Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e10 Episode Script

Date of Disaster/A Little Time Off/The Longest Doze

(Narrator) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends! (drumroll)
We're We're ♪
Ready Ready ♪
To To ♪
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
La bamba
Ay Caramaba
And pies of
And pies of all sizes
Come on in, come to the place where the fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
Critics agree, of all the TV shows on today,
this is probably one of them.
(theme music)
(saccharine soap opera style music)
Oh Morton, you're so wonderful.
I love you Monica.
How long will you love me?
I will love you until the end of time,
I will love you until the oceans are dry
and the mountains are level.
I will love you until the stars
no longer shine in the heavens.
But most of all, I will love you
until your father finds out about us.
Goodbye Monica, it's been nice knowing you,
let's never do it again, bye!
I warned you about staying away from my daughter!
Daddy, I'm a big girl now, I'm old enough to date!
Yeah, but not a jerk like that.
My baby deserves only the best.
Only the best, but in daddy's eyes,
no man is good enough for me.
I oughta go out with a real jerk sometime.
That would teach daddy a lesson.
Hey that's a good idea, but where would I meet a real jerk?
Slow down, Odie.
Easy boy, easy boy, stop!
Oh, good boy.
Oh, daddy's really gonna like him.
Garfield, I've got a date!
With a human? Her name is Monica.
She just came up to me in the park
and we really hit it off.
I'm meeting her for dinner in an hour.
I have to go get ready.
Is this true, pupster?
Jon got a date?
Uh huh.
A date? For Jon?
(Narrator) We interrupt this cartoon show
for a brief documentary on the dating history
of Jon Arbuckle.
Here is Garfield Cat.
Thank you, those of you with weaker stomachs
may wish to leave the room, it gets pretty gruesome.
Over the years, a staggering number of women
have gone out with Jon Arbuckle at eight p.m.
and been home in plenty of time for the nine o'clock news.
The world record for the longest date with Jon Arbuckle
is held by this woman, Cynthia Underburger.
Roll that film!
Cynthia tolerated Jon buttering his arm
instead of the biscuit, she excused his attempt
to order dinner in French, causing the waiter
to serve them two soft boiled athletic shoes.
She even forgave him for forgetting his wallet,
forcing them to have to wash dishes to pay the check.
Uh, you have to wash 747 dishes to pay for your meal.
(plate breaking)
As I said, you will have to wash 748 dishes.
(plate breaking)
And my car.
(many plates breaking)
And every car in the lot.
That was on a Friday night.
Saturday morning, Cynthia joined the marines,
sailed to Greenland and hasn't been seen since.
The shortest date in history with Jon,
was achieved last August 9th, by this woman, Sylvia Finster.
Here is actual film footage of that date.
(car horn) (wacky music)
JON: Well, Sylvia, let me tell you a little about myself.
One, two-
JON: Goodnight, Sylvia, thank you for a lovely evening!
The kid tried everything.
Last month he signed up for a computer dating service.
I'll get it, it must be my computer date.
Hello, Jon Arbuckle.
What is wrong, am I wearing too much eyeliner?
Most women however, choose to save time
by avoiding going out with Jon Arbuckle altogether.
Here's how one clever lady handled it.
(Phone) This is Cheryl and you've
reached my answering machine.
I'm not in, so please leave a message
at the sound of the beep and I'll call you back.
Oh, by the way, if this is Jon Arbuckle,
the answer is no. (beeps)
That woman had never even met Jon,
but she figured why take chances?
In summary, Jon Arbuckle is a walking, dating disaster.
(Narrator) Jon Arbuckle: A Man and his Lack of Women
has been a public service of your United Safety Council.
Oh, we now return you to our regularly scheduled cartoon,
already in progress.
I dream of Monica with the sort of blonde hair ♪
Jim, I hope I didn't keep you waiting.
No, not at all, and it's Jon, shall we?
- That's her? - Mm hm.
She's, she's beautiful.
And she looks almost normal.
Why would a woman like that have
the slightest interest in our boy Arbuckle?
That's right, she's eating at that French place,
L'Estomac with that jerk named Arbuckle.
You'll be right down to break him in two?
Just thought you'd like to know.
Odie, someone's coming down to break Jon in two,
and just my luck, we'll get the part that doesn't cook.
Come on! (barks)
Have you decided what you would li- Oh.
I remember you.
Athletic shoes for two.
Oh wait, no, I want, we- we want-
Monica, you looking for someone?
No, no one, I'm just here with you Joe.
Jim, I mean Jon.
(swashbuckling music)
This is for Jon's own good.
I'll just have something light.
How about you in a light cream sauce?
Garfield, why did you dump fettuccine on my date?
Because I didn't have linguine.
Jeff! Ick!
Garfield! Time to go!
(chase music)
Arbuckle, right behind!
Looks like dad finally showed up.
So, how'd it go Monica?
Boy, the way the guy ran out of here. (laughs)
Your dad must have really gone bananas.
Morton, what are you doing here?
Wasn't your father here yet?
I warned you.
Oh no, no, no, no hitting.
Sounds like we timed this right, pupper.
Daddy, that isn't my date!
This guy was my date!
Sorry I interfered with you two dating.
You go right on ahead pumpkin,
just so long as you stay away from guys like this.
Garfield, what just happened?
Oh, let's just say you got away with your record intact.
And your kneecaps too.
I am honored to address this assembly
of the United Nations and the millions of you
watching on live television.
My name is Jon Arbuckle, and I can't get a date
to save my life, also I would like to mention
that I have forgotten to wear pants.
(audience laughs)
Garfield, I just had a terrible nightmare.
Not the one about the rubber pizzas again?
(theme music)
(cartoony rock music)
Outta my way, egg!
Boy, what got into her?
One side, duck! Any side in particular?
Get outta my way! (screams)
What's wrong ducko?
Lanolin is having a bad day and I think it's catching.
Like, hi sis, nice weather isn't it?
Shut up!
All right, all right, hold it!
Now we all seem to have the same problem with Lanolin.
And it's all Bo's fault!
My fault, man? Why is it my fault?
Because if you had been an only child,
this wouldn't be happening.
When people are nasty, there's a reason.
Usually they feel unloved, or unappreciated.
You are not actively serious?
On the other hand, she does do
an awful lot of work around here.
You're right! She needs a vacation.
But she can't afford the time,
or the cash, for a vacation.
Maybe not, but she could afford an imaginary vacation.
A great idea, Orson!
I'll take Lanolin for a pretend voyage to the stars!
Hey, who else wants to go?
Not I, even pretend, nothing is gonna get me
off the good ole Earth here, nosiree sir.
In that case, you can stand guard
and watch for the weasel.
In that case
off we goes into the wild blue yonder ♪
Off we goes into the sky
Off we goes into the something something I dunno ♪
But I don't wanna go for a trip to Mars.
Aw, you never know how to have fun, sis.
I have to watch for the weasel.
Plus, I have tons of laundry to do!
Maybe this would be a good time
to snitch me some chickens.
And don't look at my costume so strangely.
Didn't you ever go trick or treating dressed as a rock?
Hop in Lanolin, we're heading for the stars!
But what about watching for the weasel?
Hey, like Roy and Sheldon are on weasel duty, sis.
Chill out!
All right everybody, just use your imagination.
I don't have an imagination.
Oh, everyone has an imagination.
We're in a spaceship wearing our astronaut gear,
flying through space!
Oh me?
I'm seeing us flying towards new worlds that will hopefully
be better than our old one, you know?
I'm watching meteors go past us,
deflected by our force field, zoom, zoom!
Uh, I'm seeing like the whole universe
unfolding before us, man.
It's like an awesome glimpse of how much there is out there,
how much we'll never know.
I'm sitting on an old orange crate
in the middle of the farmyard with four jerks.
- Sis! - Well, I am!
Besides, who wants to go to outer space anyway?
It's a dumb idea!
- It's not dumb! - Easy, Booker, all right.
Lanolin doesn't want to go into the future.
Let's try the past.
Follow me.
Okay, it's the year one zillion B.C.
and I'm a cave dweller.
Now I am walking in search of my midday meal.
- Wade? - Uh, yes, yes.
I am following closely behind my fellow cave person Orson,
for I fear that there are dinosaurs
and big green scaly monsters about.
Wade, every history book says that dinosaurs
were long extinct and gone before people walked the earth.
Oh, well in that case I am fearing
that there are dinosaurs who have not read those books
so they do not know they
are not supposed to be here, you know.
I'm watching these primitive beings fashion
the first tools out of sticks and rocks.
I'm like seeing you know, how they use those tools
to start building civilization, man.
I'm standing in the farmyard junk heap
with the same four jerks.
Hm, she seems to be unclear on the concept.
Lanolin, why won't you just play along?
Because pretending's a waste of time, pig!
I have laundry to do, and a weasel to watch for!
Like, give it up dude.
No! I don't know how to give up!
I give lessons.
Any sign of weasels?
Nope, only a big rock with feet coming this way.
That's nice.
Big rock with feet!
(menacing music)
Lanolin, why don't-
Don't Lanolin me, pig!
This make believe stuff is dumb.
Why do you want me in it anyway?
Because it was the only way we could think
of giving you a vacation.
We like you Lanolin,
and we were afraid you'd been working too hard.
You like me?
Yes, and I must say with the way
you've been treating everyone lately, it isn't easy.
Go do your laundry.
I'm sorry we interrupted your spin cycle.
He's taking all the chickens!
What made you think of the rock disguise, weasel?
I always wanted to be a little boulder.
(fake laugh)
All right, after we get rid of this weasel,
we're going after the guy who writes the show.
See you around fellas, ta ta.
Oh, it's no use, he tied us too tight.
Any luck with Lanolin?
We're gonna continue our trip through time without her.
We're going to the wild west, partners.
I'll be Sheriff Orson.
Neato! I'll be Deputy Booker.
I shall be waiting for you guys in a safer time period.
Wade- All right, all right!
I'll be Wade Earp the fearless, keeper of the peace.
Help, robbery, help!
Hey, sounds like someone's robbing the bank, Sheriff.
Let's go! Must we?
Look up ahead! There's the bank robber!
It's like the weasel, man!
Oh woe, oh dread, oh tremble.
The weasel's getting away with the chickens.
No he isn't, look!
(cavalry music)
Giddyup, Lightning!
I'm gonna hog tie an ornery thief!
I gotcha now, hey you're done for varmint!
Wow, my sis has like turned into Annie Oakley.
When did she learn to play make believe like that?
BOOKER: Way to go Lanolin!
Lanolin! Where'd you learn
how to ride and rope like that?
Back in the wold west.
When were you ever in the wild west?
Oh in my imagination.
Maybe you sidewinders can join me sometime, yeehaw!
(theme music)
(TV) And now, back with more
of the Gazorninplat Book of World Records.
Here is Fred Gazorninplat.
(audience applauds)
Hm, I happen to know he changed his name
when he got into television.
Mm-hm, it used to be Sam Gazorninplat.
Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
And now, let's answer more of your questions
about world records, Johnny?
(Johnny) A viewer from East Ptomaine, Illinois,
writes to ask "who is the world's fattest man"?
That's an easy one, that would be
mister Charles "Chuck" Obesity,
of both Minneapolis and Saint Paul, Minnesota.
Mister Obesity weighs in at 902 pounds
and he was recently honored with his very own timezone.
Chuck recently dropped 11 pounds.
Boy, he looks so much better since he lost that weight.
(Johnny) Fred, a viewer from Walla Walla, Washington
wants to know the size of the world's largest earthquake.
No problem, that would be a 9.3,
which happened to occur last week in Minnesota,
when Charles "Chuck" Obesity,
took up aerobics for 19 seconds.
Oh right, I felt that.
(Johnny) A gentleman in Scottsdale, Arizona writes
to ask about the longest nap in recorded history.
Good question, the longest nap, certainly.
The longest nap was taken
by Rip Van Krellman of Waco, Texas.
19 hours and 10 minutes.
19 hours and 10 minutes?
They call that a nap?
I can nap longer than that with one paw tied behind my back.
And remember folks, if you can break any world record
you see on our show, we'll pay you $1000.
I can nap longer than that with one eye open.
I can- did you say $1000?
That's right, I said $1000?
Thank you, tv sets always
answer your questions in cartoons.
Do you know how much lasagna you could buy for a $1000?
More than a week's worth!
I'm gonna do it, tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm gonna set the record
for the world's longest nap.
I'm going to bed.
If I'm gonna nap all day tomorrow,
I'm gonna need a good night's sleep first.
Garfield? Oh, Garfield?
Do not disturb, attempt in progress
to set world record for longest nap in history.
Garfield, this is the dumbest idea you've ever had.
What is the point of taking
the world's longest nap, may I ask?
Gazorninplat Book of World Records.
World's longest nap, beat our old record
of 19 hours, 10 minutes.
$1000 reward?
What do you have to say now?
Rock a bye kitty cat in the treetops ♪
When the wind blows the cradle will rock ♪
Mr. Arbuckle?
Hi, I'm Fred Gazorninplat,
from the Gazorninplat Book of World Records, and-
Thanks for coming so quickly!
I called you so you could document the world's longest nap
and pay us the thousand dollars.
Someone is going to beat Rip Van Krellman's record?
My cat could out-nap him in his sleep.
Well, you know what I mean.
This is my cat, Garfield and this is going to be
the easiest thousand dollars I ever made.
Ahem, who's going to be doing all the work?
Very well, let's see this!
All set with the stopwatch Odie?
On my mark, get me set, sleep!
I can't sleep!
I can't sleep in this position either.
Or this position.
Or this one, or this one.
Excuse me, this nap isn't off to a very good start.
Well, give us a second.
Stop the stopwatch, Odie.
Garfield, what's wrong?
Why aren't you asleep?
Nothing's working, I'm wide awake.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to resort to "The Treatment".
Ooo, want me to set up the equipment?
Yes, and let me caution those of you watching at home
that the following method of sleep inducement
is very dangerous and should ordinarily not be employed,
except under the supervision
of a licensed physician or cartoonist.
And here I am in Miami, that's me standing by the pool.
Oh, and that's me falling into the pool.
And here I am wishing there was water in the pool.
Oh boy, Odie's out like a light
and we're only on the fifth slide.
The government's gonna put a warning
on Jon Arbuckle's slide shows.
Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after viewing.
And here's the lifeguard diving into rescue me.
And here's the lifeguard wishing
there was water in the pool.
He's still asleep, how long has it been?
19 hours and two minutes.
Wow, if he sleeps for nine more minutes,
I win the thousand dollars.
You sure do, and it looks
like Rip Van Krellman's record may-
Oh no, they're working on the street.
I have to stop that sound before it wakes Garfield up.
Excuse me, excuse me, I wonder if you could hold it down?
My cat is trying to nap.
No please, you have to-
Oh no!
Excuse me! I was wondering
if you could turn off that siren?
My cat has to sleep nine more minutes.
(crashing boom)
Oh no!
Hello up there!
Can you knock that building down a little softer please?
My cat is trying to sleep!
I said could you knock the building down quietly?
(parade music)
Oh no!
Could you play a little quietly?
I'm sorry, could you hold it down sir?
It's no use, one of those noises
must have woken Garfield up.
No, no, no, your cat is still asleep, Mr. Arbuckle.
He breaks the record in 20 seconds.
In 20 seconds?
Boy, what I'm gonna do with that thousand dollars!
12 seconds, 11, 10
Did someone just open a microwave meal
of Mama Manicotti's Lasagna Marinara?
I'm sorry, he was 10 seconds short of the record!
You've just cost me a thousand dollars, mister!
Krellman, Rip Van Krellman.
And I'm still the holder of the world's record
for the world's longest nap.
Think I'll go home and catch a little shuteye.
Hey, some things are worth waking up for.
(theme music)
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