Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e05 Episode Script

The Canine Conspiracy/Snow Wade and the 77 Dwarfs: Part 1/The Genuine Article

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're! We're!
Ready! Ready!
To! To!
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
I'm scared
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta
romancing, siesta
Samba, la bamba
ay caramba
Disguises, disguises
surprises, surprises
And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- (Garfield) If a tree falls while our sound effects man
is at lunch does it make a sound?
(energetic music)
A week ago Tuesday Mrs. Ethel Feinblatt
stops at a local delicatessen for a corned beef on rye,
easy on the mustard and a side of slaw.
(dog barks) Suddenly the unexpected happens.
(dog barks) (energetic music)
- Stop, help!
That dog took my purse!
Stop that dog!
- The purse snatching pooches, today on:
The Garfield Crime Files.
Hello and welcome to the Garfield Crime Files
where each week we bring you the story
of some sinister lawbreaker,
like Benny "The Celery Stalk" Burlap,
wanted for embezzlement, armed robbery,
and buying a leisure suit after 1971.
Or Sam "The Spatula" Shmidlap
wanted for gambling, smuggling, and having one of those
baby on board signs in his car window.
(shudders) A couple of tough customers there.
But today on the Garfield Crime Files,
and by the way this feature is nothing like
Garfield Tales of Scary Stuff, let's get that straight.
In this drawer is the case of the purse snatching pooches.
(violin music)
Excuse me, in this drawer is my lunch.
In this drawer is the case of the purse snatching pooches,
and how this airheaded airedale
found himself in the midst of it.
How could sweet innocent Odie get his mug
on the 10 most wanted hounds list?
For that answer we have to go back to last Monday
in this quaint suburban home.
Inside cartoonist Jon Arbuckle was making up a grocery list.
- Cheese dip, chestnuts, chewing gum, chicken gumbo.
- (Garfield) The list was so long he decided
to send his dog to the market
just to pick up items beginning with the letter J.
- That's probably all he can carry.
- (Garfield) He gave the mutt money and the list
and sent him on his merry way.
(Odie barks)
- No leads in the string of purse snatchings
allegedly being perpetrated by dogs.
- Garfield will you turn the TV off?
I have to work.
- I have to work too.
But while I, the cat, was hard at work
Odie was already halfway downtown.
Where unbeknownst to him, Mrs. Barbra Streisand,
no relation to the singer,
was just leaving Harry's Chicken Suit Emporium
with her usual Memorial Day chicken costume.
Suddenly crime reared its ugly head.
- Help, that dog stole my purse!
- (Garfield) The dog had almost made a clean getaway
when he saw them, the police.
In his panic, he dropped the stolen purse
and fled into an alley.
10 seconds later Odie turned the corner onto Elm Street.
Some poor lady dropped her purse, he thought.
He decided to see if he could find its owner
and return it to her.
That was when the police spotted him.
- There's the dog with the purse.
(siren blaring)
(dramatic music)
- After him!
- (Garfield) By now even more confused than usual,
which is pretty confused,
the puppy ran madly from the police.
- Hey dog, this way.
(tires screeching)
(Odie barks)
- (Garfield) A block away two men
were manning a phony plumber's truck.
- Joe, the nice dog's coming in with a handbag,
but the dog he don't look familiar.
- Ah we got so many, now you can't keep track.
Just get him in the back and let's split.
- Hey mutt, in here.
(Odie whines)
(dramatic music)
I said in here, hurry.
(dramatic music)
- Just their con, they ain't looking for no plumbers.
- (Garfield) The trick worked,
and Odie found himself an accidental member
of the purse snatching pooches.
Four hours later Odie still wasn't home.
- Where could he be?
I gave him $40.
- Never trust $40 to someone whose IQ is a lower number.
Let's see what else is on.
- Lead on the gang of purse snatching dogs.
Mrs. Streisand, no relation to the singer,
told our news crew.
- (Reporter) What kind of dog was it?
- Small, white, not very bright looking
but at least he didn't get my chicken suit.
- Jon, we may be onto something.
What am I thinking, Odie purse snatching?
It couldn't be.
- An amateur photographer took this home video of the dog.
- That's Odie!
- And he's turned to a life of crime?
(dramatic music)
No, this cannot be.
Odie is honest, true blue and decent,
and he isn't smart enough to steal.
And so the handsome cat, I,
set out to find his, uh, my friend.
I vowed to search everywhere.
From the highest mountain
to the deepest crevice of the earth.
No matter what personal sacrifice,
no matter what private agony, I vowed not to rest
until I had cleared the good name of Odie.
And it's lucky I found him a block and a half away,
'cause my feet were really starting to get tired.
As we found out later,
Odie had made the other dogs realize they were being used.
(dogs muttering)
- We were used!
- Okay come on yous guys, everybody out.
(dogs barking)
Hey Joe, the dogs are loose!
The dogs are loose!
- The dogs are loose?
What do ya mean the dogs are loose?
- Just what I said.
Let's get 'em, especially that dumb looking new one.
(dramatic music)
(Garfield whistles)
- Hey slurping's a felony
and you're in enough trouble already.
Now we--
(dramatic music)
- There's the mutt!
- We run, that's what we do, we run.
(dramatic music)
This way Odester.
(Odie whines)
- They're hiding out in that building there.
- We got 'em trapped.
(dramatic music)
- Locked, we're doomed.
Hey why are they chasing me?
You're the crook.
Alright, alright I know you didn't do it.
And I know who did.
- Let me have the purse, mutt.
- Hey what kinda place is this anyway?
- I believe it's called the 12th precinct.
The crooks were tossed in jail.
The dogs rounded up and the purses returned
to their rightful owners.
The dog name of Odie was cleared,
and Odie was welcomed home,
despite the fact that he was without all my favorite foods
starting with the letter J.
A criminal no more.
That's it for this one.
Be with us next time when we look
into The Garfield Crime Files.
We're going after the guy who edits movies for television,
talk about your evil criminals.
(playful music)
- (Jon) Garfield, here's your dinner.
(playful music)
- (Garfield) My dinner, some assembly required.
(playful music)
(gentle lullaby music)
(owl hoots)
- Alright, it's story time.
- (Sheldon) Oh boy!
- I know what kind of story I want,
something with monsters and ghosts in it.
- (Sheldon) And ninjas, don't forget ninjas!
- Oh you all forget that Roy's niece is visiting us.
Now I think we should let our guest here select the story.
- Maybe, oh!
I always wanted to hear this one, Snow White.
- Snow white?
- That's a girl's story.
- Well, I'm a girl.
- Yeah, but we're not.
- Girl's stories are boring. - I like them!
- Alright come on guys.
Chloe has chosen.
I'm reading Snow White.
Booker, Sheldon, Chloe,
how would you like not only to hear the story
but experience it as well?
- How is that possible?
- Well, I'll need a Snow White.
Oh, there's someone who'll do fine.
Wade, you're gonna be Snow White.
- Oh, no I'm not.
I'm gonna run madly over the hill.
- Wade, there may be coyotes over the hill.
- I'm gonna stay right here and be Snow White.
- But wade can't be Snow White.
- He's a man, sort of.
- But we're gonna use the power of our imagination.
We're going to imagine we're all in a big castle.
- (Group) Oh, a big castle.
(triumphant music)
- Ooh.
- Nice art direction.
- And now, we'll all imagine Wade
as the poor over- worked Snow White.
(whimsical music)
- Could I see something in a summer frock?
- It's fine Wade.
(whimsical music)
- I don't know, it's not me.
- Wade.
- Maybe, maybe with the right accessories?
- Wade, get to work.
- Do we get to meet the wicked queen now Orson?
- She's next.
Let's sneak over and get a peek at her.
(suspenseful music)
- Uh Orse, could I be the handsome and dashing prince?
- Oh, uh, well I had planned to have--
- Oh please, pretty please
with low cal sugar substitute on it.
- Oh okay, okay alright.
- Oh boy, I'm gonna go get ready.
- Uh Roy, the prince doesn't come in until,
oh what's the use.
- Bah, phooey and other royal curses.
- Is that the wicked queen?
- Sure looks that way, watch.
- Mirror, make like Honest Abe
and tell me who's a fabulous babe.
- Like every day I am afraid,
the finest babe is Miss Snow Wade.
- (growls) I must destroy Snow Wade
so that I can be the most fabulous babe in the kingdom.
Who are you?
- Us, uh we (stutters) are loyal servants
your wicked queenship.
- Then prove your loyalty to me servants.
Take Snow Wade into the woods, do away with her,
then return to me with her gizzard in a bejeweled box.
(dramatic music)
- Yes sir, I mean ma'am.
- Right away.
Still think this is just a girl's story guys?
- Not anymore.
- Oh woe is I.
Now only does my wardrobe not do me justice,
but I am getting dishpan feathers.
Whoops, where are you taking me?
Or don't I want to know?
(breathing heavily)
- The queen told us to take you out in the forest
and do away with you.
- Oh, well that makes sense.
Help, unfortunate plot twist!
Oh please, oh help!
Fairytale gone awry, oh please help!
- Calm down Wade, we're not gonna do away with you.
- We're going to leave you here in the forest.
- Leave me in the forest with wild pumas
and bears and rabid chipmunks?
- No, we're gonna leave you with the seven dwarfs.
- Oh they sound harmless, and petite.
- But the wicked queen is expecting his, uh, her gizzard.
- We'll just stop off at a local gizzard shop
and pick one up, she won't know the difference.
- Yeah, that wicked queen is pretty dumb.
- Oh dwarfs?
Seven dwarfs?
Yikes, I'm scared!
- No, I'm Scared.
- What do you mean you're scared?
- I'm petrified.
- No, I'm Petrified.
- And I'm Silly.
- Oh I get it.
Your name is Scared, yours is Petrified, and yours is Silly.
You are all part of the seven dwarfs.
- Seven?
- Try 77.
- There's a housing shortage.
- Yeah, I'll introduce you.
- If you want anything done in this world,
you gotta do it yourself.
- Musty, Noisy, here are the twins
Outwardly Hostile and Inwardly Friendly, Startled.
- I'm amazed.
- No, I'm Amazed.
- Well then I'm flabbergasted and astonished.
- No, I'm Flabbergasted and he's Astonished.
- I'm getting confused.
- You don't have to get Confused, he's right here.
- What do you mean the wicked queen isn't home?
We brought her a gizzard she asked for.
- She followed you into the forest
to make certain you did away with Snow Wade.
- (gasps) Snow Wade is in trouble!
- Big trouble.
- Come on.
- Hey, wait for me!
- Well, I am departing.
- No, Departing's right over here.
Oh, he left.
- Poison apple my dear?
- Oh, I'll try anything that's free.
Uh oh, I'm doomed. (shudders)
- No, I'm Doomed.
- (panting) Oh, I hope we're in time!
- We're too late.
- She ate the poison apple.
- (Orson) Yoo-hoo, handsome prince you're on.
- My cue.
I the handsome prince, is here.
One kiss from her true love
shall awaken yon slumbering maiden.
I am not going to kiss that.
I am repulsed.
- No, I am Repulsed.
- Roy, you wanted to be the handsome prince.
The handsome prince kisses the unconscious maiden.
- That's no unconscious maiden.
That's Wade with too much makeup.
I have a reputation to uphold.
- Now there's nobody to wake the sleeping Snow Wade.
- And the wicked queen is still around.
- And we're all out of time for this cartoon.
Orson, what are we gonna do?
- There's only one thing we can do.
To be continued.
- (Booker) Orson, are you sure about this?
- (Orson) I am certain.
- (Certain) No, I am Certain.
(upbeat music)
- What shall I do?
What shall I do?
Should I, nah.
Maybe I should, no I did that.
There's only one way to decide.
I'll leave it up to fate.
(playful music)
Let's see, eat, sleep, watch TV.
Oh boy.
(playful music)
(Odie whines)
It wasn't me this time Odie.
It's was fate.
- Garfield, what did I say I was going to do
the next time I caught you kicking Odie off the table?
- Uh, force feed me pizza until I can't stand it any longer?
- I said I was going to throw you out
for a day without lunch.
- Oh, right.
Actually given the quality
of the lunches around here lately.
- (Man) That cat is just amazing.
- I am being spoken of.
- He sleeps all day and all night, except when he's eating.
And you should see this cat eat.
He's got his owner trained to cook
and wait on him hand and paw.
- Ooh, I'm so proud.
- Oh, and the way he annoys the puppy that lives there.
- This ain't the Arbuckle cat you're talking about?
- Oh no, no, no, no.
This cat is named Gabriel.
He lives over at Elm and Third.
- Gabriel?
(dramatic music)
Looks like an average house.
That must be Gabriel.
He doesn't look like me.
Probably doesn't act at all like me.
- It's time for your 3:25 lasagna Gabriel.
- You're 46 seconds late.
- He's, he's devouring the lasagna.
(Gabriel belches)
That's my devour.
- Next batch more tomato,
and go a little easier on the ricotta okay?
Well, (sighs) should I take a nap or watch TV?
Nah, oh I know what I wanna do.
(Ollie panting)
Ladies and gentlemen, kicking Ollie off the table.
(drum rolls)
(Ollie barks)
- That's my kick!
That's how I kick Odie off the table.
Thief, crook, plagiarist!
- Gabriel what did I say I was going to do
the next time I caught you kicking Ollie off the table?
- Make me watch all my favorite TV shows
until I can't stand it any longer?
- I said I was going to throw you out
for a day without lunch.
- Oh yeah, right yeah.
That's what it was.
(playful music)
Actually given the quality of the lunches here lately.
- You! - Me?
- Yeah you, you stole my act.
You stole my attitude and my appetite,
and how I kick puppies off the table.
- Oh, big fat hairy deal.
- You stole that too!
You live like me, you think like me.
You even eat like me.
How could this be happening?
- (Gabriel) How could it be happening he wondered?
Well anything can happen
in one of Gabriel's Tales of Scary Stuff.
- No, you don't have tales of scary stuff.
I have tales of scary stuff.
Don't you go trying to have tales of scary stuff.
Okay, I'm through pussyfooting around here fella.
Either you knockoff stealing my life,
or I'll sue you for copyright infringement, or something.
- Oh yeah, I'm real worried.
Talk about having a bad hair day.
- And don't talk to the viewers, they're my viewers.
I talk to 'em.
(playful music)
Well are you coming?
I've gotta do something.
This is driving me bananas.
- (Gabriel) Oh yeah, I knew exactly how he felt.
It was affecting me the same way.
- Shut up!
- (Gabriel) All night long he had nightmares,
bad dreams where everything he did
was also being done by the cat Gabriel.
- Stop narrating my life!
Whatever I do he's watching, imitating,
stealing everything I have away from me.
- So what do you do tonight Penelope?
- I don't care, just as long as we do it together.
- He's got my girl!
(upbeat music)
- (Booker) Gabriel and Friends?
- That's right, I'm taking over.
- He's got my show!
- And the newest fad sweeping the nation,
little dolls of Gabriel stuck inside car windows.
- He's got my merchandising!
(yells loudly)
(yells loudly)
What a horrible nightmare.
- What a horrible nightmare.
- I've gotta find him.
- Gotta find him.
- (Garfield and Gabriel) There you are!
(Both) I just had the worst nightmare in my life.
You did?
I just had the worst nightmare in my life.
Stop saying the same things I'm saying.
I'm warning you.
- I have to break this pattern,
do something he would never think of.
- (Garfield and Gabriel) Wait right here,
I'll be back in a second.
- (Garfield) He thinks he knows what I'm going.
- (Gabriel) To do, but I'll show him.
- (Garfield) I'm not as easy to predict.
- (Gabriel) As he thinks I am.
(dramatic music)
- This'll get him.
I'll show him that Garfield the cat isn't,
- (Garfield and Gabriel) Someone who
you can just imitate and ripoff like--
(both yell loudly)
Where'd you get that outfit?
- Garfield you have to believe me.
I never meant to let it get this far.
See, I've always admired you.
- I understand, I've always admired me too.
- I wanted to be so much like you, but now you know,
it's gotten out of control, I've lost my own identity.
Garfield, you have to help me stop being you.
- That won't be easy, but I think there's a way.
Will you do everything I tell ya?
- Everything.
- Then come on, there's not a minute to waste.
- (Gabriel) Well anyway he took me shopping,
then he started planning my meals.
- You're narrating again.
- Sorry, what is all this.
- Health food.
Salads, yogurt, protein drinks, go to it.
(upbeat music)
- (Gabriel) 114, 115, 116.
- Keep it up. (slurps)
Mm, cookies and cream.
- (Gabriel) 119, 120.
- Exactly eight hours of sleep a day, no more.
And you're gonna cut back watching TV
so you can read more books.
For weeks Gabriel trained just as I told him,
and he improved, and by the way,
please notice that I am narrating once again.
- You know Garfield, I haven't done anything
even remotely Garfield like in weeks now.
- It shows.
- How can I thank you Garfield?
- Just be yourself, and if you ever don't wanna be that,
become an Elvis impersonator.
- I'll make a note of that.
- Well, I guess I took care of that problem.
- You sleep all day, eat everything you can.
Garfield, you're one of a kind.
- And I aim to stay that way.
(energetic music)
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