Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s02e11 Episode Script

The DJs

1 So there's not one teacher in the school who's willing to be the gaming club's faculty advisor? The Russian teacher said nyet.
The German teacher said nein.
The French teacher said, "Can't do it, bro.
" He's a big surfer.
I hate this new advisor rule.
but I'm sure all the other clubs are struggling to find one, too.
Thanks for being our DOFA advisor, Mr.
Hey, Stu.
I didn't know you were in a club.
- What's DOFA? - Dirtbags of America.
We meet on Tuesdays and talk about dirtbag stuff.
Hey, Stu, see you Tuesday.
Sorry I'm late.
I've been down in the dumps.
Don't be sad.
We won't let 'em shut down our gaming club.
I'm not sad.
I was literally down in the dumps.
I found this.
Who would throw out a perfectly good bag of hair? Anyone who has a bag of hair.
So did we find anyone to babysit our gaming club? No, and we've asked every teacher in the school.
Well, not every teacher.
- There is one we haven't asked.
- Oh, no, no, no! Oh, yes, yes, yes! I would love to be your faculty advisor! Club hug! [all protesting.]
[title music.]
Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x11 - The DJs Gamer's Guide Get him! Get him!! Oh, we got him, we got him! Now get him! Shouldn't you be teaching a biology class right now? I got some dummy to cover for me.
With one more push, the mother giraffe says hello to her new baby.
[plopping sound.]
ALL: Ugh! It's a miracle.
[all screaming.]
[bell rings.]
Oh! Would you look at that?! School day's over.
Guess you can leave now.
No, it's cool.
I can hang.
Don't you hang out with your mom after school? Usually, but last night, we had a major tiff.
She stormed down into the basement when I was at my turntables dropping some sick beats.
[imitates record scratching.]
She laughed right in my face when I told her I wanted to be a pro deejay.
Yeah, just like that.
Anyway, now I can spend all my time hanging out here with you guys.
No, no, no.
You need to stand up to your mom, and tell her that you are a grown man who deserves to live in his mother's basement.
You're right.
I'm a big man.
I'm gonna go deal with her right now.
Do me a favor.
Move the CPR dummy into the school van.
I need him to teach Driver's Ed for me.
Nice work, Conor.
I don't think we'll ever see Funkus again.
I'm moving in.
Wait, what? Why? I stood up to Mother, and she didn't like my sass.
She kicked me and my rude 'tude to the curb.
But don't worry.
You'll hardly even notice I'm here.
What By the way, your toaster's broken.
We don't have a toaster.
Oh! This is our $1,000 gaming station.
Well, for $1,000, you think it could at least cook a fish stick.
Come on.
Time's up, hon.
If you haven't killed the ogre bots by now, - it's not gonna happen.
- Hey! I was just about to unlock the hidden portal in that tree.
Did you say hidden portal? Sweet.
Eat my hatchet, tree.
Ha! Rip! I can't believe you fell for that, noob.
You totally trolled me.
That is so hot.
I don't meet a lot of people I don't hate.
Me neither.
People are the worst.
Hey, you wanna hang out on Saturday? I know a restaurant where we can get free jalapeño poppers.
You mean TJ McDucken's? Sorry.
I've already had two birthdays there this week.
Besides, my dad's making me go to this boring party on Saturday night.
That's cool.
I'm busy anyway.
You wouldn't wanna go, would you? Heck yeah, I would.
I'm totally not busy.
I'm Olivia.
I'll see you there.
Yes! Well.
Look who's gettin' chummy with the mayor's daughter.
That's not the mayor's daughter.
That's just some kick-butt chick who invited me to the annual mayor's banquet.
Sweet baby walnuts.
That's the mayor's daughter.
I'm waitressing that event.
It's super fancy.
I'm not fancy enough to date the mayor's daughter.
I'm gonna lose the first girl I've ever met that isn't lame.
You know I don't think of you as a girl.
Look, I can help you impress the mayor.
I've worked at enough of these events to know how to fake fancy.
Thanks, Ashley.
I really appreciate it.
It shouldn't be too hard to class me up.
Whoa! Somebody threw out half a burrito.
And it's got guac.
That's not guac.
It's mold.
Mold is nature's guac.
So we had to drive Funkus out of our gaming club.
Luckily, we have a secret weapon: Franklin.
He's the perfect combination of obnoxious and annoying.
Don't forget chatty.
My mother says I get it from my Aunt Cathy, who is the real Chatty Cathy.
Funny story about her.
And that's why Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to be the national bird for the whole country.
And here's fun fact #37.
Some people on Easter Mountain don't even celebrate Easter Franklin! Enough.
Save that little gem for Funkus.
Off I go.
A few minutes of one-on-one time with him, and Funkus will be gone forever.
[playing techno music.]
Hey, what's going on here? What's going on here is, I was just about to go beg Mother to take me back when Franklin showed up.
Did you know that some people on Easter Mountain Yes, I know! Turns out, I'm a natural deejay just like him.
- Now we're a dope deejay duo! - W-Whaaat?! Check it.
Ain't no Easter [disco music.]
On Easter Mountain No eggs No bunnies No plastic eggs with money Franklin.
What happened to the whole drive Funkus out of the gaming club plan? Don't need it.
Turns out he is super cool.
Look, I hate to break it to you but there's no room for the gaming club and your deejaying.
You understand what I'm saying? - I certainly do.
- All right.
So if you could give us a hand, we can move all this gaming junk out of here.
Hey, gamers, the only thing worse than Franklin's stories are Franklin's stories set to a techno beat.
That's why I'm gonna post a video online of Frank 'N Funk.
Yeah, that's actually what they call themselves.
And when nobody watches it, they'll quit.
See, when someone you care about is chasing a dream that they shouldn't be chasing, a real friend will have the courage to crush that dream Everyone's gonna love you guys.
We're gonna blow up! Frank 'N Funk is gonna be huge! If you want to get Olivia, the key is to impress her dad.
And to do that, you must engage in an interesting conversation.
Go! Hello, mayor.
Here's some interesting conversation.
One time, at the dump, I saw a rat claw its way out of a snake's belly.
This isn't working.
We've gotta step up your training.
You want me to use Conor's virtual reality gear? Yeah.
You keep crumbling under pressure, so I created a game to simulate Mayor Landry's fancy banquet.
I've programmed in a few tough situations.
All you gotta do is keep calm and stay classy.
Whoa! It looks just like the banquet.
There's Olivia and Mayor Landry.
MAYOR: Welcome to my fancy banquet, Wendell.
And a fine day to Oh, there's a zombie! Why does this fancy party have zombies? If you can stay classy in a roomful of zombies, you'll do fine at the banquet.
[zombies growling.]
Hey, greetings, Mr.
Thanks for [growling.]
Please don't bite my leg, Mr.
I think that went pretty well.
All right, guys, before we look at the number of hits your video got, just remember, you have plenty of time to find new dreams.
No, I don't.
I'm a 42-year-old teacher who sleeps in a classroom.
All right.
You gave it your best shot, so don't feel bad that you only got two million views! People love us! To the beat lab! Millions of views We're way up in the twos Yeah, they got two million views.
So why am I smiling? Because I'm getting my gaming club back as soon as Franklin and Funkus read the comments.
"These two are pathetic.
They look like how a fart sounds.
" That's mean and confusing.
I'm sure not everyone hates us.
Everyone hates you.
Look, the point is, the internet has spoken.
It's time to give up on your dreams.
Let's get packing.
But we can't just give up.
We booked a concert down at the river walk.
We used both our college funds.
I was gonna join a frat.
You pay 'em, so they have to be your friends.
Why would you give up your college funds for this? You guys stink.
But you said we were great.
Wait a minute.
This was your plan all along.
You posted the video so we'd be humiliated, then we'd quit.
No, I posted the video so no one would watch it, and then you'd quit.
How could you?! I thought we were best friends.
Why would you ever think that? I guess Conor doesn't care about friends.
The gaming club's more important, huh? Well, the gaming club's not gonna exist anymore, 'cause you just lost your faculty advisor/best friend.
You know who's the real victim here? My future frat bros, who will never know the party legend that is Big Diesel.
Hey, guys.
I just want to say how sorry I am for the whole "publicly humiliating you so I can get my gaming club back" thing.
[forced laughter.]
Apology rejected.
Have you guys ever heard of MC Quicksand, Mix Master Mark, DJ Treblemaker? Of course.
I have their posters all over my walls.
Except for the one with MC Quicksand riding a dolphin.
Mother didn't like it because the dolphin was showing off his blowhole.
Well, none of them got as many views as you guys.
And they never sell out a concert in less than an hour.
Frank 'N Funk did.
We did? Whoa.
Hold on.
It's only because people wanna laugh at us.
I got an image to protect.
You sleep on a cot with wizard sheets.
The image ship has sailed.
Guys, the point is, if you love something, do it.
Who cares what people think? If I were you, I would go out there, and let my freak flag fly.
Then prove it.
What? Come out on stage with us.
Uh I can't think of a reason why not, so, uh, give me an hour; I'll get back to you.
Come on, Conor.
You baked the bread, now butter it.
What do you say? We'll be Frank 'N Funk 'N Freckles.
Okay, fine.
I'll do the show.
But we're not using that name.
BOTH: Frank 'N Funk 'N Freckles! No, I don't like it.
Stop it, stop it.
Wendell, what are you doing? I told you to wear your best suit, not something you found at the dump.
I'm doing both.
Well, go say hi to Olivia and impress the mayor.
I can't.
I know I'm gonna say the wrong thing.
We can use that.
Just think of what you'd normally say, but then say the opposite.
But that would make me charming, caring and polite.
That's perfect! And I'm pretty sure I was the first person to say that boats are the cars of the ocean.
This guy's a boring idiot.
You're a fascinating, smart man.
Yes, yes, I am.
What a hideous tie.
Makes me wanna throw up.
Your beautiful bow tie does not make me wanna throw up.
Well, thank you.
That's what I was going for.
Olivia, I like this young man.
Now if you'll excuse me, I prefer to talk to somebody else.
Wendell, what's with you? She knows something's up.
Man, she's pretty.
- You know nothing, troll.
- What? - Nothing! - Something! I don't know why you're acting like such a toolbox.
But I guess my dad seems to like you.
[fork tapping glass.]
Hush, everyone.
I'm talking; I'm the mayor.
Now is the pre-determined time for my spontaneous announcement.
I'm very excited to declare that we will be building a new city park by bulldozing the town dump.
Nooo! Yeees! [music.]
This is gonna be a train wreck.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to get Funky! Prepare to get Franky! Prepare to get Freckly.
[music dies out.]
Two, three, four.
[techno music plays.]
[all cheering.]
Whoa! And in this section of the former dump will be our barefoot area of the new park, where local hippies can feel free to throw their novelty flying disks.
If you want to be with Olivia, you have to stay on the mayor's good side.
- Keep it together.
- I'm trying, but that's my dump! Naturally, we will have to exterminate all the rats.
What?! You can't do that.
Yes, we can.
We have chemicals and sharp sticks.
That's it.
You're not turning my beautiful dump into a disgusting park.
- What are you saying? - I'm saying You can all eat a bag of rocks! [screaming.]
[operatic singing.]
[operatic singing continues.]
Just to be clear, you're against the hippie park? I can't believe that you just did that.
I know.
I'm sorry it's not gonna work out for us.
I tried to be classy, but I'm not.
If I wanted classy, I wouldn't have asked out Wendell Ruckus.
What do you mean? You're a dead-rat chucking, dump-loving troll.
And I'll say it.
That's my type.
It is? I mean, heck yeah, it is! I told him he should just be himself.
What do you say we go down to the dump since we're gonna be losing it soon.
I'm not so sure about that.
Don't get rid of the dump, Daddy, please.
[pretend sobbing.]
Okay! Okay, Princess.
We're keeping the dump, people! You wanna go get some free birthday poppers at TJ McDucken's? Sure, but there's one more thing I gotta do.
Oh, that feels so much better.
That is so hot.
[music stops.]
[all cheering.]
They love us.
The only thing that would've been better - is if Mother could've seen it.
- I think she did.
Mother! This was the greatest night of my life.
Thanks for talking us into it, Conor.
Yeah, thanks, Conor.
If you need a faculty advisor, I'm back in.
But I might not be there as much.
I want to patch up things with Mother.
Oh, that's a shame.
We'll miss you.
Well, I could bring Mother with me.
No, no, we're good! Wow.
Looks like your mom's having a good time.
Stu? Not Stu! Anyone but Stu! Mother!
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