Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s02e14 Episode Script

The Stings

1 What's up, IGL fans? It's your boy Faruq Tauheed, and this is Heed's Hangs.
Today we're hanging in Kid Fury's crib with the talk of the gaming world, Thumbs of Fury! [music.]
Are you looking to buy a snake and/or some kick-butt fireworks? Then check out Dwayne Ruckus at his website, Snakes and Booms! Wendell, this isn't the time to plug your cousin's business.
My cousin Dwayne isn't my cousin.
I'm just a satisfied customer! These guys are climbing the rankings at a record pace, and one tournament win away from making it to Nationals.
- Yeah! - Whoo.
The gaming club is the key to our rise in the rankings.
We brought all of our gaming gear here so we can practice at school.
It's really helped us build a tight bond as a team.
- That's my controller! - I licked it after I farted on it.
We also have a coat rack.
Well, as you know, your last IGL tournament win earned you a special prize.
Jasmine? We won Jasmine?! No, you're not getting Jasmine! You will be receiving an early download of the unreleased World of Warlocks map, which will be used at the IGL national qualifier this weekend! - Oh! - That's huge! We get to study the new battlefields a week before anyone else! Studying and videogames? Things are coming up Franklin! With that map and this gaming club, Thumbs of Fury is looking damn right unstoppable! [all clamoring.]
We'll see about that.
Once I have that map, I will crush any chance Thumbs of Fury has of going to Nationals.
[evil laughter.]
Yeah! Spency, are you laughing by yourself in the dark? I like jokes! I'll laugh with you! [title music.]
Gamers Guide Gamers Guide 2x14 - The Stings Gamers Guide Thank you all for being here for today's mandatory Gaming Club meeting.
Wendell couldn't make it, so he asked me to read a statement on his behalf.
Always nice to hear from Brother Wendell.
He moves to acknowledge that Franklin is a major tool.
I move to ask members to un-hear the last statement.
Too late, Major Tool.
Remember, guys, tomorrow we have our election for club president.
Yeah, feeling like my chances are pretty good.
You're the only one running.
That's why it's my campaign slogan.
All right.
Does anybody else have any other business? I do! Spencer? What are you doing here, you back-stabbing little worm? I want to join the Gaming Club.
You can't join the Gaming Club if you don't go to this school.
I just transferred here.
His transfer papers are legit! He's even been issued his official spirit foam finger.
Go Chickens! We're Roosters, and you know it! Why is the evil leader of Operation Mayhem in our club right now? Because he wants to get his grubby little paws on our map before the tournament.
We cannot let him in.
He's officially a Mondale student, so we have to let him in! It's in the school bylaws which means this is a disaster! - Guys, I got this.
- Okay.
Ah, well, welcome to the club, Spencer.
As the president, I assign the gaming stations, so you'll be playing on Old Rusty, my family computer from the '90s.
It's pretty slow, so if you want to play tomorrow, you should turn it on today.
[modem dialing.]
What's that sound? That's the sound of 1994.
Okay, but I don't think I'll be using Old Rusty for long 'cause tomorrow afternoon, I'm running for president.
Of the world? No, of the Gaming Club.
I think you'd have a better chance running for president of the world.
Hey, Dwayne, I've been thinking about it, and I want my hundred bucks back.
What? Why? Because your "business opportunities" never make any money and usually end with me crying in front of a judge.
Come on, coz, name one business opportunity that didn't pan out.
Backpacks for cats, moon condos, roadkill wigs Hey, I say name one! Look, there was a perfectly good reason those didn't work.
They were scams.
This is completely different! This is a scheme! We're gonna make a ton of money.
You know how we're gonna do it? - How? - With 4,000 pounds of grapefruits! Oh, man! They're rotten! Not all of them.
We just gotta dig through and find the ripe ones, and then we can sell those to the Hoggly Woggly Market for a big profit.
Just when I thought you couldn't be a bigger idiot, you use all our money to buy a cargo container of rotten grapefruit! And prove you're a genius! [chuckles.]
Let's get sorting.
Game on.
All right, here we go.
We're gonna be rich! That's using our Ruckus brainpower.
Citrus combo! Noice! Oh Oh, ee! I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, man, these are rotten! Oh, now there's flies! Aw, come on! So many flies! [buzzing.]
Oh, man! Eh! All right, let's tally them up.
- How many good ones we got? - Four.
400?! Yes, we're rich! No, four grapefruits.
Which means we spent $200 on four grapefruits.
That's cool.
We'll just have to sell them to Hoggly Woggly for 100 bucks each, and then we've doubled our money.
- Raah! - Aah! All right.
Time for the official Gaming Club presidential election.
Now, all in favor of Conor Thank you, thank you.
- It was a tough campaign, but I - Hold on.
We haven't counted all the votes yet.
All in favor of Spencer.
One vote.
Big deal.
Oh, I forgot to mention we got a couple new members.
Okay, two votes.
Big deal.
Three votes.
Big deal.
Seven votes, okay, that's a big deal! That means Spencer's the new Gaming Club president.
But He rigged it! He totally cheated.
He just brought these kids in so they'd vote for him! You snake.
Looks like it's time to hand over that presidential sash.
What? There's no presidential sash.
Oh, this presidential sash.
Aah! I don't believe it! I'm sash-less! Ash I have no sash.
That rat-faced snake Spencer weasled his way into our henhouse so he could be top dog.
- He outfoxed us.
- Wow.
You've gotta stop watching that animal channel.
Look, at least Spencer didn't get what he really came for.
I downloaded our advance copy of the tournament map.
This baby's our ticket to Nationals.
It would be if we had anywhere we could actually play it.
All of our equipment is in the Gaming Club, and there's no way I'm letting that map anywhere near Spencer.
All right, losers, where's the map? I don't know what you're talking about, unless you mean the maze map on the kid's menu.
You gotta go all the way from Fishstick Factory to Tuna Town, but be sure to go around Blowhole Junction.
That's right.
That's the only map that we Wait! There's a way around Blowhole Junction? I've looked through every file on every machine in the Gaming Club, and the map is not there.
Why do you even care about that map? Your team doesn't need to win the tournament.
Operation Mayhem already qualified for Nationals.
Yeah, but I want to make sure you guys don't make it.
Well, that's just mean.
I can't believe the Hoggly Woggly only paid us eight cents for four grapefruits.
Relax, little coz.
Somebody scammed us, okay? Now we just gotta do the right thing and scam it forward.
Where are we gonna find someone dumb enough to buy a truckload of rotten grapefruit? Howdy doody, junkyard buddies! Franklin, what are you doing here? What all the cool kids do after school.
Recycling! Keep it green, y'all! I just made $200.
My brain.
It's birthing a new idea! Come on, brain, push! Push! - Push! - Aaaah! Hey, Franklin.
How would you like to triple your money in the exciting world of citrus? Citrus! Mom, this is embarrassing.
I told you I don't need a fresh pair of underpants.
Everybody needs a pair of freshies after gym class.
Last thing you need is another case of swamp tushy.
Boop boop! I can't believe our lives are being ruined by this little mama's boy.
I can't believe he has a mom.
I thought he was hatched in a volcano like a demon.
Hey, Spencer, what's in the bag? Fireworks and samurai swords.
Bad kid stuff! It doesn't matter.
But what does matter is what I found on Old Rusty when I was looking for the tourney map, a very interesting video your dad took after you had a tooth pulled.
No! The happy gas hadn't worn off.
Aah! Bunny! He wants to kill me! [sobbing.]
Ooh, hey, lady turtle.
I've always wanted to kiss you.
Oh, that's not so embarrassing.
So you gave that stuffed animal a little peck.
Oh, that is some serious pecking! Hand over the map right now, or the entire gaming community is going to see this.
That's too far! Yeah, I guess you're probably right.
Uploaded! Ohh! Fine! But you're still not getting that map.
See now, I think I am, 'cause your parents took some pretty embarrassing videos, and I found them all.
Some of my favorites include church fart, shirtless mirror flex, and the zipper incident.
Wait, no! You can't post those.
I can, and I will! I'm going to upload a new video every day for the next year unless you give me that map.
Conor made out with a stuffed turtle! Ohh! Been there, man.
Oh, snap, here comes Franklin! He's gonna be so mad we sold him those rotten grapefruit! Just play it cool.
- Hey, guys.
- [whistling.]
We didn't know they were rotten! Yeah, you can't prove nothin'.
Oh, that makes sense you didn't know they were rotten, 'cause you would've charged me a lot more for them.
Hold out.
Huh? Everyone knows the high acidity of rotten grapefruit juice makes it a natural pesticide.
The Tidy Termite Extermination Company is gonna pay me big bucks for juicing all of them.
Just how many big bucks we talking about here? A butt ton.
- Ohh! - Dang! The only problem is there's no way I could juice all the grapefruits.
It would take a couple of super jacked dudes to do that.
Hey, Franklin, you know, you could always just sell those grapefruits back to us, and then we could juice them.
Well, I do feel guilty for taking advantage of you guys.
So, how about this? If you give me back my money, and maybe a couple hundred bucks for my troubles, you can have the grapefruits back.
- Okay.
- Deal.
And you are not gonna meet two more ripped dudes than us.
- Haah! - [ripping.]
See? Even his pants are ripped.
Hey, I need to pick up my order.
Where have you been, Conor? Shh! I'm keeping a low profile.
Spencer keeps releasing videos, and I've been getting a lot of [laughing.]
He released another bad one today of me at the water park.
The one where your swimsuit came out of the water slide without you in it! I'm guessing, 'cause I didn't watch it.
I didn't even realize my trunks were gone until I was in line at the Snack Shack! Conor, just give him the map.
We still might be able to beat them at the tournament.
I can't stand to see you being humiliated like this.
I don't care how much he embarrasses me.
I am not giving in to that little mama's boy.
[phone vibrating.]
Oh, no.
Not another one.
Okay, come on, everyone dresses up for Halloween.
Not as their mom! I gotta admit, I'm pretty surprised to see you here.
Congratulations, Spencer, you win.
Here's the map.
Now, give me Old Rusty.
Tell Conor not to feel too bad.
He just got outplayed by the baddest dude in the gaming world.
Spence, is this the girl you're always talking about? He has such a crush on you! Mom, I told you to wait in the car! You know, his swamp tushy is all cleared up.
You should go to the spring formal together! Come on.
It was nice to meet you.
You can call me Mom! All right, guys, if we win this next match, we're going to Nationals.
But we're going up against Operation Mayhem, so we gotta be on our A-game.
We might need more than that.
Thanks for the map, girlfriend.
I'm not your girlfriend.
You are up here.
Ashley, you gave him the map? Why would you do that? I'm sorry, but I had to.
I guess you're just more important to me - than some dumb map.
- I am? Gamers, take your positions! [audience applauds, cheers.]
What did you do? This is nothing like the map you gave me! I knew Ashley would give Spencer the flash drive, so I switched out the map.
The only way to beat an evil genius is to be a eviler genius-er.
[bell dinging.]
And Thumbs of Fury is going to Nationals! I don't get it, Conor.
Why didn't you just give him the fake map? Because the minute I folded he would've become suspicious that it wasn't the real thing, but I knew I could count on you to save me from any more embarrassment.
Well, you could've just told me your plan.
No way.
You're a horrible liar.
- I am not! - Really? Hey, did you like that good-luck bracelet that Franklin made us? Yeah I did.
So pretty, so many colors.
Fine, I'm a horrible liar.
We've been stomping these grapefruits for hours, Dwayne.
My eyes are burning, my feet are numb, and I got pulp in places that should be pulp-free.
I know, but it'll be worth it.
We got 50 gallons of this liquid gold.
[bell dings.]
Franklin, where'd you get those sick wheels? I bought it with the money I made scamming a couple guys into buying rotten grapefruit.
Ha ha, nice! What a couple of chumps.
You know, there are suckers born every We're the chumps, aren't we? You wasted your entire weekend stomping on rotten grapefruit and you paid me to do it! Oh, thanks for the new bike, dummies.
[bell dings.]
This is your fault! My fault?! Attack! Oh, great.
Our "president's" here.
Don't worry, he's not gonna be president for long.
Spencer, we'll go ahead and accept your resignation now.
Any why would I do that? - I had a visit with your mom.
- Why would you do that? Because she just loves - to talk about her little Spency! - Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
She even showed me a video from your trip to the County Fair! [crying, screaming.]
Whee! Mommy, Mommy! I need fresh underpants! [laughing.]
Fine, fine! I resign.
Just don't post that.
Hold on.
There's one more thing.
Uhh! [rips off.]
Welcome back, baby.
Hello, friends! Today is your lucky day, because I am selling Dr.
Dwayne's Grapefruit Wonder Tonic! It's good for all that ails you! - Smells like rotten grapefruit juice.
- No, it doesn't.
Just one swig a day will give you the vim and vigor of a teenager! We are teenagers.
Why don't you take a swig and show us how it works? Okay.
Mm I'm gonna I'm gonna drink this.
Oh Hmm! So good! Yep, I can feel the vim and vigor scorching through my body.
[relieved sigh.]
Should I put you down for one or two cases?
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