Girlfriends Guide To Divorce (2014) s05e06 Episode Script
Rule No. 1: Keep the Toast Short
1 Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce" - You smell like sex.
- Screw you.
We are getting a divorce.
Case closed.
Love is a fraud.
Oomph! You're a miserable lush.
[moans.]
I love you, but if you can't handle it I can't handle it.
I want to put our family back together again.
I miss us.
You say the kiss with Frumpkis was a mistake, I believe you.
I'm not sure it was a mistake.
It's been so long since I've had any fun.
You want to go out? Grab a drink? You have a brother? Tony.
It's simpler not having him in my life.
This was good.
Like, knees buckle good.
If I want to have a baby and carry it myself, my best option is IVF.
Dr.
Tyson, hi.
None of them were viable? Hey, Phoebe says you have something to tell me.
I'm pregnant.
You got knocked up by my brother, Delia.
This is between me and him.
No, it's not.
He is my family.
Bomb drop.
You're meeting the girlfriend? - Abby.
- Natalie.
I'm gonna ask her.
I'm gonna ask Natalie to marry me.
Well, I think you're making a huge mistake, so Yeah, well, don't break down any moving boxes because this blended family bullshit isn't gonna work.
I just got off the wait list at Emerson.
Emerson? I have four kids at home, and one of them is leaving soon, and I'm missing that.
I hate myself.
No.
No, no, no.
Simone? I have a family, Mike, and your kids, Simone especially, she takes up, like, 80% of my energy.
We made a mistake moving in.
So I need you to think real hard about this, because once you make this decision, there is no going back.
Um, I don't know, the twinkle lights? Well, okay.
Well, I would've gone with the long-stemmed candles, but you're the graduate.
Okay.
The graduate.
My college-bound high school graduate.
- Okay.
Okay, Mom.
- So cute.
All right.
Okay, wait, wait.
I have one more just one more thing to go over with you.
Emerson or Pepperdine? You know that's not a priority question.
I know, but the deadline's coming up, and Emerson is not gonna wait forever, and we've already lost our deposit on Pepperdine.
So, you know, not trying to say you have to go there, not influencing, but Lil, you're making your SOS face.
Yes, could you please handle her? Mike is here.
Hi, Mike.
Um, oh, you are on the grill, yes? - Yeah.
- Got Mike on grill So I saw two more apartments today.
Great.
Well, I mean, there's not a rush.
There kind of is if the kids are gonna be settled before the next school year.
[Golden Suits' "Another One".]
I think it was a link to three appetizer catering menus.
Or how about the five-page party checklist she sent us? That took the cake.
Terrifying.
It feels really huge, you know? My daughter's graduating high school.
Graduation's a huge deal, but not the party.
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah, I know.
It's just a gathering for your kid.
I know.
I'll calm down.
And plus, work has been all over me and just crazy, and But the graduation is tomorrow, and then things will start to normalize.
Yeah, after Mike moves out.
- Shouldn't have said that, sorry.
- No, no, no.
It's true.
It's the emotional hell of my own making, so - Oh, don't beat yourself up.
- No.
It is.
Yes, it is.
That is a fact, and I blew up our domestic life, and I still haven't told the kids, but, um, if I have to endure a few weeks of, you know, a horrible, zombie-like relationship, then that is what I am gonna do.
Yeah, but you made the right choice for you, and that is so brave.
Very brave.
Damn proud of you, sweetie.
Damn proud.
Thank you.
I love him.
I just couldn't live with him, and now he won't even look me in the eye, and it's just Maybe you should pump the brakes on the day drinking.
- Yeah.
- No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Hi.
Um, no, it's gonna be fine.
I'm just glad we're doing all this when we really loved each other because I feel like once the dust settles that Mike and I can, you know, figure out a way to actually - Really? - Yeah.
- No, that's impossible.
- And with a guy like Mike? That baseball orderly mind, you're either in or you're out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, it could happen anyway, so you know what? I don't want to talk about my shit anymore.
Delia, how are you feeling? Oh, I'm good.
I'm so good.
I am going to my first ultrasound tomorrow.
I'm gonna finally see what's growing inside of me.
It's so magical when you see that little bean.
- You're gonna be so overwhelmed.
- Yeah.
Still can't believe you got knocked up by her brother.
Okay, can you not talk about it, Jo? - Sorry.
- You know what? Can we just say one more thing about it? I just think you guys are handling this really well, so Well, Tess is really rubbing off on me.
She's rubbing something on you.
- Um, yeah.
- Have you scissored yet? - Oh, my God, can we just - That is private - That's a yes.
- And yes.
Tess.
Tess.
Tess Anyway, she's leaving tomorrow for altitude training in Peru.
I don't know if I'm gonna see her again, but you know, I I should be spinning.
Normally I would be spinning, but I'm not with her.
I - Nice.
Hmm.
How evolved.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
Jo.
- Stop texting.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Can you please stop texting? - It's Albert.
- Oh, it's a love triangle.
Thank you so much for being more confused than I am.
- Yeah.
- Go for that, lady.
Albert, Frumpkis, Frumpkis, Albert, tick-tock, tick-tock We're just being very mature and evolved like you girls, a bunch of mature bitches.
Have you even seen Albert? - You know, we phone, we text.
- And Frumpkis? Making pasta primavera tonight with our kid, so not making any big decisions yet.
- I'll know when I know.
- Yes, you will.
It's a big decision.
- It's a point of no return, so - That's not nice.
Well, we're gonna take this little glass from you.
Food.
How about we get some food? - Yay.
- Bread.
- Bread? - I think bread would be good.
Can we get some bread? You got to learn to let it go Look, I'm sorry, but you cannot make pasta primavera without zucchini.
He's right.
Zucchini is key.
Oh, is that a rule? Really? Uh everything okay? Yeah, yeah.
Everything's great.
Great.
Well, grab my latte.
I'm gonna run across the street to the cheese store, grab some appetizers.
Oh, something soft.
Definitely goat cheese.
- No bleu cheese, please.
Mold.
- Hard, moldy.
Right.
This is gonna be good.
We haven't had pasta primavera in forever.
Yeah, I guess not.
I know we used to make it all the time when you were a little kid.
I remember.
I loved it.
What? What is it? Look who it is.
Hi.
[laid-back music.]
Natalie, you're insane.
Weren't you worried about hypothermia or just people seeing you? She was you guys, she was a little bit wild - at first, and then - Okay, that is Emerson.
Streaking is the thing.
Cut-loose environment.
But it's a really studious environment too.
- Oh, yeah.
Of course.
- It's a very good school.
- Let's go streaking! - No, no, no, Charlie.
- That's a college thing, really.
- Yeah, streaking! - Streaking! Yeah, streaking! - Oh, top-only streaking.
Wow.
All right.
Did you hear that? Streaking.
Yeah, it's making me want to go to Emerson.
Sounds fun.
Um, we were gonna take the kids for ice cream.
Is that cool with you guys? No, I can't.
I've got drinks with Barbara.
- Okay.
We can, though, if that's - So streaking? Yeah, sorry about that.
Yeah, and she also came up with all the best ideas for the graduation party tomorrow, which I think she got from a YouTuber.
Okay.
Any other complaints? I'm open for business.
I'm not a prude.
[laughter.]
Uh-oh, I think we hurt her feelings.
- Shit.
- [laughs.]
- I didn't mean to.
- You okay? I mean, you guys okay? I'm sensing some edge since I got here.
- No, we're good.
- Okay.
Yeah, we're great.
Just, you know, - graduation mania.
- Yes.
- It's overwhelming.
It's a lot.
- Okay.
Um, hey, have you thought about what you're gonna get for Lilly? Because I think, like, it's a moment for a special gift.
I agree.
I think we should get her four years of college.
Ha, ha, ha.
Okay.
Big idea.
- Whoo, whoo.
- Oh, boy.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
I think we should go in on something together.
- Okay.
- A new car.
- No way.
- I mean, a used one obviously.
- Come on, she's gonna need it.
- Not if she chooses Emerson.
That's a city school.
She doesn't need a car.
Yeah, but if that happens, we'll just ship it.
The car.
Or one of us can road trip with her.
One of us? You mean me.
Listen to me.
There is a used car dealership off a freeway I've never heard of past Lancaster, and they have a very good price on a very safe, very practical sedan.
You want to go deep into the valley to buy a used sedan? No.
I'm checking it out in the morning.
I want to surprise her with it tomorrow Can I go with you? Because Not to be gender-normative You will get ripped off.
Oh, sounds like we're doing ice cream.
Is that cool? No, no.
I can't.
I've got the The drinks with Barbara, which I actually have to get ready for, so I better.
Well, go.
I'll finish the dishes.
Are you sure? 'Cause I can I got it.
Go.
- Naked! Naked! - Oh, boys! I got it.
- Thank you, Mike.
- Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
To your long-awaited return.
Hey, to you for killing that pitch.
- Yeah, to us.
- Oh, we got a brand.
- To us.
- We got a brand.
It's our birthday.
Barbara and Abby.
Barbara and Abby.
Oh, my God.
I am so happy you are back.
Here is to that.
Okay, I didn't want to go here tonight, but I think I have to.
Where? Go where? I got an offer from one of those local morning shows to co-host.
I've decided to take it.
Co-host? What? The one with the McCain-meets-Philbin guy.
If you watch in HD, you can actually see his nose hairs growing live.
- Oh, the nose hair guy.
- Yeah, I know that guy.
The producers think he and I balance each other out.
Wow.
I didn't think it was something I wanted to do, but I do, and I'm good at it.
It does mean that [sighs.]
- New York.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Well, the Bronx is up and the battery's down, so And, Abby, the site, it's incredible.
And I'm not quitting.
It's just that I won't be as involved with the day-to-day.
So we can, you know, bring on another staffer if you want.
Yeah.
Well, yay.
Here's to, um to future TV star.
Where'd you go? I'm here, I'm here.
I'm just It's just it's really late and Tony isn't home yet, and he didn't come home last night.
Well, he's dealing with his shit.
I know.
- His shit.
- I get it.
It's just, with Tony, I just want to fix it so badly just so we could feel like a family.
[object shatters.]
Jesus, Tony.
Sorry.
Shit, was this vase, like, a thing? No.
I have texted you a few times.
- Uh-huh.
- What are you doing? I mean, you've been late to work the last few days.
I hated that job.
Whatever.
You hated that job.
As in, you got fired again? Not equipped to talk to customers.
Or be a father.
Nope, not if you act like this.
I know this routine.
This is what's gonna put you back in jail.
Christ.
I saw some friends.
That's it.
No, I know you're hurting, and honestly, your reaction to all this? It is just proving Delia's point.
- Phoebe.
- No, he needs to hear this.
You need to hear this, Tony.
You're not ready to be a father.
You need to grow the hell up.
You need to figure your shit out, and maybe then, maybe then you can Maybe then what? Maybe then I can be well-adjusted and wonderful and happy like you? Just stop it.
We've had this conversation so many times.
It is a dead end.
Wow, nothing's changed here.
You say you have my back, but you still think you're better than me.
- That's not true.
- Screw you.
[melancholy music.]
I think it's adorable.
What year is this? Well, I loved 2014.
Take her for a spin.
- Yeah.
- Keys are in it.
- Great.
- Just leave me your keys There you go.
Come on back when you're done.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Wow.
- Wow what? Wow, the age of this car is faker than Breitbart.
I mean, you really want our kid to go to Pepperdine, don't you? No, I just want to do a nice thing.
Oh, come on.
You have an agenda.
Do you not want her to go to Emerson because it's far away or because Natalie went there? This has nothing to do with your very nice fiancée.
Or is it because I want her to go there? Because I got to say, I think the East Coast thing would be good.
I think she needs a little space.
It's a good thing.
Okay.
Shut up, Jake.
Try to have an open mind.
I'm driving.
Can't a guy hector his ex-wife anymore? No.
- [engine turns over.]
- Look at that.
Nice.
- So we went with Clerkenwell.
- Oh, I love it.
It's like the Venice of London, right? No, not quite, but there was an opening - for a vegan bakery there.
- Oh, that's great.
Well, a need really, and I know investors here so I thought I'd pop over, take some meetings.
Great.
I thought about calling, but after the way we left it Let's not get into it.
Please.
Come on.
I left, fleeing like a coward.
Shit.
So wow, look at you.
You're you're engaged.
- I am.
- God.
Kelly? - Uh, Kyla.
- Beautiful name.
- Yes.
- Kyla.
She tamed me.
And you back with Frumpkis.
No.
Well, no.
We're not exactly.
No? But I thought I saw you and him and Zooey.
Well, it's complicated.
There's a lot of history there, I know.
It's hard to run away from that.
Hmm.
You see what that light What is that? The car is on fire.
That's the light.
All right, I'm gonna pull this over.
- Oh, my God.
- Shit.
I'm not doing that.
It's just the car doing that.
Well, I just stop the car.
Stop the car.
Ugh! Don't say it.
It.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
I got a bar.
Jake, Jake, Jake! Jake, yell the number for AAA, I got a bar.
What is it? Yell it out.
Yell out the number for AAA.
Argh! Damn it.
I've lost it.
Shit, Jake.
Abby ow! God.
Will you just stop pretending to fix that thing? It's embarrassing.
Okay, let's not go down that marital rabbit hole 20 minutes into an emergency.
Just let me do my thing.
My father is waiting for us to pick him up from the nursing home because he would like to see his granddaughter graduate in three hours, which we're gonna miss.
I understand because you had to buy a shitty car so we could bribe our daughter to stay in L.
A.
Blaming now? Is that what we're doing? That's really helpful.
That is not what this is, and you didn't need to be here.
- Well, someone had to be here.
- Someone? What does that mean? It means someone's gonna have to drive the car back to L.
A.
- Mike isn't here.
- Well, Mike is not obligated to do everything that I need in my whole No, no.
There's some shit going on between you and Mike, so that's why he's not here.
There is nothing.
It's just whatever.
Men.
Uh-huh.
Men? - Yes, it's men.
- And kids? Men and women and kids! The whole thing.
Abby, there's something going on there.
Don't try to bullshit me, okay? I don't want to talk about it! I asked him to move out, okay? Mike is moving out, so - Well, Abby, I didn't know that.
- I actually don't want your pity, so we need to focus.
Lilly is graduating.
"Not good for you or me.
I'm out.
" - Well, out could mean - I'm never gonna see him again.
He just needs to cool off, okay? This'll be Phoebe, even if he's gone, you've done everything I lost it on him about the baby.
What do you mean? I told him that you were right, that he wasn't fit to be a father.
I got to go lie down.
Yeah.
Get some shuteye.
I'm sure he'll call you soon.
No, he's not gonna call me soon because he's not Frumpkis.
He's not gonna bounce back.
Phoebe, I - I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
Oh, God.
Did you see that look? She hates me.
You know what? She just needs to cool off.
- It's heightened emotions.
- No, and she should, because I'm the reason that Tony Delia, stop it.
You're not the reason.
Yeah, I am.
Exactly what Phoebe said would happen did, and now here we are, and Tony's probably gonna be dead in a ditch somewhere or robbing a bank or God knows, but he's gone, and I have his genetics and his felonious DNA just coalescing inside of me, creating a human being that I am going to be responsible for for the rest of my life.
- Delia, take a breath.
- God.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here, come here.
Sit down.
- Oh, God, damn it.
- You need to breathe.
It's just heightened emotions, my love.
I know.
- It's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
I wanted a baby, but not like this.
This is too much.
I can't do this.
- It's the hormones talking.
- And you can.
You got this, D, and we're here.
We know the ropes.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I have to go to an OB/GYN appointment in a couple hours, and I'm just gonna figure it out before then.
Figure out what? After everything, are you actually considering I don't know.
Okay, then, no, that's that is great.
No, just make sure Lilly doesn't worry and all right.
Thank you so much, babe.
I love you too.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey.
Natalie says not to worry.
Mike's going to get your dad.
She's gonna get the kids to graduation.
AAA is on their way.
- Natalie to the rescue.
- Indeed.
"Babe.
" All right, I'll let that one slide 'cause you're going through a breakup.
I'm not going through a breakup, technically.
That's vague, but What's that mean? What's the deal? It's just our living situation was not workable.
We confronted a very difficult situation, and we're gonna deal with it.
- Me and Mike.
- Oh, Mike and you are dealing with it? - Yeah.
- Oh, good.
- What? - Abby, I warned you about this very thing.
- I said - You warned me? Yes, I said you were going too fast.
No, you spewed some toxic whatever.
Yes, I did, and now Lilly and Charlie have to deal with the aftermath - because you were impulsive.
- Oh, really? Says the guy who's marrying somebody he's known for five minutes.
Let's not put it on me and Natalie, okay? She doesn't come with any of this kind of baggage.
- Yeah.
No bags, no sags.
- Oh, Jesus.
Is that why you're turning into a middle-aged cliché? Well, wait till you're a new daddy because then things are gonna get really real.
What are you talking about? We're not having a baby.
Yeah.
You are going to be 65 covered in spit-up, trust me.
I mean, why can't you just get old and die like everybody else? - Thanks.
- Instead you just need to rejuvenate yourself by By jizzing your old man sperm into this nubile forest creature.
You know what? I am not even 50, and you are obsessed with age.
You're inching up, Jake, and she's in her fertile years.
She's gonna be dying to have a baby.
Well, she's not dying to have a baby, and it's none of your business.
Like Mike and my situation? Not your business.
Okay, maybe not, but that doesn't mean you get to shit on me and Natalie because your personal life is a mess.
It's beneath you.
Stop.
I'm marrying Natalie because I love her, because I want to have a life with her.
- Ah-ah, can't hear you.
- Oh, my God.
Great.
What are you doing? Okay, could you not do that? You're making it worse.
What? It's dead.
How can you get worse than dead? When you pull the hose out and we die, and then it's worse! Well, back off because I'm fixing it, this piece of shit car - Yeah.
- That maybe maybe is a bribe because Lilly going to Boston is making me feel desperate.
- Oh! - She's leaving.
And screw me if, like, adding a guy that I love or adding two kids that I adore If that takes time away from Lilly or Charlie or makes them feel any less loved, then I'm not gonna have it.
Our marriage may have been a shit show, but we made her.
She is the best of us, and she's leaving, and it's I'm sorry.
Damn it, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
That's what happens.
They leave.
But I know.
I'm I feel the same thing.
You're, like, planning your next life.
My little girl has turned into a woman and she's leaving.
I'm a mess.
I get it.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm trying to poison your hopes for future happiness, 'cause I'm not.
In all honesty, being married to you for all of those years kind of did that.
Oh, thank you? What the No, I mean I mean, when we were good, we were really good.
Then we were bad, we were awful.
Really bad.
- [hissing.]
- Oh! Okay, ow! Well, you fixed that.
- We should've waited for AAA.
- Not waiting.
Sick of waiting.
We're gonna miss the graduation, Jake.
Hold on, hold on.
I'm connected with the driver, - and I have Damon - Oh, fast.
Damon in a Kia.
He'll be here in ten minutes.
Thank you, Damon.
Oh, my God.
Up here, up here.
- Yes.
- See? Got it.
All right, for what it's worth, I hope you and Mike figure it out.
He's a very hard guy to dislike, no matter how much I try.
Yeah.
It's not like us, you know? He doesn't add to my spin.
I don't add to his spin.
I thought we could go the distance.
You really don't think you can? Well, and make the living situation work? No.
We were so great.
I just thought we could, you know, co-exist and be parents side-by-side.
- Side-by-side but separate.
- Yes, but instead we each ended up with four kids, - and each kid with four parents.
- Oof.
Maybe I'm just not built for other people.
- Abby.
- No.
You're great, Mike is great.
Abby, don't do that to yourself.
No.
We just did a piece on how few women remarry, and it's big.
It's like you can have it all, work, life, kids, but you won't have anyone to trudge with.
We're literally trudging right now.
[warm music.]
So we snag people for the healthy crap, and then they stay for the butter.
Jo, this is, I mean, diabolical.
- But I'm impressed.
- Thanks, thanks.
Although that scone does look a little lean.
You want a bite? Eat your words.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'll pop one in.
- Go for it, mister.
- Hey.
- Hey, it's Scott.
- Yeah, you.
Hey, man.
Oh, you look well.
Yes.
Well, I am, very, and you're in town again.
Yeah, yeah.
Just for a few days, you know? [phone buzzing.]
What, are you kidding me with that? - Who's that? - What are you doing here? I thought maybe I'd come over and help you close up and then take you over to Lilly's party.
You were supposed to meet me there.
What, you gonna have a quickie with Albert? Or maybe you're gonna have a threesome - with this fob.
- Ahah, it's fop, and don't make me tackle you into a pastry again.
Just just let me, please.
Hi.
Hey, is it one of those weird extra Jewish holidays like the hut one? - [chuckles.]
- Roads are dead out there.
Google Maps say I can be at your place in under seven minutes if I speed.
Oh, now's not a really good time.
Understood.
Just wanted to hear your voice.
Yeah, back at you.
Hey, I know you share a lot with him from before, but I see who you are now.
Bet on us, Jo.
Bet on the better you.
- I got to go.
- Okay.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
- [overlapping arguing.]
- Hey.
Jo, I just I can't.
I can't do this anymore, okay? I mean, first, you got to tell me I got to stand around for this whole Albert thing, and now Zooey tells me you're hanging out with a sex addict.
Hey, listen, just because you're one doesn't make me an addict.
- Connoisseur, certainly.
- Who's Albert? He's engaged.
Jesus.
And why shouldn't you have to wait on me after everything you've put me through? It's the least you could do.
Jo, it's been, like, a month.
I mean, I'm going crazy.
- And congratulations, by the way.
- Yeah, thanks very much.
Listen, perhaps I better go 'cause, you know - Hey - I love you, Jo.
I love you.
I know.
I know.
I know.
- Jackie Neelon.
- [cheers and applause.]
Congratulations, Jackie.
Barnaby North.
[cheers and applause.]
That's right, bro! That's right! Yeah! - Yeah.
[whistling.]
- All right! Lilly Novak.
[cheers and applause.]
Lilly.
All right! Congratulations, Lilly.
Congratulations.
- Yeah.
- Lilly! Whoo! Lilly! - Hey! - We love you! Oh, my God! We love you so much.
- Yeah, we love you! - Love you! [both shouting.]
[Chemical Brothers' "Slow Me Down".]
Slipping away from me Slow me down It's getting away from me It's getting away from me It's getting away from me Smile.
Sometimes I need a light when the moon is low - So I decided on a school.
- Yeah? Mm-hmm.
Emerson.
Yeah, you sure? - Yeah.
- Wow.
Well, congrats.
It's an amazing school.
It is really far away, though.
- That was your choice for me.
- Oh, my God.
I knew it.
It's just kind of sinking in.
Congratulations.
I can't even I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
That is I'm gonna miss you.
I'm nervous.
- Yeah.
- But it's what you did.
I just have to go for it like you, right? You ready? Everybody's leaving.
Yeah.
You saved the day.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I don't know what else to say to make you understand.
No, I know.
No, I'm not sure you do.
I-I wish you would understand the difference between what it is that I realized I can do and what I wish I can do.
I just Let's just get through tonight, okay? We'll tell the kids tomorrow.
[exhales deeply.]
Oh, God.
Hey, you.
What are you doing here? Well, there's so much that's great about having delightfully nosy friends.
We tell each other everything.
Well, I, um, made a decision, and then I unmade it.
Just changes every moment.
I guess you have an opinion.
That changes every moment, but the thing is, it's not about me.
Shocker.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get there.
Well, he it would be related to you.
But doesn't give me the right to push you.
God, nothing's real until it is, you know? Tell me about it.
You think you have it all figured out and then I screw it up.
- My God.
- Look what I did with Tony.
Phoebe, I am so sorry about that.
No, I know.
I know you are, and so am I.
Maybe he wouldn't have stayed anyways.
I mean, maybe I'm just gonna mind my own business.
What if someone wants your opinion? - My opinion? - Yeah.
I would say that Delia Banai can do anything that she sets her mind to, and me and all the nosy ladies will be here no matter what to support you.
Okay.
Okay.
I think - Delia Banai? - Yeah, hi.
Yeah, hi.
I think I want you to come with me.
[indistinct conversation.]
Listen, about earlier, I just wanted to apologize.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Just shh.
No, no.
Jo.
Jo, you take all the time you need.
Mom, Dad, you look so serious.
Listen, I went by Amoeba earlier.
I got some great stuff.
"L.
A.
Story," "The Awful Truth.
" What about a movie night after this? Yeah.
We could microwave some kettle corn or I can't.
I have the sleepover with Kara and Henley, remember? Right.
Do it anyway.
Love you.
You and me, movie night? Kid said, "Do it anyway.
" Yeah, we'll, uh, play it by ear.
[wistful music.]
If you're trying to hide from me, these walls are very glass.
No, I just needed a moment.
Oh.
Should I leave you be, or We were building something, Barbara.
You and me.
If I had known you'd just jump ship at the next best thing that came along I'm not jumping.
I'm expanding.
You're leaving.
We launched this together.
We were gonna make this great together.
It is great.
It's amazing.
And at this point, you don't really need me.
Please don't tell me what I need.
I wanted to do this with you.
We just got the door open between us, and I like it.
Me too.
What we've done has blown my world wide open, and I'm so proud, but an opportunity like this doesn't come around often.
And I need to trust myself that I'm making the right move for me.
- I get that, I really do.
- Oh, there you guys are.
I just had a five-minute conversation with Natalie about the weather in Vancouver.
Shoot me.
Yeah, it's very, very wet, I hear.
- Wow.
- So any clarity, Ms.
Jo? In with the old, out with the new? Or I have no idea.
I think you do.
We usually know deep down, don't we? What we want.
- Yeah.
- Hey, ladies.
- Hi.
- Just in time, ladies.
- Oh.
- We're breaking down some major life decisions out here.
No, way too much.
No, no, no.
You've made enough decisions.
How did the appointment go? How are you? Hey, Abby.
Hello, witches of the west.
East? Which one's good? Um, ready? Let's get this thing going, okay? - You do the honors.
- Yeah, yeah.
Just give me two minutes.
Two minutes.
Two minutes.
You got it? Oh, it's so cute.
Witches of the west, nice.
- Beautiful.
- Oh, it's gorgeous.
That is gorgeous.
Ladies, okay, - as the presumed coven leader - Oh I have a few words to say on this momentous day.
- Here we go.
- [laughter.]
[sighs.]
No matter what, we are very, very lucky to have each other.
Amen.
Yes to that.
- Onward.
- Onward.
- Always.
- Onward always.
[laughter.]
Okay, I can't have more feels, - so you guys go inside.
- Sure.
Gladly.
I need another beverage.
- Distract Lilly.
- Yes.
I'll be out in just a couple of moments.
Hey [Wild Ones' "Heatwave".]
Ooh, ooh, again Ooh, ooh, heatwave Ooh, ooh, again Yay.
Thank you.
And no sugar.
Oh, I am sugaring today.
Yes, you are, as you should.
You know, Mom, I don't want to If it bothers you, I'm not gonna What? No, of course not.
Drink away.
I just personally, I feel better without it.
Oh, my God.
My Emerson grad.
- Mom - I love you.
- Give me a sip.
- Excuse me, Charlie.
Hands off.
- Mom.
- Yes? This is Sam.
Remember? I told you about Sam.
Sam, hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
There's no teenage drinking in this house by the way.
Okay, so what'd she say? - What'd I say about what? - Oh, whoops.
About Mark moving back with me.
That's fine, and you can stay in the guest house but not indefinitely.
Dad.
Dad, you want some cake? Oh, no, no, no.
Not for me.
Dina? Yes, I'll have a piece.
Thank you.
- Here you go, Shelly.
- It's a lovely party.
Thank you so much.
Okay, who wants cake? Hi, you guys.
I mean, but Florida? Come on, honey.
There are hurricanes.
That's where NASA wants to send me, Dad.
Mar-a-Lago is in Florida.
That's how bad it is.
- Whatever.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Gestational diabetes.
Hello? Two words.
Oh.
Hey, sorry.
Just making another pitch for your wedding cake.
Come on, lemon verbena.
- We're not we're not - No, we're eloping.
Someday.
- Oh.
- Sneak attack.
One day you're gonna get a little text and then boom, married.
- I'll wait for that, then.
- Remember when we used to have parties just to have parties? Now it's all kids and milestones.
Does this mean we don't have to go to your fund-raiser? Ha, ha, ha.
You're the one who convinced her to run.
That's right, don't you forget it.
Mommy.
Mommy.
Hi, baby.
Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
What do you want, baby? - I want cake.
- You want cake? But you already had cake.
Please? Okay, go have whatever you want, but go use a napkin, okay? You are gonna be such a tough judge.
Well, Tony has her tomorrow.
He can deal with the sugar-induced sleep deprivation.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Where's my niece? I want to squeeze her.
Oh, she's running around.
Find her, please.
- Yes.
- Oh, God, Anouk and Luco are traveling with their dad so Phoebe wants to touch every little kid that she sees.
Okay, that sounds really creepy.
I just miss them.
I know, I know.
Can somebody please eat cake? Because seriously, everyone's, like, gluten-free or egg-free or dairy-free or thank you.
- I never say no to cake.
- Thank you so much, Becca.
And you'll look good for it.
- Oh, my God.
Is that - Yes, it is.
- I love her show.
- I know, yes.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Late, yep, as usual, but looking fabulous.
Hello.
- So I got the proposal.
- Oh, yes.
It's exciting, right? Yeah, but if we sell LP, what does that mean for the launch of the new site? - Okay, well - You know what? Sorry.
Later.
You'll explain it.
Okay, yes.
Come in.
Come join the party.
Jake's solo? I thought he had a new girlfriend.
Oh, he's playing the field.
He has post-divorce, post-divorce, so he's self-medicating.
With pussy.
Take two pussies and call me in the morning.
[laughter.]
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm back.
- Hi.
- Had to go to my place.
Forgot the ice there.
You know, I'm sorry.
You didn't have to do that.
- Wife, it was my pleasure.
- Husband.
Now there's plenty of ice.
And I haven't heard from either of you on that thing.
Oh, about the on-camera thing.
Yes.
Married, separate domiciles? It's a big deal.
- Excuse me.
- Hey.
- How are you? - Good.
Good.
Toast time, maybe? Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Phoebe, will you grab me a water? Yes, yes, yes.
Coming in hot.
- Everybody! - Toast.
- Oh, my God.
- Look, there she is right now.
She's gonna cry.
[laughter.]
- Jake, do you want to - No, you got it, you got it.
Although shorter is better.
[laughter.]
Short, okay.
- To love.
- ALL: To love.
[Seeb's "What Do You Love".]
Work all day and you cry all night You ain't loving life, you say your hands are tied Oh, baby, what do you love? Just stand for something Or fall for anything Come out of the dark, into the light Whatever your fear is, it will be all right But tell me, what do you love? Tell me, what do you love? Come out of the dark, into the light Whatever your fear is, it will be all right But tell me, what do you love? What do you love? What do you love?
- Screw you.
We are getting a divorce.
Case closed.
Love is a fraud.
Oomph! You're a miserable lush.
[moans.]
I love you, but if you can't handle it I can't handle it.
I want to put our family back together again.
I miss us.
You say the kiss with Frumpkis was a mistake, I believe you.
I'm not sure it was a mistake.
It's been so long since I've had any fun.
You want to go out? Grab a drink? You have a brother? Tony.
It's simpler not having him in my life.
This was good.
Like, knees buckle good.
If I want to have a baby and carry it myself, my best option is IVF.
Dr.
Tyson, hi.
None of them were viable? Hey, Phoebe says you have something to tell me.
I'm pregnant.
You got knocked up by my brother, Delia.
This is between me and him.
No, it's not.
He is my family.
Bomb drop.
You're meeting the girlfriend? - Abby.
- Natalie.
I'm gonna ask her.
I'm gonna ask Natalie to marry me.
Well, I think you're making a huge mistake, so Yeah, well, don't break down any moving boxes because this blended family bullshit isn't gonna work.
I just got off the wait list at Emerson.
Emerson? I have four kids at home, and one of them is leaving soon, and I'm missing that.
I hate myself.
No.
No, no, no.
Simone? I have a family, Mike, and your kids, Simone especially, she takes up, like, 80% of my energy.
We made a mistake moving in.
So I need you to think real hard about this, because once you make this decision, there is no going back.
Um, I don't know, the twinkle lights? Well, okay.
Well, I would've gone with the long-stemmed candles, but you're the graduate.
Okay.
The graduate.
My college-bound high school graduate.
- Okay.
Okay, Mom.
- So cute.
All right.
Okay, wait, wait.
I have one more just one more thing to go over with you.
Emerson or Pepperdine? You know that's not a priority question.
I know, but the deadline's coming up, and Emerson is not gonna wait forever, and we've already lost our deposit on Pepperdine.
So, you know, not trying to say you have to go there, not influencing, but Lil, you're making your SOS face.
Yes, could you please handle her? Mike is here.
Hi, Mike.
Um, oh, you are on the grill, yes? - Yeah.
- Got Mike on grill So I saw two more apartments today.
Great.
Well, I mean, there's not a rush.
There kind of is if the kids are gonna be settled before the next school year.
[Golden Suits' "Another One".]
I think it was a link to three appetizer catering menus.
Or how about the five-page party checklist she sent us? That took the cake.
Terrifying.
It feels really huge, you know? My daughter's graduating high school.
Graduation's a huge deal, but not the party.
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah, I know.
It's just a gathering for your kid.
I know.
I'll calm down.
And plus, work has been all over me and just crazy, and But the graduation is tomorrow, and then things will start to normalize.
Yeah, after Mike moves out.
- Shouldn't have said that, sorry.
- No, no, no.
It's true.
It's the emotional hell of my own making, so - Oh, don't beat yourself up.
- No.
It is.
Yes, it is.
That is a fact, and I blew up our domestic life, and I still haven't told the kids, but, um, if I have to endure a few weeks of, you know, a horrible, zombie-like relationship, then that is what I am gonna do.
Yeah, but you made the right choice for you, and that is so brave.
Very brave.
Damn proud of you, sweetie.
Damn proud.
Thank you.
I love him.
I just couldn't live with him, and now he won't even look me in the eye, and it's just Maybe you should pump the brakes on the day drinking.
- Yeah.
- No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Hi.
Um, no, it's gonna be fine.
I'm just glad we're doing all this when we really loved each other because I feel like once the dust settles that Mike and I can, you know, figure out a way to actually - Really? - Yeah.
- No, that's impossible.
- And with a guy like Mike? That baseball orderly mind, you're either in or you're out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, it could happen anyway, so you know what? I don't want to talk about my shit anymore.
Delia, how are you feeling? Oh, I'm good.
I'm so good.
I am going to my first ultrasound tomorrow.
I'm gonna finally see what's growing inside of me.
It's so magical when you see that little bean.
- You're gonna be so overwhelmed.
- Yeah.
Still can't believe you got knocked up by her brother.
Okay, can you not talk about it, Jo? - Sorry.
- You know what? Can we just say one more thing about it? I just think you guys are handling this really well, so Well, Tess is really rubbing off on me.
She's rubbing something on you.
- Um, yeah.
- Have you scissored yet? - Oh, my God, can we just - That is private - That's a yes.
- And yes.
Tess.
Tess.
Tess Anyway, she's leaving tomorrow for altitude training in Peru.
I don't know if I'm gonna see her again, but you know, I I should be spinning.
Normally I would be spinning, but I'm not with her.
I - Nice.
Hmm.
How evolved.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
Jo.
- Stop texting.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Can you please stop texting? - It's Albert.
- Oh, it's a love triangle.
Thank you so much for being more confused than I am.
- Yeah.
- Go for that, lady.
Albert, Frumpkis, Frumpkis, Albert, tick-tock, tick-tock We're just being very mature and evolved like you girls, a bunch of mature bitches.
Have you even seen Albert? - You know, we phone, we text.
- And Frumpkis? Making pasta primavera tonight with our kid, so not making any big decisions yet.
- I'll know when I know.
- Yes, you will.
It's a big decision.
- It's a point of no return, so - That's not nice.
Well, we're gonna take this little glass from you.
Food.
How about we get some food? - Yay.
- Bread.
- Bread? - I think bread would be good.
Can we get some bread? You got to learn to let it go Look, I'm sorry, but you cannot make pasta primavera without zucchini.
He's right.
Zucchini is key.
Oh, is that a rule? Really? Uh everything okay? Yeah, yeah.
Everything's great.
Great.
Well, grab my latte.
I'm gonna run across the street to the cheese store, grab some appetizers.
Oh, something soft.
Definitely goat cheese.
- No bleu cheese, please.
Mold.
- Hard, moldy.
Right.
This is gonna be good.
We haven't had pasta primavera in forever.
Yeah, I guess not.
I know we used to make it all the time when you were a little kid.
I remember.
I loved it.
What? What is it? Look who it is.
Hi.
[laid-back music.]
Natalie, you're insane.
Weren't you worried about hypothermia or just people seeing you? She was you guys, she was a little bit wild - at first, and then - Okay, that is Emerson.
Streaking is the thing.
Cut-loose environment.
But it's a really studious environment too.
- Oh, yeah.
Of course.
- It's a very good school.
- Let's go streaking! - No, no, no, Charlie.
- That's a college thing, really.
- Yeah, streaking! - Streaking! Yeah, streaking! - Oh, top-only streaking.
Wow.
All right.
Did you hear that? Streaking.
Yeah, it's making me want to go to Emerson.
Sounds fun.
Um, we were gonna take the kids for ice cream.
Is that cool with you guys? No, I can't.
I've got drinks with Barbara.
- Okay.
We can, though, if that's - So streaking? Yeah, sorry about that.
Yeah, and she also came up with all the best ideas for the graduation party tomorrow, which I think she got from a YouTuber.
Okay.
Any other complaints? I'm open for business.
I'm not a prude.
[laughter.]
Uh-oh, I think we hurt her feelings.
- Shit.
- [laughs.]
- I didn't mean to.
- You okay? I mean, you guys okay? I'm sensing some edge since I got here.
- No, we're good.
- Okay.
Yeah, we're great.
Just, you know, - graduation mania.
- Yes.
- It's overwhelming.
It's a lot.
- Okay.
Um, hey, have you thought about what you're gonna get for Lilly? Because I think, like, it's a moment for a special gift.
I agree.
I think we should get her four years of college.
Ha, ha, ha.
Okay.
Big idea.
- Whoo, whoo.
- Oh, boy.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
I think we should go in on something together.
- Okay.
- A new car.
- No way.
- I mean, a used one obviously.
- Come on, she's gonna need it.
- Not if she chooses Emerson.
That's a city school.
She doesn't need a car.
Yeah, but if that happens, we'll just ship it.
The car.
Or one of us can road trip with her.
One of us? You mean me.
Listen to me.
There is a used car dealership off a freeway I've never heard of past Lancaster, and they have a very good price on a very safe, very practical sedan.
You want to go deep into the valley to buy a used sedan? No.
I'm checking it out in the morning.
I want to surprise her with it tomorrow Can I go with you? Because Not to be gender-normative You will get ripped off.
Oh, sounds like we're doing ice cream.
Is that cool? No, no.
I can't.
I've got the The drinks with Barbara, which I actually have to get ready for, so I better.
Well, go.
I'll finish the dishes.
Are you sure? 'Cause I can I got it.
Go.
- Naked! Naked! - Oh, boys! I got it.
- Thank you, Mike.
- Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
To your long-awaited return.
Hey, to you for killing that pitch.
- Yeah, to us.
- Oh, we got a brand.
- To us.
- We got a brand.
It's our birthday.
Barbara and Abby.
Barbara and Abby.
Oh, my God.
I am so happy you are back.
Here is to that.
Okay, I didn't want to go here tonight, but I think I have to.
Where? Go where? I got an offer from one of those local morning shows to co-host.
I've decided to take it.
Co-host? What? The one with the McCain-meets-Philbin guy.
If you watch in HD, you can actually see his nose hairs growing live.
- Oh, the nose hair guy.
- Yeah, I know that guy.
The producers think he and I balance each other out.
Wow.
I didn't think it was something I wanted to do, but I do, and I'm good at it.
It does mean that [sighs.]
- New York.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Well, the Bronx is up and the battery's down, so And, Abby, the site, it's incredible.
And I'm not quitting.
It's just that I won't be as involved with the day-to-day.
So we can, you know, bring on another staffer if you want.
Yeah.
Well, yay.
Here's to, um to future TV star.
Where'd you go? I'm here, I'm here.
I'm just It's just it's really late and Tony isn't home yet, and he didn't come home last night.
Well, he's dealing with his shit.
I know.
- His shit.
- I get it.
It's just, with Tony, I just want to fix it so badly just so we could feel like a family.
[object shatters.]
Jesus, Tony.
Sorry.
Shit, was this vase, like, a thing? No.
I have texted you a few times.
- Uh-huh.
- What are you doing? I mean, you've been late to work the last few days.
I hated that job.
Whatever.
You hated that job.
As in, you got fired again? Not equipped to talk to customers.
Or be a father.
Nope, not if you act like this.
I know this routine.
This is what's gonna put you back in jail.
Christ.
I saw some friends.
That's it.
No, I know you're hurting, and honestly, your reaction to all this? It is just proving Delia's point.
- Phoebe.
- No, he needs to hear this.
You need to hear this, Tony.
You're not ready to be a father.
You need to grow the hell up.
You need to figure your shit out, and maybe then, maybe then you can Maybe then what? Maybe then I can be well-adjusted and wonderful and happy like you? Just stop it.
We've had this conversation so many times.
It is a dead end.
Wow, nothing's changed here.
You say you have my back, but you still think you're better than me.
- That's not true.
- Screw you.
[melancholy music.]
I think it's adorable.
What year is this? Well, I loved 2014.
Take her for a spin.
- Yeah.
- Keys are in it.
- Great.
- Just leave me your keys There you go.
Come on back when you're done.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Wow.
- Wow what? Wow, the age of this car is faker than Breitbart.
I mean, you really want our kid to go to Pepperdine, don't you? No, I just want to do a nice thing.
Oh, come on.
You have an agenda.
Do you not want her to go to Emerson because it's far away or because Natalie went there? This has nothing to do with your very nice fiancée.
Or is it because I want her to go there? Because I got to say, I think the East Coast thing would be good.
I think she needs a little space.
It's a good thing.
Okay.
Shut up, Jake.
Try to have an open mind.
I'm driving.
Can't a guy hector his ex-wife anymore? No.
- [engine turns over.]
- Look at that.
Nice.
- So we went with Clerkenwell.
- Oh, I love it.
It's like the Venice of London, right? No, not quite, but there was an opening - for a vegan bakery there.
- Oh, that's great.
Well, a need really, and I know investors here so I thought I'd pop over, take some meetings.
Great.
I thought about calling, but after the way we left it Let's not get into it.
Please.
Come on.
I left, fleeing like a coward.
Shit.
So wow, look at you.
You're you're engaged.
- I am.
- God.
Kelly? - Uh, Kyla.
- Beautiful name.
- Yes.
- Kyla.
She tamed me.
And you back with Frumpkis.
No.
Well, no.
We're not exactly.
No? But I thought I saw you and him and Zooey.
Well, it's complicated.
There's a lot of history there, I know.
It's hard to run away from that.
Hmm.
You see what that light What is that? The car is on fire.
That's the light.
All right, I'm gonna pull this over.
- Oh, my God.
- Shit.
I'm not doing that.
It's just the car doing that.
Well, I just stop the car.
Stop the car.
Ugh! Don't say it.
It.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
I got a bar.
Jake, Jake, Jake! Jake, yell the number for AAA, I got a bar.
What is it? Yell it out.
Yell out the number for AAA.
Argh! Damn it.
I've lost it.
Shit, Jake.
Abby ow! God.
Will you just stop pretending to fix that thing? It's embarrassing.
Okay, let's not go down that marital rabbit hole 20 minutes into an emergency.
Just let me do my thing.
My father is waiting for us to pick him up from the nursing home because he would like to see his granddaughter graduate in three hours, which we're gonna miss.
I understand because you had to buy a shitty car so we could bribe our daughter to stay in L.
A.
Blaming now? Is that what we're doing? That's really helpful.
That is not what this is, and you didn't need to be here.
- Well, someone had to be here.
- Someone? What does that mean? It means someone's gonna have to drive the car back to L.
A.
- Mike isn't here.
- Well, Mike is not obligated to do everything that I need in my whole No, no.
There's some shit going on between you and Mike, so that's why he's not here.
There is nothing.
It's just whatever.
Men.
Uh-huh.
Men? - Yes, it's men.
- And kids? Men and women and kids! The whole thing.
Abby, there's something going on there.
Don't try to bullshit me, okay? I don't want to talk about it! I asked him to move out, okay? Mike is moving out, so - Well, Abby, I didn't know that.
- I actually don't want your pity, so we need to focus.
Lilly is graduating.
"Not good for you or me.
I'm out.
" - Well, out could mean - I'm never gonna see him again.
He just needs to cool off, okay? This'll be Phoebe, even if he's gone, you've done everything I lost it on him about the baby.
What do you mean? I told him that you were right, that he wasn't fit to be a father.
I got to go lie down.
Yeah.
Get some shuteye.
I'm sure he'll call you soon.
No, he's not gonna call me soon because he's not Frumpkis.
He's not gonna bounce back.
Phoebe, I - I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
Oh, God.
Did you see that look? She hates me.
You know what? She just needs to cool off.
- It's heightened emotions.
- No, and she should, because I'm the reason that Tony Delia, stop it.
You're not the reason.
Yeah, I am.
Exactly what Phoebe said would happen did, and now here we are, and Tony's probably gonna be dead in a ditch somewhere or robbing a bank or God knows, but he's gone, and I have his genetics and his felonious DNA just coalescing inside of me, creating a human being that I am going to be responsible for for the rest of my life.
- Delia, take a breath.
- God.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here, come here.
Sit down.
- Oh, God, damn it.
- You need to breathe.
It's just heightened emotions, my love.
I know.
- It's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
I wanted a baby, but not like this.
This is too much.
I can't do this.
- It's the hormones talking.
- And you can.
You got this, D, and we're here.
We know the ropes.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I have to go to an OB/GYN appointment in a couple hours, and I'm just gonna figure it out before then.
Figure out what? After everything, are you actually considering I don't know.
Okay, then, no, that's that is great.
No, just make sure Lilly doesn't worry and all right.
Thank you so much, babe.
I love you too.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey.
Natalie says not to worry.
Mike's going to get your dad.
She's gonna get the kids to graduation.
AAA is on their way.
- Natalie to the rescue.
- Indeed.
"Babe.
" All right, I'll let that one slide 'cause you're going through a breakup.
I'm not going through a breakup, technically.
That's vague, but What's that mean? What's the deal? It's just our living situation was not workable.
We confronted a very difficult situation, and we're gonna deal with it.
- Me and Mike.
- Oh, Mike and you are dealing with it? - Yeah.
- Oh, good.
- What? - Abby, I warned you about this very thing.
- I said - You warned me? Yes, I said you were going too fast.
No, you spewed some toxic whatever.
Yes, I did, and now Lilly and Charlie have to deal with the aftermath - because you were impulsive.
- Oh, really? Says the guy who's marrying somebody he's known for five minutes.
Let's not put it on me and Natalie, okay? She doesn't come with any of this kind of baggage.
- Yeah.
No bags, no sags.
- Oh, Jesus.
Is that why you're turning into a middle-aged cliché? Well, wait till you're a new daddy because then things are gonna get really real.
What are you talking about? We're not having a baby.
Yeah.
You are going to be 65 covered in spit-up, trust me.
I mean, why can't you just get old and die like everybody else? - Thanks.
- Instead you just need to rejuvenate yourself by By jizzing your old man sperm into this nubile forest creature.
You know what? I am not even 50, and you are obsessed with age.
You're inching up, Jake, and she's in her fertile years.
She's gonna be dying to have a baby.
Well, she's not dying to have a baby, and it's none of your business.
Like Mike and my situation? Not your business.
Okay, maybe not, but that doesn't mean you get to shit on me and Natalie because your personal life is a mess.
It's beneath you.
Stop.
I'm marrying Natalie because I love her, because I want to have a life with her.
- Ah-ah, can't hear you.
- Oh, my God.
Great.
What are you doing? Okay, could you not do that? You're making it worse.
What? It's dead.
How can you get worse than dead? When you pull the hose out and we die, and then it's worse! Well, back off because I'm fixing it, this piece of shit car - Yeah.
- That maybe maybe is a bribe because Lilly going to Boston is making me feel desperate.
- Oh! - She's leaving.
And screw me if, like, adding a guy that I love or adding two kids that I adore If that takes time away from Lilly or Charlie or makes them feel any less loved, then I'm not gonna have it.
Our marriage may have been a shit show, but we made her.
She is the best of us, and she's leaving, and it's I'm sorry.
Damn it, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
That's what happens.
They leave.
But I know.
I'm I feel the same thing.
You're, like, planning your next life.
My little girl has turned into a woman and she's leaving.
I'm a mess.
I get it.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm trying to poison your hopes for future happiness, 'cause I'm not.
In all honesty, being married to you for all of those years kind of did that.
Oh, thank you? What the No, I mean I mean, when we were good, we were really good.
Then we were bad, we were awful.
Really bad.
- [hissing.]
- Oh! Okay, ow! Well, you fixed that.
- We should've waited for AAA.
- Not waiting.
Sick of waiting.
We're gonna miss the graduation, Jake.
Hold on, hold on.
I'm connected with the driver, - and I have Damon - Oh, fast.
Damon in a Kia.
He'll be here in ten minutes.
Thank you, Damon.
Oh, my God.
Up here, up here.
- Yes.
- See? Got it.
All right, for what it's worth, I hope you and Mike figure it out.
He's a very hard guy to dislike, no matter how much I try.
Yeah.
It's not like us, you know? He doesn't add to my spin.
I don't add to his spin.
I thought we could go the distance.
You really don't think you can? Well, and make the living situation work? No.
We were so great.
I just thought we could, you know, co-exist and be parents side-by-side.
- Side-by-side but separate.
- Yes, but instead we each ended up with four kids, - and each kid with four parents.
- Oof.
Maybe I'm just not built for other people.
- Abby.
- No.
You're great, Mike is great.
Abby, don't do that to yourself.
No.
We just did a piece on how few women remarry, and it's big.
It's like you can have it all, work, life, kids, but you won't have anyone to trudge with.
We're literally trudging right now.
[warm music.]
So we snag people for the healthy crap, and then they stay for the butter.
Jo, this is, I mean, diabolical.
- But I'm impressed.
- Thanks, thanks.
Although that scone does look a little lean.
You want a bite? Eat your words.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'll pop one in.
- Go for it, mister.
- Hey.
- Hey, it's Scott.
- Yeah, you.
Hey, man.
Oh, you look well.
Yes.
Well, I am, very, and you're in town again.
Yeah, yeah.
Just for a few days, you know? [phone buzzing.]
What, are you kidding me with that? - Who's that? - What are you doing here? I thought maybe I'd come over and help you close up and then take you over to Lilly's party.
You were supposed to meet me there.
What, you gonna have a quickie with Albert? Or maybe you're gonna have a threesome - with this fob.
- Ahah, it's fop, and don't make me tackle you into a pastry again.
Just just let me, please.
Hi.
Hey, is it one of those weird extra Jewish holidays like the hut one? - [chuckles.]
- Roads are dead out there.
Google Maps say I can be at your place in under seven minutes if I speed.
Oh, now's not a really good time.
Understood.
Just wanted to hear your voice.
Yeah, back at you.
Hey, I know you share a lot with him from before, but I see who you are now.
Bet on us, Jo.
Bet on the better you.
- I got to go.
- Okay.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
- [overlapping arguing.]
- Hey.
Jo, I just I can't.
I can't do this anymore, okay? I mean, first, you got to tell me I got to stand around for this whole Albert thing, and now Zooey tells me you're hanging out with a sex addict.
Hey, listen, just because you're one doesn't make me an addict.
- Connoisseur, certainly.
- Who's Albert? He's engaged.
Jesus.
And why shouldn't you have to wait on me after everything you've put me through? It's the least you could do.
Jo, it's been, like, a month.
I mean, I'm going crazy.
- And congratulations, by the way.
- Yeah, thanks very much.
Listen, perhaps I better go 'cause, you know - Hey - I love you, Jo.
I love you.
I know.
I know.
I know.
- Jackie Neelon.
- [cheers and applause.]
Congratulations, Jackie.
Barnaby North.
[cheers and applause.]
That's right, bro! That's right! Yeah! - Yeah.
[whistling.]
- All right! Lilly Novak.
[cheers and applause.]
Lilly.
All right! Congratulations, Lilly.
Congratulations.
- Yeah.
- Lilly! Whoo! Lilly! - Hey! - We love you! Oh, my God! We love you so much.
- Yeah, we love you! - Love you! [both shouting.]
[Chemical Brothers' "Slow Me Down".]
Slipping away from me Slow me down It's getting away from me It's getting away from me It's getting away from me Smile.
Sometimes I need a light when the moon is low - So I decided on a school.
- Yeah? Mm-hmm.
Emerson.
Yeah, you sure? - Yeah.
- Wow.
Well, congrats.
It's an amazing school.
It is really far away, though.
- That was your choice for me.
- Oh, my God.
I knew it.
It's just kind of sinking in.
Congratulations.
I can't even I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
That is I'm gonna miss you.
I'm nervous.
- Yeah.
- But it's what you did.
I just have to go for it like you, right? You ready? Everybody's leaving.
Yeah.
You saved the day.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I don't know what else to say to make you understand.
No, I know.
No, I'm not sure you do.
I-I wish you would understand the difference between what it is that I realized I can do and what I wish I can do.
I just Let's just get through tonight, okay? We'll tell the kids tomorrow.
[exhales deeply.]
Oh, God.
Hey, you.
What are you doing here? Well, there's so much that's great about having delightfully nosy friends.
We tell each other everything.
Well, I, um, made a decision, and then I unmade it.
Just changes every moment.
I guess you have an opinion.
That changes every moment, but the thing is, it's not about me.
Shocker.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get there.
Well, he it would be related to you.
But doesn't give me the right to push you.
God, nothing's real until it is, you know? Tell me about it.
You think you have it all figured out and then I screw it up.
- My God.
- Look what I did with Tony.
Phoebe, I am so sorry about that.
No, I know.
I know you are, and so am I.
Maybe he wouldn't have stayed anyways.
I mean, maybe I'm just gonna mind my own business.
What if someone wants your opinion? - My opinion? - Yeah.
I would say that Delia Banai can do anything that she sets her mind to, and me and all the nosy ladies will be here no matter what to support you.
Okay.
Okay.
I think - Delia Banai? - Yeah, hi.
Yeah, hi.
I think I want you to come with me.
[indistinct conversation.]
Listen, about earlier, I just wanted to apologize.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Just shh.
No, no.
Jo.
Jo, you take all the time you need.
Mom, Dad, you look so serious.
Listen, I went by Amoeba earlier.
I got some great stuff.
"L.
A.
Story," "The Awful Truth.
" What about a movie night after this? Yeah.
We could microwave some kettle corn or I can't.
I have the sleepover with Kara and Henley, remember? Right.
Do it anyway.
Love you.
You and me, movie night? Kid said, "Do it anyway.
" Yeah, we'll, uh, play it by ear.
[wistful music.]
If you're trying to hide from me, these walls are very glass.
No, I just needed a moment.
Oh.
Should I leave you be, or We were building something, Barbara.
You and me.
If I had known you'd just jump ship at the next best thing that came along I'm not jumping.
I'm expanding.
You're leaving.
We launched this together.
We were gonna make this great together.
It is great.
It's amazing.
And at this point, you don't really need me.
Please don't tell me what I need.
I wanted to do this with you.
We just got the door open between us, and I like it.
Me too.
What we've done has blown my world wide open, and I'm so proud, but an opportunity like this doesn't come around often.
And I need to trust myself that I'm making the right move for me.
- I get that, I really do.
- Oh, there you guys are.
I just had a five-minute conversation with Natalie about the weather in Vancouver.
Shoot me.
Yeah, it's very, very wet, I hear.
- Wow.
- So any clarity, Ms.
Jo? In with the old, out with the new? Or I have no idea.
I think you do.
We usually know deep down, don't we? What we want.
- Yeah.
- Hey, ladies.
- Hi.
- Just in time, ladies.
- Oh.
- We're breaking down some major life decisions out here.
No, way too much.
No, no, no.
You've made enough decisions.
How did the appointment go? How are you? Hey, Abby.
Hello, witches of the west.
East? Which one's good? Um, ready? Let's get this thing going, okay? - You do the honors.
- Yeah, yeah.
Just give me two minutes.
Two minutes.
Two minutes.
You got it? Oh, it's so cute.
Witches of the west, nice.
- Beautiful.
- Oh, it's gorgeous.
That is gorgeous.
Ladies, okay, - as the presumed coven leader - Oh I have a few words to say on this momentous day.
- Here we go.
- [laughter.]
[sighs.]
No matter what, we are very, very lucky to have each other.
Amen.
Yes to that.
- Onward.
- Onward.
- Always.
- Onward always.
[laughter.]
Okay, I can't have more feels, - so you guys go inside.
- Sure.
Gladly.
I need another beverage.
- Distract Lilly.
- Yes.
I'll be out in just a couple of moments.
Hey [Wild Ones' "Heatwave".]
Ooh, ooh, again Ooh, ooh, heatwave Ooh, ooh, again Yay.
Thank you.
And no sugar.
Oh, I am sugaring today.
Yes, you are, as you should.
You know, Mom, I don't want to If it bothers you, I'm not gonna What? No, of course not.
Drink away.
I just personally, I feel better without it.
Oh, my God.
My Emerson grad.
- Mom - I love you.
- Give me a sip.
- Excuse me, Charlie.
Hands off.
- Mom.
- Yes? This is Sam.
Remember? I told you about Sam.
Sam, hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
There's no teenage drinking in this house by the way.
Okay, so what'd she say? - What'd I say about what? - Oh, whoops.
About Mark moving back with me.
That's fine, and you can stay in the guest house but not indefinitely.
Dad.
Dad, you want some cake? Oh, no, no, no.
Not for me.
Dina? Yes, I'll have a piece.
Thank you.
- Here you go, Shelly.
- It's a lovely party.
Thank you so much.
Okay, who wants cake? Hi, you guys.
I mean, but Florida? Come on, honey.
There are hurricanes.
That's where NASA wants to send me, Dad.
Mar-a-Lago is in Florida.
That's how bad it is.
- Whatever.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Gestational diabetes.
Hello? Two words.
Oh.
Hey, sorry.
Just making another pitch for your wedding cake.
Come on, lemon verbena.
- We're not we're not - No, we're eloping.
Someday.
- Oh.
- Sneak attack.
One day you're gonna get a little text and then boom, married.
- I'll wait for that, then.
- Remember when we used to have parties just to have parties? Now it's all kids and milestones.
Does this mean we don't have to go to your fund-raiser? Ha, ha, ha.
You're the one who convinced her to run.
That's right, don't you forget it.
Mommy.
Mommy.
Hi, baby.
Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
What do you want, baby? - I want cake.
- You want cake? But you already had cake.
Please? Okay, go have whatever you want, but go use a napkin, okay? You are gonna be such a tough judge.
Well, Tony has her tomorrow.
He can deal with the sugar-induced sleep deprivation.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Where's my niece? I want to squeeze her.
Oh, she's running around.
Find her, please.
- Yes.
- Oh, God, Anouk and Luco are traveling with their dad so Phoebe wants to touch every little kid that she sees.
Okay, that sounds really creepy.
I just miss them.
I know, I know.
Can somebody please eat cake? Because seriously, everyone's, like, gluten-free or egg-free or dairy-free or thank you.
- I never say no to cake.
- Thank you so much, Becca.
And you'll look good for it.
- Oh, my God.
Is that - Yes, it is.
- I love her show.
- I know, yes.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Late, yep, as usual, but looking fabulous.
Hello.
- So I got the proposal.
- Oh, yes.
It's exciting, right? Yeah, but if we sell LP, what does that mean for the launch of the new site? - Okay, well - You know what? Sorry.
Later.
You'll explain it.
Okay, yes.
Come in.
Come join the party.
Jake's solo? I thought he had a new girlfriend.
Oh, he's playing the field.
He has post-divorce, post-divorce, so he's self-medicating.
With pussy.
Take two pussies and call me in the morning.
[laughter.]
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm back.
- Hi.
- Had to go to my place.
Forgot the ice there.
You know, I'm sorry.
You didn't have to do that.
- Wife, it was my pleasure.
- Husband.
Now there's plenty of ice.
And I haven't heard from either of you on that thing.
Oh, about the on-camera thing.
Yes.
Married, separate domiciles? It's a big deal.
- Excuse me.
- Hey.
- How are you? - Good.
Good.
Toast time, maybe? Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Phoebe, will you grab me a water? Yes, yes, yes.
Coming in hot.
- Everybody! - Toast.
- Oh, my God.
- Look, there she is right now.
She's gonna cry.
[laughter.]
- Jake, do you want to - No, you got it, you got it.
Although shorter is better.
[laughter.]
Short, okay.
- To love.
- ALL: To love.
[Seeb's "What Do You Love".]
Work all day and you cry all night You ain't loving life, you say your hands are tied Oh, baby, what do you love? Just stand for something Or fall for anything Come out of the dark, into the light Whatever your fear is, it will be all right But tell me, what do you love? Tell me, what do you love? Come out of the dark, into the light Whatever your fear is, it will be all right But tell me, what do you love? What do you love? What do you love?