Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e12 Episode Script

Dummy of Danger/Sooner or Later/Jumping Jon

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're We're
Ready Ready
To To
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, Fiesta
Romancing, Siesta
Samba, La Bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises, Disguises
Surprises, Surprises
And pies of, And pies of
All sizes!
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- We're environmentally-sound,
all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show.
(upbeat theme music)

(upbeat music)
- Narrator: It all started millions of years ago,
well, maybe it was a week ago Thursday, in this house.
This was where Odie lived.
That's Odie right there, (Odie pants)
and that's the cat who lives here, Garfield.
- Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, puppy.
(Odie speaks)
- Narrator: That's Odie talk for,
"Santa Claus in September?"
- Sorry, the Reindeer Games ran late this year
and then I had an elf work stoppage,
do you have a wish, pup? (Odie barks)
Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm supposed to know these things.
Your wish is to be kicked off the table.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night, ho, ho.
(Odie speaks)
- Narrator: Oh, you're probably wondering
what Odie's wish really was,
well, he had only one wish,
it was the same wish he had every day,
(tranquil music) he wished that he could fly.
He'd look at the birds soaring so gracefully through the sky
and he'd wish that just once he could to that,
just for maybe five minutes or so.
(birds chirping)
(Odie sighs)
He even tried it once.
(Odie crashes)
Well, twice. (Odie crashes)
Actually, he tried it about 37 times.
(Odie crashes)
Now, Odie knew that dogs,
like people, just plain can't fly,
but it was something he had to try.
And as if not being able to fly wasn't bad enough
- Did you see that?
Boom, right to the ground!
- (chuckles) Like a rock, like the rocks in his head.
(all laugh)
- Narrator: Their laughter embarrassed Odie,
especially because he knew they were right.
(upbeat music)
It was a couple weeks later
when the owner took his pets to the beach.
- Isn't it great out here, guys?
The three of us together, it's like a family outing,
nothing will separate us, nothing will
See ya later, guys.
- Yeah, I know how he feels,
I wish a pizza would jog by.
Anyway, Odester,
I figure Jon should be back long before high tide and
- Narrator: Odie had found a cave there on the beach,
a cave that almost seemed to be calling to him.
(upbeat music)
The dog wandered all over the cave
until he found something buried near the back.
- Waste of time, pup,
you couldn't find anything important in this cave.
Just some old piece of
Odie, do you know what this is?
This is a magic lamp, you rub it and get three wishes.
I can wish for riches, I can wish for eternal life,
I can wish for rice pudding without raisins in it!
- Narrator: Garfield rubbed the lamp,
and he rubbed it, and he rubbed it,
and he rubbed it,
but nothing happened.
- I'm gonna do something constructive and take a nap.
- Narrator: What Garfield didn't know was
this wasn't the kinda lamp you rub,
this was the kind of lamp you have to slurp.
(Odie licks lamp)
- Who licked my lamp?
By the way, that's me,
don't I look good in a turban?
You may have three wishes, puppy.
(Odie barks)
Odie only had one wish,
so I decided to give it to him three times.
His wish was to fly.
So be it.
(Odie wails)
Perhaps I should've thrown in something about steering.
That was your first flight,
let us hope your second goes better.
Garfield was sound asleep on the shore,
so he couldn't see Odie's takeoff.
In fact, he didn't even see the tide coming in
and taking him out.
As for Odie, (upbeat music)
he was having the time of his life.
(geese squawk)
(Odie barks)
Finally, he came back to the cave,
where he made a safe but not too graceful landing.
That was your second flight, puppy,
you can fly one more time.
Make sure you save it for
something real important, goodbye.
So the little puppy trotted out of the cave
and he walked up to where his master was in a panic.
- Odie, Garfield's drifted out to sea.
- Genie: The tide had come in
and carried poor Garfield out into the water.
(Garfield yawns)
- Kinda damp around here.
No wonder it's damp. Help!
Things couldn't get worse.
- Genie: How about if a shark came along?
- Things got worse!
- A shark!
Keep an eye on him, Odie, I'm gonna get the Coast Guard.
- Genie: Now Garfield had been pretty mean to Odie lately,
still, Odie didn't hesitate
about using up his last flight on him.
- This is it, I'm history, I'm a goner, I'm
I'm seeing things.
This isn't happening, no, sir, not a chance.
- This had better be a real emergency, Mr. Arbuckle.
- It is, my cat's out in the water.
He's out there with a shark circling him,
and, and, and, and, and
- Is that your cat?
- He was out in the water, he was!
- Yeah, right.
- I'm telling you, he was out there.
- Genie: Well, Odie explained to Garfield
all about the three wishes
and how he used them all up.
- You used your last wish up for me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Odie, I'm never going to do
another rotten thing to you ever again,
for a while.
- Genie: Well, there isn't much more to the story.
Jon never did figure out how Garfield got to the shore.
Garfield kept his be nice to Odie promise for one full week,
not bad for him.
As for ol' Odie,
well, he didn't have to dream about flying anymore,
and when the other dogs teased him about wanting to fly,
well, he knew that he had,
and he knew that they never would,
and he figured that was good enough for him.
(tranquil music)
(mellow music)

(intense music)
- Hm?
(upbeat theme music)
(upbeat music)
(Roy scats)
- Roy? - Yeah?
- Roy?
- Huh?
- Could I have a word with you?
- Don't stand in my sun, I'm working on a feather tan.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, could I please, perhaps,
maybe, maybe, perhaps have
the $5 you owe me back?
- Oh, that's right, I owe you $5.
How long has it been?
- 14 years.
- Well, I owe you $5, and Roy Rooster always pays his debts,
Uh, Wade,
isn't that a ladybug over there?
- Ladybug?! Ladybug?!
Help, help!
Help, help, help, ladybug!
(Roy laughs)
- That's been working so well for 14 years.
- Help, help!
I'm afraid of a ladybug,
I am afraid of a ladybug.
- Wade, do you know who Franklin Delano Roosevelt was?
- He wasn't a ladybug, was he?
- No,
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
was the 32nd president of the United States.
He once said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
- Nothing to fear but fear itself?
- Uh-huh, the only thing in this world
worth being afraid of is fear.
- Oh, that's wonderful,
from now on, I know what I have to do,
help, I'm afraid of fear!
I'm afraid of fear, oh, help me!
- Wade, you should demand
that Roy pay you back the money he owes you.
- I would, but I'm an afraid duck.
- Well, what would history be like
if everyone was afraid of everything?
- A lot like my family reunion.
- Oh, Wade, I'm gonna teach you something.
- Nobody said hello to anyone or ate any of the food,
we were all too afraid.
- I'm gonna take you back in history.
- You wanna take me where?
- Back into history.
How far back shall we go?
- 14 years, so I can warn myself not to loan Roy $5.
- No, we'll go back to 1492.
Now, imagine,
we're aboard one of Christopher Columbus's ships.
We're sailing to discover the New World.
I'll be Columbus.
(clears throat)
The popular wisdom is that the world is flat,
but I, Christopher Columbus,
believe it to be round like a ball.
What say you, First Mate Wade?
- (groans) I say I want my mommy.
- (laughs) Wade will never get the nerve
to insist on his five bucks back.
Gee, my feet feel kinda damp.
Oh, wait a minute, I know what's going on,
Orson's fantasizing up a book again.
(Wade groans)
- Wade, we're not really on the sea, it's just pretend.
I am trying to show you great moments in courage
to inspire you to demand that Roy repay you.
- Aha!
Well, we'll have to make sure Wade doesn't get inspired.
- Here, listen to this,
"The ship sailed steady enough
"that not a man aboard felt the slightest rocking.
"Each hand aboard Columbus's ship was hale,
hearty, and ready for action.
- I feel hale, hearty, and ready for action.
- (laughs) This is so rotten.
What Orson reads in a book always seems to happen,
we'll just rewrite history a little.
- Land is far away, my captain.
- You're holding that backwards.
- Oh.
Land is very near, my captain.
- Some people think we will sail
off the edge of the world, sailor.
- (chuckles) Sail off the edge of the world, indeed.
- (chuckles) Where was I?
Oh, yes, "It was then that Columbus and his ships
"sailed right off the edge of the world."
What?! - What?!
(intense music)
I knew this would happen!
- I'll find some other chapter.
"It was a clear day in December of 1903
"when the Wright brothers rolled out their invention
out on the sand dunes at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
- Wade: Where are we?
(upbeat music) - In Kitty Hawk.
We are the Wright brothers,
and we're about to fly the first airplane.
- You are about to fly the first airplane,
I get a nosebleed when I stand on tippy-toe.
- Wade, we're just pretending.
- I don't like the principle of repaying money I owe.
- Are you sure nothing can go wrong, Orson,
I mean, Wilbur?
- History reports that this first flight
was successful, Orville,
and it'll show you that courage is important
if you're ever gonna accomplish anything.
Here we go,
the airplane began to roll along the ground,
gaining speed,
finally, the force of the wind under the wings
caused the craft to lift.
It soared off into the sky,
and just then, the giant space penguins seized the craft.
- Wade: Help, giant space penguins,
oh, I always knew this would happen!
- Somebody tampered with my book!
(Roy laughs)
- He'll never get his five bucks back. (laughs)
- Help, space penguins!
- Uh, there were no giant space penguins.
- No space penguins.
- Orson: And no airplane either!
- Some help you are.
- Instead, the duck was seated astride a giant rocket ship.
- This is better.
- A rocket ship specially programmed
to hone in on anyone who owed money to its pilot.
(Roy laughs)
- Huh?
It's just a figment of Orson's imagination,
it's not really there.
I don't have to run, there's no rocket there.
(intense music)
(Roy screams)
- The rocket headed for the deadbeat
and would not be shaken.
- Stop! Stoooooop!
- Wade: I can't stop!
- The rocket couldn't be stopped
until the pilot got his $5 back!
- Yeah, give the pilot back his $5!
- Here, here's the five I owe ya!
- Orson, I got my $5 back.
- And the rocket disappeared and everyone landed safely!
- I finally got my money back!
Hey, Roy, that's mine!
- Well, I'm borrowing it again,
if you want it back, just ask.
- Gee, I just found my book about prehistoric monsters.
(upbeat music)
- Here's your money back, Wade.
- As you can see, kids,
there's a lesson to be learned from this story.
- Yeah, if you don't repay money you owe,
a dinosaur squishes your head.
- That's pretty much it.
(upbeat theme music)

(soft flute music) (wolf howls)
- Here you are, Lorelei, I hope you enjoyed our date.
- Cecil, how long have we been dating?
- 38 years.
- And six days, don't you think it's time we got married?
- M-m-m-married?
You mean as in man and wife, as in forever?
- Yes, Cecil, dear, so how about it?
- I, I'm not old enough for marriage.
- You're the same age as me, 127.
- That's what I mean.
Thanks for a lovely evening, goodbye.
- I can't stand men, or whatever he is, who won't commit,
I need to cool off.
I think I'll go for a ride. (laughs)
Somewhere out there, there's a man for me,
and I'm going to find him! (cackles)
(upbeat music)
- You know, Garfield, sometimes you amaze me.
- Sometimes I amaze me too.
- A few blocks ago, we passed that sidewalk lasagna vendor
and you didn't demand all his lasagna,
maybe you're learning self-control.
- Maybe I'm learning to use a lariat.
- Maybe I can find a guy here in the park,
someone handsome, someone not too bright.
- Garfield, you're hopeless,
you can't take a man's whole cart.
- But it said to go on the side.
- Mm, what a hunk, I must have him for my husband.
I better change my appearance,
just until he gets to know me. (chuckles)
- Don't give me problems,
we came here to walk Odie,
and maybe so that I might meet a beautiful woman.
- And he calls me hopeless.
Jon actually expects a beautiful woman to walk up and say,
"You're kinda cute."
- You're kind of cute.
- You, you, you, you, you, you, you are, I mean, I am?
- I'm Lorelei, let's have dinner and get better acquainted.
- Hoo, Garfield, Lorelei and I are going on a date,
take over walking Odie.
(upbeat music)
- Come on, we're gonna follow them.
(Odie speaks)
A beautiful woman is interested in Jon
and you're asking what's wrong?
How long have you been on this show?
Now we've lost them,
we'll have to search every restaurant in town.
- Well, what do you usually do after dinner
when you're out on a date?
- I don't know, I don't think I've ever had a date
that actually made it all the way to the end of dinner.
- Well, I have an idea.
- Okay.
- Let's get married.
- (chuckles) M-m-married?
- There they are, and they're still speaking.
Odie, this could be serious.
- Lorelei, I like you and all that, but we just met,
I'm not ready to talk about marriage.
- You're going to marry me, and that's that!
- You're right, she's a witch.
- You're not going anywhere!
Broom, come to me.
I'll take you home and make you my husband! (cackles)
- "Husband?" (imitates laugh)
Hurry, Odie, keep her in sight,
we've gotta stop her before the I dos.
- Let me outta here!
Help! You can't do this to me!
- Get set to see your blushing bride, Jonny! (cackles)
(hums "Bridal Chorus") ("Bridal Chorus" plays)
Jonny, what would I have to give you for a little kiss?
- (groans) Novocaine?
- I've gotta get back in Lorelei's bad graces,
make her forget all this marriage nonsense,
maybe a nice gift.
(wolf howls) - She took him to that house.
- Maybe a 50-foot man-eating poisonous snake.
No, she already has three of them.
Pets, a nice dog and cat,
she can pet them, and hold 'em, and care for them,
or make stew, yes.
(spooky music)
- This path leads up to the house,
let's go this way.
Let's not go this way!
- Come back here, dog and cat!
Come back, you come back here!
- He's saying that like he actually expects us to do it.
- Come outta there!
- Let's head for the house!
- Yeah, yeah!
- You're not serious about us getting married?
- Very serious. - You can't
- This is Franky, a justice of the peace.
In fact, he's a man of many pieces. (laughs)
- We gather here join man, woman, matrimony.
- Help, oh help.
(intense music)
(Odie whimpers)
- You could say that again.
- I'm gonna catch you, animals, I'm gonna
(Garfield blows whistle)
(Garfield blows whistle)
Uh, that way, Officer? (Garfield blows whistle)
Okay, thanks.
- Oh, right on the philodendron.
Now where are we?
Oh yes, Jon, we have to save Jon.
(Odie speaks)
- What about him?
Oh, don't worry about old double-ugly, he's history.
Uh-oh, history's repeating itself.
- Do you, Arbuckle, take woman be wife of you?
- He does.
- Franky: Do you, Lorelei, take man be husband of you?
- I do.
- Anyone show cause why not marry these two people?
- My Lorelei!
She's, she's marrying someone else.
- Now's your chance, Lugosi, get in there.
- Me now pronounce you man and--
- Cecil: Wait!
- Cecil!
- You can't marry this, this creature!
- And give me one good reason why not!
- Because
I wanna marry you, that's why.
- Oh, Cecil!
- I hate to interrupt a happy couple,
but could we have our friend back?
- You want your friend back, kitty?
Very well. (cackles)
- Let me outta this place!
- Me too! (Odie barks)
- Me now pronounce you man and witch.
(upbeat music)
- (sighs) That was the most horrible experience of my life.
- Look, what a perfect couple,
I'm sure they'll have perfectly hideous children.
- Garfield, Odie, this is it,
the next time a beautiful woman
shows the slightest interest in me,
I'm running the other way.
- Excuse me, but, you're kinda cute.
- (gasps) Noooo!
- What's wrong with that guy?
- Beats me.
Let's go, we have a beauty contest to get to.
(upbeat theme song)

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