Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e19 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME WILL
REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
A MYSTERY ♪
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINDING EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL
EVENING,
HEATHCLIFF.
WILL I SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT?
ONLY IF I'M BREATHING.
G'NIGHT, TOOTS.
CAN'T GO HOME
I CAN IMAGINE IGGY
PRACTICING HIS TROMBONE LESSON
ALL NIGHT LONG.
HMMM
TOO BAD I GOT A WEAKNESS FOR
MUSIC LOVERS.
I KNOW, THAT OLD EMPTY LOT!
THIS LOOKS LIKE
A NICE QUIET SPOT.
WELL FERGUSON, HOW'S I
COMING?
YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ONLY
TWO WEEKS LEFT TO FINISH THE
HOUSE.
WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO MOVE
TWICE.
AFTER ALL, IT WOULD BE SO
UPSETTING TO JOSEPHINE,
HERE.
AND BELIEVE ME [YAWN] WHEN I'M
UPSET,
EVERYBODY IS UPSET!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING, MR
AND MRS. MAGILL.
WHEW!
IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN FISH
AROUND HERE.
I WONDER WHY THE MAGILLS DON'
NOTICE?
I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT HE IS
NOT REFERRING TO MY FAVORITE
PERFUME, EAU DE CANNERY!
I HAD IT IMPORTED SPECIAL!
I ASSURE YOU THIS HOUSE WILL
BE FINISHED IN TWO WEEKS AS
PROMISED!
[SHOUTING] ALL RIGHT MEN!
LET'S GET TO WORK!
[JACKHAMMERING]
YOW!
WOW!
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
DON'T KEEP TRACK OF THINGS?
I WAS SLEEPING IN THE WAY OF
PROGRESS.
MMM
SOMETHING AROUND HERE SMELLS
LIKE ROTTEN FISH!
I HAVE TO VISIT THIS BLOCK
MORE OFTEN.
BUT RIGHT NOW I'VE GOTTA FIND
A PLACE TO SLEEP.
PERFERABLY ONE WITHOUT A
HOUSING PROJECT GOING ON.
HEY, LOOK BOYS!
WE WOKE UP A CAT!
[LAUGHING] MAYBE HE WANTS TO
HELP BUILD THE HOUSE.
HERE, BOY, YOU WANT A NICE
RIDE IN THE CEMENR MIXER?
[LAUGHING]
THESE COMEDIANS ARE
GONNA BE SORRY!
UH!
I GOTTA WASH THIS QUICK-DRYING
CEMENT OFF BEFORE IT HARDENS!
WHEN THEY SAID THAT CEMENT IS
QUICK DRYING,
THEY WEREN'T FOOLING!
I'LL GET YOU, CAT!
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I NEED A LITTLE HELP, AND YOU
ARE THE LITTLEST HELP I COULD
THINK OF.
HELP YOURSELF CAT!
I GOT PROBLEMS OF MY OWN.
FOR INSTANCE, SORE FEET FROM
BEING CHASED BY YOU!
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TROUBLE
IS,
MOUSE.
HELP ME OR FIND OUT JUST HOW
BAD YOUR PROBLEMS CAN GET.
OH YEAH?
YEAH!
YOU'RE GONNA WISH ALL YOU HAD
WAS TIRED FEET.
ALL RIGHT, YA BIG BULLY.
IS IT WORTH A HALF A POUND OF
CHEESE?
WELL SURE.
I AIN'T UNREASONABLE.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
[WHISPERING]
LOOK AT THAT.
I WONDER WHERE HEATHCLIFF IS
GOING WITH THAT ARMY OF MICE?
GO GET 'EM, BOYS!
FOR CHEESE AND TIRED FEET!
WHAT KIND OF CAT IS THAT,
ANYWAY?
HE EVEN HAS MICE ON HIS SIDE!
WHOOPS!
THANKS, HEATHCLIFF.
[WHISTLES]
KEEP IT MOVING,
BOYS.
IN THE MORNING, THERE'LL BE A
NICE LITTLE SOMETHING IN YOUR
MOUSE HOLE FROM A GRATEFUL
HOUSEHOLD.
THERE HS IS, SPIKE!
THERE'S THAT OL' DOG CATCHER
RUNNING DOWN THE STREET WITH
HIS BIG NET!
[WHIMPERING]
AND YOU KNOW WHO
HE'S AFTER, SPIKE?
NO.
WHY HE'S AFTER YOU, SPIKE!
NO.
HERE COMES THE DOG CATCHER!
LOOK OUT, MEN!
HERE COMES THAT CAT AGAIN!
NO CAT'S GONNA MAKE A FOOL OU
OF ME!
AS LONG AS I HAVE TOOLS, I'M
GONNA BUILD THIS HOUSE AS MANY
TIMES AS I GOTTA!
WELL THEN, MASTER BUILDER, I'M
JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE
YOUR TOOLS AWAY!
SPIKE'S OKAY FOR THE ROUGH AND
TUMBLE JOBS,
BUT FOR MORE DELICATE WORK, I
NEED SOMEBODY WITH A LITTLE
CLASS.
HEATHCLIFF!
I'M SO GLAD YOU STOPPED
PLAYING WITH THOSE NASTY OLD
MICE.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK
TODAY,
HEATHCLIFF?
THAT'S A WONDERFUL DIREECTION.
I KNOW WE'VE HAD SOME
PROBLEMS,
MEN, BUT AS LONG AS WE HAVE
OUR TOOLS,
WE CAN MEET ANY DEADLINE, EVEN
ONE THAT'S TWO WEEKS AWAY!
WELL, HERE WE ARE, HEATHCLIFF.
TIME FOR MY FAMOUS
DISAPPEARING TOOL TRICK.
NO CAT IS GOING TO STOP US!
IF THOSE GUYS HADN'T LAUGHED
AT ME I COULD BE SLEEPING IN
THIS CARRIAGE INSTEAD OF
HIDING HARDWARE IN IT!
AND TOGETHER WE CAN GET THIS
JOB DONE!
ISN'T THAT CUTE!
HEATHCLIFF IS PLAYING HIDE AND
GO SEEK WITH THE WORKMAN'S
TOOLS!
MARCY'S TERRIFIC.
I'M GLAD SHE'S ON MY SIDE.
BETTER GO DOWN, BABY.
IT'S DANGEROUS UP HERE.
MIGHT FALL DOWN GO BOOM!
WHAT HAS BABY GOT BEHIND HIS
BACK?
BETTER GIVE ME THAT NASTY OLD
SAW BEFORE BABY CUTS HIMSELF.
YOWWW!
HE WAS RIGHT!
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOU
TOOLS!
[SNIFF, SNIFF] I SMELL
ROTTEN FISH!
[SNIFF!]
HI THERE, BIG,
STRONG, AND FURRY!
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
THAT ROTTEN FISH SMELL
IS EAU DE CANNERY!
MY FAVORITE PERFUME!
WELL FERGUSON, IT LOOKS AS IF
WE WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE INTO
THIS HOUSE IN TWO MONTHS, LE
ALONE TWO WEEKS.
PLEASE, GIVE ME A CHANCE!
I NEVER MISSED A DEADLINE
BEFORE.
IM' SORRY FERGUSON.
MRS. MAGILL, OUR CAT, AND I
WILL HAVE TO LOOK FOR A
DIFFERENT PLACE TO LIVE.
OH NO!
I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOU
THIS.
HEATHCLIFF, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I DON'T SEE HOW WE CAN HAVE ANY
FAITH IN A CONTRACTOR
WHO KEEPS HIS TOOLS IN A BABY
BUGGY.
IF I LEARNED TO CONTROL MY
TEMPER, THAT BEAUTIFUL CA
WOULD BE LIVING IN MY
NEIGHBOURHOOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, HEATHCLIFF?
POOR BABY! YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'VE
LOST YOUR BEST FRIEND.
[SNIFF] WHAT'S THAT? SMELLS LIKE
EAU DE CANNERY.
YEAH.
ANY CAT WHO WOULD WEAR EAU DE
CANNERY IS SOME KIND OF HUSSY.
I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU'D EVEN
LOOK AT A CAT LIKE THAT.
WELL I, UH, LOOK AT HER THE SAME
WAY I LOOK AT YOU.
HEATHCLIFF!
I MEAN, UH, I, UH, I LOOK
AT HER DIFFERENTLY THAN
I LOOK AT YOU. YEAH.
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS A FA
LIP.
THAT'LL LOOK GREAT ON MY BIG FA
MOUTH. YEESH!
OH LOOK AT THIS RIFF RAFF.
A PICTURE OF SKI MOUNTAIN.
OH, WOULDN'T IT BE OUTRAGEOUS
TO GO UP THERE FOR A SKI TRIP!
YEAH, THAT'D BE ALRIGHT.
WE COULD LIGHT A FIRE AND GE
REAL COZY.
YEAH, WOULDN'T THAT BE
ROMANTIC?
OH, LET'S GO, RIFFY!
YOU CAN ARRANGE IT, CAN'T YOU?
SWEETHEART, I CAN ARRANGE
ANYTHING!
I GET THE FEELING THIS ISN'
GONNA BE A FIRST CLASS TRIP,
RIFF RAFF.
AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE
JUST YOU AND ME.
WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING
THESE GUYS A LONG?
IT WON'T BE SO BAD, I NEED
THESE GUYS ALONG TO CARRY THE
SKI STUFF.
SKI MOUNTAIN, FIRST CLASS
MAIL.
HEH HEH HEH.
FARM EQUIPMENT, DESTINATION
AFRICA.
THAT GETS RID OF THESE
TROUBLEMAKERS ONCE AND FOR
ALL!
YAHOO!
LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA SKI.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE WARM FOR
SKIING.
[ANIMAL NOISES]
SAY, THIS DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE SKI MOUNTAIN.
WHERE'S THE SNOW?
SAY PAL, WHICH WAY TO SKI
MOUNTAIN?
HAHAHAHAHA! SKI MOUNTAIN?
THERE ISN'T NO SKIING FOR
MILES AROUND HERE.
YOU'RE IN THE WILDES
JUNGLES OF AFRICA, MY FRIEND.
HE HE HE HE HE HE HE.
AFRICA, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
WE'RE GOING SKIING AND THAT'S
THAT.
I DON'T THINK SO.
[LAUGHS]
I DON'T KNOW ABOU
THIS PLACE.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY
THE ENTERTAINMEN
WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
WELL RIFF RAFF HOW ARE YOU
GONNA GET US OUT OF THIS ONE?
YEAH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO,
WE'RE IN TROUBLE!
OK, EVERYBODY KEEP COOL.
I'VE GOT A PLAN.
HEY YOU GUYS, MY PAL RIFF RAFF
HERE'S GOT A PLAN,
AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO
ABOUT IT.
NOW, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE
GONNA DO [WHISPERING]
OK, ONE, TWO, THREE!
JUST A LITTLE MORE.
C'MON MUNGO.
C'MON LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
LOOK OVER THERE.
WE CAN RIDE THOSE BIRDS OUTTA
HERE.
STOP!!
THE CATS HAVE ESCAPED.
FIND THEM, DON'T LET THEM GE
AWAY.
HEY RIFFY, YA ENJOYIN' THE
RIDE?
GET THIS BIRD GOIN', CLEO.
THESE GUYS AIN'T LAUGHIN' ANY
MORE!
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
I CAN'T SEE A THING.
WE GOTTA SHAKE THESE HYENAS.
GET READY TO FOLLOW ME, CLEO.
GOTCHA RIFFY.
DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!
A SNAKE, YIKES!
AHHHH!!
WOOOO!
C'MON ABOARD BOYS, THERE'S
PLENTY OF ROOM FOR YA.
HEY MAN, WHATTA PLAN, WE LEF
THOSE DOGS ON THE LAND.
YEA, WE LEFT 'EM DIDN'T WE
GUYS?!
SURE MUNGO WE LEFT 'EM GOOD.
YEA FELLAS, YOU MIGHT SAY WE
LEFT 'EM HANGIN' HIGH AND DRY.
[LAUGHING]
LOOK OVER THERE,
THAT LOOKS LIKE A GOOD PLACE
TO PULL IN, I DON'T SEE ANY
TROUBLE.
WOOOOOOAAA!!
WHAT A RIDE!
[OUT OF BREATH] YOU CAN SAY
THAT AGAIN.
CAN WE DO IT ONE MORE TIME?
CAN WE CAN WE?
WOOOOOAAAAHH!
LOOKS LIKE TROUBLE AHEAD
RIFFY.
YEAH, BIG TROUBLE.
GOTTA THINK FAST.
PUT SOME CLAWS IN YOUR PAWS,
WE'RE GOING OVER THE FALLS.
THIS IS IT, HOLD ON TO ME
EVERYBODY!
NOW!
BOY, THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
BOY, THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
GET OUTTA HERE!
NICE GOIN', RIFFY, WE COULD'VE
BEEN GONNERS.
NO PROBLEM, NOW, LET'S GET OU
OF THIS PLACE.
NOT SO FAST.
SO YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GE
AWAY,
DID YOU?
WELL WE HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
WELL WISE GUY WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?
YOU GOT ME INTO THIS MESS AND
ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO SKIING
FOR THE WEEKEND.
WHADDA YOU EXPECT FROM ME,
WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE
TO DEAL WITH A BUNCH OF
HYENAS?
THAT'S IT, HYENAS, LAUGHING
HYENAS! YOU GET IT CLEO? THEY'RE
LAUGHING HYENAS.
WELL IT'S WORTH A TRY.
HEY CHIEFY, GOT A MINUTE?
YEAH I GUESS I HAVE A MINUTE,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
LET'S SAY THIS IS YOUR LAS
REQUEST.
[EVIL CHUCKLE]
SAY CHIEFY, DID
YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE
TRAVELING SALESMAN?
HEY CHEIFY IS THAT YOUR NOSE
OR ARE YOU EATING A BANANA?
I KNOW A CAT WHO BITES HIS
NAILS SO MUCH,
HIS STOMACH NEEDS A MANICURE.
OH NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
DO THAT, ARE YOU?
NO, PLEASE STOP, NO.
I KNOW A CAT WHO'S SO LAZY HIS
FEET HURT BEFORE HE GETS OU
OF BED!
HA HA, NO, STOP, PLEASE, NO
MORE JOKES,
HA HA HA HA HA
I KNEW A GUY WHO CARRIED
A CLUB TO A BALL GAME.
BECAUSE THE LIONS AND TIGERS
WERE PLAYING!
I KNOW A GIRL WHO'S SO CLASSY
SHE HAS ALLIGATOR BAGS UNDER
HER EYES.
C'MON GANG LET'S SCRAM!
LET'S ACE THIS PLACE WITHOUT A
TRACE.
BOOGA, BOOGA!
UMPH!
QUICK, LET'S GET ON THIS BOAT!
WELL THAT WAS SOME KIND OF
SKIING TRIP YOU TOOK US ON
RIFF RAFF.
YEAH, I WONDER HOW WE ENDED UP
HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO
BE ON THE SLOPES
BUT WE ENDED UP LIKE DOPES.
WELL RIFFY THIS IS THE FIRS
TIME WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO REALLY
REST IN A FEW DAYS.
YEAH, BUT ONE THINGS STILL
PUZZLES ME,
HOW DID WE END UP IN THE
JUNGLE WHEN WE WERE GOING TO
SKI MOUNTAIN?
ELEMENTARY MY DEAR BOY,
ELEMENTARY.
A FEW STROKES OF CRAYON, AND
YOU WERE RE-ROUTED.
YOU!
WHY WE WERE ALMOST FINISHED.
I'M GONNA MONGRELIZE YA YOU
MUTT!
WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA
MAIL YA TO THE MOON!
READY OR NOT HERE I GO!
OOF!
YIIIIIIIIPPPPPEEEESSS!
RUIN MY VACATION, WILL YA?
YOU'RE GOING ON A LONG TRIP,
LEROY!
LITTLE BIRDIE WIRDIE!
SPIKE'S GOTCHA!
LAY OFF THE BIRD BULB HEAD!
I ONLY WANTED TO HELP THE
LITTLE GUY!
HE'S SO CUTE!
BUT HE CAN'T FLY!
SPIKE, THAT BIRD'S A
FLEDGLING!
HE'S JUST LEARNING TO FLY!
IF YOU INTERRUPT HIS LESSON -
EVEN THOUGH YOU MEAN WELL -
YOU COULD HURT HIM!
SO LEAVE BABY TO THE BIRDS!
HE'LL BE HAPPIEST LEARNING
FROM MOM!
I GET THE POINT.