Hello Ladies s01e07 Episode Script

The Wedding

1 Just a little boy lost looking for a lamb In the all-night city Living in his lonely limousine And though he never has to worry He's the only one and only one He's ever gonna need Absolutely, he's in definite need Ooh, maybe we've been alone too long You don't want to be lonely Maybe we've been alone too long You don't want to be lonely.
Notice anything funny about that license plate, hmm? It's a rental.
But Maguire said that he was driving his own car that night.
( scoffs ) Looks like our retired pitcher was trying to throw us a curveball.
I'm sorry I'm sorry, can I start over? - Sure.
- Okay.
But that was really good.
Keep that energy.
( vibrates lips ) Could you roll that security camera nope, that's blah.
I'm sorry.
Did my voice sound weird? Am I doing, like, a hollow thing? Your voice sounds fine.
Okay, again.
( exhales sharply ) Can you roll that security camera footage again? Fuck! I'm sorry, whoa.
( groans ) I'm just Sweetie, I think you're getting a little worked up.
The reason we brought you here is because we like what you do, all right? So, why don't you go outside, relax a little bit, come back in when you're ready, okay? Okay.
( exhales ) That was quick.
Is everything okay? Oh, yeah.
I need a minute.
I was getting inside my head.
You know what? I know that there's a little voice in there that's saying, you know, "You're not good enough.
You're not pretty enough.
You don't even belong here.
" And, you know, well, shut up.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I need to focus.
- Oh, yeah, okay.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
( exhales ) - Hey.
- Hello, mate.
How you doing? Not great.
I forget what you're here for again.
You said I could borrow your cooler for the drive up to this wedding.
I spoke to the bride and groom, right? They're gonna put me on a table of beautiful single ladies.
Single ladies.
Wonder if my wife will be there.
Oh, I wouldn't have thought so, no.
It's going to be actresses and models, apparently.
No, you know what? You go have fun.
It's a wedding.
Okay, but listen, I'll be back tomorrow.
I'll bring this and we can have a good sit-down and a good talk, yeah? - Thanks, buddy.
- Okay.
- See you later, man.
- See ya.
- ( chattering ) - ( music playing ) Hey, have you heard anything? It's, like, 3:00.
How long does it take them to make these decisions? Danny promised we'd know by the end of the day.
Well, isn't there a table read on Monday? - Glenn? - Hmm? - 1:00.
- 1:00 what? Babe alert.
Hold this, please.
Excuse me while I go and talk to the future Mrs.
- Hey, babe.
- Ah aye.
- How'd it go? - Just warming up.
Carrie said I was gonna be on a table with a bunch of single ladies, so - ( phone beeps ) - Is that them? - Mm, not them.
- ( sighs ) Honestly, if I don't get this job, I'm gonna seriously consider quitting acting.
I can't keep jumping through all these hoops if I'm not getting anywhere.
You are my lover and my teacher.
You are my mentor and my model.
You are my anchor and my accomplice.
Groom: You are my true soul mate and my everlasting counterpart.
Both: In sickness and in health, through dark times and light, for the rest of the days of my life.
What table are you on? Table eight.
Well, have fun 'cause I'm at table 12 and that's where the party's at.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
See you later.
Woman: It's okay, baby.
- Aw, honey - ( baby crying ) Little baby.
- This is table 12, is it? - Yes.
- I think there's been a mistake.
- Woman: Aw, it's okay.
Aw, can we get some juice? - Little baby.
- ( crying continues ) Thank you so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
Cousin Bob.
- Oh, hey, Stuart.
- Hey, all right.
You look wonderful.
- Thank you for coming.
- I have to say, you don't scrub up too bad yourself.
- Aren't you sweet? - It's all her.
Oh, yeah, fantastic.
Thank you for hang on a sec.
Um, just one thing that occurred to me.
I don't know if you remember, but you told me I'd be on a table with some single people and I seem to be on a table with an older group and a child and I'm sorry about that.
We had to fit in more people than we'd planned.
But you are with another English person, - so that should be fun.
- Yeah.
- Hey, good to see you.
- All right.
- Thanks for coming.
- Mister and Missus.
- And Janet.
- Great to see you.
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Janet, you look beautiful.
Great to see you.
Stuart, hi.
Sorry, yeah, I just, um- It was just 'cause you promised that I would be on the table Yeah, I'm sorry about that, - but I'm sure you understand.
- I don't, actually.
But I'll tell you what.
You're clearly busy.
I can see that.
Why don't I go in there and just jiggle some things around? You know, wherever your name card is, just sit there, okay? It's your special day.
- Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Oh, hello, ladies.
- Hi.
- Stuart: How's it going? - Welcome to the loser table.
Please, we're not losers, all right? We're just people who haven't found the one yet, am I right? - Yes, true that.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Excuse me.
I think I'm supposed to be at this table, but I don't see my name anywhere.
- What is your name? - Luke.
Has anyone got a Luke on their card? - No.
- No? Doesn't seem to be one here, mate.
I'm supposed to be at table four.
I think there's been a couple of mix-ups today, actually.
- Yeah, frustrating, isn't it? - Thanks.
( sighs ) So, what do you do? I am an actress.
Are you really? Glenn, Nicole Mortimer's here.
- Who? - She's a playwright.
Carrie was in one of her plays.
Glenn, she's brilliant.
Maybe you should talk to her.
I'm sure she'll be thrilled.
No, I'm not doing that.
She probably gets approached all the time.
By who? She's a playwright.
I'm gonna introduce you.
- No.
No, no, no, no, Glenn.
- Yeah.
Mortimer? I'm sure you get this all the time.
I am a giant fan of your work, as is my client, Jessica Vanderhoff.
Nice to meet you.
Jessica is a fabulous actress.
She is on a short list for a starring role on "NCIS: L.
" Well, it's just a stupid cop show.
I probably won't even get it.
I'm actually moving away from acting and focusing more on my own writing.
What are you working on? I'm currently finishing up a web series about one woman's descent into madness.
Ah, what's it called? "Descent into Madness.
" Well, good luck with it.
I'll check it out when it's up.
- Nice to meet you.
- Glenn: Nice meeting you.
Thank you so much.
See you in the trenches.
I'm not gonna be indiscreet on her wedding day, but let's just say there were two attractive people in a house with a hot tub and a swimming pool.
- Hey, Stuart.
- There she is.
Talk of the devil.
I think you may be at the wrong table, actually.
- I don't think so.
- No, I think so.
No, 'cause I'm pretty sure you told me to sit wherever my name card is.
- Here's my name card.
- Yeah, because your table number's on the inside.
Someone should get fired for this because you should not be worrying about this shit on your wedding day.
Do you want me to have a talk with the wedding planner? 'Cause I my blood's boiling.
I can only imagine how you're feeling.
Stuart, I'd rather you just sit at your table.
- What are you doing? - ( clanking ) Never buy a bottle of wine that says "Napa Valley" on it.
- People like you still get conned - They do.
into shelling out more for the Napa name.
( clanking continues ) - Man: One of the things - Woman: Listen, this is funny.
Man: One of the things that I like to do Listen.
is take a completely shit bottle Look what you've done, you little monkey.
What are you like? What is he like? - Hello again.
- Oh, hi.
Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt.
You said that you would be willing to take a look at my web series.
I'll give you my agent's address and you can send it to me.
Oh, well, I can actually show you right now.
It's really short.
Where would we watch it? Oh, technology.
- ( boy pounding on table ) - Woman: The last trip we did was that? Oh, God, do you remember that? - Amsterdam, have you been? - Man: Amsterdam.
- Don't bother.
- No.
What is he like, huh? What is he like? What are you like, little monkey? - ( laughing ) - Anyway, so, in Amsterdam - ( pounding continues ) - we saw the canals.
We went to that what's it, the house the diary girl? - Anne Frank.
- Anne Frank.
It was disappointing, wasn't it? - Yeah.
- It was disappointing? We were expecting to be more moved 'cause it's such a tragic story, but it wasn't as small as we were expecting.
You wanted Anne Frank's place to be smaller? Well, in the book she says how cramped it is.
- Right.
- But it's actually quite spacious.
Anyway, apart from that, there's nothing else to see, really, unless you're a drug addict.
And of course the prostitutes.
And I'm six months pregnant, you know? - What's he like? - Oh, he's like a cunt.
( guests laughing, chattering ) ( music playing ) What did you think? It's really rare to get to watch a film while the filmmaker is sitting right there watching you.
- ( both laugh ) - Yeah.
Right, but is there anything about the piece specifically? The important thing isn't what I think about it.
It's how do you feel about it? I'm really proud of it.
Then it's a success.
Groove is in the heart Groove is in the heart Groove is in the heart Grove is in the heart Watch out Kimberly? Stuart.
- Stuart.
- I'm Andy's friend.
We met briefly at Margot's dinner and then I think you came to my pool party.
- Oh, the pool party.
- Yeah.
It was fantastic.
Where were you? Oh, I decided to do this other thing.
- But how's it going? Good to see you.
- It's going good.
What what are you doing here? Oh, Carrie used to be my tenant.
- Oh, this is so weird you being here.
- Yeah, cool.
It is weird, isn't it? 'Cause I feel like we keep trying to meet - and then it doesn't quite - Yeah, it's like, what's that word? - Kismet.
- Like fate.
- Yeah, totally.
- It is, kind of yeah, a little bit like that.
Have you been here the whole time? No, I was shooting, like, really early this morning, and then we were driving out here and I was like, "Do you ever get that thing where you just, like, want to stop off in the desert and just, like, be somewhere totally random?" - All the time.
I get it all the time.
- Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We stopped and smoked a joint and Oh, cool.
I love major chill-out sessions 'cause sometimes you just need them.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I can do with one of them.
Thank you again for watching that.
I really appreciate the feedback.
You're welcome.
Is there anything else, though? I don't need you to treat me with kid gloves.
Honestly, I'd really value the constructive criticism.
Well, in terms of the plot, it didn't really make sense.
Is there anything else? I also thought it was a bit overwrought.
( sighs ) Do you think it's possible that you didn't respond to it because it was a web thing and that's not really a medium that means as much to someone in their 50s? I'm 43.
And you look great.
Groove is in the heart Groove is in the heart Still nothing.
Groove is in the heart Kimberly: Don't make fun of me, but I love staying home and watching documentaries.
I'm kind of a nerd.
- So am I.
I'm king of the nerds.
- Really? I saw this incredible documentary last week.
- What was it about? - It was about aliens.
Okay, yeah.
And it was basically saying that aliens exist and the government's, like, covering it up.
They showed this footage, and it was basically, like, a bright light shooting across the sky, kind of like like a plane.
Yeah, could it have been a plane? - No.
- No? Okay.
And they interviewed this farmer 'cause he got abducted.
Why are these aliens only ever abducting farmers and people who live in trailer parks? Why do they never abduct, like, the president, or someone interesting, like, you know, Elton John? - Yeah, it's so true.
- Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
You're really, really fun to talk to.
I don't meet many guys that can debate like this.
Who are you normally meeting? Mostly, like, male models, but they're so dumb.
Ugh, well, that's why they went into modeling into male modeling.
Um we should have an after-party.
- ( gasps ) - Yeah.
- I could do an after-party.
- Yeah? - Yeah, in my room? Yeah, sure, sure.
- Yay.
You know what? I think we're gonna crash.
Yeah, we're gonna go to bed I'm gonna go to bed.
( gasps ) You guys are so boring.
When did you become so boring? You're so boring.
- ( scoffs ) - So boring.
- Aw.
- Yeah.
Well, listen, I was just gonna go back to my room and just have a bit of another chill sesh and just listen to some tunes if you wanna ( gasps ) Can I DJ? You can only come if you DJ.
- Really? Okay, cool.
- Yeah, that's the rules.
I just have to say bye to some friends.
- Okay.
- I'll be literally, like two minutes.
- What's your room number? - 219.
- Okay, I'll see you then.
- Yeah, see you in a bit.
( sloshing ) ( knock on door ) Hello? Hi, it's Kimberly! Give me a second.
- Hi, I'm so sorry.
- Hey.
I got caught up talking and I completely lost track of time.
Oh, don't worry about it.
No, please, yeah, come in.
Make yourself what are you drinking? I've recently dabbled in scotch, so maybe a scotch? - Sure, yeah.
- Yeah? - Better late than never.
- I'm gonna put on some tunes.
- Oh, please do.
- Get this party started.
Happy with the 13-year-old single malt? - Fantastic.
- ( music playing ) - I love 13-year-olds.
- ( laughs ) I love this one.
- It's fantastic, right? - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
- Take a seat.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Oh, yeah, classic.
- To kismet.
- To kismet.
( knock on door ) Mm, mm-hmm.
It's Paul.
Who's Paul? Hi, come in, come in, come in.
- How are you? - We gotta get rid of this guy.
( Kimberly laughs ) What? Stop.
This is Stuart.
Stuart's amazing.
Stuart, this is Paul.
- I wouldn't say amazing, but - How's it going? Hi, how's it going? Ah, I'm sorry.
I'm sat there.
Paul, can I get you something to drink? Maybe a scotch? - Love scotch.
- Cool.
Here you go.
So, Paul, you should totally have Stuart do your new website.
He has a web design business.
Oh, you do web design? It's a gig, you know.
Pays the bills.
- What do you do? - He DJs for Kanye West.
Do ya? Is that a new tattoo, Paul? Yeah, I got it in Thailand.
- ( gasps ) - It's the Buddhist symbol for hope.
It's beautiful.
Oh, I love Buddhism.
Can I just take a look at that? - Kanye got inner peace.
- Oh, it's amazing really? - Typical Kanye.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, dude, can I get a refill? Totally, man.
The bar's just there.
- Oh, right.
- Can I get another scotch as well? - Yeah.
- Please? ( gasps ) You know what would be amazing? Is if we got room service.
I missed the dinner and I'm so hungry.
- Is that okay? - Sure, yeah.
Do you want to order some room service, mate? Sure.
Yeah, I was thinking of getting a tattoo Oh, let's see what they have.
I'm starving.
Kimberly: Ooh, that looks good.
- Paul: Yeah.
- Kimberly: Hmm.
Let me have a look here, see what's going sorry, can I see that? I'm thinking maybe steak? Like, filet mignon? It seems a bit late for filet mignon, is it? Why don't I just get a bunch of stuff? It's a brilliant idea.
Oh, but you know what? I don't have that much cash on me.
- That's a shame.
- We can just charge it to the room.
Genius, that's fantastic.
Okay, thank you so much.
I don't know.
Maybe she's right.
Maybe it is overwrought.
Maybe I'm not a good actor or a writer.
( sighs ) I have all these ambitions, but honestly, what if I'm just not good enough? Don't worry about her, okay? Think she's having as much fun as you are right now? I mean, what does she even mean by "overwrought"? It's not overwrought.
It's passionate.
Why is she criticizing me for trying to do something that's honest and raw? Don't work yourself up about it, okay? It's only a web series.
No one's ever gonna see it.
I mean I didn't mean no one's gonna see it.
- Um, I'm gonna go.
- Wait, just - Jessica, I'm - No, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I'm just gonna take a walk.
( sighs ) Is the gratuity included in the $185? - No, sir.
- No? Great.
This steak looks fantastic.
- Stuart: Good? - Yeah, it's good.
Oh, cool.
Is that all you're gonna have? Well, I don't know.
I might save some for later.
One piece of steak for a model is a full meal.
Oh, shut up.
( laughs ) Whoa.
I'm surprised you can throw that far, you're so weak from hunger.
- You're such a jerk.
- You are.
Fuck off, Paul.
Yeah, fuck off, Paul.
Two against one.
Hang on, I gotta regroup.
Hey, where's your bathroom, man? - Just, yeah, there.
- Oh, yeah.
As you'd expect.
( sighs ) Sit down.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, I was not fucking ready to see Paul today.
- Yeah, what's his fucking deal? - No, he's a great guy.
He seems like a good guy.
I thought that straight away when he came in.
But I was just I don't know.
I was maybe hoping that you could maybe give us a little privacy? - Why? - To catch up.
You what, in my room? I completely spaced getting a room and he's staying with this guy, Luke, and Luke's hooking up with this girl Oh, is he? I met Luke earlier.
He seemed like another good guy.
Please? I would owe you for eternity.
- All right.
- Oh, you're amazing.
Thank you so much.
You're fantastic.
I just remembered I gotta pop down to the business center, do some faxing.
- Cool.
See you later, man.
- Yeah.
- ( talking softly ) - ( laughing ) Stuart: Hey.
Oh, hey.
What are you up to? Mm, just stealing some silverware.
Good move.
Looks like you've done a hell of a job.
- ( laughs ) - Cleaned 'em out.
Where's Kimberly? Kimberly is in my room.
Why did you leave her in your room alone? Oh, no, no, no.
She's she's not alone.
No, she's with Paul.
Do you know Paul? He DJs for Kanye West and he's got a lot of tattoos.
- He loves a bit of free steak.
- Oh, I love Paul.
Do you like Paul? Yeah, everyone seems to love Paul.
Why did you let them use your room? I have a more I have, like, a long-term plan.
- Oh.
- Which is that when she's tired of dating these kinds of assholes, she'll remember how sweet and lovely I am and then that's when I get my chance.
Stuart, why do you try so hard? Just be yourself.
It's easy.
That's just terrible advice because I've been myself for 35 years and that's got me nowhere, so I'm gonna be Paul from now on.
No, you don't need to be Paul.
Why do you keep trying to date supermodels? Just date, like, a normal person.
Why would I want to spend any time with normal people? I'm one of the normal people.
Look at me.
This is what normal people look like.
There's nothing wrong with normal people.
- I'm a normal.
- No, you're way above normal.
- I'm above normal? - You're definitely above normal, yeah.
Oh, thank you.
You're definitely above you're, like, three feet above normal.
- That's good.
- ( laughs ) Your looks and your personality are fine.
The biggest problem you have is your dancing.
- No, I will not hear this.
- I've been watching you.
- I'm one of the great dancers.
- I saw you dancing.
- It's really weird.
- No.
All right, we can settle this because I am well known throughout England for having moves like Jagger.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
- ( music playing ) - Oh, my oh.
- Yeah.
- ( laughing ) Okay.
You look like one of those inflatable men that's outside of a car dealership.
- That's what I'm going for.
- Okay.
This is how you dance to this music.
Are you ready? Watch me.
Use your hips, not just People like this.
This is a very popular move.
Follow me, ready? Good.
Use your hips.
Like, bend down there you go.
Good face, yeah.
Good face.
You're too tall to dance with a human woman.
That is why I aim for supermodels.
Although you do have a nice concave chest for me to rest my head on.
to better suit your mood Because you're so smooth And it's just like the ocean - Under the moon - Oh.
It's the same as the emotion that I get from you You've got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth Yeah, gimme your heart, make it real Or else forget about it Uh-oh.
There he goes.
( laughing ) Glenn: You got it.
You got the fucking part.
- I got it? - Yeah.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I got it? - What did they say? - Shane just emailed me.
A press release goes out tomorrow.
You are a lead on network prime time.
- ( laughs ) - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
( squeals ) - Oh, this is crazy.
- Amazing! Ah! This is crazy.
Oh, my God.
Can I call my mom? Is it too late? - Of course you can call your mom.
- What time is it? - It's 2:00, but - Should I start emailing people? - Yeah, it's your role.
- What did they say? Read the email back.
Stuart? - Hey.
- Hey.
So, uh I'm gonna take off, but I just wanted to say sorry for last night, and thanks.
You were really sweet.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
It was a bit weird with Paul here, I know, and I was a bit drunk.
He left and he, like, didn't even say bye.
- Really? - Yeah.
I have the worst taste in men.
Yeah? I just wish I could find, like, a nice guy.
There's some out there.
- Thanks again.
- Yeah.
Some expression in your eyes ( door closes ) Overtook me by surprise Where was I? How was I to know Oh How can we drive to a movie show ( phone chimes ) When the music is here in my car? There's a band playing On the radio Oh ( knocks ) - Hello, mate.
- Hey.