Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s02e05 Episode Script

The Protégé

1 - It looks so beautiful.
- It looks like a work of art.
It looks like a refrigerator fell down some stairs and puked on itself.
It's not a refrigerator.
It's a homemade 5.
3 gigahertz server farm with high-feed fiber optic bandwidth, and 200 gigs of RAM.
And also a refrigerator.
This is so awesome.
Now we'll be able to practice for this weekend's World of Warlocks tournament - without any lag time.
- All right, let's fire this thing up.
Wait a minute.
I don't think there are enough outlets in the room to power this bad boy.
That's why we're gonna steal juice from all over the school.
Everybody grab a cord and find an open outlet.
- Oh, and remember, if you get caught - Blame the foreign exchange student who doesn't speak English.
- I was gonna say make a run for it.
- Oh, good idea.
If Jurgin gets a third strike, they'll send him back to Oslo.
Gotta keep that ace up our sleeve.
Game on.
CONOR: Let's spread out and find those outlets.
- FRANKLIN: Hall pass.
- Yeah! Wrong turn.
Ugh! A little distraction.
WENDELL: Dumb wall.
Rekt! All right, let's power this baby up and game.
Or black out the whole school.
Maybe they won't trace it back to us.
Oh! I knew I'd trace it back to you gamers.
I was putting my makeup on when the power went out! [all groaning.]
Okay, look Janice, I'll tell you exactly who's responsible for this mess Don't blame Jurgin.
He's already in detention for spray painting "Wendell was here" on my car.
Fun's over.
ALL: Don't do it! [electricity buzzing.]
- We told her not to do it.
- ALL: Yeah.
[title music.]
Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x05 - The Protégé Gamer's Guide You gamers are in big trouble.
All of you! [zap.]
We turned Janice into a supervillain.
Yeah, the Lonely Electric Lady.
The only thing that's not shocking is that she's single.
Shut up! Look, Janice, we know we need to be punished, so we deserve to miss all of our favorite classes.
stay here to game, and think about what we've done.
That's exactly what's gonna happen.
You're gonna miss biology, you're gonna miss geometry.
You're gonna stay right here and game Wait a minute! I see what you're trying to pull.
Detention for the next three weeks.
[all groaning.]
So, gamers, detention always stinks.
A bunch of nervous kids sweating their "What do I tell my parents?" funk all over the place.
But it's especially bad if it means you'll have to miss your match against your biggest rivals, those butt-ugly jerks from Operation Mayhem.
Okay, I've never actually met them, but they sound like butt-ugly jerks.
Point is, a win against a top team like them would really boost our IGL rankings, and we have a chance to do that in person this Friday.
But we have to get out of detention.
And how do you do that? Find something your teacher doesn't like doing, and use it as leverage.
Hey, Janice, instead of detention, what if we mentored a couple of those troublemakers from your Big Buddy program? Isn't that the program for kids who are too angry or lazy to do their homework? Oh, yeah.
I wanted in on that.
But I was too angry and lazy to fill out the application.
If you wanna babysit a couple of those burnouts instead of doing detention, you got yourself a deal.
On one condition.
I want a real compliment from that one.
Well, detention it is.
I once saw a skunk vomit into a possum's face.
You may not be as gross as that.
Was that so hard? You're gonna love these kids.
They have hearts of gold.
Which reminds me, don't bring anything gold; they'll steal it.
I'll see you all after school.
All right, it's time to pick out the little buddy you'll be in charge of for the next week.
Are you chewing gum, Lily? Nope.
Bottle cap.
Ooh, I like her.
She's got spunk.
Yeah, and it sounds like she hates Janice, too.
BOTH: We'll take her.
Good pick.
She doesn't steal like the others.
Which one of you stole my table? All right, Franklin, we have a tournament to focus on this week, so let's pick a kid who won't be a hassle.
I know who you are.
You're Kid Fury, from Thumbs of Fury.
Ha ha, yes he is.
And I am Franklin Delgado from Thumbs of Fury.
Yeah, that's great.
Uh, can I get your autograph? Just your autograph.
Make it out to Spencer.
So you're a gamer, Spencer? I wish.
My family can't afford a computer.
I have a fake one I made out of a pizza box and some sea shells.
You can't play any games on that.
Are you kidding me? I can play the best game of all.
It's called imagination.
That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
You think that's sad? [scoffs.]
I can beat that.
The donkey at the petting zoo died while I was riding it.
The owner dragged it around for five minutes so he didn't have to give me my money back.
Spencer, how would you like to be our Little Buddy? Me? Really? I mean I'm sure there's a bunch of kids more deserving than me.
Ha! You got that right.
See ya around, sad sack.
Come on, Franklin, he's perfect.
We'll pick you up tomorrow after school.
This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! [mimicking.]
Hey, you don't go to this school.
- What are you doing here? - Don't worry about it, lady.
I already got what I came for.
Wow! I've never seen a house with so much furniture before.
Where's the trash barrel you burn for warmth? - Uh.
We just use a heater.
- Like the president? Uh, yeah.
I guess so.
You guys have Super Tennis Menace? I have always wanted to play this.
Step right up, Spencer.
Just don't cry your eyes out when I crush you.
Whoa! Nice return, Spence.
Beginner's luck.
Let's see if you can handle a little more pepper.
Dude, you shut him out.
I haven't seen someone with that much actual gaming talent since, well, me.
- Sir? - Yeah.
May I speak with you for a moment? There's something up with that kid.
He used the back trigger to put extra top spin on his serve.
He's clearly played before.
Franklin, stop it.
You're just being jealous and a sore loser.
- Loser? - Yeah.
It's not over yet.
All right, you little wiener.
Time for round two.
[screen shatters.]
I guess we can't play anymore.
I don't remember the score.
Let's call it a tie.
- The score was - I said it was a tie! Lily, put down that stick.
You'll poke your eye out.
What are you thinking? I'm thinking I'd rather poke my eye out than spend a week with you.
It's just a stick.
You're acting crazy.
Calm down.
I will not calm down.
Do you know how dangerous a stick could be? BOY: Ow! See?! Our little girl is surrounded by danger.
I mean, look.
There is a river right there.
Who puts a river right by a river walk? I don't believe it.
Wendell Ruckus, you're acting responsible.
What? No, I'm not.
Lily, get away from those birds.
They're flying bags of disease.
Oh! You're right.
I don't know what's happening.
I sound like one of my stepdads.
You're smothering her.
You've got to let kids make their own mistakes.
Lily honey, why don't you put your skates on and go play on the roof? Look, you're not my parents.
I'm only in this dumb Big Buddy program so they don't send me off to Mud Valley School for Delinquents.
Now she's getting cranky.
Probably because somebody didn't feed her.
I fed her.
I gave her a bag of marshmallows and some curly fries.
What? She can't eat that stuff.
Now she has gas.
I gotta burp her.
Lily? Where are you? Oh! Don't you ever run off from me again, young lady.
Do you hear me? Ugh.
Mud Valley's not looking so bad.
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.
[belches loudly.]
See, I told you she had gas.
Hey, Franklin.
I know you and I got off to a rocky start, so I got you a gift to thank you for being my Big Buddy.
How could you afford a gift? [chuckles.]
I made it.
I heard a homemade gift from the heart is worth more than buying something expensive.
Wrong! Everyone knows the more expensive the gift, the more it's loved.
Gold, diamonds, chimpanzees.
You can't make those at home.
Okay, well, I guess I'll just give it to Conor instead.
Hold on.
I guess I'll at least take a look at this piece of junk.
It's in the gaming club.
All right, what have we got here? Would you open up the door? I don't even know where my gift is yet.
Oh, no, you're locked in.
Looks like you're not gonna be able to make it to the tournament.
Later, loser.
I knew you were up to something.
Well, I can just call Conor with my phone.
Ha! Oh, no.
Hey, bud, think you may have accidentally stole my phone.
Hey, Conor, I just wanted to wish you luck tonight so good luck.
I just got a text from Franklin.
Really? What does it say? I can't make the tournament tonight.
"I got sick riding the mall train and horked all over myself like a dumb baby.
" He knows he's not allowed to ride the mall train on game days.
I wish there was some way I could help.
Hey, maybe you could fill in for him.
We've been playing all week, and you've gotten really good.
It's not just me.
Believe it or not, you're an incredible coach.
Oh, I believe it.
Listen, I hate to say it, but you're already better than Franklin, and we need you.
But Thumbs of Fury have been playing together for a long time.
How would I even know what to do? By studying this.
Check it out.
It's our tournament playbook.
It's got all of our strategies to taken down Operation Mayhem.
All right, Conor.
If you think I'm ready, I'll do it.
- I won't let you down.
- I know you won't.
You know why? Because I believe in you.
And when you believe in someone Spencer? Spencer! Love that kid's hustle.
I told you, I'm not eating those mashed peas.
But they're already on the train, princess.
We are literally in the same homeroom.
I think I'm older than you.
I'm gonna call my boyfriend Bonesaw.
Where have you been? - I was at work.
- I don't believe you.
- Why not? - Because this is where you work.
I smell mango papaya on your breath.
You were at the Smoothie Hut.
Yes, I was.
I needed a break.
You know why? Because now, it's all about her! What happened to us? I can't even remember the last time we gamed.
How dare you talk to me like that? And after all I do.
You know what? I don't need this.
I'll see you at the tournament.
You're gonna stop by the Smoothie Hut, aren't you? So what if I am?! - Hey.
- Oh, good, you're here.
Quick update: Franklin's out.
- He rode the mall train.
- On game day? Great.
He probably horked on himself like a dumb baby.
Don't worry.
I got it covered.
Spencer agreed to fill in.
Oh, good call.
Spencer is definitely better than Franklin.
Just one question.
Who is Spencer? He's our Little Buddy, and he's a natural gamer.
He's way better than Franklin! Hey, we were just talking about what a vital part of the team you are.
Where's that oily, snaky weasel who you befriended? Dude, I'm right here.
No, Spencer.
He locked me in the gaming club and took my phone.
I had to crawl through the vents to get out.
Why would he do that? Because he's trying to take my spot on the team.
If he's trying to take your spot, then where is he? ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, going up against Thumbs of Fury this tournament's top-ranked team, Operation Mayhem, and their leader, Spencer! What's up, losers? Oh.
I guess he's not gonna trying to take my spot.
So if Spencer wasn't here to steal my spot, he must've been after our strategy.
It's not like Conor would be dumb enough to give him our playbook.
Uh You were dumb enough to give him our playbook?! You pint-sized pickle bag.
You were a pro gamer this whole time! How did you Why did you - You - Look, we're both great gamers.
The only difference is, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win.
I snuck into your school looking for a way to send you to detention so you couldn't play in the tournament.
When I saw you guys working on your server farm, I knew it was time to go lights out.
[Janice shrieking.]
But you wormed your way out of detention, so I had to come up with a new plan.
Gettin' my hands on your playbook.
Franklin was smart enough to know something was up, but I knew your ego would convince him he was just being jealous.
Ego? I do not have an ego.
But you do still think I'm cool, right? You can have your playbook back.
- We got our own copy.
- Oh, yeah? Well, I have news for you, fella.
You no longer have the privilege of being my little buddy.
Franklin, I'm sorry.
I blew it.
I let my ego get in the way.
I should've listened to you.
I let a stranger infiltrate our team, and trick me into believing that you rode the mall train before a tournament.
I should've known you wouldn't do that.
Oh, no way, sir.
I would've just ended up horking all over myself like a dumb baby.
From now on, we're all gonna listen to you, Franklin.
Why do we all have to be in trouble? ANNOUNCER: Gamers, take your stations.
All right, guys, bring it in.
They may know our every move, but they don't know what we're really made of.
If we dig down deep, I know we can win this thing.
- Come on.
- ALL: Yeah! [buzzer blares.]
Oh! [buzzer blares.]
ALL: Aw, come on! The good news is, we set a record.
The bad news is, it's for the fastest loss in league history.
You know what the worst part about losing is? It makes me feel like a loser.
Well, if you need anything, we're here for you.
What would I need from you losers? Hey, Conor.
Ah, that was fun.
Too bad I won't be able to beat you again in nationals.
Although I wouldn't mind seeing you again, sugar lips.
You're a nasty little rat boy.
And you're a beautiful hunk of cheese.
Kids like that give rats a bad name.
You know what? I think he did us a favor.
I'm more driven to get to the nationals than I've ever been.
I have someone to focus my hate on other than Franklin.
It just bugs me that little weasel Spencer got away with it.
Maybe he didn't.
I gave Janice a call and let her know that it was because of Spencer that she got zapped with 10,000 volts of electricity.
She was not too happy.
That was awesome.
You could see her bones.
Janice said she was gonna call Spencer's principal - and get him detention.
- Looks like she's gonna do more than that.
I wanna talk to you.
She's a supervillain! It's important for you to know this isn't anything you did.
Your Wendell and I have just grown apart.
So, Lily, honey, we think it would be better for you if you just picked one of us to be your Big Buddy.
So who's it gonna be? Neither of you.
You're both freaks.
Looks like our little girl is all grown up.
We did a really great job.
- Wanna get another one? - Heck yeah.

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