Glee s03e21 Episode Script


u missed on Glee: The Glee Club started out as underdogs, singing show tunes in the choir room, and now they're headed to Chicago to compete for a national championship.
I mean, they made it to Nationals last year in New York, but they came in 12th.
It was sort of a nightmare.
Rachel's nightmare totally came true when she choked at her NYADA audition, and literally all she's talked about for three years is New York, Broadway, Streisand, Broadway.
Ugh! And that's what you missed on Glee.
(beeping) What's going on? How bad is it? Her temperature's 101 degrees.
Given the fact that Weezy's complaining about an upset stomach, it's either Amazonian dengue fever or the H1N1 super virus.
Or I have food poisoning.
We all wanted burritos for lunch, so we went to Chipotle, but Mercedes tried some dive called "Señora Salsation.
" Will, word, please.
With Monique down for the count, we are entering the Hunger Games of show choir competition without one of our most powerful voices.
We need to have a plan.
Because New Directions! doesn't win, that means you go back to being co-captains of the Cheerios! with Roz Washington.
Your sniping is as expository as it is wrong.
Yes, I have fantasized about handing that prize money to Principal Figgins so I could buy back my sole control of the Cheerios!, but my main concern right now is for these kids.
I want this one for them.
I just don't want everything we worked for to collapse because of one bad burrito.
So here's what's gonna happen: Mercedes, you're on bed rest, Quinn, you're stepping in.
No, no, no, I can't dance that number.
I can't sing it, either, not like The Trouble Tones need you.
And you're better than you think you are.
Tina, you, too.
You're in the Trouble Tones.
Shue, this is my last competition.
I don't want to miss it.
Amen, to that, sister.
That's why I'm putting you on a vitamin B-12 drip.
We're flushing your system with Pedialyte, and I'm gonna fill that bathtub with ice and see if we can't get your ambient body temperature back down to normal.
Worked in Jacob's Ladder.
All right, we all have our marching orders.
Let's do it.
You okay? What if we don't win? What's gonna happen with those kids? It's a competition.
They understand that everybody can't win.
But they never get to win.
School's almost over, forever for most of them.
Can you imagine what what it would be like for them to have just a couple of days walking the halls as champions? It's something they would carry around with them for the rest of their lives.
If you're gonna lead them to the promised land, you're gonna have to have an attitude adjustment.
(sighs) But, Will, they're ready.
You made 'em ready for three years.
But what if it wasn't enough? Will, you better come downstairs.
We got a problem.
(kids yelling) Hey, calm down! Hey, hey, calm down! Calm down! Fight, fight, fight! Hey, cool out! He's studying for geography while we're trying to rehearse! It's bogus! 'Cause I already know the dance! You dance like you got your feet caught in bear traps.
You're trying to gnaw them off.
Shue, are you aware that while we're arguing about jazz squares, Unique is being handed the key to the city by Rahm Emanuel? Really? And plus my pillow and my blanket fell into the pool.
Look, I think everybody is just a little tired.
We've been rehearsing for three straight hours.
Yeah, and we'll rehearse all night if we have to.
We can rest after we've won! Just because we've lost Mercedes doesn't mean we can be anything less than perfect.
Perfect! That's easy for you to say.
Okay, you know what? You know what? Hey! I don't want to hear any of this, "We can't do it without her," because guess what? We don't have a choice.
So be warned: if you are not giving this everything you've got, I will go all Lima Heights on your sorry asses.
Listen to yourselves.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I always go to the yelling place.
I have rage.
No, it's a good thing.
A great thing.
There is so much passion in this room Even all your arguing, it's about the work.
You guys really wanthis.
Okay, so let's take a half-hour break, and then we'll run it from the top.
Shue, is it okay if we keep going? We got the first slot, which is, like, the death slot.
We have to be amazing.
Yeah, "Edge of Glory's" a bitch.
I said I'd be dancing by nationals.
I'll be damned if I don't.
Okay, then let's keep going.
Mike, help the guys out with the choreography.
Artie, help Puck with his geography.
Ladies, "Edge of Glory.
" Come on.
Brittany, run us through it.
From the chorus? Yeah, from the chorus.
Let's do it.
Watch out.
We're gonna do it.
Ready? Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five You okay? six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four Keep up.
Looking for what's left of your dignity? Nice to see you, too, Jessie.
If I were you, I'd be spending more time fing on how you're gonna wrap up fourth place than looking for her.
There's no way in hell Carmen Tibideaux's coming here.
How do you know about Carmen? It's my business to know everything that goes on with my competition.
I'm always looking for that extra edge.
I hate to think you pull the same choke job up there today.
Look, I know exactly what you're doing right now, okay? We didn't date for that long, and I don't even know how much of it was actually real, but when you get nervous, you get mean and you get really pale, and then you start putting your hands through your hair like Danny Zuko.
Look, you have no idea the kind of pressure I'm under.
Last year, Vocal Adrenaline only lost for the first time in eight years.
If we lose again this year, that's it.
The dynasty is over.
The mystique and aura that we used to intimidate our opponents with will vanish.
I promised them that I would reboot the program.
I'll be humiliated.
You did help the program.
What you did with Unique was amazing.
It was a pretty inspired idea of mine.
It was actually Kurt's and Mercedes', but But I implemented it.
I don't know.
I just think these new rules are messing with my head; 33% of the numbers have to be vintage? What does that even mean? The only thing vintage about me is my Tyrone Powers haircut and my pager.
Are you forgetting who you are, Jesse, okay? Your Bohemian Rhapsody was, like, the benchmark performance of every show choir competition in the past ten years.
Most people don't realize I lost ten pounds during that performance.
You guys are gonna do great today.
Even though we're definitely gonna beat you.
Oh, cocky all of a sudden.
I like it.
Hey, everything okay? Yeah, everything's good.
I'm gonna go get ready.
It was very good to see you.
You, too.
Heard you two are getting married.
Good for you.
Good luck today.
You, too.
For me? Well, it's for the wedding.
For the Jewish part where you smash the glass.
It'ske, the climax of the wedding, right? Right before we kiss? Yeah, it's supposed to symbolize the fragility of life or the destruction of the temple or something like that.
It's very sweet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But whatever.
I wanted a piece of this town to be there.
This is the town where everything's gonna change.
We're gonna go from losers to National Champs.
Your optimism if very sexy.
Well, I'm so optimistic, I put my money where my mouth is.
You want to bet me that your dork club is gonna outdork all the other dork clubs in the country? You're so on.
Wait a minute.
That money was supposed to be for our honeymoon, okay? It was our money that we saved from babysitting and the tips you made at the tire shop! I'm gonna double it.
I'm gonna make it a thousand dollars.
That's, like, an extra two nights in Niagara Falls.
What if we lose? Not this time.
Carmen Tibideaux is coming, and we're gonna be perfect.
And then we're gonna get married, and I'm gonna smash this glass, and then we're gonna live happily ever after.
I love you.
All right, gather around, everyone! (kids cheer) I just want to say a few words before we go out there.
Hold on, Mr.
Hold on.
You've given us a lot of pep talks over the years, but remember, you told us once that, you know, a teacher's job is done when his students don't need him anymore? Okay.
Finn, the floor is yours.
Last night we all sat around in a circle after you went to bed and we told stories.
But then we went around the room, and everybody said what they wanted to win this thing for, and we all said the same thing: we want to win this for you.
And I know every year at school Figgins gives away the Teacher of the Year award.
But I don't think any of us have to wait to see how we feel about that.
You're, like, our Teacher of a Lifetime.
GIRL: Yeah.
Whoo! Yeah, definitely.
Thank you, Finn, all of you.
I love you guys so much.
(over P.
) New Directions, line up.
All right, that's it.
Show time.
Hands in, everyone.
Now I know you weren't planning on doing the show circle without me.
Weezy? You're alive! Yeah, thanks to Sue.
She's a miracle worker.
Oh, well, it's amazing what a little TLC, some cortisone and a witch doctor will do.
Thank God you're okay because that just means I'm not gonna fall on my face during that Trouble Tones number.
Oh, screw that.
This is our last time performing together.
You're doing it, and so you are you, Tina.
I'm not taking no for an answer.
Plus I have so many steroids going through my body right now, I may turn into the Incredible Hulk if you piss me off.
Okay, if we don't get out of this room soon, none of us will be performing.
Let's go! Go, Weezy! + Dick Butkus, I beg of you, chew your cud with your mouth closed.
I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Think how you'd feel if your entire teaching career were riding on this.
Okay? (sighs) I really wish we weren't going first.
The kids are right, it's the death slot.
Carmen Tibideaux isn't here, Mercedes still has a fever.
I don't know if Quinn Okay.
EMCEE (over P.
): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 48th annual National High School Show Choir Competition brought to you in part by Salozy-Edison Chevrolet, where you always save more money! Please give a warm Windy City welcome to our judges America's sweetheart, Lindsay Lohan! Hollywood gossip legend, Perez Hilton! And Democratic City Councilman representing the new North Side and the West Loop corridor, I remind you to please turn off all cell phones and pagers The holy trinity starting together ending together.
Just the way it should be.
(all giggle) Please welcome our first contestants, from William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio, the New Directions! (LadGaga's "The Edge of Glory" begins) There ain't a reason You and me should be alone tonight, yeah, baby Tonight, yeah, baby I got a reason that you should take me home tonight Huh, huh, huh, huh I need a man that thinks it's right But it's so wrong tonight, yeah, baby Tonight, yeah, baby Right on the limb It's where we know we both belong tonight Huh, huh It's hard to feel the rush To push the dangerous I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you Where we can both fall far in love Out on the edge Of glory Glory And I'm hanging on a moment Of truth I'm hanging on a moment of truth I'm on the edge Of glory Yeah And I'm hanging on a moment with you Hanging on a moment of truth I'm on the edge The edge, the edge The edge, the edge, the edge The edge I'm on the edge Of glory, yeah Of glory And I'm hanging on a moment with you With you, with you With you, with you, with you Yeah I'm the edge With you, with you, with you With you, with you Ah, yeah I'm on the edge with you.
(audience cheering, stomping) She didn't come.
FINN: Stop it.
Look at me.
This is your moment! Okay? Three years in the making.
Forget about everything else.
Take it.
(applause, whistling fades) (Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" begins) There were nights when the wind was so cold That my body froze in bed If I just listened to it Right outside the window Ah ah There were days when the sun Was so cruel That all the tears turned to dust And I just knew my eyes Were drying up forever Ah ah Forever I finished crying In the instant that you left And I can't remember where or when Or how And I banished every memory You and I had ever made But when you touch me like this And you hold me like that I just have to admit That it's all coming back to me It's all coming back It's all coming back to me now There were moments of gold And there were flashes of light There were nights of endless pleasure It was more than all your Laws allowed Baby, baby, baby When you touch me like this And when you hold me like that It was gone with the wind But it's all coming back to me I can barely recall But it's all coming back to me now.
(audience cheering, applauding) (Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" begins) Shah shah shah Shah shah shah Shah shah shah shah shah Well, I remember every little thing As if it happened only yesterday Parking by the lake And there was not another car in sight And never had a girl Looking any better than you did Ooh shah shah ooh shah shah And all the kids at school They were wishing they were me that night And now our bodies are oh so close and tight Ooh shah shah ooh shah shah It never felt so good It never felt so right Ooh shah shah shah ooh shah shah And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife Come on Hold tight Well, come on Hold tight Ah Though it's cold and lonely In the deep dark night I can see paradise By the dashboard light Though it's cold and lonely In the deep dark night In the deep dark night Paradise by the dashboard light We're gonna go all the way tonight We're gonna go all the way and tonight's the night We're gonna go all the way tonight We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night We're gonna go all the way tonight We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night We're gonna go all the way tonight We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night Stop right there Ah yeah I gotta know right now Before we go any further Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me your wife? Let me sleep on it Sleep on it Baby, baby, let me sleep on it Sleep on it Let me sleep on it I'll give you an answer in the morning I gotta know right now Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you, do you love me? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Do you, do you need me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me your wife? Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Let me sleep on it Will you love me forever? Let me sleep on it Oh, will you love me forever? Couldn't take it any longer Lord, I was crazed When the feeling came upon me like a tidal wave Started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave That I would love you to the end of time I swore I would love you till the end of time Ah ah ah So now I'm praying for the end of time To hurry up and arrive 'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you I don't think that I could really survive I'll never break my promise or forget my vow But God only knows what I can do right now I'm praying for the end of time That's all I can do All that I can do I'm praying for the end of time So I can end my time with you It was long ago and it was far away It never felt so good And it was so much better It never felt so right Than it is today And we were glowing like the metal Better than it is today It was so long ago And it was so much better than it is today Ai-yi-yi-yi It was long ago It never felt so good And it was far away It never felt so right And it was so much better than yesterday Felt so right Felt so good Paradise.
(cheering wildly) (whistles) + If you've come to mess with my head, don't worry, I'm not going out there.
We came to wish Unique luck and give her this flower Well, Unique has left the building.
Try as I might, I can't conjure her.
Wait, this is just stage fright.
Think of the last time you performed as Unique.
You were smash.
That was different.
Nobody knew Unique.
I didn't have to be any one other than the one I truly was.
Now everyone is coming for me.
Jesse, the rest of my team, I can't take the pressure.
All I All I ever wanted to do, was wear a dress and sing.
And now I'm a poster to every child that's different.
I can't handle it I just can't handle it.
You may not be able to handle it, but maybe Unique can.
You gotta move through that fear and expectation.
At least that's what real stars do.
-Aren;t we supposed to be enemies? -Yeah, but that's not how we roll in the New Directions.
Not, really our style.
Alright, let me get ready.
Which lipstick? Ruby red or sugar rose? MERCEDES: Good luck.
Break a heel.
I'll tell you what.
Unique might need to transfer schools next year.
ANNOUNCER: Please welcome to the stage from Carmel High in Akron, Ohio, Vocal Adrenaline! (Nicki Minaj's "Starships" begins) Let's go to the beach, each Let's go get away They say what they gonna say Have a drink, clink, found the Bud Light Bad girls like me is hard to come by The Patron, on, let's go get it on The zone, on, yes, I'm in the zone Is it two, three? Leave a good tip I'mma blow off my money And don't give two cents, whoo! I'm on the floor, floor I love to dance So give me more, more Till I can't stand Get on the floor, floor Like it's your last chance If you want more, more Then here I am Starships were meant to fly Hands up And touch the sky Can't stop 'Cause we're so high Let's do this One more time Starships Were meant to fly Hands up And touch the sky Let's do this One last time Can't stop Higher than any other Oh, oh Oh, oh Higher than any other Oh, oh Oh, oh Higher than any other Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky Can't stop 'cause we're so high Let's do this one more time Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky Let's do this one last time Can't stop Higher than any other Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh-oh, oh-oh Higher than any other Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh-oh, oh-oh Higher than any other.
(applause and cheering) (Elton John's "Pinball Wizard" begins") (tempo builds) Ever since I was a young boy I played the silver ball From Soho down to Brighton I must have played them all But I ain't seen nothing like him in any amusement hall That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball He's a pinball wizard, there has to be a twist A pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist How do you think he does it? I don't know What makes him so good? Well, he ain't got no distractions Can't hear no buzzes and bells Don't see lights a-flashing He plays by sense of smell Always has a replay and never tilts at all That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball He's a pinball wizard There has to be a twist A pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist He's a pinball wizard He's scored a trillion more A pinball wizard The world's new pinball lord He's scoring more He's scoring more More, more, more, more I thought I was the Bally table king But I just handed my pinball crown to him To him To him Yeah-ah-ah-ah! (song ends) (cheering wildly) + I have a confession to make.
I am a show choir junkie.
Some people follow football; some people follow the NCAA basketball tournament; some people follow the daily goings-on in the life of their wife and children.
Not me.
I follow competitive high school show choir.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, my God! Seriously? Did you blog just about me during that performance? You're welcome.
It's already got over three million hits.
And secondly, if you don't love show choir, then what exactly are you doing here, Lindsay Lohan? If you have to ask why a 12-time Teen Choice Award nominee is a celebrity judge, then you don't really understand what the word celebrity means.
I was robbed for Freaky Friday.
And I'm here, Perez, because I care about young artists chasing their impossible dreams.
I know them.
I feel them.
I was them.
So, I'm here to support them unconditionally.
(yawning) Let's get down to business.
We need to narrow our choices down to the top three.
I, for one, was really moved by the Scale Blazers' haunting medley homage to Starlight Express.
Starlight Express You must confess Are you real? Yes or no? You know who I was really impressed with? The New Directions.
They had so much energy.
It was awesome.
Oh, but gosh, last year in New York, they choked.
They didn't even crack the top ten.
I liked them, but they weren't the best singers and dancers.
They are likable.
And is there anything better than someone making a comeback? (wry chuckle) Please.
The New Directions were horrible.
Jim Steinman should never be allowed to write another song again.
I'm for Vocal Adrenaline all the way.
I think that Unique kid is a star.
He's like Tina and Ike Turner Together.
Just imagine how much it would mean to those poor unfortunate outcast kids to see him/her on national television leading his/her team to victory! This isn't televised.
What? This thing isn't even televised? I am in full imagery- rendering mood, people.
I show up here and there's not even a red button to push? And a chair that can spin me around? Or I can then point at a kid onstage and yell, "I would work with you!" Really? I'm seriously firing my manager.
Can I use that as an exclusive? Absolutely not.
This is serious.
These are kids' dreams on the line out there.
Do you know what it looks like when a kid's show choir dreams are disrespected? Mm-hmm.
This is what it looks like, and it really hurts.
(groans) We need to vote now.
I need to get back to my computer ASAP.
The Duggars are pregnant again.
Fine by me.
I know who I'm voting for.
What about you, Fonger? ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, five minutes to our award ceremony.
Please return to your seats.
Excuse me, Ms.
I'm Jesse St.
James, the coach of Vocal Adrenaline.
I I auditioned for you two years ago.
You said I showed promise.
And you probably did.
I see hundreds of people every day.
Good day to you.
No, I'm not here for me.
I heard that you came here today to see Rachel Berry.
And there's something you need to know about her.
Rachel's the most talented person I've ever met.
Bar none.
If anyone's gonna be a star someday, it's her.
She'll make an excellent contribution to NYADA.
You won't regret it, I promise.
Anyway, thanks for your time.
Giants in the Sky.
You did "Giants in the Sky" from Into the Woods.
You ran into obstacles with your breath work, and your diction wasn't crisp enough to handle what is arguably Sondheim's most challenging work.
But your passion and your vocal range were admirable, Good luck to you.
ANNOUNCER: And now it's time to announce the winner of this year's individual show choir MVP award.
From Vocal Arednaline, Carmel High's Wade "Unique" Adams! (applause and cheering) (whistling) And now a round of applause to your top three finalists for this year's National Show Choir Championship.
In third place all the way from Oregon the Portland Scale Blazers! (applause) And now, ladies and gentlemen, quiet, please.
Congratulations to both teams standing with us onstage.
But not it's time to announce a winner.
The 2012 National Show Choir Champions from McKinley High in Limo, Ohio, The New Directions.
(wild applause and cheering) + (bell ringing) (cheering) (whooping) (applause) (Grouplove's "Tongue Tied" begins) Take me to your best friend's house Going around this runabout Oh, yeah Take me to your best friend's house I loved you then and I love you now Oh, yeah Don't take me tongue-tied Don't wave no good-bye Don't Break One, two, three, four Don't leave me tongue-tied Let's stay up all night I'll get real high Slumber party; pillow fight My eyes and your eyes Like Peter Pan up in the sky My best friend's house tonight Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye Don't take me tongue-tied Hey.
Don't wave no good-bye Don't take me tongue-tied Don't kiss me good night Don't Take me to your best friend's house Going around this roundabout Oh, yeah Oh, take me to your best friend's house I loved you then and I love you now Don't leave me tongue-tied Don't wave no good-bye Don't leave me tongue-tied Don't Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh.
(school bell rings) What could Figgins want with us? Maybe we're getting a key to the city.
FIGGINS: Prom royalty Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry.
Take a seat, as I only have a few moments before I must chastise the cafeteria cooks for selling our frozen vegetables on the black market.
As co-captains of the nationally victorious New Directions! singing group, please accept these official William McKinley High School bumper stickers and miniature pom-poms.
Oh, cool.
And though I don't condone youngsters getting married, and I wish that everyone would wait until they were at least 29 years old, with solid employment and a 401k retirement plan, here's a little something for your impending wedding celebration.
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
And there is one more item on the agenda: McKinley is having a very special event tomorrow, and I am requesting that New Directions! singing group perform.
Yeah, we'd love to.
What kind of special event? Can you keep a secret? + FIGGINS: And now the award you've all been waiting for: Teacher of the Year.
To announce the winner, please welcome to the stage so-called Finchel.
(applause, whooping) FINN: Hi.
The 2012 William McKinley High School Teacher of the Year Award goes to Mr.
Will Schuester! Yeah! (cheering) Way to go, buddy.
Wait, just, uh before you come up to accept the award, we just wanted to say a few things.
Uh Three years ago, I thought I had it all.
I was the quarterback of the football team, I was dating the head cheerleader.
And then I met you, Mr.
Shue, and I realized everything I was missing.
There's a lot of great teachers at this school, who teach their students a lot of important stuff, like how to drive and-and fractions but you teach your students how to dream.
As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing more important than that.
Shue when I first met you, I was just an annoying Jewish girl with two gay dads and a very big dream.
Today I still have two dads, and I'm still Jewish, and I'm probably just as annoying, but I stand before you headed to New York City come hell or high water and, um, I can honestly say that I couldn't have done it without you, and I will carry you every step of the way, so Congratulations.
Um no one deserves this more than you.
We love you and (sniffles): this is for you.
(applause) (Queen's "We Are the Champions" begins) I've paid my dues Time after time I've done my sentence But committed no crime And bad mistakes I've made a few I've had my share of sand kicked in my face But I've come through And we mean to go on and on and on and on We are the champions, my friends And we'll keep on fighting till the end We are the champions We are the ampions No time for losers 'Cause we are the champions Of the world I've taken my bows And my curtain calls You brought me fame and fortune And everything that goes with it I thank you all But it's been no bed of roses No pleasure cruise I consider it a challenge Before the whole human race And I ain't gonna lose And we mean to go on and on and on and on We are the champions, my friends And we'll keep on fighting till the end We are the champions We are the champions No time for losers 'Cause we are the champions Of the world We are the champions Champions.

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