Girlfriends Guide To Divorce (2014) s05e05 Episode Script

Rule #303: Burn That Shit to the Ground

1 Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce" Why'd you ditch us? You were having a good time, Jo.
You and your ex-husband and your kids.
Don't go there.
I booked us a room at the San Sebastian ranch.
My God, what was that? Get out of here, just go.
Has anyone heard of The Fury? Isn't she that badass marathon runner? - How do you make a living? - I live cheaply and I save.
I take quick jobs, train for the next race and then start back over again.
[crowd yelling] - This is my brother.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Guess who's allergic to sperm? - What does that all mean? If I want to have a baby and carry it myself, my best option is IVF.
And you need Phoebe to stab you? By midnight or my ovaries turn into a pumpkin.
Stay away from Tony.
How long are you going to keep lying to Phoebe? I'm not the only one that's lying to her.
- I know.
- Delia? Is that what this is about? She tell you about us too? What are you talking about? Come on, Simone, you know that affection is the foundation of every family unit.
A bit loose with the word "family" there, Abby.
- She'll warm up to you.
- Simone's a bit of a challenge.
But I'm not giving up.
I'm going to make that girl like me.
I talked to Collette.
She's leaving.
We get the kids full-time.
- [shouting, shattering] - We got this.
And that is why we are proud to present to you drumbeat Lady Parts Not-Lipstick Lipstick.
So lipstick? No, Not-Lipstick.
Okay, hear me out.
So, look at this.
Parker worked really hard on that.
You know, we have to wake the kids up.
We have to drop them off, maybe go to the gym, the office, and we don't have time to put makeup on.
But we do want to look our best.
So what we need is something that enhances - our natural lip color.
- Okay, Abby, stop.
- Can I be blunt? - Yes.
The market is flooded with "invisible" lipstick brands right now.
But our brand is about Authenticity.
I hear that.
But we like Lady Parts because you're bold and edgy.
So kick it up a notch.
Find a product line that the Donovay executives won't see coming, and then hit 'em with vision.
Something you want to say.
Pitch is in three days, and my partner is still out of town, and I just feel like I need more time.
I've got so many things happening on so many fronts in my life.
- I hear that.
- Okay.
- I can give you four days.
- Oona, that was really mean.
That was like a whole build-up to more, you know, whatever.
Donovay's really excited.
You need to capitalize on that heat, right? - Yes, on that heat.
Capitalize on it.
- [inhales] Um yes.
Well, um, thank you.
I will I will come up with something great.
- Where are you - I actually have to go.
I want to get to work on this.
But, um, thank you, and I am very, very excited.
- Great, okay.
- Nice meeting, okay.
[upbeat music] Ms.
Banai? Ms.
Sorry, yeah, where were we? You were speaking, and then you stopped speaking.
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you need a minute? No, I'm fine.
The custody arrangement that your client is asking for It's unacceptable.
My client has been the primary caregiver for 11 years.
So that gives you the right to question my client's fitness? Carol Barbee is - Claudia.
- Claudia, Claudia.
- [beeps] - My client Claudia.
I'm so sorry, I am Thought I'd turned this off.
- Ms.
Banai? - Mm-hmm? Do you need to take a break? You know what? Let's pick this up another time.
We're done here.
We got 'em on the ropes.
Trust me.
[cell phone buzzes] - [sighs] - [murmurs] Anger doesn't suit you.
Wow, um, I'm Surprised? Yeah, you look it.
I stopped by your gallery, but they told me you were working here, so.
Yeah, I sometimes like to work outside.
People noise helps.
I cannot believe you were standing after that race.
Do you want to sit down and join me? Well, you should've seen me about two days ago.
I couldn't get out of bed.
- Audible moaning.
- You don't strike me as a moaner.
That sounds weird.
[laughs] - Oh, I'm a big moaner.
- [laughs] Well, anyway, race is over.
It's time for fun.
I leave for Peru in a couple of weeks to start altitude training.
So I've got to cut loose while I still can.
Altitude training in Peru? You're insane.
You want to go out? Grab a drink.
Um, I you know, actually I have I have a lot going on in my life with work and personally.
Lots of other stuff happening.
You've got to stop the excuses.
It's beneath you.
Here's my number.
Call me if you free up.
Very, very, very early Picasso.
Ah, that's very generous of you.
Looks like something out of a Tim Burton movie.
Okay, what's next, baldy? After we throw this garbage into the campfire.
Ah, beach walk? Or, wait for it We can go bird watching.
Bird watching? Well, it sounded nuts to me too, but the Activities girl, Sunrise, she said it's an experience.
Guided tour, you walk through the forest to a secluded beach.
Brown pelicans are in season.
Brown pelicans? They make them in brown? [laughs] Oh, I'm thinking flamingos.
Why not? Sunrise hasn't steered us wrong yet.
Hmm? Oh, well, maybe you can just take a picture of the flowers with your camera.
I think you're jealous.
Greek! Yay! Greek! We're having Greek! Wow, a lot of energy.
[laughs] Look at you, sweaty guy.
Yeah, that's how you like me.
- It is.
- Okay.
- Do I really need to say it? - [laughs] Yo, Coach, you tell Mom about the bugs? - What bugs? - Lice, they're called lice.
Lice, say what? Two-Eight, what did I say about managing the flow of information? A few kids have it, no big.
Parents need to take precautions.
We got this.
That is so disgusting - Simone.
- I think I'm gonna puke.
We're not allowed to panic.
Your dad is right.
We got this.
You know what, I just need to do like two minutes of work.
Can you boys, you guys need to change and wash up with soap and water! - Let's go, boys.
- Come on, Asher, let's go.
So, how did your practice pitch go? Well, I have to come up with something completely different.
But, other than that, great.
Damn, can I help? No, I'm just gonna gather all the girlfriends for a brainstorm.
You know, it's lady stuff.
But thank you.
You could - Finish dinner? - Yeah.
- I can do that.
- Yes, you can.
- Okay, the lice.
- Yes.
- I have thoughts.
- Okay.
The sheets we need to burn that shit down to the ground.
All right, I'll do a load.
Abby, Simone, Abby has work to do.
- Thank you, Mike.
- Mom? Uh, yeah? I just got off the wait-list at Emerson.
Oh my God, Emerson! Proud of you, Lil.
- [laughs] - My God! My baby's in two colleges.
So are you going to tell 'em yes? I don't know.
I have a couple weeks to decide.
Well, you should take that time.
No, no, no.
You should stick with Pepperdine.
I heard they have a mad awesome Greek system.
And have you seen the online admissions video? So much energy! You have to see it.
Campus life seems sick.
My friend Elisa's brother goes there Hey, proud mama.
I am so proud.
It's like a pride explosion happening.
I can see that.
Should we celebrate? Maybe tomorrow night? We can all You know, actually I was thinking it might be nice just to go out with Lilly, maybe bring Charlie and just our family.
Your family? I mean not Family is the wrong - No, no, of course.
- I our unit my little unit.
- I get that, I promise.
- Thank you.
Well, I should finish dinner.
Yeah, and I should redo my pitch before I blow my brains out.
Hey! You got the Abby bat signal too, huh? Yep.
[sighs] Phoebe.
Tony told me that he told you about us, and I I apologize.
For which part? About lying? Or about doing exactly what I asked you not to do? I was reeling, okay? The embryo news, and self-destructive behavior is my jam.
It's what I do.
So what is this? A thing, you and Tony? No.
No, no, no.
It's that was it, really.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey! Thank you for coming.
I so, so appreciate it.
- Hi.
- Hi! Oh, special guest star.
How you doing, ladies? Straight from Santa Barbara.
All right, look at her.
She looks so glowy.
Oh, yes, vacation sex wall to wall when we're not by the pool or the beach or bird watching.
- Bird watching? - Huh? Oh yes, it's a thing here.
Anyway, Abby, your pitch pronto, SOS, let's go.
Albert will be here any minute.
Okay, I'm just gonna jump in.
- Um, I talked to Babs.
- Babs? How is she? And, more importantly, when is she coming back? Soon, and you know she's off doing some local TV interviews, which is great for the site.
Okay, our new direction.
Babs and I felt that it was freshest for us to sort of lean into the Lady Parts name.
- Oh! - Right? But we do have to get the people at Donovay interested.
So, whatever I pitch has to be sexy in a way.
But not sexual? Yeah, tough needle to thread, there Abs.
- Yes, marketable, sellable.
- Okay.
Sexy in a sellable way.
What about self-grooming for down there? It's kind of a thin market, you know what I'm saying.
Ooh, interesting.
I mean, there's a million shampoos for your head but nothing to lather up with.
Grooming, clippers.
I practically had to use wire clippers once.
It was like defusing a bomb.
- Like Keanu Reeves in "Speed.
" - Yeah.
- The red wire, the blue wire.
Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God, that's the thickest pubic hair in the world.
- But it's the bomb, girl.
- [laughter] - Okay, yes.
Grooming, I like it.
Something affirming.
Okay, well, let's shake it up.
Let's think of another area.
- Jade eggs.
- Jade eggs? Is that like Ben Wa balls? - Yeah.
- For her pleasure.
- I love it.
- Masturbation is on the table.
I have so many ideas suddenly.
- I'm sure of that.
- Sure you do.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
Can I get you ladies anything? Some tea, please.
I will get a latte.
And do you happen to have any jade eggs? I'm just kidding.
I already have one.
I'm wearing one right now.
I'll take a coffee, please.
Decaf! Decaf? D, what's going on? You're the one that says that decaf is only for sociopaths and Mormons.
- [laughs] - You've never ordered decaf.
What are you, pregnant? - Are you? - Oh my God, that look.
There's a look? I can't see anything.
Narrate, someone.
Okay, I haven't been to the doctor yet.
So, code of silence, but, yes, I'm pregnant.
[both scream] - Oh my God! - Mazel! You hadn't said anything for weeks after the IVF.
I was afraid to ask.
I know, I thought there was something wrong.
This is amazing.
Yes, this is amazing that you're pregnant.
- It is.
It's exciting.
- Yeah.
God, I have to go to work.
Custody battle, mediation.
It's just very nasty.
Okay, I'm gonna mwah Email you about the vagina.
My brain just whirring, whirring.
Whir! Okay.
Bye! I can't see from the screen, but that was abrupt, no? And we even got a tomato flat-bread in your honor.
Flat-bread at Aria? I'm gonna weep.
And, Lilly, congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
If you want to talk to Natalie about Emerson, she can give you the full lowdown.
Natalie went to Emerson? Yeah, she was the one who suggested I apply.
Abby, don't what are you I didn't say anything.
No, okay.
I love you guys.
I'll see you at graduation.
Okay, all right, bye.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye-bye.
- Love you, bring me something.
- Okay, bye.
Natalie went to Emerson.
You're ridiculous.
That might be so, but [laughs] You're gonna miss me when you're gone, so just soak up all my crazy right now.
What's happening, Lil? Oh, I'm fine.
I just realized this is the first time we've been out together in months.
- No, that's not true.
- She's right.
We always do stuff with those guys now.
Well, let's extend this evening a little bit.
Excuse me, magical handshake.
Thank you.
- Incoming transmission.
- Feeling it.
Transmitting information to Mom.
This is what I am getting.
Second round of dessert at that place on Washington.
- Brownies and ice cream.
- Yes, correct.
Received, message received.
All: Yes! [laughter] Delia? - Hey! Delia! - Huh? [sighs] Oh.
You really are pregnant, aren't you? It's Tony's, isn't it? - Oh, Phoebe, I am so, so sorry.
- You know what, stop apologizing.
[sighs] So what now? What? What's the plan? - A plan? - Are you keeping the baby? Oh my God, are you serious? Are you really asking me this? You got knocked up by my brother, Delia.
- This is between me and him.
- No, it's not.
He is my family.
He's my brother.
Phoebe, he's a grown man.
He's not some injured bird.
So, I need to know what you're deciding so I can prepare him.
I'm keeping it.
- Do you disapprove? - No.
Nope, it is your decision.
So, what, you and my brother are just gonna raise a baby together? I don't know.
Phoebe, but you come in here to my office and you're chiding me and you're interrogating me.
I'm sorry, but this is a lot to take in, Delia.
And you can pretend all you want that this doesn't affect me but it does affect me.
This is my baby.
This is my body.
I'm going to deal with Tony.
I will deal with it myself.
I will decide.
This is my situation.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, yeah, yeah, right there.
How you doing over there? Oh, this is so relaxing.
I love getting touched by a stranger.
It's like the subway train in Manhattan.
Oh, yeah, oh, that's good.
- Oh, that's - Ow! What, are you a former torturer for the KGB? - Okay, okay, easy, easy.
- I'm good, I'm good.
I think thank you.
I think we're done.
I think we'll wrap it up early.
Thanks so much.
I hate massages.
Sue me.
Sorry, it was just an idea.
You could've said no.
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
My feelings.
Seriously? - Jesus.
- Come on, Al.
You've been all about the romance train since we got here.
The endless beach walks.
I feel like I'm in a tampon commercial.
The basket weaving.
Since when do you like bird watching? I don't.
I hate birds.
That brown pelican took a dump on my foot.
It was revolting.
- [laughs] - I'm exhausted, okay? Trying to keep the romance up, it's exhausting.
What's going on? What gives? Well, whenever Sherry and I ran into a speed bump, this is what I'd do.
Wine and dine, romance up the wazoo.
It worked on her.
Speed bumps.
What are you talking about? Jo, come on.
Ever since Frumpkis moved back - Oh.
- I feel like I'm losing.
- And I don't do losing.
- It's not a competition! You're not losing.
I'm here.
I love you.
- I'm having a great time.
- Don't lie.
Oh, are you kidding me? This place is ridic.
Let's just cool it with the activities and enjoy each other's company.
Wow! What a concept.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Mm-hmm, only there is a wine-tasting - Oh! - Event in the lounge later.
It sounded fun, but if you want to we can bag it and we can go see a movie.
Screw the movie.
We're in beautiful wine country.
Wine tasting sounds perfect.
I got your wine tasting.
[snickers] Morning.
So have you talked to Delia yet? No.
Not today.
What about you guys? You two connect, make nice? Tony, we need to talk.
No, you know what? I already know what you're going to say.
You don't have to say it.
[sighs] You've been great to me, and I repay you by lying to you? It was shitty, and I'm sorry.
But I got my job back.
- Wow.
- I had to grovel.
- Oh.
- But my boss forgave me.
Gave me a second chance, so That's great, Tony.
- I know.
- [laughs] - I'm trying.
- I know you are.
- Like that.
It's huge.
- See that? Effort.
Hey, if you do make nice with Delia, will you tell her about the job thing? Yeah, sure.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, Tess, it's Phoebe.
Yeah, I know.
Me too.
Um, well, it turns out I am up for that drink.
[Abby chuckles] Hey, so I didn't get a chance to tell you last night, but there's an opening in the scouting and team-building department, and I'm being considered for it.
That's amazing.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
So does that involve a lot of travel? Yeah, some travel.
But I would work mostly out of the L.
I wouldn't consider it otherwise.
I was just asking.
I really was.
Not a loaded question at all.
That should be our relationship safe word.
Not a loaded question.
[laughs] That would be N-A-L-Q.
Micromanaging the safe word.
[laughs] Speaking of NLQ, Simone asked me last night if I would take her to Hair Pixies today.
- Any way for you to do that? - I'll take her.
I know you have to work on your pitch.
I have to work all day.
And I think she's freaking out about the whole lice thing.
I think also Colette leaving.
[sighs] Hair stuff is something they always used to do together.
I was hoping it wouldn't affect her, but maybe I was being naive.
[sighs] I'll take her.
Abby, not what I meant.
- No, no, no.
- You have to Her mom is hundreds of miles away.
Of course she's stressed out.
If that's what Simone needs, then I will do it.
I think she would really like that.
- Just a taste, please.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
[indistinct chatter] Okay, I know we're cooling it on the romance.
But, I mean, really, come on.
You did good, Al.
You know, maybe we should make this an annual thing, this place.
Oh, yeah, that's a nice idea.
You know, find a long weekend each year, escape.
You know, just us.
You know, fly the coop, get the hell out of Los Angeles, work, other humans, our exes.
Life is just sometimes too complicated.
It's easy to get caught up in the daily stresses, but when it's just us everything just melts away, and I really feel like we can breathe I kissed Frumpkis.
He kissed me.
We kissed each other.
But it was his idea.
Say something.
Al? Al, stop.
Where you going? Back to our room.
I'm packing.
It just happened, okay? It didn't mean anything.
It didn't mean anything? Don't patronize me.
He's your ex-husband, for Christ's sake.
- Albert.
- And it didn't mean anything? Don't be rash, okay? Let's go to bed.
We'll cool off.
We'll have a conversation in the morning.
Cool off? I don't cool off.
Look, I told you because I love you, and I wanted to be honest with you.
Oh, well, congratulations.
You succeeded, you were honest, good for you.
But this trip, it's over.
- Ow! Mom.
- Oh my god.
I barely touched you Okay.
Lady parts is poised sorry for a merchandising extravaganza.
Yes! You're still clear.
Ready for school - A lice free man.
- Yes, you are Extra-Va-gan-za.
Loving it! Hmm.
You're gonna kill it tomorrow.
And you're gonna kill it tonight.
Wish I didn't have to be in San Jose.
Well, when the head coach calls Mm.
You gonna be okay? Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.
I've got my mother-daughter night with Lilly.
We're going to go have her favorite sushi.
We're going to go to the movies.
Ooh, I love it.
Sounds like a blast.
So NLQ When are you coming back from San Jose? - Hopefully tonight.
- Okay.
Depends on how things play out.
Maybe in the morning, but I got us covered.
I know your pitch is at 10:00.
The boys will still be at that sleepover at the Robinsons', and Simone will be at her friend Lulu's place, so Very sexy The whole organizing thing.
- [laughs] - So, um NLQ you said scout.
But this is going to be like more of a home-office thing, right? When you use NLQ so much, it starts to feel pretty L.
Hmm? Hey, no job yet.
Let's cross these bridges one at a time, yeah? Yeah.
Do you two, like, wait for me to do that? It's so short.
What? No, it's fine.
She looks great.
No, I tried to stop her, but she was so freaked out about the lice.
Hey, you did good, okay? Thank you.
Asher! It's your turn for the lice check! You want me to handle it? Your pitch.
No, your flight.
I got this.
Let's go! Let's go, Ash.
[sighs] [sighs] Well, hello to you, too.
Aren't you supposed to be in San Sebastian? Obviously not, as here I sit.
I just got off the phone with one Claudia Barbee.
Ring any bells? Runs a large multinational media company, is a huge client for this firm, and she says you have been inattentive and distracted.
I can't have this, Delia.
Clients calling me up to tell me my top gun is asleep at the controls.
I'm pregnant.
Oh, that's amazing news! That's the best excuse ever for screwing up at work.
- Stop screwing up.
- Okay.
But congratulations.
That is so nice, Albert, thank you.
It has been foggy with a chance of full collapse.
So the IVF worked.
I'm gonna call Claudia.
I'm gonna fix this.
Hey, stop.
I know you will.
So how are you feeling about everything? Everything? Becoming a parent.
It was the biggest life-altering moment I've ever experienced.
And you driving the bus solo.
Mama drives this bus.
I'm gonna do this on my terms.
I'm gonna take charge of this kid's life, not the other way around.
Mm, I have no doubt.
You might be the one to actually pull it off.
Why are you and Jo back so early? Work, you know.
Whatever fight, whatever stupid fight you two had It's not stupid, believe me.
Push through.
Look how long you guys have been together.
For what it's worth, I've never seen either of you as happy as you are together.
You work.
[indistinct chatter, laughter] Salt, hey.
- Mm, bottoms up.
- Bottoms up.
Oh, my gosh, it's good.
I feel so warm and tingly.
It has been so long since I've had any - Tequila? - Fun.
Like, "let your hair down" fun.
Shit has just been so heavy lately.
Thanks for being cool for letting me bring Tony along.
He doesn't get out much.
Well, actually, neither do I.
Well, good.
Then we'll have another round.
I don't know why I thought you'd be such a straight edge.
Only in training.
In between, got to cut loose.
You know, break yourself down.
Build yourself back up.
I get that.
[sighs] You sure you want me to do this? Mm-hmm.
Fine, then I'm gonna do it like a marathon runner.
- Mm.
- Cheers.
[sighs] That's gonna hurt tomorrow.
Okay, Lilly, well, grab us a table, and I'll be there ASAP.
Okay, bye.
Simone? What are you doing here? I thought you were at your sleepover.
- I left.
- What's going on? I'm hideous.
What? Is it your hair? I hate myself.
No, Simone, no, no, no.
- Simone.
- Leave me alone.
- Come on, Simone.
- Why didn't you stop me? You should have never let me cut it.
- No, no, no, no.
- [door slams] Simone, unlock the door, honey.
Simone! - [muted crying] - Simone.
Uh, do you have a quick second? No, Jake, now is not a good time to talk.
That really bothered me the other night When we were talking about Emerson in front of Lilly What? What are you talking about? Pepperdine is a great school, but the more I hear about No, Jake, now is not a good time to talk.
I cannot do this right now.
Jake, shut up about Emerson! - I'm in the middle of a crisis! - [Simone crying] Lilly is literally sitting at a restaurant waiting for me.
Calm down, calm down.
And Mike's daughter is in her bedroom.
- And she will not come out.
- Where's Mike? He's on a business trip.
Honestly, I have no idea what to do at this point.
Hang up, call Lilly.
She'll understand.
We have movie tickets.
And you can go some other time, okay? But there is no time.
There's no time left with her.
Abby, think about it this way.
If it was Lilly in there, and she was freaking out and you weren't there you'd want someone to be with her.
[Simone continues crying] [rock music] [indistinct chatter] [sighs] Ugh, that was horrible.
Now next time just square your hips like this.
- Okay? - Okay.
Hmm, see.
Much better.
Okay, you got to stop.
What what You've got altitude training - Is this a thing with you? - What? This whole "trying to fix everyone" thing that you got going on? It's beautiful.
It's caring.
You're very caring.
But doesn't that get tiring? You know? To carry all that shit, stuff, weight.
Just so you know, I can handle my own shit.
So nothing ever rattles you? Nope, but I don't let it.
That's why I train in thin air, you know So nothing bothers me at sea level.
I'm gonna get another.
You want one? No, I'm okay.
Yep, got it.
My new buddies were telling me about this after-hours club.
You need to talk to Delia.
What? [stammers] She's not returning my texts.
I can't get her on Well, then go to her, Tony.
Trust me.
You two have some shit to deal with.
Not me.
You two.
So you up for another round? Hey, my little healer.
Your arm feeling better? Yeah, the painkillers are awesome.
- I'm gonna miss them.
- Your hear that? Those are your genes talking.
Pills were never my thing.
She gets that from your mom.
Oh, yeah, that's probably true.
Grammy's little helpers.
- Night, hon.
- Night.
So I was surprised to get your call.
Why was the trip cut short? Work.
Al had a lot of work to do, and I got busy with Rize & Shyne, you know.
[inhales deeply] Well, good night, Robert.
- I can't stop thinking about it.
- It was a mistake.
I don't think it was.
- We belong together, Jo.
- Are you kidding me? I have felt that way for a while now.
- And then that kiss - Oh, my God.
Look, I want to put our family back together again.
I miss us.
You broke us.
- Yes.
- You broke the family.
I know, I blew it all up, Because being a decent husband and a decent father was just too much for me.
But things are different now, Jo.
I am different, and it's never too late to try and fix your mistakes.
I love you.
I have always loved you.
I can't do this right now.
The kid's on the other side of this wall.
Jo [door opens] [door closes] [Mike sighs] Got on the last plane.
I had to make up an excuse, but How is she? - She's good.
She's okay.
You're here.
I'm done.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Thank you for being there for Simone.
I know you had this night with Lilly, but But what? It's one night.
You can reschedule.
I didn't want to reschedule, Mike.
My time with Lilly is important, and it's fleeting.
No, of course it is.
That's not what I And Simone was spiraling out of control.
She's a teenager.
Teenagers spiral.
I was a teenager, and I raised a teenager.
And she's been going through a lot lately.
- Yes, Colette leaving.
- Yeah.
And you blame me for that.
Abby, that Let's go to bed.
We'll talk in the morning.
Well, I can't talk in the morning, because I have a pitch in the morning that I feel completely unprepared for.
Come on, Abby, you'll be fine.
Lice checks and flute lessons Stop it, stop it now.
And Lilly leaving soon, and me just trying to be everything for everybody Take a breath, Abby.
While you are off parading around San Jose with the L.
- Parading? - I have a family, Mike.
And your kids, you know, Simone especially, she takes up, like, 80% of my energy.
Okay, there you go again "Your family.
" This is my family.
Okay, so we're all just one big happy McBrady family when it's fun for you.
The game nights, the dinners.
But as soon as it gets a little stressful A little stressful? Your daughter locking herself in her bedroom is a little stressful? I'm sorry my family isn't perfect like your family.
We're flawed.
We're emotional.
Deal with it because this is what you wanted.
[door opens, closes] [knock at door] Hi.
I forgive you.
If you say the kiss with Frumpkis was a mistake, I believe you.
I love you, Jo.
And I want to let it go if you do.
I'm not sure it was a mistake.
What? What are I'm sorry.
But I just I don't know.
I got to go.
I had my driveway time.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I love your family.
I love you.
Right back at you.
I've just been feeling so overwhelmed.
Me too, but we'll figure it out, get through this.
NLQ? Lay it on me.
What would I do without you? Sorry that I have been so spacey lately, but now you know why.
I promise I'm going to kill this morning.
The real challenge is once the kid shows up.
Oh, I think I'll be okay.
Banai, there's a Mr.
Conte here to see you.
He insisted.
Okay, thank you.
Would you excuse me for a moment, please? Hi.
Hey, Phoebe says you have something to tell me.
[sighs] [whispers] Phoebe, Jesus Christ.
Delia, what? What is it? You're not returning my phone calls.
I can't get a hold of you.
What's the deal? I'm pregnant.
But you're allergic to sperm.
Yeah, apparently not all sperm.
Holy shit.
I'm gonna be a dad.
This is my problem.
It's my responsibility, okay? You can just see it or have some role Some role? No, no, no.
You you can't just cut me out.
You just got out of prison.
You can't hold down a job.
Tony Wow, that's So really good job means you're ready to handle a baby? What, that, like, qualifies you? I just We both need to figure out what it is that we want.
You don't care what I want.
So don't pretend like you do.
[sighs] And the Lady Parts product line will stand out in the marketplace.
Organic, Eco-friendly, period-proof panties, moisturizers Just products that help women navigate through the storm and not around it with confidence which I wish I had a little bit more of right now.
Um Thank you.
I hope that we've given you all something to think about, and we should just No, really, I just I wish I had more confidence because I feel like I am failing.
I have four kids at home.
And one of them is leaving soon, and I'm missing that.
And then this opportunity to be here with you guys, pitching, and I'm missing that, too.
I'm trying to steal time to work on my pitch between lice checks, which, you know, by the way, don't worry about it.
Nobody has it, so Ugh! Women I mean, some of us feel like we can expand infinitely, that our energy is just limitless.
But it is not.
It has limits.
And so you have to make choices, and then you disappoint people, because how can you not? There are no shortcuts through this.
Then there's all this guilt and shame about not being everything.
God, why am I telling you all this? Why am I telling you all of this? I am telling you all of this because Lady Parts wants to take that fear and shame off the table.
You know, all these vaginal product lines, they make you feel like something is wrong and you need to fix it like a part of your body smells bad or a part of your body bleeds or a part of your body doesn't bleed or a part of your body chafes.
[sighs] Or, you know, whatever.
A part of your body hurts, and you're supposed to hide it.
Lady Parts says all those pieces of you are what you are.
They're who you are.
And you need to know who you are and accept it and love it limits and all with no guilt and certainly no shame.
And we are here to help.
Lady Parts is here to help.
[sighs] - [cork pops] - Ooh! - Ah! - Oh, my gosh.
[both laugh] To the new Lady Parts line bringing us a little vaginal magic.
That's pretty good.
I feel like I just won $20.
Who could get Coach Brady to say the word "vaginal"? [laughs] You just did that.
Coming when? I don't know.
Fall, winter.
Depends on the people at Donovay.
And to the new scout for the L.
You look good.
Is that how you do it? Good day for the McBrady household.
You okay there? Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
I just The reason that they went for my pitch is because I changed course.
I listened to my gut, and I feel like I need to do more of that listening.
Yeah, I co-sign that.
Gut listening.
I love you, Mike.
I love you, too us I want us to go the distance so much.
But in order for that to happen, I really have to confront something that is hard.
I thought that I could expand infinitely.
I Then I started, like, looking into our future Abby, Abby, stop.
What are you saying? We made a mistake moving in.