Girls5eva (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

Album Mode

1 In "Feel Good News," Girls5eva, the one-hit wonders best known for each having been engaged to Carson Daly, have reunited after decades apart and are hoping to become two-hit wonders.
After crashing the stage at Jingle Ball last month, one brand new label, Property Records, liked what they heard enough to give them a deal.
- Yes, finally.
- Oh, my gosh, we made the news! [ALL SQUEALING.]
Okay, we are officially in Album Mode.
We are four uncompromised vessels for genius.
Whoa-o-o-o ♪ [LAUGHS.]
You saw your thing then? - Yeah! - Yes.
- Okay, bye.
Whoa! Uh, sorry, sir, can you please drive us home? - My shift ended two hours ago.
- I live in the Poconos.
- I got it.
- [SIGHS.]
We were on TV! [ALL SQUEALING.]
ALL: Gonna be famous 5eva ♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪ It's too short ♪ Gonna be famous 3gether ♪ 'Cause that's 1 more than 2gether ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪ So what are you waiting 5? ♪ Girls5eva ♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I don't like these.
Buddy, foot health starts with a native foot splay.
Let's not be late to the label.
Bye, I love you.
Hudson's mom Cara wants to know if Max can do karate class on Tuesdays at 4:00? Uh, his ballerino class ends at 2:30, so yeah.
Dawn, Album Mode.
Our studio time doesn't start till next week.
#AlbumMode is a state of mind.
It started when our deal was announced and ends when I'm at the Met Gala in a catheter because my dress is too complicated.
I thought maybe you'd use the advance to rent a place, but guess not.
Well, we didn't get "eff you" money.
So until the backend rolls in, I'll live like every other hot person in Rome dressing like a billionaire, sleeping in a hovel.
- Rude.
We have an air fryer.
My God! I got into Raya! Really? I couldn't.
The dragon has hair and doesn't sing.
It's the secret dating app for celebrities.
I've applied 30 times.
It's already suggesting "Goldbergs" regular, Tim Meadows.
Do it.
Get back out there.
I haven't dated anyone since I got dumped by Cray.
- You should.
Not now, phone.
Album Mode.
I'm scouring TikTok for my new "The Excelsior.
" What do you think of this one? Honey, that's a tutorial for how to cut cake with a wineglass.
- Well, it's very hot.
- Water in glass bottles? - They love us here.
I know all the subtle signs, like I knew L.
Reid lost faith in my solo album when the chopper they flew me in started also doing traffic and weather.
- Sorry! - Oh! - Oh! - Hey! - Oh! - [LAUGHS.]
Oh, my goodness.
So much to do when you're launching a new thing.
Celebrity brand expansion is no joke, but that's our world now.
Rihanna's getting into the mattress space.
Reese is doing motorcycles.
Bobby Flay launched a line of eyebrow pencils for redheaded boys.
I mean, everyone's just doing whatever the fuck they want, so why not the Property Brothers, right? - [ALL LAUGHING AND CLAPPING.]
- Oh, we're such big fans.
We love their show and their country album.
They're my favorite set of [WESTERN ACCENT.]
We're just happy that this time we don't have a contract with a clause called "Acceptable Pubic Hairstyle.
" - Ugh, the '90s.
I was four.
So tonight's new talent showcase is gonna be super fun.
You'll meet the rest of Tate's slate, and then I'll show you all off to the big bosses.
The Property Brothers? A bunch of money and PR people at Property Inc.
The brothers are in Greece renovating everything.
It's so old.
So what are we singing? After you signed us, I wrote us an anthem about how we're feeling, and it goes We got ♪ ALL: We got, we got momentum ♪ Yeah, um, it's our moment ♪ Love! Ugh.
And I'm so happy you started writing because we need the album done in six weeks.
That that's fast.
The goal is to drop it when we launch the brothers' new line of scented hammers available exclusively at Kohl's.
- Ooh.
- Mm.
- Cedar Plank Salmon? - Bingo.
You guys good with that timeline? I know people over 30 tend to have other things in their lives.
February's a slow tooth month and my dad's antipsychotic is [KISSES.]
Kinda working.
I have a kid.
But she never talks to me, so I'm V avail.
And I have a job I can blow off literally any time.
My boss is forgive the expression a pussy.
With a tremendous work ethic I inherited from my father which turned out to be a smoke screen for his constant cheating, but by the time I found out, it was ingrained.
I love how you're all in.
When I saw you storm that stage, I was like, "What?" And then I was like, "Who?" And then I was like, "Okay!" [LAUGHTER.]
I love how you risk it all for what you want.
To Girls5eva! Wow! [ALL CHEERING.]
That cake said, "G5E.
" We're on cakes now.
The cake said, "G5E.
" - [LAUGHS.]
- Summer, are you okay? No.
Will you look at my skin? It's as flawless as a bulldog's belly.
And my bald spot from 30 years of extensions has started to fill in.
- That's great.
- Yeah, it's great.
Everything is just a little too great.
It has been over a month since I asked for a divorce, and God still hasn't punished me.
Stevia took it fine.
Kev's, like, coming up here to announce it our fans.
We got this album deal.
Like, what kind of sick thing is He setting me up for? Oh, my God, is it skin tags? - Will you look? - Summer.
Maybe things are going well because you're taking control of your life.
- I am? - You're growing.
You know, I'm only doing vocal fry now if I'm scared or I need something.
- That's huge.
- I know.
Stop worrying that the other shoe's gonna drop.
Thanks, Dawn.
You're such a good friend.
- What do you want? - Gum and a phone charger.
So when did you start singing together? Well, we knew we had beautiful faces.
But then we thought, what if we also had beautiful voices? And we did.
- Hey.
Dawn, they're ready for our run-through.
Those guys got discovered on TikTok doing push-ups to the audio of Reagan being shot.
Anyway, they seem cool.
I say we do a stripped-down version of "Momentum.
" Four stools.
One spotlight.
That way, we back-pocket the dance version for the album and blow minds.
- Wow.
One second.
Hi, hi.
I just got, like, five more emails from Cara.
Can Max do karate on Wednesdays? Jane's son has peanut reintroduction on Tuesdays.
- Dawn.
- Okay, love you, bye.
One of my gifts is noticing inefficient bullshit.
- Why don't they email Scott? - I don't know.
It's just a bunch of moms I barely know.
This chain is sexist.
Moms assuming other moms manage their kids' schedules? It's 2022.
Moms reserve the right to be terrible.
Thank you.
Yeah, like, why does this chick just automatically reach out to me? Vag.
This is a bias we have to examine as a society.
- Oh, my God, I'm so bored.
- Do it.
"Wednesday works.
Adding Scott in case there's anything else to hash out.
" - Ha ha! - [LAUGHS.]
This is how change happens.
Here we go, the boys of Collab.
ALL: Of course I'll wait till you're ready, girl ♪ - But like, how long though? ♪ - How long though? ♪ ALL: It's hot to go slow and steady, girl ♪ But like [MUFFLED SINGING.]
I mean, come on.
- My guys are hot, huh? - [ALL GROAN.]
You rep Collab, Larry? They live in my hype house.
Well, technically it's my mother's house, but she's too sick to leave her room.
Anyhoo, good luck out there tonight.
May the best man win.
Well well, it's not a competition.
I mean, we're all on the same label.
- Of course it's a competition.
- Property Records is brand new.
Every new thang casts a wide net.
But they only push the horse that's gonna put them on the map.
Those execs out there are trying to pick Property's horse.
Ignore him.
Mind games.
Remember, when Netflix started, right? It was all about "House of Cards.
" - Spacey innocent.
- Ugh! But that same year, they also dropped "Bad Samaritans" starring David Faustino it didn't even get a billboard.
I know because I had a bit part in it as "Picnic Freak.
" Yeah, we both know their horse'll probably be the country kid with a lisp because "inclusion" or whatever.
Is tonight a horse race? COLLAB: One month? That's cool ♪ [GASPS.]
That's the exact same face I make when I wear adventurous jeans.
Tate is judging people's reactions.
Well, then we shouldn't leave anything to the imagination.
Let's do the club version of "Momentum.
" [SIGHS.]
Please welcome Girls5eva! ALL: We got, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪ We got, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪ Momentum, yeah, um, it's our moment ♪ We're contenders ♪ But we can be tender ♪ ALL: Unstoppable, this unst, unst ♪ Ain't toppable - Toppable ♪ ALL: Courageous, don't care what our age is ♪ Intensity, we're tens in the city ♪ We're outstanding ♪ Ding, we stand out ♪ We got momentum ♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We're climbing higher ♪ Oh ♪ ALL: We got momentum, we got, we got ♪ Momentum - We got, we got ♪ - ALL: Yeah, we're on fire ♪ - Momentum! ♪ - ALL: We got, we got ♪ - Yeah, yeah! ♪ It's all right.
I'll give it back.
Momentum! Death drop! [YELPS.]
- [GASPS.]
- Oh, my God! Oh, God.
I did it.
Yeah! Oh, no.
Come on, giddyap.
Keep going! ALL: Storm the stage, momentum ♪ Broke the cage, momentum ♪ Turn the page, momentum ♪ Time to rage, momentum ♪ Took the wheel, momentum ♪ Stainless steel, momentum ♪ - Sign the deal, momentum ♪ - Sign the deal ♪ ALL: Guess it's real ♪ We got momentum, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪ Yeah, we're on fire, we got, we got ♪ We got, we got, we got momentum ♪ [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
Shit, I had too much momentum.
Ugh, I knew the other shoe was gonna drop.
You got my divorce smite maybe because, you know, you were the one that pushed me to ask for it, but still.
It should be me.
Here, Dawn.
Bash my knee! - Come on! - No.
- Ms.
McManus? - What do you do for a living? Lay railroad tracks? Are you in "Stomp"? - We're a girl group.
- Ah.
Well, your knees absorbed years of sustained damage.
You need a knee replacement.
- What? - No.
You can get a second opinion, but it will signal to me that you don't trust a female doctor.
- It's Tate.
Don't tell him.
- Hey, boy, hey.
- Where'd you guys go? What? We totally said bye.
You were drunk, bunny.
Well, you blew everyone away tonight so much so that our PR team wants to start the promo train now.
Instagram takeovers, charity concerts, cooking dog food with Rachael Ray just, like, a million things, so that by April, the world will be begging for your album.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
It's gonna be a ton more work but I know you're all in.
Okay, bye.
- God, we're Property's horse.
- They're betting on us.
Larry was right.
Shit! How long is the recovery for this? It's a major surgery.
12 weeks.
- Oh.
- 12 weeks? Well, that's a momentum murderer.
- Maybe Tate will understand.
- Yeah.
They have an April rollout.
They're not gonna want me to promote their label post-op from a Hannibal Lecter board.
Oh, hey, Hoda, I know you booked us to lead a hip-hop yoga class.
But what if instead, we just teach America how to drain an incision sight? I might watch that.
What would happen if I put it off? What do you use to prop up half-dead NFL players? Steroid injections, painkillers.
But you'd be in a lot of pain.
And your compensation patterns could lead to damage - in your surrounding joints.
- "Could lead.
" Not guaranteed though.
Okay, but, Gloria, is this the best thing for you? - Come on.
- We have all played through pain.
Summer, did you stop our Teen Choice duet with Lou Bega when you found out your snake was poisonous? No.
I am profesh.
And I definitely didn't let anyone know when my gallbladder exploded at our Live-to-VHS Christmas Special.
ALL: Oops, oh, no, Jesus' birthday's on Christmas ♪ Ho, ho, no - Ho, ho, no ♪ ALL: He gets an Xbox and hears it's for both ♪ [PASSIONATELY.]
Fall on your knees ♪ Oh, hear the angel voices ♪ [ORNAMENT SHATTERS.]
Night ♪ Divine! ♪ Sure, I can't digest fatty meats now, but you don't cut and run when you have George Wendt playing Santa.
George freaking Wendt! [NOTIFICATION CHIMING.]
Well, press starts tomorrow.
Tate just booked us on a "Spin Magazine" podcast.
- Come on! - Wait, wait, you guys.
Hold on.
Gloria, this is totally your call.
We are a group, and we will support your decision no matter what because we all believe in self-care.
- Absolutely.
- I'll allow it.
Doc, shoot me up.
I want steroids, stem cells, Impossible Burger.
Just give me a couple months.
'Cause we are in Album Mode! - Oh, honey.
Gloria, in solidarity, I too will play through pain.
Time to break a heart.
Wickie? Hello, Timothy.
I was so pumped you wanted to meet up so fast.
I was already in Midtown buying comics.
I got two Hulks and the original Cathy where she finally decides to kill herself.
Please, Timothy Meadows.
Obviously, I wanna cut ribbons at steakhouses with you, meet your boat, inspire your niece to go into fashion.
I wanna be there when a hurricane takes your childhood home because the tragedy brings us closer.
But I can't.
I cannot let you Yoko Girls5eva.
I am in Album Mode.
Wait, are you dumping me? Because we're strangers, miss.
I wrote, "Do you like comics?" And you wrote for me to meet you here.
I can see you're hurt.
And I'm hurt.
Because it is hard for me to be the one the one that got away.
So I guess I'll pay for your fish tower? [PHONE CHIMES.]
- Shit.
Sorry, sorry.
My phone just came off airplane mode.
I was sort of up.
I think I was weird during morning announcements.
I said "first and foremost" three times.
Hey, did you chime in on all these emails about buying the karate uniform? I didn't get any emails.
It didn't take.
Cara made a new thread and left you off.
- She did? - Oh, my God, your breath.
Yeah, sorry.
I smell it too.
I'm coming to drop-off tomorrow.
Album Mode.
- All right, love you, buddy.
- Bye! - Bye.
- The lychees have pits.
♪ That kid's scooter says Hudson.
- Wait, they all do.
- Hey, mamacita! Oh, hey, Cara.
I'm glad I ran into you, actually.
Um, so super small, but I'd love to add Scott to the karate emails.
Oh, yes.
I saw that.
First and foremost, Cara, with Dawn's girl group, I am the point person for Max.
And, uh, and and first and foremost Why do you only email the moms? - What? - You only email moms.
I do? So? Did you ever think about writing both partners and whoever knows their kid's deal writes back? Not really.
Why not? Oh, my God.
Am I sexist? I didn't think I was.
I mean, I have a sequined pillow of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
And yet, yeah, I thought, "I'll just reach out to the moms about karate.
" Why'd I do that? I don't know, Cara.
Do the work.
Maybe it's because I get put on so many mom emails, even though I'm a partner of a law firm and my husband is a painter.
Or maybe it's because, you know, moms just feel more comfortable reaching out to other moms.
Because what if the dad gets mad if I spam his inbox? And yet why don't I ever worry about bothering a woman? Or maybe, if I really think about it, there's a tiny, ugly corner of myself that worries if I get all the dads' emails I might try to fuck all the dads.
I think we need to embrace the unknown here, Cara.
Mara, we want all the dads' emails.
Those emails are private.
Oh, what am I doing? My tote bag says, "Modern Day Goddess.
" I'll do it.
Is Hazel finally gonna get invited to something? Thank God! - Have you heard from Gloria? - No, and I'm worried.
Last night, she couldn't even bend her knee.
I know.
When I drove her home, she had to ride backwards with it shoved into that hole meant for skis.
- Ugh.
- Hey! - Oh! - Hi! - Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
The injections murdered the inflammation.
- And then I took a Percocet.
- Ooh.
And then I swung by the office and threw a little novocaine in and I am all good.
Okay, as long as you're good, we're good.
But promise me you'll make the call if its ever too much.
Ooh, just use the codeword that we had for visible tampon string when we did MTV4's "The Grind's Spring Break Slam Palace.
♪ Jack Bauer.
♪ Obvs.
But I feel great.
- And I can get through a podcast.
- Ah! Look at us.
Four killers in Album Mode.
- BOTH: Yes! - And I did what had to be done.
Tim Meadows was heartbroken.
You met up with him to end it? To make it crystal clear that I cannot be involved because Album Mode all in, etcetera.
You just wanted to dump someone.
No, I didn't.
I love love.
Wickie? Wow, look at you.
You look even taller than your pictures.
Joey Sasso, winner of the reality show, "The Circle," it's over.
I'm in Album Mode.
- Ha.
- Fine.
I'm enjoying the control for once.
Just let me have this.
You shouldn't be allowed to use Raya like that, bro.
Oh, hey, it's Girls5eva.
Ah! Clear eyes, numb knee, can't lose.
Let's hit it.
♪ Oh, crap.
I dropped my lip stuff.
♪ Just bring it up with you.
Gloria, again, if it's too much, you say the word.
I told you, I'm good.
Come on, clomp, clomp.
- Come here.
Mwah! - Hi, hi.
- Hi.
- Mwah.
- Hi.
- Living with ease.
- Thank you.
Welcome to mile one of the Girls5eva press marathon! [IMITATES AIR HORN.]
I'm fun.
So this pod is legit, okay? This is where Miley first started smiling with tongue.
Okay? So just be fun, upbeat, drum up the hype.
Then we're gonna head Imagine a place in a mountainous forest ♪ A land full of wonder where all joints are fine ♪ [SWEEPING MUSIC.]
A beckoning paw leads the way to a clearing ♪ Get ready to run with your new reckless pride ♪ Pink-eyed rabbits charging on claws ♪ Eternally tender ♪ Pink-eyed rabbits charging on claws ♪ Eternally tender ♪ Pink-eyed rabbits charging on claws ♪ Eternally tender ♪ You're listening to "Pop Goes the Reasel with Nathan Reasel," a deep dive into pop music sponsored by "Spin Magazine.
" My guests today are mounting a comeback.
You may remember them as the first women to wear thong-thong-thong-thong-thongs to the White House.
Welcome, Girls5eva.
How you feeling today, ladies? - Blessed.
- Great.
- Amazing.
- God-like.
Now, I hear you are about to go back into the studio to record your first album since 2k01.
- Now is that accurate? - Absolutely, Nathan.
We start next week, and we're just super excited I like to eat burgers and look at the skyline.
Yes, and we're hungry to get back at it.
- Right, ladies? - Absolutely.
- Yum, yum.
Chomp, chomp.
We're the best band in the world, and anyone who says otherwise is jealous and senile and not getting enough fucking meat pies.
Why is Gloria acting all Liam Gallagher-cocky? Every time I look in the mirror, God looks back.
As I said, we are blessed.
Blessed with voices, voices that can Do a little something like this ♪ - Gloria, are you okay? - And do a little something ♪ - Like that ♪ - If you're not, say Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer.
Because we don't just smell good ♪ Ah, that's what I'm talking about.
Now, as a pop music anthropologist, I'm always fascinated by how groups stay together for a beat, so my question is, how goes Girls5eva keep it going? I think we're all just super committed.
We know what we want and we go for it.
Yes, and we're tough, Nathan.
Because in this business, you have to be, right? - That's true.
That's true.
- That's very true.
Toughness is admirable.
But I often wonder, is it the very act of being in a group that's part of what sustains an artist? That feeling of safety that comes from knowing that no matter what the music world throws at you, or how much it takes from you, you always have that handful of people that are looking out for you? Well, at least that's what Iron Maiden told me.
Would you all agree? George Harrison is a fucking nipple.
You are a pill.
Now are you the one that does the crazy move that your label rep was telling me about? Guilty.
Show him, Gloria.
I live for now.
She's gonna really hurt herself.
But we said she can stop if it's ever too much.
It's better from higher.
Think we only said that because we knew she wouldn't stop.
We need to stop her.
Jack Bauer! Get down.
- Oh.
- No! Yes.
Are y'all all right? No, we're not.
Nathan, sometimes, the hardest thing to do is enter human mode.
♪ Girls5eva needs to take a pause from our promotional blitz because one of us needs urgent medical treatment for a rampant sexual addiction, no further questions.
That'll at least get us into the "Daily Mail," come on.
- Go! Let's go.
- All right, thank you so much.
No problem.
Thank you for coming oh, you just gonna leave with my sunglasses, all right.
I'm telling you.
You could've ChapSticked me down all the way because I still can't feel a thing.
- The Uber's here.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you so much for understanding, Tate.
Of course.
Wellness first.
There's power in "no.
" Boundaries, I see you.
Just get the surg and feel bett'.
I'll see if we can pause the promo ramp.
People at the company respect me a ton, so I feel really good about it, okay? You're gonna wanna Nama-stay exactly where you are 'cause up next, it's "Hip-hop Yoga With Hoda.
" Joining me is the up and coming boy band, Collab.
- ALL: Hey! - And they are hot, hot, hot.
Well, we just have to make the most undeniable album of all time.
"Purple Rain," but now.
- How cute is this? - Aww! I'm so glad the group email's working.
- I haven't even checked in.
- Totally.
Well Cara fucked some dads? Yeah.
There's always hiccups with progress.
She just went in.
She's good.
I offered to be the knee donor, and she's like, "That's not how this works.
" And I'm like, "Okay, dentist.
" Okay, we'll be there when she wakes up.
Guys, I'm really proud of us.
We did empathy.
We sacrificed.
My debt with God is finally paid.
Oh, my God.
Is that a skin tag? What do you want from me, Lord? Dawn, I'll meet you there.
I have a stop to make now that I'm experimenting with human mode.
♪ Timothy.
- How'd you find me? - You geotagged your apartment.
I was rash and a little selfish.
I needed the ego boost that can only come from dumping another.
And I know the wound is still fresh, but I'm willing to pry open Album Mode just a bit.
Can we try again? We are and will remain strangers, miss.
Oh, and I met someone.
She's gonna meet my boat.
Raya works.
Good luck.
An adult man into comics is just stupid.
ALL: We got, we got ♪ We got, we got, we got - We got ♪ ALL: We got, we got ♪ Momentum, yeah, um, it's our moment ♪ Moment ♪ We're contenders but we can be tender ♪ Unstoppable, this unst, unst ♪ Ain't toppable - Toppable ♪ ALL: Courageous, don't care what our age is ♪ Intensity, we're tens in the city ♪ We're outstanding ♪ Ding, we stand out ♪ We got momentum - Momentum ♪ ALL: We're climbing higher ♪ Oh ♪ ALL: We got momentum, we got, we got ♪ - Momentum ♪ - ALL: We got, we got-we got ♪ Yeah, we're on fire - Momentum! ♪ ALL: We got, we got - Yeah, yeah! ♪ ♪ ALL: Storm the stage, momentum ♪ Broke the cage, momentum ♪ Turn the page, momentum ♪ Time to rage, momentum ♪ Took the wheel, momentum ♪ Stainless steel, momentum ♪ - Sign the deal, momentum ♪ - Sign the deal ♪ ALL: Guess it's real ♪ We got momentum, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪ Yeah, we're on fire - Momentum ♪ ALL: We got, we got, we got momentum ♪ - Good night, everybody.
- Good night.

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