Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e61 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
A MYSTERY ♪
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
YOU'LL SEE
FOR YOURSELF, MOM.
I'M TOP DOG
AROUND HERE.
AND YOU'LL BE
SO PROUD OF ME.
"TOP DOG".
WHO'S HE KIDDING?
EVERYBODY KNOWS
I RUN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
HOO HOO HOO
HOO HOO HOO.
ONE TOP DOG
COMING DOWN.
PICK YOU UP
AT THE STATION.
NOISE? WHAT NOISE?
I'LL HAVE
EVERYTHING READY
FOR YOUR ARRIVAL.
OK, MOM.
I GOT TO GO.
AAH!
GRR!
OK, SPIKE.
WHAT'S THIS BALONEY
ABOUT YOU BEING
TOP DOG AROUND HERE?
YIKES!
LET'S GE
OUT OF HERE.
THOSE TWO AGAIN.
YEOW!
[PANTING]
HEATHCLIFF,
I GOT A BIG FAVOR
TO ASK YOU.
YOU SEE, MY MOTHER
IS COMING TO VISIT,
AND I SORT OF TOLD HER
I WAS TOP DOG AROUND HERE.
AND I'D LIKE YOU
NOT TO DO ANYTHING
THAT MIGHT MAKE IT APPEAR
THAT I WASN'T.
UH, YOU MEAN,
LIKE THIS?
YABBLE BIBBLE
RABBLE BABBLE BABBLE!
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I'D LIKE TO HELP
YOU OUT, SPIKE,
BUT I DO HAVE
MY REPUTATION
TO MAINTAIN.
I'LL BRING YOU
LOTS OF FANCY FOOD.
SPIKE, I DO BELIEVE
WE'RE ON THE ROAD
TO POSSIBLE
NEGOTIATIONS.
BE RIGHT DOWN.
HERE I COME.
AAH!
BIBBIDY-BOOGIDY-
BOOGIDY-BOO.
DON'T FORGE
THE FANCY FOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
ANCHOVIES, CAVIAR,
IMPORTED SARDINES
IN TOMATO SAUCE.
SOLE ALMONDINE,
TUNA CASSEROLE,
SMOKED OYSTERS.
SPIKE, WHERE DID YOU
GET ALL OF THIS STUFF?
NEVER MIND.
IT'S ALL YOURS
IF YOU AGREE
TO BACK OFF WHILE
MY MOM IS VISITING.
HEH HEH HEH.
AHH.
WHERE IS SHE?
MAYBE MOM
MISSED THE TRAIN.
GEE, I SURE HOPE
I DON'T DISAPPOINT HER.
SHE'LL PROBABLY
TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME
AND THINK I'M FAT.
REOOOW!
REOOOW!
YOU HOOLIGANS
EVER TRY TO SWIPE
MY SUITCASE AGAIN,
I'LL REALLY
PUT MY FOOT DOWN.
MOM.
IT'S GREA
TO SEE YOU, MOM.
DID YOU
HAVE SOME TROUBLE
WITH THOSE CATS?
NOTHING YOUR OLD MOM
CAN'T HANDLE.
LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
YOU SURE
YOU'RE EATING ENOUGH?
YOU'RE ALL SKIN AND BONES.
OOH.
YOU'LL BE
REAL PROUD OF ME, MOM.
I'M THE UNDISPUTED KING
OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
AHH. JUST LIKE
YOUR FATHER.
SPIKE, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE GETTING
ENOUGH EXERCISE?
Y-OHH!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
UP THERE, SPIKE?
AND A-ONE, A-TWO,
A-TWREE.
UPSIDE-DOWN AEROBICS,
MOM.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
IMPROVES
THE CIRCULATION %100.
HEE HEE HEE HEE.
YOU WON'T BE
IN CIRCULATION FOR LONG.
KEEP IT UP, SON.
I'LL JUST GO INSIDE
AND UNPACK.
HOO HOO HOO.
YEOW!
HIYA, GENIUS.
[GROWLING]
MY, MY.
IT LOOKS LIKE
SPIKE HAS A VISITOR.
HI, MOM. UH, HOW'D
THE UNPACKING GO?
OH. JUST FINE.
WELL, MOM, I'M KIND
OF TIED UP RIGHT NOW.
I'LL SEE YOU
A LITTLE LATER.
I'M GLAD TO SEE SPIKE
HAS SO MANY PLAYMATES.
I JUST HOPE HE ISN'
TOO ROUGH ON THEM.
HA HA HA.
LOOKS LIKE HEATHCLIFF
FINALLY GOT TIRED
OF BUGGING ME.
THE TWERP.
MY, WHAT A CUTE BABY.
SPIKE, YOU MUS
SEE THIS BABY.
HE IS THE CUTEST THING.
Mom: HOW SWEET.
THE BABY'S LEARNING
TO SHARE HIS FOOD.
OHH.
HI, SPIKE.
THANKS FOR MEETING ME,
SONJA.
IT'S REAL IMPORTANT.
[SNIFFS]
THEY'RE LOVELY.
BUT YOU SHOULDN'
HAVE BOTHERED.
OH, IT WAS NO BOTHER.
YOU MIGHT SAY
I SORT OF PICKED THEM UP
ON THE WAY.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM,
SPIKE?
HOW CAN I HELP?
PLEASE, YOU GOT TO
TALK TO HEATHCLIFF.
HAVE HIM STOP TORMENTING ME
WHILE MY MOM'S HERE.
I TOLD HER
I WAS TOP DOG,
AND IF SHE
FINDS OUT I'M NOT,
SHE'LL BE
SO DISAPPOINTED.
AND HEATHCLIFF
WON'T LISTEN TO ME,
BUT HE'LL LISTEN TO YOU.
OH, POOR,
POOR SPIKE.
OF COURSE I'LL TALK
TO HEATHCLIFF.
A MOTHER'S RESPEC
IS VERY IMPORTAN
FOR A SON.
YOU WILL?
Heathcliff:
NO WAY.
HEATHCLIFF,
SOMETIMES IT TAKES
GREATER STRENGTH
OF CHARACTER
TO DO SOMETHING
THIS DIFFICULT.
IF YOU LEFT SPIKE ALONE
WHILE HIS MOM'S HERE,
WHY, THIS WOULD SHOW ME
A WHOLE NEW SIDE
OF YOUR WONDERFUL
PERSONALITY.
THAT'S RIGHT,
HEATHCLIFF.
WHO ASKED YOU,
FLEABRAIN?
SO IF I DID THIS
FOR SPIKE,
YOU'D THINK
EVEN MORE OF ME?
IT WOULD SHOW ME
A NEW LEVEL
OF MATURITY IN YOU.
OK, BUT ONLY
FOR A DAY.
THAT'S IT.
I'LL LET YOU
BREATHE EASY,
BUT ONLY
IN FRONT OF YOUR MOM.
OH, BOY.
THIS IS GREAT.
OK, BOYS.
SHAKE HANDS.
THANKS,
HEATHCLIFF.
Y-AHH!
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
THIS MEANS TO ME.
YES, MOM,
HEATHCLIFF IS MY
GREATEST ADMIRER.
HELLO.
I'M HEATHCLIFF.
UH, PLEASE,
DON'T GET UP.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
SPIKE'S TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE
BEING THE PRESIDEN
OF SPIKE'S FAN CLUB?
[MUMBLING]
UH, HE SAYS
IT'S A PRIVILEGE.
DON'T YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.
PEANUT BUTTER
AND LIVERWURST.
PHOOEY.
YOU MUST ADMIRE
SPIKE ENORMOUSLY.
WORDS ALONE
CANNOT EXPRESS
WHAT I FEEL.
OH, SPIKE,
I'M SO PROUD.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW STRONG
AND FULL OF CHARACTER
YOU ARE.
DON'T YOU AGREE,
HEATHCLIFF?
OH, UH, HE'S A CHARACTER,
ALL RIGHT.
OOPS. IT LOOKS LIKE
I FORGOT THE NAPKINS.
[GROWLING]
OH, SPIKE,
YOU'RE SUCH
A MESSY EATER.
I THOUGHT AFTER LUNCH
WE COULD ALL
GO FOR A STROLL DOWNTOWN.
NO, NOT ME. THANKS.
HEATHCLIFF WOULD LOVE
TO JOIN US, WOULDN'T YOU?
OH, SURE.
YEOW!
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
SUCH GET-UP-AND-GO?
WELL, IF IT AIN'T SPIKE
AND HIS NEW GANG.
IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW,
SPIKE HAPPENS TO BE
TOP DOG AROUND HERE.
SO WATCH IT.
SPIKE? TOP DOG?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU HEARD MY MOM.
YOU GUYS MAYBE WAN
TO STEP INTO THE ALLEY
AND DISCUSS
THIS SUBJECT FURTHER?
THAT'S MY BOY.
SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS.
BE BACK IN A SECOND.
WHY DO I
HAVE THE FEELING
I'M MAKING
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
THERE'S NO WAY
SPIKE CAN LICK
THOSE FOUR MUGS.
OH, SONJA
WILL BE MAD
IF I LET HIM
GET CLOBBERED.
OH. DON'T GO IN THERE.
YOU MIGHT GET HURT.
COME AND GET US,
TOP DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
CHECK OU
THE DUMB-LOOKING CAT.
[LAUGHTER]
All: HEATHCLIFF?
LET THEM HAVE IT,
SPIKE.
AH, SPIKE,
YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
WAIT TILL I TELL
EVERYONE BACK HOME.
BOY, SPIKE, ARE YOU
EVER GOING TO GET IT.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
SPIKE.
AND DON'T BE TOO MUCH
OF A BULLY
WITH YOUR
LITTLE CAT FRIEND.
REMEMBER, YOU MUST BE
COMPASSIONATE
TO THOSE WHO AREN'
AS GIFTED AS YOU ARE.
SURE, MOM.
I SAID MOVE I
WITH THAT SUITCASE.
YEOW!
[HONKS]
BYE, SPIKE.
AND HEATHCLIFF,
TAKE CARE OF MY SON
FOR ME, WON'T YOU?
OH, DON'T WORRY.
I WILL.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
BYE-BYE, MOM.
[SNIFFS]
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE
IF I HAD 5 SECONDS
HEAD START?
[GROWLING]
BYE, MOM.
[BELL RINGING]
[SNORING]
WHOA!
HEY, WATCH IT.
WHAT? HUH? WHO?
[MEOWING]
[RINGING]
RISE AND SHINE.
PUT YOUR BEDS IN LINE.
PUT YOUR 2 FEET--
WHOA!
ON THE FLOOR.
I THINK THERE'S
A LITTLE LEFT TO EAT.
THIS?
THIS YOU CALL
BREAKFAST?
HOW CAN I BE SEEN
EATING A BEAN?
WE GOT TO FIGURE OU
A WAY
TO MAKE SOME
BIG MONEY, QUICK.
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.
GET MOVING. WE'VE GO
TO GET THE WANT ADS.
BOMBS AWAY.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT?
I GOT IT.
DUH, I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
GIVE ME.
I GOT IT.
IT'S MINE.
THIS IS THE ANSWER
TO OUR FOOD SHORTAGE.
NOT TO MENTION FAME, AND--
SO WHO'S THE CA
IN THE HAT?
[SNAPPING]
SAMMY SHORT,
THE BEST DANCER
IN THE WORLD.
DUH, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE THE BEST DANCER
IN THE WORLD.
I AM, BUT I DON'T LIKE
GOING ON THE ROAD.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
YOU GUYS
WOULD BE PERFECT.
FOR WHAT?
AS DANCERS
IN SAMMY'S COMPANY.
HE'S HOLDING
AUDITIONS NEXT WEEK.
I'M READY TO TAKE FLIGH
AND SEE THE SIGHTS.
LONDON, PARIS,
TOKYO, HERE WE COME.
WHOA!
[THUD]
YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO NEED
A LOT OF PRACTICE
AND TALENT.
THIS IS OUR BIG CHANCE
TO BE STARS.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO FIRST?
WELL, YOU NEED
THE RIGHT CLOTHES
AND A PLACE TO REHEARSE.
BUT WE AIN'
GOT THE BREAD
TO GET NEW THREADS.
LOOK AROUND.
THE BEST CLOTHES
IN THE WORLD
ARE RIGH
AT YOUR PAWTIPS.
[SNORING]
NOW WHAT?
DUH, WHA
DO YOU THINK?
Hector: NOT BAD.
NOT GOOD.
CHECK THIS OUT.
THAT'S ONE CUCKOO TUTU.
LOOK, MA,
I'M DANCING.
[SIGHS]
All: TA-DA!
MOTHER TOLD ME
THERE'D BE DAYS LIKE THIS.
I TOLD YOU,
NO MOVING THE STUFF.
CALM DOWN, LEROY.
THE BOYS
ARE JUST PRACTICING
THEIR DANCING.
NOT ON MY TURF,
THEY AIN'T.
NOTHING GETS MOVED.
AND WE EVEN HAD
A PEACE OFFERING
FOR YOU.
WOWEE!
FETCH.
HE AIN'T GOING TO LET US
REHEARSE HERE.
NOT ONLY IS HE
GOING TO LET YOU REHEARSE,
HE'S GOING TO CLEAN
AN AREA FOR US.
IT'S NOT NICE
TO PLAY TRICKS ON ME.
I WAS JUST WHETTING
YOUR APPETITE.
FETCH, BOY.
NOW ALL WE NEED
IS A LITTLE DANCE MUSIC.
I GOT MY
NONSTOP BEBOP.
YEAH, BUT WE
CAN'T HEAR IT.
NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER
OF INVENTION.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
RIFF RAFF'S SUCH A GAS.
OK. LET ME SHOW YOU
A FEW BASIC STEPS.
OOF.
OW.
AH.
WELL,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED
MORE HELP
THAN I CAN GIVE YOU.
I'M GOING TO GE
CLEO.
I CAN'T FACE THE WORLD
IF I'M TAKING LESSONS
FROM A GIRL.
YOU'LL BE LUCKY
IF I CAN GET HER.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
WAIT A MINUTE.
I HEAR A WOODPECKER.
HI, BUSH.
HOLD IT.
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
IN HERE.
BEAT IT.
FETCH IT, BUSH.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
HA HA HA.
HOW IS I
YOU CAN NEVER MAKE
A QUIET ENTRANCE?
IT'S NOT MY STYLE.
I GOT GOOD NEWS,
CLEO.
YOU WON THE LOTTERY.
BETTER. I GOT A PLAN
TO SEND THE GUYS
ON THE ROAD
PERFORMING
WITH SAMMY SHORT.
BUT SAMMY IS A DANCER.
THOSE THREE CATS CAN'
EVEN WALK STRAIGHT.
ALL THEY NEED
IS FOR YOU TO COACH
THEM FOR A WEEK.
THEN IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME, BABY.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR
TINY LITTLE MIND?
THERE'S NO WAY
THAT I'M GETTING INVOLVED.
COME ON.
GET THOSE LEGS UP.
34.
OHH.
1234.
1234.
CAN'T YOU GUYS
COUNT TO 4?
DUH, 13
UH, ELEVENTEEN.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
TAKE 5, GUYS.
DON'T QUIT NOW.
THE AUDITION IS TOMORROW.
DID YOU SEE THEM?
ROCKS HAVE MORE RHYTHM
THAN THESE TURKEYS.
LET'S GIVE THEM
A LITTLE INSPIRATION.
HIT IT.
[FAST MUSIC PLAYS]
Cleo: NOW THIS
IS MORE LIKE IT.
SEE? IT'S EASY.
GET DOWN, CLEO.
All: YAY!
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!
YAY!
WAY TO GO.
YOU GUYS SHOULD AUDITION
INSTEAD OF US.
YOU HAVE IT MADE
IN THE SHADE.
AND YOU CAN
DANCE GOOD, TOO.
THEY HAVE A POINT,
YOU KNOW.
WE COULD AUDITION.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
I THOUGHT THE PLAN
WAS TO LOSE
YOUR SHADOWS.
LET'S FACE IT.
THEY DON'
HAVE A PRAYER,
BUT WE COULD DO IT.
I DON'T KNOW, RIFFY.
WE'D BE PRESENTED
TO ROYALTY.
EAT IN THE BES
RESTAURANTS.
WELL
NEXT.
Sammy Short: NEXT.
I'M SCARED, RIFFY.
HE'S GOING TO LOVE US.
WARM UP THOSE
DANCING SHOES,
SAMMY SHORT IS
CALLING YOUSE.
GOOD LUCK--OOPS.
IT'S BAD LUCK TO SAY
"GOOD LUCK" IN SHOW BIZ.
Short: NEXT.
I HOPE YOU
BREAK BOTH LEGS.
BEGIN.
AH-CHOO.
CATS? AH-CHOO.
WHO LET THOSE CATS
IN--AH-CHOO--HERE?
I THOUGHT THIS WAS
AN OPEN AUDITION.
I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS.
AH-CHOO.
GET THEM OUT OF HERE.
GET ME A DOCTOR.
All: AAH!
ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEAS?
Leroy: AND HERE THEY ARE,
THE STARS OF THE SHOW,
RIFF RAFF AND CLEO.
[APPLAUSE]
ANOTHER SOLD-OUT HOUSE.
[CHEERING]
IT MAY NOT BE PARIS,
BUT IT IS HOME.
Crowd: YAY!
BRAVO!
YAY!
HOORAY!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
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THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION