Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e05 Episode Script

Home Sweet Swindler/Forget-Me-Not Newton/The Great Inventor

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends! We're
We're ready to party we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
I'm scared
Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Let's go
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing Fiesta
Romancing Siesta
Samba La Bamba
Ay caramba
And pies of
And pies of all sizes
Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪
You bet
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- If you can find a better show on television, watch it.
(energetic music)
(eerie music)
A cool breeze hung over the night like an icy chill.
In the house the young, naive cartoonist hardly suspected
the terror that lurked without,
hardly heard the stranger skulking about in the bushes.
(crunching) But then he heard it
lurking outside.
Still the foolish lad didn't suspect.
Didn't suspect that the intruder was there on a mission,
that he had the name of Jon Arbuckle on his list
and he wasn't about to leave until he had crossed it off.
- Excuse me!
Would you like to buy a magazine subscript-uon?
- Magazine subscription?
(Jon screaming)
- (Garfield) Jon Arbuckle,
a man who's found himself in one of
Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff!
(thunder crashing)
At that very moment,
Arbuckle's trusty and handsome cat was fast asleep
but when he sensed Jon was in danger,
he sprang immediately into action!
- Congratulations, Mr. Arbuckle!
You now have a five-year subscript-uon
to Sponge Illustrated, the only magazine in the world
devoted to our friend, the sponge!
And you're getting our lowest ever rate
of one, one measly dollar an issue!
- Do you know how much Chinese food
you could've bought knew that money?
- It was worth it to get rid of him.
I'll never see that salesman again!
- Never see that salesman again?
Ha, famous last words,
because what Jon Arbuckle didn't realize
was that when you subscribe to a magazine,
you sign up forever. (phone ringing)
- Yello.
- Mr. Arbuckle, do you realize your subscript-uon
to Sponge Illustrated has only 59 more months to run?
Oh-ho-ho, I am authorized to offer you
our super deluxe lowest rate ever
of 90 cents an issue, if you renew now!
(Jon screaming)
All right, Mr. Arbuckle, you drive a hard bargain!
80 cents an issue!
(Jon screaming)
- I haven't heard Jon scream like that
since I waxed the kitchen floor
with cream cheese and went skating.
(eerie music)
By the next morning, Jon Arbuckle had almost forgotten
about the magazine subscription guy, but not for long
- Mr. Arbuckle, your subscript-uon to
Sponge Illustrated
expires in (gasping) four years 11 months!
But if you renew now I can offer you
our guaranteed lowest ever rate of,
oh we're going to starve, 70 cents an issue!
(Jon screaming)
How about 60 cents an issue?
- (Garfield) In the days that followed
the nightmare only grew worse for Jon Arbuckle.
- Ho-Ho-Ho, you've been a good little boy Jonny,
so I'm offering you Sponge Illustrated
and our absotively, definitely lowest price ever
of 50 cents an issue!
(Jon screaming)
What's the matter, don't you believe in Santa?
- (Garfield) No matter where he went, there the monster was,
subscription renewal form in hand!
- (gasping) Our certified and bonded lowest price ever
of 40 cents an issue!
(Jon screaming)
("Brahms Lullaby")
(Jon sighing)
Are you going to let your subscription just expire?
I can offer you five more years at only 30,
30, count them 30 cents an issue!
(Jon screaming)
Oh we are the Buddy Bears
We always get along
- (TV) We interrupt the Buddy Bears to bring you
this special bulletin for Jon Arbuckle!
- Jon, ol' buddy, how about our notarized,
lowest in the history of mankind price of 20 cents an issue?
(thudding and sparking)
- Come on, guys, we're getting out of here
and going on vacation!
- It won't work.
You can run but you can't hide.
(wacky music)
- Come on, our flight leaves in 10 minutes!
Skycap, will you check my bags?
- I'll check your bags, if you renew your subscription!
(Jon screaming)
10 cents an issue, that's my final offer!
(Jon sighing)
- Think there's the slightest chance
Mr. Sponge Illustrated isn't on this fight?
- Uh-uh.
- Me neither.
- We made it! (panting)
- Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,
this is your pilot speaking.
We'll be flying at an altitude of 50,000 feet
so settle back, relax,
and renew your subscription to Sponge Illustrated,
only a nickel a copy!
(Jon screaming)
(tense music)
- (Garfield) Jon Arbuckle thought he'd eluded
the magazine subscript-uon guy, he thought he'd gotten
away from him once and for all.
He was, of course, (scoffing) wrong.
(helicopter humming)
- Attention, Jon Arbuckle!
You can renew your subscript-uon at the lowest price ever,
free, that's right renew your subscript-uon
to Sponge Illustrated absolutely free!
(Jon screaming)
- (Garfield) 15 hours later,
a weary and exhausted Jon Arbuckle finally reached land.
- (panting) It's no use!
Wherever I go, no matter what I do, he'll be there!
I might as well get it over with!
All right, wherever you are you might as well come out!
- Mr. Arbuckle, do you realize that your subscript-uon
to Sponge Illustrated expires in only 259 weeks?
Oh please, please renew your subscription!
If you don't, they'll fire me
and my whole family will starve!
My wife, my 88-year-old mama, my 14 children,
all of whom need braces and new video games!
I can give you our guaranteed, on my honor, cross my heart,
lowest price ever, we'll pay you 75 cents each to renew!
If you have a shred of human dignity within you,
please, oh please renew! (sobbing)
- All right, all right, I'll renew my subscription!
Where do I sign?
- (Garfield) And so for Jon Arbuckle the terror was over.
He returned to his home and his dog and his cat, who,
by the way, resents the lousy part he had in this episode.
Everything was peaceful once more,
until (doorbell ringing)
- Now who could that be?
- You know who it is, don't ya?
- Yeah, yeah!
- So do I, so do we all.
- Mr. Arbuckle, do you realize your subscript-uon
to Sponge Illustrated expires in only
(gasping) nine years and 11 months?
(Jon screaming)
I can offer you our guaranteed lowest price ever
of only $3.80 an issue!
How about a buck?
How about a buck for 10 more years?
(marching music)
- It's one of those mornings,
the kind of morning where you've been up
for two minutes and it feels like two days.
If I can just make it to my coffee, I'll be all right.
It's in sight.
Come on, Garfield, you can make it.
(yawning) You can make it.
- So close and yet so far.
(energetic music)
(rhythmic rock music)
- You can't get outta bed, Orson!
- I promised Booker and Sheldon I'd read them
Chicken Licken as a bedtime story.
- You can't, you're sick!
Someone else'll have to read to the chicks.
Come on, Bo, let's let Orson get some rest.
- Feel better, man, it'll make you, like, not feel so bad.
- I must be sick, Bo's starting to make sense to me!
- See ya later, sis!
- Bo, Chicken Licken, all right?
- I'd better go, like, read to chicks that story.
- (yawning) They're right, I just need sleep.
- Ey, Ors, you asleep?
(Orson screaming)
- Orson, do you think you should be
exercising when you are sick?
Orson, I really think you oughta stop kidding around
or you'll never get your health back!
- Get out, leave me alone!
- We just wanted to help!
- If you want to help go read Chicken Licken
to Booker and Sheldon and let me rest!
- Read to the chicks?
I can do that!
- As can I, I wanna read to them!
- I'm going to read to them.
- No, I'm gonna read to them.
- Oh contraire, ducko!
- I don't care if you can speak Spanish,
I'm still gonna read to them!
- (sighing) Getting sick around here is no fun!
(gentle music)
- Orson was gonna read us a story!
- Orson's not feeling well.
- I know, I just wanted a story!
- Like, "Once upon a time,
"there was his babe named Chicken Licken."
- Bo?
- You're gonna read to us?
- Yeah, like, I'm the designated pinch pig, man.
Okay, so anyway, "Chicken Licken was working
in the field one day when something chance to,
you know, like, hit her on the head."
(goofy music)
"So when she got her noggin together, she decided"
- Dear me, the sky is falling!
(action music)
- (Bo) So she got up and did her Wade Duck impression,
running all over the place!
(Chicken Licken squawking)
and who should she run into but her old amigo, Cocky Locky?
- (Lanolin) What do you think you are doing?
- Well, I'm, like, doing, like, Orson, man.
"Help, Cocky Locky, said Chicken Licken."
- You're not reading them that story,
I'm reading them that story!
- Okay, like, have it your way, sis!
- All right, now where are we?
- Um, Chicken Licken just met Cocky Locky.
- Okay.
"Help, Cocky Locky, said Chicken Licken."
- The sky is falling, we must tell the king!
- I knew it, all this tampering with the ozone layer!
- Ozone layer?
- Well, this is the environmentally-sound
version I'm reading to you.
So, "Chicken Licken and Cocky Locky ran through the woods
"until they ran into Ducky Wucky."
- (Cocky Locky) Oh Ducky Wucky!
- (Lanolin) Said Cocky Locky.
- The sky is falling!
(Ducky Wucky stuttering)
The, the sky, the sk, the sky is fa, fa, fa,
yeah, falling, falling, oh whoa, or mercy,
oh all this tampering with the ozone layer!
- (Lanolin) "We're going to
"tell the King, said Chicken Licken.
"May I come with you? asked Ducky Wucky,
"Certainly said Cocky Locky."
- I came all the way over here
and I'm gonna read the chicks their story!
- "So Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, and Ducky Wucky
"walked through the forest" - phone call for Lanolin Sheep
- Phone call?
I'll be right back!
- Ha, now where were we?
- About half past Ducky Wucky.
- So we were!
"So Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, and Ducky Wucky
"walked through the forest
"until they came upon Piggy Wiggy."
Boy, what great names!
"Chicken Licken said"
- Oh, Piggy Wiggy, the sky is falling!
- All this tampering with the ozone layer!
- I'm gonna go read the tale of
Chicken Licken to Booker and Sheldon.
- I hope you have better luck than I did, man!
- (Roy) "So Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky,
Ducky Wucky, Piggy Wiggy walked through the forest
"until they met Sheepy Creepy."
- Are you getting all this down, Booker?
- You can't tell your Piggy Wiggys is without a scorecard!
- "The sky is falling, they told Sheepy Creepy."
- Roy, Roy, your favorite TV show is on!
- Garfield and Friends?
Oh my goodness, I can't listen it, I gotta go,
we'll finish this later, bye!
- Where are we?
- Just skip past Sheepy Creepy.
- Okey-dokey!
"So Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, Ducky Wucky,
"Piggy Wiggy, and Sheepy Creepy walk through the forest
"until I met Lamby Wamby.
- The sky is falling!
- (Wade) "Said Chicken Licken
"to which Lamby Wamby replied"
- (Both) All this tampering with the ozone layer!
- Right, right!
"We're gonna go tell the king, said Cocky Locky,"
or maybe it was Ducky Wucky who said that.
- Hello?
There's nobody here!
- Wait a minute!
It isn't Saturday morning, Garfield isn't on!
"Sure you can come with us to tell the King,
"said Piggy Wiggy, and so Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky,
"Ducky Wucky, Piggy Wiggy, Sheepy Creepy, Lamby Whamby,
"Puppy Wuppy, Goosey Poosey, Horsey Worsey,
"Weasel Diesel, Turkey Lurky, Hawky Talky,
"Foxy Woxy, Eggy Leggy, Wooly Bully" (gasping)
"Catty Fatty, Beaver Cleaver, Wormy Squirmy,
"Hoggy Woggy, Rooster Shooster, Fishy Wishy, Apey Wapey,
"Toady Woady, Mallard Ballard, Hippo Zippo,
"Mousey Wousey, and Chicky Wicky all went to see the king."
(Wade panting and sputtering)
Oh boy.
- Hey Duck, that's my job!
- No, it's my job!
You preempted me right in the middle of Sheepy Creepy!
- No, like, I was reading the story first, man!
(all arguing)
- (sighing) What is going on?
- (All) "Finally they got a king's castle to warm him."
- The sky is falling!
- (All) "Chicken Licken said, the king promptly replied"
- All this tampering with the ozone layer!
- (All) "The king assured them that
"the sky was not falling and they"
- Shh!
(gentle music) (Booker and Sheldon snoring)
- We putted them to sleep.
- That story would make a cup of coffee doze off.
- Like, we're sorry we got you out of bed, man.
- Yeah, we were just trying to help you.
- I understand, but if you want to help me,
there is something you could do.
- What is it?
- Pray tell!
"And so Chicken Licken and Cocky Locky,"
- "and Ducky Wucky went through the forest,"
- "Where, like, they ran into this Piggy Wiggy dude"
- (sighing) When it comes to putting someone to sleep,
this is better than warm milk.
- (Lanolin) "The sky is falling, Chicken Licken said."
- (Wade) "All this tampering with the ozone layer,
"said Piggy Wiggy and then the four of them,"
Or five?
How many is it?
(energetic music)
- We're coming to you live from the Natural History Museum
where history is coming to life.
An actual living saber tooth tiger has been found
and brought here for scientific study.
- A saber tooth tiger?
They've been extinct since before the Stone Age!
- Researchers here have never seen a saber tooth tiger
and are looking forward to exhausting study
of the animal which is now being delivered.
- Hey, hey, hey, be careful with that, Charlie!
- I got it, I got it!
(saber tooth tiger roaring) (Charlie yelping)
- This is my chance!
(crowd screaming)
- The saber-tooth tiger's getting away!
- I'm not letting them keep me caged up anymore!
Oh, oh, what's this?
Very interesting!
According to this chart,
I'm not the only feline in this world
and that gives me a great idea!
(action music)
Here, I'm gonna need these!
(crowd yelling)
- That's him! - Hurry up, get him!
- (Saber Tooth Tiger) Now I get some denture cement.
- (Charlie) Hey, there he is!
- There he goes, hurry up! - Don't let him get away!
- I'll call you when the burgers are ready.
How would you like yours?
- Rare, my stomach's too empty to wait for well-done.
(action music)
- I think I lost them!
Now I need a cat of some kind.
(pensive music)
- (Garfield) Hey, what's going on here?
What are you doing?
- Quick-dry denture cement, perfect! (laughing)
- (gasping) What is this?
Some kinda nightmare?
- There he is, there's the saber tooth tiger!
- I see him! - No, these aren't my teeth!
(crowd yelling)
(Garfield struggling)
These aren't my teeth, honest!
I'm just your common everyday pussycat!
(crowd yelling)
(gentle music)
- Burgers, Garfield!
Did you hear some people yelling out in the street?
- Hmm, must be hungry, heh,
usually he at least leaves the tray.
(playful music)
(Odie barking and panting)
(Saber Tooth Tiger roaring)
(Odie yelping)
- Throw the stick so I can fetch it, indeed!
(classical music)
(Odie whimpering)t
- Odie, what's wrong?
(Odie yelping)
(Odie babbling)
Odie, what're you trying to tell me?
(Odie roaring)
Yeah, Garfield's kind of grumpy today, just let him sleep.
(Odie babbling)
(action music)
- I gotta get these teeth out!
- There he is! - He's getting on that bus!
(crowd yelling)
- Bye, guys!
(crowd yelling)
Ask for a transfer to the 81 West!
I gotta get these teeth off!
Do you realize how long it would take to brush these things?
(tense music)
(Odie moaning)
(Saber Tooth Tiger roaring) (Odie yelping)
(Odie whining)
- Hey, that's fun, I might stay in this place forever!
- Guys, I've made us some dess
Odie, what's gotten into you?
(Odie babbling)
A walrus?
Garfield's acting like a walrus?
Well, you're right there.
(Odie grumbling)
Odie, I don't know what you're talking about.
I'll go check on Garfield.
(Odie whining)
I have no idea what's with Odie, maybe Garfield's pushed him
off the table one too many times.
There you are my little Garfield!
Snoring away, purring like a little kitten!
(Saber Tooth Tiger roaring)
(Jon gasping)
(Jon stuttering)
- With teeth like this I'd have to see my dentist
twice a day and floss with a garden hose!
(Jon stuttering)
- It's a tiger, a saber tooth tiger!
- Yoo-hoo, anybody home?
(Jon screaming)
You're clumsy dentist, Arbuckle, but effective.
- Garfield, there's a saber tooth tiger in there!
- There's no real saber tooth tiger in the living room!
(Saber Tooth Tiger roaring)
There is a real saber tooth tiger in the living room!
(sneaky music)
- Let's get outta here!
I'll call the police and the museum!
- See if Tarzan's listed in the
phone book while you're at it!
- We need more help, over and out!
- We are coming to you from a suburban home
where for the last hour experts have been attempting
to recapture a dangerous saber tooth tiger.
(Saber Tooth Tiger roaring)
I see that two museum attendants have just failed
in the most recent attempt.
This is Jon Arbuckle, the owner of the house.
Mr. Arbuckle, how long have they
been trying to get the tiger out?
- About two hours now.
I'm beginning to think nothing will ever get that tiger out.
- You got it, fella!
- I have a way to get him out!
It's not kind but it has to be done.
(Odie babbling)
- Mr. Arbuckle, I understand your cat is trying to succeed
where the museum and SWAT teams have failed.
What is he up to?
- I have no idea, I just hope
- Wait a minute!
The saber tooth tiger has just come out of the house!
- Help me, please help me!
Take me back to the museum, please!
Lock me up, anything, just get me away from that,
that scene inside, help!
- Garfield, you did it!
- I said I would.
- The police couldn't do it, the zoo couldn't do it,
how were you able to get that tiger to leave our house?
- I did the cruelest thing to him I could think of,
I invited Nermal over.
- Yes, it's me, Nermal!
The cutest kitty cat in the whole wide world!
- (Garfield) Even a saber tooth tiger
can get sick his stomach.
- I wanna play with a ball of string, Garfield!
And roll around and look real cute and have people pet me!
- Wait, maybe we were better off with the tiger!
(upbeat music)
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