Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e15 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- ISN'T THIS THE GREATES
UNIFORM YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
- [YAWNS]
- AW, IT'S A SHAME YOU CAN'T GO
ON THE SURVIVAL WEEKEND WITH ME.
- YEAH, I BETTER. HE'LL NEVER
SURVIVE WITHOUT ME.
- HA HA! DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT'S GONNA FOOL
THE SCOUTMASTER?
YOU BETTER NOT TRY.
I'LL SEE YA
IN A COUPLE DAYS.
OH, I GIVE UP.
LET'S GET GOING.
- NOW, MEN,
THE WOODS CAN BE
A VERY DANGEROUS--
- UH, SORRY I'M LATE, SIR.
- PUNCTUALITY, IGGY.
IT COULD SAVE
YOUR LIFE IN THE WOODS.
- UH, YES, SIR.
- ALWAYS REMEMBER, BOYS--
NEVER BE AFRAID OF ANIMALS.
- I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
- THEY'RE JUST POOR, DUMB,
STUPID CREATURES.
REMEMBER, EVEN IN THE WOODS,
MAN IS STILL THE BOSS.
- YEAH, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
MMMRRRREOW!
- WHAT IS A CAT DOING HERE?
- I THINK HE WANTS
TO BE A SCOUT, SIR.
- THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
- MMMRRRRREOW!
- GET OUT OF THA
EQUIPMENT CLOSET,
YOU TRESPASSER.
YAIII!
- HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- COME BACK HERE!
I'LL GET YOU,
YOU MANGY--OHH!
[CRASH]
- HEH HEH HEH.
- OOH. OHH. OHH!
- HERE, BULLY.
HERE, HERE, BULLY.
- YEAAIII!
[SPLASH]
[CLATTERING]
- I GUESS I SHOWED HIM
WHO'S BOSS.
- EHH, I'VE ONLY
JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
STEP LIVELY, MEN.
1, 2. 1, 2.
- THIS IS GONNA BE A WEEKEND
THAT JERK IS NEVER GONNA FORGET.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- THANK HEAVENS I GOT RID
OF THAT STUPID CAT.
- OH, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
A WEEKEND IN THE WOODS--
JUST WHAT I NEEDED.
- OK, MEN, GATHER ROUND.
WE'RE GOING TO LEARN
THE PROPER WAY TO PUT UP A TENT.
NOW, I KNOW THIS LOOKS
COMPLICATED, MEN,
BUT WHEN YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING
AS WELL AS I DO--
HEH HEH!--
IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE.
NOW WE JUST PUT UP
THE INNER SUPPORT,
AND WE'RE DONE.
LET'S SEE NOW
SUPPORT "A"
GOES INTO SLOT "B."
- AND SCOUTMASTER "A"
GOES INTO ORBIT "B."
BYE-BYE.
- YEOW!
UNH!
WHEW!
[CRACKING]
YAIII!
OW. OOH. OW. OOH.
OW. OOH. OOH.
OW. OOH. AHH.
SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WOULD
BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
- IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER,
I'D SAY THIS WAS
HEATHCLIFF'S WORK.
- THAT BOY IS GETTING SO SMART.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- SOMETIMES, MEN,
IT BECOMES NECESSARY
TO HUNT FOR YOUR FOOD.
THIS IS WHY A REAL WOODSMAN MUS
KNOW HOW TO TRACK ANIMALS.
- I'M GETTING TIRED OF WALKING.
- BUCK UP, YOUNG FELLA.
HA HA. AHH.
I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
LOOK AT THESE NICE
FRESH DEER TRACKS.
ALL IT TAKES IS
A LITTLE PERSISTENCE
AND A TREMENDOUS
AMOUNT OF TALENT.
- AND AN EGO THE SIZE
OF A MOUNTAIN.
WHEW! WHAT A STINK.
SKUNKS!
OH, THIS IS JUST PERFECT.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.
OH, BUT FIRST, I BETTER STASH
THESE PHONY DEER HOOVES.
AND NEXT,
MAKE MYSELF SCARCE.
- SEE, MEN, THE TRACKS
END RIGHT HERE.
BEHIND THOSE BUSHES WILL BE
A BEAUTIFUL DEER.
- 321. FIRE.
- UH-OH.
- READYAIM
- OH, NO.
- FIRE!
- EW! WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
- THAT DEER
REALLY NEEDS A BATH.
- IT AIN'T THE DEER, PAL.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- FOLLOW ME, MEN.
- HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN', SIR?
- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CLEAN.
- IT'S GOTTA BE HEATHCLIFF.
- NOW GET A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP, MEN.
WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY
AHEAD OF US TOMORROW.
- BUT I'M AFRAID
TO SLEEP IN THE WOODS.
- NONSENSE!
THERE ISN'T A THING
TO BE AFRAID OF.
ACT LIKE A MAN, LIKE ME.
GOOD NIGHT, MEN.
- AW, DON'T BE AFRAID.
THE SCOUTMASTER'S RIGH
IN THE NEXT TENT.
- HEH HEH.
I HOPE THOSE WHINY BRATS
DON'T HEAR AN OWL HOO
AND TAKE OFF FOR HOME.
[RATTLING]
SNAKE!
EEEIII!
[SCREAMING]
- I WONDER
WHAT GOT HIM SPOOKED.
AFTER ALL, EVEN A BABY
ISN'T SCARED OF THIS.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- ISN'T THIS
A GLORIOUS MORNING, MEN?
- GREAT.
- SURE.
- TERRIFIC.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, IGGY?
- LET'S JUST SAY
IT'S TOO PEACEFUL.
- A TRUE WOODSMAN
DOESN'T LET THINGS
STAND IN HIS WAY.
HE GOES OVER THEM.
- SOME GUYS JUS
NEVER GIVE UP.
- BE CAREFUL!
IT LOOKS REAL DANGEROUS TO ME.
- DANGEROUS? HA!
I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF DANGER.
- OH, THIS GUY'S GOTTA GO.
JUST A FEW MORE FEET, MEN.
I'M GOING
TO CLAIM THIS MOUNTAIN
IN THE NAME OF
THE WESTMINSTER SCOUTS.
YAIIII!
MOMMY!
AYEEE!
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL HAVE
TO FIND YOUR OWN SHELTER.
NEXT WE LEARN
HOW TO EXPLORE A CAVE.
- FOLLOW ME, GUYS.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE HONEY
WHERE THIS CAME FROM.
I WANT YOU BOYS
TO MEET A FRIEND OF MINE.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- WHAT A MARVELOUS FOSSIL,
PROBABLY FROM
THE PALEOLITHIC ERA.
OR COULD IT BE
THE MESOZOIC?
- [LIPS SMACKING]
I TOLD YOU BOYS TO WAIT OUTSIDE
UNTIL I CALLED FOR YOU.
- RRRR!
- RRRR!
- RRRR!
- THIS JUST ISN'T MY WEEKEND.
O-O-OH, NO!
- OH, OUR POOR SCOUTMASTER.
I'M AFRAID THOSE BEARS
WILL CATCH HIM.
- ME, TOO.
- WELL, A CAT'S GOT TO DO
WHAT A CAT'S GOT TO DO.
[TARZAN YELL]
- YAIII!
- WELL, IF THIS DON'T STOP 'EM,
NOTHING WILL.
- YAAAH!
- [WOLF WHISTLE]
- OH, IF THIS EVER GETS OUT,
IT'LL KILL MY REPUTATION.
- OH, I'M TIRED, SIR.
I WANNA GO HOME.
- YEAH. MAYBE WE SHOULD
START A SIGNAL FIRE.
WE'VE BEEN WANDERING
AROUND FOR HOURS.
- LET'S FACE IT, SIR.
WE'RE LOST.
- LOST? RIDICULOUS.
MY TRUSTY COMPASS HAS
NEVER LET ME DOWN.
- HEH HEH HEH. WELL, THERE'S
A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
- LET'S TAKE A 5-MINUTE REST.
- PATHFINDER HEATHCLIFF
TO THE RESCUE.
- HEATHCLIFF! AW,
I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.
SIR, MAYBE HEATHCLIFF
COULD LEAD US OUT.
- HEATHCLIFF? ARE YOU KIDDING?
WHY, IF HE COULD LEAD US
OUT OF HERE, I'D--
I'D MAKE THAT FELINE FURBALL
SCOUT OF THE YEAR.
- [BLOWS WHISTLE]
- YAY!
- AND IT IS
WITH GREAT PLEASURE--
WELL, ALMOST--HEH HEH!--
THAT I NAME HEATHCLIFF
SCOUT OF THE YEAR.
- NOW THAT YOU'RE SCOU
OF THE YEAR, HEATHCLIFF,
IT'S UP TO YOU
TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR THE REST OF US.
OOH. MMM.
I'LL GIVE YA A GOOD EXAMPLE
OF HOW TO SWIPE A TURKEY.
- OOF.
LET'S GET HIM, MEN!
WHOA-A-A-A!
- A SCOUT'S GOTTA BE ABLE
TO HANDLE TURKEYS.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HOO HOO.
- VROOM. VROOM.
VROOM. VROOM.
- HEY, MUNGO, SLOW DOWN
OR WE'LL GET A SPEEDING TICKET.
- UH, SURE THING, HECTOR.
GOSH, I DIDN'T REALIZE
I WAS GOING SO FAST.
- [SINGING OFF-KEY]
I'M A REAL COOL CAT,
AND I'M ON THE PROWL ♪
YEOW
YEOW
YEOW
YEOW
- WORDSWORTH!
- I'M A CAT THAT'S HUNGRY
FOR FISH AND FOWL ♪
YEOW, YEOW, YEOW
- I GOTTA FIGURE OU
A WAY TO MAKE UP WITH CLEO,
AND IT'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING ROMANTIC.
- I MAKE ALL THE DOGGIES
BARK AND HOWL ♪
YEOW
YEOW
QUIET! I'M THINKING!
- YEOW, YEOW
- OHH.
OH!
THE QUEEN MILDRED.
THAT'S IT.
I'LL TAKE CLEO
ON A ROMANTIC OCEAN CRUISE
ON THE QUEEN MILDRED.
- YEOW, YEOW
- GRRR!
BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST.
WORDSWORTH!
- YEOW
YEOW
I'M A REAL COOL CAT,
AND I'M ON THE PROWL ♪
- PLEASE STOP SINGING.
YEOW
YEOW
I'M A FIGHTIN' CAT
NEVER THROWIN' IN
THE TOWEL-- ♪
YEOW!
WOW!
- RRRR.
- LEROY, MY BOY,
IT'S BEEN A JOY.
SO SORRY I ANNOYED YA.
- I'M GONNA DESTROY YA,
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM!
RRRR!
WHERE'S WORDSWORTH?
I'M GONNA MONGRELIZE HIM.
- DID YA HEAR THAT, GUYS?
LEROY'S GONNA MONGRELIZE HIM.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
I'MGONNA
MONGRELIZE HIM.
NOW, WHERE IS HE?!
- HE WENT THAT-A-WAY.
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
- LISTEN, YOU BANANAS,
I'M GONNA GO SEE CLEO
AND MAKE WITH
THE ROMANTIC MOVES.
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE
WHILE I'M GONE, WILL YA?
- WE'LL GO WITH YA.
- OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
WE'RE GONNA GO WITH RIFF RAFF.
WON'T THAT BE FUN, WORDSWORTH?
- DA-OOH!
DA-OOH!
DA-OOH!
DA-OOH!
- HIYA, CLEO.
I THOUGHT I'D COME BY AND ADD
A LITTLE SUNSHINE TO YOUR DAY.
- OH, YEAH?
THEN WHY'D YA BRING
THE RAIN, SLEET,
AND SNOW WITH YA?
- UH, THEY'RE LIKE A BAD COLD.
I CAN'T SHAKE 'EM.
LISTEN, I THOUGH
MAYBE YOU AND ME GO
DOWN TO THE DOCKS AND--
- IF YOU'RE NOT TRYING
TO IMPRESS ME,
YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.
- I WAS HOPING WE COULD
PATCH UP OUR DIFFERENCES
WITH A LITTLE ROMANCE.
- ROMANCE AT THE DOCKS?
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
I WAS THINKING ABOU
A LOVE BOAT CRUISE
ON THE QUEEN MILDRED.
- THE QUEEN MILDRED?
ARE YOUR BAD-WEATHER
BUDDIES COMING, TOO?
- OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
WE'RE GOING ON A BOATY.
- AHH
- LEAVE IT TO ME.
I'LL HANDLE THESE CLOWNS.
[SEAGULLS CRYING]
[SHIP'S HORN SOUNDS]
I TOLD YOU I'D GET RID
OF THOSE GUYS.
NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME
ON OUR LOVE BOAT CRUISE.
- YOU CAN'T GO ON
THE QUEEN MILDRED.
YOU JUST CAN'T.
- WHO ASKED YOU, COTTON HEAD?
- THE NAME IS BIFF,
MY DEAR BOY,
AND THIS IS BUFFY.
- YOU CAN'T GO ON THE SHIP
BECAUSE NO ANIMALS ARE ALLOWED.
- NO ANIMALS, HUH?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU,
2 SCOOPS OF VANILLA ICE CREAM?
- ISN'T SHE SWEET, BIFF?
HA. WE'RE NOT ANIMALS, DEAR.
WE'RE PEDIGREES.
- TRUE, TRUE, BUFFY.
IF YOU TWO INSIST ON BOARDING
THE QUEEN MILDRED,
WE'LL HAVE TO INFORM
THE PROPER AUTHORITIES.
- YOU INFORM THE AUTHORITIES,
AND I'LL INFORM
YOUR NEXT OF KIN.
- I WARN YOU, I KNOW KARATE.
- GREAT! MAYBE HE'LL VISIT YA
IN THE HOSPITAL.
SHALL WE, CLEOPATRA?
- YES, LET'S.
- [YOWLING AND YELPING]
- [YAPPING]
- LOOK OUT! OH, DEAR!
- HO!
- I THINK WE LOST THEM, BUFFY.
- I GOT A PLAN THAT'LL
GET US ON THAT SHIP.
- BUT RIFF RAFF SAID
WE COULDN'T GO.
- AW, FORGET ABOUT RIFF RAFF.
THIS PIANO IS GONNA TAKE US
RIGHT ONTO THE QUEEN MILDRED.
HURRY UP. GET IN.
- BOY, I ALWAYS WANTED
TO PLAY A GRAND PIANO.
- OUCH!
- OW!
- UNH.
- OH, MY NOSE!
- WATCH IT.
- OW.
- ALL RIGHT, IRVING.
TAKE IT AWAY!
- HEY, GUYS!
I DON'T WANNA GO BY MYSELF.
- JUMP, MUNGO!
WE'LL CATCH YA.
- I WISH I KNEW
WHY I LISTENED TO YOU.
UNH!
- OOF!
- GEE, THANKS
FOR SAVING ME, GUYS.
- OHH. WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
- WHEN YOUR FRIEND'S A CAT,
HE'LL LEAVE YA FLAT.
- THERE THEY ARE.
- OH, DEAR!
HERE ARE
THOSE HORRIBLE CREATURES.
- I BELIEVE IT'S
YOUR SHOT, RIFFY.
- OH, NO.
AFTER YOU, PLEASE.
- IF YOU INSIST.
- YOUR SHOT, RIFFY.
- OH, THANK YOU, DEAR.
- YEOW!
OH, NO!
COME ON!
- YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US.
WE'RE PEDIGREES.
AND YOU'RE RIFFRAFF.
- HOW'D HE KNOW YOUR NAME?
- BEATS ME, BUT I'LL
TELL YA ONE THING--
HE SURE WON'T FORGET IT.
- OHH!
- OHH!
- I GOT A BETTER WAY
TO GET ON THAT SHIP.
- YOUR PLANS ALWAYS
GET ME INTO A JAM.
- TRUST ME.
- OK, GUYS. NOW!
- RIFF RAFF, LOOK.
OH, NO.
- I PROMISED YOU ROMANCE.
- OH, NO!
- IF STUPIDITY IS CONTAGIOUS,
THOSE GUYS SHOULD
BE QUARANTINED.
- [GARBLED]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- [GARBLED]
UH, JUST THOUGH
I'D TAKE A BATH.
OOF.
- [GARBLED]
I SHOULD'VE KNOW BETTER.
HECTOR ALWAYS GETS ME WETTER.
- SHALL WE PROMENADE
THE DECK, MY DEAR?
- RIFFY, YOU'RE SO ROMANTIC.
[SHIP'S HORN BLOWING]
- WHEN YOU'RE IN AN AREA
WITH WILD ANIMALS,
NEVER FORGET THE WORD
"WILD" MEANS
- [ROARS]
- HUH?
- [ROARS]
- WILD! ANIMALS LIKE BEARS,
SNAKES, EVEN CUTE
LITTLE SQUIRRELS
ARE REALLY FUN TO LOOK AT.
BUT REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T PLAY
WITH THEM LIKE HOUSE PETS.
- [ROARS]
- YOUR MOTHER'S CALLIN' YA!
- MY MOTHER?
- WHEW!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU