And to all my fans around the world, there's something I want to share with you guys.
Ashley! Sorry.
I'm still learning these sound effects.
That's why we're rehearsing.
So we don't mess it up for the actual live stream this weekend.
We can't come across as a bunch of noobs.
There's gonna be millions of people seeing this.
Millions of people here?! In my restaurant? Oh, no, I gotta get that toilet working.
No, Billy.
It's just a live stream.
It sure will be if I don't get that toilet working.
Wendell, you're late for our live stream run-through.
And, uh, what's up with that? Had to take my new girlfriend to the outlet mall for some fly threads.
Gotta keep her look on fleek.
Know what I'm sayin'? - No.
- Not really.
- On fleek? Sounds like he's got another fake girlfriend.
Like that supermodel from Sweden who's "always traveling.
" - Yeah.
- Supermodels travel a lot.
It makes total sense.
Don't worry, Wendell.
I believe you.
And if one day, your girlfriend actually shows up, - I'd love to get to know her.
- Good, 'cause here she comes now.
You!! I think he might know her.
1x06 - "The Rival's Arrival" Hey, gamers.
You may not know this, but every pro has a rival.
Mine is Lika.
She was my arch enemy on the solo gaming tour.
Why? 'Cause she's 100% evil.
Bam! Three years ago, at the Tokyo World Championship, she sabotaged my controller.
Two months later, she bribed a ref, and last year, she took the airbag out of her dad's car.
Why? Who does that?! Now Lika's back in town, and she's supposedly dating Wendell.
So here's how to stop your rival.
First step, figure out what she's up to.
Maybe I don't know what her plan is, but I'm planning to do whatever I need to do to stop her from doing what she's planning to do.
Yeah, no, that's right.
Sorry, ladies, but Big Dub's off the market.
Snooze you lose, Emma.
Shoulda put a ring on it, Katie.
Eyes up here, Madison.
Wendell, hey, can I talk to you for a sec? Not unless you're gonna apologize for body-slamming my girl's slammin' body.
Look, Lika is only pretending to be your girlfriend.
Oh, 'cause a guy like me couldn't get a girl like that? - Pffft.
- Oh, good.
You do understand.
Yeah, I understand you're jealous.
You know, T.
Swift was right.
Haters gonna hate, hate, hate.
Okay, I know that sounded bad, but my point is, she's up to something.
What you don't know about me is I have a way of growing on girls, like a fungus.
And there ain't no ointment, cream or powder that is going to cure this.
Oh, Franklin, we've got a problem.
Wendell didn't believe me about Lika.
You and Ashley are gonna have to help me prove who she really is, but you have to play it cool.
Oh, you can count on me, sir.
When it comes to playing it cool, there's no one cooler than Fire! Fire! We're all gonna die! Hey! Easy on those peanuts! - The sign says free.
- The first one's free.
The rest of them, seven dollars each.
Uh, what you wearin'? I watch a lot of cop shows.
This is the look that breaks people down, and makes them tell the truth.
Watch and learn.
Pop quiz, sister.
Where were you at 2:00 on the 13th? Uh, well, that'd be right now.
So here.
I guess your story checks out.
You know, Franklin, it's cool how loyal you are to Conor.
He must tell you every day how lucky he is to have you.
Well, not so much in words, but I can see it in his eyes when he yells at me to get him another Fro-yo.
It's nice to finally hang out with you guys.
I have been dying to meet Wendell's friends.
- In fact, this lunch is on me.
- Oh, that's nice.
But we'll see how nice you are when I order the captain's platter with two sides of sea snouts! You're funny.
And ya know, I gotta say it.
I love your hair.
I wish I had curls like that.
You wanna know my secret? - Shampoo.
- Oh Okay, guys, I know why you asked me here.
I'm sure you've heard some pretty bad things about me from Conor, and I'm not proud of them, but they're true.
Aha! The truth.
Told you I'd break her.
Break her like this pencil.
Break her like this toothpick.
The truth is, being on the professional gaming circuit is really cutthroat.
I guess the stress just got to me, and left me without any friends.
Conor's a good guy.
I hope that someday he can forgive me.
Are you buying this? - Not for a second! - Me neither.
What?! You're friends with Lika? She's evil.
Evil! She's the most kind-hearted person I've ever met.
If Wendell doesn't lock that down, I will.
Hey! Hey, guys.
Hey, guys, can I talk to you for a second in this booth over here? Look, Conor, if you have something to say, you can say it in front of our friend Lika.
It's fine.
Wendell, let's go to the ball crawl.
I'm not allowed in there anymore.
I can't tell you why.
Oh-ho-ho, I can tell you why.
Okay, look, I don't know what's going on here, but trust me, she's tricked you, which wouldn't be all that hard, Ashley, because you're kinda stup You're not very sm You're not what they call intell He's trying to say you're as dumb as a dumpster.
I had no idea that's where he was going.
I'll go join my real friends! - They're that way.
- Thank you.
I don't know what your problem is with Lika.
You have to show her a little more respect.
- I mean, she's our friend.
- Friend? What do you know about friends, Franklin? Before I came along, you didn't have any friends.
You're wrong about that, sir.
I've always had a friend.
My mom.
And excuse my language, but you're really starting to boil my bananas.
Hey, Franklin, check it out.
Lika just bought us some passes to the water park.
You wanna go? Sorry.
I'm not ready for the water park.
Now I am.
We skip go-karting with Lika, and that scab scratcher's not even here.
- You texted you wanted to apologize? - Well, I lied.
- Are you petting your drone? - No.
I don't have a cat.
Anyway, I have a video that shows you the truth about Lika.
I left my team tablet, which I loaded with fake gaming strategies right where I knew she'd see it.
Is she gonna call somebody, take it to the lost and found? No! She stole it like the thief she is.
Ha! I told you.
I told you, I told you He told us, he told us, he told us - Really? - But he told us.
I tried you warn you people.
I'm not mad.
Just disappointed.
Do you know why she took the tablet? Because she's a lowdown, filthy snake.
She had a customized leather cover put on it.
Well, that I did not know! But I know her, and she is no good.
- This is just sad.
- She's right.
- You need help, sir.
- Mhm.
I need help? Okay, you know what? If you guys don't believe me, then we're not a real team.
Maybe Lika should be your captain.
Yeah, good luck with your live stream.
I'm outta here.
Actually, I live here, so you guys should probably be the ones to go.
Another round of squid smoothies, Billy.
And keep 'em comin'.
I've never seen anyone drink so many of these things.
Actually, I've never seen anyone drink one of these things.
Yeah, well, it's been a rough day, Billy.
I lost my friends, I lost my team, lost feeling in my tongue after drinking "these things.
" So if you don't have a team, does this mean your big announcement isn't happening? 'Cause I just purchased a pallet of pre-packaged pigfish patties.
Put 'em on the patio.
I prepare 'em so they're absolutely good.
No, the live stream's still happening.
Just not with me.
Lika's the new team captain.
Now I might just be a simple man that came to this country from Jamaica with the classic American dream.
Opening an Old West-themed seafood restaurant-arcade? Exactly! But I'm thinking that sneaky snake was planning on taking your team all along, man.
No, no, she's all about revenge and hurting me I don't believe it.
That sneaky snake was planning on taking my team all along, man! Now you're speaking my language.
If you'll excuse me, I need to put a tarp over those pigfish patties, because if even one seagull sniffs out a patty Oh, no.
They're here.
My eyes! They're peckin' my eyes! So, gamers, that's how Lika turned me against my own team.
From now on, I'm keeping my emotions in check.
Why?! Now I only had two options.
Keep fighting the same fight that pushed my friends away, or admit defeat.
Guys, thank you so much for choosing me to be the leader of this clan.
Oh, I hope I don't get emotional.
Why would you get emotional? We're just four gamers here to announce our first Okay, that one snuck up on me.
Okay, guys, five minutes till we go live, and play through World of Warlocks.
You heard my lady.
We're goin' live.
We're gonna be watched by millions of people.
So no one freak out! - Conor.
- Franklin.
- Conor.
- Wendell.
- Conor.
- Lika.
- Conor.
- Conor.
- Billy.
- Wendell.
- Billy.
- Franklin.
Okay, we get it! We all have names.
Lika, I need to talk to you for a minute.
Where is everybody? You said there would be millions of people in here.
They're not in here.
They're out there.
- Watching.
- I'd rather them be in here.
That's how I make money.
Lika, since you're the team leader now, I thought you should have this stuff.
It's our team headset, jacket, and controller.
I gotta admit, the guys were right.
You've changed.
I thought you just came here to hurt me.
I did come here to hurt you.
When I read online you were going to make your clan announcement, I just knew this was one more thing I could take away from you.
Hold on.
So you don't care about your new team at all? Oh, please! I can't stand your pathetic friends.
Franklin's a wheezy little suck-up.
Ashley's about as smart as a sock full of sand.
And Wendell? Oh, that thing actually believes I'm his girlfriend.
They're even bigger losers than you are.
Oh, what? Is Conor gonna cry? Good.
'Cause I would love to drink your tears.
All right, team, let's do this.
How about a little good luck kiss before we go? I would love to do that, but sorry, the live stream just started.
Hey, gamers, I know you're expecting Kid Fury, but Lady Lika is now leading the squad.
We're gonna show off our skills and I'll introduce the members of my new clan.
Hey, come on down to Billy the Squid's, and get your pigfish patties.
Buy one, get 200 free.
Okay, all right.
All right, guys, let's stay together and watch each other's backs.
Roger that, team leader.
Watch it, Franklin.
You just hit me with an ice blast.
I guess I'm not great at this game - since I'm a wheezy little suck-up.
- What? Ashley, you just blasted me with a lightning arrow.
Guess I'm only about as smart as a sand full of sock.
W-What's wrong with you guys? Oh, Lika.
I may have accidentally left your headset mic on when you were insulting my friends.
Game on.
Consider this a break-up kiss.
You guys totally team-killed me! That's right.
I said "team" louder for emphasis.
This is not cool.
You guys humiliated me in front of millions of people.
Look like it's time for you to go Lika.
This isn't over.
No one makes a fool out of me.
She might be wrong about that.
I filled her backpack with pigfish patties.
They're pecking my eyes! Hey, sorry I acted like such a jerk to you guys.
Lika doesn't bring out the best in me.
Oh, and Wendell, sorry your girlfriend turned out to be a nut loaf.
Dude, you just saved me 37 bucks.
Her birthday's in two weeks, and she's been yappin' about orchids.
I can't believe Lika fooled me.
And after I gave her my shampoo secret.
Please tell us you'll be our captain.
From now on, no matter what happens, - I'll always be your captain.
- Come here, you.
Uh, guys.
You know there's, like, a million people watching us right now? Let 'em watch.
Sorry about that little interruption, guys.
But I'm Kid Fury, and now it's time to officially announce my new clan.
This is Lady Rooster 42, Snitch Blasta, and FranklinDelgado.
- That's me.
- And we are Thumbs of Fury! Okay, so I know our relationship started as a way to get back at Conor, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but the truth is - You really like me.
- Yes! You disgust me, but somehow, you've grown on me - like some kind of - Fungus.
It's called the Ruckus Rot.
Unfortunately, you're too late.
I just got back with my ex.
She's a Swedish supermodel that travels a lot.
Seriously? You're turning me down for an imaginary girlfriend? Oh.
Like a fungus.

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