Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e11 Episode Script

The Worst Pizza in the History of Mankind/Jack II: The Rest of the Story/The Garfield Opera

- (Narrator) Ladies and gentlemen: Garfield and Friends. We're! We're! Ready! Ready!
To! To! Party!
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
I'm scared
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪
Samba, la bamba, ay caramba
Disguises! Disguises! Surprises! Surprises! ♪
And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Garfield and friends
- (Garfield) And make sure you stick around
after the show for the big cast party.
(upbeat music)
Throughout recorded history
there have been many horrifying ghastly disasters.
Tragedy such as the Black Plague.
The Spanish Inquisition and of course the Cleveland Indians.
But there has been no greater blight
than the one perpetrated by this man, Toni Arbacli.
The story of Toni Arbacli and his rotten pizza
began a half a century ago.
In this neighborhood.
- Come on Pupola let's go to the park.
- (Dog) Bark, bark.
- (Garfield) They would go to the park every afternoon
and Tony would throw the stick and the dog would fetch it
and Tony would throw the stick
and the dog would fetch it.
Isn't it sad how in all these years dogs
still haven't found anything intelligent to do?
Anyway, Tony's only other interest in life
was making pizza.
It was really only one thing wrong with Tony's pizza.
- Yuck.
- (Garfield) It stunk.
I don't mean it was mediocre or barely adequate
or even a D-minus.
What made it even worse was that Tony
would usually sing as he served it.
(singing in foreign language)
My pizzeria
- (Garfield) In any case needless to say Tony
did not have a lot of customers.
- I don't understand why people they no like-a my pizza.
Or my singing.
- (Garfield) That was the way it went for Tony.
Until one day when a handsome but hungry cat
wandered into his neighborhood.
The cat smelled Tony's pizza
and thought it smelled delicious.
Which just proves even your own nose will lie to you.
- (Garfield) I must to have a sum of that deliciouso pizza.
He raced into Jon's I mean Tony's pizzeria
and ordered one with everything.
Oh he tried to eat it alright.
(quirky music)
This pizza.
She's amazing.
Things are couldn't possible get worse.
(singing in foreign language)
Well what do you know things they went
and they got worse.
- Yow. Ow, ow.
Ooh ah.
- (Garfield) That sounds much better.
What none of them knew was that at that very moment in town
there was an emergency meeting of villagers
with extremely bad Italian accents.
- This-a pizza is so bad it must-a be a crime.
- The monster she must be destroyed.
- So what are we waiting for?
- (Garfield) Off the crowd marched while at the pizzeria.
- Make sure you remind me to turn off of the oven
in a five minutes or we have a big trouble.
You uh got any uh Moo goo gai pan left?
- Barka barka.
- No, Pupola, I tell you I'm a sick of throwing a stick.
Hey these are all empty.
These all empty.
You eat everything.
- (Garfield) Not true.
I save you a fortune cookie.
But only the paper part.
(crowd chanting)
- Hey we got a company.
Welcome a welcome.
Are you all here for Tony's pizza yes?
(overlapping chatter)
- There isn't nothing more disgusting than this dump.
- Oh, then you want an order to go correct?
- We are gonna destroy this place.
- You and your miserable pizza.
(overlapping chatter)
- (Garfield) Tony didn't know what to do.
The crowd was bigger than him, stronger than him.
They were determined to destroy his pizzeria.
- Please I'm begging you give me a break.
- (Garfield) It looked like all was lost.
Luckily, the cat had an idea.
He raced to the piano
and grabbed various and sundry operettas.
- This is no time' for a number pussycat.
These people, they are gonna kill me.
(singing opera)
The mob was ugly but not as ugly as Tony's singing.
(singing opera)
You can stop now Pavarotti they're gone.
- Pussycat you save on my pizzeria.
Everything she's alright.
- (Garfield) Except that I smell uh something of funny.
- Oh no.
I forgot to turn the oven off.
- (Garfield) It was a joyous occasion
for lovers of fine food the world over.
- What am I gonna do now?
- (Garfield) The future looked bleak
for Toni Arbacli that night.
But then his dumb but loyal dog
found something amidst the rubble.
The last pizza that Tony had ever made.
- One of my pizzas.
I don't care about pizza no more.
I never want to see a pizza again.
- Barka barka.
- Hey, that's a kinda neato.
- (Garfield) Tony had invented something people might buy.
Within weeks he'd set up a manufacturing plant
using his pizza recipe merely substituting plastic
for the tomato sauce.
They tasted just about a the same.
Within two years Tony had sold millions of them
and was one of the richest men in the world.
- Here you go Pupola.
- Barka barka.
- Kitty cat, I feel like I owe it all to you.
How can I repay you?
No more pizza cooking and a no more singing.
You got it.
- (Garfield) And so the two greatest threats
to humanity were eliminated at the same time.
Toni Arbacli never cooked again and he never sang again.
- Garfield, dinner's ready.
I made a chocolate tuna casserole with maple syrup.
(singing opera)
- (Garfield) Unfortunately some of his descendants
inherited all of his skills and none of his money.
Good night.
(holiday music)
Rats, I missed.
He loves any kind of attention.
As long as it's attention.
(upbeat music)
- As he walked through the huge castle in the sky
Jack marveled at how large everything seemed.
The man who lives here at up the beanstalk
must truly be a giant.
Just then, he heard the loudest footsteps
he had ever heard.
- (Wade) Hey, what you doing guys?
- Oh I'm reading Jack and the beanstalk to the chicks.
- Proceed. Don't mind me.
No one ever does you know.
- You're okay.
Now where was I?
- (Sheldon) Loudest footsteps he ever heard.
- Right. Just then he heard the loudest footsteps
he had ever heard.
Gadzooks, it can only be the Giant.
Jack knew he must not leave empty-handed.
So he quickly grabbed up the goose
that laid the golden eggs.
- Golden eggs?
Ooh, sounds painful.
- Wade, please.
That was when he saw the giant.
- Giant) Fi fi fo fate.
I smell the blood of an Englishpig.
- (Orson) With all his might,
Jack ran for the exit from the Giant's Castle.
Even as he reached the outside however
he could hear the giant after him.
As fast as his legs could carry him across the clouds
Jack sprinted toward the beanstalk
that had brought him here.
Quickly, he climbed down the beanstalk
toward the ground far below.
(upbeat music)
- This is exciting.
- Wade.
- Sorry.
- (Orson) Just when he thought he gotten away
from the giant he looked up and there he saw the giant
climbing down the stock in close pursuit.
- (Giant) Give me back my goose that lays the golden eggs.
- Isn't that painful?
- Roy, do you mind?
- Laying golden eggs huh.
That sounds painful and cold.
- Roy I'm trying to read a story.
- Laying regular eggs is hard enough.
- Roy.
- Not that I have ever laid one myself, mind you.
But I have friends.
- Roy!
Now I lost my place again.
- The Giant is chasing Jack down the beanstalk.
- Right. So Jack slid down the beanstalk
all the way to the ground miles below.
When he reached the bottom
he got an ax and started chopping down the beanstalk.
While high above the Giant
was still climbing down after him.
Finally Jack chucked all the way through the beanstalk
and sent it toppling.
That was the end of the giant.
But it was also the end of poverty for Jack and his mother.
With the goose that laid the golden eggs
they were very wealthy indeed.
- (Sheldon) Well?
- Yeah, go on what happens next?
- (Orson) Nothing happens next.
That's the end.
They lived happily ever after.
- Well how can you live happily ever after
with a dead giant in your front yard?
- (Sheldon) Yeah. Didn't that make people
at least a little suspicious?
- And what about the goose
that laid the golden albeit painful egg?
- That's the end of the story.
There's no more to it than that.
- Well how can I leave
all those little things just lying around?
- A dead giant on the lawn is not a little thing.
- (Sheldon) What an unsatisfying story.
- Well, if there's more to write then why don't we write it?
- You mean like do a sequel?
- (Sheldon) Telling the rest of the story?
- A fine idea rooster.
- Come on.
I have paper in my coop.
(overlapping chatter)
(pregnant music)
- (Sheldon) How long have we been at this?
- Six hours.
- Read back what we have so far.
- Once upon a time.
- Well, it is a catchy beginning.
- I've heard it before.
- (Sheldon) Yeah, we need something different.
- How about twice upon a time?
- How about giving up?
- Oh I'm good at that.
- No, no.
I've got it.
Yoh, yes, that is it.
- What is it?
- Roy's got an idea.
- Yes, yes, I love it.
Pick up my Pulitzer.
- Who is it?
- (Roy) Open up Orson, it's me.
- (Booker) And me.
- (Sheldon) And me.
- (Wade) And me.
- What's so important it couldn't wait until morning?
- We have the end of the story.
- What?
- The end of the Jack story.
Jack and his mother were rich now that they had the goose
that laid the golden eggs.
But later that day the law came to their door.
- Yes?
- Your name Jack? - Yes.
- As in Jack and the Beanstalk?
- Yes.
- Name's Stone.
I'm with the city sanitation squad.
I'd like to talk to you about your giant.
- What giant?
- (Roy) In the cottage Jack's mother was trying
to get the goose to lay just one more golden egg.
- Come on dear.
Just one more.
- Like we figured pretty painful.
- Mother, we have a terrible problem.
The city has ordered us to bury the giant.
- Well then let's do it.
- Do you know how much it's going to cost
to build a coffin big enough for him?
And we'll have to buy all of the Indiana
for a cemetery plot.
- That will cost a fortune.
- Any more eggs left in the goose?
- Not on your life.
- Yes they were in trouble.
But it was about to get worse.
- Let me read let me read.
Because the Sanitation Chief
was driving home and as he tried to make a left turn
around the Giant he noticed.
- (Giant) Ow, that hurts.
- The giant immediately decided
to swear out a complaint against Jack.
Jack was arrested and six months later brought to trial.
He was found guilty of goose stealing,
attempted murder of a giant
and chopping down bean stalks out of season.
- (Sheldon) My turn.
Jack got five to 10 of hard bean planting
in a federal prison.
- While the giant took his goose,
went home and converted the whole castle
to a floating mini mall.
The end.
- That's it Orson.
What do you think of it?
Ha, serves him right.
Now he'll never know how the story really ended.
- (Wade) Say Roy.
If Jack chopped down the beanstalk
how does the giant get home?
- (Sheldon) Yeah, how did he get home?
- (Wade) And how did you get a cloud rezoned
for a mini-mall?
- (Roy) Oh, shut up.
- (Wade) You shut up.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
- (Narrator) We interrupt Garfield and Friends
to bring you a serious cultural moment.
- Hello, I'm William buddy bear.
- I am Robert buddy bear.
- And I am Bertram buddy bear.
And we are here to provide you with something educational.
- No no please change the channel back.
We promise you will like it.
- Thank you for coming back.
- Today we present The Adventures of Garfield.
- As set to a fine piece of classical music.
- Which since it is real old we didn't have to pay for.
- So sit back and enjoy.
- Garfield's first symphony.
- Get cultured kids.
(orchestra tuning instruments)

(soft classical music)
So a new day's slowly dawning ♪
Please forgive this cat for yawning ♪
I see that it's half past seven ♪
I think I'll go back to bed until 11:00 ♪

But the puppy makes me cautious ♪
And our house guest makes me nauseous ♪
I would sleep up I'm unable
Might as well see if my breakfast on the table ♪

(classical music)

Where's my meal I am starving ♪
Start the cooking start the carving ♪
I eat breakfast as a habit
This is quite a lovely meal for a rabbit ♪
Make an omelet make a waffle
Though your cooking's really awful ♪
Make me pancakes
Make me bacon
If you think that I will eat this you're mistaken ♪
You're too fat
I can't be quiet
You're too fat
It's time to diet
I insist you will not have a feast ♪
Until you lose 10 pounds at least ♪
No more food forgive me
If I'm sounding rude
But you have got to lose some weight ♪
You get no more to eat until you look and see your feet ♪

(classical music)

Hiya Odie
Arf arf arf
What you doing
How's that bone there you are chewing ♪
There's a rumbling I'm in my tummy ♪
And that bone of yours is looking pretty yummy ♪
(classical music)
I am Nermal
I'm a cutie
I'm the peak of feline beauty ♪
Folks adore me if they've met me ♪
They will line up for a mile just to pet me ♪
(foreign music)
Sorry Nermal not this morning ♪
You have had your final warning ♪
I have taken up a hobby
Mailing kittens all the way to Abu Dhabi ♪
Un momento
Who's that person
Why it's Mrs. Anne Macpherson ♪
She's the chair- man undefeated ♪
Of a group that makes sure pets are not mistreated ♪
(exciting music)
You poor cat
I heard you squeal
You poor cat
You need a meal eat
Here's your master
He doesn't give you all the things you need to live ♪
Feed this cat
You know this is a real threat ♪
If you don't I will call our cops ♪
And they will send some cars of men to put you behind bars ♪
(frantic music)
Eat! Have a bowl of shredded wheat and some sugar ♪
Make it sweet or a treat it's unique ♪
When you add fruit or berries eat ♪
Dieting is obsolete
Have another piece of cake
Can't be beat though you cannot see your feet ♪
There is nothing in this world by eating all that's edible ♪
Have some ice cream lightly swirl it's really ♪
Just incredible eat each pie and rule and tart ♪
And do not count a calorie
Eating is the finest art you should be is a gallery ♪
Chew chew chew yes you just stuff yourself ♪
Until your little tummy aches ♪
Bite bite bite bite all night eat sandwich ♪
That your weary kitchen master makes ♪
And cakes
And steaks and flakes and lakes of shakes ♪
Munch have another glass of punch eat bananas by the bunch ♪
I've a hunch that they're planning ♪
Something good for dinner munch ♪
Hear that me meal going crunch ♪
I think your chair is gonna scrunch what a brunch ♪
This should hold you until lunch ♪
You know you love to dine on each fine kind of food ♪
you can find you put it all away although as you will note ♪
It all winds up behind
Do not let your fork stop have another pork chop ♪
(fast paced music)
(audience applause)
(upbeat music)
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