Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s02e12 Episode Script

The Detective

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I just finished my awesome project for the literary fair.
Cool dollhouse, Franklin.
It's not a dollhouse.
It's a cathedral modeled after the classic book, The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
- Well, who's that in the window? - That's a hunchback doll.
- Oh.
That's where he lives? - Yeah, it's his house.
Doll, house, dollhouse.
Either way, this sweet puppy's gonna get me a look from the teacher that says, "You're our favorite.
We just aren't allowed to say it.
" I gotta head to class.
Well, it's nice to see it in one piece before Wendell smashes it like he does with all your projects.
Wendell is not gonna smash this project.
- We had a heart-to-heart conversation.
- And that actually worked? No.
I did his homework for a week, and he said he'd leave me alone.
There's that new kid Tyler.
He is so hot.
I've been dying to talk to him.
Yesterday, I followed him to his soccer practice, then to his guitar lesson, then to the foot doctor.
It kinda sounds like you're stalking him.
Oh, there's no "kinda.
" I am.
Wendell!! [Title music.]
Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x12 - " The Detective " Gamer's Guide My cathedral! My gargoyles.
My flying buttresses.
That was awesome.
First you broke your project, then you got hurt, then you said "buttresses.
" You! You did this.
Our friendship is officially over.
Okay, now hang on a second.
- What friendship? - Oh, that's it.
Not cool, Wendell.
Franklin worked hard on that project.
Hold on.
Let's not jump to any conclusions.
No one's guilty till they're given a fair and proper trial.
Who am I kidding? Wendell did it.
And this time, I'm gonna press all charges.
He deserves the Beth penalty.
No, no, no, not the Beth penalty.
That's right.
You're gonna sit there for an hour, and talk to Bad Breath Beth.
Hi, Howard.
Happy to help you with your homework.
I'd rather go to summer school.
Sorry, Franklin, you know the Beth penalty's been outlawed in this school.
Tell us what happened.
Wendell scared me with one of his ferrets, then used ball bearings to make me slip, and smash my project.
Oh, and look.
He recorded the whole thing on his phone.
This is gonna be the best rekt video ever.
[Franklin screaming on video.]
Oh, man, you got out of frame for a second.
Could we do it again from another angle? - Wendell.
- That settles it.
I'm calling the dean of discipline right now to talk about your punishment.
No, I don't wanna video chat.
I don't wanna see his ugly fa Hey, sir, how's it going? Okay, Ashley, there's Tyler.
You only get one chance to make a first impression.
Uh-oh, you're staring.
Look at the net store.
TYLER: There's that cute girl again.
I thought she was looking at me, but I guess she's just looking at the net store.
Why would they have a whole store just for nets? ASHLEY: Why would they have a whole store just for nets? Okay, focus.
I wanna talk to him, but it's gotta be cool.
I wanna talk to her, but it's gotta be funny.
BOTH: Got it.
- Hey-lo.
- What's goin' up? BOTH: What was that?! [Franklin screaming.]
Ha! [screaming.]
Ha! [screaming.]
Ha!! Wendell, how many times are you gonna watch that video? Well, if I skip my next class, I can probably make it an even thousand.
Ha! It's not funny.
Franklin is in the nurse's office right now rubbing a bag of frozen peas on his butt muscles.
[derisive laughter.]
Okay, that is funny.
Hello, Wendell.
Hello, Janice.
I just spoke to the dean of discipline.
This is your 100th strike.
Century club.
Do I get a cake in detention? Oh, you're not going to detention.
Hundredth time on the house.
No, you're being sent to Mudd Valley School For Delinquents.
I don't wanna go all the way to Mudd Valley for my cake.
You're not getting it, Wendell.
I've been waiting a long time to say this.
You are expelled.
Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
Am I or am I not getting a cake? There is no cake!! [students booing.]
Comin' through.
Expelled kid walking! Well, Wendell.
Looks like justice has finally been served.
Bet you feel pretty stupid right now.
I'm not the one with the bag of frozen peas in my underpants.
Shows what you know.
They're corn niblets.
Get your butt corn outta my face! Conor, I'm innocent, I swear.
Wait, what are you talking about? You said you did it.
I only took credit for it because it was such an awesome prank.
But if you didn't do it, then how did you record it on your phone? I didn't.
I lost my phone yesterday.
You've gotta believe me.
Those Mudd Valley kids are gonna tear me apart.
I've narced on every kid in there.
Help me, Conor! Please! Mondale High is officially free from Wendell Ruckus! [all cheering.]
Hip, hip, hooray! So, gamers, in 24 hours, Wendell's gonna find himself in a sea of delinquents at Mudd Valley.
He claims he had nothing to do with destroying Franklin's project, so the least I could do is check it out.
It'll be just like my favorite detective game, SCSIPDU.
Special Crime Scene Investigator Private Detective Undercover.
It's a great game, terrible title.
Franklin, do you mind? Sorry, but with Wendell gone, me and the nerds are finally free to be ourselves.
Too free, guys, too free.
Well, don't mess anything up.
I'm trying to uncover what really happened here.
What really happened here is Wendell smashed my project, and finally got punished for it.
Okay, if Wendell did it, why did the ball bearings come from over here while he was standing over there? Who cares? Even if Wendell didn't do it, which he did, he's finally getting what he deserves.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be out in the parking lot laying down some sick moves.
All right.
Let's see what we have here.
"Joe's Exotic Pets.
" Hm.
Very interesting.
Maybe it's time to have a little chat with Joe.
- Who are you talking to? - What? Nobody.
Oh, man, he's here.
He got your text and actually showed up.
Don't blow it; just play it cool.
Oh, hey, Tyler.
So I see you So, you like gaming.
Totally, but no one ever seems to want to play with me.
Until you.
I'd love to join the club.
I love you, too.
I mean, you can.
You just have to answer a few questions.
- Are you good at first-person shooters? - No.
- How about RBG's? - No.
- Do you have a girlfriend? - No.
You're in! Cool.
Sounds like we'll be spending a lot more time together.
[nervous giggle.]
Uh, how about we play Alien Hunter? This is awesome.
He's good-looking, he likes to game, This guy is absolutely perf [goofy voice.]
My name is Zorplex, alien overlord.
All your base are belong to us.
[makes shooting noises.]
[normal voice.]
This is so much fun.
Hey, Joe, what's with the glasses? Yeah, I got into a staring contest with a badger, and found out the hard way that badgers do not like to be stared at.
Well, lesson learned.
I have a question for you.
Hang on.
I need to put this hamster back in his cage.
[wild screeching.]
That was definitely not his cage.
So, what can I do for you? Do you have any idea who bought the ferret that this fur came from? This isn't ferret fur.
It's weasel fur.
Weasel fur? But Wendell hates weasels.
Yeah, everybody hates weasels.
I only sold one of 'em all year.
Just last week, in fact.
Joe, who bought that weasel? Can you tell me anything about him? I do remember they reeked of cologne.
That real nasty stuff.
Hunk Musk Number Nine.
Thanks, Joe.
Hi, parrot.
How are you? [squawking.]
Come on, Beth! I done told you about breathing all up on my birds.
So how much time do you have before they put you in with the kids who wanna kick your butt? I bought myself six hours in holding by making them think I have head lice.
- Nice.
How'd you do that? - By having head lice.
Man, you gotta get me outta here.
I'm trying, but I need you to answer a couple of questions first.
Have you ever worn the cologne Hunk Musk Number Nine? Cologne? I would never cover up my natural Ruckus stank.
These ball bearings were found at the scene of the crime, and you had access to them.
No, I didn't.
I swear.
Come on, Wendell, you had access to a whole cabinet of ball bearings, 'cause you're in auto shop class.
Oh, that's right.
I am in auto shop.
You're lying to me, Wendell.
If you want me to help you, I need the truth.
I dropped out of auto shop so I could take baking.
Baking? That's right.
I'm a baker.
You haven't lived until you've tasted my tart.
They don't use that size ball bearing in auto shop.
Those come from a dinky wheel on a baby carriage or a skateboard.
Or a roller blade.
No, please.
I don't wanna go back.
Please don't take me.
I'll narc on anyone.
Hey, that guy right there is trying to sneak me ball bearings.
[Irish accent.]
As king of the leprechauns, I'm telling you to stay away from me pot o' gold.
Okay, I think we've played enough League of Leprechauns.
- [normal voice.]
What's wrong? - You keep making those voices.
You've been a rootin', tootin' cowboy, a pirate of the seven seas, and now you're a freakin' little leprechaun.
I don't do that.
I might get into playing a game, but I'm not making up voices.
I mean, that would just be crazy.
Yeah, I know.
Maybe I should just go.
Uh no.
I've got an idea.
Why don't we play Bubble Blaster? No characters, no voices.
Just bubbles.
This is more like it.
He's just sitting there looking cute and not talking.
Bubble pop! Bubble blop! Bubble pop! Blast! [screaming silently.]
What's this all about, sir? I spun too far.
So, Franklin.
Why did you destroy your own project?! What? [nervous chuckle.]
That's crazy.
Why is this light so hot? You were sick of Wendell smashing your projects, so you sacrificed this last one, knowing that Wendell would be sent to Mudd Valley.
No, that's crazy.
Watch the video on Wendell's phone.
And look at my face.
That's not the face of a guilty man.
That's the face of an utter coward.
Look at this photo that was taken before the video was recorded.
Yeah, it's just a bunch of lines.
This is a lot more than that, Franklin.
You didn't do it, but I know who did.
Oh, I love judging projects.
Just another way of encouraging young minds.
You call that a diorama? Looks more like diarrhea.
Stop the literacy fair! I know that was hard for you to say.
You gonna be okay? - I'ma need a minute.
- Okay.
Listen up, everybody.
Wendell Ruckus was framed for a crime he did not commit, and I know who did it.
Janice Alanis McManus.
[all gasping.]
How dare you? You've got no proof.
Or don't I not? Which means I do.
When Wendell lost his phone, it went straight to the lost and found in the library.
You saw your opportunity to get rid of your nemesis once and for all.
Too bad you don't know how to use a smartphone, because you're old.
Hey, I'm in my 20's.
Okay, 30's.
I'm serious.
I recognized the photo on Wendell's phone from the pattern on your jacket.
That doesn't mean anything.
This jacket was given to me by my boyfriend.
Your story's getting more ridiculous by the minute, Janice.
I also discovered the ball bearings from the crime scene were from the wheel of a roller skate.
And who would have a roller skate? A proud member of the Wrecking Balls roller derby team.
So what if I like to spend my weekends knocking ladies into walls? It doesn't prove anything.
It proves that you had access to the same ball bearings that were used in the crime.
Maybe you would've gotten away with it if you had just stopped there.
But you wanted to make sure that Wendell got the blame.
So you went out to get his favorite animal, a ferret.
Only you got sloppy and accidentally picked out a weasel instead.
Everyone knows Joe can't see right now.
He'd never be able to ID the person who bought that weasel.
No, but he can smell them.
And they were wearing Hunk Musk Number Nine cologne.
Wha I don't wear cologne.
I would never cover up my natural Janice stank.
[sniffs deeply.]
Maybe not, but let's take a look at your lunchtime reading material.
Beach Abs Monthly.
FRANKLIN: And the sample's been used.
So weird.
Admit it, Janice.
You put the weasel in Franklin's locker.
You spilled the ball bearings that made Franklin - ruin his dollhouse.
- Cathedral.
- Whatever.
- Okay.
The point is, Wendell Ruckus was framed by you Janis Alanis Dianus McManus.
So what if I did? [students gasping.]
Oh, don't you people gasp at me.
Yeah, I did it, and I'd do it again.
I was assigned to teach that little rat chucker in summer school, so I made sure he got his 100th strike to get him out of my hair for good.
I didn't just do it for me, I did it for everyone.
You should all be thanking me.
I'm a hero, I tell ya.
A hero! How you doin'? Case closed.
Another case solved by the mystery boys.
Don't call us that.
- Mystery bros? - Nope.
Worth a shot.
Okay, today's a new day.
When he starts in with one of his voices, join in.
Who knows, it might be fun.
[pirate voice.]
Prepare to walk the plank, matey.
[parrot voice.]
Gwaaak! You heard him.
Walk the plank, walk the plank.
[normal voice.]
What are you doing? I'm being a parrot on your shoulder.
Gwaak! Well, don't.
It's weird.
Can we just play the game, please? [pirate voice.]
Anything ye be wantin' to say before we throw ye overbard? Argh.
Ye heard him.
We'll turn ye into shark food.
That's it! I-I can't take this anymore.
You're ruining the game with your weird voices.
- I'm outta here.
- You're leaving me? But I'm not the one who does the voices.
You do the voices! You know what? I'm glad you're going! If you ever wanna kiss a little just for fun, I'd consider it! He may be cute, but he is a weir [choking.]

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