Hawaii Five-O (1968) s09e07 Episode Script
The Last of The Great Paperhangers
H.
R.
H: And you thought that was my little caper? It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING.]
H.
R.
H: Mr.
McGarrett should help us get the seed money for the biggest score of my career.
Hello, Mr.
Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Say, Mr.
Darcy, Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier force coming in today, and I think that we need a little more currency than Commander Hutton drew.
Oh, not much.
Just another 200,000, that's all.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[ALARM RINGING.]
[TINKLY SONG PLAYING.]
[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Who is it? - Mack.
Well? - Any problems? - No, not really.
Oh, a few bells went off.
Well, we can't all be perfect like you, H.
R.
H.
Ah.
Marvelous.
We're in business.
- Hey, Danno.
- Welcome back, Steve.
How'd it go? Oh, I'm weary.
They gave him five to ten in Colorado State, so he won't be bothering us for a while.
Your testimony? Yeah.
A good strong case.
How are things here? Well, actually, there's bad news and good news.
Okay, lay it on me.
The bad news is somebody broke into our office last night.
- In the Territorial Building? DANNY: Yeah.
The good news is he didn't take anything.
You're kidding.
Why would anyone break into an office and not take anything? DANNY: As a matter of fact, he even left something.
This.
TELLER: Would you sign these signature cards, please? Certainly.
Our bank in San Diego will be sending you a sizable draft in a day or so.
Meanwhile, I trust that this will be enough to open our account.
TELLER: Of course.
- Right.
Thank you.
[H.
R.
H.
SIGHS.]
No problem? No.
You didn't really expect any, did you, Janice? No, as of now, Pacific Equipment Company has a nice legitimate little bank account.
JANICE: Hmm.
- Whew.
They don't make you look that different, you know.
No, no, but just in case of any little difficulty, it gives the witness something distinctive to remember and forget everything else.
[JANICE CHUCKLES.]
Well, I'd say that we're looking pretty good.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
McGARRETT: What is it, a week from Tuesday, the next meeting? And do they meet every week on Tuesday? CALVIN: Mr.
McGarrett? - Yeah? CALVIN: Will you please autograph your picture on the cover? Why do you want my autograph, son? I'm not a ball player.
Because when I grow up, I wanna be a detective, just like you.
You do, huh? Okay.
- There you are.
You got it.
- Thank you.
- Well, how'd we do, Calvin? - Real cool.
Yeah? You know, you're right.
And for you, a nice crisp $2 bill, hmm? [SMOOCHES.]
JANICE: Well, it's okay? H.
R.
H: Perfect.
McGarrett hasn't changed much since he arranged my four-to-eight vacation at Leavenworth.
I wonder if he'd say the same about you.
Oh, he's probably forgotten all about me.
But I haven't forgotten about him.
Which is why I've decided that Mr.
McGarrett should help us get the seed money for the biggest score of my career.
[JANICE SIGHS.]
Why don't you watch H.
R.
H? You might learn something.
What's to learn? Simple enough, just trace a signature.
There, Mack, my boy, you're 100 percent wrong.
A skilled document examiner can detect a traced signature ten feet away.
MACK: All these are a little different than the one on the magazine.
H.
R.
H: Precisely.
And they should be, because no one duplicates his own signature exactly.
But a tracing always reveals stops and starts, a labored precision, too smooth a line.
Child's play for an expert to detect.
So how do you do it? I put myself inside the mind of my subject.
A few practice signatures like these and then my hand and fingers become those of Steve McGarrett, and they sign his name exactly as he would sign it, spontaneously, undetectably.
And I think we're ready.
Oh.
Will you look at that? - Okay, what have we got? - What we've got is zero so far.
Che says the front door was picked, not locked.
Same with the supply cabinet.
There are slight striations because he used a picklock tool, not a key.
- What about fingerprints? - Well, as Danny says, nothing.
The guy probably wore gloves.
No question we're dealing with an expert.
An expert who deliberately breaks into a government office and steals nothing? Well, maybe he broke into the wrong office.
No.
No, I doubt it.
Or else the alarm went off and the night watchman surprised him before he could get what he was after.
No, I think an expert would realize that there were alarms.
I'm gonna tell you something, gentlemen.
I think that our expert knew exactly what he was after, exactly what he was doing.
We're gonna find out what it was.
[KNOCKS ON DESK.]
CLERK: Hi, may I help you? Yes, I'm the one who called about the state tax bulletin.
Oh, right.
I'll get you a copy.
It'll just take a second.
Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
CLERK: You're welcome.
H.
R.
H? Janice.
It just came.
[PLAYING TINKLY SONG.]
It's no good, Steve.
All the little souvenir shops sell them.
Tourists buy them by the thousands.
It would take us forever to run this down.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Hey, what's going on out there? DANNY: Steve, can you come out for a minute? Sure, who is it? - Bill Stephens, state comptroller.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, Bill.
How are you? Seeing how the other half lives? Purely utilitarian.
Very functional.
- What can we do for you? - This looks like the same old stuff.
That's because it is the same old stuff.
Then what happened to $14,000 worth of new furniture and equipment you requisitioned? I requisitioned? Here's the form.
Signed by you, Steve.
Just two things wrong with this, Bill.
I've never seen it before, and this is not my signature.
We may have a very serious situation here, Steve.
- Let me explain.
- Yeah, I wish you would.
The governor's secretary got a phone call from a newspaper columnist tracking down a rumor: Corruption in the Five-0 offices.
From a newspaper columnist, and they're talking about corruption? - That's funny.
BILL: Well, anyway, she called me, and inasmuch as this is the only thing of any consequence that's come from you to me in the last few weeks, I thought I better come over and check it out.
Well, now you have.
And I've told you there is no new furniture, no new equipment, and I never requisitioned any.
So if you'll excuse me, Bill, I have work to do.
The state has already paid out the money, Steve.
To whom? Not even locked.
Yeah, it's a drop, nothing but a phony front.
It's working.
Double-faced tape.
Tom? Bill.
About the Pacific Equipment check Are you sure? When? Don't tell me.
The check has been cashed.
Deposited in the Pacific Equipment account at Hawaii National Bank.
Half-hour later, the president of Pacific Equipment showed up, withdrew the entire amount.
[SIGN CLATTERS.]
You know something, gentlemen? I've been had.
Neat as you please, I've been set up.
- But why? - I don't know.
I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
Thirteen-eight, 13.
9, 14, and change.
[JANICE GIGGLING.]
And let us not forget our generous benefactor, who made this all possible, although he doesn't know it, Mr.
Steve McGarrett.
Well, Che? Steve, you say you didn't sign this, and I believe you.
But if you hadn't told me, I'd have to swear the signature was genuine.
It's the best job of forgery I've ever seen.
At least explains one thing.
In order to pull the swindle, they had to have the proper requisition forms.
That's all they needed, that's all they took.
So how do we find our paperhanger? We're dealing with a top pro here, Danno.
He's cool, skilled and intelligent.
Contact the FBI in Washington.
Get their current list of top paperhangers.
- Right.
- Oh, one more thing.
In order to forge my signature, he had to have a copy.
- Now, where did he get it? - He never touched the letter file.
You haven't been giving out autographs, have you? Wait a minute.
The other day, after the Rotary Club luncheon, some kid asked me to sign my picture on the cover of Honolulu Magazine.
He was a Little Leaguer, I think.
He had a green and white uniform on, and there was a yellow peak on his cap.
Chin, I've got a hunch.
See if you can find that kid.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
You know what that little guy said? He wanted to be a detective.
Heh.
Can I just have your endorsement, Commander Hutton? How long were they inside? Twelve minutes 23 seconds.
DANNY: "Carter Finley: Favorite M.
O.
, postal money orders.
Last known address, Hartford, Connecticut.
Wesley M.
Colton: Favorite M.
O.
, stolen credit cards.
Last known address, Miami Beach.
" - There are a lot more.
- Keep going, Danno.
"Hunter R.
Hickey.
" Hunter R.
Hickey? "Also known as H.
R.
H.
Favorite M.
O.
, check forgery.
" - You mean he's out? - Yeah.
Hunter R.
Hickey, H.
R.
H.
I'd almost forgotten about him.
Do you remember a few years ago we tipped the Detroit Police about some stolen traveler's checks, and I had to fly back east to testify against the forger? That's he.
You sure he's out? According to the FBI report, released from Leavenworth May 16.
Maybe this is just a wild hunch, Danno, or wishful thinking, but this is just the sort of caper that H.
R.
H.
Might have dreamed up.
Pull his file.
Now, if he's in the islands, I wanna talk to him.
Right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Who's there? - Janice.
Did you see the paper yet? Listen to this.
"Big carrier task force due into Pearl Friday from the Far East.
" Huh? What do you think? Friday.
Hmm.
That's a tight schedule.
But I think we can make it.
Decision time.
Friday is D-day.
Um, H.
R.
H.
, didn't you say that it was absolutely impossible for Steve McGarrett to get a make on you? - I did.
- Well, what about this? Uh, "At Hawaii Five-0's instigation, Hawaii Police are combing the state for a master forger recently released" - Let me see that.
- Don't tell us our mastermind goofed.
Impossible.
McGarrett is guessing, just guessing.
Yeah, but, uh, H.
R.
H.
, if he does have something on you, we gotta know by Friday.
Well, there's one sure way to find out, isn't there? Well.
What can I do for you, Hickey? H.
R.
H: Hunter R.
Hickey, at your service.
We're old friends, Mr.
McGarrett.
You may call me Hunter.
I didn't expect to see you out so soon.
But you were, of course, a model prisoner.
H.
R.
H: Of course.
- What brings you here? - The afternoon paper.
- You have, I'm sure, seen it? McGARRETT: We have.
I gather that you've been looking for me.
- If so, may I ask the charge? - No charge, yet.
But we do have a few questions we'd like to ask.
Ask away.
You see before you a reformed man.
All I want to do is be an honest, contributing island citizen.
The last thing that I would want is a misunderstanding with the police.
That all sounds very noble.
We'd like to ask you what you know about a company called Pacific Equipment.
And $14,000 worth of nonexistent office furniture.
Oh, is that what? [CHUCKLES.]
I heard those rumors.
Very embarrassing for your office, McGarrett.
And you thought that that was my little caper, and I wanted revenge because you'd put me away? - It had entered my mind.
- No way.
Oh, those years of my confinement.
Leavenworth is not exactly a garden spot, you know.
They taught me wisdom, they really did.
I'm glad.
They showed me the course that my life should take after my release.
The straight and narrow.
The way that I could teach others to avoid the mistakes of my life.
- How would you go about doing that? - Through my memoirs.
The only reason that I've come back to the islands is to write my memoirs.
What would you use for a title? How about The Last of the Great Paperhangers? [LAUGHING.]
Not bad, not bad.
I want you to know, in all modesty, I was always the class of our profession.
Some of my, uh Some of my scores are still thought of as, well, classics.
I'll send you an autographed copy of my book.
Signed with your own name? - That would be a novelty.
H.
R.
H: Ha, ha.
Far be it for me to mind little jokes at the expense of my past.
But some things I do mind, such as this.
Articles planted in the newspapers.
In the future, unless you have solid evidence or are proffering charges, I don't want to read any more such stories.
I shall be forced to bring legal redress.
Do I make myself clear? You buy any of that? Not one word, Danno, not one word.
Our friend came here for just one reason: To see if we had anything on him, because he's planning a big score.
Now, I'll lay you odds on that.
MACK: How much it cost? JANICE: Seventeen-fifty.
Beat him down from 2,100.
How we doing? - Hey.
Beautiful.
H.
R.
H: Mm-hm.
You could always get a job as a sign painter if things get tough.
You know, the hours aren't too good, and as for the pay, forget it.
How about the uniforms? Oh, they should be ready.
I'll check on them.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Your move, Wan Li.
Since you called, I have been thinking about your requirements.
I believe imported talent might be best.
- Imported from where? WAN: Seattle, I think.
They can come in the morning, perform for you, leave on the noon plane.
How much will they cost? A thousand apiece, plus travel expenses.
And, of course, my fee, another 2,500.
Sounds a little steep.
Mack told me you would accept nothing but the best.
Very well.
This is Calvin.
He plays right field for the Kaimuki Sharks.
He got two hits today.
He's the one who asked you for an autograph.
McGARRETT: Yeah, he's the one, all right.
Hi, Calvin.
Sit up here, will you? Now, let me ask you something, just between us.
Did you really want my autograph, or did someone else ask you to get it? - How'd you know? - I'm a detective, remember? Is this the man? No, it was a lady.
A real pretty lady.
She gave me $2 and she kissed me.
Ha, ha.
This kid's getting too big for Little League.
- Yeah.
CHIN HO: Ha, ha.
Okay, Calvin, come on.
Take him down and let him look through the mug books.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
SAILOR: Here, take that.
- Okay, I'll bring your change, sailor.
- Okay, miss.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, what are you doing tonight? Going home to my husband.
He's a lieutenant commander in the Shore Patrol.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Steve should be back any minute.
Got your message, Danno.
What's the problem? You're not gonna believe this.
Actually, there's bad news and good news.
Again? The bad news is last night somebody blew the safe at the government printing office.
And the good news is that they didn't take anything.
Right.
Danno, contact the Secret Service.
Get permission for you and Che to go over that room with their Lab boys.
Will do.
Steve, about that building-equipment company.
Building manager says a girl rented the store for 30 days.
- Paid them in cash.
- And the bank account? Opened by a dude who called himself Abner Hobson.
Reddish hair, steel-rimmed glasses.
That's all the cashier could remember.
No make on him anywhere.
Obviously a phony name.
Gentlemen, I think it's time we paid some very special attention to our friend Hunter R.
Hickey.
I want a 24-hour tail on him.
Now, if our paperhanger so much as sticks his nose outside his hotel room, I wanna know about it.
- What I don't see - Yes, Frank? Since we only took one blank check, how come only 200,000? - Why not a half a million? H.
R.
H: Heh.
Did I ever tell you how they catch monkeys in Africa? No.
Well, they take an empty coconut shell and tie it to a tree with some nuts inside and a little hole just big enough for him to get his hand in.
What the hell's that got to do with half a million dollars? The monkey comes along, sticks in his hand, grabs the nuts.
But the hole's too small for him to get his fist out, but he won't let go of those nuts.
He wants them so bad, he won't let go, and they catch him.
- So? - So the point is not to be so greedy.
Right.
Two hundred thousand, a local bank can handle, but a half a million, might have to go to the Federal Reserve.
That means a delay of 48 hours.
Do you want to sit and wait for 48 hours? Now, this is something that might interest you both.
I didn't invent the technique, but I did I did perfect it.
Janice, that Navy payroll check that you cashed? First, a length of inked ribbon of the proper color.
Then a strip of cellophane tape to cover the ribbon.
Then a sharp stylus to trace the signature.
I thought you said a traced signature can be detected.
I did, but this is a machine signature.
Requires a different technique.
There you are.
Every bit as authentic as the original machine signature.
That would fool any bank.
So, well, I'd say it's time for our little phone call.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
Let's see.
Hawaii National Bank? May we speak with the cashier, please? Pearl Harbor Switchboard calling.
Mr.
Darcy? We have a call for you from our Fleet Disbursing Office.
Hold on, please.
Hello, Mr.
Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Yes, acting disbursement officer at Pearl.
Commander Hutton's on leave.
Say, Mr.
Darcy, Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier force coming in today, and I think that we need a little more currency than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along another Treasury check, could you help us out? Oh, not much.
Just another 200,000, that's all.
You can? Oh, that's fine, Mr.
Darcy.
Navy appreciates it.
Goodbye.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[CAR APPROACHING.]
Ah.
Here, for you.
Thank you.
[KEYS JINGLING.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
DANNY: Everything is accounted for up to here? HELMS: Yes - Mr.
Williams? I don't know whether this means anything, but look.
This shipment of Treasury checks, stamped and ready to go out to the Navy at Pearl, there's one blank check missing from the back.
One blank check.
If it were misprinted or damaged, then it would be stamped void.
But it wouldn't be thrown away.
Get me Steve McGarrett.
That's it, Danno, got to be.
They broke into a government office and blew a safe, all for one blank check.
HELMS: But why? I could understand taking Treasury certificates, bonds, even passport forms.
But a blank government check, and a Navy check at that? Oh, they could cash it for a few hundred dollars, sure, but not for any larger amount, no way.
- Why do you say that, Mr.
Helms? HELMS: Navy security procedure.
It would have to be cashed by a disbursing officer with the proper credentials, uniformed armed guards, and a convoy of Navy vehicles.
I see.
Thank you.
Let's go, Danno.
I smell a pro here, Danno.
What is our friend Hunter R.
Hickey doing right now? Driving around downtown Honolulu with Chin and Duke on his tail.
They can't make him out.
- Just driving around? DANNY: Yeah.
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't feel right.
Oh, Mr.
Helms, one more thing.
Would you mind notifying all Oahu banks about that stolen check and the serial number immediately? HELMS: Certainly.
- Thank you.
All set.
All right, let's go.
Very cool.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- Chin Ho.
- [OVER RADIO.]
McGarrett.
- Yeah, Steve? McGARRETT: What's your heading? We're on Waiola Street.
McGARRETT: His Highness tipped his hand? Hasn't made a move yet.
He seems to be heading out of town.
McGARRETT: Stay with him, Chin.
- We're all ready for you, commander.
H.
R.
H: Mr.
Darcy.
Here you are.
- It's all ready to be counted.
H.
R.
H: Fine.
Commander Hutton and the boys will appreciate this.
- Correct to the penny.
- If you'll just endorse this? Yep, all in order.
I'll see you out, commander.
H.
R.
H: Ah, thank you.
There's an important phone call for you, Mr.
Darcy.
DARCY: Have them hold just one moment.
The Navy's grateful for your cooperation, Mr.
Darcy.
- Just keep on defending us.
- Thank you.
They what? MAN [OVER RADIO.]
: A Navy officer cashed that stolen Treasury check at the Bank of Honolulu for $200,000.
- Our friend H.
R.
H.
, huh? - How's that possible? Chin and Duke have been tailing him all morning.
Yeah.
JANICE: Officer! Could you help me? Those two men have been following me all morning.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES AND ENGINE STARTS.]
I had no idea.
They all seemed so legitimate.
I had no reason to doubt.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Excuse me for a second.
It wasn't H.
R.
H.
In that car we were following, Steve.
It was a girl.
She tricked us.
So it was our old friend Hunter R.
Hickey after all.
- And he got away with it.
- Yeah, maybe.
Maybe not.
Let's go.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Thank you, boys.
Thank you.
First rate.
Professional all the way.
See you on the mainland one of these days.
All right, boys, on your way as quick as you can.
- Ah.
Ha-ha-ha.
- We did it.
We did it.
- I just heard it on the radio.
- Did you have any doubts? Better get going if we wanna get that plane.
Just one thing we have to take care of.
The staff car has to go back where it came from.
Why? Because if they find it here, they might trace it to us.
There's nothing to it.
Bring it back to the lot, we pick you up at the corner, we zoom right out to the airport.
- Well, I don't like it.
- Trust me.
MACK: Okay.
H.
R.
H: There you go.
JANICE: Okay.
- Can you make it, Mack? MACK: I'm all right.
You're clear.
Uh, hello, Police Department? The man who took that staff car, the Navy staff car, is returning it to the lot where he got it in just a few minutes.
While the police are busy with Mack, we'll be on our plane and away.
Why? Things will be a lot cozier without him.
- What if he should talk? - No, he's not gonna talk.
He won't know that we tipped them off.
Now, come along, love.
- Here we go.
- Ha, ha.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight 218 for Los Angeles now ready That's us.
Uh, you go ahead.
We won't board together just in case.
Ahem.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight Number 218 for Los Angeles now ready for boarding at Gate 7.
Thank you.
Thank you.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: United Airlines Flight 68 from San Francisco is now arriving at Gate 22.
United Airlines Flight 68 from Just a moment, sir.
Would you mind opening that carryon bag? - What'd you say? - Would you please open your bag? - Why? - For a special security inspection, sir.
Well, isn't this highly irregular? Uh, whose bright idea was this? - Mine.
- Damn it.
- What? - Do you mind opening it, or shall we? It's just been through that thing, you know? Oh, that valet of mine.
You know, you just can't get good help these days.
DANNY: One minute, miss.
Calvin, is this the pretty lady who paid you to get Mr.
McGarrett's autograph? CALVIN: Sure is.
Hi.
Could I have a look in that bag, please? WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Air Siam Flight 16 for Hong Kong, passengers are now boarding at Gate 14.
Well, what do you know? [JANICE SIGHS.]
You know, I just can't figure out where I went wrong.
Every detail planned, executed perfectly.
Except one.
Now, when you break into a man's office, you should always make it a point to steal something.
That's what did you in.
Danno, book them.
Aloha.
R.
H: And you thought that was my little caper? It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING.]
H.
R.
H: Mr.
McGarrett should help us get the seed money for the biggest score of my career.
Hello, Mr.
Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Say, Mr.
Darcy, Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier force coming in today, and I think that we need a little more currency than Commander Hutton drew.
Oh, not much.
Just another 200,000, that's all.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[ALARM RINGING.]
[TINKLY SONG PLAYING.]
[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Who is it? - Mack.
Well? - Any problems? - No, not really.
Oh, a few bells went off.
Well, we can't all be perfect like you, H.
R.
H.
Ah.
Marvelous.
We're in business.
- Hey, Danno.
- Welcome back, Steve.
How'd it go? Oh, I'm weary.
They gave him five to ten in Colorado State, so he won't be bothering us for a while.
Your testimony? Yeah.
A good strong case.
How are things here? Well, actually, there's bad news and good news.
Okay, lay it on me.
The bad news is somebody broke into our office last night.
- In the Territorial Building? DANNY: Yeah.
The good news is he didn't take anything.
You're kidding.
Why would anyone break into an office and not take anything? DANNY: As a matter of fact, he even left something.
This.
TELLER: Would you sign these signature cards, please? Certainly.
Our bank in San Diego will be sending you a sizable draft in a day or so.
Meanwhile, I trust that this will be enough to open our account.
TELLER: Of course.
- Right.
Thank you.
[H.
R.
H.
SIGHS.]
No problem? No.
You didn't really expect any, did you, Janice? No, as of now, Pacific Equipment Company has a nice legitimate little bank account.
JANICE: Hmm.
- Whew.
They don't make you look that different, you know.
No, no, but just in case of any little difficulty, it gives the witness something distinctive to remember and forget everything else.
[JANICE CHUCKLES.]
Well, I'd say that we're looking pretty good.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
McGARRETT: What is it, a week from Tuesday, the next meeting? And do they meet every week on Tuesday? CALVIN: Mr.
McGarrett? - Yeah? CALVIN: Will you please autograph your picture on the cover? Why do you want my autograph, son? I'm not a ball player.
Because when I grow up, I wanna be a detective, just like you.
You do, huh? Okay.
- There you are.
You got it.
- Thank you.
- Well, how'd we do, Calvin? - Real cool.
Yeah? You know, you're right.
And for you, a nice crisp $2 bill, hmm? [SMOOCHES.]
JANICE: Well, it's okay? H.
R.
H: Perfect.
McGarrett hasn't changed much since he arranged my four-to-eight vacation at Leavenworth.
I wonder if he'd say the same about you.
Oh, he's probably forgotten all about me.
But I haven't forgotten about him.
Which is why I've decided that Mr.
McGarrett should help us get the seed money for the biggest score of my career.
[JANICE SIGHS.]
Why don't you watch H.
R.
H? You might learn something.
What's to learn? Simple enough, just trace a signature.
There, Mack, my boy, you're 100 percent wrong.
A skilled document examiner can detect a traced signature ten feet away.
MACK: All these are a little different than the one on the magazine.
H.
R.
H: Precisely.
And they should be, because no one duplicates his own signature exactly.
But a tracing always reveals stops and starts, a labored precision, too smooth a line.
Child's play for an expert to detect.
So how do you do it? I put myself inside the mind of my subject.
A few practice signatures like these and then my hand and fingers become those of Steve McGarrett, and they sign his name exactly as he would sign it, spontaneously, undetectably.
And I think we're ready.
Oh.
Will you look at that? - Okay, what have we got? - What we've got is zero so far.
Che says the front door was picked, not locked.
Same with the supply cabinet.
There are slight striations because he used a picklock tool, not a key.
- What about fingerprints? - Well, as Danny says, nothing.
The guy probably wore gloves.
No question we're dealing with an expert.
An expert who deliberately breaks into a government office and steals nothing? Well, maybe he broke into the wrong office.
No.
No, I doubt it.
Or else the alarm went off and the night watchman surprised him before he could get what he was after.
No, I think an expert would realize that there were alarms.
I'm gonna tell you something, gentlemen.
I think that our expert knew exactly what he was after, exactly what he was doing.
We're gonna find out what it was.
[KNOCKS ON DESK.]
CLERK: Hi, may I help you? Yes, I'm the one who called about the state tax bulletin.
Oh, right.
I'll get you a copy.
It'll just take a second.
Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
CLERK: You're welcome.
H.
R.
H? Janice.
It just came.
[PLAYING TINKLY SONG.]
It's no good, Steve.
All the little souvenir shops sell them.
Tourists buy them by the thousands.
It would take us forever to run this down.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Hey, what's going on out there? DANNY: Steve, can you come out for a minute? Sure, who is it? - Bill Stephens, state comptroller.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, Bill.
How are you? Seeing how the other half lives? Purely utilitarian.
Very functional.
- What can we do for you? - This looks like the same old stuff.
That's because it is the same old stuff.
Then what happened to $14,000 worth of new furniture and equipment you requisitioned? I requisitioned? Here's the form.
Signed by you, Steve.
Just two things wrong with this, Bill.
I've never seen it before, and this is not my signature.
We may have a very serious situation here, Steve.
- Let me explain.
- Yeah, I wish you would.
The governor's secretary got a phone call from a newspaper columnist tracking down a rumor: Corruption in the Five-0 offices.
From a newspaper columnist, and they're talking about corruption? - That's funny.
BILL: Well, anyway, she called me, and inasmuch as this is the only thing of any consequence that's come from you to me in the last few weeks, I thought I better come over and check it out.
Well, now you have.
And I've told you there is no new furniture, no new equipment, and I never requisitioned any.
So if you'll excuse me, Bill, I have work to do.
The state has already paid out the money, Steve.
To whom? Not even locked.
Yeah, it's a drop, nothing but a phony front.
It's working.
Double-faced tape.
Tom? Bill.
About the Pacific Equipment check Are you sure? When? Don't tell me.
The check has been cashed.
Deposited in the Pacific Equipment account at Hawaii National Bank.
Half-hour later, the president of Pacific Equipment showed up, withdrew the entire amount.
[SIGN CLATTERS.]
You know something, gentlemen? I've been had.
Neat as you please, I've been set up.
- But why? - I don't know.
I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
Thirteen-eight, 13.
9, 14, and change.
[JANICE GIGGLING.]
And let us not forget our generous benefactor, who made this all possible, although he doesn't know it, Mr.
Steve McGarrett.
Well, Che? Steve, you say you didn't sign this, and I believe you.
But if you hadn't told me, I'd have to swear the signature was genuine.
It's the best job of forgery I've ever seen.
At least explains one thing.
In order to pull the swindle, they had to have the proper requisition forms.
That's all they needed, that's all they took.
So how do we find our paperhanger? We're dealing with a top pro here, Danno.
He's cool, skilled and intelligent.
Contact the FBI in Washington.
Get their current list of top paperhangers.
- Right.
- Oh, one more thing.
In order to forge my signature, he had to have a copy.
- Now, where did he get it? - He never touched the letter file.
You haven't been giving out autographs, have you? Wait a minute.
The other day, after the Rotary Club luncheon, some kid asked me to sign my picture on the cover of Honolulu Magazine.
He was a Little Leaguer, I think.
He had a green and white uniform on, and there was a yellow peak on his cap.
Chin, I've got a hunch.
See if you can find that kid.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
You know what that little guy said? He wanted to be a detective.
Heh.
Can I just have your endorsement, Commander Hutton? How long were they inside? Twelve minutes 23 seconds.
DANNY: "Carter Finley: Favorite M.
O.
, postal money orders.
Last known address, Hartford, Connecticut.
Wesley M.
Colton: Favorite M.
O.
, stolen credit cards.
Last known address, Miami Beach.
" - There are a lot more.
- Keep going, Danno.
"Hunter R.
Hickey.
" Hunter R.
Hickey? "Also known as H.
R.
H.
Favorite M.
O.
, check forgery.
" - You mean he's out? - Yeah.
Hunter R.
Hickey, H.
R.
H.
I'd almost forgotten about him.
Do you remember a few years ago we tipped the Detroit Police about some stolen traveler's checks, and I had to fly back east to testify against the forger? That's he.
You sure he's out? According to the FBI report, released from Leavenworth May 16.
Maybe this is just a wild hunch, Danno, or wishful thinking, but this is just the sort of caper that H.
R.
H.
Might have dreamed up.
Pull his file.
Now, if he's in the islands, I wanna talk to him.
Right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Who's there? - Janice.
Did you see the paper yet? Listen to this.
"Big carrier task force due into Pearl Friday from the Far East.
" Huh? What do you think? Friday.
Hmm.
That's a tight schedule.
But I think we can make it.
Decision time.
Friday is D-day.
Um, H.
R.
H.
, didn't you say that it was absolutely impossible for Steve McGarrett to get a make on you? - I did.
- Well, what about this? Uh, "At Hawaii Five-0's instigation, Hawaii Police are combing the state for a master forger recently released" - Let me see that.
- Don't tell us our mastermind goofed.
Impossible.
McGarrett is guessing, just guessing.
Yeah, but, uh, H.
R.
H.
, if he does have something on you, we gotta know by Friday.
Well, there's one sure way to find out, isn't there? Well.
What can I do for you, Hickey? H.
R.
H: Hunter R.
Hickey, at your service.
We're old friends, Mr.
McGarrett.
You may call me Hunter.
I didn't expect to see you out so soon.
But you were, of course, a model prisoner.
H.
R.
H: Of course.
- What brings you here? - The afternoon paper.
- You have, I'm sure, seen it? McGARRETT: We have.
I gather that you've been looking for me.
- If so, may I ask the charge? - No charge, yet.
But we do have a few questions we'd like to ask.
Ask away.
You see before you a reformed man.
All I want to do is be an honest, contributing island citizen.
The last thing that I would want is a misunderstanding with the police.
That all sounds very noble.
We'd like to ask you what you know about a company called Pacific Equipment.
And $14,000 worth of nonexistent office furniture.
Oh, is that what? [CHUCKLES.]
I heard those rumors.
Very embarrassing for your office, McGarrett.
And you thought that that was my little caper, and I wanted revenge because you'd put me away? - It had entered my mind.
- No way.
Oh, those years of my confinement.
Leavenworth is not exactly a garden spot, you know.
They taught me wisdom, they really did.
I'm glad.
They showed me the course that my life should take after my release.
The straight and narrow.
The way that I could teach others to avoid the mistakes of my life.
- How would you go about doing that? - Through my memoirs.
The only reason that I've come back to the islands is to write my memoirs.
What would you use for a title? How about The Last of the Great Paperhangers? [LAUGHING.]
Not bad, not bad.
I want you to know, in all modesty, I was always the class of our profession.
Some of my, uh Some of my scores are still thought of as, well, classics.
I'll send you an autographed copy of my book.
Signed with your own name? - That would be a novelty.
H.
R.
H: Ha, ha.
Far be it for me to mind little jokes at the expense of my past.
But some things I do mind, such as this.
Articles planted in the newspapers.
In the future, unless you have solid evidence or are proffering charges, I don't want to read any more such stories.
I shall be forced to bring legal redress.
Do I make myself clear? You buy any of that? Not one word, Danno, not one word.
Our friend came here for just one reason: To see if we had anything on him, because he's planning a big score.
Now, I'll lay you odds on that.
MACK: How much it cost? JANICE: Seventeen-fifty.
Beat him down from 2,100.
How we doing? - Hey.
Beautiful.
H.
R.
H: Mm-hm.
You could always get a job as a sign painter if things get tough.
You know, the hours aren't too good, and as for the pay, forget it.
How about the uniforms? Oh, they should be ready.
I'll check on them.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Your move, Wan Li.
Since you called, I have been thinking about your requirements.
I believe imported talent might be best.
- Imported from where? WAN: Seattle, I think.
They can come in the morning, perform for you, leave on the noon plane.
How much will they cost? A thousand apiece, plus travel expenses.
And, of course, my fee, another 2,500.
Sounds a little steep.
Mack told me you would accept nothing but the best.
Very well.
This is Calvin.
He plays right field for the Kaimuki Sharks.
He got two hits today.
He's the one who asked you for an autograph.
McGARRETT: Yeah, he's the one, all right.
Hi, Calvin.
Sit up here, will you? Now, let me ask you something, just between us.
Did you really want my autograph, or did someone else ask you to get it? - How'd you know? - I'm a detective, remember? Is this the man? No, it was a lady.
A real pretty lady.
She gave me $2 and she kissed me.
Ha, ha.
This kid's getting too big for Little League.
- Yeah.
CHIN HO: Ha, ha.
Okay, Calvin, come on.
Take him down and let him look through the mug books.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
SAILOR: Here, take that.
- Okay, I'll bring your change, sailor.
- Okay, miss.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, what are you doing tonight? Going home to my husband.
He's a lieutenant commander in the Shore Patrol.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Steve should be back any minute.
Got your message, Danno.
What's the problem? You're not gonna believe this.
Actually, there's bad news and good news.
Again? The bad news is last night somebody blew the safe at the government printing office.
And the good news is that they didn't take anything.
Right.
Danno, contact the Secret Service.
Get permission for you and Che to go over that room with their Lab boys.
Will do.
Steve, about that building-equipment company.
Building manager says a girl rented the store for 30 days.
- Paid them in cash.
- And the bank account? Opened by a dude who called himself Abner Hobson.
Reddish hair, steel-rimmed glasses.
That's all the cashier could remember.
No make on him anywhere.
Obviously a phony name.
Gentlemen, I think it's time we paid some very special attention to our friend Hunter R.
Hickey.
I want a 24-hour tail on him.
Now, if our paperhanger so much as sticks his nose outside his hotel room, I wanna know about it.
- What I don't see - Yes, Frank? Since we only took one blank check, how come only 200,000? - Why not a half a million? H.
R.
H: Heh.
Did I ever tell you how they catch monkeys in Africa? No.
Well, they take an empty coconut shell and tie it to a tree with some nuts inside and a little hole just big enough for him to get his hand in.
What the hell's that got to do with half a million dollars? The monkey comes along, sticks in his hand, grabs the nuts.
But the hole's too small for him to get his fist out, but he won't let go of those nuts.
He wants them so bad, he won't let go, and they catch him.
- So? - So the point is not to be so greedy.
Right.
Two hundred thousand, a local bank can handle, but a half a million, might have to go to the Federal Reserve.
That means a delay of 48 hours.
Do you want to sit and wait for 48 hours? Now, this is something that might interest you both.
I didn't invent the technique, but I did I did perfect it.
Janice, that Navy payroll check that you cashed? First, a length of inked ribbon of the proper color.
Then a strip of cellophane tape to cover the ribbon.
Then a sharp stylus to trace the signature.
I thought you said a traced signature can be detected.
I did, but this is a machine signature.
Requires a different technique.
There you are.
Every bit as authentic as the original machine signature.
That would fool any bank.
So, well, I'd say it's time for our little phone call.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
Let's see.
Hawaii National Bank? May we speak with the cashier, please? Pearl Harbor Switchboard calling.
Mr.
Darcy? We have a call for you from our Fleet Disbursing Office.
Hold on, please.
Hello, Mr.
Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Yes, acting disbursement officer at Pearl.
Commander Hutton's on leave.
Say, Mr.
Darcy, Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier force coming in today, and I think that we need a little more currency than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along another Treasury check, could you help us out? Oh, not much.
Just another 200,000, that's all.
You can? Oh, that's fine, Mr.
Darcy.
Navy appreciates it.
Goodbye.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[CAR APPROACHING.]
Ah.
Here, for you.
Thank you.
[KEYS JINGLING.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
DANNY: Everything is accounted for up to here? HELMS: Yes - Mr.
Williams? I don't know whether this means anything, but look.
This shipment of Treasury checks, stamped and ready to go out to the Navy at Pearl, there's one blank check missing from the back.
One blank check.
If it were misprinted or damaged, then it would be stamped void.
But it wouldn't be thrown away.
Get me Steve McGarrett.
That's it, Danno, got to be.
They broke into a government office and blew a safe, all for one blank check.
HELMS: But why? I could understand taking Treasury certificates, bonds, even passport forms.
But a blank government check, and a Navy check at that? Oh, they could cash it for a few hundred dollars, sure, but not for any larger amount, no way.
- Why do you say that, Mr.
Helms? HELMS: Navy security procedure.
It would have to be cashed by a disbursing officer with the proper credentials, uniformed armed guards, and a convoy of Navy vehicles.
I see.
Thank you.
Let's go, Danno.
I smell a pro here, Danno.
What is our friend Hunter R.
Hickey doing right now? Driving around downtown Honolulu with Chin and Duke on his tail.
They can't make him out.
- Just driving around? DANNY: Yeah.
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't feel right.
Oh, Mr.
Helms, one more thing.
Would you mind notifying all Oahu banks about that stolen check and the serial number immediately? HELMS: Certainly.
- Thank you.
All set.
All right, let's go.
Very cool.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- Chin Ho.
- [OVER RADIO.]
McGarrett.
- Yeah, Steve? McGARRETT: What's your heading? We're on Waiola Street.
McGARRETT: His Highness tipped his hand? Hasn't made a move yet.
He seems to be heading out of town.
McGARRETT: Stay with him, Chin.
- We're all ready for you, commander.
H.
R.
H: Mr.
Darcy.
Here you are.
- It's all ready to be counted.
H.
R.
H: Fine.
Commander Hutton and the boys will appreciate this.
- Correct to the penny.
- If you'll just endorse this? Yep, all in order.
I'll see you out, commander.
H.
R.
H: Ah, thank you.
There's an important phone call for you, Mr.
Darcy.
DARCY: Have them hold just one moment.
The Navy's grateful for your cooperation, Mr.
Darcy.
- Just keep on defending us.
- Thank you.
They what? MAN [OVER RADIO.]
: A Navy officer cashed that stolen Treasury check at the Bank of Honolulu for $200,000.
- Our friend H.
R.
H.
, huh? - How's that possible? Chin and Duke have been tailing him all morning.
Yeah.
JANICE: Officer! Could you help me? Those two men have been following me all morning.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES AND ENGINE STARTS.]
I had no idea.
They all seemed so legitimate.
I had no reason to doubt.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Excuse me for a second.
It wasn't H.
R.
H.
In that car we were following, Steve.
It was a girl.
She tricked us.
So it was our old friend Hunter R.
Hickey after all.
- And he got away with it.
- Yeah, maybe.
Maybe not.
Let's go.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Thank you, boys.
Thank you.
First rate.
Professional all the way.
See you on the mainland one of these days.
All right, boys, on your way as quick as you can.
- Ah.
Ha-ha-ha.
- We did it.
We did it.
- I just heard it on the radio.
- Did you have any doubts? Better get going if we wanna get that plane.
Just one thing we have to take care of.
The staff car has to go back where it came from.
Why? Because if they find it here, they might trace it to us.
There's nothing to it.
Bring it back to the lot, we pick you up at the corner, we zoom right out to the airport.
- Well, I don't like it.
- Trust me.
MACK: Okay.
H.
R.
H: There you go.
JANICE: Okay.
- Can you make it, Mack? MACK: I'm all right.
You're clear.
Uh, hello, Police Department? The man who took that staff car, the Navy staff car, is returning it to the lot where he got it in just a few minutes.
While the police are busy with Mack, we'll be on our plane and away.
Why? Things will be a lot cozier without him.
- What if he should talk? - No, he's not gonna talk.
He won't know that we tipped them off.
Now, come along, love.
- Here we go.
- Ha, ha.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight 218 for Los Angeles now ready That's us.
Uh, you go ahead.
We won't board together just in case.
Ahem.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Flight Number 218 for Los Angeles now ready for boarding at Gate 7.
Thank you.
Thank you.
WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: United Airlines Flight 68 from San Francisco is now arriving at Gate 22.
United Airlines Flight 68 from Just a moment, sir.
Would you mind opening that carryon bag? - What'd you say? - Would you please open your bag? - Why? - For a special security inspection, sir.
Well, isn't this highly irregular? Uh, whose bright idea was this? - Mine.
- Damn it.
- What? - Do you mind opening it, or shall we? It's just been through that thing, you know? Oh, that valet of mine.
You know, you just can't get good help these days.
DANNY: One minute, miss.
Calvin, is this the pretty lady who paid you to get Mr.
McGarrett's autograph? CALVIN: Sure is.
Hi.
Could I have a look in that bag, please? WOMAN [OVER PA.]
: Air Siam Flight 16 for Hong Kong, passengers are now boarding at Gate 14.
Well, what do you know? [JANICE SIGHS.]
You know, I just can't figure out where I went wrong.
Every detail planned, executed perfectly.
Except one.
Now, when you break into a man's office, you should always make it a point to steal something.
That's what did you in.
Danno, book them.
Aloha.