Ghosts (2019) s05e00 Episode Script

Comic Relief Special

Does this outfit say I'm a professional businesswoman,
but with a good working knowledge
of the contemporary music scene ?
I suppose is gonna love it !
A music festival ? On these hallowed grounds ?
Honestly ! I'd be turning in my grave,
if I were in my grave. Which, technically, I
suppose I am. It's all very confusing.
I think it's exciting.
Yeah, the chance to see all the big pop acts.
I think music might have change a bit
since your days, Pat.
Yeah, I suppose so.
The last time I saw the album charts,
it was all U2, Elton John and Abba
where are they now ?
They're here !
Okay. Now remember, this meeting is for
People, not ghosts.
That's right. Let's get them.
Hi. Tesla Slidewell Promotions.
We spoke on the phone.
Yeah, one of our headline acts
is quite keen to see the place, so I
thought no time like the present.
Oh, my God !
Sorry about I'm Alison.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
So I'm a huge fan ! You're my absolute favourite !
What ???
Thank you ! Nice to meet you.
And I'm I'm Mike Mike.
Do come in.
Or not whatever
Hot dogs.
Oh, my goodness, it's Kylie. it's actual Kylie Minogue.
The poet ?
No, the pop star. She's huge.
She's really not.
She's as beautiful as her verses.
Yeah, she's rather fabulous.
I find myself strangely drawn to her energy.
That's uh
What are you thinking ?
It looked pretty good, I mean I think we
just need to spend a bit more time
looking at the space and
What's wrong with her voice ?
Pot kettle black !!!
I believe she's Australian.
What that means ?
She's from Australia.
What that means ?
That we should probably
hide the silverware.
I'm sorry, who is she ?
Come on, Pat.
Surely you've watched Neighbors.
That was your era.
Hang on ! You're telling me that she
was on TV while I was still alive ?
Huh ! Playing what ? A fetus ?!??
Yeah, Kylie wouldn't look like that now.
It's an imposter. Yeah, this whole festival
it's a sort of scam, they're con artists.
We'd really like to see the grounds.
Oh, great, yeah, great idea.
I think we should go this way.
Is there a bathroom I could use ?
Oh, God !
Just just point the way, and I'll
I'll catch you up.
Uh, it's just just through there, right and then left.
Everyone, shut up !
right now
You you can see us !
Yes ! And I can hear you sadly !
But how ?
You know the roller skating montage in
"Spinning Round" video ?
Is that a sentence ?
I had a fall, banged my head,
and now I can see ghosts !
I know that sounds hard to believe
No not at all
Well, good ! Now that's out in the open,
let's clear a few things up !
Caveman, Australia is a large island nation
in the southern hemisphere.
Huh what's that mean ?
About which, your attitude
is tired and outdated.
Well, I'm 168.
Army man.
Yes, please.
I see
I'm very much here for your people.
The forces, yeah.
Bushranger, when did you ?
Ah. Right, the "Neighbors" started in '85.
Oh, is there anything I didn't miss ?
Whilst I'm very flattered by the attention, I
I can't marry you, I love Alison.
Right, well that one sorted itself out.
Anything else ?
Oh, she suckered you all in, hasn't she, eh ?
What ? No.
Well, as the former owner of four Kylie
calendars, I'm telling you
this is nothing more than a scheming
I am Kylie Minogue !
Oh, yeah ? Prove it !
and he's got a whole bunch
of portaloos just there
So, whilst I might not be an international
superstar, yet , you should
still prefer me to Kylie Minogue for the
following 34 reasons. Number one
Mike, um, I've just found one of those things
with me.
So I'm just gonna pop it back in the
house with the other things.
Number two
Yes and I wanted to say this for a while
Yeah I don't I don't really get it why
Can you, please, just just say it !
You're Kylie Minogue.
Thank you !
Yeah, like that's really Jason Donovan !
You gotta be kidding me !
You must be the most bloody minded group of
people I've ever
Just checking the Acoustics
I just practically
You see them too ?
You see them too ?
Yes !
Yes !
This is amazing ! I never met anyone
who can see them !
Me neither ! I can't believe Kylie Minogue
can see ghosts !
That is not Kylie Minogue !
What ???
Um, to be honest I don't know how big
an acre is !
Oh, thank God, me neither. I'll
just gonna grab some pics of the house.
Yeah, sure.
Excellent !
Yes, very nice.
Okay, it's Kylie
Yeah, thank you !
Kylie can see ghosts !
Seriously ???
Is it everyone but me ???
That's not the original version.
We like to mix it up.
Oh, no, not again. I'm so tired watching her
talk to dead people I can't see are here !
Yes ! Literally mid-center !
We need to hang out !
So, shall I book it ?
No. Let's go with that castle
we saw Friday.
Didn't that place have the ghost
of an ax wealding executioner ?
Yeah, but at least there was only
one of them !
Bye-bye !
Don't be a stranger !
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