Glee s04e01 Episode Script

4ARC01 - The New Rachel

All right, kids; Show me what you got.
Ready? Five, six, seven, eight.
Welcome to NYADA.
This is Dance 101, my name's Cassandra July, and if you are not suffering from severe body dysmorphia, then you don't want it enough.
Let's get this straight, freshmen: There's maybe two of you in this room that are good enough to make it in this business.
As for the rest of you, thank you for paying my rent on my loft in SoHo.
What's your name? Uh, Lydia.
No, no, your name's Muffin Top, and from now on, it's rice cakes and ipecac.
Or cut off a butt cheek, 'cause you need to drop a few.
Hold it.
I'm sorry.
Did my conversation with Muffin Top offend you? - No.
- Hmm? What's your name? - Rachel.
- Little Miss - David Schwimmer? - Little Miss David Schwimmer.
I bet you were a big star back in Iowa.
- I'm actually from Ohio.
- Ohio.
That's even worse.
You ever look at a map? Ohio is like a giant turd that Michigan just can't pinch off.
So did you come all the way to New York City to show me how to run my class? - No, I I came to learn.
- Okay.
Lesson number one: Your piqué turns are pathetic, and your stuck-up little attitude's really pissing me off.
Music! All right, let's go! Energy in your fingers.
Into the ground.
Higher! Higher, higher! - Come on! - I don't need any help.
No, no, sweetie, I'm not coming down here to help you.
I'm coming down here to give you a big New York City welcome.
You suck.
What's up, blogosphere? Jacob Ben Israel here, back on the street with an exclusive look at McKinley's newest celebrities, the New Directions! Artie Abrams, lunch room sources tell me you've been seen sitting with Cheerios! Well, I'm usually sitting.
But, yes, and I can tell you it is great to finally be popular.
National champs, baby! Whoo! Sam Evans: from hobo stripper to glee club celebrity.
- How does it feel? - Awesome, and about time.
I never thought I'd have a freshman for a personal assistant.
This isn't organic.
"C You Next Tina.
" Do Taylor Lautner again.
Bella, I love you.
And I am a werewolf.
Is it true you broke up with Mike Chang a week after tattooing "Mike Chang 4ever" on your hip because the long-distance thing was too hard? Um okay.
I still love him, and we're still friends, and I changed the tattoo to "Make Change 4ever.
" Change is good.
They said Rachel Berry was the group's undisputed star, so, really, the only question is: Which one of you is the new Rachel? - I am.
- I am.
- I am.
It's nice to know I'm missed.
New York can make a girl feel lonely.
I miss my dads.
I miss Finn.
I haven't heard from him in two months.
Maybe he's just trying to give me the space I need to make it on my own.
Surrender, right? I'm sure that's it.
My roommate seems nice.
Well, I haven't officially met her.
She's usually busy with company, but she sounds nice.
I just wish Kurt had gotten into NYADA with me.
The co-ed bathrooms take some getting used to.
I got tired of everyone's opinion of my extensive nighttime ritual, so I started showering at 3:00 in the morning when no one else is around.
Sister Christian, oh, the time has come And you know that you're the only one To say okay Where you goin'? What you lookin' for? Oh, those boys don't want to play No more with you You're motoring What's your price for flight? Hey.
You're a freshman, right? Yeah, I'm Rachel Berry.
I'm majoring in musical theater.
Me, too.
Brody Weston.
- I'm a junior.
- Hi.
Well, you survived your first class with Cassie, so you must be good.
- Is she, uh, always that awful? - Yeah, she's tough.
But I wouldn't have gotten that chorus gig in the revival of Working last summer if she didn't push me so hard.
You were on Broadway? Steel Worker Number Three.
Show lasted for, like, three performances, but still I like to come in here at night, too.
People give me a hard time about my moisturizing ritual.
- Me, too.
- We're actors, right? Our skin is like our paintbrush and our canvas.
Actually, I'm not really sleeping much, lately.
Not a lot of city noise in Lima, Ohio.
I just think everything takes a little getting used to, but yeah.
You'll be fine.
Just remember, you're here because you're the best of the best.
Start believing that.
Oh, and, in case you were wondering which you were I'm straight.
So he was wearing a towel that was barely covering his tinkletube, and he's straight? Hot.
Do you like him? No, you know I'll always love Finn.
Oh, and I love you, I miss you like crazy, Oh, is that why you're calling me every three hours? Well, I just want to make sure that you're okay.
I'm great, I love it here.
My dance teacher worships me.
But how are you? Are you okay? - I'm keeping busy.
- Where are you right now? I just passed Mrs.
Hagberg's old classroom.
Figured I'd stop by McKinley and meet their newest addition.
Porcelain, this is my daughter Robin.
I've loved the name ever since I was a little girl.
It recalls hope, and springtime, and my favorite dead Bee Gee.
Oh, she's the love of my life.
And I'm so so devoted to her.
Kitty! Get in here.
Yes, Coach Sylvester? I need you to change Robin's diaper, and then sing her a lullaby.
Preferably something not yet butchered by the glee club.
Good luck finding one.
Porcelain, this is Kitty.
Kitty is my new head bitch.
She's like a young Quinn Fabray, except she's not pregnant, manic-depressive, or in and out of a wheelchair.
Shouldn't you be in college or something? I thought gay people were all successful overachievers.
- I am a successful - Oh, don't pay attention to what Kitty thinks, Even if it's exactly what the rest of the world thinks.
I'm actually very proud of you, Twinkletush.
You're a real trailblazer.
You know, it used to be that just straight ex-football players would lurk the halls of high schools after graduation, but you've proven that gay ex-show choir champs can also be depressive sad sacks desperately clinging to the past.
I'm not a sad sack, okay? My classes at Allen County Community College start next week I'm sorry, I tuned out the moment you opened your mouth.
Keep living the dream, Porcelain.
Glee! We are coming off of a National Championship, but it's time to look forward, And thanks to Glee now being the coolest club in the school, - Whoo! - Right on.
This shouldn't be a problem.
All right.
Yes, we've lost some big voices.
But we still have some huge ones in here.
And I promise to do everything I can to replace the ones that we lost.
And on that note, I'd like to introduce you to our newest member: The MVP of last year's nationals, Wade "Unique" Adams.
That's a great haircut, Mercedes.
I thought you graduated.
I wanted to be somewhere where different was celebrated.
We are so excited to have you.
Guys where's the love? I think Wade is great, but the competition to be the new Rachel is already so intense, - the last thing that we need is one more contender.
- "The New Rachel"? Every glee club needs a star performer.
Rachel was that, and now that she's gone, many of us want the job.
Okay, we don't win with stars.
We win as a team.
One that supports new members.
Now, I don't want to hear any more of this this "New Rachel" stuff, okay? Have a seat, Wade.
Make no mistake: Unique will be the new Rachel.
We decide this on our own, then Thunderdome style.
So, here are the rules: We perform the song for Artie, he makes his choice, we go to Mr.
Shue as a group, and we tell him who the new lead soloist is.
Hopefully, it'll be me, 'cause that's what Rachel wanted.
Though I am uncomfortable doing this behind Mr.
Shue's back, I am a director.
Therefore, I never pass up on an opportunity to judge people.
What song are we singing? What Rachel would sing, if she were here.
The song of the summer, "Call Me Maybe.
" - Yes.
- Do you need time to prepare? I can sing any song, any time.
Just press play, and get back.
I threw a wish in a well Don't ask me, I'll never tell I looked to you as it fell And now you're in my way I'd trade my soul for a wish Pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this But now you're in my way Your stare was holding Ripped jeans, skin was showing Hot night, wind was blowing Where you think you're going, baby? Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But here's my number So call me, maybe It's hard to look right At you baby But here's my number So call me, maybe Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But here's my number So call me, maybe And all the other boys Try to chase me Well, here's my number So call me, maybe Before you came into my life I missed you so bad I missed you so bad I missed you so, so bad Before you came into my life I missed you so bad And you should know that I missed you so, so bad - It's hard to look right - Hard to look right - At you baby - At you baby But here's my number So call me, maybe Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But here's my number - So call me, maybe - Call me - Before you came into my life - Before you came into my life - I missed you so bad - I missed you so bad - So bad - I missed you so, so bad So call me, maybe? So, Artie who's the new Rachel? So, how's Santana? She's good; she's just really busy with cheerleading practice and it's hard making out over Skype.
You can't really scissor a Webcam.
Here's an extra hot soy latte for him and a no-chocolate for her.
I can't wait till Friday.
Why? Glee Club auditions.
That sounds like fun.
Pretty nice.
Is it depressing that I'm more excited about it than either of you? - Yeah.
- No, not at all.
Just a little bit.
- No, it's - Excuse me.
Garcon? My ice latte's too cold.
It's an iced latte.
It's an iced latte that's too cold.
I'm gonna need you to make me a new one.
- Hello? - Hey, Kurt, you got to refill the biscotti Barrel every 15 minutes.
I'll be right back with your latte.
- Uh, Miss July? - Yeah? I, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but I can't be your TA this year.
I start Wicked rehearsals tomorrow.
I'm just playing a flying monkey, but still Oh, stop it.
Does it matter? It's your first Broadway show.
You'll never forget it.
I was 17, I was a dancing spoon.
Well, the casting director said it's the recommendation you gave me that really put me over the top, so thank you for everything.
Oh! I'm so proud of you, Benjie.
Thank you.
I should go.
I have to get fitted for my monkey legs.
You had enough time, so who is it? You can't rush the casting process.
My genius needs it's dream time.
You guys are the Glee Club, right? Hi.
I'm gonna try out.
I'm a sophomore.
My name is Marley.
Okay, well, lots of competition, so good luck to you.
Unique offers her greetings and salutations.
Wade, you can't wear that makeup and stuff in here.
You have to understand how this stuff works.
It's like Game of Thrones.
Yeah, the peace between us and the truly popular kids is weak winter is coming.
It's not gonna take much for us to get smacked down to the bottom again.
Maybe you should just save Unique for performances and be Wade the rest of the time, hmm? All right I'll go take off my face.
- Hey, glee people.
- Hey, Kitty.
Hey, you guys see the new lunch lady? She's so fat, they took a picture of her last Christmas.
Still printing.
Hey, she has to wear a watch on both wrists because she covers two time zones.
Maybe she has, like, a medical condition or she swallowed somebody with a medical condition.
Right, Artie? When she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
Attaboy! Hey, you ready to go? Hey.
I thought that you could wear this to your glee audition.
Well, even if they think it's secondhand, the tag will say high-class secondhand.
It's high school; It's all about being special.
But the right kind of special, not Goodwill clothes, daughter-of-the-lunch- lady special.
You really think I have a chance of getting into Glee Club? You have magic in your throat, Marley.
It's time to share it with the world.
I'm going to drive the car a couple blocks away, and I will wait for you there.
I don't want to risk anyone seeing you get in the car with me.
Mm-wah! God almighty, Schwimmer, possible you're getting worse? I've been practicing a lot.
I've just had a little bit of a rough week.
Aw, you tired? You lonely? You homesick? Well, you better decide how badly you want it 'cause this school is filled with people who will do whatever necessary to make it in this business.
Why are you picking on me? I'm not! I'm motivating you! What's your problem now? There's just alcohol on your breath.
It's Listerine.
Let me tell you something.
I may not be a wide-eyed ingenue anymore, but I can still dance circles around any of you.
I met a girl in East L.
In floral shorts as sweet as May She sang in eights in two barrio chords We fell in love, but not in court Ah-ah-ah-ah, America Mis canciones son de la revolución Mi corazón me duele por mi generación If you love me, we can marry on the West Coast On a Wednesday en el verano en agosto I want to dance and love And dance again I want to dance and love And dance again, ah-ah-ah-ah America, Americano Ah-ah-ah-ah America Americano If this would be a perfect world We'd be together then Let's do it, do it, do it Only got just one life, this I've learned - Who cares what they're gonna say? - Let's do it, do it, do it I want to dance and love And dance again I want to dance and love And dance again Ah-ah-ah-ah America Americano - I want to dance - Ah-ah-ah-ah America, Americano I want to dance - Ah-ah-ah-ah - Oh, oh, oh America, Americano - I want to dance - Ah-ah-ah-ah America, Americano I want to dance! You're not just on my list, Schwimmer, you are my list.
Class dismissed.
Okay, let's get started.
Remember, guys, we're looking for superstars.
I'm Stoner Brett.
This is Buster's "Gettin' Hot.
" This is gettin' hot, this is gettin' hot Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind Sipping on a 40 while I'm pushing on the dime Feel the pain, the game Yeah, Lil' Wayne, Lil' Wayne.
De'wanda Umber.
Are there words to this? She gotta go.
Hello, sir.
What's your name? Jake.
Got a last name, Jake? Uh, just Jake.
Okay, well, show us what you got "Just Jake.
" Some things we don't talk about Rather do without Just hold the smile He's so sexy.
No, he's not.
Yes, he is.
Ashamed and proud of Together all the while You can never say never While we don't know when Time and time again Younger now than we were before Don't let me go Don't let me go Don't let me go Don't I don't get to finish? We got a lot of people to see.
But I've been practicing.
We've seen enough.
Thank you.
That's rude and unacceptable.
Kurt, I'll handle this.
Jake, come on, man, why don't you pick up the music stand? Next! Returning students, welcome back.
New students, welcome to the round room.
The acoustics are perfect and there are no corners.
Which means there is nowhere to hide in here.
First-year students will have the opportunity to sing publicly twice.
The first time today, the Debut.
Also known as the "Freshman reaping.
" The second, the Winter Showcase at the end of the semester if you are invited.
Shall we begin? Beatrice McClaine.
My name is Beatrice McClaine and I'll be singing "Ave Maria" written by Franz Schubert.
Ave Maria I'm gonna stop you there.
When I accepted you at NYADA, what did I tell you you needed to do? You needed to practice all summer long.
- I did.
- You did not.
I think you need to practice a little bit more and reapply in December.
Did she just get cut? It happens.
Rachel Berry.
Impress me.
I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing "New York State of Mind," written by Billy Joel.
Popularized by one Miss Barbra Streisand.
Some folks like to get away For a holiday from the neighborhood Hop a flight to Miami Beach Or to Hollywood Ooh But I'm taking a Greyhound On the Hudson River line I'm in a New York state of mind Ooh It was so easy Living day by day Out of touch With the rhythm and the blues But now I need A little give-and-take The New York Times The Daily News Oh It comes down to reality And it's fine with me 'Cause I let it slide Don't care if it's Chinatown Or on Riverside Ooh I don't have any reasons I left them all behind I'm in a New York state of Mind Oh I'm just taking a Greyhound On the Hudson River line Line 'Cause I'm in I'm in a New York State Of Mind - Ooh - Oh New York State of mind.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, that's what I call star quality.
What do you guys think? - Ten.
- It was good.
What's this? I'm organizing all the sheet music.
Artie, go around it, not over it.
Thanks, Dottie.
You're dismissed for the day.
This is for you and no, it's not a bribe, because we all know Rachel told me herself that I'm the new Rachel.
MVP in the house.
Bro, I thought we agreed you'd only wear that stuff onstage.
What's wrong with you guys? This club is about diversity and acceptance.
Or at least it used to be.
And another thing since when did everyone become so obsessed with who's the biggest star? Since day one you and Rachel fought over solos for three years.
No more stalling, Artie.
Who's the new Rachel? Tell us.
After meticulous deliberation and an online poll, the new Rachel is Blaine.
- How? - Brittany, you were a close second.
- I came in third? - Let's not worry about third or fourth place.
And we don't need to talk about this, either.
Why do you hate strong black women for? Guys, this young lady gave hands-down one of the best auditions I have ever seen.
Let's give it up for our newest member, Marley Rose.
Marley, on behalf of all of New Directions!, welcome.
Thank you.
I'm really excited to be here.
I really like your sweater.
Where'd you get it? Oh.
Um, J.
Really? The only new member out of all those people? It wasn't that many.
Okay, it was awesome! Hearing them cheer for me, accept me.
And that Rachel Berry everybody talks about rode that glee club train right to Broadway.
Well, I don't want to be on Broadway, though.
I want to be a singer on the radio.
Well, then let the glee club help you get there.
For now, the important thing is you found someplace you belong.
There's one problem.
They were making fun of you.
Well, they're teenagers.
Just feels so weird lying about you.
You're my mom.
You remember what happened at the last school? You didn't have any friends.
I won't let that happen again.
This is your shot to sit at the popular kids' table.
Don't blow it.
Of course, I think you should be the lead soloist.
But can I give you some advice? Even when Rachel was her most controlling, she still made sure everyone felt included.
You have a point.
Can I give you some advice? You can't be here anymore, Kurt.
I get it.
I know.
I'm pathetic.
No, no, you're you're not pathetic.
It's just that you're you're stuck.
You don't belong here anymore.
You belong in New York.
And I'm reapplying for NYADA.
But I can't just go to New York.
You don't need NYADA.
And believe me, I don't want to see you go, but I just can't stand to see you stay here.
It's killing you.
And that's killing me.
What about us? In a year, I'll be there, too, but right now is your time.
You're ready.
So this is what you meant When you said that you were spent And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit Right to the top Don't look back Packing my bags And giving the academy a rain check I don't ever want to let you down I don't ever want to leave this town 'Cause after all This city never sleeps at night It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger But then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was Oh, don't you understand I'm never changing who I am This road never looked so lonely This house doesn't burn down slowly To ashes, to ashes It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger But then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was Now don't you understand I'm never changing who I am It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger But then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was Don't you understand I'm never changing who I am.
I'll miss you so much.
Brittany, I'm sorry, but I won fair and square.
You can't - just decide not to sing anymore.
We all need your voice.
- I had a song In my heart, Blaine Warbler, and you killed it.
Now I have a dead song in my heart, and pretty soon, the corpse of my dead heart song - is going to start to smell.
- Okay, guys.
Since we can't do a popularity homecoming float with all white people, I say I think we should do one - with all white chrysanthemums.
- That's a good idea.
We need a float, why don't we all just ride her? Look at her boobs.
It's like two grocery bags full of soup.
- That's really mean.
- Excuse me? You don't know her.
You don't know what her life is like.
So? Why do you care? Because she's my mom.
I thought you guys were different.
That your boyfriend? Hey.
Yeah, this is Finn.
He's in the Army, so we really haven't been talking much lately.
I had a girlfriend back home when I first started NYADA.
Yeah, we lasted six weeks.
No, that's not gonna happen to us.
I'm not gonna turn my back on him.
Oh, nobody said you should.
Anyway, I came to tell you that you killed it in Tibideaux's class.
Nice job.
Thank you.
You know, it's just, other than when I was singing that song, I've just really never felt as amazingly wrong as I do here.
Just all alone.
Kind of feel like I'm just gonna throw up all the time.
Well, it's just because you're becoming a different person.
That's why you came to New York.
To be that new and improved girl.
Here, let me see your phone.
We're gonna take a picture.
Let me see.
You look good.
Don't fight the new you.
Because from what I've seen, she is gonna kick some serious tail.
And start adding new memories to the old ones.
Walk you to class? What's the problem, people? You've been here a week.
You should be dancing at, like, Black Swan levels of psychosis right now.
You, Miss Schwimmer.
Show me your piqué.
Okay, give me another one.
Center yourself this time.
Better, slightly.
You gonna roll your eyes at me now? No.
And I'm gonna keep getting better till I'm the best you've ever seen.
Oh, you're mouthy.
And you got guts.
Good, I like it.
I like that spirit in my students.
'Cause it'll make it more fun for me when I'm making your every waking moment a hell on earth.
So boring.
All right.
As soon as you find a place to live, I'll ship you the rest of your stuff.
And you'll get enough cash from selling your car to get you through at least two weeks in a motel.
And the emergency credit card, which is only for what? Emergencies.
Dad, this is silly.
I don't have to be in New York to reapply for NYADA.
So I can find a job that pays me the same amount as Lima Bean, but pay ten times more in rent? Yeah, because it's an adventure.
Look, all great artists need a little struggle in their lives.
Didn't you tell me that Julia Roberts sold shoes in New York before she made it? Good enough for Pretty Woman, good enough for Kurt Hummel.
Scared? Terrified.
New York is gonna be a breeze compared to Lima.
Think about all the crap you've been putting up with the last couple years.
You know the difference between this place and New York? Decent bagels? New York is filled with people like you.
People who aren't afraid to be different.
You're gonna feel at home there.
If you're not scared, just means you're not sticking out your neck far enough.
You truly are the world's greatest dad.
I know.
It's written on the coffee mug you got me for Father's Day.
Now, get out of here.
You're gonna miss your flight.
I'm gonna miss you, Dad.
You can always come back.
But you won't.
I love you.
I love you, too, Kurt.
Hey, Marley, um, just wanted to apologize for all of us and beg you not to quit.
Look, I get you.
Like, for instance, I know that that sweater is from Walmart - and your mom sewed the J.
Crew label into it.
- How do you know that? Because my mom used to do the same thing for me.
The best thing about Glee Club is it's not about labels.
If you can sing, if you can dance, you belong.
And, dude, you can sing.
I don't know.
You say that, but the way you were making fun of my mom, something doesn't feel right.
We came to apologize.
I think being popular felt a little too good, and we forgot ourselves.
Well, I didn't.
I was always popular, but I do forget to wear underwear sometimes, though.
The best part about Glee Club is that everyone gets to be a star.
Which is why we're all hoping that you could come to rehearsal with us this afternoon and maybe sing lead vocal on one of the songs we're working on.
And if words don't convince you, let the majesty and mystery of Unique's fabulousness be enough! I mean it.
Glee Club's a special place.
I mean, where else could I dress like this and be welcomed with open arms? Okay, one last thing.
I don't think I'm comfortable sitting with that cheerleader and those guys at lunch.
That won't be a problem.
We could handle Gimpy and the Tarantula Head and Richie Poor, because you guys were national champs like us, but our invitation was not extended to pre-op Precious based on the novel Barf by Sapphire and Mike and Molly's daughter as part of our crew.
Well, I guess we're not in your crew anymore.
You know, I was kind of hoping you'd say that.
And with that, order is restored.
Well, looks like you guys have been officially welcomed to the Glee Club.
Unique's eyes they are on fire! Let's get you guys cleaned up and go to rehearsal.
You wanted to see me? Yes, I wanted to talk to you about your audition.
Do you have any idea how hard I worked on that song? I was up for three nights getting it right, and you didn't even let me finish.
Glee Club performs in front of hundreds of people.
Some of them might boo you.
You gonna throw a mic stand at them? So I'm angry.
I got a right to be.
You don't know me.
You don't know my life.
I know your brother, Jake.
Our dad's like an NBA player.
There could be running around Ohio.
No one ever mentioned anything about having a brother.
He doesn't know.
I get it.
Now that you know I'm related to your boy, I'm good enough for your stupid club? No.
When I saw you were related to him, I realized how much good Glee Club did him.
Made me want to take a chance on you.
But you've got to get that chip off your shoulder.
And I interrupted your audition because I knew after the first verse that I wanted you in this club.
You're really good, Jake.
You think I'm good? Yeah.
I'm not changing.
I like this chip on my shoulder and I'm not losing it to sing for you.
I'm not my brother.
I've made up my mind Don't need to think it over If I'm wrong, I am right Don't need to look no further This ain't lust I know This is love But if I tell the world I'll never say enough 'Cause it was not said to you And that's exactly what I need to do If I end up with you Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere Nowhere Or would it be a waste Even if I knew my place Should I leave it there? Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere Yeah Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere - Or would it be a waste - Would it be a waste - Even if I knew my place - If I knew my place - Should I leave it there? - Should I leave it there? What's wrong? You sound sad.
I lied.
I'm not okay.
- Should I just keep on - Chasing Chasing I miss you, and I miss everything.
- Should I just - Keep on - Chasing pavements? - Chasing pavements? Oh Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Pavements My dance teacher's a monster, and I can't even go to my dorm room, because my roommate is sleeping with the entire school.
Why don't you move out and find a new roommate? Yeah.
Turn around.
Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere.

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