Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e20 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE A MYSTERY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
AH-H-H
- MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
THOSE TONSILS ARE GOING
TO HAVE TO COME OUT, SON.
WE SHOULD CHECK HIM
INTO THE HOSPITAL
IMMEDIATELY.
YOU GO HOME
AND GET HIS THINGS.
I'LL MAKE
THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS.
- THANKS, DOC.
WE'LL SEE YOU
AT THE HOSPITAL.
- GEE, I WISH HEATHCLIFF
WERE ALLOWED TO VISIT ME
HERE IN THE HOSPITAL.
- NOW, DEAR, YOU KNOW
THERE ARE NO PETS
ALLOWED IN THE HOSPITAL.
- [HUMS]
MM.
MMM!
[SMACKING LIPS]
COCONUT CREAM.
MY FAVORITE.
I, UH, I HOPE
IGGY LIKES THIS KIND.
I SAVED HIM ONE.
- NO PETS ALLOWED!
- THEN WHO LET HER IN?
- BEAT IT, CAT!
[RUMBLING]
- YEOW!
[GRUMBLES]
[SNAP]
OOH!
OHH!
EEGH!
YAAGH!
YIEE!
- LOOK AT THAT CAT.
WHAT AN ACT.
- YEAH. HE'S PRETTY GOOD.
HE OUGHTA BE ON TV.
- OHH! OOGH!
AGH! WEEGH!
OHH-AGH!
- BRAVO! BRAVO!
- WHAT AN ACT.
- TERRIFIC!
- LET'S SEE SOME MORE.
[APPLAUSE]
- Nurse: YOU AGAIN?!
- UH-OH.
- I TOLD YA--
NO PETS ALLOWED!
[RUMBLE, BANG, CRASH]
- YEOW!
A FELLA COULD GET HUR
HANGING AROUND HOSPITALS.
- IT'S TOO BAD THA
HEATHCLIFF COULDN'
COME TO VISIT ME.
I WONDER
WHAT HE'S DOING NOW.
- THIS TIME,
I'M GETTIN' IN.
YOU CAN'T KEEP
A GOOD CAT DOWN.
- NURSE JOHNSON REPORTING
FOR THE SECOND SHIFT.
- GOOD, JOHNSON.
YOU'RE 5 MINUTES EARLY.
YOU CAN TAKE THE EAST--
HEY, YOU!
THERE YOU ARE.
- WHEW.
HMM?
- I'M TELLING YOU,
I SAW SOMEONE
GO INTO THIS SUPPLY ROOM.
DR. VON FRAUCH.
OH, I-I RECOGNIZED YOU
FROM YOUR PHOTOGRAPH.
- HMM. TSK TSK TSK.
- COME ALONG. THE DOCTORS
ARE WAITING FOR YOU
IN THE EXECUTIVE
LUNCHROOM.
I KNOW THE DOCTORS
WILL BE PLEASED
THAT YOU'VE ARRIVED EARLY
FOR YOUR LECTURE TODAY.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- GREETINGS, DR. VON FRAUCH.
IT WOULD BE AN HONOR
IF YOU WOULD JOIN US FOR LUNCH.
[SNIFFING]
- WOW! OOH!
- PLEASE, DR. VON FRAUCH,
BE SEATED.
[BELCHES]
IN YOUR REMARKABLE
PHARBACOLLA OPERATION,
DO YOU TWEAK THE PHARPEL
OR PHARB THE TWEAKER?
- [MUMBLING
WITH MOUTH FULL]
- AMAZING.
- THE MAN'S A GENIUS.
IS IT TRUE
THAT YOU DISCOVERED
A SCIENTIFIC USE
FOR THE PIKIFLATERAN?
- [MUMBLING]
- INCREDIBLE!
- COFFEE, ANYONE?
[BELCHES]
- AND NOW THE FAMOUS
DR. VON FRAUCH.
DR. VON FRAUCH,
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION
OF OUR MODES
LITTLE HOSPITAL?
[HICCUP]
[NAUSEOUS GROAN]
FIRST ON THE AGENDA
IS THE GOOD DOCTOR'S
FAMOUS LIVER OPERATION.
MOVING ALONG
TO DR. VON FRAUCH'S
FAMOUS CORRECTIVE
LEG SURGERY
BUT PERHAPS
THE MOST BRILLIAN
OF ALL HIS SUCCESSES
IS HIS WORK
WITH HAIR TRANSPLANTS.
- All: AH!
[MURMURING IN AWE]
- ONE QUESTION BEFORE YOU GO,
DR. VON FRAUCH.
- [MUMBLING]
- IN YOUR FAMOUS
LIVER OPERATION,
HOW LONG DID YOU
COOK THE ONIONS
BEFORE SERVING?
- [MUMBLING]
- All: YAY!
- IT'S YOU AGAIN!
- UH-OH.
GOING UP!
- IT'S NO FUN
BEING IN A HOSPITAL
ALL ALONE.
I'LL BET HEATHCLIFF'S
HAVING FUN SOMEPLACE.
- STOP, YOU IMPOSTOR!
- UH-OH.
HERE COMES THE CHARGE
OF THE HEAVY BRIGADE.
- ALLEY-OOP!
- YEOW-OW-OW-OW!
YEOW-OW-OW-OW-OW!
UH-OH. HERE COMES
TONS OF FUN.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
- UHH!
- [GIGGLING]
I'LL DUCK IN HERE.
- I'M SURE I SAW HIM
DUCK IN HERE.
HE'S IN HERE SOMEPLACE.
I JUST KNOW IT.
HUH?
- MEOW.
- THERE HE IS!
GET HIM!
YOU WON'T GET AWAY
THIS TIME!
- I HAVE GOOD NEWS
FOR YOU, IGGY.
- AS SOON AS DR. WILLIAMS
ARRIVES,
WE CAN STAR
THE CORN-REMOVAL OPERATION.
- OOF!
WHOA-OHH
AAH!
WHOA-OHH
AAH!
- [TARZAN YELL]
OHH.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- TA-DA!
UH, NO STARCH, PLEASE.
"615."
HEY, THAT'S IGGY'S ROOM.
- THIS WAY!
- NO, THIS WAY!
- TURN ON THE LIGHTS!
- WHOA.
- [ALL SCREAM]
- IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR IGGY NUTMEG,
HE'S CHECKED OUT ALREADY.
IT SEEMS HE JUST HAD
A SORE THROAT.
- OH, NO.
- WHOA!
NUTS!
- EXCUSE ME.
I AM DR. VON FRAUCH.
CAN YOU PLEASE DIRECT ME
TO THE LECTURE ROOM?
- IT'S THAT CAT! GET HIM!
- YIPES!
PLEASE, STOP!
YOU'RE MAKING
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!
- COME BACK HERE,
YOU CAT!
WHEN I SAY
NO PETS ALLOWED,
I MEAN NO PETS ALLOWED!
- TSK TSK TSK TSK.
[AUSTRIAN ACCENT]
NOW, IS THAT ANY WAY
TO TREAT A FAMOUS
VISITING SURGEON?
HEH HEH HEH!
HEE HEE HEE! NOW THA
I KNOW IGGY'S ALL RIGHT,
I'M GETTIN' OUTTA HERE.
BESIDES, I'M SICK
OF THIS HOSPITAL.
HEATHCLIFF,
YOU'RE ONE CA
IN A MILLION.
- WHERE'S RIFF RAFF?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE HERE AN HOUR AGO.
- IT SEEMS, TO THIS DATE,
RIFF RAFF IS LATE.
- RIFF RAFF'S
BEEN LATE A LOT LATELY.
HE'S NEGLECTING OUR GANG.
I THINK IT'S TIME TO MAKE
SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
- RIFF RAFF SHOULD BE HERE
TO MAKE THE OTHER GANGS
RUN WITH FEAR.
- WAS THERE A MEETING TODAY?
- THE MEETING
WAS AN HOUR AGO.
RIFF RAFF, WE HARDLY
SEE YOU ANYMORE.
ARE YOU LEADING
THIS GANG OR NOT?
- HECTOR, IF YOU DON'T LIKE
THE WAY I'M RUNNING THE GANG,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE OVER.
- WELL, IF YOU'RE
NEVER AROUND,
MAYBE I SHOULD BE
THE NEW LEADER.
- ALL RIGHT, HECTOR,
FROM NOW ON,
YOU'RE THE NEW LEADER
OF THE CADILLAC CATS.
I RESIGN.
- UHH! WHOA-OA!
- FROM WHERE I SIT,
I NEVER THOUGH
RIFF RAFF WOULD QUIT.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
REALLY LETTING HECTOR
TAKE OVER, RIFF RAFF.
- WE'LL SEE HOW LONG
IT LASTS, CLEO.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE.
- NOW THA
I'M THE NEW LEADER,
IT'S TIME TO SHOW LEROY
WE'RE IN CHARGE.
- WE'VE ALWAYS RUN THE SHOW.
LEROY JUST DOESN'T KNOW.
- WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME
HE FOUND OUT.
AS SOON AS LEROY
GRABS FOR THE BONES,
WE PULL THIS STRING
AND DROP THE CAGE,
THEN LEROY WILL BE TRAPPED.
[GOOFY LAUGH]
- WOW!
- WE'VE GOT HIM NOW.
IT'SIT'S NOT WORKING.
MUNGO! WORDSWORTH!
HELP!
[ALL GRUNTING]
[ALL SCREAM]
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- HEH. JUST A LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING,
LEROY, OLD BUDDY.
THIS TRAP
WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU.
- A TRAP?
SO THAT'S IT!
RROWW!
- WE'RE LEAVING,
OR WE'RE GRIEVING.
- RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
- RROWW!
RROWW!
- UH, COULD WE
TALK THIS OVER?
- MY, MY,
IT LOOKS LIKE HECTOR
HAS HIMSELF IN A REAL JAM.
I GUESS IT'S MY CIVIC DUTY
TO HELP THE POOR SAP OUT.
[WHISTLES]
- HUH?
OHH, WOW!
I'LL HAVE TO DEAL
WITH YOU LATER.
LOVE AWAITS.
HERE I COME, BEAUTIFUL!
YOU SEND MY HEAR
FLYING.
- LEROY, YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW RIGHT YOU ARE.
- WHO-O-O-O-OA-A-A-A!
[BOING]
YEE-AI!
WHY DO THESE THINGS
ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?
- WHEW!
- STILL THINK YOU'RE
UP TO LEADERSHIP, HECTOR?
- OF COURSE!
- GLAD TO HEAR IT.
BUT IF YOU NEED ME,
I'LL BE TAKING A NAP.
- OHH! OH!
I'LL SHOW HIM.
SHH!
RIFF RAFF IS ASLEEP.
- UH, ARE YOU SURE?
- HUH? AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
THIS HAD BETTER BE URGENT.
- WE GOT THIS LETTER
FOR YOU TODAY.
IT LOOKS IMPORTANT.
- IT'S FROM SOMEONE
I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS,
A CAT NAMED "SHORTY."
- SHORTY?
HE MUST BE A WIMP.
- YEAH, A WIMP.
- IT SAYS HERE THAT SHORTY
DEMANDS TO MEET WITH
THE LEADER
OF THE CADILLAC CATS.
IT MIGHT BE TROUBLE.
- I'M SURE WE CAN TAKE CARE
OF ANY CAT NAMED SHORTY.
- SHORTY WILL REGRET THE DAY
THAT HE GETS IN OUR WAY.
- IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
SHORTY WAS A PRETTY BIG CAT.
HE WEIGHED NEARLY
HALF A TON.
- HA-HA-HALF A TON?
NO. MAYBE NOT HALF A TON.
- SHWOO!
- ACTUALLY, HE MUST BE CLOSER
TO A FULL TON BY NOW.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
- MAYBE YOU COULD OFFER US
SOME ADVICE, RIFF RAFF.
PLEASE?!
- OH, NO, HECTOR.
I WOULDN'T DREAM
OF INTERFERING WITH
YOUR LEADERSHIP.
WELL, I WOULDN'T MIND,
JUST THIS ONCE.
- WELL, OK. MAYBE YOU OUGHTA
TRAIN FOR SHORTY'S ARRIVAL,
IN CASE HE STARTS SOMETHING.
- WE'LL DO IT!
- AND I'LL BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU
CONSTRUCT A REPLICA OF SHORTY
THAT YOU CAN PRACTICE AGAINST.
- DUH, YEAH.
THEN WE CAN GET SHORTY
BEFORE HE EVEN GETS HERE.
- THAT SHOULD DO IT.
- I THINK
YOU'VE GOT IT.
THIS IS EXACTLY
HOW I REMEMBER SHORTY.
- [GULP]
- NOW YOU'D BETTER PREPARE
TO DEFEND YOURSELVES.
- HOW WILL WE DO THAT?
- DO I HAVE TO FIGURE OU
EVERYTHING FOR YOU?
- DON'T WORRY. I'VE GO
EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT.
- I'LL ACCEPT ANY PLAN
FROM ANY CA
IF IT'LL STOP SHORTY
FROM STOMPING US FLAT.
- NOW, HERE'S WHA
WE'RE GONNA DO.
ONCE WE GOT HIM TIED UP,
WE HAVE HIM
RIGHT WHERE WE WANT HIM.
- UNLESS SHORTY'S A DOPE,
WHY WOULD HE LET US
TIE HIM WITH ROPE?
- WE'LL TRAP HIM
BEFORE HE CAN STOP US.
THEN, ONCE WE
HAVE HIM TIED UP,
WE WON'T LET HIM GO
UNTIL HE SURRENDERS.
- IF SHORTY WON'T GIVE UP,
I'LL STOMP HIM.
I'LL LIFT HIS LEG.
- WATCH OUT!
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!
- IF THIS IS MAKING IT,
MY PAIN IS FAKING IT.
- DON'T WORRY.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PLAN.
- DUH, OH, NO,
NOT ANOTHER PLAN.
- READY! CHARGE!
- WE'LL SMILE, NOT FROWN,
WHEN WE KNOCK SHORTY DOWN.
- SHORTY'S ESCAPED?
- NO, HE HASN'T. FOLLOW ME.
WHEN I SIGNAL,
WE ALL LET GO OF
THE BATTERING RAM.
NOW!
- DUH, NOW WHAT WAS I
SUPPOSED TO DO? OOF!
- CAN I OFFER YOU
SOME CAT FOOD?
- WAAA-AY!
- WATCHING HECTOR
TRY AND LEAD THE GANG
IS MORE ENTERTAINING
THAN GOING TO THE MOVIES.
- AND LESS EXPENSIVE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS BEFORE.
WE'LL PROGRAM THE ROBO
TO FIGHT SHORTY FOR US.
- THEN THE ROBOT AND HIS FUSES
CAN TAKE ALL OUR BRUISES.
- WITH THIS
REMOTE-CONTROL DEVICE,
THE ROBOT WILL PROTECT US
FROM SHORTY.
ALL I GOTTA DO
IS PUSH THIS BUTTON.
WE'LL TEST THE ROBOT'S
STRENGTH BY HAVING HIM
PUT OUR CAR BACK.
- DUH, THIS LOOKS LIKE FUN.
LET ME TRY.
- THE ROBOT'S
COMING RIGHT AT US!
QUICK! MUNGO, STOP IT!
- DUH, I'M TRYING!
I'M TRYING!
- RUN! RUN!
OH, NO!
WE'LL NEVER DIG THE ROBO
OUT IN TIME.
- ANOTHER PLAN
THAT GETS US IN A JAM.
- HEY, YOU GUYS.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR ROBOT'S
LYING DOWN ON THE JOB.
SHORTY SHOULD BE HERE
ANY MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
- WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO
FACE SHORTY BY OURSELVES.
RIGHT, GUYS?
RIFF RAFF,
I'VE BEEN DESERTED.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
- I'D LOVE TO, HECTOR,
BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTRUDE.
IF THERE'S ONE THING
I RESPECT, IT'S LEADERSHIP.
- RIFF RAFF, I'M SORRY
I EVER QUESTIONED YOU.
WE NEED YOU.
WOULD YOU PLEASE
LEAD US AGAIN?
- ALL RIGHT, HECTOR,
IF YOU REALLY FEEL THAT WAY.
- NOW THAT YOU'RE LEADING US
AGAIN, RIFF RAFF,
I'M SURE WE HAVE NOTHING
TO FEAR FROM SHORTY.
- DID I HEAR SOMEONE
MENTION MY NAME?
RIFF RAFF,
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- SHORTY!
- THIS IS SHORTY?
RIFF RAFF, YOU SAID SHORTY
WEIGHED A TON.
- DID I? HE MUST'VE
GONE ON A DIET.
- WHY, YOU!
- THE REASON I'M HERE
IS I HEARD
SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO
TAKE OVER YOUR GANG,
RIFF RAFF.
AND I WANTED TO HEAR
WHAT WAS HAPPENING
DIRECTLY FROM YOU.
- WELL, YOU HEARD RIGHT,
SHORTY.
FROM NOW ON, I'M THE LEADER
OF THIS GANG.
- OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
BECAUSE I'M HERE
TO MAKE SURE THAT DON'T HAPPEN.
- OH, THAT'S REALLY FUNNY,
SHORTY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
- WELL, I MIGHT DO THIS.
- AAIII!
- YEESH!
- YEESH!
- OR THIS.
- AAH-AH-AH!
- AND IF THAT DIDN'T WORK,
I'D HAVE TO GET ROUGH.
- UH, THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY.
RIFF RAFF'S
OUR ONE AND ONLY LEADER.
- SORRY TO BE SO ROUGH
ON YOU, HECTOR.
BUT A GUY MY SIZE HAS TO
LEARN TO DEFEND HIMSELF.
- I COULDN'T HAVE SAID I
BETTER MYSELF.
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME,
GOLDFISH HAVE TO EAT ENOUGH FOOD
TO BE AT THEIR BEST.
AND IF IT'S UP TO YOU TO GIVE
SOME FISH THEIR DAILY FOOD,
DO IT RIGHT.
GIVE THEM JUST ENOUGH.
YOU SEE, SPIKE HERE
HAS FED HIS FISH TOO MUCH FOOD.
- [BELCHES]
- SO REMEMBER, FOLLOW
THE INSTRUCTIONS
OR ASK THE FOLKS
AT YOUR PET STORE
HOW BEST TO FEED YOUR FISH.
AW, YOU OUGHT TO BE ON A DIET.
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE A MYSTERY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- COOKIE JAR!
HA HA HA HA HA.