Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e27 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
DUMP HISTORY ♪
AND ALWAYS
HAVE AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH, OH-OH
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH,
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- COME ON, HEATHCLIFF.
YOU CAN HELP US
BUILD A SNOWMAN.
- UH-UH.
[SHIVERING]
- OK. IF THAT'S THE WAY
YOU WANT IT,
STAY IN THE CAR.
SCAREDY-CAT!
YOU'RE CRAZY
NOT TO COME WITH US.
- I MAY BE CRAZY,
BUT I AIN'T STUPID.
[SHIVERS]
[SHIVERING]
TIME TO CASE THE JOINT.
TAXI!
WHERE THERE'S SMOKE,
THERE'S FIRE.
- WHOA!
DARN CAT!
- AH, PARADISE.
AHH.
- I HOPE HEATHCLIFF IS OK.
HE MUST BE FREEZING
IN THE CAR.
- DON'T WORRY.
HE'S PROBABLY SOUND ASLEEP.
- GRR!
MOVE IT, FUR BALL.
- BUZZ OFF, SNOWBALL.
[YAWNS]
[MEOWING]
- YOU AGAIN!
- GANGWAY!
- WHOA!
- [STRAINING]
- [YAWNS]
- OK, ROVER, YOU'VE HAD IT.
[LAUGHS]
[HUMMING A TUNE]
4, 3, 2, 1.
LOOK OUT, CUSHION.
HERE I COME!
- [YELPS]
- CATCH YOU AROUND CAMPUS.
- [YELPING]
- GET OFF ME, YOU BIG OAF!
- AHH.
THIS JOINT ISN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR BOTH OF US.
- SO LEAVE.
[LAUGHS]
- [GROWLS]
- ALLEY-OOP!
- YOW!
- FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS.
- [GROWLS]
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- [BARKING]
- WHEE!
- [BARKING]
[MOTOR RUNNING]
- AH, PERFECT.
I'VE SEEN
SOME DUMB DOGS IN MY DAY,
BUT THIS ONE MAKES SPIKE
LOOK LIKE A GENIUS.
- [BARKING]
- GET ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIE.
- NOW YOU'VE HAD IT!
[VROOM]
I'M GOING TO PULVERIZE YOU,
YOU PIPSQUEAK!
- YEAH? YOU AND WHAT ARMY?
- YEOW!
WHOA!
OH, NO!
[SPLAT]
[SPLAT]
I CAN'T SEE!
UH-OH.
- YOU CAN'T FLY NEITHER.
[LAUGHS]
- [YELLING]
- STAND ON EITHER SIDE
OF THE SNOWMAN
SO GRANDPA
CAN TAKE YOUR PICTURE.
- LOOK OUT!
- YIKES!
- YOU CALL YOURSELF
A RESCUE DOG?
WHY, YOU COULD HAVE
HURT THESE CHILDREN.
- [CRIES]
OUR SNOWMAN'S BROKEN.
- WE SPENT ALL DAY
BUILDING HIM.
- YOU'RE A BAD DOG.
- [WHIMPERING]
- GO AWAY, YOU BAD DOG.
- [WHIMPERING]
WAIT TILL I GE
MY HANDS ON THAT CAT!
- [ECHOING]
A LITTLE BREAD, A LITTLE SALAMI,
A LITTLE CHEESE,
A LITTLE SPAGHETTI,
A LITTLE CHOCOLATE CAKE.
HEY, NOW, THAT'S WHA
I CALL A SAMWICH!
- [GROWLS]
DON'T RUSH ON MY ACCOUNT.
[GROWLS]
A CONDEMNED CA
IS ALWAYS ALLOWED A LAST MEAL.
- FETCH!
- [GROWLING]
- JUST HANGING AROUND?
- WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU,
THE ONLY THING LEF
WILL BE ORANGE LINT.
- FIRST LET ME ASK YOU
2 QUESTIONS.
NUMBER ONE--
WHAT'S IN THE BARREL
AROUND YOUR NECK?
- HOT CHOCOLATE!
WHAT'S THE SECOND QUESTION?
- ARE YOU TICKLISH?
- YES!
I MEAN NO!
[LAUGHING] OH, NO!
OH, STOP! OH, STOP!
OH, STOP!
PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!
HA HA HA! OH, NO, NO!
- HAVE A NICE FLIGHT!
- NOW WE'LL SEE
WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH.
- NEED A LIFT?
- YAAH!
- [PURRING]
BRR!
BOY, IS IT COLD.
BRR!
- [GROWLS]
- GEE, YOU LOOK UPSET.
- YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME
ONE CREAMED CAT.
- BE CAREFUL!
THERE'S SOMETHING BEHIND YOU.
- I'M NOT FALLING
FOR THAT OLD TRICK.
- I GAVE YOU
FAIR WARNING, DUMMY.
- YOU'RE CALLING ME A DUMMY?
- YOU'RE THE DUMBEST ONE
I'VE EVER MET.
- WHOA!
- THERE YOU ARE.
WE'VE BEEN LOOKIN'
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
- [YAWNS]
- BOY, YOU MISSED ALL
THE FUN AND EXCITEMENT.
- WE MADE A SNOWMAN,
BUT SOME BIG DOG SMASHED IT.
- AND I MADE I
ALL THE WAY DOWN
THE BUNNY SLOPE
WITHOUT FALLING.
- NO! NO! TAKE HIM AWAY!
- I WONDER
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM.
- IT LOOKS LIKE HE DIDN'
MAKE IT DOWN THE BUNNY SLOPE.
- [MOANS]
OH, NO!
- COME ON, HEATHCLIFF.
IT'S GETTIN' COLD.
- [BURPS]
AH, WARM AT LAST.
[SLURPS]
- NICE-LOOKIN' SHACKS, EH?
- YEAH. I WONDER
WHAT IT WOULD TAKE
FOR A CAT TO MOVE IN
TO ONE OF 'EM.
- BRAINS, GOOD LOOKS, CLASS.
- WHICH UNFORTUNATELY
RULES OUT MOST OF US HERE.
PLUS YOU FORGOT THE MOS
IMPORTANT THING, A RICH OWNER.
LET'S FOLLOW LITTLE
LORD MEOW-MEOW HERE.
MAYBE YOU CAN
GET YOURSELVES ADOPTED.
- COMMON ALLEY CATS LIKE YOU
CAN'T LIVE IN ONE
OF THE PENTHOUSES,
SO I MUST ASSUME
YOU'VE COME HERE TO TRESPASS.
- US? TRESPASS?
WHY, THANK YOU, YOUR LORDSHIP.
I DON'T MIND IF WE DO.
- LIKE, SUPER WOW!
THIS PLACE IS THE CAT'S MEOW.
- YEAH. THIS IS A GREAT PAD.
I FEEL LIKE
A REAL CAT OF PROPERTY.
- WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL
LIKE CHOPPED KITTY LIVER
IF YOU DON'
GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH?
WELL, WHO'S GONNA MAKE US LEAVE?
- FAUNTLEROY, ARE YOU IN THERE?
- FAUNTLEROY, EH?
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S
AS BIG A SNOB AS HIS PAL.
Mongo: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SNOB,
BUT HE SURE IS BIG.
- NOT TO MENTION HUNGRY.
- I JUST HATE MEALS
WHERE I'M THE MAIN COURSE.
QUICK! GRAB AN UMBRELLA
- YOW!
- YOW!
- AND JUMP!
- YOW!
- YOW!
- WHOA!
- WHOA!
- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO OPEN
THE UMBRELLA, NITWITS.
- OH! RIGHT!
GEE, THIS IS GREAT.
- WE'RE SAVED.
- WE'RE SAVED.
- AH, THIS IS THE LIFE,
AIN'T IT?
- HEY, LOOK,
CLEO'S MUSIC STORE.
- TERRIFIC. WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE DROP IN ON CLEO?
- [HUMMING A TUNE]
HEY!
- SORRY.
- SORRY.
- OOPS.
- UH, SORRY, CLEO.
- YEAH, SORRY, CLEO.
THIS WASN'T WHAT WE HAD IN MIND.
WE WERE JUST IN
ONE OF THOSE FANTASTIC NEW
PENTHOUSE CONDOS DOWNTOWN.
- I THOUGH
ONLY CATS WITH CLASS
WERE ALLOWED IN THOSE PLACES.
- MEANING WHAT?
- MEANING THERE'S NO CA
WITH THAT KIND OF CLASS
IN THIS PART OF TOWN.
- OH, YEAH? WELL, NOT ONLY
AM I GOING TO LIVE
IN A CLASSY CONDO,
I'M GONNA OWN
THE WHOLE BUILDING AS WELL.
- HOW ARE YOU
GONNA DO THAT?
- I'M GONNA BUILD IT.
LET'S GET A MOVE ON, GUYS.
- HUH?
- HUH?
- HUH?
- THE KITTY CONDOS
AT BEAUTIFUL JUNKYARD ESTATES.
OK, MONGO,
DIG OUT A LITTLE MORE.
WE GOTTA HAVE
A BIG, ELEGANT LOBBY.
- YIKE!
- RIFF RAFF,
THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.
I'M TELLING YOU, RIFF RAFF,
THIS WINDOW IS JUST NO GOOD.
- LOOKS OK TO ME.
- YIPE!
- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
- HEY! WATCH OU
FOR THE TREES, PLEASE.
Riff Raff:
OK, GUYS, START HER UP.
- THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.
- GREAT, HECTOR!
A LITTLE MORE!
OK! CUT IT!
- WE DID IT!
- AT LAST!
A PENTHOUSE OF MY OWN!
- WHOA! WHAT IS THAT?
- WELCOME TO KITTY CONDOS,
LEROY.
- NO WAY YOU'RE
GONNA TURN MY JUNKYARD
INTO A HIGH-RENT DISTRIC
FOR CATS.
- I WOULDN'T DO THA
IF I WERE YOU.
- AIN'T NO CAT GONNA TELL
THIS HERE DOG WHAT TO DO.
SOMETIMES A DOG'S GOTTA SHOW
THOSE CATS WHO'S BOSS.
All: LEROY, LOOK OUT!
- LOOK OUT YOURSELF.
OUCH!
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
- LIKE I WAS SAYING, LEROY,
WE'VE GO
A CATS-ONLY CONDO HERE,
WHICH LEAVES THE MARKE
WIDE OPEN FOR AN AMBITIOUS
DOG LIKE YOURSELF.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WHOA!
RIFF RAFF'S RIGHT.
I COULD OPEN MY OWN CLUB CANINE.
A SCHEME LIKE THIS
COULD MAKE ME RICH.
- OH, RIFFY, I'M SO EXCITED.
THE GRAND OPENING
OF YOUR VERY OWN CONDO.
- KITTY CONDOS ARE OFFICIALLY
OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
HUH?
- OH, BOY!
- OH, LET ME AT THOSE CONDOS.
I WANT ONE WITH A VIEW.
I WANT A 2-BEDROOM
WITH A SCRATCHING POST.
- OH, BOY.
- OH, BOY.
- OH, BOY.
- STEP RIGHT THIS WAY, FOLKS,
INTO THE EXCLUSIVE
CLUB CANINE.
- ALL RIGHT, FOLKS. GOIN' UP.
- OH, BOY.
- HERE WE ARE, FOLKS.
WE'VE GOT SOME LOVELY UNITS
WITH A VIEW
OF THE OIL REFINERY.
STEP RIGHT THIS WAY.
HEY, GUYS, COME ON.
I NEED SOME HELP.
- SURE THING, RIFF RAFF.
- AAH!
- AAH!
- NEXT.
- OK, FELLAS, WHO'S NEXT?
ONLY 2 VACANCIES LEFT.
- THIS IS THE LIFE,
AIN'T IT, LEROY?
- YOU SAID IT, BUDDY.
I GOT SO MANY BONES,
IT'S GONNA TAKE ME YEARS
TO BURY 'EM ALL.
- OH, HEY, RIFF RAFF,
WHERE'S THE TENNIS COURT?
- TENNIS COURT?
- IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
THERE'S A TENNIS COURT.
NO NET, NO RENT.
- OH, THAT TENNIS COURT.
UH, IT'S RIGHT OVER,
UH, UH, THERE.
OK, GUYS, EMERGENCY.
WE GOTTA BUILD
A TENNIS COURT NOW!
- OK, RIFF RAFF,
THERE'S THE NET.
- GREAT WORK, GUYS.
UH, TENNIS, ANYONE?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
NO SWIMMING POOL?
- UH
- NO SWIMMING POOL, NO RENT.
- NO PROBLEM, GUYS.
IT'S RIGHT THIS WAY.
- KEEP DIGGIN', TURKEY!
- YAAH!
- [LAUGHING]
- 40-LOVE.
- OUCH! HEY!
KNOCK IT OFF, FUR BALL!
- WHO ARE YOU CALLING
FUR BALL, DOG BREATH?
- SO HOW'S MY CAT OF PROPERTY?
- I CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH ALL OF IT.
THE TENANTS WAN
EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN--
TENNIS COURTS, SAUNAS,
WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING. HUH?
OH, NO!
- HEY, RIFF RAFF,
WHAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMEN
YOU RUNNING HERE?
IT'S GOING TO THE DOGS!
- HEY, LEROY! CAN'T A POOCH
EVEN SWIM IN PEACE HERE?
- OH, NO!
NOW, CALM DOWN, GUYS.
- I'M SURE WE CAN
SETTLE THIS PEACEFULLY.
- I WANT A PIECE
OF THAT CAT'S HIDE!
- [MEOWING AND BARKING]
- WELL, RIFF RAFF,
ARE YOU AS FED UP AS I AM?
- HUH?
- HUH?
- YOU GOT RID OF YOURS.
NOW IT'S MY TURN.
- FAIR'S FAIR.
[ALL YELLING]
- WHY'D HE DO THAT?
- YEAH. I THOUGHT HE LIKED
BEING A TYPHOON.
- CONGRATULATIONS, PARTNER.
- OUT OF BUSINESS AT LAST.
BUT WHAT'S CLEO GONNA THINK?
NO CONDO, NO GIRLFRIEND.
- NO WAY.
CONDO OR NO CONDO,
YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND.
- NOW SHE TELLS ME.
- THERE ARE PLACES
YOU DON'T WANT YOUR PET GOIN'.
NO!
THIS INCLUDES PLACES
YOU DON'T WANT 'EM TO BE
'CAUSE MAYBE HE SHEDS
ON YOUR FAVORITE COUCH.
OR IT COULD BE AN AREA DANGEROUS
FOR YOUR PET TO BE NEAR.
NO!
- NO!
- IT WORKS.
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI-I
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH, OH-OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU