Hellfjord (2012) s01e07 Episode Script

Episode 7

Mewling quim!
It's no sea serpent.
I think it's a submarine
Bosse has smuggled loads of drugs.
It's Fiks.
-What's up?
-I must return to Oslo.
Go back to Oslo
and meet up with your boss,
report what you've seen here,
and ask him to send you back.
It's about Hellfjord.
There is someone in this room
who has read too much Donald Duck.
It's quiet without Salmander.
Oh my god.
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
What is this?
This is no fucking fish eye.
Chop off an arm and a leg,
and blame the sea serpent.
Thank you so much!
-How did you know I was here?
-It's the harpoon clubs weekly meeting.
-Damn fine shot, Kobba!
They're a bunch of dicks.
You cant run around on the beach
with a lot of strange men, you know.
Silly boy.
Run home to ma
and have a cup of hot cocoa.
-Did you see what happened?
Practiced on that for a while.
My god, are you here?
Thanks for the cow.
My pleasure.
So she died.
Great book.
I've got something to tell you.
Since I was given notice and went south,
I have not been lazing about.
Just so you know.
I know how Hellfish operates.
-Do tell, then.
Hellfish, normal fish plant
in the daytime.
People fillet and deport fish,
and everyone's happy.
At night things are very different.
There's talk of a sea serpent
outside Hellfish.
It's no sea serpent
It's a submarine.
A submarine transporting heroin
to Hellfjord, and over to Hellfish.
Huge deliveries of cactus-lice arrive
at Hellfish. Nobody knows why.
The lice are mixed with remains of
pigs' bones in large pans and heated up.
At boiling point,
a jelly-like substance is created.
The substance is called gelatin.
They put tiny black ampoules with heroin
into gelatin containers in cold storage.
When they're taken out,
they're fake fish eyes.
They replace the real eyes with the
fake ones, and box the fish.
The fish with heroin eyes is marked
with an x and sent out in Norway.
Quite a perfect plan, but they didn't know
a perfect policeman was behind.
Well, wasn't behind, but
stood behind or in front.
Uncovered stood somewhere
and uncovered everything.
-I have to say, Salmander.
-Well, you didn't say it. I did.
-Yes, I realize that, I'm just--
-No, no!
Sorry to have to interrupt the very improper
sexual tension between you two.
Adult man and a small curly boy
with a silly, red rain jacket.
Eh yes,
well filletrate Hellfish.
-Yes. Filletrate.
No, shoot like this.
Are you all set?
Hold on.
Need to make a phone call.
It's Kobba.
Code red at Hellfish.
Get over there.
Lets go!
Shit, it's locked.
-Hurry up, Kobba!
Close your ears.
Good work, Kobba.
-Thank you, but the door's still there.
-That's right.
They're downstairs.
No thanks.
-Stop in the arm of the law.
-That's not right, you're no police--
Well, well, well
If it isn't supercop?
That's right, heroin swine.
The game is up!
No, the game has just started,
my dark spice-reeking little friend.
Come on!
Everybody out.
Get out.
You're going to jail, do you know that?
-Hope you've packed your bar of soap.
-I wouldn't think so.
Well, well, well!
Look at this.
Looks like the shoe is
on the other foot.
So you thought you stood
a chance against me?
Silly, silly little man.
Don't you know that Sweden always wins over
Norway in soccer, tennis and table tennis?
-Eurovision Song--
-No, lets get this over with.
Shoot them!
Shoot them till they die.
Armed police! Keep still!
Where is Salmander?
Ave Satanii!
Ave Satanii!
Take care of the brownie.
-Got ID?
-Police, I have to get in.
-No, you need to have ID.
-Can you get it later?
-No, I cant.
Come on!
Yes! Show us your salamander.
Auntie Cozy!
I'll give you
Yes, well, we're actually at work now,
so remove those piss-fingers.
What happened?
I've been worried about you.
And I shot a guy, and
everything, and the police, and
The monkeys do this.
Feeling better?
Do it again.
It isn't over yet, Salamander.
Stop the Swede!
Well meet again, fatso!
No middle a.
Oh, sorry.
Salmander, have that
nicotine gum if you feel like it.
I think I'll wait.
Yes. Eh
You have uncovered a huge
drug ring that has
for years been smuggling narcotics
right under our noses.
And it's apparent
obvious that many here have
-very many have underestimated you.
And we would really like
to rescind your resignation and
reinstate you as a policeman again.
If that is your wish?
Yes On one condition.
That I can continue
as policeman in Hellfjord.
You want to go back there?
-To Hellfjord?
Sure, well, if that
If you want, of course well fix that.
Commissioner one thing.
How did you find out when to send police
back-up to Hellfjord. What decided it?
It was the e-mail you sent, of course,
the one that explained everything.
-Yes, listing everything you'd found out.
The e-mail.
Well, it's good, but
doesn't really taste like nuts, Riina.
They say there's lots of protein in it.
Because of the sperm.
I see.
Good to be back in Hellfjord?
-Very nice.
-Nice to have you here, too.
So, Kobba.
What's on the weekly schedule?
Lets have a look.
Monday: Speed control. Tuesday:
Get Mrs. Olsens cat down from the tree.
Wednesday: Tell the third graders
about the dangers of using drugs.
Thursday: Get Mrs. Olsen's cat down from the
tree. Friday: Spring cleaning in the prison.
That's your job.
Maybe this weekend
I can do a little body search?
I'll start up here, and
work my way down.
-If you behave.
-I'll try to be good.
May one sit down?
Sure, by all means, sit.
It was quite a nightmare getting here.
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