Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e16 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
DELAY THE MYSTERY
CAN ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREA
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINALLY MEETS CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- [SNORING]
AHH!
BOY, THAT FELT GOOD.
UHLET'S SEE NOW.
FIRST, THE MORNING PAPER.
THEN, I THINK, A NICE,
CHILLED BOTTLE OF MILK
BEFORE BREAKFAST.
- SHH!
- RIGHT ABOUT NOW!
- WHOA!
- AH!
ISN'T LIFE WONDERFUL?
- LIFE STINKS!
- A GOOD DAY ALWAYS BEGINS
WITH A GOOD BREAKFAST,
PURR-FECT TREAT.
THE PURR-FECT WAY
TO START THE PURR-FECT DAY.
[SLURP]
HUH?
IT'S EMPTY.
EMPTY.
EMPTY!
EMPTY!
HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
THEY'RE ALL EMPTY.
NO ONE DOES THIS TO HEATHCLIFF.
I'LL TEACH THAT PERFEC
TREAT CAT FOOD CANNERY
TO MESS WITH ME.
- HEY, WORDSWORTH,
IT'S
- DUHHEATHCLIFF.
- [GRUMBLING]
- HEY, HEATHCLIFF,
WHAT YOU DOIN',
SLUMMIN' IT?
- WELL, IF IT ISN'
HECTOR, WORDSWORTH,
AND MUNGO,
THE WONDER NERDS.
- THAT'S NO WAY TO TALK
TO YOUR BEST FRIENDS.
- GET LOST, LOSER.
I GOT A BEEF.
I GOT A BEEF
WITH A CAT FOOD CANNERY.
- THEY JUST GOT A BIG,
MEAN HOG OF A DOG.
- WORDSWORTH, I'M SURE
HEATHCLIFF'S NOT AFRAID
OF SOME LITTLE WATCHDOG.
- BUT, HECTOR, THA
AIN'T NO LITTLE WATCHDOG.
THAT'S A GREAT, BIG--
MMMPH!
[MUFFLED]
GUARD DOG.
- UNLESS, OF COURSE,
HEATHCLIFF'S CHICKEN.
- EXACTLY WHA
DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?
AND, IN YOUR CASE,
I CHUCKLE WHEN I USE
THE WORD "MIND."
- WHERE THE CAT FOOD
IS CANNED,
FELINES ARE BANNED.
A BET WE CAN WIN,
IS YOU CAN'T GET IN.
- YEAH. IF YOU WIN,
WE'LL BE YOUR SERVANTS
FOR A MONTH.
- UH, YEAH.
AND IF YOU LOSES,
WE'LL BE YOUR SERVANTS.
OOH!
- NO, EINSTEIN.
IF HEATHCLIFF LOSES,
HE SERVES US BREAKFAS
IN BED FOR A MONTH.
DEAL?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO
WITH 3 INCOMPETENT SERVANTS,
BUT YOU SUCKERS GOT A DEAL.
- BUT, BOSS, YOU FORGO
TO TELL HIM ABOUT BRAHMA,
THE CANNERY DOG, WHO
MAKES YOU CRY FOR MAMA.
OUCH.
- EEEE
OW!
OOMPH!
- IN CASE I FORGO
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF,
I'M BRAHMA,
THE WATCHDOG,
AND IF YOU COME
BACK IN HERE,
YOU'LL BE NOTHIN'
BUT AN ORANGE SPO
ON THE FLOOR.
NOW, STAY OUT!
- WE USUALLY HAVE BREAKFAS
AT 8:00.
FRESH FISH
WOULD BE NICE.
- [HUMMING]
- UHMAYBE WE SHOULD
HAVE BREAKFAS
AT 8:00, BOSS.
MAYBE 8:30--OOH!
- "UHMAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE
BREAKFAST AT 8:30, BOSS."
SHUT UP.
- NICE WORK, BRAHMA.
IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'
NEED IN A CAT FOOD CANNERY,
IT'S CATS.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
WHEW!
- [SNORING]
- NO 2-BIT WATCHDOG IS GONNA
MAKE A CHUMP OUTTA ME.
- GRR!
EH HEH HEH HEH
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
- ARGH!
- HA HA HA!
MY LITTLE FIRE EXTINGUISHER/
BURGLAR ALARM
WILL COOL THAT CRAZY CAT.
- NOW, ABOUT BREAKFAST.
I WAS THINKIN' 7:30
MIGHT BE BETTER.
- YIPES!
- AAH!
- YEOW!
- HUH?
[ALL YELLING]
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
- YEE-AH!
OHH!
AAH!
- LOOKS LIKE
I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE OUR NEW WATCH CAT?
ALL THE CAT FOOD
YOU CAN EAT.
[BRAHMA GRUMBLES]
BRAHMA, YOU'RE FIRED!
YOU'LL GET YOUR SEVERANCE
STEAK IN THE MAIL.
I CAN'T HAVE A WATCHDOG
WHO'S BEATEN BY A CAT.
NOW, OUT!
- [GRUMBLING]
I'LL COME IN THE BACK WAY
AND TAKE THAT CA
BY SURPRISE.
LOOK OUT BELO-O-OW!
YE-O-O-O-OW!
- HA HA HA!
NOTHIN' LIKE A NICE,
CHEERY FIRE
TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.
- RUH RUH RUH!
I GOTTA GET BACK IN THERE!
THE MAIL TRUCK!
THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.
THIS PACKAGE DISGUISE WILL GE
ME IN THE CANNERY FOR SURE!
- HMM. MAILMAN MUS
HAVE FORGOT THIS ONE.
WELL, THAT'S I
FOR THE DAY.
YOU'RE IN CHARGE
TILL MORNING.
SEE THAT NO ONE GETS IN.
- UH, WHOOPS!
AH!
- YOUYOUYOU!
- BOYS, BOYS, LET'S HAVE
A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET.
[BRAHMA GRUMBLES]
- HUH?
- UH-OH.
- [GRUMBLING]
WHERE'S THAT CAT?!
I GOT A BONE
TO PICK WITH HIM!
- HERE, BULLY, BULLY.
HERE, BULLY, BULLY.
OLE!
- OH! OOH!
AH AH--WHOA!
OOH! WHOA! WHOA!
YEOW!
[GRUMBLING]
- LET'S G-G-GO SHOWER
SMELLING LIKE A FLOWER
GEE, THAT WAS FUN.
CAN I DO IT AGAIN, BOSS?
- [GRUMBLING]
GIVE IT UP, CAT!
I'M GONNA PULVERIZE YA!
YEE-AW!
OOF!
- SOME PEOPLE SURE KNOW
HOW TO RUIN A GUY'S DINNER.
CAN'T HE TAKE A HINT?
- [GRUMBLING]
WHUH!
OH! WHOA! WHOA-OH-OH!
WHOA-HOO!
OOF!
WHOA! OOH OOH OOH!
OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
- EMPTY?
IF I KNOW HEATHCLIFF,
I'D BETTER GE
TO THE CANNERY FAST,
BEFORE HE WRECKS THE PLACE.
- CAN I HELP YOU, SON?
- I WAS AFRAID EVERYONE
HAD GONE FOR THE DAY.
- YOU'RE LUCKY
I FORGOT MY LUNCHBOX.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YA?
- IT'S THESE EMPTY CANS
OF CAT FOOD.
- I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT.
DON'T YOU WORRY.
WE'LL MAKE IT GOOD.
HERE. A FREE CASE
OF CAT FOOD.
- GEE, THANKS.
[KABOOM]
- HUH?
- GEE!
- OK, WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS?
SHOW YOURSELF!
- [WHISTLES]
- JUST AS I THOUGHT.
YOU'LL WORK ALL NIGHT.
NOW, START CLEANING.
NOW, GET GOING!
- [SNORING]
OH, BOY, THAT FELT GOOD.
HMM. LET'S SEE NOW.
- YOUR
AHH
MILK.
- VERY GOOD.
AND MY, UH, PAPER?
- AHH!
YOUR MORNING
PAPER, SIR.
- UHGOOD!
GEE, BOSS, THIS IS FUN.
CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN
TOMORROW?
- GRRR!
AHH
I'M TOO TIRED
TO BOP YOU ONE.
- AHH!
- ALLOW ME.
- OOH, GEE.
WHY'D HE DO THAT, BOSS?
- DON'T YA HATE DAYS
THAT START LIKE THIS?
- [SNORING]
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.
YIKES! WHAT IS THAT?
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- BUTTON YOUR BEAK,
YOU WHACKO BIRD.
- HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA!
- HEY, NOBODY
LAUGHS AT RIFFRAFF.
YOU THINK
I'M PLAYING GAMES, HUH?
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- YOU THINK
IT'S FUNNY, HUH?
- AH! HA HA HA HA!
- ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY.
WE'LL SEE WHO
GETS THE LAST LAUGH.
WHOA--AH!
- [KISS]
- YECH!
OK.
OK.
SO YOU
GOT THE LAST LAUGH.
I GOTTA--[WHINING]--
GET SOME SLEEP.
THIS HAS GOTTA WORK.
[YAWNING]
- AH HA HA HA!
OOH HA HA HA!
- PERFECT.
I CAN'T HEAR A THING.
- [CLUCKING]
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
[MUNCHING]
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- YUP. IT'S THA
CRAZY LAUGH AGAIN.
IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE
RIFFRAFF'S FLIPPIN' OUT.
- YEAH, YEAH, MUNGO.
DEFINITELY THE LAUGH
OF A LOONY GONE GOONEY.
- SOUNDS LIKE WE MIGH
NEED A NEW LEADER,
'CAUSE SOMETHIN' FUNNY'S
GOIN' ON UP THERE.
COME ON. WE BETTER CHECK.
- AWK!
- I'D SWEAR I HEARD
THAT NUTTY LAUGH,
EVEN IN MY SLEEP.
YEAH! THAT'S IT.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN
A NIGHTMARE.
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU GUYS DOING
IN MY DOMICILE
UNANNOUNCED?
- AH, SORRY, RIFFRAFF,
BUT IN YOUR, UH, CONDITION,
YOU NEED HELP.
GET HIM, GUYS!
- MY CONDITION?
BACK OFF.
I DO NEED YOUR HELP,
BUT FROM A BIG,
GOOFY, UH, BIRD.
- OH, MY WORD,
A BIG, GOOFY BIRD.
HA HA HA HA!
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- YEAH, A BIRD,
AND THERE IT IS NOW.
- COME ON, GUYS.
WE'LL SHOW
THAT FEATHERED FREAK
NOT TO BOTHER OUR LEADER.
CHARGE!
All: WHOA!
[CRASH]
All: YEOW!
- HEY, THAT WAS FUNNY.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
- FUNNY, MY FOOT.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
LET'S SPLIT.
- WE'RE RIGH
BEHIND YA.
- WE'LL JUST HIDE
TILL THAT BIRD
FINDS SOMEBODY ELSE
TO DRIVE BONKERS.
- SOMEBODY ELSE?
I THINK IT'S A SHE,
AND SHE HAS EYES
JUST FOR YOU.
- HA HA HA!
- HUH?
- YOU DO HAVE A WAY
WITH THE CHICKS, YA KNOW,
EVEN BIG GOONEY ONES.
- COOL IT, FUR BRAIN.
COME ON. FOLLOW ME.
- SPLENDID HIDEOUT,
RIFFRAFF, MY MAN.
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
WHAT'S THE PLAN?
- WE'LL TAKE TURNS
SLEEPING AND GUARDING.
I'LL TAKE
THE FIRST SHIFT--
AHH
SLEEPING.
[SNORING]
- HOW COME HE SLEEPS
WHILE WE HAVE TO GUARD?
- LIKE, IT SHOULD BE
SIMPLE, EVEN FOR YOU.
6 EYES ARE BETTER
THAN 2.
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[CRASH]
- [SNORING]
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- THAT LAUGH.
I MUST BE DREAMING.
- [KISS]
- GUH!
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- WHERE'D THEY GO?
- IN HERE, RIFFRAFF,
WHERE IT'S SAFE.
[ALL SCREAMING]
- SWELL, HECTOR.
SAFE, BUT
YECH!
STINKY.
- OH, BOY
A FISHY.
- RUNNIN' FROM A BIRD.
MAN, WE'RE GONNA BE
LAUGHED OUTTA TOWN.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, HECTOR.
NO MORE RUNNING.
THIS MEANS WAR.
THAT JUNKYARD--
ON OUR OWN TURF THA
CRAZY FEATHER DUSTER
WON'T STAND A CHANCE.
RELAX, GUYS.
THIS'LL BE A SNAP.
AFTER ALL,
IT'S JUST A BIRD.
HA HA HA.
- "A RARE WAZOOLI WHACKO BIRD
RECENTLY ESCAPED
FROM THE ZOO, AND IT'S--"
- BIG DEAL!
SO, WHAT'S
YOUR BATTLE PLAN,
O GREAT LEADER?
- IT'S SIMPLE, HECTOR.
THE DEFENSE
TAKES THE OFFENSE,
WHICH MEANS,
WHEN IT SHOWS UP,
WE NAIL IT.
- OH, MY WORD,
THERE'S A REWARD
FOR THE BIRD.
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- OK, WHACKO, THIS
IS YOUR LAST LAUGH!
GIVE UP OR ELSE.
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- SO THAT'S YOUR ANSWER, HUH?
OK, GUYS, HERE'S THE PLAN.
[WHISPERING]
EVERYBODY KNOW THEIR JOBS?
OK, BATTLE STATIONS.
REMEMBER THE PLAN.
I'M THE DECOY.
AS SOON AS THE WHACKO
MAKES ITS PLAY, GET IT.
GOT IT?
- UH, GOT IT.
- GOT IT!
- THERE IT IS!
WE'VE GOT IT TRAPPED!
- UH, ONE WHACKO BIRD
COMIN' UP.
DUH HA HA!
- I KNEW YOU
WERE TAILING ME.
NOW IT'S MY TURN
TO LAUGH.
HA AND HA!
IT LOOKS LIKE
YOUR LAUGHING DAYS
ARE OVER NOW.
HEE HEE HEE!
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- YEE-OW!
AAH!
- OH, NO.
- I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR PLAN "B."
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- WHAT WENT WRONG?
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- PLAN "B"--
GO GET THE CAT BALLOON
READY FOR TAKEOFF.
- COME ON, RIFFRAFF.
YOU EXPECT TO CATCH
THE WHACKO ALL BY YOURSELF?
HA HA HA!
THAT'S A LAUGH.
- IT'S MY ONLY CHANCE--
HEE HEE HEE--
AND I PLAN TO CATCH I
WITH A LAUGH.
- OH, YEAH. YEAH.
- OH, SURE. YEAH. YEAH.
- OK, WHACKO.
NOW WE'LL SEE
WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH.
HEE HEE HEE HEE!
HEY, WHACKO, HERE I AM.
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
[KISSPOP]
- GREETINGS, WHACKO.
HAD ANY GOOD LAUGHS LATELY?
HEE HEE-HEE
HEE HEE HEE-HEE HEE-HEE.
[RECORDING]
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
HOO HA HA!
- IT WORKED!
AW, TOO BAD, WHACKO,
BUT YOU'LL THANK ME
FOR THIS LATER,
WHEN YOU'RE WITH
YOUR OWN WHACKY KIND,
BACK HOME
ON WAZOOLI ISLAND.
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- OOH, MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW IT,
BUT YOU SURE DID BLOW IT.
- THAT'S MY REWARD,
WORDSWORTH.
I LOVE
HAPPY ENDINGS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY
END WITH A LAUGH.
HEE HEE HEE HEE.
- DUH, ME, TOO.
ME, TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
- THE ZOO WOULD HAVE PAYED
US ALMOST ANY REWARD
FOR RETURNING
THAT WHACKO BIRD?
LIKE A FORTUNE
IN FISH SNACKIES?
- THAT'S THE GIG.
NOW YA DIG?
- HUH. SOME
HAPPY ENDING.
OH
THIS IS
A MISERABLE ENDING.
- NOT FOR THE WHACKO.
IT SOUNDED REALLY HAPPY
ABOUT GOING HOME.
AND, BESIDESAHH
I'M TOO TIRED TO CARE.
AHH
SLEEP AT LAST.
[SNORING]
- AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- HUH?
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, NO.
NOT AGAIN!
HUH?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
OH, NO!
- [KISS]
AH HOO HOO HA
HOO-HA HOO-HA!
- YUCK-YUCK.
- WHEN YOUR DOG IS OLD,
YOU CAN'T PUSH HIM TOO HARD,
ESPECIALLY
IF HE'S OVERWEIGHT.
- ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?
- UHRELAX, OLD FELLA.
YOUR OLD DOG NEEDS
REGULAR EXERCISE,
BUT REMEMBER NOT TO MAKE
HIM RUN, JUMP,
AND PLAY LIKE HE USED TO.
- [SNORING]
- THE BEST IDEA IS
TO TAKE YOUR OLDER DOG
FOR SHORT, EASY WALKS.
HERE, LET'S GO, OLD BOY.
- CATS AND COMPANY HAVE FUN
PLAYIN PRANKS ON EVERYONE
NEW ADVENTURES EVERY DAY
THE CATS WILL
ALWAYS GET THEIR WAY ♪
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
THEY ALWAYS HAVE
AN APPETITE ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
NEW ADVENTURES EVERY DAY
CATS AND COMPANY,
THEY CAN WIN IT WITH YOU ♪
- COOKIE JAR!
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]