Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e09 Episode Script

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mouse/Payday Mayday/How to Drive a Human Crazy

(Narrator) Ladies and Gentlemen Garfield and Friends.
We're We're
Ready Ready
To To
We're ready to party
We're ready
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in
Come to the place where the fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing Fiesta
Romancing Siesta
Samba La Bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises Disguises
Surprises Surprises
And pies of--
And pies of all sizes
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
(Garfield) Critics agree
all of the TV shows on today
this is probably one of them.
(suspenseful music)
It was the year 1883.
Give or take a Tuesday.
When it all began
in this most innocent of dwellings
in London, England.
Here, the good doctor Henry Jekyll
labored well into every night.
Striving to invent a diet cola with no aftertaste.
I believe this formula
should suffice for my purpose.
(Garfield) He decided to test it
on one of his laboratory mice
before sampling it himself.
Pretty awful thing to do
even to a mouse.
Here small rodent
sample this if you will.
(Mouse) No! No! Not again.
Try this one on the dog.
Try it on the goldfish.
(Garfield) As a diet cola
Dr. Jekyll's new formula rated an F.
But it was not without it's effect.
Dr. Jekyll came to an instant conclusion.
Circumstances recommend
that I relocate my hind most regions
to another locale.
(Garfield) Rough translation.
Good time to get my rear in gear and out of here.
I would yell for help.
But I shouldn't wish to be a bother to anyone.
I shall go and locate an exterminator.
(heavy rock music)
(Garfield) One minute a mouse
the next minute a monster.
You might call it a silly premise for a cartoon
but we call it one of
Garfield's Tales from the Microwave.
Good evening.
I'm going to attempt to tell the story
of Dr. Jekyll in the time it takes
to microwave this TV dinner.
Dr. Jekyll knew he had to get that mouse out of his place.
So he ran down to Oxford Street
where there was an exterminator
named Jonathan Arbuckle.
And so my good man.
You simply must come and rid my flat of that mouse.
Bring mouse poison.
Bring mouse traps.
Oh, I'm afraid I never touch them things, governor.
Then how on Earth?
We here use the natural means of pest elimination.
Allow me to fetch me equipment and show ya.
Let's see.
Encyclopedia salesman.
Huh. Now there's a real pest for ya.
Ah. Here we go.
(Garfield) I beg your pardon.
You're interrupting me
right in the middle of me fish and chips.
Sorry mate.
But the gent here has himself a mouse problem he does.
I thought maybe we'd have a go at it.
(Garfield) Quite.
(Garfield Voiceover) They hurried to the lab.
Pausing only for tea
and those boring little cookies that English people like.
Could you give us a description of the mouse, governor?
I believe so.
Six feet tall.
No, seven.
Weight approximately 300 pounds.
Long steely claws.
Sharp fangs.
I see.
Anything unusual about this mouse?
No. Nothing in particular.
(Garfield) Kind of a big one, wouldn't you say?
Well might as well get on with it.
A job to do and all that.
Awfully brave cat you have there, Arbuckle.
(Garfield) Oh, mouse.
I say are you in here, mouse?
Oh, mouse.
Awfully unsporting of you
hiding from me like this.
MOUSE: Let me go!
Let me go!
(Garfield) I say
don't make me run after you in this humidity.
Be a good chap and just get in the cage.
There's a good fellow.
My, you're a lot smaller than described.
Dr. Jekyll said you were seven foot tall
and 300 pounds.
Well, I must say.
That's a bit more like it.
Sounds like my mouse is giving your cat
a spot more trouble then we'd expected.
A bit perhaps.
Strong little bounder, isn't he?
(Garfield) Let me have another go at him.
Now see here, mouse.
You had your little fun.
Time to go.
Sounds like my little rodent
is considerably more of a problem
than we'd expected.
It looks like there's only one thing we can do.
(Together) Tea time!
(Garfield) I say
you're not being very gentlemanly about this.
You know if he keeps this up
I may just have to get rough.
(Garfield Voiceover) So that was pretty much
how it went for the next two or three hours.
The cat would go in.
He'd catch the mouse.
The mouse would hiccup.
The mouse would mop the place up with the cat.
the cat paused only for a little refreshment
before pressing on.
By now the mouse had figured out
that he pretty much was in control.
(Garfield) Ah, there you are mouse.
I must insist that you stop doing that.
Now that is exactly what I just asked you not to do.
- Sugar? - Please.
A drop.
Sounds like a bit of a ruccus.
A bit.
There he goes.
Blimey. That's the second biggest mouse I've ever seen.
(Garfield Voiceover) So it looked like
their problems with the monster mouse were over.
Their problems with the monster cat
were however just beginning.
You're not impressing anyone, you know?
Not one bit.
(Garfield Voiceover) Enraged.
The monster grabbed them up
and began rampaging about the city.
The alarm went out across London.
Dozens of police descended on the scene.
The monster suddenly.
(microwave dings)
(Garfield) Ah! My dinner's ready.
Hey. I'm sorry.
But that's all the time we have for today here on
Garfield's Tales from the Microwave.
By the way, have you ever noticed
how these dinners always have one thing in them
you don't wanna eat?
(frustrated music)
Jon's had me on this diet forever.
I hate it.
I-- hey--
what's going on?
Garfield, what's wrong?
Something wrong with your feet?
(Garfield) Oh. Those are feet?
And I bet these wiggly things on the ends
are toes, right?
("Garfield and Friends Theme")
(soft country music)
There is not a force on this planet
that could get be to budge from this spot.
Hey. You guys comin'?
It's payday.
(bell ringing)
(Together) Payday?
Hold it!
On our marks. Get set.
Go! Yahoo!
Here you go, Bo.
Like, muchas gracias, Orsenio.
Here's your pay, Roy.
Thanks, Ors.
Here's your pay, Wade.
Oh, a slave to wages
am I.
Here you go, Roy.
Much appreciated, pig-o.
Here's your pay for the week, Booker.
Thanks Orson.
Here's your pay, Roy.
Thank you kindly, Ors.
Oh, hi Sheldon. Here's your--
Bo. Roy.
Wade. Roy.
Booker. Roy again.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
And 20 makes 80 plus 10.
I am so clever
sometimes I amaze myself.
Plus another 20.
I give a ha.
Ho! Ho!
Uh, good joke, huh Ors?
I'm banned from the farm?
I suppose I deserve it.
I'm a rat.
A louse.
A crumb.
A cheat. A snake.
A crook.
I got your salary back, Sheldon.
SHELDON: Did you banish Roy from the farm?
I'll invite him back
when I think he's learned his lesson.
How many centuries do you think that will take?
Well, looks like I picked the right day to hit this place.
Now I need a pigeon.
Oh fret, when I have no money.
I worry about having no money.
But a duck will do just fine.
On the other hand
when I have money
I worry about losing it.
Excuse me, pal.
Could you give me two 10's for a five?
Thanks Jackson.
The name's Wade.
And not only that
but when I have no money
I worry about how I will lose it
if and when I get some.
Furthermore I.
Two 10's for a five.
Five into 10 goes twice.
Carry 11. Divide by nine.
Hey! Wait-o!
Uno momento!
Cease and desist!
And stop doing anything.
Two 10's for a five indeedy.
You take me for the fool I am.
Whoever you are.
Who are you?
Your Fox is the name.
Finagler Fox.
What's wrong?
Ah! What's wrong here?
What's wrong is that you sought to swindle
yours truly.
I never swindled no one.
You don't want to give me change
I don't care.
Here's your five.
Give me back my two 10s
Okay, pal.
See ya around.
Ha ha!
And ha ha a second time!
Try to cheat Wade Duck will he.
Well I showed him.
I got back his five.
And gave him my two 10s.
Would you folks talk to each other for a moment?
I have to go and check on something.
Two 10s for a five. Two 10s for a five.
Two 10s for a five.
Two 10s for a five. Two 10s for a five.
Let's see. Uh-huh.
I have been swindlemarized.
I think of a number between one and 10.
If you guess it, I give you $20 bucks.
If you don't, you give me $20 bucks.
Okay. Right.
Uh. Five!
(laughs) No. Sorry.
That's 20 you owe me.
No. That's 20 more.
Wait. Wait.
Uh. Four?
I bet it's four.
Hey! Wait a minute.
Let's try it with me asking the number
between one and 10 and you guessing!
(chuckles) Very well.
Uh. Seven?
(foghorn blowing)
Like I thought I had him that time.
You! You charlatan!
You crook!
You dishonest type person.
Get out of my way, penguin.
I'll have you know I am a duck.
You're a penguin.
- Duck. - Penguin.
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck.
Hold on.
Let's settle this with a wager.
You say you're a duck.
I say you're a penguin.
Will you give me $20 dollars if I'm wrong?
It's a bet.
I'm wrong.
Oh, Orson!
You wouldn't believe it! We've been swindled!
Alright! Alright!
I'll do something.
It sounds like Finagler Fox is around again.
To deal with someone that tricky
requires a devious brain.
Something real sneaky.
You're right.
I'll go find, Roy.
I'm a quisling.
A traitor.
A dishonest soul.
A rapscallion.
A scofflaw.
A used car salesman.
A treacherous.
Roy, we want you to come back.
But why pray tell?
We figuredit takes a cheat
to cheat a cheat.
It does.
And I think I know just how to do it.
Who! I better scram to another locale.
I got all the money to begotten around this joint.
Sorry it's not for sale.
What's not for sale
and who says I wanted one?
Whatever it is.
It's a zippity chrome fane.
They come in six colors.
Five sizes.
And 19 flavors including banana and potato.
What does it do?
Huh, sir!
Better you should ask what doesn't it do.
It dices, slices, bices, and splices.
It cooks, looks, books, and crooks.
It's plays, prays, sprays, and slays.
No home or tuna carry should be without one.
Yeah but, what does it do?
Come now!
You're not gonna tell me a fox of the world such as yourself
doesn't have a dozen zippity chrome fane in his lair.
Like dig the new zippity chrome fane.
That's better than last year's model
with the life sized elements
and the built-in VCR.
This one.
It has a can opener instead of a harmonica cleaner.
Sorry I can't sell you one, pal.
Hold on. Hold on.
Not so fast, rooster.
Whatever this thing is
I gotta have one.
You gotta sell me one of these whatchamacallit's.
I'm sorry.
This is the last zippity chrome fane in the state.
Are you sure you couldn't let it go?
Say uh for
Well I don't know.
It's a deal.
It is?
It is! (laughs)
And now it's mine.
All mine.
My very own zippity chrome fane.
Like, man, you done it.
Roy got all our salaries back.
That he did.
And I hope now you'll all be a lot more careful.
You know what happens to people who don't know
how to handle money.
They wind up in Washington.
(Sheldon) We have a question, Roy.
We did our lines like you said.
But what's inside a zippity chrome fane anyway?
The same thing that's in that fox' wallet now, guys.
("Garfield and Friends Theme")
(mischievous music)
(Yellow Cat) Won't you keep the line moving please?
Keep the line moving.
We have to get started.
Keep the line moving please.
(crowd murmuring)
(Gray Cat) Kittens. Kittens.
Could we have it quiet please?
We want to get started.
Very good.
I want to thank all of you for being here today.
Now for the benefit of those of you
who didn't receive the mail invitation
let me quickly explain.
When every kitten reaches four weeks of age
we invite them here for orientation lessons
on how to drive human beings out of their minds.
(kittens cheering)
And you are especially fortunate
because today's lecture is being delivered
by our foremost authority
here is
(kittens cheering)
(Garfield) Thank you. Thank you.
Save it for the end.
As a cat it is your job
your honor in fact
to drive human beings crazy.
Today I will teach you three rules.
Pay careful attention.
Roll film.
(upbeat music)
Garfield, wait 'til you see what I just bought you.
It's the super deluxe state of the art
cat scratching treehouse complete with
swing, slide, porch, microwave oven,
fold out bed, massage tables, cd player
and floor to ceiling carpeting.
Now you can claw this to your heart's content.
And leave my furniture alone.
Garfield, stop doing that.
Not my new sofa.
Use your scratching post.
(Garfield) Which brings us to rule number one.
Never claw what they want you to claw.
Most people are unaware that cats have a special deal
with the upholstery industry
to share the profits in furniture repair.
Here's a short scene that will teach you
all about rule number two.
The market had a sale on kitty kitchen brand
cat food and I bought a dozen of every flavor.
Want to try some turkey and giblets dinner deluxe?
(Garfield) Yuck-o.
Savory beef grill?
Double yuck-o.
Well then how about
kidney stew surprise?
(Garfield) The surprise is that anyone thinks
cats will eat that slop.
Tuna tortillas?
(Garfield) No way, Jose.
Sausage patty pot roast?
Veal Oscar in Bearnaise Sauce?
(xylophone chiming)
Garfield, please.
I spent $93 dollars on cat food.
Isn't there something here you'll eat?
(Garfield) Canned cat food $93 dollars.
One filet mignon steak $8 dollars.
How's my filet mignon?
(Garfield) Delicious!
How's the kidney stew surprise?
Rule number two.
If it's on sale we don't eat it.
Now rule number there may take you some time to master
but have patience.
It's important.
I'm going to bed now, Garfield
do you wanna go out?
(Garfield) Not this cat.
Okay. Suit yourself.
Good night.
(Garfield) It's important to wait
for just the right moment
before you ask to go out.
Why yes, Karen.
I'll go with you.
Oh. But.
But I
I insist on paying for dinner.
Wow. What, what, what.
Hold on.
(mischievous music)
It's 3:30 in the morning.
(Garfield) I'm ready to go out.
Here you go.
(Garfield) I've changed my mind.
I don't want to go out.
Oh well.
At least I can get back to bed.
Maybe I can resume that dream about Karen.
(Garfield) Now this next part
requires precision timing.
You have to wait until he's just starting to dream again.
What? What?
What's that?
(Garfield) Okay. I'm ready to go out.
If you time this one properly
you can have him up and down all night.
(Kitten) What happens if
they actually force you to go out?
(Garfield) Good question.
And this next part of the film covers it.
I've changed my mind.
I don't wanna go out.
You're going out this time
so I can get some sleep.
Good night.
Now I'll get some sleep.
I don't even care if I dream about
what's her name or not.
Just so I get some sleep.
(Garfield) Now the timing on this one
is even trickier since you have to do it from outside.
Still with experience
you'll learn to sense just that moment
when the human is drifting into dreamland.
hit it.
(hard rock music)
This is one of my favorites.
If your human's a little slow
you might even have time to take a few requests.
Time to split.
(Burnside) Who's making all that racket?
It's my cat.
(Burnside) Who is that?
It's Jon Arbuckle, Mr. Burnside.
(Burnside) Arbuckle?
Shut up!
Who's gonna make me?
(Burnside) We are.
Mr. Burnside.
And everyone else in the neighborhood.
It was my cat. Not me.
It was my cat.
(Garfield) Which brings us to rule number three.
We sleep whenever we want to.
They sleep whenever we want to.
This concludes our briefing for today.
We'll all meet here again next week.
When we'll explain about tormenting small dogs.
Thank you.
(Gray Cat) Great job, Garf.
(Garfield) Thanks.
It's a favorite topic.
(upbeat music)
So then your cat woke up you last night too?
I don't know what to do about him.
He won't eat any food that's on sale.
Your's too?
I thought my cat was the only one like that.
You know it's like someone's givin' all these cats
lessons on how to drive us bananas or something.
(Man) That's a silly thought.
(Garfield) Yeah.
Real silly.
("Garfield and Friends Theme")
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