Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s01e05 Episode Script

The Spirit Egg

1 "Never let your spirit hide.
Come on, show our Rooster pride"? Yeah, I'll get right on that.
[over PA.]
Freeze it right there.
Do I spot a Rooster not wearing school colors during Spirit Week? You wanna see some school spirit? - Not really.
- Super.
Take a look at this.
Whoo! Now that's school spirit.
Gamers, you may be wondering how to survive Spirit Week.
First of all, figure out which group you belong to.
Those who aren't into it or those who are way too into it.
I accept your nominations as spirit master, and you have my word, I will keep our spirit egg safe.
Yeah, you will.
You're the man, Franklin.
You can do it.
I'm sorry, why does this school have an egg? The egg is a majestic emblem of our school spirit.
It represents the triumphant birth of our mascot, the indomitable rooster.
That was beautiful, Ashley.
You really gave that a lot of thought.
I was just reading those wall words over there.
I think it's just a dumb piece of junk that gets stolen every year by those delinquents from Mudd Valley High.
Thank you for this great honor.
I, Franklin P.
Delgado, solemnly swear to you, my fellow brother cluckers, that this will be the best Spirit Week ever! [all clucking.]
It doesn't matter what he's into.
We just have to support him.
I got your back, Franklin.
I officially name Ashley as my vice-spirit master! I'm gonna punch you in the back, Franklin! [title music.]
1x05 - "The Spirit Egg" Now, as my official egg security deputies, the entire safety of the egg is in your hands.
Pop quiz, hot shots! What's the primary duty of your egg watching? Uh to watch the egg? Nice.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Now, everything you need to protect the egg is in this box.
You got your pepper spray.
[spray hissing.]
You got your Taser.
I'm starting to have second thoughts about showing you the hand grenade.
So let's just use a whistle.
Don't take your eyes off the egg.
I'll be back in an hour.
- World of Warlocks? - World of Warlocks.
Franklin's going to owe us big time for helping him out like this.
You have to admit it.
We're pretty great friends.
Howdy, vice-spirit master.
I've already cut two barrels of confetti.
Can't we just buy the rest? There's no spirit in pre-ready confetti.
You can finish that later.
Right now, I want you to watch my egg dance.
- Your egg dance? - That's right.
At the pep rally, I'm gonna treat the school to a dance that symbolically represents the rooster's emergence from the mighty egg.
So there's another 18 minutes of that before the first intermission.
Do you like it, or do you love it? I'm going to need a third option.
I'm sorry.
Did you take three weeks of lessons at the Reno Airport Interpretive Dance Academy? - Well, no.
But I have - Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
I don't listen to amateurs.
Now soak in my finale.
I call it Rooster Takes Flight.
- You know roosters can't really fly.
- I know it now! You might not want to go in that cave.
I got a dragon in there that will melt your face off.
Like you've already spawned a [dragon roars.]
Dang it! You've already spawned a dragon! No, no, no.
What happened? I'll tell you what happened.
This bus waxer's got dragons all over the place.
Not that.
The spirit egg, it's gone! [gasps.]
The egg's gone! - Well, I guess we can go to lunch.
- Wha No, not yet.
[blows whistle.]
- Now we can go to lunch.
- Thank you.
You guys were supposed to protect that egg from those troubled youths at Mudd Valley, and you blew it because you were distracted - playing video games.
- Uh, you don't know that.
It could've happened when we left to get chili dogs.
Or when we checked out cheerleader practice.
Or when we watched those ducks fight over that French fry.
- That was awesome.
His beak was - Enough!! I promised the whole school this wouldn't happen on my watch.
Hey, ducks fight! It's just what they do.
Okay, look, I know this means a lot to you, so here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna sneak into Mudd Valley and get our spirit egg back.
Thank you, sir.
But you're not afraid? The last guy that went over there - came back without his - Eyebrows?! What kind of monster would take a kid's eyebrows? Oh.
That's sick, man, just sick.
And while you guys go over there and get beat up, I'm gonna slip into the janitor's van and take a nap.
- Let's go, you.
- Fine, but if I don't get my nap, I will get cranky.
Nothing to see here.
And as promised, the spirit egg is perfectly safe and sound.
Why wouldn't it be? [nervous giggle.]
ASHLEY: Hey, how long do I gotta stay under here? I have to stretch my legs.
You're not stretching anything.
Pipe down, you dumb egg.
Uh, I told my girlfriend Tammy she could see that egg.
Let's see the egg, man.
I'm sorry, but you can tell the lovely Tammy You can tell Tammy that she can see the egg at the pep rally along with everyone else.
- The egg's lumpy.
- ASHLEY: You're lumpy.
Who said that? Well, since eggs can't talk, I did.
I'm a ventriloquist.
I'm a Sagittarius.
[action music.]
Okay, we searched the rest of the school.
The egg's gotta be in here.
- It's gotta be in that utility closet.
- We're goin' in.
Uh, what's the point of wearing that thing? They can still see your face.
When you've been blessed with this, you don't cover it up.
Game on.
Wrecked! Great.
There's no egg.
- What do we do now? - I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna take that statue of their school founder.
We'll use it as leverage to get our egg back.
Or we could mouth kiss some of their chicks - and get a burrito.
- You seriously think that's an option? When you've been blessed with this, everything's an option.
Egg, egg, egg, egg.
Whoo! You'll get to see that egg, because it's definitely not a stack of backpacks under this tarp.
[chanting resumes.]
What's that you want? Egg dance, egg dance, egg dance.
You've got it.
My ankle! - My spirit's waning.
- Are you okay? I may have broken my ankle.
But the real tragedy is I've broken the hearts of my fans.
Now there's no one left to entertain this crowd.
[upbeat music plays.]
Nooo!!! BOTH: The spirit egg?! All hail the rooster [music.]
The mighty rooster Here comes the rooster, here comes the rooster Here comes the rooster, here comes the rooster All hail the rooster My spirit's soaring.
Here comes the rooster, here comes the rooster This Abner Mudd guy was pretty cool.
Why? Because he founded a school? [chuckles.]
No! Because he invented mud.
Read a book, dude.
[cell phone ringtone plays.]
It's Franklin.
So good news.
We found the egg.
Decorating committee had it the whole time.
And they did a beautiful job.
[dial tone.]
Hello? - Put it back, put it back, put it back! - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
First I wanna take a selfie of Abner kissin' my butt.
BOY: What was that? Dude, you busted the Mudd bust.
Look what they did to him, man.
Abner Mudd was the greatest dude whoever lived.
- You know he invented mud? - Uh, yeah.
He also played a pretty huge role in the creation of sludge.
Whoever did this is gonna pay.
Oh, man, those guys are really mad.
Okay, relax.
They don't know who did it.
I know who did this.
It was those untroubled youths over at Mondale High.
And after we decided to do the right thing and not steal their stupid spirit egg this year! Let's search every inch of this place, find those kids, and start takin' eyebrows! What are we gonna do? These guys are delinquents.
Bad boys.
- Everything you pretend to be.
- Exactly.
We're gonna stick out like a sore thumb around here.
We're just a pair of lovable scamps.
Maybe we can change that.
'Sup, playas? Ain't no Mondale dudes in that closet.
Yeah, we looked all up in that house.
Ain't no creatures stirring.
Not even a mouse.
Peace out, girl scout.
Hold up.
Who are you guys? [stammering.]
I'm Con Job, - and this is What-What.
- What? - No.
" - Mhm.
How come we've never seen you before? We're new.
We just got bounced from our last school for stealing the teacher's lunch.
- That doesn't sound so tough.
- It was still in her mouth.
Oooh! You guys are all right.
So tell me, what do you think we should do - when we find these Mondale kids? - Oh ho ho ho.
You know what would really tick 'em off? We go over there, break into their gaming club, and leave a big steamin' pile of fresh baked cookies.
Fresh baked! [laughs.]
Yeah! - But with nuts.
- Oh, that's good.
Kids hate nuts.
That's what I'm talkin' about, Con Job.
You the man.
Yeah, he is.
Kinda just wanna mouth kiss him and get a burrito.
Wait a minute.
- He's the man? - Yeah.
I'm the man.
You've gone soft, Con Job.
If that is your real name.
They busted up Abner.
Now I say we go over to Mondale High right now and smash their beloved spirit egg to pieces! Who's with me? ALL: Yeah! What the what, What-What? We will now conclude with the traditional kissing of the egg.
Hurry up, Stu.
It didn't mean anything, Tammy.
Well, I nailed it as spirit master.
With me around, no one's gonna smash that egg.
Smash that egg.
Do you realize what you've done? Sorry.
I got caught up in the moment.
Ya know, What-What has a mind of his own.
But I'll fix this.
Guys, I want to say something.
- Smash the egg! - Yeah! Know what, What-What? Why don't you take first crack? What-What? What's going on here? Uh, you know.
We're just a couple of troubled Mudd Valley students, actin' all troubled.
And right now, we're gonna smash your stupid egg! - No, not the egg! - Back off, little guy.
You know, we could smash the egg, - and that'd show how tough we are.
- Yeah! But sometimes, the toughest thing for a tough kid to do is forgive.
Wasn't it Abner Mudd himself who once said, "Remittendi nunquam iniuriam"? - or something.
- Forgiveness is never wrong.
Abner said that junk all the time! [sobbing.]
Great speech, Con Job.
I just wish my friend Conor could've heard it.
Hey, you're the only Mondale students who haven't kissed the egg.
Go kiss the egg, man.
- You guys are Mondale students?! - No, we're not.
We're Con What and What-Job.
You're the ones who smashed our statue.
Okay, we accidentally smashed your statue, and we're sorry.
But you're on Rooster turf now.
And the thing about Roosters is, we stick together.
So if you want us, you're gonna have to deal with all of I'm alone right now, aren't I? Yep.
Get him! And him! Wait! Not the eyebrows! I hate Spirit Week.
You know why? I can give you two reasons.
These look natural, right? Stupid Spirit Week.
Whoa-whoa What are you doing? You have to be careful with this egg.
It must be handled with the utmost respect.
Uh, I wouldn't put it there.
What do you know about egg placement? This is exactly where it should go.
[thud, crackle.]
Your egg's broken.
[theme music playing.]

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